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Alias: [""]
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Tag: ["🫀", "🇺🇸", "🦀", "🪦"]
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Date: 2024-04-01
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DocType: "WebClipping"
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Hierarchy:
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TimeStamp: 2024-04-01
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Link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2024/03/09/amy-ettinger-hospice-cancer-inspiration/
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location:
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CollapseMetaTable: true
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---
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Parent:: [[@News|News]]
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Read:: 🟥
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---
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```button
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name Save
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type command
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action Save current file
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id Save
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```
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^button-IhavelittletimeleftIhopemygoodbyeinspiresyouNSave
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# I have little time left. I hope my goodbye inspires you.
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This past summer, at age 49, I was diagnosed with a rare, incurable cancer called leiomyosarcoma. Doctors predicted I had just a few months to live. I [wrote about my experience](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2023/08/27/cancer-diagnosis-life-dying-ettinger/?itid=lk_inline_manual_2) and heard from hundreds of readers from around the world. Their stories helped me get through the last six months.
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I started a treatment that was still in clinical trial phase, which gave me temporary relief from the growing tumors in my lungs. The drugs shrank some of the masses, but the primary tumor in my uterus kept growing. Soon it began to affect my kidneys and other organs, with no signs of relenting. I was offered the choice of continuing the chemo or starting hospice.
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My symptoms were getting worse. I had swelling in my abdomen and legs that couldn’t be treated. After a while, I could no longer walk up the stairs of my house. I decided I wanted comfort, and this week I made the decision to transition to hospice.
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After choosing this path, I reflected on some of the things I was able to do since my diagnosis:
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Saw a live performance of “Mamma Mia!” with my daughter in San Francisco.
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Marveled at 500-year-old sketches by [Sandro Botticelli](https://www.famsf.org/stories/five-things-about-botticelli) at the [Legion of Honor museum](https://www.famsf.org/visit/legion-of-honor).
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Ate my favorite pastry, a [sacripantina](https://www.sfweekly.com/dining/sweet-beat-stella-pastrys-sacripantina/article_16396884-d548-5fa2-aafb-d9b82e311c03.html) cake, from a North Beach pastry shop.
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Took daily rides along the cliffs of Santa Cruz on a gifted motorized scooter.
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Visited the monarch butterflies during their yearly migration.
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Taught three creative writing classes through Stanford Continuing Studies.
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Celebrated my daughter’s 15th birthday.
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People are often afraid when they hear the word “hospice,” but for me it’s been a positive experience. A nurse comes to my house to wrap my heavy, swollen feet. Social workers help get my paperwork in order. I can let go and focus on feeling as comfortable as I can.
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Most people in the United States enroll in hospice for just a short time, many after pushing the limits of their chemo regimen. About half of the people enrolled in hospice [die within three weeks, and 35.7 percent of patients die within a week](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4118712/).
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Others, such as former president [Jimmy Carter](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/10/01/jimmy-carter-99-birthday-plains-georgia/?itid=lk_inline_manual_22), survive in hospice for a year or more. That’s always a hope, but unfortunately for me, it doesn’t seem likely.
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My ability to get around is limited, but I look forward to daily meals with my family, and the hour a day we spend in the living room watching TV. Afterward, my daughter gives me moisturizing face masks and combs my hair. I have important conversations with my husband about life and death and the 25 years of memories we have built together.
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I’m not going to pretend I’m not afraid of what comes next. I’m saying goodbye to friends, and for most of them, it’s the first time they are losing someone in their age group. For friends who are far away, we are sharing our thoughts via long text messages and emails. A friend of 10 years writes me: “Goodbye my dearest friend. I wish I was better at articulating what I want to say. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being you.”
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These conversations are essential even though they often feel awkward and a little unfinished. We are all learning, in our own ways, how to let go.
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I am choosing to focus my limited time and energy on doing the things I love with the people I care most about. It’s a formula that works, I think, no matter where you are in your life.
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---
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`$= dv.el('center', 'Source: ' + dv.current().Link + ', ' + dv.current().Date.toLocaleString("fr-FR"))`
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