mid-feb flush

main
iOS 1 day ago
parent 12d058a167
commit 7de1594e2f

@ -19,7 +19,7 @@
"601d1cc7-a4f3-4f19-aa9f-3bddd7ab6b1d": {
"locked": false,
"lockedDeviceName": "iPhone",
"lastRun": "2025-01-15T07:37:12+01:00"
"lastRun": "2025-02-20T10:26:22+01:00"
}
}
}

@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
{
"tutorialIndex": 0,
"currencySymbol": "CHF",
"ledgerFile": "06.01 Finances/2024.ledger",
"ledgerFile": "06.01 Finances/2025.ledger",
"assetAccountsPrefix": "assets",
"expenseAccountsPrefix": "expenses",
"incomeAccountsPrefix": "income",

File diff suppressed because one or more lines are too long

@ -1,14 +1,14 @@
{
"id": "meld-encrypt",
"name": "Meld Encrypt",
"version": "2.3.7",
"minAppVersion": "1.0.3",
"description": "Hide secrets in your vault",
"author": "meld-cp",
"authorUrl": "https://github.com/meld-cp/obsidian-encrypt",
"isDesktopOnly": false,
"fundingUrl": {
"Buy Me a Coffee": "https://www.buymeacoffee.com/cleon",
"GitHub Sponsor": "https://github.com/sponsors/meld-cp"
}
{
"id": "meld-encrypt",
"name": "Meld Encrypt",
"version": "2.4.0",
"minAppVersion": "1.0.3",
"description": "Hide secrets in your vault",
"author": "meld-cp",
"authorUrl": "https://github.com/meld-cp/obsidian-encrypt",
"isDesktopOnly": false,
"fundingUrl": {
"Buy Me a Coffee": "https://www.buymeacoffee.com/cleon",
"GitHub Sponsor": "https://github.com/sponsors/meld-cp"
}
}

@ -1,42 +1,3 @@
/* FEATURE WHOLE NOTE */
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view-content{
display: flex;
flex-direction: column;
height: calc( 100vh - var(--header-height) * 2.5 ) !important;
}
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view .encrypted-note-message{
text-align: center;
padding-bottom: 0.5em;
}
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view .input-container{
max-width: 400px;
}
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view .content-container{
width: 100%;
}
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view .is-readable-line-width .content-container{
max-width: var(--file-line-width);
margin-left: auto;
margin-right: auto;
}
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view .editor-reading-view{
user-select: text;
}
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view .editor-reading-view,
.meld-encrypt-encrypted-note-view .editor-source-view{
padding-bottom: 233px;
}
/* END FEATURE WHOLE NOTE */
/* FEATURE IN LINE */
.meld-encrypt-inline-reading-marker {
@ -49,4 +10,14 @@
resize: vertical;
}
/* END FEATURE IN LINE */
/* END FEATURE IN LINE */
/* FEATURE ENCRYPTED MD */
div[data-type="meld-encrypted-view"] .view-content {
background-position: center;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
background-image: url('data:image/svg+xml,<svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" x="0px" y="0px" width="100" height="100" viewBox="0 0 50 50"><path d="M 25 2 C 17.832484 2 12 7.8324839 12 15 L 12 21 L 8 21 C 6.3550302 21 5 22.35503 5 24 L 5 47 C 5 48.64497 6.3550302 50 8 50 L 42 50 C 43.64497 50 45 48.64497 45 47 L 45 24 C 45 22.35503 43.64497 21 42 21 L 38 21 L 38 15 C 38 7.8324839 32.167516 2 25 2 z M 25 4 C 31.086484 4 36 8.9135161 36 15 L 36 21 L 14 21 L 14 15 C 14 8.9135161 18.913516 4 25 4 z M 8 23 L 42 23 C 42.56503 23 43 23.43497 43 24 L 43 47 C 43 47.56503 42.56503 48 42 48 L 8 48 C 7.4349698 48 7 47.56503 7 47 L 7 24 C 7 23.43497 7.4349698 23 8 23 z M 13 34 A 2 2 0 0 0 11 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 13 38 A 2 2 0 0 0 15 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 13 34 z M 21 34 A 2 2 0 0 0 19 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 21 38 A 2 2 0 0 0 23 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 21 34 z M 29 34 A 2 2 0 0 0 27 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 29 38 A 2 2 0 0 0 31 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 29 34 z M 37 34 A 2 2 0 0 0 35 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 37 38 A 2 2 0 0 0 39 36 A 2 2 0 0 0 37 34 z" fill-opacity="0.02"></path></svg>');
}
/* END FEATURE ENCRYPTED MD */

@ -12,8 +12,8 @@
"checkpointList": [
{
"path": "/",
"date": "2025-01-15",
"size": 11839252
"date": "2025-02-20",
"size": 8986543
}
],
"activityHistory": [
@ -4418,7 +4418,151 @@
},
{
"date": "2025-01-15",
"value": 1285
"value": 3326664
},
{
"date": "2025-01-16",
"value": 1438
},
{
"date": "2025-01-17",
"value": 1982
},
{
"date": "2025-01-18",
"value": 1924
},
{
"date": "2025-01-19",
"value": 1567
},
{
"date": "2025-01-20",
"value": 1438
},
{
"date": "2025-01-21",
"value": 36348
},
{
"date": "2025-01-22",
"value": 3783
},
{
"date": "2025-01-23",
"value": 0
},
{
"date": "2025-01-24",
"value": 2971
},
{
"date": "2025-01-25",
"value": 1944
},
{
"date": "2025-01-26",
"value": 1782
},
{
"date": "2025-01-27",
"value": 1454
},
{
"date": "2025-01-28",
"value": 1560
},
{
"date": "2025-01-29",
"value": 1583
},
{
"date": "2025-01-30",
"value": 1446
},
{
"date": "2025-01-31",
"value": 2323
},
{
"date": "2025-02-01",
"value": 2045
},
{
"date": "2025-02-02",
"value": 200956
},
{
"date": "2025-02-03",
"value": 1881
},
{
"date": "2025-02-04",
"value": 1439
},
{
"date": "2025-02-05",
"value": 1749
},
{
"date": "2025-02-06",
"value": 1550
},
{
"date": "2025-02-07",
"value": 1101
},
{
"date": "2025-02-08",
"value": 1814
},
{
"date": "2025-02-09",
"value": 1408
},
{
"date": "2025-02-10",
"value": 2699
},
{
"date": "2025-02-11",
"value": 1461
},
{
"date": "2025-02-12",
"value": 1462
},
{
"date": "2025-02-13",
"value": 1434
},
{
"date": "2025-02-14",
"value": 42593
},
{
"date": "2025-02-15",
"value": 3313
},
{
"date": "2025-02-16",
"value": 135700
},
{
"date": "2025-02-17",
"value": 1634
},
{
"date": "2025-02-18",
"value": 1728
},
{
"date": "2025-02-19",
"value": 1446
},
{
"date": "2025-02-20",
"value": 1426
}
]
}

File diff suppressed because it is too large Load Diff

@ -18,7 +18,7 @@
"prefix": "fas",
"icon": "fa-circle",
"markerColor": "blue",
"innerHTML": "<svg class=\"map-view-icon\"><use xlink:href=\"#icon-1804148836\"></use></svg>"
"innerHTML": "<svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" data-prefix=\"fas\" data-icon=\"circle\" class=\"svg-inline--fa fa-circle\" role=\"img\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" style=\"color: white;\"><path fill=\"currentColor\" d=\"M256 512A256 256 0 1 0 256 0a256 256 0 1 0 0 512z\"></path></svg>"
}
},
{
@ -173,7 +173,10 @@
"openMapBehavior": "replaceCurrent",
"openMapCtrlClickBehavior": "dedicatedPane",
"openMapMiddleClickBehavior": "dedicatedTab",
"newPaneSplitDirection": "vertical",
"newNoteNameFormat": "Location added on {{date:YYYY-MM-DD}}T{{date:HH-mm}}",
"newNotePath": "",
"newNoteTemplate": "Admin/Templates/Template Note",
"showNoteNamePopup": true,
"showLinkNameInPopup": "mobileOnly",
"showNotePreview": true,
@ -200,12 +203,15 @@
}
],
"mapControls": {
"filtersDisplayed": false,
"filtersDisplayed": true,
"viewDisplayed": false,
"presetsDisplayed": false
"presetsDisplayed": false,
"minimized": true
},
"maxClusterRadiusPixels": 20,
"searchProvider": "osm",
"searchDelayMs": 250,
"geocodingApiKey": "",
"useGooglePlaces": false,
"mapSources": [
{
@ -218,13 +224,26 @@
"urlLight": "https://tile.openstreetmap.org/{z}/{x}/{y}.png"
}
],
"frontMatterKey": "location",
"chosenMapMode": "dark",
"saveHistory": true,
"letZoomBeyondMax": false,
"queryForFollowActiveNote": "path:\"$PATH$\"",
"supportRealTimeGeolocation": false,
"fixFrontMatterOnPaste": true,
"geoHelperPreferApp": false,
"geoHelperType": "auto",
"geoHelperCommand": "chrome",
"geoHelperUrl": "https://esm7.github.io/obsidian-geo-helper/",
"tagForGeolocationNotes": "",
"handleGeolinksInNotes": true,
"showGeolinkPreview": false,
"zoomOnGeolinkPreview": 10,
"handleGeolinkContextMenu": true,
"routingUrl": "https://www.google.com/maps/dir/?api=1&origin={x0},{y0}&destination={x1},{y1}",
"cacheAllTiles": true,
"offlineMaxTileAgeMonths": 6,
"offlineMaxStorageGb": 2,
"geoHelperFilePath": "",
"tilesUrl": null,
"snippetLines": 3,
@ -233,6 +252,5 @@
"defaultZoom": null,
"defaultMapCenter": null,
"defaultTags": null,
"newNoteTemplate": "Admin/Templates/Template Note",
"chosenMapSource": null
}

File diff suppressed because one or more lines are too long

@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
{
"id": "obsidian-map-view",
"name": "Map View",
"version": "5.0.3",
"version": "5.5.0",
"minAppVersion": "1.5.6",
"description": "An interactive map view.",
"isDesktopOnly": false

@ -1,20 +1,3 @@
.map-view-marker-name {
color: var(--text-normal);
font-size: var(--font-text-size);
font-family: var(--font-text);
font-weight: bold;
margin: 0 !important;
/* Make sure the marker name doesn't cover up the close button */
margin-right: 18px !important;
}
.map-view-marker-sub-name {
color: var(--text-normal);
font-size: var(--font-text-size);
font-family: var(--font-text);
margin: 0 !important;
}
.map-view-main {
position: relative;
width: 100%;
@ -38,7 +21,7 @@
overflow: auto;
position: absolute;
z-index: 2;
padding: 8px 25px 5px 12px;
padding: 8px 14px 5px 12px;
}
.graph-control-div {
@ -74,25 +57,6 @@ a.mv-icon-button.on {
background-color: var(--background-modifier-border-focus) !important;
}
.controls-toggle:checked
+ .lbl-triangle
+ .lbl-toggle
+ .graph-control-content {
display: block;
}
.lbl-triangle {
display: inline-block;
position: relative;
top: -1px;
transition: 0.25s;
}
.controls-toggle:checked + .lbl-triangle {
transform: rotate(90deg);
top: 0px;
}
.settings-dense-button {
margin-right: 0;
}
@ -142,11 +106,6 @@ a.mv-icon-button.on {
margin: 10px 0 !important;
}
.graph-control-follow-label {
vertical-align: top;
padding-left: 5px;
}
.marker-popup {
border-radius: 6px;
color: var(--text-normal);
@ -170,21 +129,21 @@ a.mv-icon-button.on {
.mv-marker-popup-container {
max-height: 20em;
min-height: 4em;
width: 30em;
overflow: hidden;
/* Initially this isn't displayed */
display: none;
z-index: 2;
z-index: 1000;
box-shadow: 0px 4px 20px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5);
}
.mv-marker-popup-container .markdown-embed {
border-left: 0;
max-height: 200px;
overflow-y: auto;
}
/* Simple placement mode is used on mobile, where the screen is too small and Popper is unavailable anyway */
.mv-marker-popup-container.simple-placement {
bottom: 32px;
bottom: 0px;
position: absolute;
width: 100%;
}
@ -253,8 +212,12 @@ div.map-view-highlight.marker-cluster {
}
.mv-emoji-icon {
text-shadow: 0 0 1px #fff, -1px -1px 1px #fff, 1px -1px 1px #fff,
-1px 1px 1px #fff, 0 0 2px #fff;
text-shadow:
0 0 1px #fff,
-1px -1px 1px #fff,
1px -1px 1px #fff,
-1px 1px 1px #fff,
0 0 2px #fff;
top: -2px;
position: relative;
}
@ -289,7 +252,9 @@ div.map-view-highlight.marker-cluster {
height: 200px;
opacity: 0;
visibility: hidden;
transition: opacity 0.2s ease-in-out, visibility 0s 0.2s;
transition:
opacity 0.2s ease-in-out,
visibility 0s 0.2s;
padding: 2px;
}
@ -322,3 +287,8 @@ div.map-view-highlight.marker-cluster {
.mv-simple-circle-marker .mv-emoji-icon {
top: 0;
}
.mv-highlight-offline img.mv-offline {
padding: 1px !important;
background-color: blue;
}

File diff suppressed because one or more lines are too long

@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
{
"id": "obsidian-media-db-plugin",
"name": "Media DB",
"version": "0.7.2",
"version": "0.8.0",
"minAppVersion": "1.5.0",
"description": "A plugin that can query multiple APIs for movies, series, anime, games, music and wiki articles, and import them into your vault.",
"author": "Moritz Jung",

File diff suppressed because one or more lines are too long

@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
{
"id": "obsidian-read-it-later",
"name": "ReadItLater",
"version": "0.10.1",
"minAppVersion": "1.7.2",
"version": "0.11.4",
"minAppVersion": "1.7.7",
"description": "Save online content to your Vault, utilize embedded template engine and organize your reading list to your needs. Preserve the web with ReadItLater.",
"author": "Dominik Pieper",
"authorUrl": "https://github.com/DominikPieper",

File diff suppressed because one or more lines are too long

@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
{
"id": "obsidian-reminder-plugin",
"name": "Reminder",
"version": "1.1.17",
"version": "1.1.18",
"minAppVersion": "1.0.3",
"description": "Reminder plugin for Obsidian. This plugin adds feature to manage TODOs with reminder.",
"author": "uphy",

@ -1,124 +1 @@
/* fakecss:/home/runner/work/obsidian-reminder/obsidian-reminder/src/ui/components/Calendar.esbuild-svelte-fake-css */
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s.svelte-18sic8s {
padding: 0.5rem;
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .year-month.svelte-18sic8s {
font-size: 1rem;
font-weight: bold;
text-align: center;
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .month-nav.svelte-18sic8s {
color: var(--text-muted);
margin-left: 1rem;
margin-right: 1rem;
cursor: pointer;
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .month.svelte-18sic8s {
color: var(--text-muted);
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .year.svelte-18sic8s {
color: var(--text-accent);
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s th.svelte-18sic8s {
font-size: 0.7rem;
color: var(--text-muted);
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .calendar-date.svelte-18sic8s {
text-align: center;
min-width: 2rem;
max-width: 2rem;
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .calendar-date.svelte-18sic8s:hover {
background-color: var(--background-secondary-alt);
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .is-selected.svelte-18sic8s {
background-color: var(--text-accent) !important;
color: var(--text-normal) !important;
}
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .other-month.svelte-18sic8s,
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .is-past.svelte-18sic8s,
.reminder-calendar.svelte-18sic8s .is-holiday.svelte-18sic8s {
color: var(--text-faint);
}
/* fakecss:/home/runner/work/obsidian-reminder/obsidian-reminder/src/ui/components/ReminderListByDate.esbuild-svelte-fake-css */
.reminder-group.svelte-gzdxib {
margin-bottom: 1rem;
font-size: 13px;
color: var(--text-muted);
}
.reminder-list-item.svelte-gzdxib {
list-style: none;
line-height: 14px;
padding: 3px;
overflow: hidden;
white-space: nowrap;
text-overflow: ellipsis;
word-break: break-all;
width: 100%;
}
.reminder-list-item.svelte-gzdxib:hover {
color: var(--text-normal);
background-color: var(--background-secondary-alt);
}
.reminder-time.svelte-gzdxib {
font-size: 14px;
font-family: monospace, serif;
}
.reminder-file.svelte-gzdxib {
color: var(--text-faint);
}
.no-reminders.svelte-gzdxib {
font-style: italic;
}
/* fakecss:/home/runner/work/obsidian-reminder/obsidian-reminder/src/ui/components/DateTimeChooser.esbuild-svelte-fake-css */
.dtchooser.svelte-fjfxbq {
background-color: var(--background-primary-alt);
z-index: 2147483647;
}
.dtchooser-divider.svelte-fjfxbq {
margin: 0.5rem;
}
.reminder-list-container.svelte-fjfxbq {
padding: 0.5rem;
max-width: 16rem;
}
/* fakecss:/home/runner/work/obsidian-reminder/obsidian-reminder/src/ui/components/Icon.esbuild-svelte-fake-css */
.icon.svelte-1gcidq0 {
vertical-align: middle;
}
/* fakecss:/home/runner/work/obsidian-reminder/obsidian-reminder/src/ui/components/Reminder.esbuild-svelte-fake-css */
main.svelte-yfmg28 {
padding: 1em;
margin: 0 auto;
}
.reminder-actions.svelte-yfmg28 {
margin-top: 1rem;
display: flex;
gap: 0.5rem;
}
.reminder-file.svelte-yfmg28 {
color: var(--text-muted);
cursor: pointer;
}
.reminder-file.svelte-yfmg28:hover {
color: var(--text-normal);
text-decoration: underline;
}
.later-select.svelte-yfmg28 {
font-size: 14px;
}
/* fakecss:/home/runner/work/obsidian-reminder/obsidian-reminder/src/ui/components/ReminderList.esbuild-svelte-fake-css */
.group-name.svelte-2zqui4 {
font-size: 14px;
color: var(--text-muted);
border-bottom: 1px solid var(--text-muted);
margin-bottom: 0.5rem;
}
.group-name-overdue.svelte-2zqui4 {
color: var(--text-accent);
}
button.svelte-15dajvg{background-color:transparent;box-shadow:none;justify-content:flex-start;gap:.3rem;display:inline-flex}.reminder-group.svelte-15dajvg{margin-bottom:1rem;font-size:13px;color:var(--text-muted)}.reminder-list-item.svelte-15dajvg{padding:3px;width:100%}.reminder-list-item.svelte-15dajvg:hover{color:var(--text-normal);background-color:var(--background-secondary-alt)}.reminder-time.svelte-15dajvg{display:inline-block;font-size:14px;font-family:monospace,serif}.reminder-title-container.svelte-15dajvg{display:inline-flex;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;white-space:nowrap;flex-grow:1;justify-content:flex-start;align-items:center}.reminder-title.svelte-15dajvg{overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;white-space:nowrap;flex-grow:1;text-align:left}.reminder-file.svelte-15dajvg{overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;white-space:nowrap;color:var(--text-faint)}.no-reminders.svelte-15dajvg{font-style:italic}.no-reminders.svelte-15dajvg:hover{color:var(--text-muted);background-color:transparent}.group-name.svelte-2zqui4{font-size:14px;color:var(--text-muted);border-bottom:1px solid var(--text-muted);margin-bottom:.5rem}.group-name-overdue.svelte-2zqui4{color:var(--text-accent)}button.svelte-kmxndl.svelte-kmxndl{background-color:transparent;box-shadow:none}button.svelte-kmxndl.svelte-kmxndl:hover{box-shadow:var(--input-shadow)}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl.svelte-kmxndl{display:inline-block;padding:.5rem}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl.svelte-kmxndl:focus{border-radius:var(--input-radius);box-shadow:0 0 0 1px var(--background-modifier-border-focus)}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .year-month.svelte-kmxndl{font-size:1rem;font-weight:700;text-align:center}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .month-nav.svelte-kmxndl{color:var(--text-muted);margin-left:1rem;margin-right:1rem;cursor:pointer}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .month.svelte-kmxndl{color:var(--text-muted)}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .year.svelte-kmxndl{color:var(--text-accent)}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl th.svelte-kmxndl{font-size:.7rem;color:var(--text-muted)}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .calendar-date.svelte-kmxndl{text-align:center;min-width:2rem;max-width:2rem}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .calendar-date.svelte-kmxndl:hover{background-color:var(--background-secondary-alt);border-radius:var(--input-radius)}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .is-selected.svelte-kmxndl{background-color:var(--text-accent)!important;color:var(--text-normal)!important;border-radius:var(--input-radius)}.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .other-month.svelte-kmxndl,.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .is-past.svelte-kmxndl,.reminder-calendar.svelte-kmxndl .is-holiday.svelte-kmxndl{color:var(--text-faint)!important}.time-picker.svelte-193wkl6{padding:0 .5rem}select.time-picker.svelte-193wkl6:focus{box-shadow:0 0 0 1px var(--background-modifier-border-focus)}.dtchooser.svelte-ps5dkj.svelte-ps5dkj{background-color:var(--background-primary-alt);z-index:2147483647}.dtchooser-divider.svelte-ps5dkj.svelte-ps5dkj{margin:.5rem}.dtchooser-wrapper.svelte-ps5dkj.svelte-ps5dkj{display:flex;flex-direction:row;justify-content:space-between;align-items:center;padding:.5rem}.dtchooser-time-picker.svelte-ps5dkj.svelte-ps5dkj{display:inline-flex;flex-direction:row;align-items:center}.dtchooser-time-picker.svelte-ps5dkj span.svelte-ps5dkj{color:var(--text-muted);margin-right:.5rem}.icon.svelte-1wmvl6g{vertical-align:middle}main.svelte-32got5{padding:1em;margin:0 auto}.reminder-actions.svelte-32got5{margin-top:1rem;display:flex;gap:.5rem}.reminder-title.svelte-32got5{overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;white-space:nowrap}.reminder-file.svelte-32got5{color:var(--text-muted);cursor:pointer;background-color:transparent;text-decoration:underline;box-shadow:none}.reminder-file.svelte-32got5:hover{color:var(--text-normal);text-decoration:underline}.later-select.svelte-32got5{font-size:14px}

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@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
{
"id": "obsidian-tasks-plugin",
"name": "Tasks",
"version": "7.14.0",
"minAppVersion": "1.1.1",
"version": "7.15.1",
"minAppVersion": "1.4.0",
"description": "Track tasks across your vault. Supports due dates, recurring tasks, done dates, sub-set of checklist items, and filtering.",
"helpUrl": "https://publish.obsidian.md/tasks/",
"author": "Clare Macrae and Ilyas Landikov (created by Martin Schenck)",

File diff suppressed because one or more lines are too long

@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
{
"id": "templater-obsidian",
"name": "Templater",
"version": "2.9.1",
"version": "2.9.3",
"description": "Create and use templates",
"minAppVersion": "1.5.0",
"author": "SilentVoid",

@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
{
"types": {
"aliases": "aliases",
"cssclasses": "multitext",
"tags": "tags",
"TQ_explain": "checkbox",
"TQ_extra_instructions": "text",
"TQ_short_mode": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_backlink": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_cancelled_date": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_created_date": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_depends_on": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_done_date": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_due_date": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_edit_button": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_id": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_on_completion": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_postpone_button": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_priority": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_recurrence_rule": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_scheduled_date": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_start_date": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_tags": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_task_count": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_tree": "checkbox",
"TQ_show_urgency": "checkbox"
}
}

@ -57,12 +57,12 @@
"state": {
"type": "markdown",
"state": {
"file": "00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-15.md",
"file": "00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-20.md",
"mode": "preview",
"source": true
},
"icon": "lucide-file",
"title": "2025-01-15"
"title": "2025-02-20"
}
},
{
@ -91,7 +91,8 @@
"state": {
"type": "file-explorer",
"state": {
"sortOrder": "alphabetical"
"sortOrder": "alphabetical",
"autoReveal": false
},
"icon": "lucide-folder-closed",
"title": "Files"
@ -143,8 +144,8 @@
"state": {
"type": "msg-handler-search-view",
"state": {},
"icon": "MSG_HANDLER_ENVELOPE_ICON",
"title": "MSG Handler Search"
"icon": "lucide-file",
"title": "Plugin no longer active"
}
},
{
@ -170,7 +171,7 @@
"state": {
"type": "backlink",
"state": {
"file": "00.01 Admin/Calendars/2024-10-18.md",
"file": "00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-15.md",
"collapseAll": false,
"extraContext": false,
"sortOrder": "alphabetical",
@ -189,7 +190,7 @@
"state": {
"type": "outgoing-link",
"state": {
"file": "00.01 Admin/Calendars/2024-10-18.md",
"file": "00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-15.md",
"linksCollapsed": false,
"unlinkedCollapsed": false
},
@ -216,68 +217,84 @@
"icon": "dices",
"title": "Dice Tray"
}
},
{
"id": "1b1bb853fe2ad284",
"type": "leaf",
"state": {
"type": "outline",
"state": {
"file": "01.02 Home/@Main Dashboard.md",
"followCursor": false,
"showSearch": false,
"searchQuery": ""
},
"icon": "lucide-file",
"title": "Plugin no longer active"
}
}
],
"currentTab": 5
},
"left-ribbon": {
"hiddenItems": {
"obsidian-kanban:Create new board": false,
"switcher:Open quick switcher": false,
"graph:Open graph view": false,
"canvas:Create new canvas": false,
"daily-notes:Open today's daily note": false,
"templates:Insert template": false,
"command-palette:Open command palette": false,
"markdown-importer:Open format converter": false,
"audio-recorder:Start/stop recording": false,
"msg-handler:MSG Handler": false,
"obsidian-rich-links:Rich Links": false,
"obsidian-gallery:Gallery": false,
"obsidian-metatable:Metatable": false,
"table-editor-obsidian:Advanced Tables Toolbar": false,
"obsidian-tts:Text to Speech": false,
"ledger-obsidian:Add to Ledger": false,
"obsidian-map-view:Open map view": false,
"meld-encrypt:New encrypted note": false,
"meld-encrypt:Convert to or from an Encrypted note": false,
"meld-encrypt:Encrypt/Decrypt": false,
"ledger-obsidian:Add to Ledger": false,
"templater-obsidian:Templater": false,
"obsidian-metatable:Metatable": false,
"obsidian-memos:Thino": false,
"obsidian42-brat:BRAT": false,
"obsidian-read-it-later:ReadItLater: Create from clipboard": false,
"obsidian-book-search-plugin:Create new book note": false,
"obsidian-tts:Text to Speech": false,
"table-editor-obsidian:Advanced Tables Toolbar": false,
"templater-obsidian:Templater": false,
"obsidian-kanban:Create new board": false,
"obsidian-rich-links:Rich Links": false,
"msg-handler:MSG Handler": false,
"obsidian-gallery:Gallery": false,
"obsidian-media-db-plugin:Add new Media DB entry": false,
"obsidian42-brat:BRAT": false,
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"switcher:Open quick switcher": false,
"graph:Open graph view": false,
"canvas:Create new canvas": false,
"daily-notes:Open today's daily note": false,
"templates:Insert template": false,
"command-palette:Open command palette": false,
"meld-encrypt:Encrypt/Decrypt In-place": false
}
},
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"lastOpenFiles": [
"01.02 Home/Fashion.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-15.md",
"03.02 Travels/Andermatt.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-20.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-19.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-18.md",
"00.03 News/He Had No Fear Ryan Weddings Path From Olympic Athlete to Drug Lord.md",
"01.02 Home/@Shopping list.md",
"00.07 Wiki/Romain Gary.md",
"01.02 Home/@Main Dashboard.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-14.md",
"00.03 News/How Iran moves sanctioned oil around the world.md",
"00.03 News/On the Grid.md",
"00.03 News/Steward Health a cautionary tale in private equity's push into health care.md",
"00.03 News/Sunset Boulevard in ruins Palisades fires massive scale comes into focus - Los Angeles Times.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-13.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-12.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/Events/2025-01-12 ⚽️ PSG - ASSE (2-1).md",
"00.03 News/Power Failure On Landscape and Abandonment — Switchyard.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2024-12-29.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2024-12-30.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2024-12-31.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-01.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-02.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-03.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-04.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-05.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-06.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-07.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-08.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-09.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-10.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-01-11.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-17.md",
"00.03 News/50 Saturday Night Live Cast Members Reveal Their Favorite Saturday Night Live Cast Members.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-16.md",
"00.03 News/Teenage Carjacking Gangs Play a Real-Life Game of Grand Theft Auto.md",
"00.03 News/Mike Whites Mischievous Vision for “The White Lotus”.md",
"00.03 News/Rape under wraps how Tinder, Hinge and their corporate owner chose profits over safety.md",
"00.03 News/Her job is to remove homeless people from SF's parks. Her methods are extraordinary.md",
"00.03 News/When Flamingos Came to the Chesapeake - The Sunday Long Read.md",
"00.03 News/How the Most Famous Burger in the World Was Created in Pittsburgh.md",
"03.03 Food & Wine/Korean Barbecue-Style Meatballs.md",
"00.01 Admin/Calendars/2025-02-15.md",
"03.02 Travels/Klosters.md",
"03.02 Travels/Arosa.md",
"02.03 Zürich/Albishaus.md",
"02.03 Zürich/Ski Rental Zürich.md",
"03.03 Food & Wine/Beef Noodles with Beans.md",
"03.03 Food & Wine/@Main dishes.md",
"03.03 Food & Wine/Thai Pork Rice Bowl.md",
"06.01 Finances/2025.ledger",
"00.01 Admin/Pictures/Ambar",
"00.01 Admin/Pictures/Sally/ima3958121943638555313.jpeg",
"00.01 Admin/Pictures/Sally/IMG_5006.jpg",
@ -297,7 +314,6 @@
"test.zip",
"00.01 Admin/Pictures/Kolkowitzia",
"00.01 Admin/Pictures/Hibiscus",
"00.01 Admin/Pictures/Viorne Tin",
"00.01 Admin/Test Canvas.canvas"
]
}

@ -115,7 +115,7 @@ This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
:blue_car:: [[$Basville|Basville]] to [[@@Paris|Paris]]
:blue_car:: [[$Basville|Basville]] to [[@@Zürich|Zürich]]
&emsp;

@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
- [x] 08:45 🐎 [[@Lifestyle|Lifestyle]]: Buy [corrective goggles for Polo](https://www.evileye.com/en/), [[2024-09-24|link]] 📅 2024-11-15 ✅ 2024-11-13
- [ ] 12:46 :racehorse: [[@Lifestyle|Lifestyle]]: Check for a new [polo helmet](https://instinct-polo.mybigcommerce.com/design-your-own/#/customise/72546487?basketIndex=9), [[2024-09-24|🔗]] 📅2025-01-31
- [ ] 12:46 :racehorse: [[@Lifestyle|Lifestyle]]: Check for a new [polo helmet](https://instinct-polo.mybigcommerce.com/design-your-own/#/customise/72546487?basketIndex=9), [[2024-09-24|🔗]] 📅 2025-03-31
%% --- %%

@ -16,9 +16,9 @@ Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water:
Coffee:
Steps:
Water: 2
Coffee: 5
Steps: 12186
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
@ -114,7 +114,6 @@ This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-16
Date: 2025-01-16
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 3
Steps: 13591
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-15|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-17|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-16Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-16NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-16
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-16
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-16
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-16]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-17
Date: 2025-01-17
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 3
Steps: 10135
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-16|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-18|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-17Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-17NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-17
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-17
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-17
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-17]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,140 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-18
Date: 2025-01-18
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 8
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 1
Coffee: 2
Steps: 12286
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-17|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-19|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-18Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-18NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-18
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-18
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-18
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🥐: [[Turkish Eggs]]
🍴: [[Chilli con Carne]]
:blue_car:: [[Davinie|Poupi]] est arrivée en voiture de Ville la Grande
🍸: [[Old Crow]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-18]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-19
Date: 2025-01-19
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 2
Steps: 13625
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-18|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-20|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-19Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-19NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-19
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-19
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-19
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🥐: [[Turkish Eggs]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-19]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-20
Date: 2025-01-20
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 4
Steps: 5361
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-19|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-21|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-20Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-20NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-20
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-20
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-20
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-20]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-21
Date: 2025-01-21
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 3
Steps: 11660
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-20|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-22|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-21Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-21NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-21
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-21
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-21
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🍽: [[Korean Barbecue-Style Meatballs]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-21]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-22
Date: 2025-01-22
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 90
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 4
Steps: 11345
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-21|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-23|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-22Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-22NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-22
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-22
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-22
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
:tv:: [[Anatomy of a Fall (2023)]]
🍽: [[Velouté de carottes à lanis]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-22]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-23
Date: 2025-01-23
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 3.03
Coffee: 4
Steps: 12690
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-22|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-24|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-23Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-23NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-23
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-23
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-23
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-23]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-24
Date: 2025-01-24
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.33
Coffee: 4
Steps: 8519
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-23|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-25|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-24Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-24NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-24
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-24
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-24
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-24]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-25
Date: 2025-01-25
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.66
Coffee: 3
Steps: 5003
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-24|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-26|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-25Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-25NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-25
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-25
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-25
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
:tv:: [[2025-01-25 ⚽️ PSG - Reims (1-1)]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-25]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-26
Date: 2025-01-26
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 8
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.66
Coffee: 3
Steps: 10710
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-25|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-27|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-26Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-26NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-26
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-26
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-26
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-26]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,135 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-27
Date: 2025-01-27
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.15
Coffee: 4
Steps: 11246
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-26|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-28|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-27Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-27NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-27
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-27
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-27
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🛫: [[@@Zürich|Zürich]] to [[@@London|London]]
:book:: [[Berlin Alexanderplatz]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-27]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-28
Date: 2025-01-28
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 1.91
Coffee: 5
Steps: 7493
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-27|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-29|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-28Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-28NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-28
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-28
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-28
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-28]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-29
Date: 2025-01-29
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.5
Coffee: 5
Steps: 5746
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-28|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-30|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-29Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-29NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-29
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-29
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-29
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-29]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-30
Date: 2025-01-30
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 0.33
Coffee: 4
Steps: 6681
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-29|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-01-31|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-30Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-30NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-30
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-30
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-30
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-30]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-01-31
Date: 2025-01-31
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 1.83
Coffee: 4
Steps: 8618
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-30|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-01|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-01-31Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-01-31NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-01-31
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-01-31
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-01-31
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🛬: [[@@London|London]] to [[@@Zürich|Zürich]]
:book:: [[Berlin Alexanderplatz]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-01-31]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-01
Date: 2025-02-01
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 8
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 1.33
Coffee: 1
Steps: 1913
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-01-31|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-02|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-01Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-01NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-01
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-01
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-01
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🍴: [[Turkish Eggs]]
🍽: [[Velouté de carottes à lanis]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-01]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-02
Date: 2025-02-02
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.75
Coffee: 1
Steps: 19246
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-01|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-03|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-02Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-02NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-02
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-02
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-02
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-02]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,137 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-03
Date: 2025-02-03
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 6.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.16
Coffee: 4
Steps: 15893
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-02|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-04|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-03Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-03NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-03
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-03
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-03
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
- [x] 10:22 🧹 [[@Life Admin|Admin]]: buy all stuff for Viviana [[2025-02-03|🔗]] 📅 2025-02-08 ✅ 2025-02-08
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🛫: [[@@Zürich|Zürich]] to [[@@London|London]]
:book:: [[Berlin Alexanderplatz]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-03]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-04
Date: 2025-02-04
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 1.61
Coffee: 4
Steps: 9380
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-03|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-05|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-04Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-04NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-04
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-04
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-04
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-04]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-05
Date: 2025-02-05
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 8
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.83
Coffee: 4
Steps: 9212
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-04|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-06|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-05Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-05NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-05
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-05
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-05
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-05]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-06
Date: 2025-02-06
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.5
Coffee: 3
Steps: 9229
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-05|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-07|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-06Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-06NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-06
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-06
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-06
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-06]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-07
Date: 2025-02-07
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 6.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.49
Coffee: 3
Steps: 10337
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-06|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-08|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-07Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-07NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-07
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-07
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-07
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🛬: [[@@London|London]] to [[@@Zürich|Zürich]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-07]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-08
Date: 2025-02-08
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 1
Steps: 9889
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-07|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-09|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-08Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-08NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-08
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-08
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-08
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🍴: [[Spicy Szechuan Noodles with Garlic Chilli Oil]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-08]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-09
Date: 2025-02-09
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 2
Steps: 5627
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-08|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-10|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-09Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-09NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-09
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-09
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-09
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🍽: [[Spicy Coconut Butter Chicken]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-09]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-10
Date: 2025-02-10
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 1.5
Coffee: 3
Steps: 10233
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-09|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-11|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-10Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-10NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-10
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-10
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-10
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-10]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-11
Date: 2025-02-11
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.6
Coffee: 6
Steps: 25272
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-10|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-12|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-11Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-11NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-11
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-11
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-11
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
:book:: [[Berlin Alexanderplatz]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-11]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-12
Date: 2025-02-12
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water:
Coffee: 1
Steps:
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-11|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-13|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-12Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-12NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-12
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-12
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-12
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
:book:: [[Berlin Alexanderplatz]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-12]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-13
Date: 2025-02-13
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 1.6
Coffee: 6
Steps: 21075
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-12|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-14|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-13Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-13NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-13
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-13
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-13
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-13]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-14
Date: 2025-02-14
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 6
Steps:
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-13|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-15|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-14Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-14NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-14
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-14
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-14
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🍽: [[Minnie Sushi]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-14]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-15
Date: 2025-02-15
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 8
Happiness: 90
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2
Coffee: 1
Steps: 12473
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-14|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-16|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-15Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-15NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-15
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-15
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-15
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🍴: [[Beef Noodles with Beans]]
🍽: [[Albishaus]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-15]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-16
Date: 2025-02-16
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 20
BackHeadBar: 30
Water: 3.16
Coffee: 1
Steps: 3506
Weight:
Ski: 11
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-15|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-17|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-16Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-16NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-16
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-16
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-16
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
🎿: [[Andermatt]]
🍽: [[Korean Barbecue-Style Meatballs]]
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-16]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-17
Date: 2025-02-17
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.5
Coffee: 6
Steps: 15704
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-16|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-18|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-17Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-17NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-17
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-17
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-17
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-17]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-18
Date: 2025-02-18
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.5
Coffee: 5
Steps: 12364
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-17|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-19|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-18Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-18NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-18
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-18
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-18
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-18]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-19
Date: 2025-02-19
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water: 2.33
Coffee: 6
Steps: 18417
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-18|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-20|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-19Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-19NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-19
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-19
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-19
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-19]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
---
title: "🗒 Daily Note"
allDay: true
date: 2025-02-20
Date: 2025-02-20
DocType: Note
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp:
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
Sleep: 7.5
Happiness: 85
Gratefulness: 90
Stress: 25
FrontHeadBar: 5
EarHeadBar: 30
BackHeadBar: 20
Water:
Coffee: 4
Steps:
Weight:
Ski:
IceSkating:
Riding:
Racket:
Football:
Swim:
---
%% Parent:: [[@Life Admin]] %%
---
[[2025-02-19|<< 🗓 Previous ]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[@Main Dashboard|Back]] &emsp; &emsp; &emsp; [[2025-02-21|🗓 Next >>]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Record today's health
type command
action MetaEdit: Run MetaEdit
id EditMetaData
```
^button-2025-02-20Edit
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-2025-02-20NSave
&emsp;
# 2025-02-20
&emsp;
> [!summary]+
> Daily note for 2025-02-20
&emsp;
```toc
style: number
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### ✅ Tasks of the day
&emsp;
```tasks
not done
due on 2025-02-20
path does not include Templates
hide backlinks
hide task count
```
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 📝 Memos
&emsp;
This section does serve for quick memos.
&emsp;
%% --- %%
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### 🗒 Notes
&emsp;
Loret ipsum
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### :link: Linked activity
&emsp;
```dataview
Table from [[2025-02-20]]
```
&emsp;
&emsp;

@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
---
title: Médecin
allDay: false
startTime: 11:15
endTime: 12:15
date: 2023-01-23
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
[[2023-01-23|Ce jour]], 1er RDV avec [[Dr Cleopatra Morales]].

@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
---
title: Genève
allDay: true
date: 2023-02-06
endDate: 2023-02-08
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
Depart à [[Geneva|Genève]] [[2023-02-06|ce jour]] et retour le [[223-02-07|lendemain]].

@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
---
title: ⚕ Médecin
allDay: false
startTime: 12:15
endTime: 13:15
date: 2023-02-09
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
[[2023-02-09|Ce jour]], RDV de suivi avec [[Dr Cleopatra Morales]]

@ -0,0 +1,91 @@
---
title: "👰‍♀ Mariage Eloi & Zélie"
allDay: true
date: 2023-02-10
endDate: 2023-02-12
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
Mariage d[[Eloi de Villeneuve|Éloi]] avec [[Zélie]] en [[@France|Bretagne]] (Rennes) [[2023-02-11|ce jour]].
&emsp;
🚆: 23h11, arrivée à Rennes
&emsp;
🏨: **Hotel Saint Antoine**<br>27 avenue Janvier<br>Rennes
&emsp;
### Vendredi 10 Février
&emsp;
#### 17h: Mariage civil
Mairie de Montfort-sur-Meu (35)
&emsp;
#### 20h30: Veillée de Prière
Chapelle du château de la Châsse
Iffendic (35)
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### Samedi 11 Février
&emsp;
#### 14h: Messe de Mariage
Saint-Louis-Marie
Montfort-sur-Meu (35)
&emsp;
#### 16h30: Cocktail
Château de la Châsse
Iffendic (35)
&emsp;
#### 19h30: Dîner
Château de la Châsse
Iffendic (35)
&emsp;
---
&emsp;
### Dimanche 12 Février
&emsp;
#### 11h: Messe
Chapelle du château de la Châsse
Iffendic (35)
&emsp;
#### 12h: Déjeuner breton
Château de la Châsse
Iffendic (35)
&emsp;
🚆: 13h35, départ de Rennes

@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
---
title: 🎬 Tár @ Riff Raff
allDay: false
startTime: 20:30
endTime: 22:30
date: 2023-02-19
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
[[2023-02-19|Ce jour]], [[Tár (2022)]] @ [[Riff Raff Kino Bar]].

@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
---
title: 🩺 Médecin
allDay: false
startTime: 15:00
endTime: 15:30
date: 2023-03-06
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
[[2023-03-06|Ce jour]], rdv avec [[Dr Awad Abuawad]]

@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
---
title: 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Marg & Arnold à Zürich
allDay: true
date: 2023-03-11
endDate: 2023-03-13
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
Arrivée le [[2023-03-11|11 mars]] de [[Marguerite de Villeneuve|Marg]] et [[Arnold Moulin|Arnold]].
Départ le [[2023-03-12|lendemain]].

@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
---
title: 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Molly & boyfriend in Zürich
allDay: true
date: 2023-03-18
endDate: 2023-03-20
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
Weekend in [[@@Zürich|Zürich]] for [[@@MRCK|Meggi-mo]]s cousin Molly and boyfriend.
Arrival on [[2023-03-18|18th March]] and departure on Monday [[2023-03-20|20th March]].

@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
---
title: 🩺 Médecin
allDay: false
startTime: 11:45
endTime: 12:15
date: 2023-04-14
completed: null
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
[[2023-04-14|Ce jour]], rdv avec [[Dr Cleopatra Morales]]

@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
---
title: 🏠 Arrivée Papa
allDay: false
startTime: 20:26
endTime: 21:26
date: 2023-12-21
completed: null
---
[[2023-12-21|Ce jour]], arrivée de [[Amaury de Villeneuve|Papa]] à [[@@Zürich|Zürich]]

@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
---
title: 🗼 Départ Papa
allDay: false
startTime: 13:30
endTime: 14:30
date: 2023-12-27
completed: null
---
[[2023-12-27|Ce jour]], départ de [[Amaury de Villeneuve|Papa]] de [[@@Zürich|Zürich]] pour [[@@Paris|Paris]]

@ -0,0 +1,20 @@
---
title: ⚽️ PSG - Stade Reims (1-1)
allDay: false
startTime: 21:00
endTime: 23:00
date: 2025-01-25
completed: null
---
[[2025-01-25|Ce jour]], [[Paris SG|PSG]] - Stade Reims: 1-1
Buteurs:: ⚽️ Dembélé<br>⚽️ Nakamura (SR)
&emsp;
```lineup
formation: 433
players: Donnarumma,Nuno Mendes, Hernandez,Beraldo,Zaïre-Emery,Lee,Ruiz,Doué,Kvaratskhelia,G.Ramos,Dembélé
```

@ -0,0 +1,171 @@
---
Tag: ["🎭", "📺", "🇺🇸"]
Date: 2025-02-02
DocType: "WebClipping"
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp: 2025-02-02
Link: https://www.gq.com/story/1-snl-greatest-cast-funniest-person
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
Parent:: [[@News|News]]
Read:: [[2025-02-17]]
---
&emsp;
```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-50SNLCastMembersRevealTheirFavoriteCastMembersNSave
&emsp;
# 50 Saturday Night Live Cast Members Reveal Their Favorite Saturday Night Live Cast Members
*This story was featured in The Must Read, a newsletter in which our editors recommend one cant-miss story every weekday. [Sign up here to get it in your inbox.](https://www.gq.com/newsletter/mustRead?newsletterId=249017&sourcecode=articleCTA)*
---
*Saturday Night Live* turns 50 this year. A sketch-comedy moon shot launched by a scruffy band of Canadians and stoners has become a pop-cultural institution—the longest-running scripted show on TV that isnt a soap opera or *Sesame Street.* Late last year, to mark this historic anniversary, *GQ* interviewed over 50 other past and present *SNL* cast members—from original Not Ready For Primetime Players like Laraine Newman, Jane Curtin, and [Garrett Morris](https://www.gq.com/story/saturday-night-live-garrett-morris) to newcomers like Ashley Padilla, Jane Wickline, and Emil Wakim, each of whom had been on the show for all of eight weeks when we talked—and asked each of them the same eight questions about the shows broader cultural footprint and their own experiences making it.
A feature story drawn from those conversations, “Saturday Night Forever,” will appear in the March print edition of *GQ*—but all this week on GQ.com, were bringing you an expanded, Bill Braskysize version of that story, along with anecdotes and recollections that didnt make it to the page. And were kicking it off today with the casts answers to two questions, including one that almost everyone found impossible to answer.
Which era of *SNL* do you think had the all-time greatest cast, and why?
**[Chris Rock](https://www.gq.com/about/chris-rock),** *cast member, 199093:* The original cast was the best.
**Joe Piscopo,** *cast member, 198084:* First cast, original cast. Never before. Never since. Best cast ever. Television history. No ones matched it. Not marginally. It was [the Beatles](https://www.gq.com/about/the-beatles), it was Frank Sinatra. And then all of us tried to do the best we could. And some of us had some really great moments.
**Tim Kazurinsky,** *cast member, 198084:* They could have ended this series after the first five years. That first cast was untouchable.
**Kenan Thompson,** *cast member, 2003present:* They made a foundation to build on. A foundation of freedom, creativity, really funny performance and smart material. Dan Aykroyd used to do some wild runs.
**Dana Carvey,** *cast member, 198693:* They were just rock stars and badass pirates. When I got the show, I didnt really feel I belonged. Aykroyd, Bill Murray—they were all over six feet tall. Belushi obviously could beat you up or hit you. And Chevy was six four. So I just felt like they could make you laugh or beat you up. So when I came in with Phil Hartman, God rest his soul, and Jan Hooks and everybody, I didnt really have any sense of thinking we could do anything like that. I pretty much thought the plug would be pulled on the show when I was on it.
But from 90 to 93, we still had Phil Hartman and Mike Myers, and then we added in what we used to call the junior varsity: Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, David Spade, Tim Meadows, Ellen Cleghorne. The show had an inordinate amount of firepower, if its a military analogy. When those guys were coming into their own and we still had the other team whod been there a while, it was pretty magic to be there.
New York Daily News Archive/Getty Images
**Pete Davidson,** *cast member, 201422:* My favorite era is definitely the Sandler-Farley-Spade era, because you can tell they were best pals and it was more like watching your friends goof off. The best cast ever, though, was the class before mine—Hader, Wiig, Armisen, Samberg, Forte, Seth \[Meyers\], et cetera.
**Tracy Morgan,** *cast member, 19962003:* It was between Not Ready for Prime Time and mine—[Will Ferrell](https://www.gq.com/about/will-ferrell) and Chris Kattan and everyone. That's what we were compared to. We were compared to Not Ready for Prime Time.
I mean Eddie Murphys cast, it was just Eddie there, and Piscopo, but us—it was all of us. All of us could sing.
**Ana Gasteyer,** *cast member, 19962002:* To pick one \[cast\] would be kind of unfair to the legacy. But, specifically I wanted to be a comedian when I first saw Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn work.
**Robert Smigel,** *writer, 198593, 19962008; cast member, 199193:* Im always going to have ultimate respect for \[the original\] cast. And then Dana and Phil and Jan and Kevin \[Nealon\]—super impressive. But I think maybe the biggest collection of creative geniuses was—I would put it somewhere between 2004 and 2010. What was unique about that cast was they had the same taste collectively.
You didnt feel like any one person was dominating, even though some of those people were absolute all-timers. Just, collectively, the talent both on and beyond the show—I dont know that any cast can match that group, honestly.
**James Austin Johnson,** *cast member, 2021present:* Its the one that has Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, Jason Sudeikis. Thats the best cast of *SNL.* I feel very comfortable saying it. Theres something really, really special about those years. Im in awe of their connection to each other when I see them in scenes together. They are so bonded. And that is what I tune in for, as a sketch-comedy enjoyer. It doesnt get better than “The Californians.” Theyre breaking because yes, its a silly, really fun sketch, but I mean, theyre breaking because they enjoy each other. And I think that that is sublime. Thats what Im always striving for, is a sublime moment. Thats me speaking very, very highly of what is, at its core, a very ridiculous sketch. But this is my lifes work, so Im happy to speak that elevatedly about it.
**Bill Hader,** *cast member, 200513:* I think its always the cast that you first saw. And so, for me it was 1986. I think maybe the first episode of *SNL* I remember watching was their first show, Sigourney Weaver hosting, and its when Dana Carvey sang “Chopping Broccoli.” I remember that vividly. I'm sure there was stuff I saw before then, like Billy Crystal and [Martin Short](https://www.gq.com/story/steve-martin-and-martin-short-friends-interview) and Eddie Murphy and all that. But the cast I latched onto was that one. and Eddie Murphy and all that. But the cast I latched onto was that one. Nora Dunn and Jan Hooks, who was so funny. Jan Hooks in the Judge Wapner sketch, with Rosanna Arquette, where she says, “I am a bar fly”? Thats funny.
**Ellen Cleghorne,** *cast member, 199195:* The all-time greatest cast, I would have to say, is the original, of course. But I want to be egotistically subjective and say that my era was the best. Chris Farley, [Adam Sandler,](https://www.gq.com/about/adam-sandler) David Spade, Kevin Nealon, Julia Sweeney.
**Devon Walker,** *cast member, 2022present:* Am I allowed to say its our cast? Truly—I know youre supposed to say it was the 70s cast, or the 90s cast. But I believe in what were doing at the show right now so much that, I dont know—Im going with our squad. Give me Dismukes and [Bowen Yang](https://www.gq.com/story/bowen-yang-saturday-night-live) and Sarah Sherman and James Austin Johnson and Ego Nwodim. Give me my starting five. I like our team. I believe in us a lot. My favorite era is the one we're in. Present day.
*Who was the single funniest cast member in* Saturday Night Live*s history?*
**Mark McKinney,** *writer, 198586; cast member, 199597:* I cant give you one. I cant. Theres just too many. No. I have to have at least 10. No—15. Write down that Im refusing to answer your question.
**Smigel:** [Bill Murray](https://www.gq.com/about/bill-murray). Hes also the funniest person Ive ever met—if I had a gun to my head, that was being held by Bill Murray.
**Newman:** There simply cant be a single funniest, but Id say in the original cast, Dan Aykroyd, in my opinion, was the funniest.
**Jim Belushi,** *cast member, 198385:* John. Absolutely. The greatest.
**Bowen Yang,** *writer, 201819; cast member, 2019present:* The one that set the model for all the future success of the show was probably Gilda Radner. She technically had the first recurring character, with Roseanne Roseannadanna. She had the first catchphrase with, “Its always something.” She came on and just set the blueprint. She literally is the blueprint for the show being successful, for individual people coming in and making the show successful, and having that translate across different eras of politics and culture and also comedy. Its still the working document, you know what I mean? And theres the tragedy there too—theres every part of human life.
NBC/Getty Images
**Rob Riggle,** *cast member, 200405:* I would say, on the Mt. Rushmore of that show, it has to be Eddie, it has to be Will \[Ferrell\], probably Belushi and probably Aykroyd. Ahh, God—thats not fair either, because Amy Poehler belongs up there too. Its going to be a big Rushmore. Its going to be like an eight-faced Rushmore.
**Amy Poehler,** *cast member, 200108:* Maya Rudolph.
**Chloe Fineman,** *cast member, 2019present*: I think Kate McKinnon is such a freak of nature. Shes a gift from the gods, in terms of, like, a truly uninhibited weirdo, who I was really lucky to get to be insane with.
**Chris Kattan,** *cast member, 19962003:* It has to be [Eddie Murphy](https://www.gq.com/about/eddie-murphy). He could do no wrong. Every character was hilarious, and theyre all so different, and he was so relaxed and so confident, and he just looked like he was having so much fun doing what he was doing.
**Piscopo:** Eddie. Far and away. Everybodys going to tell you that same answer, but I had the honor of creating with him. And I may be not objective in that regard, but Eddie Murphy, hands down.
**Taran Killam,** *cast member, 201016:* He was 19 years old and just had the confidence of maybe the most confident comedic performer in history. He just was undeniably funny. He was very cool. He wasnt afraid to be silly, but he was also very cool, which I found very appealing.
**Jay Pharoah,** *cast member, 201016:* Without a doubt, its Eddie Murphy. Come on.
**Alex Moffat,** *cast member, 201622:* Its got to be Murphy.
**Rock:** Eddie Murphy was the best, second best was Phil Hartman.
**Cleghorne:** Eddie Murphy. A close second for me is Chris Farley. Just ridiculously funny. \[Chris Farley voice\] *Van down by the river!* That ability to make anger really funny.
**Carvey:** Farley doing “In a van down by the river…” was the most explosively funny thing. You would never want your sketch to come on after that.
**Jay Mohr,** *cast member, 1993 95:* Chris Farley \[doing\] “Little Women” was the greatest sketch Ive ever seen in my life. Theyre all speaking this Victorian fancy-schmancy language. And then he falls through the ice and hes swearing at them.
But when it was over, he got up out of the water, out of the crack in the ice, and he put his fists up over his head, and the place erupted like a fighter leaving the octagon. And that was one of the more powerful things Ive ever seen in my life.
**Sarah Silverman,** *cast member, 199394:* Farley had been there three years and he was already a big star there. And I remember showing up for rehearsal on Thursday or Friday and sitting on the stage and I got there early and so did he. And he was like, *Can you believe it? Can you believe were on the same stage as John Belushi? I cant even believe it.* It really opened my eyes to being in the moment because I was kind of coming from a place, like so many comedians, of like, *Well, if I got the job, it couldnt be that great*. But it was, you know what I mean? He saw it that way and I thought that was really cool. It affected me to see him that grateful and still so excited.
**Davidson:** My favorite cast member and human being forever will always be the Sandman.
**Janeane Garofalo,** *cast member, 199495:* I cant answer that. I feel like its going to hurt somebodys feelings. Im going to go with Jan Hooks, goddamn it.
**Thompson:** I think most people would give it to Will Ferrell because hes one of the funniest people but also one of the nicest in the world.
**Cheri Oteri,** *cast member, 19952000:* Will Ferrell.
**Andy Samberg,** *cast member, 200512:* I mean, this is generational. I would say, I dont know about the funniest ever, but probably the hardest I laughed the most at one cast member personally is Ferrell.
I think Im just saying there was a moment in my life, when Ferrell was on fire on the show, that I was really keyed in, and he was speaking my language. It felt like he was talking right to me, with the way that him and McKay were writing.
**Walker:** [Tracy Morgan](https://www.gq.com/about/tracy-morgan). Give me Tracy. I love Tracy so much. Hes my favorite *SNL* cast member of all time. I dont think theres ever been anybody like him on the show before or since.You know what Im saying? Theres not two Tracy Morgans in the game. And I dont think there ever will be another one. He was just so delightfully weird in a way that really, really resonated. I hope to tap into just a tiny piece of what he found on the show.
NBC/Getty Images
**Sasheer Zamata,** *cast member, 201417:* Tracy came to host when I was there, and you know, he knows the show because he was on it for so long. But I remember he was in my office when I was writing. Maybe this was my first year or second year? I remember him \[and I\] having a really—not exactly a heart-to-heart—but just a moment of like, recognizing, “Hey, this is *hard*.” He was kind of giving me advice and saying theres definitely value in being grateful and appreciative of the job that youve been given, but after a while, you got to show your teeth and remind people why youre here, and kind of bring out that tiger in you.
I really loved that and took it to heart. I do feel like it changed my perspective of my energy there, and my time there. I feel like by the time I left I really was so comfortable saying how I felt and fighting for my ideas. I dont know if I would have gotten to that place if I didnt have someone say, like, “Oh, you can do this. Youre allowed.”
**Bobby Moynihan,** *cast member, 200817:* Quickly, two Tracy stories. The first time I ever met Tracy, when they opened the doors for the pitch meeting, I walked in and he was standing in the center of the room with his arms up in the air screaming, “*The Dark Horse has returne*d.” Then the next time I saw him, he was in the writers room and he had Colin Jost and he was screaming at Colin and a couple of the other of the writers, saying, “Man, if a girl disrespects you, you have to give her the butt.“ I dont know what that means, but that was what he was saying.
And then my last Tracy story: One night, for some reason, we all thought it would be funny to go to Dave and Busters on a Wednesday night at 9 p.m. We went there and Tracy Morgan was there. Hes like, “What are you guys doing here?” And we were like, “What are *you* doing here?” And hes like, “I come here every Wednesday.” He goes to the Dave and Busters in Times Square every Wednesday, if you want to meet him.
**Jane Wickline,** *cast member, 2024present:* Kristen Wiig. Shes just a genius.
**Tim Meadows,** *cast member, 19912000:* Kristen Wiig, probably. She does weird shit, she does character shit, and she just seems nuts, and I love that about her.
**Emil Wakim,** *cast member, 2024present:* Will Forte—every single word Will Forte says makes me laugh so hard.
**Killam:** Theres just an inherent kindness about Will, but no one is willing to commit harder or farther for the bit than Forte. I love his absurdity. I love the sort of deranged quality of his work. He can go from really, really sweet and unassuming to horribly, offensively dark.
**Hader:** I cant name one person. Theres so many people that made me laugh. Phil Hartman and Martin Short made me laugh so hard. Eddie Murphy, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph. Kristen Wiig made me laugh so much. Doing sketches with her was so impossible. Fred Armisen, Will Forte, Andy, Jason.
But if I had to pick one, I would just say Phil Hartman. When I got the show, I went, “I want to be like that guy. Just give me whatever, Ill play it the best I can, and I will serve your piece.” I didnt feel very confident as a writer, so I was like, Just whatever you put me in, Ill do the best job I can do in it, in making it funny and fun.“ And for the most part, I did that.
And then, by the end I was getting lazy and loose, and I would laugh a lot, and that was when I was like, “I should probably leave. Were having maybe a little bit too much fun.” Especially me and Fred—we would just start fucking with each other out there. And I was like, “Ah, maybe we should leave.”
**McKinney:** Hey—Ill pick a long horse. I loved Danitra Vance. She came to the show as a performance artist from Chicago and was funny and wise and is no longer with us. So Im going to tip my hat to her.
**Kevin Nealon,** *cast member, 198695:* Besides me?
*As told to Brittany Loggins, Gabriella Paiella, Alex Pappademas, and Zinya Salfiti.*
---
*SNL50: The Anniversary Special* airs at 8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT on Sunday, February 16, on NBC and Peacock. To read all of *GQ*s coverage of *Saturday Night Live*s 50th anniversary, [click here.](https://www.gq.com/about/saturday-night-live)
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# A 19-year-old Stanford phenom is blazing a new trail from Japan to the majors
STANFORD, Calif. — The dugout chatter for intrasquad games at the Sunken Diamond can be merciless.
The slings and arrows are nonstop when Stanford baseball players are pitted against one another. The guys wearing red jerseys shout streams of insults at players on the black team and vice versa. “Whoa, hey, Lukes got a new stance,” a player wearing a black jersey yells as freshman catcher Luke Lavin stands upright in the batters box, perhaps imitating the Chicago Cubs [Cody Bellinger](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/cody-bellinger-C79P7luR8MM8ZftM/).
Lavin pops up the next pitch. *“Same swing, though!”*
But the tone changes when No. 3 for the black team, a husky teenager and early enrollee who wont begin his freshman season until next year, steps in the box. The good-natured ribbing gives way to full-throated encouragement from both sides. *Lets go Rintaro! Cmon Rintaro! Give it a ride, Rintaro!*
“We still cant believe hes here,” infielder Jimmy Nati said. “Were all fanboying him, for sure.”
Rintaro Sasaki is not the typical Stanford baseball recruit. Back home in Japan, he is a national celebrity, instantly recognizable almost anywhere he goes. Last year, Sasaki was the top-rated high school player in a country where high school baseball is a national obsession. The left-handed slugger was projected to be the most coveted name in last Octobers Nippon Professional Baseball draft. He mashed a national record 140 home runs, with twice as many walks as strikeouts, for Hanamaki-Higashi High School in Iwate Prefecture, the same school that produced [Los Angeles Dodgers](https://theathletic.com/mlb/team/dodgers/) superstar [Shohei Ohtani](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/shohei-ohtani-PYXhWEdNdM6bQVDP/) and [Toronto Blue Jays](https://theathletic.com/mlb/team/jays/) left-hander [Yusei Kikuchi](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/yusei-kikuchi-1W4GePfKB8OMgQX4/). Sasakis father, Hiroshi, coached all of them and is a legendary figure in his own right.
When Rintaro graduated from high school this past March, television stations dispatched more than 30 camera crews to cover the event.
It would be a last glimpse. Sasaki announced a few weeks prior to the NPB draft that he would not register for it. Instead, he would blaze a trail and play collegiate ball in the United States — a nearly unprecedented path that could fast-track him to [Major League Baseball](https://theathletic.com/mlb/) as a draft-eligible sophomore in 2026.
In February, Sasaki stunned Stanford coach David Esquer and recruiting coordinator Thomas Eager when he requested a Zoom call with them, asked a few logistical questions, then told them that he was selecting the Cardinal over Cal, UCLA, and Vanderbilt.
Sasaki arrived on campus at the beginning of April, moved into a dorm room and enrolled in three classes as a pre-freshman. He can participate in all team activities except playing in games. He practices and works out with his new teammates. On game days, he suits up, cheers them on from the dugout and eagerly takes part in all the pregame traditions. Hes gone on road trips to Utah and Oregon State. Hes surprised everyone with how much English he understands, and hes left them slack-jawed with his batting-practice shots over the light standards. When he turned 19 on April 18, his teammates took him out to a dinner that included ice cream, candles and tables of complete strangers joining in to sing “Happy Birthday.”
He is absolutely loving all of it.
“I made the right choice,” Sasaki said through interpreter and team trainer Tomoo Yamada. “People are nice to me. Everyone is my friend. I havent missed Japan yet. I feel completely settled. I cant believe its been only four weeks. Im enjoying life.”
![](https://cdn.theathletic.com/app/uploads/2024/04/29214618/45084241_Rintaro_Sasaki_JPL_03242024_00042-scaled.jpg)
Sasaki was a national star in high school, but his first month in California has largely been filled with normal college experiences. (Courtesy of Stanford Athletics)
---
Beyond the right field fence at Klein Field, past the scoreboard and a stand of trees, is the Avery Aquatic Center. Its where Olympic swimmer Katie Ledecky would lap the competition during her brief time as a Stanford student. As best as anyone can tell, thats where a couple of Sasakis tape-measure home runs have splashed down.
Everything about Sasaki is broad and powerful, a body rendered in letterbox format. He stands 6 feet and 250 pounds, and his full-tilt swing puts every ounce behind the baseball. He hits line drives to left field that dismiss gravity as they streak over the fence. His pull power is pure astonishment. The ear-splitting sound off his aluminum bat exceeds OSHA safety standards.
“He looks like Barry Bonds,” Nati said. “Thats how good hes going to be. When he runs into balls, he hits them over the light tower. Its crazy.
“The ball comes off different. You can close your eyes, hear the sound and know its him.”
In a simulated game at Stanford last Wednesday, Sasaki lined a single off the fence and crushed two homers. According to Trackman, the second homer traveled 422 feet, with an exit velocity of 111 mph.
“Hey Rintaro,” Esquer called out. “Youll need to get that one out of the swimming pool.”
“Swimming pool?” Sasaki replied, then nodded and laughed. He knew what the words meant. He just needed a second to process them.
Heres another word to add to his growing vocabulary: *Trailblazer*.
“Ah, pioneer?” Sasaki said in English. “Yes, I know it.”
If Sasaki had been drafted by an NPB team, he would have been under club control for nine years. Although Japanese pro teams often gain a windfall in posting fees by making their players available to MLB before their nine years are up, there are no guarantees. Sasaki might have been pushing 30 by the time he had an opportunity to play in the U.S.
He made it clear: His goal is to play in the major leagues.
“Ohtani and Kikuchi are already overseas,” Sasaki said. “I always thought one day, hopefully I can get there. They were big influences for me. Ohtani said, Follow your instinct. That is what you decided. That is a path you need to keep walking.'”
Sasakis path — to become MLB draft-eligible by attending an American university — has almost no precedent. [Rikuu Nishida](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/rikuu-nishida-9TLGm5n6p0d7S0sz/), a speedy infielder from Sendai, was an 11th-round pick of the [Chicago White Sox](https://theathletic.com/mlb/team/whitesox/) last year after a standout season at the University of Oregon. But Nishida, who played two seasons at a junior college upon arriving in the U.S., was not an NPB draft prospect in Japan.
Although there are no written rules that would prohibit an MLB team from signing a Japanese high school player out of its international signing pool, theres been an unofficial understanding among teams against the practice. (Until 2020, when it rescinded its rule, NPB enforced a ban of two to three years on Japanese players who opted out of the draft and signed with a foreign league.)
Ohtani came close to setting a groundbreaking precedent as a high school phenom in 2012, when he advised NBP teams against drafting him, saying that he intended to sign with an MLB franchise. The Nippon Ham Fighters took him anyway, then persuaded him to sign by promising to let him develop as a two-way player.
NPB teams had no such hope of signing Sasaki, who ensured that he would be taken off the NPB draft board by attending an American university. Now he will have two seasons to improve his conditioning and address weaknesses in his game before turning pro.
The chance to develop in less of a fishbowl environment was appealing to Sasaki and his father, as well.
“In Japan, people tend to focus more on shortcomings. But in the U.S., they develop individuality,” Hiroshi Sasaki [told CNN](https://www.cnn.com/2024/03/30/asia/ohtani-kikuchi-japan-baseball-prodigy-intl-hnk/index.html) in March.  “I think this is a very good choice for him.”
It is a choice that involves financial risk and delayed gratification. As a first-round pick in NPB, Sasaki likely would have received a signing bonus and incentives worth more than $1 million, plus personal services contracts that could have earned him hundreds of thousands more. At Stanford, of course, he is merely a student-athlete on scholarship. He also cannot participate in NIL opportunities while on U.S. soil because he is an international player on a student visa.
He would earn a multimillion bonus if he is a first-round pick in 2026, but that is far from assured. Because he is limited to first base and his defensive skills are unpolished, his bat must be compelling. And although he faced top high school competition in Japan, advancing to the Best Eight at the famed Koshien tournament last year, he mostly hit against pitchers who threw in the upper 80s.
He is betting on himself. And on Stanford to help him develop his gifts.
“I had the confidence to come to the States,” Sasaki said. “Right now I want to settle in here, take classes and do well. Take one step at a time. And two years from today, well see where I am at. Getting to the major leagues is not everything for my life. Of course I want to get drafted and get to the major leagues. But I want to keep studying and also be a good person.”
Does that make him a pioneer? He shrugged. Thats for others to decide.
“Hes showing a lot of courage to come here spring quarter, practice on a daily basis with a college team and look so comfortable,” Esquer said. “He wants to get an education and maybe become an entrepreneur, but hes also told us that he wants to leave a mark and blaze a trail for Japanese players to come here and play college baseball. Eighteen-year-old kids dont normally think that way.
“He grew up with Ohtani. Hes seen the standard of what it takes to be great.”
If Sasaki becomes a top MLB draft prospect two years from now, hes likely to be regarded as the baseball player who upended an entire system — something that even Ohtani could not accomplish.
Ohtani, asked about his influence on Sasakis decision, said he merely offered support and encouragement.
“I didnt really offer any advice or anything like that,” Ohtani said through Dodgers interpreter Will Ireton. “Making the best decision usually comes from being convicted. Ive made decisions like that in the past as well. I feel like thats the decision he made from his conviction.”
![](https://cdn.theathletic.com/app/uploads/2024/04/29210433/Screenshot-2024-04-13-at-4.56.17-PM-e1714439137556.png)
Sasaki (right) has known Ohtani since he was young, and has turned to the megastar for advice over the years. (Courtesy of the Sasaki family)
---
Esquer and his coaches still have trouble believing Sasaki is here.
Stanford was a late entrant when the recruitment process began last year. Sasaki took unofficial visits to Vanderbilt, Duke, UCLA and Cal — he also attended a [Giants](https://theathletic.com/mlb/team/sf-giants/) game at Oracle Park — but did not go to Palo Alto. At the time, there wasnt a spot for him at Stanford, which allows a strict number of admissions per sport. Then two Cardinal players entered the transfer portal and a few others de-committed.
Suddenly, Stanford had a spot — and plenty of interest.
“We were playing catch-up, to be honest with you,” said Eager, who is the teams pitching coach as well as recruiting coordinator. “In the Japanese culture, because we werent involved in the first go-around, we didnt know if they would take it as a sign of disrespect. We hoped to explain that this is just how it operates here. We liked him all along. And we had a good official visit in January. But I tell you what, I did not think we were getting him.”
The official visit included meet-and-greets with three Stanford alums who are major leaguers: [Chicago Cubs](https://theathletic.com/mlb/team/cubs/) second baseman [Nico Hoerner](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/nico-hoerner-Kuwj5u6wl0Zejo84/), [Kansas City Royals](https://theathletic.com/mlb/team/royals/) pitcher [Kris Bubic](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/kris-bubic-BS13R3Nbm6cptfCh/) and San Francisco Giants pitcher [Tristan Beck](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/tristan-beck-FKypLOG4plywtbHr/). Hoerner drew on his experience playing with Japanese outfielder [Seiya Suzuki](https://theathletic.com/mlb/player/seiya-suzuki-2K0ed4mlUN93bC3A/) in Chicago while encouraging Sasaki to make sure he could continue the routines that are important to him.
“You can do your best to put yourself in someones shoes, but it is a totally different experience what hes going to be doing,” Hoerner said. “The adjustment to college, even for myself, driving 45 minutes from where I grew up, was really different. Doing that with a language barrier, taking classes, and the whole schedule is a lot.
“In pro ball, youre in charge of your own career at the end of the day. But a lot of times in college, youre pretty much subject to whatever the program believes in. So I just felt it was really important to stress that whatever it is that makes him tick as a player, hed be able to continue to do that. Because not all college programs would really be (OK) with that. And I did feel like Stanford, with the staff that they have, are there for whatever the players need.”
Esquer knew what was at stake, even beyond adding a potential impact hitter. If Sasaki chose Stanford, it would enhance the universitys already prestigious international brand. And if Sasaki became the first arrival that breaks a dam, perhaps the pipeline of talent from Japan would lead directly to the Sunken Diamond.
Sasakis visit was thorough but not ostentatious. The team hired a taco truck to cater a post-practice party. Several players remarked that they saw Esquer wearing a suit for the first time. Mostly, Esquer hoped to convey that Sasaki would have every resource to develop as a player and person.
“My promise to you is that were going to take care of your son,” Esquer told Hiroshi Sasaki. “Were going to coach him and help him get better, but also were going to make sure hes well looked after.”
Beck laughed when he recalled his recruiting visit more than a decade ago. No taco trucks, no meetings with trustees, no coaches in suits. But he remembered one thing someone told him that might have resonated with an international celebrity like Sasaki.
“One of the adages I heard before I enrolled was, Dont worry about being bothered, because the most famous people here dont play sports at all,'” Beck said. “The most interesting people here arent even athletes, even with people like Andrew Luck walking around campus.
“He did mention his favorite team was the Giants, which is sweet. I made sure he said that a couple more times so Nico and Kris were sure to hear it.”
![](https://cdn.theathletic.com/app/uploads/2024/04/29221823/46157938_Rintaro-Sasaki_JPL_04112024_00052-scaled.jpg)
Sasaki was projected to be a top pick in the NBP draft after hitting a national record 140 home runs in high school. (Courtesy of Stanford Athletics)
---
You might assume that Sasaki wants to become the next Ohtani. But theres another home run hitter that he has spent his life emulating.
“I dont know how far I can go, but I respect Barry Bonds a lot,” Sasaki said. “(To) one day get to be as close as possible to Barry Bonds — that is my goal.”
Bonds, and not Shohei?
“Ever since I was in elementary school, I was watching Barry Bonds,” Sasaki said. “Ohtani was one of my mentors. Sometimes I communicate with him and get advice. But Barry Bonds was my ultimate goal since I was little. Dont misunderstand. I respect Shohei and Barry Bonds both.
“When Bonds got in the batters box, people expected to see something big or something special. I want to be like that.”
> Rintaro Sasaki, my goodness.
>
> Wish we couldve seen this swing in NPB but Im confident hes going to blossom into a superstar. [pic.twitter.com/ifkODlbc2g](https://t.co/ifkODlbc2g)
>
> — Yakyu Cosmopolitan (@yakyucosmo) [April 30, 2024](https://twitter.com/yakyucosmo/status/1785342803008159893?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)
For now, Sasaki just wants to be a good teammate and fit in. He is taking a language skills class with other international students, but his other two courses, including an introductory class in human biology, are in English. He understands more than he can speak, but baseball tends to operate with its own universal language. When Yamada, the trainer, returned to Japan for a week, Sasaki appeared to manage just fine. If Sasaki gets stuck on a word, bullpen catcher Michael Fung, who is minoring in East Asian Studies and spent time last year studying in Stanfords overseas program in Kyoto, is usually able to help bridge any language gap.
Sasaki declined Esquers offer of a full-time interpreter, saying he would chip away at the language barrier faster with the help of his teammates.
“It fired us up to hear that,” said Lavin, who has become one of Sasakis more steady companions. “Because it seems hes really bought into the teams culture and being around us. Hes a normal teammate here. You cant tell from talking to him that hes super famous. He has not brought it up once, how many people know his name.”
Still, Sasaki is likely to draw crowds very soon. The word is just beginning to trickle out that he is on campus. At a recent game at Santa Clara University, two dozen Japanese baseball fans waited outside the ballpark so they could meet Sasaki and take pictures with him. Stanford officials are gearing up for more attention, more media and more fans.
For now, his competition is limited to those spirited intrasquad games. A couple of his teammates already feel comfortable enough to engage in a bit of sarcastic banter. And theyve learned that Sasaki is already comfortable enough to dish it right back.
“We were at Oregon State and Im watching him flick home runs the other way,” Lavin said. “So I said to him, Ah, its just the wind. Then the wind died down and he started hitting pull-side homers over the stands.
“And he looked at me and said, Its not the wind.'”
**The Athletic*****s Fabian Ardaya and Patrick Mooney contributed to this story.*** 
*(Top image: Sean Reilly /* The Athletic*; Photos: Courtesy of Stanford Athletics)*
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# A British Nurse Was Found Guilty of Killing Seven Babies. Did She Do It?
Last August, Lucy Letby, a thirty-three-year-old British nurse, was convicted of killing seven newborn babies and attempting to kill six others. Her murder trial, one of the longest in English history, lasted more than ten months and captivated the United Kingdom. The *Guardian*, which published more than a [hundred](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/lucy-letby) stories about the case, called her “one of the most notorious female murderers of the last century.” The collective acceptance of her guilt was absolute. “She has thrown open the door to Hell,” the *Daily Mail* wrote, “and the stench of evil overwhelms us all.”
The case galvanized the British government. The Health Secretary immediately announced an inquiry to examine how Letbys hospital had failed to protect babies. After Letby refused to attend her sentencing hearing, the Justice Secretary said that hed work to change the law so that defendants would be required to go to court to be sentenced. Rishi Sunak, the Prime Minister, said, “Its cowardly that people who commit such horrendous crimes do not face their victims.”
The public conversation rushed forward without much curiosity about an incongruous aspect of the story: Letby appeared to have been a psychologically healthy and happy person. She had many close friends. Her nursing colleagues spoke highly of her care and dedication. A detective with the Cheshire police, which led the investigation, said, “This is completely unprecedented in that there doesnt seem to be anything to say” about why Letby would kill babies. “There isnt really anything we have found in her background thats anything other than normal.”
The judge in her case, James Goss, acknowledged that Letby appeared to have been a “very conscientious, hard working, knowledgeable, confident and professional nurse.” But he also said that she had embarked on a “calculated and cynical campaign of child murder,” and he sentenced her to life, making her only the fourth woman in U.K. history condemned to die in prison. Although her punishment cant be increased, she will face a second trial, this June, on an attempted-murder charge for which the jury could not reach a verdict.
Letby had worked on a struggling neonatal unit at the Countess of Chester Hospital, run by the National Health Service, in the West of England, near Wales. The case centered on a cluster of seven deaths, between June, 2015, and June, 2016. All but one of the babies were premature; three of them weighed less than three pounds. No one ever saw Letby harming a child, and the coroner did not find foul play in any of the deaths. (Since her arrest, Letby has not made any public comments, and a court order has prohibited most reporting on her case. To describe her experiences, I drew from more than seven thousand pages of court transcripts, which included police interviews and text messages, and from internal hospital records that were leaked to me.)
The case against her gathered force on the basis of a single diagram shared by the police, which circulated widely in the media. On the vertical axis were twenty-four “suspicious events,” which included the deaths of the seven newborns and seventeen other instances of babies suddenly deteriorating. On the horizontal axis were the names of thirty-eight nurses who had worked on the unit during that time, with Xs next to each suspicious event that occurred when they were on shift. Letby was the only nurse with an uninterrupted line of Xs below her name. She was the “one common denominator,” the “constant malevolent presence when things took a turn for the worse,” one of the prosecutors, Nick Johnson, told the jury in his opening statement. “If you look at the table overall the picture is, we suggest, self-evidently obvious. Its a process of elimination.”
But the chart didnt account for any other factors influencing the mortality rate on the unit. Letby had become the countrys most reviled woman—“the unexpected face of evil,” as the British magazine *Prospect* put it—largely because of that unbroken line. It gave an impression of mathematical clarity and coherence, distracting from another possibility: that there had never been any crimes at all.
Since Letby was a teen-ager, she had wanted to be a nurse. “Shed had a difficult birth herself, and she was very grateful for being alive to the nurses that would have helped save her life,” her friend Dawn Howe told the BBC. An only child, Letby grew up in Hereford, a city north of Bristol. In high school, she had a group of close friends who called themselves the “miss-match family”: they were dorky and liked to play games such as Cranium and Twister. Howe described Letby as the “most kind, gentle, soft friend.” Another friend said that she was “joyful and peaceful.”
Letby was the first person in her family to go to college. She got a nursing degree from the University of Chester, in 2011, and began working on the neonatal unit at the Countess of Chester Hospital, where she had trained as a student nurse. Chester was a hundred miles from Hereford, and her parents didnt like her being so far away. “I feel very guilty for staying here sometimes but its what I want,” she told a colleague in a text message. She described the nursing team at the Countess as “like a little family.” She spent her free time with other nurses from the unit, often appearing in pictures on Facebook in flowery outfits and lip gloss, with sparkling wine in her hand and a guileless smile. She had straight blond hair, the color washing out as she aged, and she was unassumingly pretty.
The unit for newborns was built in 1974, and it was outdated and cramped. In 2012, the Countess launched a campaign to raise money to build a new one, a process that ended up taking nine years. “Neonatal intensive care has improved in recent years but requires more equipment which we have very little space for,” Stephen Brearey, the head of the unit, told the Chester *Standard*. “The risks of infection for the babies is greater, the closer they are to each other.” There were also problems with the drainage system: the pipes in both the neonatal ward and the maternity ward often leaked or were blocked, and sewage occasionally backed up into the toilets and sinks.
The staff were also overtaxed. Seven senior pediatricians, called consultants, did rounds on the unit, but only one was a neonatologist—a specialist in the care of newborns. An inquest for a newborn who died in 2014, a year before the deaths for which Letby was charged, found that doctors had inserted a breathing tube into the babys esophagus rather than his trachea, ignoring several indications that the tube was misplaced. “I find it surprising these signs were not realised,” the coroner said, according to the *Daily Express*. The boys mother told the paper that “staff shortages meant blood tests and X-rays were not assessed for seven hours and there was one doctor on duty who was splitting his time between the neonatal ward and the childrens ward.”
The N.H.S. has a totemic status in the British psyche—its the “closest thing the English have to a religion,” as one politician has put it. One of the last remnants of the postwar social contract, it inspires loyalty and awe even as it has increasingly broken down, partly as a result of years of underfunding. In 2015, the infant-mortality rate in England and Wales rose for the first time in a century. A survey found that two-thirds of the countrys neonatal units did not have enough medical and nursing staff. That year, the Countess treated more babies than it had in previous years, and they had, on average, lower birth weights and more complex medical needs. Letby, who lived in staff housing on the hospital grounds, was twenty-five years old and had just finished a six-month course to become qualified in neonatal intensive care. She was one of only two junior nurses on the unit with that training. “We had massive staffing issues, where people were coming in and doing extra shifts,” a senior nurse on the unit said. “It was mainly Lucy that did a lot.” She was young, single, and saving to buy a house. That year, when a friend suggested that she take some time off, Letby texted her, “Work is always my priority.”
In June, 2015, three babies died at the Countess. First, a woman with antiphospholipid syndrome, a rare disorder that can cause blood clotting, was admitted to the hospital. She was thirty-one weeks pregnant with twins, and had planned to give birth in London, so that a specialist could monitor her and the babies, but her blood pressure had quickly risen, and she had to have an emergency C-section at the Countess. The next day, Letby was asked to cover a colleagues night shift. She was assigned one of the twins, a boy, who has been called Child A. (The court order forbade identifying the children, their parents, and some nurses and doctors.) A nursing note from the day shift said that the baby had had “no fluids running for a couple of hours,” because his umbilical catheter, a tube that delivers fluids through the abdomen, had twice been placed in the wrong position, and “doctors busy.” A junior doctor eventually put in a longline, a thin tube threaded through a vein, and Letby and another nurse gave the child fluid. Twenty minutes later, Letby and a third nurse, a few feet away, noticed that his oxygen levels were dropping and that his skin was mottled. The doctor who had inserted the longline worried that he had placed it too close to the childs heart, and he immediately took it out. But, less than ninety minutes after Letby started her shift, the baby was dead. “It was awful,” she wrote to a colleague afterward. “He died very suddenly and unexpectedly just after handover.”
A pathologist observed that the baby had “crossed pulmonary arteries,” a structural anomaly, and there was also a “strong temporal relationship” between the insertion of the longline and the collapse. The pathologist described the cause of death as “unascertained.”
Letby was on duty again the night after Child As death. At around midnight, she helped the nurse who had been assigned to the surviving twin, a girl, set up her I.V. bag. About twenty-five minutes later, the babys skin became purple and blotchy, and her heart rate dropped. She was resuscitated and recovered. Brearey, the units leader, told me that at the time he wondered if the twins had been more vulnerable because of the mothers disorder; antibodies for it can pass through the placenta.
The next day, a mother who had been diagnosed as having a dangerous placenta condition gave birth to a baby boy who weighed one pound, twelve ounces, which was on the edge of the weight threshold that the unit was certified to treat. Within four days, the baby developed acute pneumonia. Letby was not working in the intensive-care nursery, where the baby was treated, but after the childs oxygen alarm went off she came into the room to help. Yet the staff on the unit couldnt save the baby. A pathologist determined that he had died of natural causes.
Several days later, a woman came to the hospital after her water broke. She was sent home and told to wait. More than twenty-four hours later, she noticed that the baby was making fewer movements inside her. “I was concerned for infection because I hadnt been given any antibiotics,” she said later. She returned to the hospital, but she still wasnt given antibiotics. She felt “forgotten by the staff, really,” she said. Sixty hours after her water broke, she had a C-section. The baby, a girl who was dusky and limp when she was born, should have been treated with antibiotics immediately, doctors later acknowledged, but nearly four hours passed before she was given the medication. The next night, the babys oxygen alarm went off. “Called Staff Nurse Letby to help,” a nurse wrote. The baby continued to deteriorate throughout the night and could not be revived. A pathologist found pneumonia in the babys lungs and wrote that the infection was likely present at birth.
“We lost \[her\],” Letby texted a close friend Ill call Margaret, a shift leader on the unit. Margaret had mentored Letby when she was a student training on the ward.
“What!!!!! But she was improving,” Margaret replied. “What happened? Wanna chat? I cant believe you were on again. Youre having such a tough time.”
Letby told Margaret that the circumstances of the death might be investigated.
“What, the delay in treatment?”
“Just overall,” she said. “And reviewing what antibiotics she was on, etc., if it is sepsis.” Letby wrote that she was still in shock. “Feel a bit numb.”
“Oh hun, you need a break,” Margaret said. Reflecting on the first of the three deaths, Margaret told her that the babys parents would always grieve the loss of their child but that, because of the way Letby had cared for him, theyd hopefully have no regrets about the time they spent with their son. “Just trying to help you take the positives you deserve from tough times,” Margaret wrote. “Always here. Speak later. Sleep well xxx.”
A few days later, Letby couldnt stop crying. “Its all hit me,” she texted another friend from the unit. She wrote that two of the deaths seemed comprehensible (one was “tiny, obviously compromised in utero,” and the other seemed septic, she wrote), but “its \[Child A\] I cant get my head around.”
The senior pediatricians met to review the deaths, to see if there were any patterns or mistakes. “One of the problems with neonatal deaths is that preterm babies can die suddenly and you dont always get the answer immediately,” Brearey told me. A study of about a thousand infant deaths in southeast London, published in *The Journal of Maternal-Fetal & Neonatal Medicine*, found that the cause of mortality was unexplained for about half the newborns who had died unexpectedly, even after an autopsy. Brearey observed that Letby was involved in each of the deaths at the Countess, but “it didnt sound to me like the odds were that extreme of having a nurse present for three of those cases,” he said. “Nobody had any concerns about her practice.”
The head of the pediatrics department, Ravi Jayaram, told me, “There was an element of Thank God Lucy was on, because shes really good in a crisis.” He described Letby as “very popular” among the nurses. To make sense of the events, Jayaram said, “you sort of think, Well, maybe the baby wasnt as stable as we thought, and maybe that longline was in just a bit far, and it got into the heart and caused a heart-rhythm problem. You try and make things fit, because we like to have an explanation—for us and for the parents—and its much harder to say, Im sorry. I dont know what went on.’ ”
Four months later, another baby died. She had been born at twenty-seven weeks, just past the age that the unit treated. At one point, she was transferred to another hospital, called Arrowe Park, for more specialized care—she had an infection and a small bleed in her brain—but after two nights she returned to the Countess, where her condition deteriorated. Brearey told me, “Senior nursing staff were blaming the neonatal unit that sent back the baby, saying that they hadnt been entirely honest, that they were just trying to clear a space.” The babys mother worried that the staff at the Countess were too busy to pay proper attention to her daughter. She recalled that a nurse named Nicky was “sneezing and coughing whilst putting her hands in \[the babys\] incubator.” She added, “To top it off, whilst Nicky was in the room, the doctor, who was seeing another baby, asked Nicky if she was full of a cold, to which she said, Yeah, Ive been full of it for days. So even the doctors were aware and didnt do anything.” In a survey the next year of more than a thousand staff members at the Countess, about two-thirds said that they had felt pressure to come to work even when they were ill. (None of the hospitals mentioned in this piece would comment, citing the court order.)
The staff tried to send the girl to a specialized unit at a different hospital, but, while they were waiting to confirm the transfer, she began struggling to breathe. Her designated nurse was not yet trained in intensive care, and she shouted for help. Letby, who had been assigned to a different baby, came into the room, followed by two doctors, but the baby continued to decline and could not be revived.
A doctor later saw Letby crying with another nurse. “It was very much on the gist of Its always me when it happens, my babies,’ ” the doctor said, adding that this seemed like a normal reaction. Letby texted Margaret that she had spoken with the neonatal-unit manager, Eirian Powell, who had encouraged her to “be confident in my role without feeling the need to prove myself, which I have felt recently.”
Three of the nurses on the ward attended the babys funeral, and Letby gave them a card addressed to the childs parents. “It was a real privilege to care for \[her\] and to get to know you as a family, a family who always put \[her\] first and did everything possible for her,” she wrote. “She will always be a part of your lives and we will never forget her. Thinking of you today and always.”
Jayaram, who was on duty during the girls death, discussed the events with Brearey and another pediatrician. “ You know whats funny?’ ” he said that he told them. “ It was Lucy Letby who was on. And we all looked at each other and said, You know, its always Lucy, isnt it?’ ”
They shared their concerns about the correlation with senior management, and Powell conducted an informal review. “I have devised a document to reflect the information clearly and it is unfortunate she was on,” she wrote to Brearey. “However each cause of death was different.”
The next month, Letby, who was in a salsa group, got out of class and saw three missed calls: the nurses on the unit had called her because they didnt know how to give a baby intravenous immunoglobulin treatment. “Just cant believe that some people were in a position when they dont know how to give something, what equipment to use and not being supported by manager,” Letby texted her best friend, a nurse Ill call Cheryl. “Staffing really needs looking at.” She described the unit as “chaos” and a “madhouse.”
One of the senior pediatricians, Alison Timmis, was similarly distressed. She e-mailed the hospitals chief executive, Tony Chambers, to complain that staff on the unit were “chronically overworked” and “no one is listening.” She wrote, “Over the past few weeks I have seen several medical and nursing colleagues in tears.” Doctors were working shifts that ran more than twenty hours, she explained, and the unit was so busy that “at several points we ran out of vital equipment such as incubators.” At another point, a midwife had to assist with a resuscitation, because there werent enough trained nurses. “This is now our normal working pattern and it is not safe,” Timmis wrote. “Things are stretched thinner and thinner and are at breaking point. When things snap, the casualties will either be childrens lives or the mental and physical health of our staff.”
At the end of January, 2016, the senior pediatricians met with a neonatologist at a nearby hospital, to review the wards mortality data. In 2013 and 2014, the unit had had two and three deaths, respectively. In 2015, there had been eight. At the meeting, “there were a few learning points, nothing particularly exciting,” Brearey recalled. Near the end, he asked the neonatologist what he thought about the fact that Letby was present for each death. “I cant remember him suggesting anything, really,” Brearey said.
But Jayaram and Brearey were increasingly troubled by the link. “It was like staring at a Magic Eye picture,” Jayaram told me. “At first, its just a load of dots,” and the dots are incoherent. “But you stare at them, and all of a sudden the picture appears. And then, once you can see that picture, you see it every time you look, and you think, How the hell did I miss that?” By the spring of 2016, he said, he could not “unsee it.”
Many of the deaths had occurred at night, so Powell, the unit manager, shifted Letby primarily to day shifts, because there would be “more people about to be able to support her,” she said.
In June, 2016, three months after the change, Cheryl texted Letby before a shift, “I wouldnt come in!”
“Oh, why?” Letby responded.
“Five admissions, 1 vent.”
“OMG,” Letby responded.
Cheryl added that a premature boy with hemophilia looked “like shit.” His oxygen levels had dropped during the night. Letby took over his care that morning, and doctors tried to intubate him, but they were unable to insert the tube, so they called two anesthesiologists, who couldnt do it, either. The hospital didnt have any factor VIII, an essential medicine for hemophiliacs. Finally, they asked a team from Alder Hey Childrens Hospital, which was thirty miles away, to come to the hospital with factor VIII. A doctor from Alder Hey intubated the child on the first try. “Sat having a quiet moment and want to cry,” Letby wrote to a junior doctor, whom Ill call Taylor, who had become a close friend. “Just feel like Ive been running around all day and not really achieved anything positive for him.”
A week later, a mother gave birth to identical triplet boys, born at thirty-three weeks. When she was pregnant, the mother said, she had been told that each baby would have his own nurse, but Letby, who had just returned from a short trip to Spain with friends, was assigned two of the triplets, as well as a third baby from a different family. She was also training a student nurse who was “glued to me,” she complained to Taylor. Seven hours into Letbys shift, one of the triplets oxygen levels dropped precipitously, and he developed a rash on his chest. Letby called for help. After two rounds of CPR, the baby died.
The next day, Letby was the designated nurse for the two surviving triplets. The abdomen of one of them appeared distended, a possible sign of infection. When she told Taylor, he messaged her, “I wonder if theyve all been exposed to a bug that benzylpenicillin and gentamicin didnt account for? Are you okay?”
“Im okay, just dont want to be here really,” Letby replied. The student nurse was still with her, and Letby told Taylor, “I dont feel Im in the frame of mind to support her properly.”
A doctor came to check on the triplet with the distended abdomen, and, while he was in the room, the childs oxygen levels dropped. The baby was put on a ventilator, and the hospital asked for a transport team to take him to Liverpool Womens Hospital. As they were waiting, it was discovered that the baby had a collapsed lung, possibly a result of pressure from the ventilation, which was set unusually high. “There was an increasing sense of anxiety on the unit,” Letby said later. “Nobody seemed to know what was happening and very much just wanted the transport team to come and offer their expertise.” The triplets mother said that she was alarmed when she saw a doctor sitting at a computer “Googling how to do what looked like a relatively simple medical procedure: inserting a line into the chest.” She was also upset that one of the doctors who was resuscitating her son was “coughing and spluttering into her hands” without washing them. Shortly after the transport team arrived, the second triplet died. His mother recalled that Letby was “in pieces and almost as upset as we were.”
While dressing the baby for his parents—a standard part of helping grieving families—Letby accidentally pricked her finger with a needle. She hadnt eaten or taken a break all day, and as she was waiting to get her finger checked she fainted. “The overall enormity of the last two days had sort of taken its toll,” she said. “To imagine what those parents had gone through to lose two of their babies, it was harrowing.”
The surviving triplet was taken to Liverpool Womens Hospital, and his mother felt that the clinical staff there were more competent and organized. “The two hospitals were as different as night and day,” she said.
That night, Brearey called Karen Rees, the head of nursing for urgent care, and said that he did not want Letby returning until there was an investigation. The babies deaths seemed to be following Letby from night to day. Rees discussed the issue with Powell, and she said that Powell told her, “Lucy Letby does everything by the book. She follows policy and procedure to the letter.” Rees allowed Letby to keep working. “Just because a senior healthcare professional requests the removal of a nurse—there has to be sound reason,” Rees said later.
The next day, Letby was assigned a baby boy, known as Child Q, who had a bowel infection. At one point, he was sent to Alder Hey, but he was transferred back within two days. Taylor texted Letby that Alder Hey was “so short of beds that they can only accommodate emergency patients. Its not good holistic care, and its rubbish for his parents.”
Letby was also taking care of another newborn in a different room, and, while she was checking on that baby, Child Q vomited and his oxygen levels dropped. After he stabilized, John Gibbs, a senior pediatrician, asked another nurse which staff members had been present during the episode.
“Do I need to be worried about what Dr Gibbs was asking?” Letby texted Taylor after her shift.
“No,” he reassured her. “You cant be with two babies in different nurseries at the same time, let alone predict when theyre going to crash.”
“I know, and I didnt leave him on his own. They both knew I was leaving the room,” she said, referring to a nurse inside the room and one just outside.
“Nobody has accused you of neglecting a baby or causing a deterioration,” he said.
“I know. Just worry I havent done enough.”
“How?” he asked.
“Weve lost two babies I was caring for and now this happened today. Makes you think am I missing something/good enough,” she said.
“Lucy, if anyone knows how hard youve worked over the last 3 days its me,” he wrote. “If anybody says anything to you about not being good enough or performing adequately I want you to promise me that youll give my details to provide a statement.”
“Well I sincerely hope I wont ever be needing a statement,” she said. “But thank you. I promise.”
Letby was supposed to work the next night, but at the last minute Powell called and told her not to come in. “Im worried Im in trouble or something,” Letby wrote to Cheryl.
“How can you be in trouble?” Cheryl replied. “You havent done anything wrong.”
“I know but worrying in case they think I missed something or whatever,” Letby said. “Why leave it until now to ring?”
“Its very late, I agree,” Cheryl said. “Maybe shes getting pressure from elsewhere.”
“She was nice enough, I just worry,” Letby responded. “This job messes with your head.”
Letby worked three more day shifts and then had a two-week vacation. Brearey, Jayaram, and a few other pediatric consultants met to discuss the unexpected deaths. “We were trying to rack our brains,” Brearey said. A postmortem X-ray of one of the babies had shown gas near the skull, a finding that the pathologist did not consider particularly meaningful, since gas is often present after death. Jayaram remembered learning in medical school about air embolisms—a rare, potentially catastrophic complication that can occur when air bubbles enter a persons veins or arteries, blocking blood supply. That night, he searched for literature about the phenomenon. He did not see any cases of murder by air embolism, but he forwarded his colleagues a four-page paper, from 1989, in the *Archives of Disease in Childhood*, about accidental air embolism. The authors of the paper could find only fifty-three cases in the world. All but four of the infants had died immediately. In five cases, their skin became discolored. “I remember the physical chill that went down my spine,” Jayaram said. “It fitted with what we were seeing.”
Jayaram and another pediatrician met with the hospitals executive board, as well as with the medical and nursing directors, and said that they were not comfortable working with Letby. They suggested calling the police. Jayaram said that the board members asked them, “ Whats the evidence? And we said, We havent got evidence, but weve got concerns.’ ” To relieve the general burden on the unit, the directors and the board decided to downgrade the ward from Level II to Level I: it would no longer provide intensive care, and women delivering before thirty-two weeks would now go to a different hospital. The board also agreed to commission a review by the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, to explore what factors might explain the rise in mortality.
After Letby returned from vacation, she was called in for a meeting. The deputy director of nursing told her that she was the common element in the cluster of deaths, and that her clinical competence would need to be reassessed. “She was distraught,” Powell, the unit manager, who was also at the meeting, said. “We were both quite upset.” They walked straight from the meeting to human resources. “We were trying to get Lucy back on the unit, so we had to try and prove that the competency issue wasnt the problem,” Powell said.
But Letby never returned to clinical duties. She was eventually moved to an administrative role in the hospitals risk-and-safety office. Jayaram described the office as “almost an island of lost souls. If there was a nurse who wasnt very good clinically, or a manager who they wanted to get out of the way, theyd move them to the risk-and-safety office.”
After shed been away from clinical duties for more than a month, Letby texted Cheryl that shed spoken with her union representative, who had advised her not to communicate with other staff, since they might be involved in reviewing her competence. “Feel a bit like Im being shoved in a corner and forgotten about,” she wrote. “Its my life and career.”
“I know its all so ridiculous,” Cheryl said.
“I cant see where it will all end.”
“Im sure this time after Christmas itll all be a distant memory,” Cheryl reassured her.
In September, 2016, Letby filed a grievance, saying that shed been removed from her job without a clear explanation. “My whole world was stopped,” she said later. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and began taking medication. “From a self-confidence point of view it completely—well, it made me question everything about myself,” she said. “I just felt like Id let everybody down, that Id let myself down, that people were changing their opinion of me.”
That month, a team from the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health spent two days interviewing people at the Countess. They found that nursing- and medical-staffing levels were inadequate. They also noted that the increased mortality rate in 2015 was not restricted to the neonatal unit. Stillbirths on the maternity ward were elevated, too.
A redacted portion of the report, which was shared with me, described how staff on the unit were “very upset” that Letby had been removed from clinical duties. The Royal College team interviewed Letby and described her as “an enthusiastic, capable and committed nurse” who was “passionate about her career and keen to progress.” The redacted section concluded that the senior pediatricians had made allegations based on “simple correlation” and “gut feeling,” and that they had a “subjective view with no other evidence.” The Royal College could find no obvious factors linking the deaths; the report noted that the circumstances on the unit were “not materially different from those which might be found in many other neonatal units within the UK.” In a public statement, the hospital acknowledged that the review had revealed problems with “staffing, competencies, leadership, team working and culture.”
In November, Jayaram was interviewed by an administrator investigating Letbys grievance. There had been reports of pediatricians referring to an “angel of death” on the ward, and the interview focussed on whether Jayaram had made his suspicions publicly known.
“Did you hear any suggestion that Lucy had been deliberately harming babies?” the administrator asked Jayaram, according to minutes of the interview.
“No objective evidence to suggest this at all,” Jayaram responded. “The only association was Lucys presence on the unit at the time.”
“So to clarify, was there any suggestion from any of the consultant team that Lucy had been deliberately harming babies?”
“We discussed a lot of possibilities in private,” he responded.
“So thats not a yes or no?”
“We discussed a lot of possibilities in private,” Jayaram repeated.
The hospital upheld Letbys grievance. At a board meeting in January, 2017, Chambers, the chief executive, who was formerly a nurse, told the members, “We are seeking an apology from the consultants for their behavior.” He wanted Letby back on the unit as soon as possible. In a letter to the consultants, Chambers expressed concern about their susceptibility to “confirmation bias,” which he defined as a “tendency to search for, interpret, favour, and recall information in a way that confirms ones preexisting beliefs or hypotheses.” (Chambers said that he could not comment, because of the court order.)
Jayaram agreed to meet with Letby for a mediation session in March, 2017. A lithe, handsome man with tight black curls, Jayaram appeared frequently on TV as a medical expert, on subjects ranging from hospital staffing to heart problems. When the cluster of deaths began, he was on the reality series “Born Naughty?,” in which he met eight children who had been captured on hidden cameras behaving unusually and then came up with diagnoses for them. Letby had prepared a statement for the meeting, and she read it aloud. “She said, Ive got evidence from my grievance process that you and Steve Brearey orchestrated a campaign to have me removed,’ ” Jayaram recalled. “ Ive got evidence that you were heard in the queue to the café accusing me of murdering babies.’ ” (Jayaram told me, “Now, Ive got a big mouth, but I wouldnt stand in a public place doing that.”) Letby asked if he would be willing to work with her. He felt obligated to say yes. “I came away from that meeting really angry, but I was not angry at her,” he said. “I was angry at the system.”
Jayaram and Brearey felt that they were being silenced by a hospital trying to protect its reputation. When I spoke with Brearey, he had recently watched a documentary about the explosion of the Challenger space shuttle, and he described the plight of an engineer who had tried to warn his superiors that the shuttle had potentially dangerous flaws. Brearey saw his own experiences in a similar light. He and Jayaram had spent months writing e-mails to the hospitals management trying to justify why they wanted Letby out of the unit. They wrote with the confidence of people who feel that they are on the right side of history.
Serial-killer health professionals are extraordinarily rare, but they are also a kind of media phenomenon—a small universe of movies and shows has dramatized the scenario. In northwest England, this genre of crime has not been strictly limited to entertainment. Harold Shipman, one of the most prolific serial killers in the world, worked forty miles from Chester, as a physician for the N.H.S. He is thought to have murdered about two hundred and fifty patients in the span of three decades, injecting many of them with lethal doses of a painkiller, before he was convicted, in 2000. The chair of a government inquiry into Shipmans crimes said that investigators should now be trained to “think dirty” about causes of death.
In April, 2017, with the permission of the Countesss leadership, Jayaram and another pediatrician met with a detective from the Cheshire police and shared their concerns. “Within ten minutes of us telling the story, the superintendent said, Well, we have to investigate this,’ ” Jayaram said. “ Its a no-brainer.’ ”
In May, the police launched what they called Operation Hummingbird. A detective later said that Brearey and Jayaram provided the “golden thread of our investigation.”
That month, Dewi Evans, a retired pediatrician from Wales, who had been the clinical director of the neonatal and childrens department at his hospital, saw a newspaper article describing, in vague terms, a criminal investigation into the spike in deaths at the Countess. “If the Chester police had no-one in mind Id be interested to help,” he wrote in an e-mail to the National Crime Agency, which helps connect law enforcement with scientific experts. “Sounds like my kind of case.”
That summer, Evans, who was sixty-seven and had worked as a paid court expert for more than twenty-five years, drove three and a half hours to Cheshire, to meet with the police. After reviewing records that the police gave him, he wrote a report proposing that Child As death was “consistent with his receiving either a noxious substance such as potassium chloride or more probably that he suffered his collapse as a result of an air embolus.” Later, when it became clear that there was no basis for suspecting a noxious chemical, Evans concluded that the cause of death was air embolism. “These are cases where your diagnosis is made by ruling out other factors,” he said.
Evans had never seen a case of air embolism himself, but there had been one at his hospital about twenty years before. An anesthetist intended to inject air into a babys stomach, but he accidentally injected it into the bloodstream. The baby immediately collapsed and died. “It was extremely traumatic and left a big scar on all of us,” Evans said. He searched for medical literature about air embolisms and came upon the same paper from 1989 that Jayaram had found. “There hasnt been a similar publication since then because this is such a rare event,” Evans told me.
Evans relied heavily on the paper in other reports that he wrote about the Countess deaths, many of which he attributed to air embolism. Other babies, he said, had been harmed through another method: the intentional injection of too much air or fluid, or both, into their nasogastric tubes. “This naturally blows up the stomach,” he wrote to me. The stomach becomes so large, he said, that the lungs cant inflate normally, and the baby cant get enough oxygen. When I asked him if he could point me to any medical literature about this process, he responded, “There are no published papers regarding a phenomenon of this nature that I know of.” (Several doctors I interviewed were baffled by this proposed method of murder and struggled to understand how it could be physiologically or logistically possible.)
Nearly a year after Operation Hummingbird began, a new method of harm was added to the list. In the last paragraph of a babys discharge letter, Brearey, who had been helping the police by reviewing clinical records, noticed a mention of an abnormally high level of insulin. When insulin is produced naturally by the body, the level of C-peptide, a substance secreted by the pancreas, should also be high, but in this baby the C-peptide was undetectable, which suggested that insulin may have been administered to the child. The insulin test had been done at a Royal Liverpool University Hospital lab, and a biochemist there had called the Countess to recommend that the sample be verified by a more specialized lab. Guidelines on the Web site for the Royal Liverpool lab explicitly warn that its insulin test is “not suitable for the investigation” of whether synthetic insulin has been administered. Alan Wayne Jones, a forensic toxicologist at Linköping University, in Sweden, who has written about the use of insulin as a means of murder, told me that the test used at the Royal Liverpool lab is “not sufficient for use as evidence in a criminal prosecution.” He said, “Insulin is not an easy substance to analyze, and you would need to analyze this at a forensic laboratory, where the routines are much more stringent regarding chain of custody, using modern forensic technology.” But the Countess never ordered a second test, because the child had already recovered.
Brearey also discovered that, eight months later, a biochemist at the lab had flagged a high level of insulin in the blood sample of another infant. The child had been discharged, and this blood sample was never retested, either. According to Joseph Wolfsdorf, a professor at Harvard Medical School who specializes in pediatric hypoglycemia, the babys C-peptide level suggested the possibility of a testing irregularity, because, if insulin had been administered, the childs C-peptide level should have been extremely low or undetectable, but it wasnt.
The police consulted with an endocrinologist, who said that the babies theoretically could have received insulin through their I.V. bags. Evans said that, with the insulin cases, “at last one could find some kind of smoking gun.” But there was a problem: the blood sample for the first baby had been taken ten hours after Letby had left the hospital; any insulin delivered by her would no longer be detectable, especially since the tube for the first I.V. bag had fallen out of place, which meant that the baby had to be given a new one. To connect Letby to the insulin, one would have to believe that she had managed to inject insulin into a bag that a different nurse had randomly chosen from the units refrigerator. If Letby had been successful at causing immediate death by air embolism, it seems odd that she would try this much less effective method.
In July, 2018, five months after the insulin discovery, a Cheshire police detective knocked on Letbys door. Two years earlier, she had bought a home a mile from the hospital. A small birdhouse hung beside the entrance. It was 6 *a*.*m*., but she opened the door with a friendly expression. “Can I step in for two seconds?” the officer asked her, after showing his badge.
“Uh, yes,” she said, looking terrified.
Inside, she was told that she was under arrest for multiple counts of murder and attempted murder. She emerged from the house handcuffed, her face appearing almost gray.
The police spent the day searching her house. Inside, they found a note with the heading “NOT GOOD ENOUGH.” There were several phrases scrawled across the page at random angles and without punctuation: “There are no words”; “I cant breathe”; “Slander Discrimination”; “Ill never have children or marry Ill never know what its like to have a family”; “WHY ME?”; “I havent done anything wrong”; “I killed them on purpose because Im not good enough to care for them”; “I AM EVIL I DID THIS.”
On another scrap of paper, she had written, three times, “Everything is manageable,” a phrase that a colleague had said to her. At the bottom of the page, she had written, “I just want life to be as it was. I want to be happy in the job that I loved with a team who I felt a part of. Really, I dont belong anywhere. Im a problem to those who do know me.” On another piece of paper, found in her handbag, she had written, “I cant do this any more. I want someone to help me but they cant.” She also wrote, “We tried our best and it wasnt enough.”
After spending all day in jail, Letby was asked why she had written the “not good enough” note. A police video shows her in the interrogation room with her hands in her lap, her shoulders hunched forward. She spoke quietly and deferentially, like a student facing an unexpectedly harsh exam. “It was just a way of me getting my feelings out onto paper,” she said. “It just helps me process.”
“In your own mind, had you done anything wrong at all?” an officer asked.
“No, not intentionally, but I was worried that they would find that my practice hadnt been good,” she said, adding, “I thought maybe I had missed something, maybe I hadnt acted quickly enough.”
“Give us an example.”
She proposed that perhaps she “hadnt played my role in the team. Id been on a lot of night shifts when doctors arent around. We have to call them. There are less people, and it just worried me that I hadnt called them—quick enough.” She also worried that she might have given the wrong dose of a medication or used equipment improperly.
“And you felt evil?”
“Other people would perceive me as being evil, yes, if I had missed something.” She went on, “Its how this situation made me feel.”
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a23911)
“I hate it when they put kittens in the impulse-buying section.”
Cartoon by P. C. Vey
The detective said, “You put down there, Lucy, that you killed them on purpose.’ ”
“I didnt kill them on purpose.”
The detective asked, “So wheres this pressure thats led to having these feelings come from?”
“I think it was just the panic of being redeployed and everything that happened,” she said. She had written the notes after she was removed from clinical duties, but later her clinical skills were reassessed and no concerns were raised, so she felt more secure about her abilities. She was “very career-focussed,” she said, and “it just all overwhelmed me at the time. It was hard to see how anything was ever going to be O.K. again.”
In an interview two days later, an officer asked why one of her notes had the word “hate” in bold letters, circled. “Whats the significance of that?”
“That I hate myself for having let everybody down and for not being good enough,” she said. “Id just been removed from the job I loved, I was told that there might be issues with my practice, I wasnt allowed to speak to people.”
The officer asked again why she had written, “I killed them on purpose.”
“Thats how I was being made to feel,” she said. As her mental health deteriorated, her thoughts had spiralled. “If my practice hadnt been good enough and I was linked with these deaths, then it was my fault,” she said.
“Youre being very hard on yourself there if you havent done anything wrong.”
“Well, I am very hard on myself,” she said.
After more than nine hours of interviews, Letby was released on bail, without being charged. She moved back to Hereford, to live with her parents. News of her arrest was published in papers throughout the U.K. “All I can say is my experience is that she was a great nurse,” a mother whose baby was treated at the Countess told the *Times* of London. Another mother told the *Guardian* that Letby had advocated for her and had told her “every step of the way what was happening.” She said, “I cant say anything negative about her.” The *Guardian* also interviewed a mother who described the experience of giving birth at the Countess. “They had no staff and the care was just terrible,” she said. Shed developed “an infection which was due to negligence by a member of staff,” she explained. “We made a complaint at the time but it was brushed under the carpet.”
One of Letbys childhood friends, who did not want me to use her name because her loyalty to Letby has already caused her social and professional problems, told me that she asked the Cheshire police if she could serve as a character reference for Letby. “They werent interested at all,” she said. Letby seemed to be in a state of “terror and complete confusion,” the friend said. “I could tell from how she was acting that she just didnt know what to say about it, because it was such an alien concept to be accused of these things.”
Shortly after Letbys arrest, the pediatric consultants arranged a meeting for the hospitals medical staff, to broach the possibility of a vote of no confidence in Chambers, the hospitals chief executive, because of the way hed handled their concerns. Chambers resigned before the meeting. A doctor named Susan Gilby, who took the side of the consultants, assumed his role. Gilby told me that the first time she met with Jayaram it was clear that he was suffering from the experience of not being believed by the hospitals management. “He was in tears, and bear in mind this is a mature, experienced clinician,” she said. “He described having issues with sleeping, and he felt he couldnt trust anyone. It was really distressing.” She was surprised that Ian Harvey, the hospitals medical director, still doubted the consultants theory of how the babies had died. Harvey seemed more troubled by their behavior, she said, than by anything Letby had done. “In his mind, the issue seemed to be that they werent as good as they thought they were,” Gilby told me. “It was They think theyre marvellous, but they need to look at themselves.’ ” (Harvey would not comment, citing the court order.)
The week of Letbys arrest, the police dug up her back garden and examined drains and vents, presumably to see if she had hidden anything incriminating. Four months later, while she remained out on bail without charges, the Chester *Standard* wrote, “The situation has caused many people to question both the ethics and legality of keeping someone linked to such serious allegations when seemingly there is not enough evidence to bring charges.” Letby was arrested a second time, in 2019, but, after being interviewed for another nine hours, she was released.
In November, 2020, more than two years after Letbys first arrest, an officer called Gilby to inform her that Letby was being charged with eight counts of murder and ten counts of attempted murder. (Later, one of the murder counts was dropped, and five attempted-murder charges were added.) She was arrested again, and this time she was denied bail. She would await trial in prison. As a courtesy, Gilby called Chambers to let him know. She was taken aback when Chambers expressed concern for Letby. She said that he told her, “Im just worried about a wrongful conviction.”
In September, 2022, a month before Letbys trial began, the Royal Statistical Society published a report titled “Healthcare Serial Killer or Coincidence?” The report had been prompted in part by concerns about two recent cases, one in Italy and one in the Netherlands, in which nurses had been wrongly convicted of murder largely because of a striking association between their shift patterns and the deaths on their wards. The society sent the report to both the Letby prosecution and the defense team. It detailed the dangers of drawing causal conclusions from improbable clusters of events. In the trial of the Dutch nurse, Lucia de Berk, a criminologist had calculated that there was a one-in-three-hundred-and-forty-two-million chance that the deaths were coincidental. But his methodology was faulty; when statisticians looked at the data, they found that the chances were closer to one in fifty. According to Ton Derksen, a Dutch philosopher of science who wrote a book about the case, the belief that “such a coincidence cannot be a coincidence” became the driving force in the process of collecting evidence against de Berk. She was exonerated in 2010, and her case is now considered one of the worst miscarriages of justice in Dutch history. The Italian nurse, Daniela Poggiali, was exonerated in 2021, after statisticians reanalyzed her hospitals mortality data and discovered several confounding factors that had been overlooked.
William C. Thompson, one of the authors of the Royal Statistical Society report and an emeritus professor of criminology, law, and psychology at the University of California, Irvine, told me that medical-murder cases are particularly prone to errors in statistical reasoning, because they “involve a choice between alternative theories, both of which are rather extraordinary.” He said, “One theory is that there was an unlikely coincidence. And the other theory is that someone like Lucy Letby, who was previously a fine and upstanding member of the community, suddenly decides shes going to start killing people.”
Flawed statistical reasoning was at the heart of one of the most notorious wrongful convictions in the U.K.: a lawyer named Sally Clark was found guilty of murder, in 1999, after her two sons, both babies, died suddenly and without clear explanation. One of the prosecutions main experts, a pediatrician, argued that the chances of two sudden infant deaths in one family were one in seventy-three million. But his calculations were misleading: hed treated the two deaths as independent events, ignoring the possibility that the same genetic or environmental factors had affected both boys.
In his book “[Thinking, Fast and Slow](https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.KP7SbRzcre9DpN2LWPIgYeuUQQSnHrRQrcy8gnDT93A-vvp2ViI6AUe8ujnH_YsocO3Mj0I-g799KxVF2_xkaxGG2UKbHDoO9Va_cN8B04FPFFw24WWutQzLuwdB-j2SbER4KJr93qnQqFB3G9ZYxkUAi7EIWjwgopBcrT3CEfH7E5daC1Y2DWKhocIKcIeysa4M4fYUvrBNZe2AAn72VGz2NCZ25lxox6mDz4kjkNA.-3Q_47k2ytWqaoqK698edFzkOJlixpoXEBxXu8z1rEI&dib_tag=se&hvadid=598729179038&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9073499&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=7319156310836186384&hvtargid=kwd-316358223323&hydadcr=22595_13531227&keywords=thinking-fast-slow-daniel-kahneman&qid=1716309023&sr=8-1)” (2011), Daniel Kahneman, a winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, argues that people do not have good intuitions when it comes to basic principles of statistics: “We easily think associatively, we think metaphorically, we think causally, but statistics requires thinking about many things at once,” a task that is not spontaneous or innate. We tend to assume that irregular things happen because someone intentionally caused them. “Our predilection for causal thinking exposes us to serious mistakes in evaluating the randomness of truly random events,” he writes.
Burkhard Schafer, a law professor at the University of Edinburgh who studies the intersection of law and science, said that it appeared as if the Letby prosecution had “learned the wrong lessons from previous miscarriages of justice.” Instead of making sure that its statistical figures were accurate, the prosecution seems to have ignored statistics. “Looking for a responsible human—this is what the police are good at,” Schafer told me. “What is not in the polices remit is finding a systemic problem in an organization like the National Health Service, after decades of underfunding, where you have overworked people cutting little corners with very vulnerable babies who are already in a risk category. It is much more satisfying to say there was a bad person, there was a criminal, than to deal with the outcome of government policy.”
Schafer said that he became concerned about the case when he saw the diagram of suspicious events with the line of Xs under Letbys name. He thought that it should have spanned a longer period of time and included all the deaths on the unit, not just the ones in the indictment. The diagram appeared to be a product of the “Texas sharpshooter fallacy,” a common mistake in statistical reasoning which occurs when researchers have access to a large amount of data but focus on a smaller subset that fits a hypothesis. The term comes from the fable of a marksman who fires a gun multiple times at the side of a barn. Then he draws a bulls-eye around the cluster where the most bullets landed.
For one baby, the diagram showed Letby working a night shift, but this was an error: she was working day shifts at the time, so there should not have been an X by her name. At trial, the prosecution argued that, though the baby had deteriorated overnight, the suspicious episode actually began three minutes after Letby arrived for her day shift. Nonetheless, the inaccurate diagram continued to be published, even by the Cheshire police.
Dewi Evans, the retired pediatrician, told me that he had picked which medical episodes rose to the level of “suspicious events.” When I asked what his criteria were, he said, “Unexpected, precipitous, anything that is out of the usual—something with which you are not familiar.” For one baby, the distinction between suspicious and not suspicious largely came down to how to define projectile vomiting.
Letbys defense team said that it had found at least two other incidents that seemed to meet the same criteria of suspiciousness as the twenty-four on the diagram. But they happened when Letby wasnt on duty. Evans identified events that may have been left out, too. He told me that, after Letbys first arrest, he was given another batch of medical records to review, and that he had notified the police of twenty-five more cases that he thought the police should investigate. He didnt know if Letby was present for them, and they didnt end up being on the diagram, either. If some of these twenty-seven cases had been represented, the row of Xs under Letbys name might have been much less compelling. (The Cheshire police and the prosecution did not respond to a request for comment, citing the court order.)
Among the new suspicious episodes that Evans said he flagged was another insulin case. Evans said that it had similar features as the first two: high insulin, low C-peptide. He concluded that it was a clear case of poisoning. When I asked Michael Hall, a retired neonatologist at University Hospital Southampton who worked as an expert for Letbys defense, about Evanss third insulin case, he was surprised and disturbed to learn of it. He could imagine a few reasons that it might not have been part of the trial. One is that Letby wasnt working at the time. Another is that there was an alternative explanation for the test results—but then, presumably, such an explanation could be relevant for the other two insulin cases, too. “Whichever way you look at this, that third case is of interest,” Hall told me.
Ton Derksen, in his book about Lucia de Berk, used the analogy of a train. The “locomotives” were two cases in which there had been allegations of poisoning. Another eight cases, involving children who suddenly became ill on de Berks shifts, were the “wagons,” trailing along because of a belief that all the deaths couldnt have occurred by chance.
The locomotives in the Letby prosecution were the insulin cases, which were charged as attempted murders. “The fact that there were two deliberate poisonings with insulin,” Nick Johnson, the prosecutor, said, “will help you when you are assessing whether the collapses and deaths of other children on the neonatal unit were because somebody was sabotaging them or whether these were just tragic coincidences.”
But not only were the circumstances of the poisonings speculative, the results were, too. If the aim was to kill, neither child came close to the intended consequences. The first baby recovered after a day. The second showed no symptoms and was discharged in good health.
On the first day of the trial, Letbys barrister, Benjamin Myers, told the judge that Letby was “incoherent, she cant speak properly.” She had been diagnosed as having post-traumatic stress disorder following her arrests. After two years in prison, she had recently been moved to a new facility, but she hadnt brought her medication with her. Any psychological stability shed achieved, Myers said, had been “blown away.”
Letby, who now startled easily, was assessed by psychiatrists, and it was decided that she did not have to walk from the dock to the witness box and instead could be seated there before people came into the room. The *Guardian* said that in court Letby “cut an almost pitiable figure,” her eyes darting “nervously towards any unexpected noise—a cough, a dropped pen, or when the female prison guard beside her shuffled in her seat.” Her parents attended the entire trial, sometimes accompanied by a close friend of Letbys, a nurse from the unit who had recently retired.
Press coverage of the case repeatedly emphasized Letbys note in which shed written that she was “evil” and “killed them on purpose.” Media outlets magnified the images of those words without including her explanations to the police. Much was also made of a text that shed sent about returning to work after her trip to Spain—“probably be back in with a bang lol”—and the fact that shed searched on Facebook thirty-one times for parents whose children she was later accused of harming. During the year of the deaths, she had also searched for other people 2,287 times—colleagues, dancers in her salsa classes, people she had randomly encountered. “I was always on my phone,” she later testified, explaining that she did the searches rapidly, out of “general curiosity and theyve been on my mind.” (Myers noted that her search history did not involve any references to “air embolism.”)
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27837)
Cartoon by Roz Chast
The parents of the babies had been living in limbo for almost a decade. In court, they recalled how their grief had intensified when they were told that their childrens deaths may have been deliberately caused by someone theyd trusted. “Thats what confuses me the most,” one mother said. “Lucy presented herself as kind, caring, and soft-spoken.” They had stopped believing their own instincts. They described being consumed by guilt for not protecting their children.
Several months into the trial, Myers asked Judge Goss to strike evidence given by Evans and to stop him from returning to the witness box, but the request was denied. Myers had learned that a month before, in a different case, a judge on the Court of Appeal had described a medical report written by Evans as “worthless.” “No court would have accepted a report of this quality,” the judge had concluded. “The report has the hallmarks of an exercise in working out an explanation” and “ends with tendentious and partisan expressions of opinion that are outside Dr. Evans professional competence.” The judge also wrote that Evans “either knows what his professional colleagues have concluded and disregards it or he has not taken steps to inform himself of their views. Either approach amounts to a breach of proper professional conduct.” (Evans said that he disagreed with the judgment.)
Evans had laid the medical foundation for the prosecutions case against Letby, submitting some eighty reports. There was a second pediatric expert, who provided what was called “peer review” for Evans, as well as experts in hematology, endocrinology, radiology, and pathology, and they had all been sent Evanss statements when they were invited to participate in the case. The six main prosecution experts, along with at least two defense experts who were also consulted, had all worked for the N.H.S. Evans wasnt aware if Letbys lawyers had sought opinions from outside the U.K., but he told me that, if he were them, he would have looked to North America or Australia. When I asked why, he said, “Because I would want them to look at it from a totally nonpartisan point of view.”
In the five years leading up to the trial, some of the experts opinions seemed to have collectively evolved. For one of the babies, Evans had originally written that the child had been “at great risk of unexpected collapse,” owing to his fragility, and Evans couldnt “exclude the role of infection.” The prosecutions pathologist, Andreas Marnerides, who worked at St. Thomas Hospital in London, wrote that the child had died of natural causes, most likely of pneumonia. “I have not identified any suspicious findings,” he concluded. But, three years later, Marnerides testified that, after reading more reports from the courts experts, he thought that the baby had died “with pneumonia,” not “from pneumonia.” The likely cause of death, he said, was administration of air into his stomach through a nasogastric tube. When Evans testified, he said the same thing.
“Whats the evidence?” Myers asked him.
“Baby collapsed, died,” Evans responded.
“A baby may collapse for any number of reasons,” Myers said. “Whats the evidence that supports your assertion made today that its because of air going down the NGT?”
“The baby collapsed and died.”
“Do you rely upon one image of that?” Myers asked, referring to X-rays.
“This baby collapsed and died.”
“What evidence is there that you can point to?”
Evans replied that hed ruled out all natural causes, so the only other viable explanation would be another method of murder, like air injected into one of the babys veins. “A baby collapsing and where resuscitation was unsuccessful—you know, thats consistent with my interpretation of what happened,” he said.
The trial covered questions at the edge of scientific knowledge, and the material was dense and technical. For months, in discussions of the supposed air embolisms, witnesses tried to pinpoint the precise shade of skin discoloration of some of the babies. In Myerss cross-examinations, he noted that witnesses memories of the rashes had changed, becoming more specific and florid in the years since the deaths. But this debate seemed to distract from a more relevant objection: the concern with skin discoloration arose from the 1989 paper. An author of the paper, Shoo Lee, one of the most prominent neonatologists in Canada, has since reviewed summaries of each pattern of skin discoloration in the Letby case and said that none of the rashes were characteristic of air embolism. He also said that air embolism should never be a diagnosis that a doctor lands on just because other causes of sudden collapse have been ruled out: “That would be very wrong—thats a fundamental mistake of medicine.”
Several months into the trial, Richard Gill, an emeritus professor of mathematics at Leiden University, in the Netherlands, began writing online about his concerns regarding the case. Gill was one of the authors of the Royal Statistical Society report, and in 2006 he had testified before a committee tasked with determining whether to reopen the case of Lucia de Berk. England has strict contempt-of-court laws that prevent the publication of any material that could prejudice legal proceedings. Gill posted a link to a Web site, created by Sarrita Adams, a scientific consultant in California, that detailed flaws in the prosecutions medical evidence. In July, a detective with the Cheshire police sent letters to Gill and Adams ordering them to stop writing about the case. “The publication of this material puts you at risk of serious consequences (which include a sentence of imprisonment),” the letters said. “If you come within the jurisdiction of the court, you may be liable to arrest.”
Letby is housed in a privately run prison west of London, the largest correctional facility for women in Europe. Letters to prisoners are screened, and I dont know if several letters that I sent ever reached her. One of her lawyers, Richard Thomas, who has represented her since early in the case, said that he would tell Letby that I had been in touch with him, but he ignored my request to share a message with her, instead reminding me of the contempt-of-court order. He told me, “I cannot give any comment on why you cannot communicate” with Letby. Lawyers in England can be sanctioned for making remarks that would undermine confidence in the judicial system. I sent Myers, Letbys barrister, several messages in the course of nine months, and he always responded with some version of an apology—“the brevity of this response is not intended to be rude in any way”—before saying that he could not talk to me.
Michael Hall, the defense expert, had expected to testify at the trial—he was prepared to point to flaws in the prosecutions theory of air embolism and to undetected signs of illness in the babies—but he was never called. He was troubled that the trial largely excluded evidence about the treatment of the babies mothers; their medical care is inextricably linked to the health of their babies. In the past ten years, the U.K. has had four highly publicized maternity scandals, in which failures of care and supervision led to a large number of newborn deaths. A report about East Kent Hospitals, which found that forty-five babies might have lived if their treatment had been better, identified a “crucial truth about maternity and neonatal services”: “So much hangs on what happens in the minority of cases where things start to go wrong, because problems can very rapidly escalate to a devastatingly bad outcome.” The report warned, “It is too late to pretend that this is just another one-off, isolated failure, a freak event that *will never happen again*.’ ”
Hall thought about asking Letbys lawyers why he had not been called to testify, but anything they said would be confidential, so he decided that hed rather not know. He wondered if his testimony was seen as too much of a risk: “One of the questions they would have asked me is Why did this baby die? And I would have had to say, Im not sure. I dont know. Thats not to say that therefore the baby died of air embolism. Just because we dont have an explanation doesnt mean we are going to make one up.” The fact that the jury never heard another side “keeps me awake at night,” Hall told me.
After the prosecution finished presenting its case, Letbys defense team submitted a motion arguing that the medical evidence about air embolism was so unreliable that there was “no case to answer” and the charges should be dismissed. Though the motion was rejected, perhaps it had seemed that the prosecutions case was so weak that defense experts werent necessary. The only witnesses Myers called were the hospitals plumber, who spoke about unsanitary conditions, and Letby, who testified for fourteen days.
She said she felt that there were systemic failures at the hospital, but that some of the senior pediatricians had “apportioned blame on to me.” Johnson, the prosecutor, pushed her to come up with her own explanation for each babys deterioration. Yet she wasnt qualified to provide them. “In general, I dont think a lot of the babies were cared for on the unit properly,” she offered. “Im not a medical professional to know exactly what should and shouldnt have happened with those babies.”
“Do you agree that if certain combinations of these children were attacked then unless there was more than one person attacking them, you have to be the attacker?” Johnson asked at one point.
“No.”
“You dont agree?”
“No. Ive not attacked any children.”
Johnson continued, “But if the jury conclude that a certain combination of children were actually attacked by someone, then the shift pattern gives us the answer as to who the attacker was, doesnt it?”
“No, I dont agree.”
“You dont agree. Why dont you agree?”
“Because just because I was on shift doesnt mean that I have done anything.”
“Ill use numbers, all right? I wont refer to specific cases. Lets say if baby 5, 8, 10 and 12 were all attacked, if the jury look at the medical evidence and say they were all attacked by someone, and youre the only common feature, it would have to be, wouldnt it, that youre the attacker?”
“Thats for them to decide.”
“Well, of course it is, of course it is. But as a principle, do you agree with that?”
“No, I dont feel I can answer that.”
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a26640)
“Sorry my story ended up just being me describing a TV show I watched recently.”
Cartoon by Daniel Kanhai
After a few days of cross-examination, Letby seemed to shut down; she started frequently giving one-word answers, almost whispering. “Im finding it quite hard to concentrate,” she said.
Johnson repeatedly accused her of lying. “You are a very calculating woman, arent you, Lucy Letby?” he said.
“No,” she replied.
He asked, “The reason you tell lies is to try to get sympathy from people, isnt it?”
“No.”
“You try to get attention from people, dont you?”
“No.”
“In killing these children, you got quite a lot of attention, didnt you?”
“I didnt kill the children.”
Toward the end of the trial, the court received an e-mail from someone who claimed to have overheard one of the jurors at a café saying that jurors had “already made up their minds about her case from the start.” Goss reviewed the complaint but ultimately allowed the juror to continue serving.
He instructed the twelve members of the jury that they could find Letby guilty even if they werent “sure of the precise harmful act” shed committed. In one case, for instance, Evans had proposed that a baby had died of excessive air in her stomach from her nasogastric tube, and then, when it emerged that she might not have had a nasogastric tube, he proposed that she may have been smothered.
The jury deliberated for thirteen days but could not reach a unanimous decision. In early August, one juror dropped out. A few days later, Goss told the jury that he would accept a 101 majority verdict. Ten days later, it was announced that the jury had found Letby guilty of fourteen charges. The two insulin cases and one of the triplet charges were unanimous; the rest were majority verdicts. When the first set of verdicts was read, Letby sobbed. After the second set, her mother cried out, “You cant be serious!” Letby was acquitted of two of the attempted-murder charges. There were also six attempted-murder charges in which the jury could not decide on a verdict.
Within a week, the Cheshire police announced that they had made an hour-long documentary film about the case with “exclusive access to the investigation team,” produced by its communications department. Fourteen members of Operation Hummingbird spoke about the investigation, accompanied by an emotional soundtrack. A few days later, the *Times* of London reported that a major British production company, competing against at least six studios, had won access to the police and the prosecutors to make a documentary, which potentially would be distributed by Netflix. Soon afterward, the Cheshire police revealed that they had launched an investigation into whether the Countess was guilty of “corporate manslaughter.” The police also said that they were reviewing the records of four thousand babies who had been treated on units where Letby had worked in her career, to see if she had harmed other children.
The public conversation about the case seemed to treat details about poor care on the unit as if they were irrelevant. In his closing statement, Johnson had accused the defense of “gaslighting” the jury by suggesting that the problem was the hospital, not Letby. Defending himself against the accusation, Myers told the jury, “Its important I make it plain that in no way is this case about the N.H.S. in general.” He assured the jury, “We all feel strongly about the N.H.S. and we are protective of it.” It seemed easier to accept the idea of a sadistic “angel of death” than to look squarely at the fact that families who had trusted the N.H.S. had been betrayed, their faith misplaced.
Since the verdicts, there has been almost no room for critical reflection. At the end of September, a little more than a month after the trial ended, the prosecution announced that it would retry Letby on one of the attempted-murder charges, and a new round of reporting restrictions was promptly put in place. The contempt-of-court rules are intended to preserve the integrity of the legal proceedings, but they also have the effect of suppressing commentary that questions the states decisions. In October, *The BMJ*, the countrys leading medical journal, published a comment from a retired British doctor cautioning against a “fixed view of certainty that justice has been done.” In light of the new reporting restrictions, the journal removed the comment from its Web site, “for legal reasons.” At least six other editorials and comments, which did not question Letbys guilt, remain on the site.
Letby has applied to appeal her conviction, and she is waiting for three judges on the Court of Appeal to decide whether to allow her to proceed. If her application is denied, it will mark the end of her appeals process.
Her retrial in June concerns a baby girl whose breathing tube came out of place. She had been born at the Countess at twenty-five weeks, which is younger than the infants the hospital was supposed to treat. In a TV interview that aired after the verdict but before the retrial was announced, Jayaram, the head of the pediatric ward, said that he had seen Letby next to the baby as the childs oxygen levels were dropping. “The only possibility was that that tube had to have been dislodged deliberately,” he said. “She was just standing there.” He recalled, “That is a night that is etched on my memory and will be in my nightmares forever.”
Brearey, the head of the neonatal unit, told me that after Letbys first arrest, in 2018, a “significant cohort of nurses felt that she had done nothing wrong.” But, in the past six years, many of them have retired or left. In an interview with a TV news program shortly after the verdict, Karen Rees, the former head of nursing for urgent care, seemed to be struggling to modify her beliefs. She routinely met with Letby in the two years after she was removed from the unit. “If I think back to all the times when I have seen her really, really upset—I wouldnt say hysterical but really upset—then I would think that . . .” She paused. The camera was focussed on her shirt, her face intentionally obscured. “How can somebody continually present themselves in that way on a near-weekly basis for two years?” Her voice trembled. “I find that really difficult, and I think, Oh, my gosh, would she have been that good at acting?”
Brearey told me that only one or two nurses still “cant fully come to terms” with Letbys guilt. The ward remains a Level I unit, accepting only babies older than thirty-two weeks, and it has added more consultants to its staff. The mortality rate is no longer high. The hospital has, however, seen a spike in adverse events on the maternity unit. During an eight-month period in 2021, five mothers had unplanned hysterectomies after losing more than two litres of blood. Following a whistle-blower complaint, an inspection by the U.K.s Care Quality Commission warned that the unit was not keeping “women safe from avoidable harm.” The commission discovered twenty-one incidents in which thirteen patients had been endangered, and it determined that in many cases the hospital had not sufficiently investigated the circumstances.
It was another cluster of unexpected, catastrophic events. But this time the story told about the events was much less colorful. The commission blamed a combination of factors that had been present in many of the previous maternity scandals, including staff and equipment shortages, a lack of training, a failure to follow national guidelines, poor recordkeeping, and a culture in which staff felt unsupported. It went unstated, but one can assume that there was another factor, too: a tragic string of bad luck.
Throughout the year of the deaths, Letby had occasionally reflected on the nature of chance, texting friends that she wanted to imagine there was a “reason for everything,” but it also felt like the “luck of \[the\] draw.” After the first three deaths, she wrote to Margaret, her mentor, “Sometimes I think how do such sick babies get through and others just die so suddenly and unexpectedly?”
“We just dont have magic wands,” Margaret responded. “Its important to remember that a death isnt a fail.” She added, “Youre an excellent nurse, Lucy, dont forget it.”
“I know and I dont feel its a failure,” Letby responded, “more that its just very sad to know what families go through.” ♦
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# A Bullshit Genius
**O**n a friendly stroll somewhere in Colorado in the summer of 2004, Steve Jobs asked Walter Isaacson if he would consider writing his biography. Isaacson, a journalist, academic, and policymaker who was then CEO of the Aspen Institute, an influential think tank, had just published a six-hundred-odd-page study of Benjamin Franklin, and was at work on another about Albert Einstein. “My initial reaction was to wonder, half jokingly,” Isaacson later reflected, “whether he saw himself as the natural successor in that sequence.”
Isaacson did not take Jobs up on the offer until 2009, when he learned that the Apple boss was dying of pancreatic cancer. When *Steve Jobs* was published in 2011, just a couple of weeks after its subject passed away, it became clear that during his years of reporting the book, Isaacson had been convinced of what had first struck him only in jest. The front cover, designed with input from Jobs himself, featured a black-and-white photograph of the tech guru gazing knowingly at the camera, his thumb on his chin in contemplation: here is Jobs as world-historic genius, Silicon Valley successor to Franklin and Einstein. The narrative resonated with a public still enthralled by the misfit, college-dropout tech genius. That year was a kind of high-water mark for techno-optimism; the Arab Spring protests were still bringing democracy to the Middle East one tweet at a time; Google, with its ping-pong tables and massage rooms, was still widely considered the best place to work in the world. Isaacsons portrait of Steve Jobs played to this market, selling around 380,000 copies in its first week.
A decade later, Isaacson was casting around for the next genius to include in his rarefied canon, which had grown to include Leonardo da Vinci, too, and was being sold as a “genius biographies” box set. What was kindred among these men, according to Isaacson, was not necessarily high I.Q. but an original spirit. They thought differently than others did — hit targets, as Schopenhauer put it, that no one else could see. This quality often put them out of step with the prevailing attitudes of their time, but these men did not acquiesce to ideological pressure or subscribe to social mores. The Isaacson genius was an avatar of intellectual freedom, a kind of liberal humanist hero who flourished in the Wests innovative meccas: Renaissance Florence, revolutionary America, prewar Western Europe, Silicon Valley.
As Isaacson surveyed the landscape in search of a new genius, one name kept coming up: Elon Musk. He was, without a doubt, a man with grand vision — electric cars, space travel, telepathy. He was unyielding in this vision, too, sometimes belligerently so. In Isaacsons telling, he arranged a call in 2021 with the help of some mutual friends, and the two spoke for an hour and a half. (Musk has also taken credit for the idea.) Musk, unsurprisingly, was enthusiastic about the prospect of being written about. Isaacson, in turn, demanded full access to his subject, and the freedom to make up his own mind. “You have no control,” he reportedly told Musk. Over the next two years, the biographer followed the Tesla boss around, spoke to his family, friends, and colleagues, and received Red Bull-fueled text messages from Musk late into the night. During this period, Musks already bizarre life devolved into pandemonium. He bought Twitter at a massive loss, intervened in the war in Ukraine, spawned offspring with otherworldly names, and challenged Mark Zuckerberg to a cage match. A Fox News segment compared the two men by height, weight, age, and I.Q.: Zuckerberg, 152; Musk, 155. A battle of the geniuses, and also one of the dumbest spectacles of all time.
Nevertheless, when *Musk* was published in September of last year, it was clear from the dust jacket alone that the book would situate Elon in the Isaacson lineage, painting him as the true heir to Jobs — a brilliant, if troubled, Silicon Valley genius. The cover features a head shot of Musk staring directly into the camera, fingers on his chin — like Jobs, in a thinking position — and the epigraph consists of two quotes, the first from Musk: “To anyone Ive offended, I just want to say, I reinvented electric cars and Im sending people to Mars in a rocket ship. Did you think I was also going to be a chill, normal dude?” Directly below it is one attributed to Jobs: “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”
This time, the pitch didnt quite land. Mainstream liberal attitudes toward Silicon Valley culture had cooled since the Jobs era, in large part due to a perceived rightward lurch among its upper echelons during the Trump years. Musk had emerged as the poster boy for this shift; he shared a meme that compared Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to Hitler, and frequently posted about the “woke mind virus” and Covid vaccines. Isaacsons book was panned by many; some critics accused the author of engaging in access journalism. In a combative interview, tech reporter Kara Swisher repeatedly asked Isaacson if he had come to “like” Musk. You can hear her frustration and bewilderment. How could Isaacson, her old friend and fellow liberal stalwart, not see Musk for the “asshole” he is, and, in fact, try to rehabilitate his image and burnish his legacy? Jill Lepore posed a similar question in her *New Yorker* review. Isaacson, she wrote, is “a gracious, generous, public-spirited man and a principled biographer.” Why did he write this apologia for a “supervillain”?
But within the context of Isaacsons nine books, *Musk* is not an anomaly. In method and thesis, it is perfectly in line with a career built on promoting elite interests under the guise of biographical neutrality and insipid humanism. This time, though, his “genius” subject is idiotic enough to throw the bullshit at the heart of the project into stark relief. Musk is not just the natural successor to Isaacsons genius canon; he may be its necessary conclusion.
**I**saacsons first book was not a biography, but a collection of essays entitled *Pro & Con: Both Sides of Dozens of Unsettled and Unsettling Arguments*. Published in 1983, when Isaacson was an up-and-coming editor at *Time m*agazine, it lays out opposing positions on controversial topics like gun control, abortion, and smoking. Isaacson acts as a kind of referee, mediating impartially in order to allow his readers to come to their own conclusions. It is a role that Isaacson would later leverage to great effect — as a neutral observer floating above the political fray — but this early attempt went mostly unnoticed. He had more success with his second book, coauthored with *Newsweek* editor Evan Thomas, which told the story of the coterie of East Coast statesmen who crafted U.S. foreign policy during the Cold War. But his breakout achievement came in 1992, with his next project, a biography of Henry Kissinger. The book was an amalgam of his first two works. Isaacson sought to present both sides of the bloody machinations of one of Americas most notorious statesmen — to produce, as he put it, “an unbiased biography that portrayed Kissinger in all of his complexity.” While *The* *New York Times* called it a “devastating portrait of Mr. Kissinger,” Christopher Hitchens felt that Isaacsons fealty to “the tradition of New York-Washington objectivity” led him to grossly euphemize Kissingers war crimes. Isaacson, Hitchens wrote in the *London Review of Books*, “moves in a world where the worst that is often said of some near-genocidal policy is that it sends the wrong signal.’”
Isaacsons interest in power, and his commitment to that “New York-Washington objectivity,” made him particularly at home at *Time*, where he was promoted to managing editor in 1996. Under his leadership, the magazine pivoted away from hard news to entertaining profiles of prominent figures across the political and cultural spectrum. Isaacson had a knack for covering the influential in affable, entertaining prose that gently probed entrenched hierarchies, but did little to upset them. (Kissinger, for instance, still accepted invitations to Isaacsons *Time* gala dinners after that supposedly “devastating portrait.”) Isaacsons magnanimity was less usefully deployed at CNN, where he was made CEO in the summer of 2001. He arrived at a network under attack from an ascendant Fox News, which had been pitched by Rupert Murdoch as an alternative to the hegemony of the liberal media. Isaacson aimed for principled impartiality — or he played both sides, depending on how you look at it. One of his first moves as chairman was to meet with Republican lawmakers to discuss how the network could cover conservative perspectives with balance. The strategy backfired. Liberal viewers thought Isaacson was pandering to the right, while conservatives still preferred Fox, particularly after 9/11, when Roger Ailes expertly appealed to patriotic bloodlust. In 2002, Fox eclipsed CNN in the ratings, and Isaacson left the following year.
His next job, as president of the Aspen Institute, was a far more comfortable fit. The organization was established in Colorado in 1949, by a wealthy industrialist named Walter Paepcke, who enlisted the future curator of the *Great Books of the Western World* series to put together a continuing education program for business leaders with limited reading habits, composed of the most significant works in the Western canon. Paepckes hypothesis was that mountainside discussions of the likes of Sophocles, Adam Smith, and Herman Melville — interspersed with picnics and the occasional afternoon white-water rafting trip — would help the upper crust “gain access” to their “own humanity by becoming more self-aware, more self-correcting, and more self-fulfilling.” Over the decades, the Institute grew into a kind of nonpartisan paradise, where participants from various, and sometimes opposed, political backgrounds could think out loud and learn from their differences. Aspen was a neutral zone, an intellectual Switzerland, facilitating the peaceful transmission of ideas among people of goodwill. But if Aspen encouraged collegial disagreement, it wasnt a place for true dissent. With professed neutrality, the Institute quietly pushed its own agenda — to imbue participants with the feeling that they were rightful heirs to and custodians of the Western intellectual tradition, of which their wealth and power were somehow natural outgrowths.
Isaacson took to this agenda gladly, and his biographical works began to reflect the values and style of the Institute. He published his biography of Benjamin Franklin during his first year as president, presenting the founding father as the type of guy who would have felt right at home in the mountain seminars. Isaacson writes that he could “easily imagine having a beer with him after work, showing him how to use the latest digital device, sharing the business plan for a new venture, and discussing the most recent political scandals or policy ideas.” A few years later, Isaacson framed Einstein, too, in the mold of a liberal think-tank fellow of the late 2000s. What made Einsteins insight into the fabric of the universe possible, Isaacson proposes, was a “nonconformist” spirit, unbounded curiosity, and an appreciation for the arts. (He makes much of the physicists prowess on the violin.) Isaacson trumpets not just Einsteins scientific virtues, but his liberal values, too: “Tyranny repulsed him, and he saw tolerance not simply as a sweet virtue but as a necessary condition for a creative society.” As with Kissinger, Isaacson narrates the two mens lives in impressive detail, and without too much editorializing. When he does intervene, the analysis is banal, platitudinous, and sentimental. Einstein teaches us, for example, to “question every premise, challenge conventional wisdom, and never accept the truth of something merely because everyone else views it as obvious.”
Isaacson also sought to modernize Aspen for the 21st century. If, in Paepckes era, the elites were capitalists who wanted to delve into Goethe, by Isaacsons time they were increasingly tech investors and founders who wanted to pontificate about the future. The tech scene was one that Isaacson was already familiar with and enamored by. In the 1990s, he had briefly left *Time* to work as the new media editor for Time Warner, where he helped develop Pathfinder.com, a web portal that aggregated content from across the media company. This early attempt at digital journalism failed, costing the company over a hundred million dollars. Isaacson was sent back to edit the magazine, where he satisfied his entrepreneurial urge by establishing a new section covering science and technology, with a focus on the wunderkinds of Silicon Valley. By the time he arrived at Aspen, Isaacson knew how to appeal to this crowd, and one of his first major initiatives was to establish the Aspen Ideas Festival, a weeklong event where “thought leaders gathered to give [TED-like talks](https://www.thedriftmag.com/what-was-the-ted-talk/) to card carriers and members of the public who paid the price of entry. The conference fulfilled the Aspen remit to a tee, but with a modern twist, providing the ruling class with an opportunity to broaden their horizons not by reading ancient tracts, but by listening to snappy presentations from the likes of Colin Powell, Jane Goodall, and Jeff Bezos.
Under Isaacsons leadership, the new Aspen ideal was to be as interested in Goethe as in quantum computing. Amusingly, Isaacson also retrospectively imposed his admiration for tech innovators onto his historical subjects. Franklin is not just a “successful publisher and consummate networker with an inventive curiosity,” but a man who “would have felt right at home in the information revolution.” And although Einstein was not, like Franklin, much of an inventor — he was more prone to theorizing in the abstract than to patenting — “his fingerprints,” Isaacson emphasizes, “are all over todays technologies. Photoelectric cells and lasers, nuclear power and fiber optics, space travel, and even semiconductors all trace back to his theories.” There was, clearly, a taste for this kind of thing in the 2000s, when the phrase “techno-enthusiast” could still be uttered with a straight face. Both biographies were best sellers.
**W**ith Franklin and Einstein, Isaacson was simply rearticulating the achievements of canonical geniuses in the vernacular of his time. Jobs represented a different challenge: because he was still alive, a case had to be made for his inclusion in Isaacsons coterie of polymaths. Following some two years of reporting, Isaacson wrote a fluent narrative about Jobs that, at least superficially, depicted a man with two sides. Sometimes he is a brilliant, intense, eccentric creative with an uncompromising aesthetic vision. Jobs drops acid and travels to India. He takes a course in calligraphy and later uses what he learned there to help develop the Macs font range. He sees a Cuisinart food processor at Macys and has the idea to encase his computers in molded plastic. Other times, Isaacson shows Jobs as volatile and cruel. He gets his girlfriend pregnant, then denies it. He betrays old friends (including his Apple cofounder, the true engineering genius Steve Wozniak). He parks in handicapped spaces. He screams at subordinates. He cries like a small child when he does not get his way. But whenever Jobs behaves badly or demands too much of his staff, or loses himself in perfectionistic pursuit of some detail, Isaacson demonstrates how the unwieldy parts of Jobss temperament allowed him to create world-changing products. The cruel and authoritarian impulses were established, in other words, as necessary components of his creativity. “His personality and passions and products were all interrelated,” Isaacson writes, “just as Apples hardware and software tended to be, as if part of an integrated system.”
It is a classic stereotype: the flawed genius, wherein the flaw is the essence of the genius. It is also a pose that Jobs had previously adopted to market Apple products. In 1997, Apple launched the “Think Different” ad campaign, which featured black-and-white footage of iconic twentieth-century geniuses — Einstein, Picasso, Edison, Martin Luther King, Jr. — as well as a spoken-word poem that, according to Isaacson, Jobs helped draft. Isaacson buys right into the conceit. Instead of offering critical reflection on what type of person invokes Martin Luther King, Jr. to advertise computers, he recapitulates the ad campaign wholesale, concluding the biography with a quote directly from the spoken-word copy (the same one that would later appear in the epigraph of *Musk*): “While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”
“Think different” encapsulated Isaacsons idea of genius in two words, and became one of his mantras. After the biography was published, the chairman of the firm that created the ad accused Isaacson of “revisionist history.” It is true that Jobs had been involved in overseeing the ad, but he had not been the mastermind, as Isaacson portrayed him. In fact, Jobs had initially described the copy for the ad as “shit.” This corrective notwithstanding, Isaacson would continue to attribute the slogan to Jobs alone, and also apply it to his own subjects, even retrospectively. “Einstein had the elusive qualities of genius, which included that intuition and imagination that allowed him to think differently (or, as Mr. Jobss ads said, to Think Different),” Isaacson wrote in a 2011 *New York Times* editorial. “Like Mr. Jobs, Franklin enjoyed the concept of applied creativity — taking clever ideas and smart designs and applying them to useful devices.” Whats remarkable here is that Isaacson compares Einstein and Franklin to Jobs, instead of the other way around: with Isaacsons spin, Jobs becomes their apotheosis, and Silicon Valley begins to look something like the genius promised land.
Of course, Isaacsons Jobs biography did not inaugurate the Silicon Valley myth. It was evangelized throughout the 1990s, when tech founders were framed as geek heroes who were engineering machines that would one day turn libertarian principles into social facts. What Isaacson did in *Jobs* was repackage the folklore for a mainstream audience and focus it on one person. The pitch worked — and the books success transformed Isaacson into a star biographer. In 2012, he was named to *Time*s list of influential people for writing a “trio of brilliant works about men of genius.” Isaacson later [referred to himself](https://www.neh.gov/humanities/2014/mayjune/conversation/venn-diagram-walter-isaacson) as a Boswell for Silicon Valley, a shadow-like scribe who exists to record how the ingenious live for posterity. A more apt analogy, though, might be Giorgio Vasari, a prominent architect and mediocre artist who lived some five hundred years ago in Florence. In 1550, Vasari published *Lives of the Most Eminent Italian Architects, Painters, and Sculptors*, a group biography of Italian artists. A seminal work, it originated the concept of the “Renaissance” and its association with Florence, where Vasaris benefactors, the Medicis, ruled. It also featured the first full account of the life of Leonardo da Vinci. “So great was his genius, and such its growth, that to whatever difficulties he turned his mind, he solved them with ease,” Vasari writes. Indeed, it was Vasari who established the endlessly repeated trope that it was ingenious Renaissance Men like da Vinci who led Florence, and then all of Europe, out of the darkness and into the light. The book made Vasaris reputation, too, forever linking his name with this period in history. With the Jobs biography, Isaacsons project began to bear a distinct resemblance to Vasaris; Palo Alto became a kind of American Florence, the home base of the 21st-century Renaissance, leading the world towards a brighter, enlightened future. Isaacson was the court biographer.
In his next book, *The Innovators: How a Group of Hackers, Geniuses, and Geeks Created the Digital Revolution* (2014), Isaacson traces the lineage of Silicon Valley, a place where “authority should be questioned, hierarchies should be circumvented, nonconformity should be admired, and creativity should be nurtured.” The first forebear of the digital revolution, according to Isaacson, was Ada Lovelace, the mathematician daughter of Lord Byron who developed a theory for programming a prototype computer called the Analytical Engine. Isaacson uses her poetic pedigree and unconventional approach to mathematics to make the argument that, like the Renaissance, the digital age was a product of irreverent creatives who embraced the marriage between the arts and humanities. “I was struck by how the truest creativity of the digital age came from those who were able to connect the arts and sciences,” Isaacson writes. Each subsequent figure is cast in this mold. Claude Shannon is “the eccentric information theorist, who would sometimes ride a unicycle up and down the long red terrazzo corridors while juggling three balls and nodding at colleagues.” Alan Kay builds graphical user interfaces and plays in a jazz band. Sergey Brin and Larry Page attend Montessori schools.
This angle may have sold in 2011, but by 2014 perceptions about tech culture were just beginning to shift. The books publication coincided with the beginning of the so-called “tech-lash,” heralded by *The Economist* the year before as a “revolt against the sovereigns of cyberspace.” Pundits were panicking about device addiction and misinformation; the internet, where knowledge was supposed to be free, was beginning to reveal itself as a giant surveillance engine that accumulated wealth and power for the few, while fragmenting society into increasingly antagonistic and paranoid groups. The tech industry was dominated by megacorporations — Amazon, Facebook, Apple, Google — that tried to ameliorate concerns about their consolidation of wealth and power with noble slogans like “Dont Be Evil. Critiques emerged from Silicon Valley stalwarts, like virtual reality pioneer Jaron Lanier, who lamented how the hyper-successful tech lords had lost touch with their formerly radical, free-spirited values. Tristan Harris, a tech entrepreneur who began to freak out about the fiendishly addictive affordances of social media, established a Center for Humane Technology. Others, like Peter Thiel, thought the problem was that the bloated tech giants had become enfeebled by establishment politics and liberals more concerned with effecting social change than fortifying American power with new technology. Donald Trumps populist, antiestablishment posturing only emboldened Thiels reactionary grievances. Meanwhile, disinformation-obsessed liberals blamed social media and iPhones for rending the fabric of our shared reality — and for bringing about Trumps election.
If the tech-lash caused Isaacsons faith in the Silicon Valley model of genius to wobble, he didnt show it. In 2017, he published a biography of Leonardo da Vinci in which he described the original Renaissance man as innovative — an outsider, the noble bridge between science and art. This was almost indistinguishable from how he wrote about his coterie of hackers, geniuses, and geeks. He went so far as to invoke Jobss advertising slogan “Think Different,” this time to capture the spirit of the man who painted the Mona Lisa. “The fifteenth century of Leonardo,” he writes, “was a time of invention, exploration, and the spread of knowledge by new technologies. In short, it was a time like our own.” He continues with a lesson: “Above all, Leonardos relentless curiosity and experimentation should remind us of the importance of instilling, in both ourselves and our children, not just received knowledge but a willingness to question it — to be imaginative and, like talented misfits and rebels in any era, to think different.”
After the da Vinci biography, Isaacson left the Aspen Institute, became a history professor at Tulane University, took a consulting role focusing on “technology and the new economy” at a global financial services firm, and launched a podcast in partnership with Dell called “Trailblazers, which looked at “digital disruption and innovators using tech to enable human progress.” He also continued working in policy, something he had intermittently done for decades. (Isaacson advised the Bush administration on U.S.-Palestine relations, for example, and under Obama, he was appointed to the Defense Innovation Board.) His next biography, *The Code Breaker* (2021), was about Jennifer Doudna, one of two winners of the 2020 Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her work on CRISPR gene-editing technology. Although it reprised some themes from his previous works — maverick scientist, innovation, code — it was a departure, too. This was Isaacsons first full-length work about a woman, and it contained extensive deliberation about the ethics of biomedical technologies. It was also timely. In it, Isaacson reports on how Doudna and her collaborators assisted in the development of the mRNA Covid vaccine. The savior in that moment was not some tech maven, but an international conglomerate of scientists who collaborated extensively with global public health institutions. Was Isaacson taking a step away from the hyper-individualistic Silicon Valley and towards a broader, more complex conception of scientific innovation?
**N**ot quite. A few months after the Doudna book came out, Isaacson spoke to Elon Musk on the phone. Musk was, at the time, on the cusp of becoming the richest man in the world, a position consolidated during the pandemic. For some, this made Musk a hero: a brazen, freethinking visionary, leading humanity into a brighter future. For others, Musk became a symbol of everything that was wrong with Silicon Valley: he was the mad king of a high-tech feudal state. In any case, he was the object of our collective fascination, a walking headline. Isaacson embraced the opportunity to get close to this powerful and polarizing figure, and he produced a biography of astounding access and significant detail. If youre curious about what Musks life looks like day to day, Isaacson paints a vivid picture of the chaos — all laid out in highly consumable prose. As usual, Isaacson promises to be objective — to show all sides of the man while withholding judgment. This may have worked with Einstein, da Vinci, and even Jobs. But Elon Musk was like cable news come to life; he may have once appealed to CNN viewers, but was now looking more and more like a Fox guy. And Isaacson did not learn his lesson from his time at CNN. In his effort to appeal to Musks lovers and haters, he ended up making himself look like an apologist.
To begin, Isaacson delves into Musks upbringing in apartheid South Africa. Two formative experiences are recounted. The first is veldskool, a sadistic militant survival camp for boys, where Musk learned “that if someone bullied me, I could punch them very hard in the nose, and then they wouldnt bully me again.” The other comes courtesy of Errol Musk, the psychologically abusive father who berates Elon after he is awfully beaten by another boy at his school. Evidently, Musk internalized the savagery of his early years; Isaacson could have offered a psychoanalytic reading of how this prepared him for the cutthroat, domineering, hyper-capitalist world of Silicon Valley. But Isaacson would rather view his high-tech Florence as a creative utopia. Accordingly, he frames Musks trauma in cartoonish, Marvel-like terms: Musk is beset by demons, but like Jobs, he ultimately channels them to “nurture the flame of human consciousness, fathom the universe, and save our planet.” In one scene, Musk challenges the CTO of PayPal, Max Levchin, to an arm wrestle to resolve a disagreement about operating systems. Musk wins and enlists a team of engineers to rewrite the existing code. The effort takes an entire year and achieves nothing other than distracting engineers from a dire fraud problem on the service. But Isaacson ties this up in a mini-redemption arc: Levchin is seen marveling at Musks technical expertise. As in *Jobs*, Isaacson employs his troubled-genius bait and switch, recounting an unhinged Musk anecdote and then justifying it with a moment of brilliance.
The trouble is, there is very little in Musks early life that offers any evidence of genius, creative talent, or even above-average intelligence. He is an emotionally detached child who sits in class staring into space. He likes computer games and *The* *Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy*. He gets As and Bs. The only evidence of superlative capability that Isaacson can conjure is that Musk read his dads encyclopedias and made small rockets with chlorine and brake fluid. What does stand out among this otherwise entirely unremarkable youth are stories in which Musk succeeds through dumb luck and aggression. In one, Musk competes in a Dungeons and Dragons tournament with his brother and cousins. The game master tells them that their mission is to identify the bad guy among the opposing players. On the first move, and without any evidence, Musk correctly guesses that the game master himself is the bad guy. The others accuse Musk of cheating. How did he know? “These guys were idiots,” Musk explains to Isaacson. “It was so obvious.” Any reader can see that this story is just Musk being a cocky teenage boy. Isaacson, however, takes it as proof that Musk could “think different.” Musks big break comes when he sells his first company, Zip2, at the height of the dot-com boom for $307 million. Zip2 is a searchable business directory that uses map software to give users directions. Its not exactly the Mona Lisa, but, as Isaacson insists, “some of the best innovations come from combining two previous innovations.” Musk parlays the capital from that sale into an online-payments business that, fortunately, merges with PayPal. What does he contribute? An idea that new users could sign up with their email addresses instead of their Social Security numbers. Isaacson: “Like Steve Jobs, he had a passion for simplicity when it came to designing user interface screens.”
If there is anything remarkable that emerges about Musk in the biography, it is his grandiose, cosmic sense of mission — his obsession with making humanity multi-planetary, for example — and his absurd appetite for risk. The combination could be inspiring for those Musk worked with — and it certainly makes for good marketing. Like Jobs, Musks great talent is in self-mythologizing. He builds his cult of personality not around the guru-creative ideal, as Jobs did, but as a crazed, workaholic, alpha-male superhero: a manic Iron Man sending a Tesla Roadster into space. Isaacson credulously regurgitates Musks lore, just as he did in *Jobs,* recounting an anecdote in which Musk plays a game of Texas Hold Em and goes all in on every single hand — losing, doubling up — until he eventually wins. “It would be a theme in his life,” Isaacson writes. “Avoid taking chips off the table; keep risking them.”
To redeem Musk as a Jobs-like genius, Isaacson leans heavily on the “crazy” element of the “think different” campaign. It is the “crazy ones,” the ones who go all in at poker, who change the world. The problem is, as the biography progresses, the craziness intensifies even as it bears little connection to the genuine achievements of Musks companies, which are adeptly run by very talented employees who do their best to keep Musk out of the way. Isaacson tries to craft a coherent narrative out of such life events as: Musk accusing a British caver who helped save trapped Thai soccer players of being a “pedo guy”; smoking a fat blunt on Joe Rogans podcast while talking about our coming A.I. overlords; naming his son with the musician Grimes X Æ A-Xii. Isaacson attempts humor at times, affecting the befuddled tone of a naive grandfather regaling internet drama. When Musk takes over Twitter, Isaacson frames the chaos as a kind of clownish farce.
The contrived goofiness distracts from the troubling reality that, as Musk grew more deranged, his power increased. By 2021, when Isaacson began reporting the book, Musk was running two of the worlds most important companies: Tesla and SpaceX (including its subsidiary Starlink). Isaacson got to see in real time how Musk wielded his influence. One evening, in September 2022, Musk messaged Isaacson to tell him that Ukraine was planning a surprise attack on a Russian naval fleet in Crimea with Starlink-connected submarine drones. Musk told Isaacson he believed there was a “non-trivial possibility” that such an attack could trigger nuclear war, so, as Isaacson tells it, “he reaffirmed a secret policy that he had implemented, which the Ukrainians did not know about, to disable coverage within a hundred kilometers of the Crimean coast.” But Isaacson got the facts wrong. There was no Starlink coverage enabled all the way to Crimea to begin with. The Ukrainians asked Musk to switch it on for their drone attack, but he declined. Much was made of this error after *Musk* was published, but more concerning than Isaacsons errant reporting was his indifference to the fact that, whether Musk made the order directly or simply affirmed the preexisting geographical limit, the final decision was still ultimately his alone, giving Musk almost state-like authority. Isaacson fails to call this for what it is: a completely undemocratic consolidation of power. Instead, Isaacson tempers the whole terrifying ordeal by assuring us that Musk never sought such power. “Starlink was not meant to be involved in wars,” Musk told Isaacson during a late night phone call. “It was so people can watch Netflix and chill and get online for school and do good peaceful things, not drone strikes.” Once again, Isaacsons performance of neutrality precludes him from a clear-eyed assessment of his subject. If Kissinger was a serial killer dressed up as a peacemaker, Musk is a mad, petulant oligarch dressed up as a genius.
Isaacson is fond of concluding his books with pithy parting phrases that capture, and also reduce, his subjects. Einstein, were told, is the “locksmith of the mysteries of the atom and the universe.” Da Vinci is “the epitome of the universal mind.” Jobs is one of the “crazy ones” who “push the human race forward.” He makes no such attempt to summarize Musk. This biography ends at a Starship Launch on 4/20, Musks favorite day, because of its associations with weed. He is hyped up on Red Bull with Grimes and three of his eleven kids by his side. He whistles “Ode to Joy” and then gives the command for his rocket to self-destruct after it fails to get into orbit. It is a scene of almost fantastical madness, but Isaacson cant tell what it all means. In part, this is because Musk just doesnt fit within the rubric of Isaacsons new Renaissance Man. Its also because, as Isaacson was writing the draft, and also after the book was published, Musk continued to unravel publicly, doing dumb things and posting about it for us all to see. In fact, the sense I got, on finishing the book, was that if Musks life signifies anything it is how the Vitruvian sense of ourselves as heroic creatures about whom coherent biographies may be written disintegrates online. Life on the platforms unfolds in a fractious and disorienting present tense, never cohering into a meaningful narrative. It is all crisis and reaction, grist for the content mill.
**T**here must be a valuable lesson in the material of Musks life — a metaphor for the false promise of Silicon Valley, maybe, which was always the veldskool painted as utopia. But Isaacson has made himself a main character in this tragedy (or is it by now a farce?). Like Vasari to the house of Medici, Isaacson has tied his name to the house of Palo Alto. He is unable to unveil its darker truths without implicating himself.
In the books penultimate chapter, Isaacson is summoned to meet Musk in Austin, where the purported genius waxes lyrical about how human intelligence is leveling off while digital intelligence increases exponentially. The A.I. overlords are coming. Musk feels it is his duty to intervene, to develop A.I. according to the principles of rationality and truth, so that our civilization may endure — which is why, Musk tells Isaacson, he is starting an A.I. company. This is right out of the Silicon Valley marketing playbook: by framing the algorithms in folkloric terms of good and evil, tech companies distract from the ways in which they are leveraging mass-surveillance apparatuses, accumulating our data and selling it back to us in the form of supposedly super-advanced A.I. that sometimes gets basic math wrong. Isaacson, as always, repeats the tale dutifully, with little critical intervention.
All this suggests that Isaacsons next project might just be a ham-fisted biography of A.I. itself — the genius machines created in our image. After all, Isaacson is perfectly placed to whitewash power with the language of humanism. Its been his project all along. Though Isaacsons biographies have become so predictable, his style so platitudinous, that we could probably just do it for him, with a bit of help. Computer: write a genius biography of A.I. in the style of Walter Isaacson.
Oscar Schwartz is a writer and journalist. He lives in Melbourne, Australia.
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# A Familys Disappearance Rocked New Zealand. What Came After Has Stunned Everyone.
![Cartoon images of a missing poster with three kids, footage of two bank robbers, loose bank notes flying through the air, a pickup truck parked on the beach, and two people on a motorbike.](https://compote.slate.com/images/cdc9afab-22a6-4479-a15f-b67a2a10a410.jpeg)
Illustration by Toby Morris
The waves were already crashing over the Toyotas hood when they found it.
It was a blustery September Sunday in 2021, and the Hilux pickup sat far down the gray sand in a remote cove on the wild west coast of New Zealands North Island. The Māori men who noticed the car live in mobile homes and cabins up by the road, on ancestral land near Kiritehere Beach. The truck was parked below the high-tide line, facing the sea, and was nearly swamped by the waves pummeling the shore. The men found the keys, tucked under the drivers-side floormat, and backed the car up the beach. They couldnt help but notice empty child seats strapped into the back. If any kids had gotten close to the sea on a day like this, they were long gone.
The truck, it would turn out, belonged to Tom Phillips, the son of a prominent Pākehā—white—family with a farm nearby in Marokopa. Phillips, 34, spent much of his time on the farm, where he home-schooled his three kids, Jayda, 8, Maverick, 6, and Ember, 5. Hed separated from his wife three years before and had custody of the kids. Locals heard she was down on the South Island, struggling with her own problems.
Now here was his truck, marooned. The next morning, Toms brother Ben drove down to the beach. Hed last seen Tom and the kids on Saturday, Sept. 11, when theyd left the farm, heading, everyone thought, back to Ōtorohanga, the inland town where Tom kept a house. Now it was Sept. 13. Ben inspected the Toyota, then called the police.
Soon photos of the missing father and his three smiling children were in every newspaper and on every TV channel in New Zealand. Police and volunteer searchers fanned out over the area, knocking on doors. Helicopters, planes, and heat-detecting drones flew over the deep bush surrounding the beach. Rescue boats and jet skis buzzed through the roaring waves, looking for bodies. On days the sea was calm, swimmers from surf rescue teams explored caves along the shoreline. The local hapū, or Māori clan, cooked hot meals for the searchers in a shed near the beach. Three days into the search, Phillips ex-wife [released a careful statement](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/126382867/mum-holding-out-every-hope-for-children-missing-on-stormy-waikato-beach?rm=a) through the police, thanking the searchers for their efforts. “We are holding out every hope that my children Jayda, Maverick, and Ember are safe,” she said.
But the stark facts—the lonely car on the beach, the 8-foot waves, Tom and the children vanishing completely—were daunting. “I do fear the worst,” Toms sister, Rozzi Pethybridge, told a reporter. “I am worried a rogue wave has caught one of the kids and hes gone in to save them.” Phillips uncle seemed to be hinting at something even darker when he told another reporter that in some ways he hoped it *had* been a rogue wave: “If something has happened to the children, the best-case scenario is that they were washed out to sea,” he said. “That way its an accident.”
September in New Zealand, the height of Southern Hemisphere spring, is whitebaiting season, when locals set up nets at the river mouth to capture the shoals of immature fish headed back to their freshwater home. But during the search operation, authorities placed a rāhui, a ban, on fishing. Some Marokopa residents grumbled about halting what had been a boom season. But others put things in perspective. “Thats the end of the whitebaiting,” one local [told a reporter](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/300408397/the-mystery-of-the-missing-family--whats-become-of-tom-phillips-and-his-kids), “but thats small-time compared with losing a family.”
On social media and on Reddit, observers seized on rumors of a custody dispute and [spun out dark theories](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/puhmqz/missing_family_daily_searches_for_family_last/) of an abduction or staged disappearance. Phillips was an experienced bushman, camper, and hunter. In passing, locals told reporters that if Phillips *had* taken the kids out into the wild for some reason, they were confident he could last for weeks or months out there, even with three children in tow. A week into the search, family members seemed to be pinning their hopes on this idea. “Were looking on the bright side,” the uncle [told Radio New Zealand](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/451509/family-hope-missing-dad-and-children-are-in-hiding-uncle-says). “Were hoping hes just gone and hidden in the bush.”
After 12 days of active searching, the [police stood down](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/300415580/missing-family-daily-searches-for-family-last-seen-in-marokopa-suspended). The whitebaiting rāhui was lifted. Emergency services personnel moved out of the Marokopa community building on the banks of the river. Other than the Toyota, not a single sign had been found of the four missing Phillipses. The media continued covering the case, but there wasnt much to say—everyone understood that until bodies washed up somewhere, it was unlikely there would be any further news.
No one knew that the disappearances were just the beginning of an ordeal that has not yet ended—a case that has only grown stranger and more ominous in the two and a half years since, prompting pleas from family, increasing public astonishment, online speculation, a shocking crime, and a communitys closing ranks around one of its own.
Back in September 2021, the real mystery started when the first one was solved. Because 17 days after they had been reported missing, Tom Phillips and his three children walked through the front door of his parents farm.
The Tom Phillips disappearance captivated New Zealand. But the incident never reached the 24/7 fever pitch of blanket coverage that would have characterized the story if it had happened in the United States. In part thats because theres no CNN-style 24-hour news channel in New Zealand, though pretty much every outlet in the country sent a reporter to the west coast in hopes of digging something up. But no one had much to say. Phillips uncle spoke to press during the search, but other members of the Phillips clan stuck to the farm and stayed away from television cameras. The police delivered a daily briefing most afternoons, which never offered any new information. The childrens mother remained unnamed. Reporters were unable to reveal details of the couples custody disputes, because family courts in New Zealand strictly prohibit media from reporting on their proceedings.
Even after Phillips and his children returned, there [was no footage](https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/new-zealand/2021/09/family-missing-in-south-waikato-found-safe-and-well.html) of the happy family waving from the front porch, no soft-focus newsmagazine interviews, no morning-show feature. Phillips never spoke to the press. The family issued a statement—“Tom is remorseful, he is humbled, he is gaining an understanding of the horrific ordeal he has put us through”—and Pethybridge gave a brief interview to the New Zealand Herald in which she [seemed shell-shocked](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/marokopa-mystery-family-of-missing-kids-on-weeks-in-dense-bush-didnt-do-it-hard-at-all/FGZYKWO6KWPJ4QPBHOQ6WXRRIY/?utm_campaign=nzh_tw&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter&utm_campaign=nzh_tw#Echobox=1633037862-1) by the situation. “Hope dwindled and we became more and more resigned and sad,” she said. Now, she added, she could “smile and laugh for the first time in three weeks, and not feel bad if you have a little smile.”
![A triptych of the three missing kids.](https://compote.slate.com/images/60367ead-248c-48c6-964b-81d75dba9c70.png?crop=1400%2C840%2Cx0%2Cy0)
The Phillips kids: from left, Maverick, Jayda, and Ember. Courtesy of NZ Police
She did not, however, smile once in the entire interview. The family closed ranks, and reporters were stuck combing social media for clues. (“Pethybridge also shared a song [titled Hey Brother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cp6mKbRTQY) by Swedish DJ Avicci,” one report noted.)
The residents of Marokopa, too, had little to say once the children were safe, one reporter told me. “After he was found, no one wanted to talk,” [said Karen Rutherford](https://newsroom.co.nz/2021/10/04/man-found-mystery-continues/) of Newshub. “He has put people through the wringer, to be honest.” After all, what had all that work been for? Theyd served meals to rescuers, opened the community center 24/7. Many residents had tramped along the shoreline, looking for bodies. Even after the police had called off the search, members of the local hapū went out every day. Then it turned out that Phillips simply had not bothered to tell anyone he was taking the children to the deep bush, pitching a tent 15 kilometers south of the beach where his car was found. “Hes done this before. Its not the first time,” a [local farmer said](https://www.stuff.co.nz/waikato-times/news/300420778/from-joy-to-frustration-over-marokopas-lostthenfound-family). “Were glad to have him back, but he should be held accountable. What was he thinking?”
And why had he left the car there, anyway? Though one friend suggested that the pickup had been stolen by joyriding kids, most everyone assumed that Phillips had parked on the beach to throw searchers off the trail. But for what purpose? Some [noted Pethybridges comment](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/452625/missing-marokopa-family-found-safe-and-well) that Phillips was in “a helpless place” and wanted to “clear his head.” A [Reddit user mused](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/py73jy/missing_marakopa_family_found_safe_and_well/): “Its one thing for him wanting to clear his head but what about the kids? Hope theyre OK, might need some therapy stat.” Others leaped in to assure everyone that a trip to the bush was just what any kid needed: “Going camping with dad and forgetting about the rest of the world would be pretty sweet.”
Indeed, theres a long tradition in New Zealand of valorizing backcountry adventure—getting lost in the bush for a while—shared by parents and children. “Its a [*Man Alone* thing](https://thespinoff.co.nz/books/29-04-2021/locked-down-and-far-from-home-with-man-alone),” the Auckland education researcher Stuart McNaughton told me, referring to the 1939 novel by John Mulgan still viewed by many as essential to understanding the “Kiwi character.” “Getting on with stuff, taming a difficult environment, getting hurt in the process.” To many New Zealanders, a proper father figure is a guy who knows how to handle the wilderness, a place where increasingly citified Kiwi kids seem less and less comfortable. McNaughton summarized the attitude: “If theyre gonna have an accident, theyre gonna have an accident—itll probably do them good.”
The modern urtext on this subject is Taika Waititis 2016 comedy [*Hunt for the Wilderpeople*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hunt_for_the_Wilderpeople), still the most successful locally produced film in the nations history. In the movie, a troubled Māori kid from the Auckland streets bonds with a brusque Pākehā outdoorsman in the deep bush. The movies villain is a maniacal child protection officer who hunts them down—the overweening nanny state, in the flesh. Its based on a book by the late Barry Crump, famous for his reputation as a rugged bloke; New Zealanders know him best for [his long-running ads](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyHBKX29_Q8) for the Toyota Hilux ute, the official truck of bushmen—unsurprisingly, the truck Tom Phillips owned and parked on Kiritehere Beach.
After he returned, [Phillips was charged](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/126656040/man-charged-over-search-for-father-and-children-in-marokopa-waikato?rm=a) with wasting police resources and ordered to appear in court. He was “reckless as to whether wasteful deployment of police resources would result,” the charges read. He “behaved in a manner that was likely to give rise to serious apprehension for the safety of himself, Jayda Phillips, Ember Phillips and Maverick Phillips, knowing that such apprehension would be groundless.” The charges carried a maximum penalty of three months in jail or a $2,000 fine.
In neighborhood Facebook groups and on playgrounds across New Zealand, parents debated the news. How dare this screw-up risk the lives of searchers and terrify his family because he hadnt bothered to tell anyone where he was going. Shouldnt he at least pay the government back for what it spent on that search plane? Or: How dare the government charge a parent for going camping with his children! Wasnt he the kind of throwback dad we didnt see enough of anymore, as modern kids become coddled and soft?
I was certainly sympathetic to this second argument. Id taken my own family to New Zealand to live for a period in 2017, specifically to capture that spirit of adventure, something that felt sorely lacking in our suburban American lives. Our daughters—just a little older than Phillips kids were when they disappeared—rarely left their comfort zones, and no one we knew let their children roam our neighborhood freely. We hoped that New Zealand might help shake us up. I was no bushman like Tom Phillips, but the four of us [did go tramping](https://longreads.com/2019/09/17/tramp-like-us/) across graywacke streams, into the forest primeval, even along a remote shore that looked quite a bit like the Marokopa coast. Unlike Phillips, I told my friends where we were going, but still: Were the police really charging this guy for giving his kids what might have been a wondrous adventure?
Reporters, struggling to [advance the story](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/126543524/the-marokopa-mystery-what-we-still-dont-know-about-the-phillips-familys-disappearance-and-survival), asked experts what they thought about it all. One family lawyer admitted he knew nothing about the childrens custody arrangement but said, “If there was no parenting order, and he was just going on holiday, legally hes done nothing wrong.” The same outlet asked a “human rights lawyer” what she thought about a parent taking children out into the deep bush without letting anyone know. “Its not best practice,” she replied, in a tone I could almost hear from the page.
![A balding white man in his 30s wearing a gray sweater.](https://compote.slate.com/images/0eae91df-9f97-4395-9e92-8daaec890b6e.png?crop=1086%2C1086%2Cx0%2Cy0)
Tom Phillips. Courtesy of NZ Police
Then, in December, as summer vacation season began, the New Zealand Herald found a Facebook post—seemingly from someone close to the childrens mother—stating that Phillips had once again [taken his kids](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/marokopa-family-missing-again-tom-phillips-and-his-children-havent-been-seen-for-a-week/FJCUY5RR5MG7NTVX6Z4L6NHWZU/) on walkabout. “He notified family of where he was going,” the local police commander said in response. “In terms of current court restrictions of what he can and cant do, hes doing nothing wrong.” Commenters online were aghast that the paper had [pursued the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/rk40i0/marokopa_family_missing_again_tom_phillips_and/). “So this is just literally a man taking his kids camping?” one wrote. “Correct,” replied another. “His ex-missus has gone to NZH and theyve run with it.”
Phillips scheduled court date was Jan. 12, 2022. That morning, reporters packed the tiny wooden courthouse in Te Kūiti, lured by the chance to finally ask questions of the enigmatic father who had made news and driven debate across the country for months. More media spilled onto Queen Street outside, pacing in the warm summer sun.
Tom Phillips [never showed up](https://www.stuff.co.nz/waikato-times/news/127475663/marokopa-dad-thomas-phillips-a-noshow-in-court-on-charge-of-wasting-police-time). Appearing via video, his lawyer told the judge that hed informed his client of the appearance date and never spoken to him again. He also asked to withdraw as counsel in the case.
The judge issued a warrant for Phillips arrest. But the police couldnt locate Phillips or his three children. They had disappeared into the bush. And this time, they didnt come back.
When I spoke to New Zealanders in the months after the second disappearance of Tom Phillips, it was clear that some in the country still viewed him as a kind of quirky folk hero whod taken his kids out into the wilderness to avoid the oppressive, overreaching government. “There was a lot of talk like that,” said Max Baxter, the mayor of Ōtorohanga, where Phillips house sat empty, weeds growing over his fence. “He felt that his personal protection of the children was paramount, and the result was that he was opening them up to experiences that kids nowadays dont get. Hes teaching them to be bushmen.” He laughed. “My grown children probably couldnt survive two weeks in the bush!”
“A lot of people are like, Leave him alone, those kids are probably having the time of their lives, ” said Karen Rutherford, the New Zealand reporter who got the [only on-camera interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0e5AT4EhTw) with Phillips ex-wife. But others, she told me, felt that “now hes skipped court hes stuffed all his chances of being a good dad.”
In the United States, I felt my admiration of Phillips wash away like the road to Marokopa [as heavy rains](https://www.stuff.co.nz/waikato-times/news/300516303/marokopa-locals-caught-off-guard-as-rain-dump-floods-the-village) [swept through the region](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/128843903/marokopa-cut-off-as-floods-make-road-unpassable). Was he really hiding his kids in the bush during *this* kind of weather? The childrens mother made a public [appeal for assistance](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/468228/desperate-mum-pleads-for-safe-return-of-missing-phillips-children-from-marokopa) in May, as New Zealand winter approached. Other relatives on the mothers side [launched an online petition](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/128560653/adult-sisters-of-missing-marokopa-children-launch-petition-asking-authorities-to-do-more-to-find-them) urging police to do more. They complained that Phillips parents were refusing to let anyone onto their enormous Marokopa compound to search the wilderness around the farm—or the baches, the guesthouses the family [used to rent out](https://www.oocities.org/marokopa2002/Accommodation.htm) to tourists.
The Phillips family remained silent objects of fascination for the news media. On the day of Phillips courthouse no-show, his mother had told reporters assembled outside the gates of the family farm, “I am trespassing all media from this property.” According to one outlet, asked if she knew where her son was, “Julia Phillips simply answered with a shrug and a smile.”
“Theyre real sort of rugged, coast-y people who dont come into town much,” a local reporter told me. “Theyre kind of unusual. Youd call them rednecks, I think.” (Being “coastal” has a very different connotation in New Zealand than it does in the U.S.) Tony Wall, a reporter for the newsmagazine Stuff, told me that Phillips parents have been “very uncooperative. If you read between the lines, it definitely seems like they know something but theyre not telling us.”
Someone, everybody assumed, was shopping for supplies and ferrying them out to Phillips, wherever he was hiding out. “Its almost unfathomable to think a father could survive with three small children without someone buying them supplies,” Baxter told me. “But whats the endgame? Im looking out my window now, and its pouring down rain.”
The lack of urgency on the part of Waikato police was often commented upon. “Its very strange,” one reporter whos been covering the case said. “The cops are not pouring any resources into looking for him and those children. I think they are of the view that hes not going to hurt them and hell eventually come out.” The department responded to press requests with a not-particularly-inspiring statement: “Police continue to make enquiries to establish the whereabouts of Tom Phillips, who we believe is currently with his three children. While Police understand the ongoing interest in this matter, we will not be disclosing the details of the enquiries that are under way.”
Whatever enquiries were under way, that cold and wet winter passed with no sign of Tom Phillips. As 2022 turned into 2023, Phillips and his children had been missing without a trace for more than a year. Then came the bank robbery.
The two figures were dressed in all black—motorcycle helmets, puffer jackets, and boots—when they walked into the ANZ bank branch less than half a mile from the courthouse in Te Kūiti, just before noon on May 16, 2023. When the banks anxious staff asked them to take their helmets off, the pair displayed guns and demanded money. Tellers quickly gave them cash and, within moments, the pair ran out the front door.
As the robbers hurried down Rora Street, one witness later said they were dropping cash out of their pockets, “heaps of $50 notes.” The street was strewn with money. The confused passerby asked one of them, a slight figure whom they described as “a girl,” if she needed help picking up the money. Up ahead, the girls companion—a man, it seemed—turned back to look at what was happening. Right then, he was tackled to the ground by the owner of the SuperValue supermarket theyd been hurrying past.
![Surveillance camera footage of two figures, one an adult and the other a child, in face masks and camo gear walking down a sidewalk.](https://compote.slate.com/images/55de22c4-4326-457e-9cc8-b1bedc3ddfea.png?crop=602%2C360%2Cx0%2Cy0)
Courtesy of NZ Police
Suddenly, the girl brandished her gun. The passerby backed away. Someone called, “Fire the gun!” No ones quite clear who did what, or whom they were aiming at, but someone did fire, more than once. The passerby froze in their tracks, and the supermarket owner retreated.
The robbers ran past a vape shop and around a corner to a parking lot, where they climbed onto a motorbike and rode off to the north. Behind them, bank notes littered the pavement, 20s and 50s—as much as $1,000, one witness estimated.
The armed robbery shocked the town, which bills itself as the nations sheepshearing capital. A week later, the robbery led a Waikato Times feature about growing [youth crime concerns](https://www.waikatotimes.co.nz/a/nz-news/350015252/very-country-robbery) in Te Kūiti, full of nervous quotes from residents and shop owners about meth, burglary, and car thefts broadcast on TikTok.
Yet on the subject of the bank robbery itself, one Maōri warden had only to say that he reckoned locals already knew who did it. It wasnt some wayward Te Kūiti youth or a more organized criminal element. Even in those early days, speculation was running rampant among residents that the bank robbers were, in fact, Tom Phillips—and one of his children.
It took four months for police to [officially name Phillips](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/300964573/arrest-warrant-issued-for-missing-marokopa-dad-tom-phillips-over-alleged-bank-robbery) for the crime, charging him with aggravated robbery, aggravated wounding, and unlawful possession of a firearm. They believe that he was the larger of the two robbers, the one who seemed to be leading things, and have not identified the second, smaller robber, other than to say that they think she is “female.” At the time of the robbery, Jayda was 10.
The September 2023 charges in the Wild Weststyle bank robbery—guns blazing, bank notes blowing in the wind—eliminated any residual goodwill Phillips had accumulated in his long months on the run. They capped off an eventful winter, Phillips second on the run with his children.
The month before, Phillips had stolen a truck—naturally, a Toyota Hilux—and driven to Hamilton, the biggest city in the Waikato region, about 40 miles north of Ōtorohanga. An acquaintance recognized him in the parking lot of Bunnings, a Home Depottype home improvement store, where Phillips, [wearing a surgical mask](https://www.odt.co.nz/news/national/police-reveal-items-marakopa-father-bought) and a woolen hat, used a large amount of cash to buy headlamps, batteries, seedlings, buckets, and gumboots.
That evening, Phillips got into an altercation on a road about an hour up the coast from Marokopa. The owner of the Hilux—who had also realized that winter clothing had been stolen from his property—fought with Phillips, then chased him along the winding highway, reportedly attempting to run him off the road. Eventually multiple vehicles were pursuing Phillips, who switched off the Hiluxs headlights and turned sharply into the parking lot of the Te Kauri Lodge, driving through a gate and into a paddock. “He went in there and he hid,” a lodge custodian told [Radio New Zealand](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/495109/tom-phillips-father-of-missing-marokopa-children-evaded-multiple-pursuers-residents-say). “These fullahs drove straight past.” The police sent out a search helicopter, to no avail. A few days later, the [Hilux was found](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/300943316/stolen-ute-driven-by-tom-phillips-found-by-police-in-marokopa-bush) deep in the undergrowth, about 25 meters off Marokopa Road, not far from the Phillips farm.
A few weeks later, a private investigator—he tells reporters he “follows the case on his own time”—tipped off Tony Wall, the reporter at Stuff, that the property to which the Hilux was returned had hosted Phillips for a visit the year before. (The P.I. says he reported the sighting to the police but nothing came of it.) According to an informant, Phillips had been receiving help from a network of local residents “since day one.”
Wall chronicled his visit to the steep, densely wooded property near Ōtorohanga in a hair-raising story [published last August](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/300957682/marokopa-mystery-police-knew-of-possible-fugitive-sighting-last-year-at-property-where-he-later-stole-a-ute). A neighbor, who was reportedly also present when Phillips visited the property in 2022, launched into a coy, taunting conversation about the disappearance. “I cant say if I have or havent seen him in the last few years,” the man said. “Its like a good game of hide-and-go-seek. Hes fucking good at it. Never, ever play hide-and-go-seek with him because youll give up, and he wont come out.” When Wall asked the man how someone like Phillips could simply vanish, the man scoffed. “Its easy in New Zealand. The justice system is shit, the court system is shit, the police are shit, the media is shit. Thats the facts of it.”
As Wall drove away, his car was overtaken by two other drivers, who boxed him in and forced him to pull over to the side of the road. One of the vehicles was driven by the owner of the stolen Hilux, who accused Wall of “snooping around” and “causing havoc.” “Youre in the wrong fucking place for this, man,” he said. “You want to come and harass us out here, on my own turf?” He tried to force open Walls car door, telling him, “Im gonna fuck you up, mate.”
Wall finally managed to drive away, but the utes owner had one last thing to say. “Youre fucking lucky were letting you out of here, cunt. You want the truth about the whole fucking scenario, mate, youd better be on your game, cause youre pushing shit uphill now.”
After the police named Phillips in the bank robbery, [residents phoned in](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/missing-marokopa-fugitive-tom-phillips-police-reveal-12-more-sightings/IVMXVESFAZFMNPHP4I72R5NAKQ/) more than a dozen sightings, but the police could never seem to catch him. Late one night in November, Phillips and one of his children rode a stolen quad bike to the town of Piopio and smashed the window of a superette in an attempted burglary, police say. [Security footage showed](https://www.waikatotimes.co.nz/nz-news/350110471/missing-marokopa-dad-tom-phillips-allegedly-used-stolen-quadbike-smashed) a pair dressed in full camo gear approaching the stores camera with a spray can. When an alarm sounded, they fled south.
This January, the two-year anniversary of Phillips second flight passed with just another wan police announcement—this time that [they had narrowed](https://www.stuff.co.nz/nz-news/350155353/police-narrow-marokopa-search-phillips-family) Phillips hiding place to the Marokopa area, a development that surprised absolutely no one whos been following the case. Yet I feel for the police, who are looking in an area spanning hundreds of square miles, where a number of residents clearly still have no desire to share information with them. (The owner of the stolen Hilux—a guy who disliked Phillips enough that he tried to run him off the road—nevertheless referred to the police as “fucking pigshits.”) “If a plane crashed in this bush, youd be fortunate to find it,” Max Baxter told me. “Its really, really hard to begin somewhere, unless theres someone who knows and decides its time to come forward.”
Few New Zealanders still believe that Phillips and his kids—now 10, 8, and 7—are roughing it, stalking game in the deep bush like the wilderpeople of old. Most everyone thinks that hes hiding on or near his family farm, aided by a network of friendly locals that may or may not include his parents. (Thats certainly what Wall, still trying to [crack the case](https://www.stuff.co.nz/nz-news/350166823/could-wanted-man-tom-phillips-be-or-near-his-family-farm), believes.) On social media, its been a long time since anyone has called Phillips a good dad merely fighting authority. “Hes just a piece of shit human being with anger and control issues who is subjecting his children to child abuse,” went [one typical comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/17upm0f/missing_marokopa_family_in_piopio_tom_phillips/).
And few anticipate any ending to this story that feels happy at all. In the worst-case scenario, Phillips and his kids are injured, or killed, robbing another bank or battling it out with the cops. But even the best-case scenario at this point feels grim. Phillips children have spent the past two and a half years with a father whos surely told them that everyone is out to get them, that they can trust no one but him, that the only way to stay safe is to hide out far from the rest of the world. Hes relayed to them that their future depends on smashing windows, stealing cars, waving guns.
Someday those children will be found, and their father will almost certainly be sent to jail. Every news report about the case—a dwindling number, as the months go on—features the same photos of the children: the girls in fairy dresses, all three of them grinning widely. In the next photos we see of Jayda, Maverick, and Ember, they wont be smiling. I once thought perhaps their father was giving them a gift, the adventure of a lifetime. Instead, he stole their childhoods. When its all over theyll be as alone as that truck was, parked on the gray sand, the implacable sea rushing up to meet it.
- [Crime](https://slate.com/tag/crime)
- [Family](https://slate.com/tag/family)
- [Parenting](https://slate.com/tag/parenting)
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# A Gaza Conundrum: The Story Behind the Rise of Hamas
DER SPIEGEL 51/2023
![](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/1d964129-f08f-49d0-b2f2-bd19e5f639d0_w335_r0.7502857142857143_fpx50.96_fpy50.26.jpg)
**The article you are reading originally appeared in German in issue 51/2023 (December 16th, 2023) of DER SPIEGEL.**
[SPIEGEL International](https://www.spiegel.de/international/ "SPIEGEL International")
It must have been three or four days after October 7 when the Hamas leader visited his hostages in one of the many tunnels under the Gaza Strip. “Hello, Im Yahya Sinwar,” he said, introducing himself in fluent Hebrew. “Nothing will happen to you.”
Eighty-five-year-old Yocheved Lifshitz was one of the Israeli prisoners present for the meeting with Sinwar. She would be released at the end of October. According to the Israeli media, she asked Sinwar whether he wasnt ashamed to be doing such a thing to the very people who had supported peace all these years. Together with her husband, she told Sinwar, she had personally helped bring Palestinians from the Gaza Strip to Israeli hospitals.
She says Sinwar didnt answer.
![Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar at a Hamas event in May 2021](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/b53f722a-7fda-4e7c-bea4-3c7d548a49e3_w520_r1.4904364884747425_fpx40.91_fpy54.98.jpg "Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar at a Hamas event in May 2021")
Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar at a Hamas event in May 2021
Foto: Majdi Fathi / NurPhoto / Getty Images
“Conditions here are unbearable. An explosion is inevitable.”
Yahya Sinwar, head of Hamas
The visit to the hostages must have been a great moment in the life of this man, who has spent more than 20 years in Israeli prisons. Some describe him as a butcher and others as a psychopath, but for many, he is seen as a heroic resistance fighter.
The October 7 massacre is the bloody climax of Sinwars terrorist career. His men simply overran Israels ultra-modern border facilities surrounding the Gaza Strip simply overrun. They took the vaunted Israeli army, which took several hours to respond, completely by surprise and sent the whole of Israel into a state of shock after an attack the likes of which the Jewish state had never seen before: at least 1,200 dead in one day, shot, burned, beheaded in addition to taking around 240 hostages, many women and children. And Hamas filmed the horror live and broadcast it to the world on social media.
### The Palestinian Question Returns To Center Stage
The attack is a turning point in the conflict between Israel and the Palestinians; a turning point after which little will be the same again not only for the Israelis, but also the Palestinians. The massacre and Israels military response to it have created new traumas and reopened old ones. For the Israelis, the atrocities committed on October 7 are reminiscent of the bloody pogroms and the Holocaust. For the Palestinians, the Israeli response has evoked memories of the Nakba, the Arabic word for catastrophe, which the Palestinians use to describe their flight and expulsion following the founding of the Jewish state in 1948.
![Buildings destroyed by Israeli airstrikes in the southern Gaza Strip](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/962383b9-b7fd-4863-80cb-e23c38788fb3_w520_r1.5_fpx34.65_fpy50.jpg "Buildings destroyed by Israeli airstrikes in the southern Gaza Strip")
Buildings destroyed by Israeli airstrikes in the southern Gaza Strip
Foto: Said Khatib / AFP
Since the attack, the Palestinian question has once again been at the center of global attention, while Israel has had to abandon the illusion that it can "manage” the conflict with the Palestinians. Talks on normalizing relations between Israel and Saudi Arabia are on hold. Russia and China sense an opportunity to assert their influence in the region. The European Union is struggling with its future role in the conflict. And the United States government faces both headwinds and isolation stemming from its pro-Israeli stance.
And as brutal and repulsive as the attack was, the Palestinians, says Israeli pollster Dahlia Scheindlin, now view Hamas as "number one” in the fight against Israel. The secular Fatah, which controls the Palestinian Authority in the West Bank, has faded into insignificance, she says.
It can be assumed that this is exactly what the Hamas fighters wanted to acheive, in addition to the very specific goal of taking as many hostages as possible in order to leverage the release of prisoners held by the Israelis.
But Sinwar likely had another goal in mind: That of shaking the Israelis sense of security and their trust in the state and the army. And of hitting them at their weakest point the deep-seated fear of annihilation held by a people who have been persecuted for thousands of years.
The Israeli army began calling up reservists on October 7. And since then, the military has been waging a war against Hamas that has also had a far-reaching impact on the Gaza Strips civilian population. Thus far, Israels army has killed around 18,000 Palestinians, a figure that comes from Hamas sources, but is nevertheless considered realistic by international organizations. More than 100 Israeli soldiers have also been killed in the Gaza Strip. The north of the region, in particularly, has largely been destroyed. The Israeli army reports that 7,000 terrorists have been killed so far, including half of all Hamas commanders.
How was it possible for the terrorists to launch such an attack? Were the atrocities part of the plan from the start? Why did Hamas risk its control over the Gaza Strip, indeed its very existence? And can this war destroy the organization as the Israeli government is hoping, or will Hamas perhaps emerge even stronger than before?
In the search for answers to these questions, its impossible to ignore Yahya Sinwar. His story is deeply interwoven with the rise of Hamas, with its many transformations and with the horrific October 7 massacre, the planning of which he was deeply involved in.
### The Founding in Gaza
The history of Hamas began in December 1987, as a Gaza City offshoot of the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood. The first intifada, the Palestinian uprising against the Israeli occupation, had just broken out. Ahmed Yassin, who was partially blind and confined to a wheelchair, founded Hamas, an acronym for Islamic Resistance Movement. His most eager student was Sinwar, a young man in his mid-20s who had grown up in the Khan Yunis refugee camp. Despite his young age, Sinwar had already spent several months in Israeli custody and had embarked on a career of murdering alleged Palestinian collaborators.
![Hamas founder Ahmed Yassin surrounded by supporters in the Gaza Strip](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/776aae58-df48-4c5e-bd4f-64eadb7e9b38_w520_r1.3865944482058226_fpx36.04_fpy49.97.jpg "Hamas founder Ahmed Yassin surrounded by supporters in the Gaza Strip")
Hamas founder Ahmed Yassin surrounded by supporters in the Gaza Strip
Foto: REUTERS
Previously, Yassin and his comrades-in-arms had not taken part in the armed resistance, which was dominated by secular nationalists at the time. Instead, the groups main goal was to Islamicize society. Yassin received a license from the Israeli military administration in the 1970s for an Islamic association, and his people ran schools, hospitals and religious centers.
Israels primary concern at the time was militant nationalists, and the Muslim zealots were seen as a counterweight so Israel backed them. "It was a vast, stupid mistake,” an Israeli government official who spent years working in Gaza would later state. It was just the first of many mistakes made in dealing with the Islamists, culminating in disaster 36 years later.
Whereas Yasser Arafat, the head of the secular Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO), contemplated negotiations with Israel and a two-state solution while in exile in Tunisia at the beginning of the first intifada and recognized Israels right to exist shortly afterward, Hamas took a different path. They believed the moment for armed conflict had arrived.
Its founding charter from 1988 is steeped in anti-Semitic conspiracy theories in which Hamas preaches jihad for Palestine and rules out any negotiations with Israel.
### Hamas Is Not Islamic State
Unlike the terrorists of the Islamic State (IS) or al-Qaida, Hamas is focused on the establishment of a Palestinian state not global jihad or the creation of a caliphate inhabited by Muslims from all over the world. The organization was founded by refugees who were driven by the idea of returning to the places from which they or their parents had fled or been expelled during the founding of Israel. They wanted a country, and for them, this country would be "Islamic.” Even if some of the acts they commit are similar, the origins, goals and ideology of IS and Hamas are quite different.
It didnt take long after its founding for Hamas to begin attacking the Israelis. In 1989, Hamas members kidnapped and killed two soldiers in the Gaza Strip.
Michael Koubi, now 78 years old, was in charge of investigations for the Israeli domestic intelligence service Shin Bet in the Gaza Strip at the end of the 1980s. He decided to take a radical step: On May 9, 1989, he had all members of Hamas arrested, including Yassin and Yahya Sinwar. Koubi met Sinwar, who was 27 years old at the time, in person.
“It was clear to me even then that Hamas was our biggest enemy,” he says. “What we are doing now in Gaza was long overdue.”
Michael Koubi, Israeli secret service agent
"At first, Sinwar didnt speak a word,” Koubi recalls. He says Yassin then explained that Sinwar was his most important helper, that he was the founder and commander of the Majd, Hamas internal secret service. It was only under pressure from Yassin that Sinwar said anything at all to Koubi. The Palestinian, says Koubi, admitted to having committed 12 murders. He said he strangled one of his victims with a kufiyah, the Palestinian scarf. He had another one buried alive by his brother, who was a member of Hamas. "Thats what Yahya Sinwar was like,” Koubi said.
Koubi says he spent between 150 and 180 hours interrogating Sinwar and that during that entire time, Sinwar never once smiled, that he seemed like a man without emotions. When he asked Sinwar why, in his late 20s, he still didnt have a family, he responded: "Hamas is my wife, my son, my daughter, my parents. Hamas is everything to me.” He stressed that the day would come when Hamas men would get out of prison to destroy Israel. "It was clear to me even then that Hamas was our biggest enemy,” says Koubi. "What were doing now in Gaza was long overdue,” he adds.
### Four Life Sentences
In 1989, an Israeli court convicted Sinwar to four life sentences. According to Koubi, he accepted the verdict impassively. Sinwar spent a total of more than two decades in prison.
"When we met in Shikma prison in Ashkelon in 1996, there were only a few hundred Hamas members there,” recalls Esmat Mansour, 48, who spent time in prison with Sinwar. Mansour served 20 years for the murder of a settler. He now works as a journalist and translator in Ramallah. During the second intifada after the turn of the millennium, the number of prisoners grew. "Hamas became the strongest force in the prisons. That caused Sinwars power to grow.” Both inside and outside the prison walls.
![Esmat Mansour, who spent time with Sinwar in prison, in Ramallah](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/00ba8c64-6021-40aa-bb04-e1f7e9f02163_w520_r1.25_fpx63.19_fpy55.01.jpg "Esmat Mansour, who spent time with Sinwar in prison, in Ramallah")
Esmat Mansour, who spent time with Sinwar in prison, in Ramallah
Foto: Lucas Barioulet / DER SPIEGEL
Israeli security services thought they could keep Hamas under control in prison, says Tel Aviv University analyst Michael Milshtein, the former head of the Palestinian division of Israeli military intelligence. But that was a mistake. "With Hamas, there is no difference between inside and outside.” Sinwars role model, Sheikh Yassin, also spent 10 years in prison and emerged stronger than ever, Milshtein says. Sinwar, the analyst adds, was constantly communicating with Hamas people in Gaza during his imprisonment through his lawyers and other prisoners, including by phone, which is actually forbidden in prison. But it was tolerated because it provided a means to eavesdrop on the prisoners.
Koubi, his former interrogator, says that Sinwar is extremely charismatic and intelligent that he learned Hebrew within just a few months and was interested in Israeli history and politics. "He read books about Ben-Gurion, Begin and Rabin, and even learned a little about the Jewish Torah.” Sinwar went on hunger strikes three times and campaigned for better treatment for his fellow prisoners. He was later elected the leader of all Hamas inmates in Israels prisons.
He often spoke about his childhood and youth in Khan Yunis, fellow inmate Mansour recalls: about his suffering, about the canned fish they had to eat, about the lack of a sewage system. He continually insisted, says Mansour, that Israel had to be defeated so that his family could return to their village near Ashkelon. The Nakba, Mansour emphasizes, is a central element of his worldview.
### The Years of the Suicide Bombers
The world changed during Sinwars years in prison: Then-Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader Arafat shook hands in the Rose Garden of the White House in Washington in 1993 and agreed on a process that boiled down to the formula “land for peace.” The process was to provide the Palestinians with their own state in the West Bank and Gaza Strip in return for recognizing Israel and stopping the terror.
![Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin shaking hands with Palestinian President Yasser Arafat shaking hands after signing a peace deal mediated by U.S. President Bill Clinton](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/e4e20771-969c-422e-9294-d4ce2ea05c5c_w520_r1.3801756587202008_fpx67.37_fpy52.95.jpg "Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin shaking hands with Palestinian President Yasser Arafat shaking hands after signing a peace deal mediated by U.S. President Bill Clinton")
Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin shaking hands with Palestinian President Yasser Arafat shaking hands after signing a peace deal mediated by U.S. President Bill Clinton
Foto: UPI Photo / IMAGO
![The Gaza International Airport in 1998](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/b26ecae5-c1f7-421a-a6d3-0ffb5a2f5bbe_w520_r1.6897689768976898_fpx39.6_fpy54.96.jpg "The Gaza International Airport in 1998")
The Gaza International Airport in 1998
Foto: Ahmed Jadallah / REUTERS
But Hamas tried to sabotage that two-state solution by murdering Israeli soldiers and civilians and carrying out the first bombing attacks. Nonetheless, a better future still seemed possible. The Oslo Accords of 1993 ended the occupation and brought an independent state within reach. Thanks to money from Europe, the U.S. and the Gulf States, the Gaza Strip was thriving. An airport was built, separate Palestinian stamps were issued and Palestine received its own international telephone code.
In 1995, though, Rabin was shot dead by a right-wing extremist Israeli after months of agitation and death threats. Benjamin Netanyahu and Itamar Ben-Gvir, who is now national security minister, were central figures at the time. Two months after Rabins assassination, the most important Hamas bombmaker was killed with an explosive device planted in a mobile phone. Hamas took revenge by killing dozens of Israelis in attacks within a few days and hardliner Benjamin Netanyahu won the election against Rabins successor Shimon Peres.
Mohammed Daib Ibrahim al-Masri, known as Mohammed Deif, succeeded the slain bombmaker. Like Sinwar, he was born in Khan Yunis as the son of refugees. The two are said to be friends from childhood. In the coming years, Deif would rise to become the leader of the Qassam Brigades, the military wing of Hamas, escaping at least seven Israeli assassination attempts, losing an arm, a leg and an eye in the process and planning the gruesome October 7 massacre together with Sinwar. There are only a few decades-old photos of him. He hasnt appeared in public for 30 years and reportedly sleeps in a different place each day to prevent getting killed by Israel. Hence his name: "Deif” means guest.
Netanyahu was followed by a two-year term in office for Ehud Barak and, in 2001, hardliner Ariel Sharon. In retrospect, it was the beginning of the end of the idea of land for peace. These were the years of the second intifada, the suicide attacks by Hamas and other terrorist groups and targeted killings by Israel. According to Israeli figures, Hamas carried out 425 terrorist attacks and murdered 377 Israelis at bus stops, restaurants and shopping centers between 2000 and 2004. Sharon responded with brutality: More than 3,000 Palestinians were killed through Israeli military operations, including many civilians, during this period.
### Hamas Driving Policy
Even as Israeli domestic intelligence agents went about killing Hamas leaders in the Gaza Strip, including Ahmed Yassin, doctors in Israel were busy saving Sinwars life in prison. He developed a dangerous abscess in his brain and was operated on in 2004.
The journalist Yoram Binur visited him two years later in Beer Sheva prison and conducted an interview for Israels Channel 2. “When Sinwar spoke, the others fell silent. When he sat down, a fellow prisoner placed a prayer mat on his chair. And his Hebrew was perfect,” says Binur, now 69.
![Journalist Yoram Binur showing the interview that he conducted with Yahya Sinwar](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/30dbab34-7a74-4551-a7e7-3091d42aa47b_w520_r1.5_fpx66.67_fpy50.jpg "Journalist Yoram Binur showing the interview that he conducted with Yahya Sinwar")
Journalist Yoram Binur showing the interview that he conducted with Yahya Sinwar
Foto: Jonas Opperskalski / DER SPIEGEL
“Sinwar didnt come across as someone who wants to please but as someone who has something to offer.”
Yoram Binur, Israeli journalist
![Sinwar during his television interview from prison with Yoram Binur, aired on Israeli broadcaster Channel 2](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/a2b7630e-c79e-4862-bd58-82aa77f05446_w520_r1.7777777777777777_fpx55.67_fpy52.99.png "Sinwar during his television interview from prison with Yoram Binur, aired on Israeli broadcaster Channel 2")
Sinwar during his television interview from prison with Yoram Binur, aired on Israeli broadcaster Channel 2
Foto: Channel 2
The interview was also remarkable because it seemed as if Sinwar were holding court from prison. He looks directly into the face of the reporter sitting just a few inches away from him and says that the Israelis must understand that Hamas can never recognize the state of Israel, but that a long "hudna,” a ceasefire, is possible. He argues that such a suspension of hostilities could lead to peace and prosperity in the region "for at least a generation.” "Sinwar didnt come across as someone who wants to please but as someone who has something to offer,” Binur says of the interview 17 years later.
Things were going well in those years for Hamas. Arafat died in 2004, leaving a void that his less charismatic successor Mahmoud Abbas was unable to fill. And in 2005, Sharon also unilaterally evacuated the settlements in the Gaza Strip, and Hamas celebrated. The following year, parliamentary elections were held in the West Bank and Gaza Strip, with Hamas participating for the first time. It put up candidates and hit the campaign trail.
In the overall result, Hamas received 56 percent of the votes and thus an absolute majority of seats in the de facto parliament in Ramallah. More than anything, it was a vote against the inefficiency and corruption of the Palestinian Authority and also an expression of disappointment with the stalled peace process. Even some Christians voted for the Islamists.
But a Palestinian government led by the terrorists of Hamas was unpalatable to Israel, the U.S. and the Europeans and they threatened a boycott. The U.S. government pushed for an armed coup by Fatah, which was arming militias in Gaza Strip in order to force Hamas to back down. But Hamas preempted the attempted coup and drove the Fatah militias out of Gaza in bloody battles in 2007. The Palestinian Authority called on its employees in Gaza to go on strike, but then Hamas simply deployed its own people, thus consolidating its power. Since then, Hamas has held power in the Gaza Strip, and the increasingly autocratic and unpopular Mahmoud Abbas has ruled in the West Bank. Elections are a thing of the past.
### 1,027 Palestinians for a Single Israeli Hostage
In the turmoil after Hamas came to power, an event took place that would have a major impact on future developments. In June 2006, terrorists abducted the Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit, a kidnapping that may have been planned inside the Beer Seva prison. Sinwars younger brother Mohammed was also part of the kidnapping squad, and he then spent years guarding Shalit.
It is thought to have been Sinwar who, from prison, had the idea of digging tunnels to kidnap Israeli soldiers. According to the Israeli newspaper *Yedioth Ahronoth*, he reportedly ordered Hamas to dig a tunnel in 1998 and use it to abduct an Israeli soldier, who could then be used to leverage the release of Palestinian prisoners. The tunnel was discovered a few months later, but the idea remained. By the time of the second intifada, tunnels had become part of the standard arsenal for attacking soldiers.
The Israelis spent five years negotiating Gilad Shalits release. A deal was close on several occasions, but time and again, Sinwar prevented it from going through from prison because he didnt agree to the conditions, recalls Yuval Bitton, his former dentist. Bitton treated Sinwar regularly over the course of several years before joining an intelligence agency in 2008.
![Yuval Bitton - a former intelligence official and one-time dentist to Sinwar - in the Shoval kibbutz.](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/426939a2-6eee-4990-980d-f935b9ace742_w520_r1.5_fpx33.99_fpy44.99.jpg "Yuval Bitton - a former intelligence official and one-time dentist to Sinwar - in the Shoval kibbutz.")
Yuval Bitton - a former intelligence official and one-time dentist to Sinwar - in the Shoval kibbutz.
Foto: Jonas Opperskalski / DER SPIEGEL
Bitton says he warned against Sinwars release, but his concerns were ignored. Yet he knew Sinwar better than almost anyone else. "Sinwar didnt trust any Israeli the way he trusted me. No one negotiated with him as much about the conditions of detention and about the Shalit deal.”
In October 2011, Sinwar, the most prominent of 1,027 Palestinian prisoners of whom 280 had been serving life sentences was exchanged for Shalits freedom. Thousands of people greeted him with shouts of "Allahu akbar,” shots of joy and a rally in Gaza City.
In the years that followed, Sinwar recruited thousands of new fighters for the Qassam Brigades, the military arm of Hamas. While still in prison, he encouraged cooperation with Iran and later brought Iranian trainers to Gaza. The Iranians also set up a rocket factory, says Sinwars former interrogator Koubi. "I still dont understand why my government allowed this to happen.”
The Shalit deal was approved by Benjamin Netanyahu, who had been back in office since 2009 and who, with a brief interruption, is still there today.
It was this deal that allowed Sinwar to be released, and it paved the way for him to become the political leader of Hamas in the Gaza Strip. It may also have served as the model for the attack on October 7. If Israel was prepared to release 1,027 prisoners for a single soldier, what would happen if Hamas kidnapped dozens of Israelis?
### A Mini-State on the Mediterranean
Hamas has had its own mini-state since 2008, with around 2.3 million citizens today, but it is sealed off from Israel by land, air and sea and, as such, remains occupied territory according to the United Nations.
But the Hamas barely have any funds of their own and the Autonomous Authority in Ramallah stopped some of its payments. Hamas is also largely cut off from the international banking system. Over the years, much of the money for the fight against Israel has come from Iran. According to Western estimates, the regime in Tehran has been providing Hamas and other Palestinian terrorist groups with around $100 million a year since the 1990s.
More important for Hamas military clout, however, are the direct deliveries of weapons, rocket technology and ammunition. Iran and Hezbollah also share military expertise in the production of drones and missiles.
![Hamas fighters at a military parade in the Gaza Strip in July 2023](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/3c5ab5f9-7829-4509-a492-e089431fdf04_w520_r1.5344262295081967_fpx66.38_fpy49.84.jpg "Hamas fighters at a military parade in the Gaza Strip in July 2023")
Hamas fighters at a military parade in the Gaza Strip in July 2023
Foto: Ibraheem Abu Mustafa / REUTERS
In the years since Israels unilateral withdrawal from Gaza, Hamas has built up a de facto army. Before October 7, it is thought to have included 30,000 fighters, including cyber warfare units and combat divers. They have increased the range of their rockets from 40 to 230 kilometers. If not for the Israeli Iron Dome defense system, Hamas would be able to strike any place in Israel with them.
Even AK-47 assault rifles and the ammunition that goes along with them are produced in Gaza. Meanwhile, anti-tank missiles, kamikaze drones and heavy machine guns likely reach Gaza aboard fishing boats or via tunnels from Egypt. Despite four major military clashes with Israel since 2008, Hamas arsenal just kept on growing.
### An Odd Alliance
In 2012, the U.S. government asked the Emir of Qatar to take in the leadership of Hamas, which had previously been based in Damascus. Since then, the political leadership of Hamas has been living in Doha in addition to a representative in Gaza. The Americans goal was to establish a direct line to the terrorist group and to lessen Iranian influence. Qatar also became the most important donor to the Gaza Strip.
People familiar with the transfers in Qatar say that much of the money was wired directly. The rest was ferried from Israel to Gaza in suitcases once a month by Qatari emissary Mohammed Emadi. Upon arrival in Tel Aviv, Emadi would reportedly be met by Israeli secret service agents, and they would then travel together to the Kerem Shalom border crossing, where Emadi would meet up with people from Hamas.
But why? The Hamas fighters were continuing to fire rockets at Israel and Israel continued to bomb Hamas in retaliation. Why would Israels prime minister ensure that Hamas had access to money?
It appears as though Netanyahu and Hamas kept each other alive in those years. Netanyahu, elected on the promise of establishing security, regularly cracked down on the terrorist group. At the same time, though, he allowed Qatar to finance construction projects and, later, to even pay the salaries of public servants. According to diplomatic sources, Qatar supplied around $30 million a month to Gaza in 2019.
![Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu visiting the troops in December](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/edb533e8-6126-4c6a-8e4b-a4a504a74efe_w520_r1.5_fpx66.67_fpy50.jpg "Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu visiting the troops in December")
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu visiting the troops in December
Foto: Amos Ben Gershom / GPO / Polaris / ddp
“Anyone who wants to prevent the creation of a Palestinian state must support the strengthening of Hamas.”
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu
"One effective way of preventing a two-state solution is to keep Gaza and the West Bank separate,” says former Israeli General Shlomo Brom, who has criticized this policy in the past, as have many other former military and intelligence officials. "Then Netanyahu can reject all peace talks using the excuse that he has no negotiating partner.”
According to media reports, Netanyahu in fact admitted as much at an internal meeting of Likud parliamentarians in 2019: "Anyone who wants to prevent the creation of a Palestinian state needs to support the strengthening Hamas.” But he has never said anything quite that clear in public. But in 2015, his far-right finance minister, Bezalel Smotrich, said in an interview: "The Palestinian Authority is a burden, and Hamas is an asset.”
The weakening of the Palestinian Authority was the common goal that united the right-wing in Israel with the terrorists in Gaza. And both sides initially benefited. Hamas continued to build up its mini-state, while Netanyahu bought himself peace and continued to expand the settlements in the West Bank, making a two-state solution increasingly unrealistic.
### A Model for Coexistence
In a number of different skirmishes and wars against Israel, Hamas was able to emerge as the defenders of all Palestinians. As a consequence, the Gaza Strip over the years became the central theater of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and a symbol of Palestinian resistance.
Without anybody to negotiate with on the Palestinian side, Netanyahu meanwhile increasingly pursued a policy that foresaw the normalization of relations with Arab countries without ending the occupation of the Palestinian Territories.
It was almost as though Hamas and Israel had found a model for coexistence.
### Sinwars Rise
In February 2017, Sinwar was elected leader of Hamas in the Gaza Strip, marking the radical wings takeover of Hamas leadership. But outwardly, Sinwars election was followed by a phase of relative moderation.
Just a few months later, Khaled Meshaal, the outgoing leader of Hamas in Qatari exile, presented a new political program that added a few elements to the groups 1988 charter. While the new version also did not recognize the right of Israel to exist, it marked the first mention of a Palestinian state within the 1967 borders.
To the surprise of many, Sinwar also used the occasion to speak with foreign journalists, adopting an unusually flowery and personable tone. "We Palestinians are coming out in droves, looking for compromise,” he said in May 2018. "We believe that if we have a way to potentially resolve the conflict without destruction, were OK with that. We want to invest in peace and love.” He said he had spent almost half his life in Israeli prisons, and that such a life was easier than living in the conditions in Gaza. "The first words my son spoke were 'father, 'mother and 'drone.’”
But that was just part of Sinwars message. The other was far darker and more threatening. The people of Gaza, he said in the same interview, are like a "very hungry tiger, kept in a cage, starved.” An animal, he said, "who the Israelis have been trying to humiliate. Now, its on the loose, its left its cage, and no one knows where its heading or what its going to do.” Hamas, he said, could not continue on as before. "Conditions here are unbearable. An explosion is inevitable.”
A few months later, the Israeli paper *Yedioth Ahronoth* also published an interview with Sinwar. "The truth is that a new war is in no ones interest,” he said. "For sure it is not in ours. Who would like to face a nuclear power with slingshots?”
It seemed as though Sinwar was following a two-pronged strategy during this phase. On the one hand, he was expanding Hamas military capabilities. Following the last military clash with Israel in 2021, Sinwar spoke of "more than 500 kilometers of tunnels.” And Hamas poured vast quantities of money into building the tunnel system before then reinforcing them with concrete. Before long, they had an underground network that included bases of operations, weapon factories and sleeping quarters. Homes, city quarters and even towns located several kilometers from each other were linked up belowground.
![An Israeli soldier in a tunnel below the Al-Shifa Hospital](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/8105c1df-fce3-4b3b-82e0-a6abab17a275_w520_r1.5_fpx36.67_fpy45.jpg "An Israeli soldier in a tunnel below the Al-Shifa Hospital")
An Israeli soldier in a tunnel below the Al-Shifa Hospital
Foto: Victor R. Caivano / AP
On the other hand, Sinwar was also thinking about participating in elections to be held in the Palestinian Territories elections that never did actually come to pass. In the spirit of coexistence, he also negotiated with the Israeli government over a deal that would have secured Hamas rule in Gaza for the long term and also granted residents the ability to conduct far more trade than before. But that, also, never became reality.
### Sinwar No Longer Wants to Talk
In October 2022, Nasser Al Qudwa, now 70, met with the Hamas leader in Gaza. Qudwa, who, like Sinwar, was born in the Gaza Strip, belongs to the Palestinian political elite. A nephew of Yasser Arafat, he served for a time as foreign minister under President Abbas before the two had a falling out. He has lived in France since then but still travels frequently to the Middle East to mediate between different Palestinian factions.
The meeting between Sinwar and Qudwa lasted for around two hours and focused primarily on the latters attempts to achieve reunification between the Gaza Strip and the West Bank. "We wanted Hamas to give up its claim to sole leadership in Gaza.” Qudwa says that his impression at the time was that Sinwar had been open to the idea. Indeed, Qudwa believed in fall 2022 that the Hamas leadership in Gaza was still looking for a possible return to the PLO and the Palestinian National Authority.
Just over two months later, Qudwa made yet another trip to Gaza and explored the possibility of holding another meeting with Sinwar. "But he was no longer receiving anyone.” To this day, Qudwa continues to wonder about Sinwars sudden withdrawal. Had the insular leadership circle of Hamas already decided by then to abandon the political route? Or was everything that had come before merely a charade, and the terror attack was already being planned? "It is possible,” says Qudwa, "that the previous talks merely served as camouflage.”
But Israels government apparently continued to believe that Sinwar was interested in a deal. Which led them to ignore the warning signs.
### A Vicious Plan
More than a year before October 7, the Israeli secret service obtained a detailed Hamas attack plan, codenamed Jericho Wall, as reported by Israeli media and the *New York Times* following the attack. The plan called for a barrage of rockets combined with drone attacks on the security cameras and remote-controlled machine guns affixed to the Israeli border fence surrounding the Gaza Strip. In the next stage of the onslaught, fighters on motorcycles and paragliders, along with others on foot, were to break through the border fortifications at 60 different sites.
But senior Israeli military leaders and secret service agents felt the plan was unrealistic, a Hamas pipedream. And that assessment didnt change, despite the fact that soldiers from a surveillance unit responsible for keeping an eye on the border fence later realized that Hamas was flying drones near the barricade on a daily basis. Hamas had even built a replica of an army observation post and attacked it with drones, and fighters were practicing attacks on models of Israeli Merkava tanks. Warnings from the surveillance unit, though, werent taken seriously.
When around 3,000 terrorists did, in fact, break through the border fence on the morning of October 7 and attack army posts, towns and kibbutzim, several hours passed before the army was able to relocate units to the south. And it was several days before the army killed the last terrorists on Israeli soil. By then, of course, Hamas had produced a bloodbath and abducted more than 240 people.
Was the size of the attack part of the plan? Or was Hamas surprised by how little military resistance they encountered? The answer depends on who you talk to.
"Sinwar likely just wanted to take enough hostages to force the release of the 7,000 prisoners,” says Yuval Diskin, who was head of Shin Bet from 2005 to 2011. Leveraging the freedom of all the Palestinian prisoners held in Israeli prisons would have been a huge boost to Hamas popularity. "The fact that he would ultimately end up with far more than 200 hostages and kill so many civilians on Israeli territory he cant have anticipated that.”
Other experts believe the plan was so sophisticated that Sinwar may indeed have been envisioning a massacre of this size together with the harsh Israeli reaction.
### Kill as Many as Possible
If you look at Sinwars background and examine the detailed Hamas plans for murdering Israeli civilians on October 7, it seems likely that the extreme violence was pre-programmed. Israelis found notes on the bodies of dead terrorists with orders to "kill and take hostage as many people as possible.” Some of the terrorists were equipped with zip ties, rocket-propelled grenades and incendiaries. And the attackers were also carrying provisions and ammunition for several days, along with plans for assaulting targets far deeper into Israel.
It could be, however, that the attack was not coordinated with the Hamas leadership in Doha or at least not in its entirety. Ismail Haniyeh, the leader of Hamas in exile, has lived in the capital of Qatar since 2019 a pleasant existence far away from the suffering of the Gaza Strip. Even before the attack on Israel on October 7, relations between Haniyeh and Sinwar were said to be strained. The Qatari faction was apparently dissatisfied with the political process, and Haniyehs influence over decisions made in Gaza seemed to be shrinking. At the time of the terrorist attack, Haniyeh was apparently in Istanbul, where he also has a home. The Hamas offensive likely took him by surprise. High-ranking Qatari officials are certain that he hadnt been informed prior to the attack, as are the Americans.
![Iranian Foreign Minister Hossein Amirabdollahian together with Hamas political leader Haniyeh in Doha](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/6c0ae34a-0f9f-4cd5-abdd-430042cbfeff_w520_r1.554001554001554_fpx32.15_fpy49.97.jpg "Iranian Foreign Minister Hossein Amirabdollahian together with Hamas political leader Haniyeh in Doha")
Iranian Foreign Minister Hossein Amirabdollahian together with Hamas political leader Haniyeh in Doha
Foto: Iranian Foreign Ministry / AP
But since October 7, Haniyeh has been the direct point of contact between Israel, the U.S. and the Hamas leaders in Gaza, who are thought to be hiding out in tunnels beneath the city of Khan Yunis. "Haniyeh can pick of the phone and reach Deif or Sinwar,” says a Western diplomat in Qatar. This connection proved instrumental in the deal for the release of the 110 hostages and for the seven-day cease-fire.
Currently, discussions are underway for a larger hostage deal and a lasting cease-fire. Majed al-Ansari, the Qatari prime ministers foreign affairs adviser, believes that the terrorist organization is hoping for a cease-fire. Even if the political leadership of Hamas says they will fight to the death, al-Ansari says, its just rhetoric. "Hamas isnt suicidal. They want to survive.”
### Rising Support
Many Palestinians celebrated in late November when prisoners were released in exchange for some of the Israeli hostages, just as they had cheered the images of Palestinian fighters breaking through the border fence around the Gaza Strip on October 7 even those who are not Hamas supporters. They have also sought to play down the massacre, with many believing that the dead civilians were merely collateral damage resulting from the fighting. There is also a widespread unwillingness to believe that rapes occurred.
In a public opinion poll carried out by the Palestinian Center for Policy and Survey Research (PSR), which is considered to be largely reliable, 90 percent of Palestinians surveyed said that Hamas did not commit atrocities in Israel. The survey also found that 44 percent of people in the West Bank support Hamas against just 12 percent in September. Backing for Hamas also rose in the Gaza Strip, if only slightly from 38 percent to 42 percent. An overwhelming majority of those surveyed are in favor of Abbas resignation.
On the question as to whether the Hamas attack on Israel was the right move, opinions diverge between Palestinians in the West Bank, of whom 82 percent endorse the attack, and residents of the Gaza Strip, only 57 percent of whom express support. Almost two-thirds of those surveyed believe that Hamas will remain in control of the Gaza Strip in the future.
"It's more than just Hamas becoming more popular it is armed resistance that gained popularity,” says the Israeli Middle East expert Ofer Zalzbeg of the Herbert C. Kelman Institute in Vienna. Surveys have shown, he says, that people do not want to be governed by Hamas. "They want to inflict pain on Israel so that it changes its policies, but most dont want to live in a Shariah state. They want neither the repressive rule of Hamas nor do they want the Palestinian Authority. They want a new kind of governance.”
Despite the growing support for Hamas, there has yet to be a coordinated uprising against the Israeli occupation in the West Bank.
And there is also plenty of anger with Hamas. "No resistance movement sacrifices its people for party interests. You cant kill thousands of people and then call it liberation,” complains a refugee in the southern Gaza Strip who requested that his name not be published. He says he first fled from the northern part of Gaza to the city of Khan Yunis, and now, with the new Israeli offensive, he says he had to spend the night in the desert. Food is difficult to come by, he says, as is water. "We dont have anything to do with these maniacs who behave like Islamic State!” he rages. "Yahya Sinwar is a psychopath. He should go into therapy instead of acting like a representative of his people.”
### Can Hamas Be Defeated?
In the last two months, the Israeli military has transformed Gaza into a sea of rubble and driven the majority of the Gaza Strips 2.3 million residents from their homes. The humanitarian situation is a disaster. Allied nations like the U.S. are also pushing for a rapid end to the war. But the big question is whether Israel can achieve its primary aim destroying Hamas.
"What exactly does destroying Hamas actually mean?” wonders a source in Doha who is familiar with the negotiations. When Sinwar and Deif are dead? What happens if they are liquidated, but a new leader takes over control? Does the entire command structure need to be annihilated? Do all Hamas fighters have to be killed? The Israeli government, the source says, has thus far been avoiding all of these questions. Along with that of who should rule the Gaza Strip in the future. Netanyahu recently said that he will not allow Gaza to become a "Hamastan or a Fatahstan” once the war has ended.
Israel says that its military has killed 7,000 terrorists since the start of the fighting and smashed Hamas' command structure. But does that translate to a military defeat of Hamas? And is a military defeat sufficient?
### Eight-Hundred Tunnel Shafts Discovered and 500 Destroyed
Israel says that it has so far discovered 800 tunnel shafts during its offensive and destroyed 500 of them. But the vast tunnel network where the Hamas leadership is hiding and where the hostages are likely being held where weapons, food, drinking water, generators and fuel are being stored has thus far barely been touched.
During a press briefing in early December at a military base in southern Israel, a lieutenant colonel described operations targeting tunnels in the city of Beit Hanun, in the northeastern corner of the Gaza Strip. On October 7, said the officer, who may not be named, the terrorists fired 350 rockets within just a few hours from the city. The Israelis found weapons in almost every house, he added.
He said he doesnt know what kind of underground infrastructure Hamas may still have. There are orders to refrain from entering the tunnels, because there are explosives everywhere. And the army doesnt have any effective technological means to find the tunnels, the officer said, adding that numerous underground connections remain useable despite the fact that their entrance shafts have been destroyed.
Partly for that reason, the Israeli army has begun pumping seawater into the tunnels, according to reports that emerged last week. The procedure is apparently still just a test, and there are doubts as to whether it would be sufficient to destroy the wide-ranging tunnel network, not to mention the unpredictable consequences for the environment and Gazan infrastructure.
"The idea that Israel can defeat Hamas or that it can militarily decimate Hamas is unachievable,” said Hamas expert Tareq Baconi in a recent interview with the *New York Times*. "The movement is also a political body. Its also a social infrastructure. And so, even if Hamas were to be removed, that ideology of commitment to armed resistance for liberation would manifest in a different movement.”
It could be that after the war, Hamas might not be able to carry out military operations for an extended period, Baconi believes. "But what weve learned from the past 16 years (…) is that Hamas is playing the long game.”
Even Israeli hardliners like the military analyst Kobi Michael recognize that Hamas isnt just a terror network, but also a deeply rooted force in society. More than anything, he says, Israels war aim is that of destroying Hamas military capabilities. That doesnt mean "that we will dismantle the entire Hamas ideology. Ideology is rooted in peoples heads and hearts, so that would be a completely different process, comparable to the denazification of Germany after World War II. That would take decades.”
### Hamas Has Built Up a Network of Companies
It also isnt easy to weaken Hamas economically. The groups primary sources of income are overseas, and the millions of dollars the group receives from Tehran are likely to keep flowing, or even increase. The same can be said for the income the group earns from the 30 to 40 companies it controls, most of them thought to be active in the construction and real estate sectors in Turkey, Qatar, Algeria, the United Arab Emirates and Sudan. According to estimates, the terror organizations business activities bring in some $500 million each year.
The Israeli Hamas expert Milshtein also believes that even if Israel were to succeed in defeating Hamas militarily, the group would continue to exist underground and overseas. "Hamas cannot be destroyed,” he says.
Prior to October 7, he warned in vain that Hamas was continuing to pursue the destruction of the Jewish state. After the terror attack, he wrote an op-ed for the *Financial Times* in which he argued against bombarding and occupying the Gaza Strip. The economic costs of doing so, he wrote, would be enormous and the system installed by Hamas could hardly be quickly replaced because the Palestinian Authority is too weak. A large-scale attack, he wrote, "risks turning the Gaza Strip into a Somalia or Afghanistan.”
### A Future with Hamas?
Moderate Palestinians like former Prime Minister Salam Fayyad and Arafats nephew, Nasser Al Qudwa, have begun thinking intensively about what the postwar order should look like. For Fayyad, such an order would be impossible without Hamas involvement. "The first step must be the immediate and unconditional expansion of the PLO to include all major factions and political forces, including Hamas,” he wrote in a widely cited essay for *Foreign Affairs* in late October.
Al Qudwa also believes that cooperation with Hamas is fundamentally a possibility, but he has no illusions about how challenging and complicated that would be. The current war, though, "could lead to a different, military and politically weakened Hamas,” he says, especially if "Palestinian public opinion turns against the organization.”
![Members of the Qassam Brigades in the Gaza Strip in 2018](https://cdn.prod.www.spiegel.de/images/280fb0a0-1419-4690-98f7-dc16941796ce_w520_r1.4372697724810402_fpx62.62_fpy49.99.jpg "Members of the Qassam Brigades in the Gaza Strip in 2018")
Members of the Qassam Brigades in the Gaza Strip in 2018
Foto: Mohammed Saber / EPA-EFE
Islamist movements play a central role in almost every country in the Middle East: either as part of the government, like in Turkey and Iran; as an extremist organization held in check by an authoritarian government, like in Egypt and Tunisia; or as a powerful militia, as in Lebanon and Iraq. The idea that in a future Palestinian state, the Islamist element could simply be kept out of politics is unrealistic. But the question is whether it could be involved without an armed group like Hamas, which is focused on the destruction of Israel.
According to recent reports, Sinwar is "furious” that the Hamas leadership in Doha and representatives from Palestinian President Abbas have begun discussing possible future cooperation. He had apparently demanded that such contacts come to an end.
“Hamas has to be destroyed!”
Yuval Bitton, secret service agent and Sinwar's former dentist
Future developments now depend primarily on what happens in the coming weeks whether a hostage deal and a lasting cease-fire take shape, or whether significantly more civilians in the Gaza Strip are killed. Should the latter come to pass, support for Hamas may increase and the images of dead children from the Gaza Strip could produce a new generation of terrorists.
Indeed, Hamas could ultimately emerge from this war strategically more powerful despite being militarily weakened.
For Yuval Bitton, the Israeli secret service official and former dentist to Sinwar, the answer remains clear. "Hamas has to be destroyed!” Every time he spoke to Sinwar, he says, he could sense "that he hates Israelis and wants to kill them.” He was just waiting for the right opportunity, the dentist says.
Bitton also has personal reasons for his severity. He swivels around on his kitchen stool in his house in the Shoval kibbutz and points to the sofa, where there is a cardboard sign bearing a photo of his nephew. On October 7, he was kidnapped together with his grandmother Yaffa Adar and taken to Gaza, says Bitton. The elderly woman has since been released. But Bittons nephew has not.
*With additional reporting by Michal Marmary*
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# A Knife Forged in Fire
Sam brought out what looked like a deck of tarot cards with nothing on them. No Hermit. No Hanged Man. No Fool. They were gray, thicker than ordinary cards, and clearly heavy in his hands. Inside of them a message waited. He had a long ritual to perform to release it.
As he shuffled the cards, they clattered together, revealing the first hint of their message: They were made of steel. He stacked them and squared up the edges so that all of the cards were nice and straight, nothing sticking out or crooked. Everything neat. The alchemical precision favored by Newton in his dim laboratories.
He clamped them in an industrial vise. Now the cards made a block about the size of a thick paperback book. They would never be individual cards again, these 12 pounds of two different kinds of steel, arranged in alternating layers.
The vise was mounted on a large metal table in the shop that Sam shares with his two brothers, who are fine woodworkers. The shop is in Skokie, which means “marsh” in the Potawatomi language, for these environs were once rich and populous wetlands before they were drained and turned into rows of low industrial buildings like this one and sturdy, modest residential homes. But the brothers have transformed this space into a marvelous cabinet of wonders in which to create whatever they might dream. Much of what is inside could have come from the 19th or early 20th century, great cast-iron machines of fabulous design, embossed with symbols no longer thought necessary to display on slick modern devices. In addition, some of the things in this sprawling realm of clutter might have come from another galaxy, like the ballistic cartridge for the table saw. If you accidentally touch the blade, it senses electrical conductivity and retracts. Its gone so fast that it cant cut you. Its all part of the magic of this place of transformations.
Sam lowered his black face shield and picked up the MIG welder and pulled the trigger. The room lit up to an intensity such that Sam was cast as a silhouetted troupe of antic spiders dancing on the walls and floor and ceiling, sparks flying around him like a cracked nest of hornets and in his hands a burning blue hole at the center of things. All this to the roar of the forges fire across the room, heating up toward 2,400 degrees, and the insect chattering of the welder chewing away at liquid metal.
Sam bent over the light, his body curved around it like some sorcerer whod caught a star and had it pinned there on the bench and was leaning over to examine it and chip away the edges. The bits were falling all around him and bouncing up in little arcs off the diamond floor of heaven. It was positively spooky the way that light stole the glory of the crisp and sunny autumn day outside the open roll-up door.
When he was done and I could look more closely without safety glasses, I saw that he had tacked the cards together with a misshapen bead of melted metal at each end of the stack. As a 12-pound solid oblong block of steel with runes inside, the stack would now be called a billet. To finish it off, he welded a two-foot length of steel rebar to one end to make a handle so that he could hold it.
Sam is afraid of some of his machines in the way that the lion tamer is afraid of his cats. You are confident. You know your skills. You have been doing this a long time. But you know that wild animals are always wild animals, and a false gesture, perhaps an unexpected noise, could set in motion events that could not be stopped. This pact requires utter honesty, complete truth. Sam is harnessing powers that few of us ever encounter in our lives. Hes directing them in order to reach down inside of this deck of tarot cards and transform the very atomic nature of its being. Hes doing what sorcerers do: magic.
John Maynard Keynes, a British economist, owned some of Isaac Newtons papers. They were about alchemy, which was Newtons lifelong obsession. Keynes gradually came to the conclusion that Newton “was not the first of the age of reason.” No, Keynes said, “he was the last of the magicians.”
Not the last. We have some right here in Chicago.
Sam Goldbroch is a knife maker. He was getting ready to make me a traditional Japanese-style kitchen knife.
![Bladesmith Sam Goldbroch puts the metal he forged into a vise](https://www.chicagomag.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/C202401-Japanese-Kitchen-Knives-Sam-Goldbroch-880x1024.jpg)
Bladesmith Sam Goldbroch puts the metal he forged into a vise so he can cut off what isnt needed for the authors knife. Forging Damascus steel is such an arduous process that he made as much as possible in the batch.
I first met Sam when he was just a kid. Id see him and his familyhis parents, Claire and Bernie; his twin brother, Phil; and their older brother, Simonat events in the neighborhood near Dewey Elementary School in Evanston where we all lived. My elder daughter, Elena, and Simon began dating in high school and are now married. The boys, as we came to call them, all went into the craftsPhil and Simon into wood, Sam into food initially. He worked as a chef in various capacities at some of Chicagos best restaurants, such as Blackbird, Elizabeth, and North Pond. But when he and his wife, Julie Zare, decided to start a family, they realized that a chefs grueling schedule would not encourage the best home life. So in 2016 Sam began teaching at the Chopping Block, the Lincoln Square school for home cooks. As he taught his students how to use knives in the kitchen, he saw that he really didnt know anything about them, though he had used them in professional kitchens for 12 years. And with a simple question from one of his students“What makes a good knife?”his life was swallowed up into the mysteries of metal and fire and force.
Both the Northeast of the United States and the Northwest have robust communities of knife makers. The American South has even more. Chicago and the surrounding area are just beginning to coalesce into a serious community of bladesmiths. You can see a sample of their wares at Northside Cutlery in North Center, a small and tidy shop of beautiful handcrafted pieces displayed in a wall-size cabinet Phil Goldbroch made for that purpose. The knives sell for a few hundred to a few thousand dollars each. They are all one of a kind, made by a variety of local bladesmiths.
Sam recently hosted a group of Chicago knife makers for a potluck lunch at the shop. After the meal, Sam cranked up the forge, and one of them, Dylan Ambrosini, crafted a blade while we all watched. Dylan, at 24, is one of the youngest and most talented knife makers in the Midwest. He and Sam collaborated on a nine-inch chefs knife, which sold for $950 before they could get it on display at Northside Cutlery. Top-end chefs knives can cost even more. Anthony Bourdain bought one of his favorites for $5,000 from Bob Kramer, a popular bladesmith in Washington State. It brought $231,250 at auction after Bourdains death.
In Sams kitchen and in the shop, I had seen a kind of knife called a nakiri. I wanted one. If youre a knife nut, as I am, thats all you have to say. Jacques Pépin, the popular French chef, once said that you need only three knives to cook well. “That being said,” he quipped, “I probably have three hundred knives at my house.” People who love cooking cant always say what makes them fall for a particular style of knife. Most chefs knives are at least eight inches long, which feels too big for me. Sam had already made me a chopping knife called a tall petty, whose blade was five inches long. “Tall” means that my fingers clear the cutting board, and “petty” means that the blade is short. I use it all the time for chopping, but sometimes its too short, as when I have a big onion. I wanted one that was a little longer. The nakiri is ideal for preparing vegetables, which is most of what I do. I have always loved the shape. And I knew that Sam would make his own Damascus steel for this knife. The blade and handle would mate to make a work of art that was an exceptional tool. When I had my first dream about this knife, I woke up and knew that I had to have it.
I decided that I wanted to follow Sam as he made my knife, to understand the process from start to finish. I did not expect that I would stumble upon a mystical and transcendent experience in the making of such a seemingly simple tool.
As my father used to say, theres a mile of wire in a screen door.
Sam took the billet of steel, holding it by the rebar handle in a heavy blacksmiths glove, and he carried it to the forge, with its interior of tangerine flame. The forge is a black cylindrical furnace, 16 inches long, as big around as a gallon of paint, and open at both ends. Two propane torch nozzles entered the top to provide the fire. The floor of the forge was populated by glowing white rocks of fractured firebrick. And it roared like a lion. The heat rising from it was so intense that the waves appeared to be dissolving the brick building I could see across the alley through the open roll-up door. I sat at Sams workbench. Although I was 20 feet away, the heat on my face was like summer sun.
Sam placed the billet among the white-hot rocks and we waited. He talked of the metals need to heat all the way through and “relax.” As we watched, the dull deck of gray cards began to wake up and take on the qualities of a living thing. Among the glowing rocks, it seemed to stir and issued a low, dark color. He had put two kinds of steel in the stack that became the billet, 1095 and 15N20, because he was making Damascus steel, a special kind of steel for swords and knives that combines metals to form beautiful patterns by way of forging and pounding, crushing (called “upsetting”) and twisting. Damascus is not particularly superior to other steels. Its just prettier. But it has acquired a special mystique because hundreds of years ago, as early as the fourth century B.C., it came into Europe from the East by way of Syria. That steel had a wavy pattern in it. So by analogy, people today call steel that has a wavy pattern “Damascus.” The Crusaders were armed with Damascus blades. It was said that theirs were quenched in the blood of dragons. And it was also said that those blades could do battle with the Saracens and afterward still sever a feather floating in midair.
> If you want to know what rock is like deep in the earth, you can see it here in the shape-shifting of the metal. These are the energies that we are not used to in the quiet simmer of our daily lives.
I watched the forge. It took a long time, but it had our attention the way a green shoot would where only some damp sand had been seen before. Something was changing. Transformations were coming. If you want to know what rock is like deep in the earth, you can see it here in the shape-shifting of the metal. These are the energies that we are not used to in the quiet simmer of our daily lives. The energies of the deep earth and the high sun, the two sources that power our planet.
Half an hour passed, and now the billet was no longer gray. It had taken on the look of a bright confection of orange marzipan. Sam put on his blacksmiths gloves. The billet was so hot that he wore glasses tinted against infrared radiation. He lifted the billet out of the forge for the first time to check the color of the metal. The rebar sagged like a fishing rod with a swordfish on the line. He wasnt pleased with that, but he liked what he saw on the billet, and so he swung it over to the 12-ton hydraulic press just a few feet away. The billet landed on the compression platform. Holding the rebar in his left hand, he brought down the handle on the press with his right, moving the square metal die down to gently tap the mushy billet with a few tons of pressure so that he could see if it had been heated through and through. He had to make sure that his welds were holding the cards together. The smith calls this process of initial compression “forge welding,” because if everything is right with the stack, the cards will meld into one solid piece.
As the cards of metal were deformed and compressed, the surface of the billet rippled and changed color as if in emotional response to the extremes of heat and force, turning gray and deeper orange and shedding dark flakes of oxidized metal. Sam tapped the handle and added more pressure. Waves of dull gray cascaded across the surfaces and calved off and fell to the floor. But the billet held together. First success. It had cooled enough now that Sam had to return it to the forge to reheat it to a working temperature of about 2,300 degrees.
While it was heating, Sam unbolted the flat dies from the press using a socket wrench. Dies are the parts of the press that actually make contact with the hot metal. He exchanged the flat ones for more rounded ones that are called drawing dies. They would draw the billet into an elongated shape and help start to flatten it.
When the billet was hot enough once more, Sam began compressing it more aggressively to transform it into what he called a bar. In the middle of this, the rebar handle melted, menacingly clattering to the floor, ringing and dancing, and Sam stepped gingerly back to let it settle, then continued his work by lifting the billet with heavy tongs. There was no stopping now. He would succeed or fail by the skill of his hands and his knowledge as a bladesmith.
A natural, lifelong student of anything interesting, Sam got his start by trying to answer that question of what makes a good knife. He began to buy knives of good quality, but old and beat up, to restore them. He talked to knife makers and chefs who knew about knives. He took blacksmithing classes in which he began to acquire a feel for metal, not as the solid that most of us are used to but as a substance every bit as malleable as potters clay. He began to get a feel for taming the fire.
Heating and crushing now with more and more force, Sam gradually transformed the billet into a crude bar of steel so long, about a foot and a half, that it hung out either end of the forge. He then took the bar back to the metal table and clamped it into the vise. He put on his ear protection and picked up an angle grinder. At 1,000 degrees, the steel had gone dark.
> Sam turned his grinder to cut from the other side, and an orange volcano shot up to the ceiling. He explained that you can tell the kind and quality of steel youre working with by the color and shape of the sparks.
To make my little six-and-a-half-inch nakiri knife, Sam didnt need all 12 pounds of steel that hed started with. But the process of forging Damascus steel is so difficult and time consuming that he wanted to make as much as possible in a single batch. As he began cutting the bar in half, orange sparks cascaded down, elves of fire skipping across the concrete and dancing away into the sunlight in the alley. He turned his grinder to cut from the other side, and an orange volcano shot up to the ceiling. He explained that you can tell the kind and quality of steel youre working with by the color and shape of the sparks.
Cutting through the bar took the better part of an hour, as he heated it to soften it and attacked it again and again with different tools. After destroying several angle grinder blades, he brought out a chisel hed forged in a blacksmithing class and began hammering it into the cut hed made in the bar. The making of Damascus steel takes a heavy dose of artistry and craftsmanship, and if one approach doesnt work, you try another and another until the thing in your head becomes a thing in the world. At last he had the metal bar hot and nearly severed and clamped in the vise, and with his blacksmiths hammer, he swung for the fences and knocked half the billet across the room. Fortunately, no one was in the path of the projectile, which landed, smoking, on the floor by the forge.
When the two black hunks of metal had cooled to a few hundred degrees, they took on an almost melancholy gloom of blue-gray, dashed with a distemper of rust, and their random-seeming warts and scars gave them the aspect of objects that had made a long and lonely journey through space, ending with a fiery entry into our world. Only the squared-off shape of these meteorites betrayed the hand of man.
Sam picked up one of the chunks with his tongs, saying, as unlikely as it seemed at that moment, “Theres a knife in there. Thats all that matters.” He also mentioned that the worst accidental burns in a forging shop occur when the metal has cooled off to black and is still at several hundred degrees. The visitor learns to touch nothing.
Now that he was working with a billet that weighed six pounds instead of 12, he could proceed much faster. Moving from forge to hydraulic press, heating and upsetting and turning, occasionally changing dies to different shapes, Sam gradually formed the bar into a piece about 16 inches long and an inch and a quarter square. Some time before, Sam had acquired a rusty old-fashioned monkey wrench. He had welded a piece of steel round bar to the head to make a long and heavy wrench for one specific purpose: twisting a bar of hot Damascus steel. Now he heated the bar and clamped it with the hydraulic press just enough to immobilize it, not enough to deform it. Then he fitted the adjustable wrench to it. Because the bar was now square in cross section, he could maintain a grip on it, as with a wrench on a nut. But when he went to twist it, he managed to turn it only halfway around. It wasnt hot enough.
He put it back in the forge and this time heated it until it was in a yellow rage of photons. Again, he fitted the wrench to the glowing end. And then, using his entire body and the leverage of the long-handled wrench, he began twisting and twisting. The metal shed great gray flakes, and the yellow bar gradually turned orange, looking like a twist of taffy as Sam put all of his effort into the now-helical bar until it would turn no more. It was as if he were doing battle not so much with steel but with fire itself, placing the bright yellow bar in the press and then wringing the light right out of it, for thats what it was, a blade of bright light that he strangled until it went black.
Then he put the bar back in the forge and did it all again. He repeated the process five times, and as the twists grew into a tighter and tighter pattern, the steel began to bend upon itself and undulate like an incandescent banded snake.
When Sam thought that the metals had thoroughly mixed, he placed the bar in the vise and picked up the angle grinder.
“Im going to give you a nice center cut,” he said, meaning the place in the bar where hed find the best pattern of steel.
He took a wooden nakiri template from a board on the wall where he kept the blanks of all the knives he made. He placed it on his anvil and traced its shape with chalk on the bar to get the length right for blade and tang. The tang is the slim projection from the blade that hed fit into the handle. Using the heat, the press, and a hammer on the anvil, he flattened the metal into a vague, cartoonish semblance of a rude asteroid-black knife that my four-year-old granddaughter, Annelise, might have drawn in charcoal. He clamped it in the vise to let it cool. He occasionally pointed an infrared meter at it to check the temperature. When it was cool enough to handle, he took it to the bench and again traced the nakiri shape onto the rough alligator surface. Then he went to the band saw and cut away as much metal as he could around the silhouette. Even though I had earplugs, the noise drove me out to the alley.
Sam was doing all this after taking a weekend forging class outside of Philadelphia. Hed driven 12 hours home, getting only five hours of sleep. Then he wrestled this demon all day, almost eight hours of back-wrenching work, until he got what he had envisioned in his head. It was roughly the right shape. But it was still scabbed black and ugly. Day one was done.
As if in rebellion against the taming of the fire, all night long the lightning lit up the low gray udders of the clouds, the wind milking them here and there for their pitiful rain. What epic history lay beyond the thunders crack and groan?
![Goldbroch chalks a template for the nakiri knife onto the rough-shaped steel.](https://www.chicagomag.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/C202401-Japanese-Kitchen-Knives-template-811x1024.jpg)
Goldbroch chalks a template for the nakiri knife onto the rough-shaped steel. “Im going to give you a nice center cut,” he says.
On the second day, Sam retired to the grinding booth, an enclosure he had built for his power sanding. The belt grinder is a machine of admirable complexity that can turn every which way while keeping a six-foot loop of sandpaper revolving on drums, allowing Sam to make shapes such as Western knife handles. He has to wear a respirator, a heavy apron riveted in brass, gloves, and noise-canceling headphones.
I saw Sam at his best in there. He stood in his armor, confronting a clearly dangerous and indifferent machine of stupendous mechanical capacities for removing any material that came near it, including human flesh in large bloody quantities if he slipped up. Its a bit like a whirling wall of razor blades. Sam put both hands into this, holding something fairly smallit might have been a knife or a handle.
He is a big man, solid and steady on his feet, with wide shoulders and strong arms. He is soft-spoken, modest, and understated, a kind of gentle giant. Id see him Saturdays at the summer farmers market with one or the other of his two children on his shoulder. If you met Sam, your first impression might be of calm and strength, control and competence. Hed happily show you what he can do with hammer and tongs, and youd understand the deep dichotomy and even mystery that powers his mastery of energy and matter. What he does is simply so self-evident in the end that it cannot be questioned. When hes done, what he puts in your hand is self-explanatory. He does not apologize. He does not explain or boast. He does not have to. Its in your hand. And if you met him, youd wonder: What gives him such a solid platform?
> I think Sams mastery grew out of a catastrophic incident in his childhood. He had struggled with fire when he was young, and not in any artistic way.
I think Sams mastery grew out of a catastrophic incident in his childhood. He had struggled with fire when he was young, and not in any artistic way. The story of that struggle belongs to him and Simon and Phil, who went through it together, so it is not mine to tell. But I can say this much: They were trapped in an out-of-control fire when they were kids. They survived. Their parents did not.
When he came out of the grinding booth, Sam had the metal in the right shape and even close to the right size. This was called the rough grinding of the knife. Now he had to set the bevel, the angled portion of the blade that would terminate in the cutting edge. He did this with hammer and anvil, man against steel, as in images of 19th-century industrial infernos. The hammer rose toward the ceiling and then Sam put his whole back into it as it came ringing down on the steel. When he first brought the blade out of the forge, it was a tiger burning bright, and when he straightened up with the shape he was after, the black stubbly silhouette looked as if all it needed was a little stamp on the edge that said “Made in Hell.”
All morning long, a small heat-treating oven, actually a kiln that could have been used for ceramics, had been warming up. Now it had reached 1,650 degrees, the temperature at which to begin the process called “normalizing.” All of the forging and pressing and hammering and twisting of the metal had confused the internal crystal structure of the steel and introduced weird stresses among the grains.
But since the knife now had the exact shape that Sam wanted, he wouldnt need to do anything violent to the blade again, except one final explosive act. To prepare for that, he first had to heat it back up to the point that the steel could, as he explained, relax again and release the tensions within, so that rather than being, at a microscopic level, like broken and jagged sea ice, the metal would be like a quiet millpond.
He placed the blade in the oven and closed the door. He set the timer for 10 minutes and went back to his bench to begin work on the handle. The artistry of this knife was all Sams doing. I had given him absolute control. But Id spied a particular piece of wood among the materials he keeps for making handles. It was a rare Australian eucalyptus called vasticola burl, and when Id first pointed to it, Sam smiled and said, “Oh, I love that wood.” He picked it up. It was just a block, perhaps six inches long and two inches square. He wiped some oil on it with a paper towel, and it seemed to glow.
“It looks like fire,” he said.
The fire again. Hed had his taste of fire when he was a child. And now it was in his blood.
The block was too wide for the Japanese *wa* handle that he was going to make, so we went into a giant room with an array of limb-snatching machines, and he cut it to size on a 1912 band saw that was taller than we were. Back at his bench, he searched in the drawers full of materials for handles and came up with a nicely patterned piece of buffalo horn for the ferrule, the protective ring between handle and blade.
“This is good,” Sam said. “Its usually just black.”
The timer went off, and he took the blade out and put it in a rack to cool. He turned the heat down to 1,550 degrees, and when the blade had cooled, he returned it to the oven. After another 10 minutes, he put the blade aside again to cool and turned the oven down to 1,450. He repeated the 10-minute heat treating and set the blade aside once again.
“Its still not a knife,” Sam insisted.
It was not yet good steel. It couldnt be sharpened to take a cutting edge, and whatever edge you might put on it wouldnt hold. It was useless for the kitchen, which was where I wanted to take it. To eat, lets not forget. For what is a human but a transport channel for energy? And our energy comes from food. Lovely, gourmet food prepared with a fine knife. The qualities we need in a knife to create that food come from the atomic structure of the steel. But for the moment, what we had here was like a pig wallowing in mud and claiming to be cassoulet.
Sam stepped up to the oven, beside which the blade had been cooling. The oven had reached 1,475. He put the blade in and closed the door.
A slender, rectangular metal vessel sat upright on the floor by the oven. It looked somehow military, as if meant to shoot a rocket. It was filled with Parks 50, whats known as a high-speed oil and designed for this purpose. After 10 minutes of heating to 1,475, Sam took the blade from the oven with heavy tongs and gloves and plunged it into the oil. A cloud of smoke rose to the ceiling, and a searing sound filled the room like a basket of snakes.
> “This is the moment of truth,” Sam said, holding the tongs and looking away from the smoke. “This is when it becomes a knife.”
“This is the moment of truth,” Sam said, holding the tongs and looking away from the smoke. “This is when it becomes a knife.”
The quenching is a pressurized moment on which everything else turns. He cannot flinch. He cannot fake it. Like the free solo climber, he cannot make mistakes. The mere hint of a *ping* with the knife in the oil, and hed have to go back to the other half of the blackened billet and start over. Because the knife would have fractured. Hard to believe, but at this point, if Sam dropped the knife, it could shatter. Some American knife makers have even taken to having a quenching ceremony to mark the birth of a knife. Some of them also think that you can quench properly only while facing north. Sam doesnt hold to those ideas. You do your best and try to have more skill than luck.
The small heat-treating oven sat atop another oven that looked as if it wouldnt be out of place in a 1960s kitchen. It was a tempering oven. Sam had set it to 400 degrees, and now he put the knife inside for many hours of tempering, which would finish settling the structure of the metal and would reduce its hardness to the sweet spot where it could be easily sharpened and would also hold an edge. Sam could do nothing more with this blade until the tempering was finished. So he would turn to other projects.
Before I went home that second day, Sam said, “Ill finish the belt sanding tonight and leave about 10 percent of the hand sanding for the morning so you can watch. Assuming you like to sit there and watch people sand stuff.”
Steel is not steel. It is a chameleon, completely dependent on its environment. At temperatures such as Sam was using, it is a glowing portal to the world of the atom. Steel is iron mixed with carbon and some other elements, depending on what kind of steel you want. I had asked Sam to make me a high-carbon knife, which means that, by technical definition, at least 0.6 percent of its atoms are carbon. In practical terms, it means that its not stainless steel and will rust if you dont take care of it. Sam and I like to take care of our knives the way some people like to take care of their motorcycles.
Taking care of a knife is pretty simple. You strop it before each use. You dont throw it in the sink. You wipe it off and put it in a safe place when youre donea knife block, for example. And we would chop down telephone poles with it before wed put it in a dishwasher. Then again, to qualify as a master bladesmith with the American Bladesmith Society, you have to chop a wooden two-by-four in half two times with a knife you made and then still be able to shave with it. The rules for that qualification test clearly state: “The test knife will ultimately be destroyed during the testing process.”
The knives that Sam and his fellow Midwestern smiths make, passed from hand to hand with care, from mother to son to uncle to granddaughter, could last a thousand years, by which time every speck of high technology we know today will be dust. But the reality is that if a knife maker has become too famous, you simply cant get his or her knives any longer.
Iron atoms form crystals of various kinds, atoms connected electrically to one another. Iron atoms are like little magnets, having a north and south (positive and negative) end. So they can arrange themselves like those toys for children, magnetic shapes to create pleasing patterns.
When carbon mixes with iron, the smaller carbon atoms occupy the spaces between iron atoms. The crystal arrangement of the iron atoms changes to accommodate the carbon. Different crystal arrangements give the metal different properties. Think of it as bread. Its like deciding what kind of bread to make. White bread. Sourdough. Hard Lithuanian black bread. Fluffy Mexican bolillos. So goes the saga of steel. The tarot cards Sam dealt at the start of this process were 1095 steel, which is iron with between 0.95 percent and 1.05 percent carbon, and 15N20, which is iron with nickel. Mixing the two is popular for making Damascus and produces an attractive pattern and a very nice edge.
As a lover of good food and good kitchen tools, I dont need to know much about metallurgy. A bladesmith like Sam can take care of that. But I find this stuff fascinating, these amazing transformations. I like to know whats going down in the atomic world that will blossom into these beautiful patterns of his blade.
As I watched Sam work, I kept having the impression that he was trying hard to erase somethingthe traces of the fire, the encroaching flames, the blackened body of the meteorite after its travels. But the erasing was also an act of creating. Michelangelo said that the block of marble contains a man, and all you have to do is remove the rock that isnt part of the man, and then you will have your sculpture. So Sam said, “Theres a knife in there. …” And in this attitude of seeking, there is a humility that does away with the myth of the conquering hero or the towering artistic genius.
> Sam does not see himself as the creator of the knife. He sees himself as having found it inside of this other, most unlikely object.
Sam does not see himself as the creator of the knife. He sees himself as having found it inside of this other, most unlikely object. As he worked, he let the steel tell him things. He followed what the material suggested rather than sticking to a predetermined plan. He was facilitating the process. He was the sorcerer. He did not invent magic, did not really make magic, but he employed magic. And with the rackety dance of hammer and tong, he was urging the knife into stelliferous being. In the process, he was also taming the fire.
Hundreds of thousands of years ago, an ape not all that different from us created an edge by fracturing one rock with a blow from another. Make no mistake. Such a knife is sharp enough to shave with. And at a stroke, the woolly mammoth could fall apart into bite-size pieces. It didnt change everything, but it laid a dense, high-calorie, protein-packed feast on our table that allowed the relatively small inner workings of our gut to extract the tremendous amount of energy needed to grow these giant billowing brains we have. In a sense, the knife marked the birth of civilization.
![After being ground and cleaned of oils, the blade is bathed in etching solutions to reveal its Damascus pattern.](https://www.chicagomag.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/C202401-Japanese-Kitchen-Knives-etching-794x1024.jpg)
After being ground and cleaned of oils, the blade is bathed in etching solutions to reveal its Damascus pattern.
When I came in the next morning, while I did not feel that I had missed anything crucial (Sam sitting and sanding), the knife was now a revelation. It was the right size and shape, and it was all silver. It looked like a real knife awaiting a handle.
“Wow,” I said.
Sam smiled. Then, with a sly look: “Let me show you something.”
He carried the blade to the room of giant machines. Against one wall a sink was set up with gallon-size square beakers of colored liquid, one black or dark blue, one gold. “Well do a two-stage etch and see what weve got.” He washed the blade and cleaned it with Windex. He then put the blade into the dark solution. He set the timer on his watch, and when two minutes were up, he again cleaned and rinsed the blade and put it in the golden liquid. I knew that the dark fluid was ferric chloride. I asked what the golden liquid was. Sam reached to a shelf behind the sink and brought down a half-gallon bottle. It featured a cartoon alligator and was labeled “Gator Piss.”
“Whats in it?” I asked.
Sam shrugged. “Proprietary, I guess.” He left the blade to etch and went back to his bench to tidy up. “But it works,” he said.
The trade name might seem odd to those who dont know the history of Damascus steel. Ancient Afghan makers, for example, quenched their blades in donkey urine. Some makers during medieval times believed that only the urine of redheaded boys should be used. Other Asian smiths prescribed heating the blade until it looked “like the sun rising in the desert” and then shoving it “into the body of a muscular slave.” About quenching by murder, Sam said simply, “I dont make weapons.”
Half an hour later, he took the blade out of the Gator Piss and washed it. He held it under the lamp. We could clearly see the Damascus pattern, with its contour map of dark hills and bright craters, its sinewy valleys and far landscapes. And we could spot his signature, or makers mark, which hed electrically etched on the blade. And as with looking through a microscope, the longer you looked, the more you saw.
Sam took the blade back to the bench for finer and finer sanding. “You dont want to make it too fine,” he said. “Or the pores will close up and youll start to lose the sharpness of your pattern.” He would take this Damascus to 800 grit.
He had more polishing to do, more etching. The handle was a simple shape and Sam knew it well. Hed sand and polish it, and then the eucalyptus would really look like fire. Hed glue the tang into the handle. And of course, he would sharpen the knife and shave the hair on his arm to test its razor edge.
Outside the open door, I could see that the day was high and clear with light-year blue and upward-tumbling cumulus clouds that mirrored the Damascus pattern churning in the blade.
![The knife, nearly finished](https://www.chicagomag.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/C202401-Japanese-Kitchen-Knives-almost-finished-788x1024.jpg)
The knife, nearly finished: The blade had been etched, the handle shaped. Now the epoxy holding the handle in place was left to cure.
The quenching of anxiety and stress through ordered, repetitive, directed, and meaningful physical motions is an effect well known among neuroscientists and others who work with human brains and nervous systems. The rhythmic movement is soothing. Sam had tamed the fire inside and coaxed it outside to create a work both useful and beautiful. A palliative process that would give rise to a tool that would feed us and satisfy our sensibilities with its physical beauty while doing so. All of human history would thereby be embodied in a single work of art.
On the third day, when Sam presented me with the finished knife, it was so beautiful that it took my breath away. I brought it home and cut some onion for my wife, who was making dinner. The knife slid through the flesh with no resistance. It felt like cutting air. I rinsed it and wiped it dry and during dinner we propped it up in its black velvet case and we stared at it like early humans in a cave somewhere, watching fire.
## Welcome!
We hope you enjoy our newsletters.
To subscribe to the print edition of *Chicago* magazine, go to [chicagomag.com/subscribe](https://chicagomag.secure.darwin.cx/I**D7BC).
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# A Teens Fatal Plunge Into the London Underworld
After Zac Brettler died, his parents struggled to decode the mystery of what had happened to him. They thought that they could pinpoint the moment hed started to change: three years earlier, when, at sixteen, he began boarding at Mill Hill School, in North London. Zac had grown up in Maida Vale, a quietly affluent neighborhood in the city. His father, Matthew, is a director at a small financial-services firm; his mother, Rachelle, is a freelance journalist. As a child, Zac was bright and quirky, with curly red hair and a voice that was husky and surprisingly deep. He was an excellent mimic, and often entertained his parents and his brother, Joe, by putting on accents. Joe was nearly two years older than Zac, and he attended University College School, an élite day school in Hampstead. But when Zac took the University College entrance exam he struggled with the math portion, and wasnt admitted. He was clearly intelligent and creative, but he was less of a student than Joe, and after applying unsuccessfully to two other schools he enrolled at Mill Hill, as a day student, at the age of thirteen.
Established in 1807 and occupying a rambling hundred-and-fifty-acre campus, Mill Hill has a hefty tuition price, but it has a less academic reputation than its peers. In the bourgeois milieu in which Zac grew up, to mention that you attended Mill Hill could be interpreted to mean that youd been rejected by more rigorous schools. When Zac arrived, in 2013, he found himself in the company of the cosseted offspring of plutocrats from Russia, Kazakhstan, and China. “It was the children of oligarchs,” Andrei Lejonvarn, a former student who befriended Zac at Mill Hill, recalled. The kids wore designer clothes and partied at swank hotels. On cold days, rather than make the eight-minute walk from the dormitory to class, they summoned Ubers. Because London is a second home to so many rich people from abroad, the city has long been a bastion of gaudy consumerism. To Zac, his classmates ostentatiousness seemed exotic; his parents werent especially materialistic. Rachelle told me, “This world of Porsches and cosmetic surgery and Ibiza, its everything were not.” Once, an administrator called the Brettlers home to say that Zac had just left school in a chauffeured limousine. Zac confessed to his parents that hed paid for this extravagance himself. “I wanted to see what it would feel like,” he said.
The commute from Maida Vale to Mill Hill took nearly an hour, so Zac began boarding during the week. To his parents, he seemed relatively well adjusted. He got decent grades and excelled at tennis and cricket. Occasionally, he brought friends home, and they appeared to be nice kids. But Zac was becoming more fixated on wealth. Hed been interested in cars since childhood, and now expressed embarrassment at his familys humble Mazda. Like many adolescent boys, he developed a fascination with gangsters, watching documentaries about figures from the London underworld, among them the homicidal twins Reginald and Ronald Kray. He loved movies about guys on the make, such as “The Wolf of Wall Street” and “War Dogs,” which tells the true story of two young men in Florida who became international arms dealers.
By 2018, Zac had tired of boarding, and for his final year of high school he transferred to Ashbourne College, in Kensington, because it was closer to home. He still had a baby face, with unblemished skin and flushed cheeks, but he carried himself like an adult. He wore a Moncler vest to class and stored schoolwork in a briefcase. He talked to his parents about business deals—selling cars and high-end properties—that he was supposedly involved in. They didnt know how seriously to take these claims. Was their son precocious or playacting? Zac had always been congenial and a quick study, and these qualities, they figured, might well equip him to become a young entrepreneur. In any case, the Brettlers didnt want to discourage their son—or, worse, push him away. Even if they were dubious of his desire for wealth and glamour, they tried to be gently supportive.
In early 2019, as Zac was finishing up high school, he told his parents that hed become friends with Akbar Shamji, a wealthy businessman in his forties who lived and worked in Mayfair, one of Londons poshest districts. Shamji had a big, beautiful dog, a black Weimaraner named Alpha Nero, and Zac sometimes visited Shamjis flat, on Mount Street, and took Alpha Nero for a walk. Rachelle sensed that Zac enjoyed the feeling of strolling alone through Mayfair alongside this elegant, obviously expensive animal, as if it were his own. But he was no mere errand boy for Shamji. Indeed, he told his parents that theyd become business partners and were discussing various deals, from launching a line of CBD-infused skin-care products to investing in a mine in Kazakhstan. Zac incorporated a company, Omega Stratton, which was described in a public filing, obliquely, as engaging in “security and commodity contracts.” He occasionally e-mailed his family from his business account. For a month or so in the summer of 2019, Zac even moved into a luxury flat in Pimlico, in a new development called Riverwalk, which was right on the Thames, near Vauxhall Bridge. It wasnt clear if he had a roommate—he wouldnt let Matthew and Rachelle visit—but on a video chat he showed them the apartments sleek interior. Zac had received admission offers from several universities, but he was now thinking of skipping college. He told his parents that he was earning enough from his assorted ventures to afford the rent at Riverwalk, though by the end of the summer hed moved back home, saying that hed been lonely in Pimlico.
Matthew and Rachelle felt mounting unease about Zacs trajectory. He was growing up too quickly, and he sometimes behaved belligerently—stomping around their flat, slamming doors, at times becoming physically intimidating. Fearing that he was taking drugs, they asked his childhood physician to draw blood at his next checkup and surreptitiously screen it. The result was negative. Once, when they went on vacation in Oman and left Zac alone at home, Matthew hid a video camera in the living room; all it captured was Zac with friends from the local tennis club, watching soccer on TV. At Rachelles urging, Zac was evaluated by a psychiatrist. But the doctor found no clear indications of a disorder.
Matthews firm is international, and on November 28, 2019, a Thursday, he was in the United States on a work trip. Zac had told Rachelle that he planned to spend the weekend with Shamji, doing a “digital detox”: avoiding computers and phones. But that night, in the familys apartment, Rachelle discovered that Zac had left his wallet and keys behind. “I am a wee bit worried about you,” she e-mailed him. “You have left your jacket and coat and credit cards here—how does that work for you for a few days?” She signed off, “Sending you much much much love.” At 2:03 *a.m.,* Zac replied, “All good x.”
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a28554)
“Hon, do you think its time you took a break from the light-therapy lamp?”
Cartoon by Meredith Southard
Twenty-one minutes later, a surveillance camera affixed to the Thames headquarters of the British spy agency M.I.6 captured sudden movement outside a building across the river. It was Riverwalk, where Zac had stayed that summer. The buildings façade featured curved balconies overlooking the Thames. At 2:24 *a.m*., the camera recorded Zac walking out of a brightly lit fifth-floor apartment. He went to one corner of the balcony, then to the other. Then, returning to the center, he jumped.
The Thames is two hundred and fifteen miles long, but the stretch that ebbs and surges with the saltwater tide runs from Teddington Weir, in West London, to the North Sea. The tide was high that Thursday night, but by morning it had lowered by some nine feet, exposing a broad shoulder of muddy shoreline in front of Riverwalk. Shortly after 7 *a.m*., a passerby spotted a pale body on the riverbed. Somebody called the police, and the London Ambulance Service soon arrived. The body was “cold to the touch and extremely stiff,” a paramedic later noted. “Life was recognized to be extinct at 7:36 *a.m*.”
Every year, scores of people attempt to kill themselves in the Thames, often by jumping off a bridge. Many survive the impact and are fished out by rescuers. But if a fall is fatal the body often drifts with the tide. Consequently, the police didnt realize, on discovering Zacs body, that hed plummeted from a balcony directly above; it was more probable that hed been borne to the Pimlico riverbed by the current. After loading the body onto a boat, they transported it to a mortuary. No wallet was found in the sweatpants Zac had been wearing that night, so the police had no idea who he was.
Four miles northwest, in Maida Vale, Rachelle woke up worried about her son. She kept calling Zac, but his phone went straight to voice mail. At around nine-thirty, the doorbell rang. The Brettler flat occupies the ground and basement levels of a handsome red brick apartment building. At the door, Rachelle encountered a muscular chauffeur with a shaved head, dressed in a tailored blue overcoat and a purple tie. He had a phone to his ear.
“Wheres Zac?” the chauffeur asked.
“I dont know. Who are you?” Rachelle said.
“Who are *you*?”
“Im Zacs mum.”
The man had been holding his phone so that whoever was on the line could follow the conversation. Through the phone, Rachelle heard a male voice say, “That cant be his mum. His mum is in Dubai.”
Rather than explain what this could possibly mean, the man climbed into a Range Rover and drove off, leaving Rachelle in her vestibule, feeling deeply unsettled. That evening, she called a police hotline and reported Zac missing. Zac had been gone only since the previous afternoon, but she had a sense of foreboding. Through a friend, she got the contact information of a private investigator. Shed alerted Matthew, who had decided to return to London. Rachelle had also tracked down a friend of Zacs who had a phone number for Akbar Shamji, and she arranged a meeting.
On Monday, December 2nd, the police still hadnt connected the John Doe found in the Thames with the missing-persons case in Maida Vale, so, as Matthew later said, “we thought we were looking for a living person.” Rachelle and Matthew went to the Méridien hotel in Piccadilly, where Shamji had suggested talking in a guest lounge to which he had access. Shamji was forty-seven and rakishly handsome, with an aquiline nose and a full head of dark hair. He wore a tight-fitting suit with a busy pattern. Shamji said that he, too, was worried about Zac.
He handed the Brettlers the black overnight bag that Zac had taken with him four days earlier. He explained that hed spent Thursday evening with Zac at Riverwalk, along with Dave Sharma, a fifty-five-year-old friend who lived in the apartment. Sharmas daughter, Dominique Sharma Clarke, who was in her early twenties, was also there. It had been an upsetting night, Shamji continued. Zac had confessed to having a heroin addiction.
The Brettlers were astounded: theyd seen no signs of heroin use. According to Shamji, Zac had said that hed been secretly using the drug for years. That Thursday evening, Shamji went on, both he and Sharma had vowed to find Zac a treatment program. Then he and Dominique departed, leaving Zac with Sharma. On Friday morning, Shamji said, Sharma had informed him that Zac had disappeared. “We started to worry,” Shamji told the Brettlers. “Hes obviously gone off to get some drugs.” Sharma arranged for an associate of his—the chauffeur, whose name was Carlton—to look for Zac at the Maida Vale apartment.
Shamji unnerved the Brettlers further by explaining that he and Sharma had known their son not as Zac Brettler but as Zac Ismailov, the wealthy child of a Russian oligarch. Shamji had been introduced to him roughly eight months earlier, by a man named Mark Foley, who worked for Chelsea Football Club, a team then owned by the Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich. Foley had told Shamji that Zac was looking to invest some of his family fortune. Shamji said that, until he spoke with Rachelle, hed been under the impression that Zacs father had recently died, and that his mother lived with Zacs siblings in Dubai. Zac had claimed that his family owned a penthouse unit in One Hyde Park—a superluxury development in Knightsbridge famous for its secretive, often absentee tenants—and had described the Maida Vale flat as an investment property where he was living only temporarily, and alone.
Shamji seemed like a credible person: hed attended Cambridge University and had impeccable manners. Moreover, Zac had told his parents that Shamji had an office on Berkeley Square—a rarefied address even by London standards. His wife, [Daniela Karnuts](https://www.instagram.com/daniela_safiyaa/?hl=en), runs a successful fashion label, Safiyaa, which has made clothing worn by Meghan Markle and Michelle Obama. Yet Shamjis story seemed outlandish. Matthew found him nervous and fidgety, noticing that he avoided eye contact with them. But Shamji emphasized that he and Sharma were desperate to find Zac and “get him back” for the Brettlers. They all agreed to stay in touch and continue searching.
The next day, Rachelle was in the front room of the family home, on the phone with Joe, when she saw a police car pull up outside. “I instinctively knew why they had come,” she said later. Two uniformed policewomen entered the apartment. One of them held Rachelles hand as they told her that Zacs body had been found.
In a chill rain last fall, I visited the Brettlers. Id initially connected with them over the summer, and wed since had several long, and sometimes painful, conversations about their son. The Maida Vale apartment is spare and modern. Rachelle writes about crafts and design, and the space was elegantly decorated, and brightened by colorful glass vases. A framed snapshot on a bookshelf showed Zac and Joe as little boys, dressed up in costumes at a school fair. Zac was “a cute, fun goofball,” Rachelle said. Both Brettler parents are now sixty-one. Matthew is bespectacled, athletic, and bald. He has a conspicuously analytical mind and an amiable intensity, and he has coped with the devastation of losing a child by channelling his energies into investigating Zacs demise. Rachelle is petite, with lively eyes and a tendency to smile even when shes relating a sad story. Joe drifted in and out as we talked. He is twenty-five, with corkscrew curls, and has a casually affectionate manner with his parents.
In the four years since Zacs death, the family has had to confront the extent to which the boy they thought they knew had been living a double existence. Zac had always possessed a Walter Mitty quality: hed burnish his achievements (boasting to friends about his athletic prowess and his business prospects), or play up his supposed connections to prominent people (falsely claiming, for instance, that he knew Virgil van Dijk, the captain of Liverpool Football Club). But none of the Brettlers had ever imagined that Zac might be moving about London pretending to be someone else altogether.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27411)
Cartoon by Jared Nangle
Matthew said, “Zac was very good at picking peoples—”
“Sweet spots,” Rachelle interjected.
“He was a very good reader of people,” Matthew went on. In “War Dogs,” one character says, of the movies antihero, “He would figure out who someone wanted him to be, and he would become that person.” The Brettlers recognize now that Zac assembled fabrications like a magpie, picking up strands of truth in one corner of his life and repurposing them as fiction in another. Across the road from the Brettlers was a glamorous Russian woman, a single mother who drove a Bentley. She befriended Zac after he introduced himself on the street, and when she cooked meals she occasionally gave him some of the food. Her name was Zamira Ismailova. “He took her *name*,” Rachelle noted.
I spoke to Ismailova recently, and she told me that shed known Zac by yet another fictitious name, Thaimas, and that shed believed him to be a young Kazakh who lived by himself. Because the Brettlers building has a common entrance servicing multiple flats, she had no inkling that he shared the place with his parents. She spoke English with Zac, but he occasionally threw in a word of rudimentary Russian. London is full of children whose families and fortunes come from abroad but who are raised to be thoroughly English. “I never doubted what he said,” Ismailova told me. She learned the truth only after Zacs death.
Shamji was right about Zac being a fabulist, but Matthew and Rachelle are adamant that he wasnt suicidal. Hed never talked about killing himself, nor did he seem depressed. On the contrary, he was brimming with plans and ambitions, all too eager to commence adult life. Just after seven oclock on the evening he died, Zac e-mailed Rachelle to say that hed used her credit card to pay for a test to obtain his drivers license. “I hope that is okay x,” he wrote. While I was at the Brettlers, Rachelle disappeared into Zacs bedroom and came out holding the overnight bag that Shamji had returned, which Zac had packed hours before he jumped off the balcony. “Its not a bag of someone planning to commit suicide,” she said, pulling out neatly folded items. “Youve got underwear, underwear, T-shirt, T-shirt. Youve got *deodorant*.”
Police recovered an iPad among Zacs belongings, and discovered that two days before he died he had done an Internet search for “witness protection uk.”
When Zac moved into Riverwalk, in July, 2019, he told his parents that he was renting the apartment from Verinder Sharma, an Indian rubber tycoon. At the time, Rachelle did a Google search for “Verinder Sharma” and “India” and “rubber,” and found no obvious match. In fact, Verinder was the birth name of Shamjis friend Dave Sharma. In London, he was known to friends as Indian Dave. And he wasnt a rubber tycoon. He was a gangster.
The morning Zacs body was identified, the private investigator the Brettlers had hired, Clive Strong, visited Sharma at Riverwalk. Sharma, who was short, sharp-featured, and physically fit, liked to box, and told Strong that hed just returned from a sparring session. According to Strongs notes, Sharma said that Zac had presented himself as someone whose “father was an oligarch,” and had claimed that hed clashed so much with his mother—who lived in Dubai, along with four of his siblings—that shed barred him from their various luxury properties in London. He was therefore homeless, despite being fantastically rich. “I felt sorry for the young man,” Sharma told Strong. “I said that he could stay in my flat”—the Riverwalk apartment.
Sharma, the last person to see Zac alive, told much the same story as Shamji: the previous Thursday evening, Zac and Shamji had come to Riverwalk; Sharmas daughter, Dominique, joined them; after a few hours, Shamji and Dominique left; Sharma fell asleep, and when he awoke, at 8 *a.m*., Zac had vanished. In Sharmas opinion, Zac had been a troubled kid who was “becoming suicidal.” Sharma noted that he was happy to talk to Strong, because he was a private investigator, but he preferred not to speak with the police, as hed had some “bad experiences in the past.”
Sharma didnt volunteer what those experiences were, but he did have a history with law enforcement. In 2002, he was arrested on heroin-smuggling charges. He was later implicated in the murder of a bodyguard turned night-club owner, Dave (Muscles) King, who was killed in a drive-by shooting in 2003, as he was leaving a gym in Hertfordshire. It was the first time that a fully automatic AK-47 had been used to murder someone in England. At a high-profile trial, the judge described the assassination as “thoroughly planned, ruthless, and brutally executed.” The gunman and the driver were each sentenced to life in prison.
Sharma had been one of Muscles friends in the drug trade, but they fell out. When authorities arrested Sharma and others in the 2002 heroin bust, the only suspect they didnt end up prosecuting was Muscles, and in front of witnesses in open court Sharma angrily called him a “grass”: an informer. Moments after Muscles was shot to death, the assassin called a mobile phone in France, which the police subsequently linked to Sharma. I spoke to a former official who was involved in the investigation, and he said that Sharma was a dangerous person. At the time of the murder trial, authorities had tried to locate him in France for questioning, but hed gone underground. “Ive no doubt Sharma was involved in organizing the shooting,” the former official told me. “But we didnt have enough evidence to charge him.”
After returning to England, Sharma worked as a debt collector. I spoke to a source whos had occasional business in Londons underworld, and he said that Sharma wasnt afraid to exert his will through physical force. Stories circulated about Indian Dave hunting down people who owed money and dangling them off rooftops. When Clive Strong, the detective, visited him at the Riverwalk flat, he wanted to see the balcony. Sharma flicked a switch on the wall, the glass door slid open, and they stepped out and looked at the Thames. Strong made a note of the fact that the glass door was opened and closed from inside the apartment.
On December 5, 2019, two days after Zacs body had been identified, Dave Sharma and Akbar Shamji were arrested and questioned. Sharma refused to talk to the police, but he provided a handwritten statement saying that on the night in question hed passed out at about 12:30 *a.m*., having become “heavily intoxicated” after drinking Jack Daniels and taking a sedative. Before he woke up at 8 *a.m*., he said, Zac must have killed himself by jumping off the balcony. “I was not responsible,” Sharma added. “I am still very upset about this.”
Because the authorities didnt initially make a connection to the Riverwalk building when they discovered Zacs body, police didnt enter Sharmas apartment until four days after the fall. When two officers inspected the place, they found it “immaculate,” one said. On the balconys glass safety partition, right around where Zac had jumped, they noticed an area that appeared to have been recently wiped clean, though they couldnt tell what might have been cleaned off. One officer asked Sharma if he remembered whether the balcony doors were open or closed when he got up that morning. Closed, he said.
Sharma had some visible injuries—a cut on the bridge of his nose, another between his right thumb and forefinger—but the officers report doesnt indicate that they asked how he acquired them. As the investigators scanned the floor, they noticed something: the back of a “burner”-type phone that had belonged to Zac had fallen into the track for the sliding balcony door. They found the front part under a sofa. The phone had evidently broken in two, suggesting that it had hit the floor with force.
When a pathologist examined Zacs body, he found no trace of heroin. A forensic investigation determined that Zac had nearly made it clean into the Thames, but his hip had clipped the low stone river wall. He had a compound fracture of his left elbow, probably from hitting the water. The pathologist also noted an injury that couldnt as readily be attributed to the fall: Zacs jaw was broken on the right side.
The most dramatic revelations came when the investigators examined the phones of Shamji and Sharma. Interestingly, Shamji had deleted his WhatsApp exchanges with Sharma in the weeks before Zacs death. But Sharma had taken no such precautions, so Shamjis messages were visible on his phone. The police cross-referenced this data with CCTV footage from cameras around the Riverwalk complex, which allowed them to reconstruct the movements and the communications of both men that night.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27830)
“The assignment was three full pages *without* illuminated drop caps, Chauncey.”
Cartoon by Patrick McKelvie
Shortly after 9 *p.m*., cameras captured Zac and Shamji parking Shamjis red Mercedes outside Riverwalk. Accompanied by Alpha Nero, Shamjis dog, they went up to Apartment 504. A couple of hours later, Sharmas daughter, Dominique, parked in an underground garage and also entered the flat. At 1:25 *a.m*., Shamji and Dominique left with Alpha Nero. They descended to the garage and talked in Dominiques car until 1:56, when she dropped Shamji and the dog off at the Mercedes, and both cars drove away.
Sharma had lied about going to sleep for the night at 12:30 *a.m*. At 2:12—nine minutes after Zac e-mailed “All good x” to Rachelle—Sharma telephoned Shamji from the apartment. Shamji was on his way back to Mayfair, and they spoke for nine minutes. But something must have alarmed Shamji, because he turned around and drove back to Riverwalk. At 2:24, the camera on the M.I.6 building captured Zacs plunge. The footage—shot from a considerable distance, at night—is grainy, but he is clearly alone on the balcony. Nobody pushes Zac, in other words. But, just after the jump, the footage appears to show the silhouette of someone moving around the apartment.
Two minutes after Zac hit the river, Sharma telephoned Dominique. The call lasted three and a half minutes. Then, at 2:34 *a.m*., Shamjis Mercedes reappears on the CCTV. He goes up to Apartment 504, Alpha Nero still by his side. After twenty minutes, he leaves the building, heads back to his car, and loads in his dog. But, rather than get in himself, Shamji walks around to the other side of the building, where a promenade runs along the Thames. According to subsequent police testimony, this is what happens next: “Mr. Shamji is then seen to look over the river wall in directly the spot that Zac has fallen into.” The wall is about four feet high, and Shamji cranes his torso over it, peering down into the water. Then he straightens, returns to his Mercedes, and drives away.
London is so beautiful that it can be easy to forget that much of it was built on imperial plunder. This dissonance between the veneer of refinement and the sinister forces pulsing beneath has become especially stark in recent decades, as the United Kingdom, stripped of its empire, has found a new role as a commodious base for global kleptocrats. In the recent book “[Butler to the World: How Britain Helps the Worlds Worst People Launder Money, Commit Crimes, and Get Away with Anything](https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250281937/butlertotheworld),” Oliver Bullough explains that a combination of lax regulation, permissive law enforcement, plaintiff-friendly libel laws, discreet accountants, unscrupulous attorneys, deluxe real estate, and venerable schools has turned London into a mecca for moneyed reprobates—a modern-day Casablanca. The London property market offers countless opportunities for someone looking to park a dodgy fortune. Take a stroll around Belgravia or Regents Park, and youll notice that many of the multimillion-dollar dwellings stand unoccupied, their blinds drawn. Here is a safety-deposit box for some tycoon in a turbulent industry; there is an insurance policy for a corrupt minister of mines. London is the capital of pristine façades, often painted in wedding-cake shades of cream or ivory; the citys dominant aesthetic is literally whitewash. As a [2021 report by the British think tank Chatham House](https://www.chathamhouse.org/2021/12/uks-kleptocracy-problem/01-introduction) put it, the U.K. is a “comfortable home for dirty money.”
To launder cash—or a reputation—is to mingle the dirty with the clean, and one consequence of Londons new identity as a twenty-four-hour laundromat is that the city is full of crooks with pretensions to legitimacy and businessmen who seem a little crooked. Akbar Shamji arrived in London with his family in 1972, when he was less than a year old. His father, Abdul, came from an Indian family in [Uganda](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/uganda), where hed built a thriving trading company called Gomba. But Idi Amin, who became Ugandas President in 1971, blamed the countrys economic inequality on its successful Asian minority, and in 1972 he announced that he was expelling all Asians. They had just ninety days to leave. When the Shamjis arrived in England, Abdul was determined to rebuild his business. He started by shipping Johnnie Walker whisky to Zaire, and expanded into trucking, mines, and hotels. There was a handbag factory in Blackburn and a crocodile farm in Malaysia. The reincarnated Gomba was incorporated in the offshore tax haven of Jersey, and its offices were on Londons Park Lane. As Abdul grew richer, he donated money to the Conservative Party. [Margaret Thatcher](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/margaret-thatcher) attended a fund-raiser at his home, a mock-Tudor mansion in Surrey, where Akbar grew up.
Abduls holdings came to include several prominent London theatres, including the Mermaid and the Garrick. For a time, he was even a part owner of Wembley Stadium. In the 1980 thriller “The Long Good Friday,” Bob Hoskins plays a London crime boss trying to remake himself as a legitimate property baron. He owns an elegant white pleasure boat and hosts parties on it while cruising the Thames. The vessel used in the movie was reportedly rented to the filmmakers, at what one of them called a “humongous” price, by its owner, Abdul Shamji.
Abdul endured a scandal in 1985 after his principal backer, the Johnson Matthey bank, went under. Gomba owed significant debts to the bank, including five million pounds that Abdul had personally guaranteed. Questioned in court about his finances, he asserted that he had no Swiss bank accounts. But it emerged that he did—six of them. A Member of Parliament lambasted him as a “crook.” Abdul insisted that he was a scapegoat, but he was tried and convicted for perjury. “You lied like a trooper,” the judge said, sentencing him to fifteen months in prison. Akbar was seventeen at the time.
In 1993, fresh out of Cambridge, Akbar told an interviewer that his father had “moved his Monopoly board” back to East Africa, though the older Shamji retained at least one of his U.K. holdings: the Mermaid Theatre. When Akbar was twenty-one, he was installed as its general manager. Akbar had done some acting at Cambridge; in a student production of “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves,” he played a swindler named Honest Achmed. The Shamjis poured money into the Mermaid, but, according to Marc Sinden, its artistic director at the time, the theatre presented hardly any shows. The family built a new restaurant and a stainless-steel kitchen, but nobody used them. “There were piles of monogrammed cutlery with the Mermaid logo on it, and china plates all still in their boxes,” Sinden told me. “It was as though Id walked into a hospital that was fully equipped, but theyd forgotten to put the patients in.”
The Shamjis did mount a brief run of a one-man show about Muhammad Ali, and they paid Ali to visit London for the première. “There were photographs everywhere of Akbar with Ali, and talk of what Akbar had done to save the theatre,” Sinden said. “But hed bloody near ruined it.” The show lost money. I spoke to the lead investor, a former boxer named Tony Breen, who told me that the Shamjis ended up owing him thirty-five thousand pounds. Breen suspected that the theatre was “a money-laundering operation.” (A lawyer for Shamji denied this claim, calling it “absurd.”) At the time, Akbar drove around London in a Rolls-Royce Corniche. When things started to get a “bit funky” with the Shamjis, Breen recalled, he suggested that he be given the car, in lieu of payment. But Akbar objected that the Rolls belonged to Abdul, whod never allow it. Akbar “was his father manqué,” Sinden said. (Abdul Shamji died in 2010.)
By the early two-thousands, Shamji had segued into the music business, operating a couple of undistinguished labels in the United States. In the decades since, hes hopscotched from one industry to another. His LinkedIn page is spotty; the Experience section calls him a “thought provoker.” The Web site for a company called *cpec*, which bills itself as a leading player in Indias renewable-energy sector, features a photograph of Shamji shaking hands with [Prime Minister Narendra Modi](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/narendra-modi), and lists Shamji as having been the companys chairman and C.E.O. between 2010 and 2020. But an old shareholder document indicates that *cpec*s board of directors consisted mainly of Shamji and two of his siblings; according to other records I found online, another senior executive was Daniela Karnuts, Shamjis fashion-designer wife. More recently, he has been getting very into [crypto](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/cryptocurrency).
When Shamji was arrested, on suspicion of murder, he was interrogated at Charing Cross Police Station. After the police made clear that they knew he hadnt gone straight home to Mayfair—but had returned to Riverwalk for twenty minutes before descending to look in the river—Shamji said that hed simply forgotten about this part of the evening, though only a week had gone by. (“If Id had a night like this,” one of the officers told him in a subsequent interview, “I would remember it.”)
Shamji didnt volunteer what he and Sharma had spoken about on the phone call that ended three minutes before Zacs jump. He insisted that he had no memory of any calls from late that evening. Why had he returned to the apartment? To say good night, he claimed. When the police asked him *whom* hed said good night to, Shamji initially maintained that hed found Zac in the apartment along with Sharma, and that theyd all hugged before he departed. But, as the investigators knew, this was impossible: Shamji had entered the building ten minutes after Zac landed in the Thames. Alerted to this discrepancy, Shamji shifted his narrative again. Maybe he hadnt actually seen Zac the second time. His memory was foggy.
Shamji was asked to explain the interlude when he went around the Riverwalk building and looked into the Thames. “Its a nice bit of river,” he said. “I sometimes sit there.” Serene spot, picturesque view—as good a place as any for a smoke break at three in the morning. “I spend a lot of time outside,” he said.
The cops pressed: Given how long the promenade is, why had he approached the precise point where Zac had fallen? “It seems a great coincidence to me, and I dont believe in coincidences,” an officer said. When Shamji was asked if hed seen Zacs body in the water, he said that if he had he would have immediately called the police.
Nothing malign had transpired that night, Shamji maintained. Yet he kept behaving like a man with something to hide. “If its not as bad as it looks, then why not tell us what it is?” another officer said. But Shamji continued to stonewall.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a23183)
“Its too late for Greg. The tchotchkes have him now.”
Cartoon by Ellis Rosen
The police, meanwhile, learned about some further deceptions on the part of Dave Sharma. He hadnt slept until 8 *a.m*., as he had claimed. He was up and texting with Shamji by 6:50. When Riverwalks head concierge, Ana Nunes, arrived for her eight-oclock shift, police boats would have been visible through the lobby windows. A colleague told her that Sharma had already called the front desk, asking if there was any indication that somebody had jumped from the building. At 8:10, the front-desk phone rang again, and Nunes answered. “Hi, Ana,” Sharma said, according to a statement by Nunes. “Can you please tell me if someone jumped from the balcony?”
Sharma was calling from Apartment 504. If hed stepped out onto the balcony, or just looked out a window, he likely would have seen the dead body down below. Perhaps he called Nunes to find out whether the police had drawn a connection between the body and the building. Or perhaps Sharma believed that, through some wild coincidence, it was someone elses corpse, and Zac had survived the fall. This might explain why he sent the chauffeur, Carlton, to visit the apartment in Maida Vale that morning.
According to phone records, Shamji and Sharma exchanged messages several times that day. Yet when Shamji met with the Brettlers at the Méridien hotel, three days later, he didnt mention that a corpse had been discovered outside Riverwalk hours after Zac went missing. Nor did Sharma or Shamji alert the police that the victim might have fallen from Sharmas balcony, which would have enabled them to identify Zac—and commence their investigation—four days earlier.
When Sharma was interviewed by police, he responded to dozens of pointed questions with a gruff “No comment.” Although both he and Shamji had been arrested on suspicion of murder, they were released on bail, and were free to go on with their lives. To Matthew and Rachelle, it felt as if, after an initial flurry of activity, the investigation started to lose momentum. “They took their foot off the gas,” Rachelle said. Some of this was likely a consequence of the pandemic, which set in not long after Zac died. The Brettlers may also have contributed, inadvertently, to the diminution in the energies of the London Metropolitan Police by keeping the whole incident relatively quiet. The death itself was not a secret: “I have the saddest news. Our beautiful son Zac died,” Rachelle wrote in a Facebook post. Family and friends turned out in large numbers for a funeral at Hoop Lane, a Jewish cemetery in Golders Green. But the London press, which is insatiable when it comes to the mysterious deaths of young white people, never picked up on the story. No florid *Daily Mail* spread featuring photographs of Zac and Riverwalk; no grandstanding about police inaction. The result was a lack of sustained pressure on law enforcement. And the Brettlers, at least at first, put their trust in the authorities, assuming that the unexplained death of a nineteen-year-old from West London would compel a rigorous investigation.
This faith in the proper functioning of law enforcement and the justice system might seem naïve anywhere these days, but especially in London. In 2014, a fifty-two-year-old resident named Scot Young died in circumstances similar to Zac Brettlers, plunging from a fourth-floor apartment in Marylebone and getting impaled on a wrought-iron railing. Young was a property developer whod become mixed up with unsavory Russian businessmen. Before his death, he told friends and family that he feared for his life. But the Metropolitan Police declared the death unsuspicious; they didnt even dust the apartment for fingerprints. As it happened, a month earlier, a friend of Youngs, Johnny Elichaoff, had died after falling from the roof of a shopping center in Bayswater. Suicide, police had concluded. A vicious killer appeared to be stalking London: gravity. The Russian oligarch Boris Berezovsky had died in 2013, hanging himself, supposedly, at his Berkshire estate, after many attempts on his life by adversaries who wanted him dead. The previous year, another friend of Youngs, Robbie Curtis, whod also become entangled with dodgy Russians, died after falling in front of a Tube train. Two years before that, yet another Young friend, the British developer Paul Castle, was killed (again, by Tube train).
In each case, there were circumstances—debt, drugs, divorce, depression—that made suicide plausible. But the fact of so many sudden deaths over a short period of time involving high-flying London businessmen with Russian connections seemed dubious on its face. The press called the alleged suicides a “ring of death,” but as far as Scotland Yard was concerned they were just a series of unfortunate events. In 2017, BuzzFeed News published a [groundbreaking investigation](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/heidiblake/from-russia-with-blood-14-suspected-hits-on-british-soil) identifying fourteen men “who all died suspiciously on British soil after making powerful enemies in Russia.” According to the report, U.S. intelligence had shared evidence suggesting that numerous deaths being described by the London police as suicides had actually been murders. But a culture of timidity within British law enforcement, combined with weak institutional capacity after years of budget cuts, had shut down investigations. Some people expressed an even darker view: Britain had become so reliant on the largesse of Russias oligarchs that decisions had been made at a high level not to persecute Londons new mafia class, thereby extending to them the courtesy of being able to kill their enemies on British soil with impunity. One national-security adviser to the British government told BuzzFeed that ministers were desperate not “to antagonise the Russians.”
The Brettlers did not view Zacs death as part of an international conspiracy, but they did come to fear that the Metropolitan Police had an inclination to categorize any suspicious death that wasnt obviously a murder as a suicide. Rachelle and Matthew emphasized to me that they harbored no stigma about suicide, and resisted the notion that Zac killed himself only because so many clues pointed to something more nefarious.
They began their own investigation, tracking down friends of Zacs and hounding the police for information, and uncovered additional signs that their son may have been in danger. They spoke to a friend whod seen him two days before he died (and who didnt know about Zacs oligarch persona). The two boys had gone for a drive, and Zac kept fearfully looking over his shoulder. He mentioned that he might have information for the authorities, and was considering going into police protection. I spoke with the friend recently, who asked that I not use his name. “He was being threatened by someone,” he told me. “Apparently, they threatened to harm his family.” Of course, it was difficult to know how seriously to take such talk from Zac, given his propensity for dramatic stories. Nevertheless, police recovered an iPad among Zacs belongings, and discovered that two days before he died he had done an Internet search for “witness protection uk.”
To a degree that his parents didnt fully appreciate, Zacs career as a fabulist started early. Numerous former classmates told me about his inventions. “He made up quite a lot of stuff,” a friend who met Zac at Mill Hill when they were both thirteen said. “He told a lot of people that his mum was dead.” Zac probably concocted this lie for sympathy or attention, the friend ventured. As an insecure new arrival at a school that he had not wanted to attend, he may have discovered that compassion can be a shortcut to intimacy—and that many people will open their heart to a stranger if they hear hes suffered a terrible loss.
Zac also told classmates that he came from money. “Most of the lies related to wealth,” his Mill Hill housemate Andrei Lejonvarn recalled. Zac claimed that his family lived in One Hyde Park, and that his father was an arms dealer who owned a pair of Range Rovers. Lejonvarn was Zacs doubles partner in tennis, and Matthew Brettler once drove them to a tournament. Before Matthew picked them up, Zac warned Lejonvarn that both Range Rovers were in the shop for repairs; his father would be driving a Mazda, and was “very touchy” about it, so Lejonvarn shouldnt under any circumstances mention the Range Rovers. When Lejonvarn, whod been expecting to meet a hardened arms dealer, got in the car, he was surprised by Matthews gently inquisitive manner. “Hes, you know, a nice guy,” Lejonvarn recalled. He said of Zac, “You could smell the bullshit.”
At one point, Zac told Mill Hill classmates that New Balance wanted to sponsor him as a cricket player.
“Youre full of shit!” one of them said.
“Zac, youre a compulsive liar,” Lejonvarn chimed in.
For a moment, Zac seemed genuinely chastened. “I know,” he said. “Im a compulsive liar.” Then he launched into a story about how hed developed the problem after having this terrible accident as a kid.
“No! Zac!” Lejonvarn cut him off. “Youre doing it again!”
When I told Matthew and Rachelle how extensive and long-standing Zacs duplicity seems to have been, Matthew offered the redemptive gloss of a mourning parent. His son, he said, had always had “a slightly preternatural ability to tell stories.” Being a boarding student, Matthew observed, is “a little like when you go to college, living away from your parents for the first time. It dawns on you that youre meeting people who know absolutely nothing about you. Youve got a tabula rasa—a reset point. You feel like youve got a little bit of editorial control in a way that you didnt previously. I think thats what happened with Zac. Being in that boarding environment with people who had this mind-boggling access to money, Zac suddenly saw a space in which he could create another version of himself.”
Another Mill Hill friend told me that Zac would forge quick bonds with people “for a certain moment, and then disappear” as they came to doubt his stories. The friend who saw Zac in London shortly before he died reflected, “If youre lying to your friends, its a bit of a lonely place to be, isnt it?”
Its difficult to say exactly when Zac Brettler graduated from telling classmates fanciful tales to road-testing an alter ego in the more hazardous environment of adult London. Nobody I spoke to from Zacs high schools remembered him pretending to be the son of a Russian or Kazakh oligarch. When did the charade begin? I recently spoke with Mark Foley, who confirmed that he has worked for many years as a consultant for Chelsea Football Club, managing properties. One evening in early 2019, he said, he attended an opening at the Chelsea Arts Club and got to talking with a young man who mentioned that he came from a wealthy Russian family. They agreed to meet for coffee several days later.
Shamji has maintained that Foley introduced Zac to him as Zac Ismailov. It is ironic that Foley vouched for Zacs story, because he is presumably no stranger to the post-Soviet oligarchy, given that Roman Abramovich owned Chelsea for nearly two decades. “From my knowledge of Russian investors, theyre a fairly secretive bunch,” Foley told me. “You didnt always get the full story from them, and they played their cards close to their chest.” Zac, he said, struck him as “one of these types.”
Its tempting to see, in Zacs final year, an echo of Tom Ripley, the sociopathic con man of the [Patricia Highsmith](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/patricia-highsmith) novels, who achieves the life style he covets by preying, brilliantly, on others gullibility. But its startling to think that Foley could have been duped by a London teen-ager whod never so much as vacationed in Russia—and that Zac might have been so reckless as to attempt this trick on precisely the sort of oligarch-adjacent Londoner poised to see through it.
Last December, I wrote to Akbar Shamji. “Zacs death is an event which I do not wish to talk about,” he responded, declining to speak by phone or to meet in person. When I pressed, he wrote that Zac “had built an extraordinary web of lies,” and intimated that it would be insensitive of me to dredge up this sad story, saying that he didnt “feel comfortable” taking Zacs “parents deeper into these wounds.” But in subsequent weeks I e-mailed Shamji various questions, and he replied. His answers were slippery, and he outright ignored many difficult questions, but he was unfailingly, almost ostentatiously, polite.
In early 2019, he told me, he was working with a friend and occasional business partner, John Connies-Laing, on a real-estate project in Lisbon. They needed financing, and Foley offered to introduce them to his new friend Zac. When I asked Shamji if hed bothered to Google Zacs name before the meeting, he responded, “Personal introductions in London are far more trusted than social media, particularly with Eastern Europeans who have to keep a lower profile.” When I asked Connies-Laing about this, he said, via e-mail, “Mark was well connected in the Oligarch world and I had absolutely no reason to think that Zac was not credible.”
According to Shamji, he and Connies-Laing met Zac at a café in St. Johns Wood, and Zac mentioned that hed recently made an offer on a lavish home around the corner, on Hamilton Terrace. Zac was dressed casually, but, Shamji told me, he was convincing in his role. As Shamji explained to police, Zac “talked the life of a very rich young kid—he had fancy watches, fancy cars, planes, all the stuff that is very aspirational wealth in London.” Shamji didnt actually *see* any cars or watches or planes, but he assumed that Zac preferred a more understated mode of presentation. As their friendship solidified, Zac began joining Shamji when he walked his dog. Theyd meet in front of One Hyde Park. Shamji never saw Zac emerge from the building; he was always waiting outside.
The financing from Zacs family for the Lisbon deal never came through, and the project ultimately foundered. But Zac and Shamji pursued other opportunities together. Shamji was cagey when I inquired about the particulars, but I pieced together details in other ways. There had been a notion to sell fibre-optic cable to India. Zac introduced Shamji to the uncle of a friend of his who had the cable and was looking for a buyer. The three men met at the Dorchester, an extravagant hotel favored by Londons status-conscious rich. But, when I spoke to the potential business partner (who didnt want me to use his name), he said that within minutes of sitting down he had the distinct impression that Shamji was “full of shit.” Theyd scarcely ordered tea and scones when Shamji pulled out his phone to show off the photograph of his handshake with Prime Minister Modi. With a sigh, the man told me, “I know too many Akbars.” He was more impressed by Zac: “The frightening thing is, had he actually done some deals, he would have ended up a serious player.”
Another time, Zac arranged a meeting with a family acquaintance, Antony Buck, who in 2015 had sold a skin-care company that he founded to Unilever. Zac and Shamji had alighted on the idea of a line of CBD-infused skin-care products. “Investment into R&D is approaching $20mn across two unconnected facilities,” Zac wrote in a WhatsApp message to Buck, adding that his “partner Akbar” would be joining them for the meeting.
Shamji said little during this encounter, letting Zac hold the stage, and Buck also was impressed. “Zac was very self-possessed and persuasive,” he told me. “He wasnt like someone turning up in his dads suit.” (Buck noted that he took the meeting as a favor, just to offer advice, and considered the R. & D. claim to be sales puffery; he had no further involvement in the project, which petered out.)
If Zac could secure such meetings through his own connections, why go to the trouble of creating a false identity? He may have supposed that hed enjoy quicker entrée to the business world if he came off as a more colorful figure, and he wouldnt have been wrong to think so: in the circles he hoped to run in, an introduction from Mark Foley counted as currency. Some of Zacs friends told me that he bragged to them about his “Russian connections.” Hed hardly have been the first entrepreneur to embrace a fake-it-till-you-make-it approach. But, as Matthew and Rachelle began tabulating their childs deceptions, it became clear that he hadnt merely traded on an exotic identity; hed also been pretending to have a giant fortune.
Shamji has provided mutually incompatible answers about what he understood Zacs background to be. He told me, via e-mail, that Foley had introduced Zac as “a very wealthy young man whose father had died.” In 2019, he told the police that when he first met Zac the story was that the oligarch was alive; then, a few weeks into their acquaintance, the father had “some sort of incident with his heart, and Zac had to fly all of a sudden to Switzerland.” After the patriarch supposedly died, Shamji said, Zac started playing pauper, claiming that his mother, in Dubai, was freezing him out of his inheritance. It now seems most likely that Zac, in a chance encounter with Foley at the Chelsea Arts Club, spontaneously told a story about being an oligarchs son, and Foley bought it—allowing Zac to suddenly level up in London society. When he met Shamji, he cemented the persona with a fake surname. Zac doesnt appear to have extracted significant money from Shamji or Sharma, but during their months together he did secure free rent, free meals, and the prospect of various business deals. Like many teen-agers, Zac seems to have lived mostly in the present; he lacked the long-term strategic calculus to pull off a larger grift.
Rachelle and Matthew Brettler. Although they were unaware that Zac had been code-switching between two identities, Matthew says that his son always had “a slightly preternatural ability to tell stories.”
If Zac was indeed engaged in a con, it bears some resemblance to the so-called [Nigerian-prince scam](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2006/05/15/the-perfect-mark), a classic Internet phishing scheme. A swindler poses as a prince who has temporarily lost access to tremendous family wealth and just needs a little money to unlock it. Sometimes the ruse exploits kindness: the mark is moved to generosity on hearing of the princes travails. But more often what animates it is greed: the mark gives money today in expectation of a share of the liberated inheritance in the future. One reason such deceptions are so common on the Internet is that, in the anonymity of cyberspace, theyre generally low risk. Its more dangerous to hoodwink people you know in real life.
One point that has bedevilled Matthew is whether Shamji was duped by this ruse or was somehow in on it. Shamji, in his accounts to the Brettlers, to the police, and to me, has maintained that he believed Zac to be an oligarchs son until the moment he met Matthew and Rachelle, after Zacs death. But Zacs company, Omega Stratton, was registered in his legal name, and I have seen e-mails that Zac sent to Shamji using an address that identified him as Zac Brettler. Moreover, Mark Foley denied introducing Zac to anyone as Zac Ismailov, telling me that hed only ever known him as Zac Brettler. When I suggested to Shamji that he must have known Zac was code-switching between two identities, he responded, “Zac had explained that his father sometimes wanted them to use a different name, because of threats to their lives.” Brettler isnt a common name, but, just as Shamji claims to have never Googled “Zac Ismailov,” he maintains that he did no due diligence on “Zac Brettler.”
“Zac spoke with a mild but distinct Russian accent all the time around me,” Shamji told me. But when I interviewed Antony Buck and the man who met with Zac and Shamji at the Dorchester, both said that they were under no illusions about Zacs identity, because they knew his background. In their presence, Zac spoke with no discernible accent; if he had, they told me, they would have found it bizarre. “Akbar knew *exactly* who he was,” the man from the Dorchester exclaimed. “He was Zac Brettler!”
Shamji told the authorities that he first met Dave Sharma around 2016, at a gym in North London that they frequented. Despite their apparent differences, the two men became friends. Matthew and Rachelle expressed horror to me that Shamji would have introduced their son, then eighteen, to an alleged drug trafficker whod been implicated in a gangland shooting. But Shamji doesnt seem to have experienced any hesitation; he says that he introduced them because Sharma, who lived alone in a big apartment, might be able to offer the temporarily homeless Russian heir a place to stay. According to Shamji, Sharma and Zac became close. They also appear to have explored joint business ventures, though when I inquired about these Shamji again shut down. The phone records the police gathered, however, make clear that Sharma was obsessed with Zacs supposed wealth, and seemingly felt that he deserved a share of it. Before Zacs death, Sharmas embittered entitlement grows acute. “Im thinking fuck this little kid,” Sharma messaged Shamji on the morning of November 28, 2019—Zacs final day.
The digital trails of the three men indicate that a crisis was unfolding. Shamji, whod been in Turkey on business, had just returned to London. He says that he curtailed his trip, in part, because Zac was claiming to be suicidal and in need of help. It seems likely that Zac did speak to the older men about wanting to die. His parents believe that he did so as a bid for sympathy. He was scared, in too deep, and perhaps seeking compassion, just as he had been when hed lied as a student. He may have pretended to be using heroin for the same reason.
That Thursday, Sharma pushed Shamji to ask Zac “how much hes been given to live on,” also suggesting that they “check his accounts” and “go to a cash machine with his card.” The men dont appear to have carried out this plan, but if they had they would have been in for a surprise. After Zacs death, Matthew checked his sons bank statement: there were only four pounds in his account. In another message, Sharma said, “Akbar I want 5% of that 205 million and thats it.” When I asked Shamji what Sharma meant by this, he replied, “I had heard those chaps talking about big numbers and big deals. I really dont remember all the details.” The messages imply that Zac had enlisted Sharma in an effort to restore his notional lost fortune, and that Sharma now wanted a substantial commission in return. The fact that there was no fortune appears to have started dawning on Sharma the night that Zac died.
The messages also undercut Shamji and Sharmas claims that the evening at Riverwalk had centered on a solicitous conversation in which they and Dominique, Sharmas daughter, offered to help Zac quit heroin. The situation was clearly more volatile. At 10:35 *p.m*., Shamji texted a friend of his named Mervin Sealy, sounding agitated. “I have just been heating up knives and clearing up blood,” he wrote. A few minutes later, he followed up with a voice message to Mervin: “Im not fucking around, nigger, come to fucking Pimlico and pick up this fucking car and drop me home, bro.” He added, “Shits about to go wrong. Wrong!”
By the time police disclosed these messages to the Brettlers, nearly two years had passed since Zacs death. Theyd often felt isolated in their anguish. “I was living on that balcony with Zac, in my head,” Rachelle told me. “I literally had a stomach ache for months after he died, because youre having to digest grief.”
But, even as the authorities were starting to imply that it might be impossible to know what happened that night, Matthew and Rachelle were developing their own working theory. As they saw it, Zac may not have been pushed from the balcony, but he didnt commit suicide, either. Hed been left alone in the Riverwalk flat with Sharma, who was furious with him, having presumably learned that there might be no fortune to plunder. It seemed harrowingly clear to the Brettlers that there was danger in that apartment, and that Zac had felt he could not escape it by walking out the front door.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27536)
“Now Im going to tell you about the passenger who *didnt* put their tray in the upright and locked position.”
Cartoon by Drew Dernavich
One night not long ago, I visited the promenade that runs between the Riverwalk building and the Thames. The lights of the M.I.6 building were mirrored in the water, and traffic coursed across Vauxhall Bridge. I gazed up at Apartment 504, its windows dark, the curving balcony projecting over the walkway. Suddenly, the scenario that the Brettlers had outlined seemed all the more plausible. The balconys lip doesnt extend far enough that you could jump straight down to the river. To reach the water, youd have to leap outward six or eight feet—a feasible distance from a height of five stories. When Matthew and Rachelle spoke about their sons final moments, Matthew sometimes brought up a memory of how bouncy and athletic Zac had been as a child, how hed jump down the stairs in one audacious lunge. If Zac had intended to kill himself, the surest way to do it would have been to drop straight down onto the promenade. Its a long balcony, and he jumped from the point that was closest to the river.
Matthew told me about a conversation hed once had with a man who attended West Point: “He said, You know, the Marines is full of nineteen-year-old kids who think that bullets bounce off their chests. Its that sense of impregnability. They dont appreciate danger in the way that a more mature mind does.” Zac didnt jump off the balcony to die, his parents concluded, but to live. It was a desperate gesture but also a bravura one, the sort of escape youd see in a “Mission: Impossible” movie. And Zac might have even succeeded in making a Hollywood getaway—had his hip not clipped the embankment.
The Brettlers are certain that whatever awaited Zac in that apartment was more terrifying to him than the prospect of a five-story drop. And, if this version of events were true, then Dave Sharma would have a great deal to answer for. But by the end of 2020 Sharma was dead.
Riverwalk was built by the London property impresario Sir Gerald Ronson, who was convicted in 1990 on charges of conspiracy, false accounting, and theft in connection with a stock-fraud case; he did a stint in prison, and then in 2012 was made a Commander of the British Empire for his philanthropic work. “Imagine the parties you could throw here,” he told an interviewer from the *Evening Standard* in 2016, when construction was completed.
Just as there were no press accounts of the boy who plunged to his death from Apartment 504, there is no report on the Internet acknowledging a second death, a year later, in the same apartment. One day in December, 2020, Matthew was at home in Maida Vale when he got a call from Rory Wilkinson, the lead detective investigating Zacs case. “Verinder Sharma has been found dead in his apartment,” Wilkinson said. Matthew inquired about the circumstances: Was it a suicide? A murder? A murder that looked like a suicide?
It was a drug overdose that might have been a suicide, Wilkinson said, adding that Sharmas case was being treated as “not suspicious.” When Matthew pushed for details, Wilkinson gave an odd reply. “He said, Im being kept sterile from the investigation,’ ” Matthew recalled. According to Wilkinson, it would represent a conflict of interest for the people investigating Zacs death to know too much about the subsequent death—in the same location—of the man whod been their prime suspect. “The police told us, You need to give Sharmas family privacy,’ ” Rachelle recalled, with a tremor of indignation. To this day, Sharmas death remains “completely mysterious,” Matthew said. “Was there a postmortem carried out? Was there an inquest?” Authorities have refused to say. (Several former law-enforcement officers I spoke to expressed bafflement when I outlined this turn of events, and said that the lack of transparency about Sharmas death is highly unusual and not justified by any tenets of traditional policing.)
The demise of Sharma eliminated a key witness in Zacs case, and by the time the pandemic subsided, in 2022, the Brettlers were feeling acute dissatisfaction with the handling of the official inquiry. “I have no experience, it goes without saying, of conducting serious crime investigations,” Matthew said. “But I find the approach adopted by the police to be completely mind-blowing.” The investigators conceded that Shamji surely knew more about the circumstances leading up to Zacs death than he was letting on. Yet they never deployed any leverage to push him into being more forthcoming. Prosecutors could have charged him with perverting the course of justice in the investigation; instead, they greeted his pattern of unabashed prevarication with an existential shrug.
Indeed, the cops had repeatedly signalled an impulse to chalk the case up as the suicide of a troubled kid. When they searched the Riverwalk apartment a week after Zacs death, they discovered blood-like smears in one of the bedrooms and on a sink—but they never bothered forensically testing them, because they had already concluded that thered been no “obvious physical assault.” On recovering highly suggestive texts, they did not take basic investigative steps to flesh out their implications. The police never contacted Carlton, the chauffeur who showed up in Maida Vale; or Mark Foley, who introduced Zac to Shamji; or Shamjis wife, Daniela Karnuts, who, according to his police interview, had met him at the door when hed arrived home late that night.
Matthew told me that one of the strangest aspects of their ordeal had been trying to determine whether the officials curious behavior reflected incompetence or something darker. Arrest reports arent considered public documents in England, and when the family asked for a copy of Sharmas criminal record the authorities declined to furnish one. When I requested information from the Metropolitan Police about Sharmas death, they told me only that it was “not suspicious.” Matthew, after discovering old press accounts of Sharmas apparent involvement in the drive-by shooting of Muscles, wondered whether Sharma might have been a police informant. If he had, that could explain the oddly curtailed investigation of Zacs death. Despite being implicated in a notorious shooting, Sharma had somehow returned to England and not been charged. Matthew told me hed always trusted police to investigate in “good faith,” but their conduct in this inquiry was “difficult to square with that.”
In February, 2022, Matthew and Rachelle met with Detective Inspector Wilkinson and one of his colleagues, at Hammersmith Police Station. Matthew recorded the meeting, with permission. When he asked if Sharma had been an informant, Wilkinson said, “I have no idea.” If this were true, he noted, it would have been a closely compartmentalized secret. But he gave no indication that hed met interference on that ground.
The Brettlers had prepared detailed questions, and Wilkinson was clearly uncomfortable with the forensic tenor of Matthews cross-examination. “We have put in a lot of work into this with a lot of people,” he said. At one moment, Wilkinson joked, pointedly, that it felt like *he* was being interrogated.
Matthew asked Wilkinson if police had interviewed Mervin Sealy, the friend Shamji texted about “heating up knives and clearing up blood.”
They hadnt, Wilkinson said, because “Mervin wasnt there.”
“I find that astonishing,” Matthew said. “You dont interview the guy?”
“The trouble is, he doesnt know whats going on,” Wilkinson objected.
“We dont *know* that!” Matthew exclaimed. “We havent asked him!”
Rachelle maintained a more reserved demeanor, but she, too, had been obsessively researching the case, and she was no less affronted. “In the first year or so, weve just been dazzled with the shock of Zacs death,” she told Wilkinson and his colleague. “The second year, were hoping to get a response.”
On some level, Wilkinson seemed to endorse the Brettlers theory of the case: Zac had given the false impression to people that he “stood to inherit an awful lot of money,” and “that story was beginning to unravel.” He told them explicitly that he believed Shamji had lied to investigators. But the Brettlers felt that the police had a tendency to blame the victim: the message was that, however Zac died, it was in circumstances of his own making. “Hed gone in way over his head,” Matthew allowed to me. “But I dont think that means he deserved what came to him.” Maybe it was suicide after all, Wilkinson suggested. But the one thing he knew for certain was that he didnt have enough evidence to support a murder prosecution. It appeared that the police could tolerate a degree of ambiguity about what had transpired, even if the grieving parents could not. The problem, Wilkinson concluded, feebly, is that “we cant force anyone to tell us what happened.” (The Metropolitan Police declined to address specific questions about the case. A spokesperson expressed, via e-mail, “sincere condolences” for Zacs family. Investigators had explored “every possible hypothesis,” the spokesperson continued, but “were not able to provide fuller answers.”)
One afternoon in December, I met Rachelle for tea in central London, and afterward she proposed a walk around Mayfair. We headed to 52 Berkeley Square, supposedly Shamjis former business address. It was an attractive five-story building fronted by a wrought-iron fence. At the entrance, Rachelle brought my attention to a panel featuring twenty-five buzzers for different businesses. Either the accommodations were very crowded inside or this was all sleight of hand—an illustrious address functioning as a mail drop.
We headed toward Mount Street, passing the Connaught Hotel, a sumptuous heirloom of the British aristocracy now owned by the ruling family of Qatar. “During *covid*, we did quite a lot of biking, and we used to come and bike along this street,” Rachelle said. “Once, I saw Akbar outside that hotel, on his phone.” I asked whether, consciously or not, shed been looking for him. She acknowledged that she had been. In the years since Zacs death, shed haunted this corner of London. “Sometimes I wondered if I would see Daniela,” she said, referring to Karnuts, who has reared two children with Shamji. “I knew what I would say to her,” Rachelle added, her voice thickening, her eyes rimmed with tears. “ Im Zacs mum. As a mother, is there anything you can tell me about what happened that night?’ ” (Karnuts did not respond to repeated requests for comment.)
Any time there is a death in the United Kingdom in which the cause is unknown or apparently unnatural, the authorities are obliged to hold a public inquest. On December 13, 2022, Rachelle and Matthew filed into Poplar Coroners Court, a brick building with a grim interior, and walked past an ancient sign that read “*do not spit*” and announced a penalty of forty shillings. They were accompanied by Rachelles brother, David, and three friends who had joined them for moral support. Earlier that year, the Crown Prosecution Service had officially declined to prosecute Shamji, explaining that, because the state couldnt prove an underlying crime, it didnt make sense to pursue ancillary charges against someone who might have obstructed the investigation. In a Kafkaesque sequence of correspondence, the Brettlers sought an appeal, called a Victims Right to Review, but were denied, on the ground that they werent victims. When they requested a meeting with prosecutors to discuss this denial, they received a letter that said, “Sadly, a meeting cannot be offered to you as these are only provided to families who have been bereaved through homicide.”
Three years had passed since Zacs death. The inquest would be presided over by a coroner, but the coroner would function rather like a judge, hearing evidence and delivering a ruling. And the proceedings would be adversarial: the Brettlers were accompanied by a lawyer, Alexandra Tampakopoulos, who could cross-examine witnesses. Police officers testified. Statements from a paramedic and from a Riverwalk doorman were read aloud. A pathologist explained that he was brought in after a doctor whod begun an autopsy concluded that some of Zacs injuries, including the broken jaw, indicated possible foul play. But the pathologist was willing to attribute the broken jaw only to a hard impact. The injury could have been caused by water or by a fist—it was impossible to say.
“Zac was a nineteen-year-old boy who was trying to work out his place in the world,” Rachelle said, in a written statement. “He wanted a big life, full of status, wealth, and power. . . . Unfortunately, he was living this lie, and creating a dangerous situation for himself.” Matthew also contributed a statement, in which he described meeting, in February, 2022, with an employee from Riverwalk—where, evidently, discretion is a core amenity. The employee recalled that a colleague had actually recognized Zacs corpse on the riverbed, but had warned him “not to share that information with anybody.” (My efforts to reach the colleague were unsuccessful.)
By this point, Dave Sharma was dead, but his daughter, Dominique, was called as a witness, and testified by video. Dominique (who declined my request for an interview) has worked in real estate in London. “My dad basically was not a very active parental role in my and my siblings lives,” she told the coroner. She had developed a close relationship with him nonetheless, and hed introduced her to Zac. Like her father, shed believed that Zac was “from a very wealthy Russian family.” Sharma had bonded with Zac in a short period of time, and, she said, sometimes invited him to join the family for Sunday lunch. Dominique told the same story that Shamji had about Zac admitting to heroin abuse at Riverwalk. She insisted that the evening had ended without acrimony, and said that when she left the apartment her father was asleep.
How did she account for the phone call that hed made to her right after Zac jumped? A “pocket dial,” Dominique said. But, as one police constable noted, “this call lasts for 03 minutes and 28 seconds, making it too long in duration to be likely that this call was a pocket dial or unanswered call.”
Roughly thirty minutes after that call ended, Dominique telephoned Sharma. He didnt answer. “Why are you calling him at two-fifty-nine in the morning?” Tampakopoulos asked.
“Probably just because I was, I dont know, a bit worried,” Dominique said.
She was also asked about a text that her father sent her at 6:41 *a.m*., more than half an hour before Zacs body was discovered. “Dom, let them know they all better tread carefully around me,” Sharma wrote. “I will take no prisoners to protect my family.” As Dominique pointed out, Sharma often rambled in texts, sometimes to the point of incoherence. But the thrust of this message seemed clear: he was a man to be feared, and would lash out at those who crossed him.
“I dont even remember that,” Dominique said.
When the coroner asked her about Zacs mental health, Dominique replied that she thought hed been suicidal. This incensed the Brettlers: Dominiques dubious testimony on the events at Riverwalk should have called her credibility into question; instead, the coroner was soliciting her amateur—and hardly disinterested—opinion about Zacs state of mind. In Matthews assessment, Dominiques contributions were “bullshit from start to finish.” (Dominique, through a lawyer, told *The New Yorker* that her testimony was entirely truthful.)
Another statement came from Roger Howells, the psychiatrist whod evaluated Zac in January, 2018. The doctor said something that surprised me. Rachelle and Matthew had told me that Zac had become obstreperous and even menacing toward them, but Howells mentioned several incidents of physical aggression. One involved Zac “losing his self-control in an argument and throttling his mum.”
This revelation made me wonder, not for the first time, how clearly the Brettlers had perceived the severity of their childs situation. Were they inattentive? Joe Brettler told me that his relationship with his brother had been competitive, and sometimes testy. But, like his parents, hed regarded Zac as a casual “bullshitter” rather than as a pathological charlatan. Siblings often know things about each other that their parents do not, but Joe had no inkling of the Ismailov persona.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27444)
“This winged toddler is a ringer!”
Cartoon by Maggie Larson
In my wrenching conversations with the Brettlers, Id been struck by the frank manner in which they discussed Zac and his problems, without any reflex to uphold appearances. According to the psychiatrists report, Rachelle said that Zac had choked her “more in rage than in earnest.” When I asked her about the encounter, she said that shed been alone with Zac, and that they had been having a familiar spat, in which he insisted that the family should buy a nicer car or move to a nicer home. She told him curtly, “Thats not happening,” adding that he sounded “spoiled,” and suddenly his hands were around her throat. “Im five foot four, and hes nearly six foot, and I dont understand where this anger has come from, and I dont feel good and I dont feel safe,” she told me. After that incident, she insisted that Zac see the psychiatrist, and “it lanced something,” she said: he was never violent with her again.
In Shamjis e-mail responses to me, the empathy that he claimed to feel for the Brettlers was undercut by the biting tone in which he sometimes referred to them. “The fact is that Zac was somehow so tormented by them and his life that he would do anything to escape,” he wrote. On another occasion, he said, “I know its hard for his parents to accept how much he hated them and the lengths he went through to try and make a new persona. Finally he couldnt live with himself or his lies.”
Zac, in his session with the psychiatrist, said that he found his parents “controlling,” but the opposite seems to have been true: the Brettlers gave their son an enormous amount of freedom and trust—much more, they now feel, than they should have. Shamjis insinuation that Zac was driven by hatred for his parents to invent an alter ego and, ultimately, to kill himself is malicious and self-serving, but the tragedy has forced the Brettlers to ponder the origins of their sons instability and resentment. “Ive spent my life—my childrens lives—trying to fix anything I could fix for them,” Rachelle told me. When I informed her that Zac had told classmates, at thirteen, that his mother was dead, I worried that it would be painful for her to hear. Like any mother and son, they had their ups and downs, Rachelle told me. But she was close with Zac, or had felt that she was. On summer breaks, they sometimes travelled to New York. “We would have fun,” she said. Theyd bike around the city, and shed take Zac to play tennis at Randalls Island. “He might say that he hated me,” she said. “But we had a real relationship.”
The star witness at the inquest was Akbar Shamji. He no longer lived in London, and hed become the C.E.O. of a crypto company, Bitzero. In the spring of 2022, hed announced grand plans to convert a complex of Cold War-era missile silos in Nekoma, North Dakota, into a crypto-mining facility. Bitzeros North American headquarters would be in the state, Shamji promised at a press conference, noting, “Were torn between Fargo and Bismarck.”
When I asked Shamji where, precisely, he lives these days, he was vague. “Work keeps me travelling a lot in the US, Canada and Scandinavia,” he wrote, adding, “I spend time in London also.” His plans for the crypto mine dont appear to have come to fruition. (Bitzero has a new interim C.E.O., Carl Agren, who told me that Shamji was asked to resign in September.) In a recent press release, Shamji was identified as the chief executive of yet another company, DarkByte, which bills itself—in language so laden with jargon that it cannot be explicated—as having something to do with A.I. (Marc Sinden, whom the Shamjis hired at the Mermaid Theatre back in 1993, summarized Akbars modus operandi for me as “Big announcement, and then fuck all.”)
Shamjis children, who knew Zac, are both active on social media, and Rachelle, with a touch of masochism, sometimes scrolls through their Instagram feeds, gazing at pictures of the smiling family. There is even a dedicated account for the Weimaraner, Alpha Nero. Of course, social media is just another stage for confected personas, but it has been frustrating for Rachelle to see Shamji simply move on. In one e-mail, he told me that, for him, “the matter is closed,” implying that all this was ancient history. Akbars son, who is now about the age that Zac was when he died, is a successful model. A photograph on Instagram shows Akbar, wearing a leather jacket and a big grin, in the fragrance department of a store, pointing to his sons face on a big advertisement for a Tom Ford *parfum*.
Shamji beamed into the inquest from a hotel room. His hair was long now, and fell around his shoulders. He swore to tell the whole truth and nothing but, then launched into the same tale hed told before. “I wasnt a chief protagonist,” he insisted. “It wasnt my apartment or my drug addiction.”
Tampakopoulos said, “What the family wants is for you to tell us the truth. And you dont need to be worried about Mr. Sharma. Hes no longer with us.”
But Shamji was as amnesiac as ever. He claimed to have no memory of his own texts. One message that Sharma had sent Shamji, at 4:30 *p.m*. on Zacs final day, said, in reference to Zac, “Hes not allowed to runaway now, hes in to do with us.”
“Thats just the way Sharma used to talk,” Shamji said. “ Us was like a royal we to him. It wasnt me and him, it was him and the world.”
Other answers were farcical. Asked to explain his text to Mervin about “clearing up blood,” Shamji said, “Its not like blood, as in out of your vein.” He elaborated, “ Blood is a more earthy, street-y way of saying bro.’ ” He hadnt been clearing up blood. Hed “been clearing up, *blood*.” (Mervin did not respond to my requests for comment.)
Shamji testified for hours, his voice sonorous, his tone vaguely patrician. Sometimes he leaned into his purported sympathy for Zacs parents and brother. At other times, he exhibited mild impatience with the proceeding. The coroner, Mary Hassell, conveyed a similar eagerness to get the whole thing over with, frequently cutting off Tampakopoulos. “I appreciate that Zacs parents have all of these unanswered questions,” she said. But only two people knew exactly what happened in the flat before Zac jumped, she continued, “and neither of them is here today.”
Matthew interrupted to point out that Shamji had come back to the apartment minutes after Zac jumped. “So if anybody on this planet who is still alive had any capacity to share with Rachelle and me what happened and why it happened, that person is Mr. Shamji,” he said.
But this was an inquest, not a criminal trial, and the coroner implied that the Brettlers were trying to get something from the proceeding that it wasnt equipped to provide. To Matthew and Rachelle, who by now had become attuned to the obdurate implacability of British authorities, the coroners response was maddening: this was their final opportunity to ascertain the truth. After two days of testimony, the coroner issued an “open” verdict, meaning that she wouldnt rule on whether the death was a suicide or suspicious. “I cant speculate,” she said. “I dont know what happened.”
Although Zacs death remained, officially, an unsolved mystery, the inquest succeeded in stripping away ambiguities around several key elements of the case. According to the coroner, the evidence showed that Shamji had almost certainly known Zac had gone off the balcony, and that when Shamji peered over the river wall he was “looking for Zac.” She also concluded, on the basis of the testimony and the retrieved text messages, that “Zac was obviously scared” before he died.
And, in one stray moment, Shamji let something slip. Asked about the message in which Sharma said, “Akbar, I want 5% of that 205 million,” Shamji said, “This would be because Zac had promised.” He went on, “Zac was always promising huge sums of money, and I pretty clearly told Sharma . . . I told him more than once that I dont think theres any golden pot at the end of that rainbow.”
One reason that its so difficult to know what happened at Riverwalk is that Zac was by no means the only impostor in the apartment that night. Dave Sharma was a leg-breaker posing as a benevolent mentor. Akbar Shamji was a dilettante posing as an accomplished entrepreneur. And Zac was just a London kid, posing as the son of an oligarch. Each was pretending to be something he wasnt, and each was caught up in the glitzy, mercenary aspirational culture of modern London. On a cold morning, I took a brisk walk through Regents Park with Matthew. He was talking about his disappointment in the official investigation and describing how, for him and Rachelle, the past four years have been a dark journey of discovery. With time, and with endless probing, they have come to understand more fully the life of their son. They have also come to see their city in a very different light. “Its been eye-opening for us,” Rachelle told me. “This whole world we did not know about, this underworld that exists on our doorstep.” As Matthew and I walked, he muttered, “Sometimes it really makes me hate London. It makes me want to leave.”
We talked about Zacs deceptions, and Matthew suddenly brought up a podcast hed listened to about [Bob Dylan](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/bob-dylan). “I didnt realize that Dylan would tell people he ran away to join the circus at the age of thirteen,” he said. “Im not trying to equate Zac with Dylan in terms of talent. But there are a lot of people out there who have created a fantasy existence for themselves, and it hasnt prevented them from operating in the real world when their feet finally hit the ground.”
One day in the summer of 2019, the Brettlers attended a birthday party for Matthews mother, in South London. Joe and Zac came, and everyone was in good spirits. But Zac said that he needed to leave early. He had recently moved into Riverwalk, and he told his parents that later, when they were about to cross Vauxhall Bridge, they should call him. When the party was over, Matthew, Rachelle, and Joe drove north, telephoning Zac on the way. As they crossed the bridge, they looked up at the Riverwalk building, and there was Zac, alone on the fifth-floor balcony, a tiny figure, waving. ♦
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# A racial slur and a Fort Myers High baseball team torn apart - ESPN
*This story has been corrected. Read below*
## ACT I: ERUPTION
**ON APRIL 6, 2023,** at Terry Park in Fort Myers, Florida, the Fort Myers High Green Wave and Estero Wildcats met as part of the annual Battle of the Border, the in-season tournament between Lee County high school baseball teams.
Tate Reilly batted leadoff that day. The Fort Myers senior outfielder was surprised by the plum assignment. He had been on the varsity two seasons and batted in the bottom third of the order. Leading off should have buttressed the even better news he held in his heart: He received an offer to play at Albertus Magnus College, a Division III school in New Haven, Connecticut. He would soon be a college player, and receiving a firm scholarship represented a vindication of the hard work he'd put into a difficult game.
Madrid Tucker was to bat second. Tucker's father is Michael Tucker, who was the 10th overall pick by the Kansas City Royals in the 1992 draft. Tucker played for seven teams over a 12-year big league career, appearing in the National League Championship Series three times. Just a sophomore, Madrid played varsity as a freshman and already had been offered a dozen scholarships to play baseball, some at Power 5 schools. Six-foot tall and widely considered by his coaches to be the most promising player on the team, Madrid Tucker played in the prestigious Hank Aaron Invitational, the joint MLB/Players Association tournament in Vero Beach, Florida, designed to develop and increase the shrinking number of Black players in the majors. He was a high-level prospect, a three-sport star on a trajectory for Division I or the Major League amateur draft by the time he graduates. According to one national prep tracking service, in 2023 he was ranked second at shortstop in talent-rich Florida and 75th overall in the nation.
While Madrid stood in the on-deck circle taking practice cuts, Reilly saw two pitches. On the second, Robert Hinson, the Fort Myers third-base coach -- his coach -- walked off the field. Seconds later, two more coaches and at least nine Fort Myers players followed out of the dugout. One player walking off the field said, "I'm out," to which Hinson added, "I'm out of here."
As the players headed for the parking lot, chaos ensued. According to later testimony, some parents and fans in the bleachers "began applauding, cheering and fist-bumping the players walking out." One Fort Myers administrator who witnessed the walkout and ensuing cheering called the scene "so selfish ... an injustice to the kids." She would later tell investigators, "This is just sickening."
![](https://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2024%2F0401%2Fr1312914_2_880x880cc.jpg&w=180&h=180&scale=crop&location=origin)![](https://a2.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2024%2F0401%2Fr1312917_1126x1126cc.jpg&w=180&h=180&scale=crop&location=origin)
In the parking lot, adults traded insults. John Dailey, a hulking man identified in one video, approached Tate Reilly's mother, Melanie, and told her, "I'm going to pray for the evil in your heart to go away." Police arrived. As various onlookers began taking cellphone video, the sound of metal baseball cleats crunching against the pavement best told the story: Led by their adult coaches and supported by their parents, members of the Fort Myers high school baseball team quit a game and left their two teammates, Reilly and Tucker, who happened to be the only two players of color on the team, alone on the field.
Xavier Medina, an assistant coach for Estero, watched from across the diamond. In all his years coaching youth sports, he had never seen a team abandon its own players. As the bizarre scene unfolded, he was witnessing the antithesis of what sports were supposed to be about. The cliches of teamwork and togetherness were collapsing in real time. Players wearing the same uniform were not united against Estero. They were divided against themselves. His second conclusion was even worse: The walkout did not appear to be a reckless act concocted by teenagers, but rather orchestrated and blessed by coaches and parents. The kids were taking the lead from the grown-ups.
"In my mind, yes, the adults were behind it," Medina said. "If that were my team and we saw the players doing that, we would have immediately asked what they were doing and why. And we would have told them to go back to playing baseball. But here's why I don't think it was the players' idea: When they started walking off of the field, not a single adult, parent or coach, tried to stop them. Not one."
![](https://a2.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2024%2F0401%2Fr1312918_1819x2215cc.jpg&w=148&h=180&scale=crop&location=origin)
**THE WALKOUT RESULTED** in the cancellation of the remainder of the baseball season; multiple local and state investigations; the resignation, firing or reassignment of virtually every coach and school administrator involved with the incident; and two federal discrimination lawsuits, one filed in February by the Tucker family and another in early April by the Reillys. It was the product of simmering fractures within the Fort Myers baseball community that had been allowed to fester long before the first pitch of the season.
The avalanche of broken relationships within this baseball community at Fort Myers High -- a school considered the "crown jewel" of the Lee County high schools -- served as a microcosm for a polarized country: the small handful of Black players on both the junior varsity and varsity felt hostility within the baseball environment, and many of the white parents, whose children comprise an overwhelming majority at both levels, insisted it was they who have endured unfair treatment -- because they were white.
ESPN interviewed Fort Myers High parents, reviewed three completed school district investigation reports into the baseball team -- a state investigation is still pending -- along with hundreds of pages of school personnel records of coaches and administrators and bodycam footage from the Fort Myers Police Department, all acquired via Freedom of Information Act requests, as well as cellphone footage from the walkout. Before the Tucker and Reilly families filed their lawsuits, Rob Spicker, assistant director, media relations and public information for the school district of Lee County, declined all requests to be interviewed or to make any employee of the school district of Lee County -- administrators, or coaches -- available for comment. "Our comment is the report speaks for itself," Spicker told ESPN in September. Two active members of the Lee County School Board, Melisa Giovannelli and Jada Langford-Fleming, also declined to be interviewed. After the lawsuits were filed, Spicker declined subsequent interview requests from ESPN, citing ongoing litigation. John Dailey, one of the adults who encouraged the walkout, declined to comment when approached by ESPN in April. The parents of three players who participated in the walkout also declined to be interviewed by ESPN.
While many team issues fell under the common soap opera of high school sports -- a nationwide epidemic of meddling parents and overbearing coaches, the unending battle between fair participation and winning at all costs -- virtually the entirety of the grievances that destroyed the 2023 baseball team can be traced to two specific areas: the internecine racial history of Fort Myers, and, more urgently, the enforcement of conservative mandates playing out in education in Florida and around the nation.
The baseball team provided an explosive stage even before last season began. Untrusting of the overall competence and values of the coaching staff, one white player quit the team before the season started. Another Black player, unconvinced varsity head coach Kyle Burchfield would give him a fair chance to compete and wary of the racial attitudes of Burchfield's second-year assistant coach Alex Carcioppolo, chose not to try out at all.
Another parent would tell school district investigators that in 2022, a white player on the junior varsity said he "wanted to punch those two n-----s in the face," referring to two of his Black teammates. When some parents -- both white and Black -- complained first to Chris Chappell, the head junior varsity coach, and later to Burchfield, Burchfield told investigators he successfully handled the incident. Parental sources said otherwise, that the coaches left the wound undressed. One source said Carcioppolo told the players and their parents to "get over it." The N-word, he reportedly reasoned, was "just a word." Carcioppolo, the source concluded, was frustrated that an oversensitive country was just making everything worse. In January 2023, Michael Tucker says he and his wife, Dee, met with Burchfield to tell the coach they did not want Carcioppolo associating with their son. Burchfield, they say, did nothing.
By allowing issues to simmer, several people associated with the situation thought the coaches already had lost control of the team. "Had they dealt with it a year ago," one white parent said, "all the things that happened would have never happened."
![](https://a1.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2024%2F0401%2Fr1312919_2021x1349cc.jpg&w=269&h=180&scale=crop&location=origin)![](https://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2024%2F0401%2Fr1312921_1046x947cc.jpg&w=199&h=180&scale=crop&location=origin)
## ACT II: FRACTURES
**THE FIRST FRACTURE** of the season occurred Feb. 14, 2023, a week before Fort Myers' first game. Burchfield sent a routine message into the team group chat regarding upcoming scheduling, to which Carcioppolo responded, "Happy Valentines Day, n---as." The offensive message was either deleted "within seconds," or according to some players, several minutes before Carcioppolo responded, "Yikes," and deleted the text. Carcioppolo said the text was intended for a group of Black military friends and wound up mistakenly on the team group chat, an alibi some parents found flimsy. "If it was for them," Michael Tucker said, "why didn't any of his Black war buddies come to his defense?"
Carcioppolo was fired within 48 hours and, as mandated by state law, the school district opened a Title VI discrimination investigation, named after the section of the 1964 Civil Rights Act that prohibits discrimination in programs and activities receiving federal financial assistance. The viral text likely had been copied and shared dozens, perhaps hundreds, of times before Carcioppolo deleted it, but a certain conventional wisdom raced through the Fort Myers High baseball ecosystem: The Reillys and the Tuckers -- the only two families of color on the team -- had to be the ones who alerted school officials.
Carcioppolo's dismissal immediately was seen by many parents largely through the lens of race: White parents in his defense reasoned that a good man, an Afghan War veteran, Purple Heart recipient and a popular coach, had made an honest mistake and should be forgiven. Only the combination of "political correctness" and the racial pressure of appeasing the "troublemaker parent" pair of the interracial Reilly family and the African American Tuckers prevented Carcioppolo from receiving grace -- and an explosive issue from being quietly resolved by an apology and a second chance.
Furthermore, many white parents and players were enraged that a white coach was fired for using a word Black people used routinely as a figure of speech. It was an unfair racial double standard that galvanized the grievance of the white players and parents. In a group text chat that comprised only the team's seniors, some players argued if Carcioppolo were Black, no one would have cared.
Several players decided the best way to make themselves heard was to boycott the first game of the season in protest unless Carcioppolo was not immediately reinstated. The Tuckers and Reillys were stunned that an adult making a racial slur would be the issue around which the team would unify.
"They don't understand the magnitude within itself. You were going to boycott -- for *this?* That makes you racist," Dee Tucker said. "You don't fight to say Jewish slurs. You don't fight to say LGBTQ words. You don't fight for any other words, but you fight for this one. This one particular word is the one you're OK with because you think we're beneath you."
Burchfield would tell investigators that Carcioppolo's firing was the first time he had heard the word "walkout" around his team. Tate Reilly recalled being asked by his white teammates to join the movement. When he declined, alienation from his teammates ensued.
"It changed the course of the rest of the year compared to what we had in the fall," Tate Reilly recalled. "All of the friendships that we made were kinda on thin ice. All of the relationships with the coaches were on thin ice. It was who you wanted to walk on eggshells around. You didn't have a safe place unless you fit in with the herd. You had to go with what everyone else said, and if you weren't with them, then you were against them."
His isolation increased, he recalled, by his decision to sit in the cafeteria with teammate Madrid Tucker. "As soon as he didn't support boycotting for Carcioppolo, the players and the coaches targeted my son," said Tate's father, Shane. Added Dee Tucker: "Tate was part of the in-crowd until he refused to join the boycott for Coach Alex. Once he started sitting with Madrid, they went after him."
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**CARCIOPPOLO'S FIRING IGNITED** a chain of smoldering racial resentments. Contentious school board meetings, simmering individual tensions between Burchfield and parents, Black and white. Angry white parents believed Carcioppolo's firing should have ended the controversy, but the Reillys and Tuckers refused to, as both families said they were told to "move on." Feeling silenced by the majority only deepened the chasm, Dee Tucker said.
The Green Wave also were losing -- Fort Myers lost its first seven games of the season -- but not all the losses could be attributed to racial turmoil; they were a young team. Still, race and cultural grievance permeated the dysfunction. Some white parents, community members and often Burchfield himself privately pointed to Madrid Tucker as the problem.
Carcioppolo was fired for using the N-word, they reasoned, but Black people used the word frequently and without penalty -- in routine speech and in popular music -- while a white coach had used it and was fired. The anger over use of the word at Fort Myers mirrored conversations and controversies around the country. The word was ubiquitous, and yet a white coach was now unemployed. On the baseball team, Tucker had been heard by several players and coaches using the N-word, just as Carcioppolo had, and they saw his use of the word without sanction an example of a double standard unfair to them. To angry parents, Tucker was proof of an America that punished only white people. A 2022 University of Maryland poll found that half of white Republicans saw "a lot more" discrimination against white Americans over the previous five years. That Tucker at the time was a 16-year-old sophomore and Carcioppolo was a 35-year-old coach did not assuage the collective anger of many parents.
On Feb. 23, nine days after Carcioppolo's text message, Burchfield held a meeting announcing tougher discipline. The following day, Burchfield emailed his zero-tolerance mandate to parents: "If a player strikes out and throws his hands up at the umpire and starts cussing, they will be removed from the game. No excuses. ... Actions will be taken that may look severe, but it is necessary to end the disrespect they have created for themselves, you as parents, our program, and the game of baseball." The email continued: "If any racial slurs are used at any point, the player will be removed from the game and suspended. ... Depending on the manner it was used it could be multiple game suspensions, it could be removal from the team."
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Burchfield concluded his email with a tough love message delivered in all caps: "These steps taken by the coaching staff is FOR THE BOYS." The Tuckers interpreted the message as a vindictive response to Carcioppolo's firing, and now they felt Burchfield was pandering to white parents who claimed Madrid Tucker to be the beneficiary of "reverse racism" while Carcioppolo was a victim of "cancel culture." From the Tuckers' viewpoint, a moment adults could have used to constructively discuss racism was transformed into a weapon against their son.
Burchfield's tough-love message produced an unintended consequence: Instead of treating each other as teammates, players and parents began policing each other's behavior to coaches, each action or inaction proof of unfair double standards. Relations on the team grew so toxic that the school principal, Dr. Robert Butz, decided to place a school administrator in the Fort Myers dugout for every game.
Soon after, Tucker joked with a Black friend on the junior varsity, and while both were in the locker room laughing, Tucker at one point said, "N---a, pay attention." As the two Black kids continued conversing, some white players raced straight to their parents. The parents immediately went to Burchfield, who suspended Tucker for the first four innings of the next game. In another moment, Tucker threw his helmet to the ground during a three-strikeout game. Two teammates with whom Tucker was not particularly friendly engaged him to calm down -- but instead of support, Tucker saw their presence as goading. Words were exchanged. When a player suggested Tucker was all talk, he assured them he wasn't -- investigators reported Tucker told his teammate to "shut the f--- up or imma beat your ass" -- and his response netted him a five-game suspension.
The Tuckers were furious. A five-game suspension was disproportionate to the crime. Two Black kids talking to each other using common language did not constitute "hate speech." The Tuckers argued their son made no racial slur against another race -- he was talking to a friend, speaking the way people of the same race joke with one another. The sanction left the Tuckers with another conclusion: By attempting to suspend their son for 40% of the remaining season, Burchfield and the coaches were trying to make Madrid quit.
"The whole thing didn't make sense to me," Dee Tucker said. "Madrid used the word to another Black kid, and all the white kids ran and told the coach. The kid he said it to wasn't white. It wasn't like he called a white kid a cracker."
Michael Tucker began derisively calling Burchfield's new mandate "The Madrid Rules." In a charged private meeting with the Tuckers, Burchfield, athletic director Steven Cato and an assistant principal, Kelly Heinzman-Britton, Burchfield told the Tuckers that of all the players he'd ever coached, their son was "the worst" at handling his emotions. In the meeting, which Michael and Dee Tucker say they recorded with the room's knowledge and Cato's permission, Michael Tucker said to Burchfield, "No offense to you, Kyle, but how is it that we've been talking about racial issues, big bombshells being dropped for over six weeks, kids have been doing stuff, and the only kids that have been disciplined are the kids of color? How is that?" According to the recorded conversation, Burchfield did not respond to Tucker, nor did any administrator in the room.
Before the suspension was to go into effect, Burchfield was told by Butz that district regulations against the appearance of retaliation prevented Madrid's suspension because the Carcioppolo investigation was not yet complete. That triggered more outrage from white parents: Madrid was receiving "preferential treatment" not because of an ongoing investigation, but because he was Black.
Trust between the Tuckers and Burchfield deteriorated. The Tuckers were once advocates of Burchfield. Four years earlier, they supported his hire. Michael Tucker attended Burchfield's wedding. Michael Tucker now saw Burchfield as duplicitous, assuring the family he was an ally, telling the Tuckers he understood the distinction between colloquial Black speech within the racial group while privately stoking the anger of white parents. Burchfield would confirm Michael Tucker's fear, later telling investigators that Madrid Tucker "dropped the N-word twice, with little to no consequences. It created a caustic environment showing the team there are no consequences to breaking the rules. The district tied my hands throughout the balance of the season."
Burchfield sanctioned Tucker in other ways: extra running, and twice sitting him for the early innings of games. Without a suspension, however, parents believed Madrid received no punishments, which led to players again discussing a boycott of the team.
Burchfield told investigators that on at least two occasions he had heard rumors of walkouts but nothing definite. Cato said the same, telling investigators walkout rumors had been discussed internally at the administrative level, with principal Butz, but no one confronted the players about the purpose of such a move or its consequences. Nor did Cato, Butz or anyone else who was aware of a possible walkout alert the Tucker family that some of Madrid's teammates were planning to target their child with a protest action.
"Do I feel like Fort Myers High School protected my son?" Michael Tucker asked. "No. No, I don't."
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**MEANWHILE, SHANE REILLY** was convinced his son was being targeted by teammates, instigated by the coaches. A month before the walkout, Shane Reilly emailed Fernando Vazquez, a school district investigator, recommending Burchfield be fired as a coach and the "student(s) involved in the malicious targeting of my son to be kicked off the team." School documents contain several emails from Shane Reilly to school administrators demanding action. On April 8, 2023, Shane Reilly emailed Butz and told him he ordered Tate to "call 911 immediately" should he face any threat because "we have little confidence in Fort Myers High School's willingness to protect ALL kids."
There was nothing about Tate Reilly's senior year he would recall fondly. After he refused to support Carcioppolo, many of the white friends he believed he'd made on the baseball team were not friends at all. He increasingly believed Burchfield -- whom he'd known since he was 11 years old -- did not believe in him as a player. "I have nothing good to say about Coach Burchfield," he said.
Tate Reilly's instincts were correct. When his offer from Albertus Magnus was announced, Burchfield celebrated the senior publicly, but privately he held a dim view of Reilly's toughness and raw ability. "He is the slowest outfielder, he has the weakest arm, he's an OK hitter," Burchfield would later tell investigators. "He's going to play Division III baseball. There is no Division III baseball in Florida. A good high school team would beat a Division III school. I tried to help him with Division II schools. No school wanted him. I tried to help him with travel teams. No travel team wanted him." In a separate interview with investigators, Burchfield said he batted Tate Reilly low in the order "because of his speed. He's very slow. He doesn't have the best baseball IQ. When he's on base, he gets picked off. ... He gets signs wrong. It costs us wins."
Burchfield cut an imposing figure: about 6-foot-6, he headed travel teams and boasted his coaching bona fides -- the number of well-known MLB stars he'd played with, and the best calling card of them all: On his Facebook page and lesson sign-up sheets, he listed himself as a scout for the Atlanta Braves.
The Valentine's Day text was compounded by a series of incidents during the season. On April 4, at the apex of his frustration, Shane Reilly began filing what would become three separate complaints that would lead to Burchfield's suspension. One allegation stemmed from a March 10 game against Riverview High School in Sarasota. Burchfield was said to have forcibly redirected Tate Reilly toward the dugout by grabbing him between the neck and shoulder. Another alleged Hinson intentionally provided false information to the coaching staff, which led to Tate being benched. Reilly also alleged his son's baseball glove was stolen in retaliation for not supporting the aborted Carcioppolo boycott.
Shane Reilly's complaints led to Burchfield being investigated for physically confronting a student as well as the two other charges, but players and parents were given no explanation. Per district rules, a person who is the subject of an investigation is temporarily removed with pay from their position.
White players and coaches reached their boiling point. Days earlier, a Fort Myers parent, Krista Nowak Walsh, posted an article on social media from the People magazine website about Mississippi meteorologist Barbie Bassett, who was taken off the air at NBC affiliate WLBT for apparently quoting a Snoop Dogg lyric that translated into the N-word:
"OMG! But if it was the other way around, that person would still be on the air. Just like when a kid on a HS baseball team calls another teammate the N-word, that kid is still on the team, not suspended, etc...but my kid doesn't start because he cussed \[to himself in frustration\]. Can you guess who's white?" 
Throughout the controversy, white parents believed the Tuckers and Reillys were the only voices being heard. In response to a social media post, Nowak Walsh said, "They're only listening to 1 of trouble maker family!"
Nowak Walsh declined to be interviewed by ESPN.
## INTERLUDE: POLITICS
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**ON JUNE 4, 1940,** with Germany having already conquered the Netherlands, France and much of Western Europe, and five weeks from his nation being invaded by the Nazis, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill delivered his greatest oratory, the "We Shall Fight on the Beaches" speech. "We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender," Churchill told the British House of Commons. His famous defiance was broadcast on radio throughout the United Kingdom and would symbolize what would become the resilient Allied effort in World War II.
More than 82 years later, in his November 2022 speech after sweeping to a second term as governor of Florida, Republican Ron DeSantis chose a similar cadence against a dissimilar enemy -- citizens of his own country and the teaching of multiculturalism. "We reject woke ideology. We fight the woke in the legislature. We fight the woke in the schools. We fight the woke in the corporations. We will never, ever surrender to the woke mob. Florida is where woke goes to die."
DeSantis repackaging of one of the world's darkest moments, and by extension conjuring a disturbing parallel between American citizens of different viewpoints and Nazi Germany, came with serious and disturbing implications. The southwest coast of Florida is heavily conservative and Republican, fertile ground for the divisions playing out across the country -- and on the Fort Myers baseball team. A 2021 Pew Research Center study of more than 10,000 adults found that more than half of white Americans do not believe being white provides them societal advantages. Ninety percent of Black Americans surveyed believed white people benefited "a fair amount" from being white.
In the 2016 election, Donald Trump won Lee County by 20 points over Hillary Clinton, and margins of victory of 27.6 and 25.7 points in bordering Charlotte and Collier counties, respectively. In 2020, Trump lost the general election but won Lee County by 19 points, Charlotte and Collier counties by 27 and 25 points, respectively.
In his two gubernatorial races, DeSantis defeated Andrew Gillum by 22 points in Lee County, and in 2022 crushed Democrat and former Florida governor Charlie Crist by nearly 40 points.
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Within that mandate, Florida has taken one of the most prominent and aggressive stances against multiculturalism as often expressed from the nonwhite, non-straight viewpoint -- the "woke ideology," as DeSantis derisively calls it. Across the country, ABC News reported at least 10 states including Florida have passed legislation restricting diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives, with bills introduced in 19 other states. DeSantis had carried a running feud with the Walt Disney Company (the parent company of ESPN) for its opposition to DeSantis' Florida's Parental Rights in Education Act, known publicly as the "Don't Say Gay" bill. The American Civil Liberties Union accused Florida of being one of the states leading the country in classroom censorship after DeSantis signed the "Stop W.O.K.E. Act" -- which prohibits wide swaths of Black history to be taught -- into law. In response, grassroots movements in the state combined with the ACLU of Florida in November to announce Free to Be Florida, which describes itself as "a new coalition aimed at ensuring a safe and accurate learning environment free from government overreach and censorship." PEN America reported in September a 33% increase in public school book bans from two years ago, noting that, "Books about race and racism, LGBTQ+ identities have remained a top target."
"It's an embedded cultural acceptance of racism in this district and community," said Jacqueline Perez, a Fort Myers community organizer. "It is in every aspect of school, work, etc., of a child who is Black or brown in this community that a form of racism is affecting and impacting their lives and well-being." Within a nine-month span in 2015 and 2016, there were two separate incidents of racial images and epithets directed at the North Fort Myers High School baseball coach at the time, Tavaris Gary, who is Black. In 2015, video surfaced showing a previous baseball coach, David Bechtol, taking a sledgehammer to a wall in his home with a drawing of Gary with a noose around his neck. In 2016, the N-word and a swastika were found on a dugout wall at Joey Cross Field. These histories and sentiments permeated the baseball team. Another part of the Title VI investigation into the baseball team was hampered when a white interviewee felt "uncomfortable" being interviewed by two Black district administrators because both happened to be wearing T-shirts whose fronts read "Black History Month."
"This is Florida, and this is Robert-Period-E-Period-Lee County, and they live up to every drop of that name," Gwynetta Gittens said. In 2018, Gittens was elected to Lee County School Board -- she was the first Black person ever to be elected to the school board in the then-132-year history of Lee County. It was a historic achievement that spoke to the deeply entrenched hierarchy of the region. In 2022, she lost her seat. She sees the Fort Myers baseball team as a microcosm of the state and country, the result of the consequences of political rhetoric and polarization.
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"As a Black person and as a leader this was very difficult because there's enough blame on both sides," she said. "Did you used to call each other n----s and b-----s? Yes, you did. Was it right for the coach to talk like that? No, it wasn't. Was it right to walk out on your own teammates? No, it wasn't. Unraveling this to me shows the need for more conversation, more understanding, not less. When I decided to run for school board, I would collect signatures. I would say, 'I'm just asking for your signature to be on the ballot.' People would ask me, 'Are you woke?' They would tell me the schools were teaching hate, and I would say, 'Please give me an example where you think education is teaching children to hate each other.' And now we're here. Kids just want to play flipping baseball."
Baseball would now be part of the culture war. Mark Lorenz, father of Kaden Lorenz and one of the leaders of the Green Wave Booster Club, adopted the language of the civil rights movement while supporting the walkout. Initially, he was disapproving of his son participating but changed his mind as it unfolded.
"Our sons did peaceful, nonviolent protest intended to get people's attention," he said. "They got to a point where enough was enough. I'm not a racist guy, and neither are any of the kids."
Michael Tucker was unmoved by the report's conclusion that race was not central to the protest. "If this was a protest for Kyle, then why didn't they protest the administration? Why didn't they protest the principal, the people making the decisions?" Tucker said. "Who did they take their protest out on? They took it out on the only two Black kids on the team. That's who they directed the protest at."
During her successful 2022 campaign for Lee County school board, Jada Langford-Fleming posted an Instagram video where she stated: "I'm proud to endorse Governor Ron DeSantis' education agenda and put students first. ... I'm running to rid our schools of anti-American critical race theory to ensure our campuses are safe and secure for our kids. I'm running to end woke ideologies and stop the indoctrination of our students." Langford-Fleming declined to comment to ESPN.
Earlier this month, DeSantis signed SB 1264, a bill requiring public schools to start teaching K-12 students in 2026 the "dangers and evils of Communism." "We will not allow our students to live in ignorance, nor be indoctrinated by Communist apologists in our schools," DeSantis said in an April 17 news release, which added that the bill is designed to "prepare students to withstand indoctrination on Communism at colleges and universities."
On his Facebook page, Burchfield, who also taught social studies and economics at Fort Myers, revels in the political divisions by lampooning President Joe Biden. The night of DeSantis' victory speech, Burchfield posted a meme calling DeSantis the "G-GOAT: Greatest Governor of All Time."
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## ACT III: INVESTIGATIONS
**AFTER BASEBALL CAME** a dizzying array of investigations. The school district already had begun a Title VI discrimination investigation following the Carcioppolo text, but sources in the Fort Myers educational community were dubious of Chuck Bradley, the man handling the discrimination case. Some sources were pessimistic about Bradley's ability to conduct a thorough, impartial investigation. One source said Bradley seemed more concerned with being friendly rather than known for his rigorous casework. Gwynetta Gittens did not have an opinion on Bradley's professionalism but was very watchful of a well-practiced Lee County tactic.
"They won't ever admit any wrongdoing, and instead will just quietly reassign people to different jobs within the district," Gittens said.
Led by Fernando Vazquez, the district's office of professional standards then opened an investigation into the walkout by investigating Hinson, the third-base coach. The Tuckers and Reillys retained legal counsel.
As the investigations painted a picture of mounting frustrations and personal grievances that ultimately led to the walkout, two themes emerged from the slew of interviews, text messages and personnel files: the degree to which athletic director Steven Cato knew in advance a protest was imminent but took no initiative to prevent it and how much Xavier Medina's fears were realized; and Cato not only knew and did not act, but the coaches and parents encouraged the walkout and pressured Cato to allow it.
One player told Vazquez that Hinson called him the night before the walkout, and Hinson explained how he planned on guaranteeing a canceled game: He would demote several players to the junior varsity. "He was saying if three seniors walked out, we wouldn't have enough to play," the student told investigators. "I was on the fence. ... I was trying to understand the logic and the reasoning for the walkout. Coach Hinson told us he wouldn't leave us to dry. If one of us walked out, so would he."
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Hours before the game, the player's mother called Keeth Jones -- Jones had been brought in to assist during Burchfield's suspension and her son played basketball for him -- and told him of the call with Hinson. She added that she did not agree with the boycott, that her son did not want to jeopardize his chance to play college baseball.
According to his interview with Vazquez, Jones then told Cato of the walkout. "Cato did not say he would let admin know," he said. "I don't know what he did after I talked to him. I told Cato because of chain of command. He said if they decide to walk to let them go."
When Vazquez asked Cato if any administrators had spoken to the team and warned them of the consequence of a walkout, Cato responded, "No one presented that idea." He said one assistant principal, Kelly Heinzman-Britton, suggested the game be canceled, an idea he told investigators principal Butz rejected. "He said, it would be unfair to cancel a game as it would effect \[sic\] the kids who had nothing to do with it."
Hours before the boycott, Cato called Fort Myers Police Department officer Michael Perry, a former school resource officer at the high school, referring to the game as a "volatile situation." Yet Cato still maintained to investigators he had no previous knowledge the players would walk. When his story wavered, Cato would say there had been "rumors" of a walkout, but nothing definitive.
According to the details in Vazquez's Hinson report, Butz, Cato, Jones and Perry were all alerted in some way during the season of a possible protest action. None of them contacted parents, addressed the potentially striking players or took an action to cancel the game.
"It was like they let our kids walk into a trap," Shane Reilly said.
When it was over, the parent who had originally told Jones of its possibility, called Butz. "I talked to Dr. Butz the next day," she said. "I was embarrassed and sad due to the action of the coach, and admin knew and didn't stop it."
Piece by piece, the plan hatched. Before the first pitch, one Fort Myers player left the dugout demanding a reason from Jones why Burchfield was not coaching the game. Fort Myers assistant principal Toni Washington-Knight sat in the team dugout. As other players began packing their gear, she said to one, "We going to another dugout?" Washington-Knight told Vazquez the player "looked at me and smirked. They started to walk out."
Remaining on the field, Tucker and Reilly watched their teammates and classmates abandon them. Washington-Knight told investigators she urged Tucker and Reilly to remain on the field and "not get caught up in this." When Cato saw Hinson, the coach told him, "I'm going with my guys." Andrew Dailey, identified as a volunteer coach, told Cato: "You need to be a man and stand with us."
For nearly 20 minutes, the parents sparred. Perry ordered the boycotting parents to disperse. According to Fort Myers police bodycam footage, they did not. Dee Tucker and Melanie Reilly were convinced the players and parents did not want to leave. "They walked off the field, but wouldn't leave the park," Melanie Reilly said. "If they wanted to boycott, they should have gotten in their cars and gone home -- but they didn't." Under threat from Perry, the boycotters eventually dispersed. Andrew Dailey's wife was captured on Perry's bodycam footage telling him as she walked to her car: "I know it appears that they're the victims, but I'm going to tell you, we're the victims ... and these boys finally stood up for themselves."
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**NEITHER SHANE NOR** Melanie Reilly had any confidence the long-delayed Title VI report would provide them comfort. When it was finally released July 17, their pessimism was confirmed. Chuck Bradley's heavily redacted 36-page report concluded that "Fort Myers High School administration and baseball program staff did not intentionally discriminate against individuals based on race, color, or national origin," and that "interventions and actions were attempted without regard to individuals' race, color, or national origin." If Bradley did not outrightly contradict his conclusion, he did find "evidence of policy and procedural violations, as well as misapplications including...ineffective and/or inadequate intervention. Throughout this series of incidents, there were multiple attempts to remedy situations and/or address parent and student concerns. However, many of these attempts were not effective in addressing concerns, especially regarding racist comments, the team divide, team relationships, parent relationships and misbehavior."
The Tuckers and Reillys were frustrated by Bradley's interpretation of the 1964 Civil Rights Act that for discrimination to occur, it needed to be intentional. Intentional or unintentional, both families felt their children were harmed by Carcioppolo's text and the racial climate at Fort Myers High.
Adding to the anger of the Reillys and the Tuckers was another of Bradley's conclusions: The bulk of discrimination may have been against white players, additional grist for the culture war. "While the reason for bias was alleged by some to be racially motivated," the report read, "the majority of complaints alleged that the bias was toward those of non-minority status and/or those who are perceived as non-minority."
"They keep telling us this isn't about race, and yet the whole thing began with a racist text message," Shane Reilly said. "How can that be?"
Several supporters of the coaches and school loudly claimed victory. On social media, a poster with the handle Scott Allan wrote: "Sorry but the Tucker's \[parents\] ought to be ashamed of himself. The whole thing was obvious from the get-go." Mark Lorenz, who first did not want his son involved in the walkout and then found himself immensely proud to be a part of it said: "They found the coaches did nothing wrong. It was a witch hunt." In the comments section on Burchfield's Facebook page, Lorenz posted a face-palm emoji, adding, "All that for nothing and EVERYONE already knew."
Burchfield himself joined in. On his Facebook page, Burchfield said he "could not have asked for more love and support" in "probably the most difficult time" in his life. He already had told investigators that the Reillys were upset about their son's playing time and "are using race as an excuse." After the report was released, he added a quote that would prove for him unfortunately prescient: "The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. -- Luke 12:2."
On Sept. 1, however, the school district released an amendment to the Title VI investigation allegations that Hinson "may have walked out of a baseball game, while it was being played. It is alleged that the walkout was planned. It is also alleged that this act may involve equity/racism. The walking out may have exposed student(s) to unnecessary embarrassment or disparagement." The District "found just cause for disciplinary action" and Hinson was reprimanded due to "conduct unbecoming of a District employee." Hinson was transferred to Dunbar Middle School and banned from coaching for the 2023-24 school year.
Throughout the investigation, Burchfield told investigators how adversely he was being affected by the process, especially financially. He had told investigators he was concerned for his coaching prospects and told sources he was concerned about his scout position with the Braves. On his Facebook page, Burchfield prominently stated his affiliation with the club.
Burchfield, however, had been fabricating his involvement with the Braves. According to the team, Kyle Burchfield has never been associated with the club in any paid or official capacity.
"Mr. Burchfield was never an employee of the Atlanta Braves," the club told ESPN in a statement. "When we learned that he was representing himself as an employee of our club, we served Mr. Burchfield with a cease-and-desist letter demanding that he stop representing himself in this manner." In addition to the Braves' cease-and-desist to Burchfield, league sources said the Braves were required to refer Burchfield to MLB's security index.
In mid-October, following a public records request, the School District of Lee County released the Office of Professional Standards "investigation file" report by Vazquez on Hinson, detailing Hinson's role and Cato's inaction in a document that had less to do with Hinson specifically and more to do with the walkout. The Office of Professional Standards report provided the most damning portrait of adult behavior on the part of several parents and employees of Fort Myers High School.
The report was also nearly completed in early July, before the completion and release of the Title VI report but not released until mid-October. To the furious Reillys and Tuckers, it was another example of corruption within the school district. The combination of the three investigations revealed a far more damning picture of discrimination -- one to which the district would ultimately concur -- but Bradley's incomplete, largely exonerating report was the only one released to the public.
![](https://a3.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2024%2F0419%2Fr1321279_2646x1688cc.jpg&w=282&h=180&scale=crop&location=origin)
## ACT IV: AFTERMATH
**WHILE INVESTIGATORS CONDUCTED** their interviews, Fort Myers High cleaned house. By summer, virtually every adult connected with the Fort Myers baseball team would no longer be associated with the school. The principal, Dr. Robert Butz, resigned just a few weeks after the walkout. Christian Engelhart was named principal.
Gwynetta Gittens' prediction that the district would reassign administrators was realized. Darya Grote, the assistant principal who was one of the administrators assigned to the team during the season but was not in the dugout on April 6, was promoted to principal of Lehigh Senior High School. Toni Washington-Knight, who was in the dugout the day of the walkout, was sent to Fort Myers Middle Academy, where she is currently assistant principal -- but not before providing a coda for her experience to investigators.
"Throughout the whole process I tried to stay unbiased," she testified. "I kept relationships with lots of the players up until that moment. I look at the kids differently ... those that walked out. I also look at the ones who stayed back differently."
Before the Title VI investigation was complete, Burchfield resigned and joined the staff at Naples High School in nearby Collier County and serves as the baseball team's pitching coach.
Cato nearly hired JV coach Chris Chappell as head baseball coach. Chappell was at first base during the walkout. The Vazquez report listed him among the coaches who "most likely" left the game that day. Chappell told investigators he left after Jones told him the game was forfeited. As the summer turned to fall, Cato informed parents he would be searching for a different head coach.
One member of the Lee County School Board aware of the full scope of the reports was Melisa Giovannelli, but she declined to discuss the matter because she is up for reelection and many of the families who supported the walkout were, in her words, "her voters."
"It's unfortunate but that's kind of where it's at, and this situation's been dealt with," she said in a voicemail to ESPN. "And unfortunately, I think to rehash it would do more harm than good, for me especially, and, um, somehow we have to move on from here."
Steven Cato, the athletic director who said he had heard rumors of a boycott and called police ahead of time but did nothing to alert the parents or stop the walkout once it began, remained in his same position. He is the only adult still associated with the baseball team who was affiliated with it at the time of the walkout.
"Under no circumstance do I believe Steven Cato protected my son," Shane Reilly said.
The baseball team has a new coach, Brad Crone, who once played at Estero High. In February, Madrid Tucker -- who had long been undecided about returning to baseball -- chose to return to the baseball team. The season cancellation dropped his rankings to 186th in the nation.
On Feb. 14, represented by prominent civil rights attorney Benjamin Crump, the Tuckers filed a federal discrimination lawsuit against the School Board of Lee County and the School District of Lee County, as well as seven individuals: Cato, Burchfield, Carcioppolo, Hinson, Chappell, former Fort Myers High principal Butz and Lee County School Superintendent Christopher Bernier, who resigned in mid-April.
Madrid Tucker enjoyed his junior year on the football team. He says his real friends are on the football team and associates with virtually none of his baseball teammates.
During a game March 12 against Cypress Lake, the opposing team yelled "Happy Valentine's Day" to Madrid Tucker.
"That just proves what the culture is here," Dee Tucker said.
Tate Reilly's high school baseball career ended. He says when he received his diploma, at least one former teammate booed as he walked across the graduation stage. Nearly completing his freshman year at Albertus Magnus, he says he is still "processing what happened."
"I am left wondering what they think I did to deserve all the hate," he said in an email to ESPN. "Coaches throw out things like 'tough love' or 'kids need discipline' ... The coaches made up lies to punish me. That is not discipline. That is abuse. ... Being a kid and having a fun year with family and friends was taken away from me. My future was not important to them ... and to this day, they don't care."
On April 8, like the Tuckers, the Reillys filed a federal lawsuit against Lee County Schools, the school board and seven defendants, alleging their actions "empowered students and adults to act in ways that caused further trauma and harm." The Reilly and Tucker lawsuits were assigned to Florida Middle District Judge Sheri Polster Chappell, a 2012 Obama District Court appointee. The wife of Chris Chappell, Polster Chappell recused herself from both cases.
To Dee Tucker, Lee County School Board member Giovannelli had produced a typical response. "So, the end result is to do nothing?" Tucker said. "That's what they do around here: Nothing." It was a sentiment reinforced by Gwynetta Gittens, who said, "You're in Robert E. Lee County, and these people don't accept any blame for anything. They never have."
*ESPN producer Nicole Noren and ESPN researcher John Mastroberardino contributed to this report.*
*An earlier version of this story misidentified Andrew Dailey and John Dailey. Andrew Dailey was a volunteer coach at Fort Myers High School.*
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# After Two Decades Undercover, Shes Ready to Tell the Real Story of Human Trafficking
O n an August night in 2003, a young woman who went by the name Paulina sank into the sofa of her modest, rented apartment, opened up her laptop, and began talking about sex with a man shed recently met in a Yahoo chat group. His name was Stephen Bolen. His first communications had been terse, but he soon warmed to Paulina. It didnt take long for both of them to begin to open up. 
Paulina had told Bolen she lived in the Atlanta area, that she had a three-year-old daughter, that her daughters father was no longer in the picture. Soon, she was sharing more intimate details: what it was like growing up a skinny white girl in a rough neighborhood outside of D.C.; how her dad, a Marine, had died by suicide two weeks before she was born; how her mom had been emotionally and physically abusive, and had never really shown her love. How shed had a sexual relationship with her stepfather.
Paulina would put her daughter to bed and then she and Bolen would chat throughout the night, over Yahoo and sometimes on the phone. The back-and-forth could feel like dating, but with an added element of danger and risk: Both Paulina and Bolen knew they were tiptoeing up to a line to see if they trusted each other enough to cross it. It could take a while to figure that out.
Eventually, Bolen asked Paulina to send pictures of her daughter, and she agreed to do so, though the ones shed shared were chaste — the little girl clothed and her face turned away from the camera or obscured behind an untamable halo of blond curls. After seeing the pictures, Bolen asked to meet. While a lot of the men Paulina had encountered in chatrooms like “Sex With Younger” just wanted to trade images and videos of children, to expand their illicit collections, Bolen was a “traveler,” someone looking to act upon his obsessions. 
On Sept. 17, just as theyd arranged, Paulina sat on a bench outside Perimeter Mall with a stroller parked in front of her, scanning the parking lot nervously. Part of her hoped Bolen wouldnt show. When he did, she could see he was handsome, a preppy guy in a pink polo shirt and khakis. “Paulina?” he asked eagerly. She nodded. As he smiled and pulled back the blanket draped across the stroller, he found himself surrounded, handcuffs slipped around his wrists.
“Paulina” watched his face fall, his confusion giving way to distress as [FBI](https://www.rollingstone.com/t/fbi/) agents took him into custody. It was her first undercover arrest. It would be the first of many.
if one wanted to hide in plain sight, one could do no better than the tidy, suburban neighborhood on the outskirts of St. Louis, where FBI Special Agent Nikki Badolato now resides. The well-tended, two-story homes are so pleasantly indistinct that I could hardly tell you what hers looks like, even if it were safe for me to do so, which it is not. Suffice to say that Midwestern comfort and conformity unspool around every gently winding curve. Here Badolato has raised her two children, a daughter who is now in college and a son who is a junior at a local high school. When planning a neighborhood scavenger hunt or tending the community garden, Badolato does not often mention her many years as head of the Child Exploitation Task Force, a joint effort between the feds and local law enforcement that targets some of the countrys most heinous crimes. Open a cabinet in her kitchen, however, and a government-issued Glock 42 can be found stowed away between the vitamins and mixing bowls. 
On a sunny morning this past October, Badolato sat at her dining room table, scrapbooks and albums spread out before her on the dark wood. There was the acceptance letter shed received from the bureau the spring of her senior year of high school, after a representative had shown up to administer a test in the typewriting room. “I chose to wear a red dress and red heels,” she says of her first day as an FBI mail clerk, two weeks after her 18th birthday. “I dont know what the hell I was thinking. I guess maybe I was trying to go in bold?” She pauses at a picture of herself on the gun range at Quantico almost 10 years later, her shoulders squared and her caramel hair pulled back into a ponytail as she fires off rounds. By then, shed married a man she met just after high school, had a little girl, completed college at night, and been accepted into agent training in the heady days after 9/11. Shed seen her first dead body only a few weeks into the job, after the pursuit of a bank robber ended with a shootout in a Walmart. When Badolato got to the scene, the body was still warm, and the perps head was resting on a bag of cookies. “It was surreal,” she says. “How many times have you been in a Walmart and walked down Aisle 4, not really expecting there to be a dead person with his head lying on a bag of Chips Ahoy?”
Badolato wasnt deterred. She felt like the bureau saved her, plucked her out of a shitty home life, and gave her prospects and purpose. As a new agent, she was intent on proving herself worthy. “My training agent told me, You know, Nikki, its a marathon, not a sprint,’ ” she says. “I was like, Thats ridiculous. I dont even know what thats supposed to mean.’ ” She turned a few pages to show a picture of the 391 kilos of cocaine and 140 pounds of meth shed recovered on a single raid during a stint with a cartel squad, then pointed out another in which she poses with a five-year-old child shed rescued, the little girls hair cut short because the kidnapper had wanted her to look like a boy. But the keepsake she really wants to find is the card that Bolens wife had pressed into her hand at his sentencing, the one with the picture of their children — a blond girl of about three years and a tiny baby — and the words “These are the faces of the children you protect each day.” Bolens wife had been the only one shed ever encountered who had lobbied for her husband to receive the maximum sentence. Some wives accused the FBI of planting evidence inside computers. Most seemed intent on clinging to their delusions. (Attempts to reach Bolen for comment were unsuccessful.)
Which, Badolato has come to understand, is the way it goes with child trafficking and sexual abuse. She had invited me into her home — had agreed to speak on the record about her decades-long career working undercover — because when it comes to the crimes shes spent her career fighting, she has had enough of the delusions people are under. Shes had enough of the way movies like *[Sound of Freedom](https://www.rollingstone.com/t/sound-of-freedom/)* both glamorize and trivialize the work she and her colleagues do, enough of the idea that swashbuckling white men burst through doors and rescue trafficked children with a Bible in one hand and a firearm in the other, enough of conspiracy theories about Hollywood and Washington that detract from the real root causes of why children are trafficked and abused. “Human trafficking is not the movie *Pretty Woman* — the girl doesnt get the guy — and its not the movie *Taken*, where people are kidnapped in a foreign country and sold on the black market, or shipped in a container across the world,” one of the detectives who worked on Badolatos task force tells me. “Im not saying that doesnt ever happen, but its not what were seeing.”
>
> “Right now some little girl is being dropped off in the parking lot of a motel,” Badolato says. “There are four girls holed up in a hotel next to a McDonalds. It is happening all the time.”
What they are seeing is a lot more insidious and a lot more homegrown. A report released in 2018 by the State Department ranked the U.S. as one of the worst countries in the world for human trafficking. While the Department of Justice has estimated that between 14,500 and 17,500 foreign nationals are trafficked into this country every year, this number pales in comparison to the number of American minors who are trafficked within it: A 2009 Department of Health and Human Services review of human trafficking into and within the United States found that roughly 199,000 American minors are sexually exploited each year, and that between 244,000 and 325,000 American youths are considered to be at risk of being trafficked specifically in the sex industry. Heartbreakingly, many of these children are victimized not by strangers whove abducted them from mall parking lots but rather by people they know and trust: Studies have found that as much as 44 percent of victims are trafficked by family members, most often parents (and not infrequently parents who were trafficked themselves). Between 2011 and 2020, there was an 84 percent increase in the number of people prosecuted for a federal human-trafficking offense. Of the defendants charged in 2020, 92 percent were male, 63 percent were white, 66 percent had no prior convictions, and 95 percent were U.S. citizens. 
![](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Imagex-picture-with-the-children-is-from-a-kidnapping-case-I-worked-and-we-found-the-girl-alive_.jpg?w=795)
Badolatos unit with a kidnapping victim after her recovery in 2011. COURTESY OF NIKKI BADOLATO
Badolato started her career as an FBI agent in some of the earliest days that children could be bought, sold, and traded online. As the internet-porn industry mushroomed, its most lucrative branch turned out to be that of child sexual-abuse materials (the term “child pornography” is no longer used by those in the field, as it implies consent). And as demand for these images increased, so did the abuse that led to their creation.
In 2003, just a few months after Badolato graduated from Quantico, a Crimes Against Children squad was formed in the Atlanta office where shed been stationed. By then, the FBI was starting to get a handle on the extent of the problem — if not exactly what to do about it. At a weeklong training in Baltimore, Badolato was given a tour of the darkest underbelly of fetish chat groups and then instructed to figure out how to infiltrate. “Everyone was a little nervous,” she explains of the directive. “It was a process, a direction that was new.” Agents were told that they would need to come up with a “persona” and a “story,” and that they would likely have to provide images of children to “prove” they had a minor on offer. They were also told that they could use images of their own children, if they were comfortable doing so (the FBI no longer endorses this policy). 
Badolato developed “Paulina” based on her understanding that any persona would need to share most of her own backstory and traits. “Thats the only way you can really do undercover work,” Badolato says. “People can tell the sincerity in what youre saying, so there has to be a level of genuineness, but then you just add this criminal element to it.” Most of the things Badolato had told Bolen were true: where she was from, her family background, the monstrousness of her mother, a woman who she says would pass out cigarettes and beers to Badolatos 13-year-old friends in a state of manic permissiveness one minute and fly into a violent rage about a piece of lint on the floor the next. (Badolatos mother declined to comment for this article, but a childhood friend corroborated Badolatos account.) It was true that growing up in an unstable home with a string of stepdads, she had never really felt loved, true that she had divorced her first husband, true that she was raising their three-year-old daughter on her own. The only thing that wasnt true was her tale of being molested, her initiation into the “lifestyle” — to use the chatroom parlance — that Paulina said she now wanted for her daughter. As Badolato had familiarized herself with the language and behaviors of the chatrooms, shed honed that added criminal element, imagining what psychological conditions might believably lead a parent to traffic their own child and how those conditions could be grafted onto her real life story. She already had a history of abuse; it was not hard to extrapolate to a fictional stepfather who had seemed to provide a gentle counterpoint, showing her love and making her feel special when no one else had, even if others couldnt understand. From there, it was easy to convince the chatroom participants that she shared their belief — or justification — that most people had it all wrong and that “child love” was natural, and could even be beneficial for the child. 
Badolato estimates that she has arrested more than a thousand people; not one of those arrests has failed to end in a conviction. She didnt know until she was in the thick of it that most agents refuse this sort of work, that most cant even pretend to forge a relationship with someone looking to victimize a child. But she could. “Paulina,” she points out, is not a name she chose at random; its similar to her own mothers name. Badolato says she had grown up learning to compartmentalize for the sake of her own emotional survival. Shed perfected the art of engaging with someone whose actions she couldnt stand. Doing this work had felt like a way of taking her trauma and putting it to good use, of leveraging her past as a safeguard against her daughters and other childrens futures. 
Of course there were moments that were hard to take — when suspects mentioned which brands of lubrication were best or whether or not a parent might hold a child down. There were times when she knew that even talking about these things was a turn-on for these men, times when the conversations made her nauseous, times when shed lie awake all night or play back a recording and think, “Holy shit, I listened to this? I said these words?” But she kept faith in the mission. She reminded herself that the pictures she sent of her daughter — the beautiful, little girl sleeping in the next room — did not represent a real child on offer. “I was thinking, If I send this obscure picture of my daughter and he acts on it, then hes never going to harm my daughter or anybody elses,’ ” Badolato says now. “I was presenting a fake girl to save a real one.” 
**Kyle Parks seemed** to think he could get away with anything. He seemed to think, for instance, that he could get away with running a brothel, a 1-900 sex line, and a housecleaning company out of the same Columbus, Ohio, office park and under the same oxymoronic name, XXXREC and Hygiene Services. He seemed to think he could invite one young woman and five teenagers (four of whom he had only just met) on a road trip to Florida, but instead deposit them in two rooms of a Red Roof Inn in St. Charles, Missouri. When they piled out of the minivan — high on the drugs hed given them — saw snow falling and asked to be taken home, he thought he could make a little money off them first. All it took was a few ads in Backpage — the Craigslist of sex advertisements — and men began showing up.
Even after things started going south for him, Parks couldnt fathom that he wouldnt prevail. When someone alerted law enforcement as to what was going on, Parks (who, according to legal documents, had been out getting food when the police showed up) burst into the precinct the next morning looking to bail his “friend” out. When questioned about the 88 condoms found in the back of his van, he said they had been prescribed to him by a doctor. After being taken into custody, he protested that he was being set up. Most people would have cut their losses and pleaded guilty, but not Parks. He thought he could take his case to court and win.
And it wasnt impossible to imagine that he might. Badolato knew that even the tightest cases could go sideways when put before 12 people who would inevitably enter the courtroom with a cinematic sense of what [sex trafficking](https://www.rollingstone.com/t/sex-trafficking/) was supposed to be. In fact, it wasnt just the jury that Badolato knew she would need to convince; it was also often the victims themselves, young people who had internalized the exact same misconceptions about trafficking that the jury had — along with any number of other judgments society had thrown their way — and who were loath to submit themselves to a courtroom full of more judgment.
Of all of Parks underage victims, the hardest to pin down had been a 17-year-old well call Sierra. Once she returned to Columbus, Sierra seemed to basically disappear. Calls to her mothers number went unanswered. When one of the other victims managed to track her down in December 2016, a month before the case was to go to trial, Sierra agreed to meet Badolato on a blighted Columbus block with a string of dilapidated homes, climbing into the bureaus Chevy Malibu with matted hair, dirty clothes, and a wary expression.
By this time, Badolato had remarried, had a second child, relocated to St. Louis, and taken over as head of the Child Exploitation Joint Task Force, which had become one of the most productive FBI teams in the country in terms of arrests and convictions. Meanwhile, as the internet streamlined the process of buying or selling any good or service, trafficking had become one of the fastest-growing criminal enterprises, estimated by the Department of Homeland Security to bring in $150 billion globally and considered by many criminals to be a superior business model: If caught, the sentences were often lighter than those for peddling drugs; and unlike crack or heroin, the same product could be “used” again and again and again.
Badolato taught her team of 20 how to do the online undercover work shed trailblazed in Atlanta, tracking the movements of child-abuse material through the online underworld and then prosecuting those who distributed and produced it. Her new squad also initiated her in the type of undercover work it had been doing before her arrival: covert sting operations in which a detective would pose as a john, set up a “date,” and then meet said date in a hotel room fitted out with hidden recording devices while, in the next room over, a task-force team listened in, waiting for the code word that would let them know that enough evidence had been gathered for them to swoop in and shut the op down. This had proved a very effective technique for getting convictions, but Badolatos arrival coincided with both a growing sentiment that consensual sex work had been over-criminalized and an increasing awareness that what looked like consensual sex work might actually be trafficking, no matter what the “date” professed in that hotel room. 
Badolato has a tendency to say aloud the things she notices — about you, about others, about situations — observations that are not at all unkind but are perceptive enough that most people would keep them to themselves. She points out when someone deflects, and she has a sharp eye for defense mechanisms. She once casually mentions my tendency to mirror other peoples vocal and speech patterns. She is not shy about bringing up the emotional and physical abuse she says she experienced as a child, and she is quick to comment when someone is making excuses for someone elses behavior. It was soon clear to her colleagues that Badolato brought a trauma-informed mentality to the work, a tendency to look beyond what someone was doing and instead try to parse why they were doing it. And she was relentless: While some squads did one or two trafficking sting ops a year, her team was doing four or five a month. In addition to the hotel rooms reserved for the john and the team, they would have a social worker set up in a third room, ready to offer services to the victims. They would have lookouts stationed to see who might be dropping the date off. If that date was found to be underage, the case was automatically classified as trafficking. But even if they werent, Badolatos team was primed to get to the bottom of what was going on, to figure out whether they were being manipulated or coerced, and by whom. 
“If I could put my hands on a pimp, thats what I wanted,” says Jeff Roediger, a St. Louis county detective who was the “john” for many of Badolatos sting ops and who makes clear that the team was not interested in policing voluntary sex work. “When I had those types of cases, and I knew they were being sincere with me, I wouldnt book them,” he says. “It was all about talking to the girls. Its not like in the movies where they come running to you. You know, Thanks, you rescued me! Its not like that. A lot of them try to bullshit you at first — Thats my boyfriend, blah blah blah— but once I talked to them for a while, they would become more forthcoming.” 
Badolatos unit was one of the first in the country to take on this “progressive and proactive” approach, as she puts it. Soon, St. Louis looked like a sex-trafficking capital — not because it was actually trafficking more victims than other cities but because the task force was so aggressively pursuing those cases, and classifying them as what they were. “I mean, I was working in vice for years,” says Roediger. “Back in the day, it was always prostitution, prostitution, prostitution — until we started to figure it out a little bit, until we started digging a little deeper.” 
Once they did, the task force found that roughly a third of the sex-trafficking victims they recovered were under the age of 17 — and they began to see the reach of the problem. Kids were being trafficked out of every hotel in the area, from the seediest roach motel to the fanciest Ritz-Carlton. They were being trafficked every time of day and by every socioeconomic group (“Before you go do brain surgery, you got to bust a nut real quick,” one underage victim told Badolato of her high-end clientele). Some of the victims were girls. Some were boys. Some were LGBTQ kids whod been kicked out of their homes. Some were straight cis kids from the suburbs. “I tell people that I could probably name two or three \[kids\] in the school district they live in that have been trafficked,” Roediger says. “And they just cant comprehend it.”
There were kids who were about to age out of foster care (a particularly at-risk group, according to those who work in the field), kids whod run away, kids who were being sold to pay their familys rent, or to buy their family members drugs. There were kids whod sit in the hotel room, backpack at their feet, dutifully working on their math homework while agents and social workers tried to figure out what to do with them. Was their home life safe enough that they could be returned to it? Would a residential program take them? Of all the imperfect options, which would make them least likely to be trafficked again?
The one common denominator was this: They all had a vulnerability that could be preyed upon. They all lacked a safety net — societal, familial, emotional, or some combination thereof — that might have broken their fall. Mostly, their stories werent dramatic; they were typical American tales of neglect, of abuse doled out casually, of a steady stream of letdowns by people and institutions who should have propped them up. Badolato found that she had a knack for getting them to talk about this, for getting them to open up to her. She didnt look like an FBI agent — at least not what theyd imagined. She spoke softly, but with authority and a slight vocal fry. And she thinks that, at some level, they could probably sense that shed once been a vulnerable kid too, that with only a few slightly different twists of fate, she could have become a trafficking victim herself — and that she knew it. “My trauma looks different than theirs, but its trauma nonetheless,” she says. “And I think victims can feel that.”
![](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/w-Mueller-Image25.jpg?w=1024)
Badolato with former FBI director Robert Mueller on the day she graduated from the academy in 2002.
**As the task** force learned more about the psychology of victims, they also learned more about the ways in which their vulnerability was being manipulated, and how those ways were evolving. It was known in law-enforcement circles that once a skilled trafficker set his or her sights on a vulnerable young person, they could be groomed in a matter of days: one day for an introduction, a day or two to make the victim feel special and cared for, and then the day when a “friend” comes over and he needs to be “cared for” as well. Sometimes violence was involved at that point; sometimes drug use was involved throughout. But emotional manipulation was the key element, which is why it was so easy for grooming to move online, for groomers to take advantage of the false senses of connection fostered on social media. 
Of the victims who are not being trafficked by family members, the majority are being groomed in this way. “I would say that probably 75 percent of the initial grooming is happening online now,” says Cindy Malott, the director of U.S. Safe Programs at Crisis Aid International. “Recruiters used to have to work really, really hard to get access to kids, but now theyre practically sitting in a childs bedroom. And kids put everything out there — whats going on in their life, who theyre angry about, parents are going through a divorce, their insecurities about their body, about themselves, what they do, how they spend their time — so its like a gift to these predators.” 
The ways to manipulate are legion: Get a kid to send a compromising photo, and shell do almost anything to keep you from sending it out to all her Facebook friends; find out a gay kid is still closeted, and the threat of outing him gives you incredible power. And predators arent just on Instagram and Snapchat; they lurk in the chat functions of Roblox, *Minecraft, Grand Theft Auto.* “Theyre everywhere,” says Malott. “People think, Oh, I just got to keep my kids away from those porn sites, those horrible places. Well, no, predators are gonna go where the kids are.” And once there, theyre going to zero in on the kids who are most vulnerable.
Thats what got to Badolato. In her online undercover work, shed plumbed the psychology of pedophiles, but now she wasnt just dealing with suspects; she was spending time with victims and seeing the same vulnerabilities in them that the traffickers had seen: the instability or poverty, the addiction or mental health issues or abuse that had been normalized in their lives long before the traffickers entered them. Sometimes Badolato couldnt help but feel that all the conspiracies and misconceptions werent just a distraction from the truth of trafficking but rather some sick attempt to let society off the hook for trying to solve the much more intractable problems at traffickings root. “People would rather stick their head in the sand than address the real problem, because then you have to face and talk about the societal issues,” she says. “With a movie like *Sound of Freedom*, its like, Oh, this is in a jungle in South America. This isnt actually in \[my neighborhood\]. You know? Its easier for people to ignore the problem than deal with the issues on a societal level.”
**By the time** Badolato was sitting in that Chevy with Sierra, on that blighted Ohio block, she knew that the rate of re-victimization for children who are trafficked was as high as 95 percent, according to FBI reports. She knew that 90 percent of sex-trafficking victims have a history of child sexual abuse, that more than 75 percent had lived in foster or adoptive care. She knew that she could arrest one perpetrator, and another would pop up in his place, that she could send one pimp to prison and the same victims would show up to stings some short time later, run by a different crew. She knew that testifying was a way for Sierra to psychologically push back against what had happened to her, and she was right: After the young woman took the stand on Jan. 10, 2017, Parks was found guilty and sentenced to 25 years; while testifying, Sierra had seemed to transform, to channel and embody a sort of empowerment. But Badolato also knew that once her testimony was over, Sierra would go back to that blighted block. She wondered how long that empowerment would last.
She also wondered about her own trajectory, her own ability to continue doing this work. The youngest trafficking victim shed ever recovered from a sting op — an 11-year-old whod been recruited through Facebook — had been returned to her family in a house that had no heat (Badolato had used an FBI slush fund to get it turned back on). One did not become immune to the human misery of such things. They compounded, became harder and harder to compartmentalize. “Its just a combination of all of those years — and its all awful,” she says. “But there are particular moments that, for one reason or another, you cant get out of your head. I just dont think its in human nature to be exposed to that for so long and it not start changing who you are.” 
One night, at a restaurant near where Badolato lives, I ask her whether she thinks children are being sex-trafficked right then, in that very moment, in just the mile or two radius around us. Shes quiet for a long time, her gaze fixed downward at her glass of wine. By the time she looks up, her whole body is trembling. “Its happening right now,” she says quietly. “Right now some little girl is being dropped off in the parking lot of a motel. There are three or four girls holed up in a hotel next to a McDonalds. Its not only when we think about it. It is happening all the time. And if Im just sitting here, present, having dinner, not thinking about it, that means Im ignoring a problem that I know is real.” Tears stream down her face. 
“Many images have never left my mind,” she says. “Its really hard to have worked your entire life in law enforcement with a lot of child [crime](https://www.rollingstone.com/t/crime/) victims and be at the end of your career looking at the situation where you realize you can only do so much to make a difference.” Badolato wipes back the tears with the palm of her hand and shudders her head, as if she can shake the thoughts away. “Damn,” she says. “Fuck. I shouldnt be the one crying. Im not the victim of this.” The veteran agent steels herself and repeats, “I am not the victim.”
**The house where** Korina Ellison says she was first sex-trafficked no longer exists. It once stood on an unassuming lot in a residential suburb of Portland, Oregon, that stumbles down to the banks of the Willamette River. Now, Ellison cant quite bring the houses features to mind. She was so young back then, maybe four or five. There is so much shes repressed, or only pieced together after the fact. As a child, she wouldnt have known what she now believes to be true: that her grandmother scored her drugs by offering up her youngest daughter, Ellisons mom. Or that, once her mom was hooked on the meth cooked by the man whod lived in that house, shed known just what to do to get more. But Ellison does remember being inside the house, unclothed. She does remember how the man would touch her.
Her life unspooled from there. Her father died of a heroin overdose when she was six. Her mom lost custody for good. She bounced around foster care, then various residential institutions, then whatever shelter she could find. In the story she tells of how she was sex-trafficked again in her teenage years, theres no moment of drama, no kidnapping, no clear coercion. There was just a random, rainy afternoon when she had no place to go and was alone in the street and a car pulled up. The man inside took her home with him, fed her, introduced her to his girlfriend. They took her shopping. They let her stay. When men showed up at the home to have sex with the woman, Ellison was invited to watch, but she wasnt expected to participate — not at first, anyway. According to a statement Ellison later made to law enforcement, she just “realized that people arent going to take care of \[me\] for free.” Soon, the woman was posting Ellisons services on Backpage — $150 for half an hour, $200 for a full one — and the trio were traveling the Midwest. For a long time, it didnt even occur to Ellison, then 16, to leave. “Where would I have gone?” she asks. “Id been missing for over a year. Nobody was looking for me.” When the man told her to call him “Daddy,” she complied. 
![](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Kori-837EE013-747D-4B04-9D72-6DDB71C804D5-copy.jpg?w=1024)
Korina Ellison, a trafficking survivor, around the time she was recovered by Badolatos task force. Courtesy of the subject
That was more than a decade ago, near the beginning of Badolatos tenure as head of the Child Exploitation Task Force. But by 2021, leaving it had seemed a necessary form of self-preservation. One of her last cases had gone well legally: The perp, a retired police officer from California who had produced child sex-abuse materials of three sisters in Manila, had pleaded guilty to such charges when he learned that Badolato had brought the girls to the states to testify against him. But the experience had been emotionally devastating for Badolato, who had wanted the sisters, then 16, 13, and 11, to have memories of the U.S that consisted of more than reliving their trauma in a courtroom. She took them shopping and to the zoo, invited them to her home to have dinner with her own family, saw them slowly start to open up and laugh and behave like the children they were. Then shed had to put them on a flight back to Manila, back to the aunt who had allowed the man to abuse them and who Badolato had been unable to extradite. Fortunately, she says, their estranged father ended up intervening and taking custody of the girls, but that feeling of futility in the fight lingered.
>
> “If I can be perfectly honest,” Badolato says, “I truly dont believe that the FBI realizes what they put their agents through doing that kind of work.”
“I stayed for a little bit longer after that trial, but it really was when I should have been able to look myself in the mirror and say, Nikki, youre done,’ ” Badolato had told me in St. Louis. “It became clear that I had been doing it too long.” Shed spend the last couple of years working national security, a position without the immediacy of child-exploitation work, but also without the heartache. “If I can be perfectly honest, I truly dont believe that the FBI realizes what they put their agents through doing that kind of work. I just dont,” she says.
And yet, here Badolato was in Portland, leading Ellison, now 30, up to her hotel room, telling her about all the announcements shed heard in the Atlanta airport instructing travelers to be on the lookout for sex trafficking. “Its like white noise in the background,” she says as Ellison settles into the sofa. “Its a false sense of doing something to help.”
“Heres the thing: Nobody knows what to look for,” Ellison agrees.
“And what about the victims who are in that airport, who are walking around and listening?” Badolato asks.
“I wouldnt have even heard that announcement,” Ellison replies. “Because I didnt feel like a victim. It goes a lot, lot, lot deeper than anybody realizes.”
Thats what she and Badolato both understand. Thats why they started talking eight months ago. Of all the teenage victims Badolatos task force recovered, Ellison is one of the few who she knows has permanently extricated herself from being prostituted, though it took years for her to get to that point, years for her to see that what happened to her was not her fault but rather a fault in the system, a fault in many systems over the course of generations. Neither she nor Badolato can fix that. 
Yet they cant help feeling like theres something they can fix — or at least try to. Under the umbrella of an organization shes founded called Innocent Warriors, Badolato created a program for schools, instructing educators on the signs that might indicate a student is being trafficked and teaching kids how to avoid getting groomed online, which, she believes, is not about stranger danger but rather an awareness of subtle manipulation. Ellison has been working with trafficked youth through nonprofits like Children of the Night, the residential program where Badolatos team sent her when she was 17. Together, theyve been talking about having Ellison help train undercovers who are learning to do trafficking sting ops. Theyve also discussed starting a mentorship program in which children who are still being sex-trafficked are paired with young adults like Ellison who once were, providing a way for victims to begin to envision a different future for themselves and a path toward it even while being prostituted. Such a program may be retroactive rather than proactive, but it would capitalize on Badolatos and Ellisons experience and expertise — and it could help in the healing of mentors and mentees alike.
Badolato had traveled to Portland for the two to talk face-to-face about how the program might work. “You have to understand how theyve been traumatized because sometimes, to a child, relating doesnt sound like youre relating. It sounds like youre pointing out all the bad things in them,” says Ellison from the drivers seat of her Nissan Pathfinder as she drives Badolato around to show her certain landmarks of her past after shed left Children of the Night: the bridge shed slept under for over a year after a boyfriend had gotten her hooked on heroin, the blocks downtown where shed bounced between a childrens shelter and the needle exchange. It had taken a prison sentence for her to finally break her addiction and commit to a different kind of life, though that evolution had had less to do with not having access to drugs than with seeing her own mother cycle in and out of the same facility — like looking into her own future and witnessing how bleak it would be. Maybe, she thought, she could provide the inverse of that for kids in Innocent Warriors. Maybe she could reverse engineer her own escape.
“I just want to make it very clear that if you were a victim, you are a victim, and just to not have any shame in that,” she tells Badolato as they drive through Portlands misty streets. 
“What I anticipate and hope is that then we get survivors that are like, They get it,’ ” Badolato replies. “And that it opens up doors to help, for people to recognize that there are people who get whats really going on.”
“It took a really long time for me,” Ellison says of coming to terms with her own victimhood. 
“Its like reworking your thought process about some of those things,” Badolato agrees. “And thats hard, and it happens slowly over time, and it looks different for everybody.”
Ellison grips the wheel tightly. “The truth does matter. It does. The truth is the fucking truth. And its been empowering to be able to talk about it because thats another way that Ive realized, like, Man, I was a victim, is re-going over all of this. Because when it happens so many times, you do blame yourself. Its a lot easier to just continue to live in a lie than believe that you were lied to.”
Still, Ellison and Badolato agree that the impressionability that makes children vulnerable is also what makes them open to guidance and mentorship if a relationship of trust can be established. “What do you think a parent does? They groom you. Id been waiting to be guided and groomed,” Ellison says.
Its been instructive to see that potential from another perspective, as a mother doing the guiding. As the afternoon wears on, Ellison stops to pick up her then-15-month-old son, who was being watched by a social-worker friend. She buckles the little boy into his car seat, ruffles his hair, and passes him a bottle. He grins widely and begins removing his shoes and socks, throwing them gleefully onto the floor of the car and then kicking his tiny feet in time with the music as Ellison glances back at him and smiles. “Kids are so perfect,” she says.
The last stop of the day is the large plot of land where the drug dealers house once stood. Now, its been turned into a playground, with brightly-colored jungle gyms, a covered picnic area, and a large lawn, where a couple leisurely walks their dog. Ellison and Badolato climb down from the car and stand at the parks edge, as Ellisons son toddles around the grass, oblivious to what had transpired in that very spot. There is some form of poetic justice in the land being earmarked for childrens enjoyment, but neither woman voices it. Mostly, theyre quiet. Night is falling, the air growing cooler, and the gray sky fading into dusk.
“You would never think a park could hide what it used to be,” Ellison says at last. And yet it did. Driving off with Badolato at her side and her son babbling happily in the back seat, Ellison glances in the rearview mirror, but only for a moment. Badolato keeps her eyes fixed only on the road ahead. 
*If you or someone you know may be involved in trafficking, call the toll-free National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888, text the hotline at 233733, or talk online at humantraffickinghotline.org/chat.*
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# An Affordable Place to Live Becomes the Scene of a Murder
## The House on West Clay Street
Tabatha Pope thought shed finally found an affordable place to live. It was the beginning of a nightmare.
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/2b0/55e/61a1b2d4999f74d180035fac9394b35676-landlord-murder-final.rvertical.w570.jpg)
Photo: Stevie Remsberg for New York Magazine
Tabatha Popes story begins in late August 2021, when she heard of an apartment available in a three-story house just outside downtown Houston. Pope, then 32, desperately needed a place to live. For the better part of nine months, shed been staying at the Great Value Inn, a $35-a-night motel on the citys West Side, with her boyfriend, Will, then 47.
Pope had never made much money: Shed worked retail and service-industry jobs in the area since finishing high school — at Kohls for a few years, IHOP for a couple after that. But shed always been able to afford low-rent places in the suburbs. In 2016, she was priced out of an apartment for the first time in the town of Katy. In 2019, the year after she met Will, the two missed a payment for their place in Rosenberg and were kicked out. They moved in with a friend, a waiter at IHOP, whod stayed with Pope in the past when he himself was hard up. After about a month, the friend stole and sold Popes car — a 2007 Toyota Corolla shed saved for years to buy. When she contacted the police, they instructed her to file a demand letter, allowing ten days for the vehicles return, but by the time she did, the car was at the scrap yard being torn apart.
Without it, Pope lost her job — shed most recently been working as a delivery driver — and she and Will started staying in motels. Life at the Great Value Inn was particularly grim. Their room was cramped, and the neighborhood, Gulfton, was rough: Between January 2021 and April 2022, the police logged an average of 14 crimes there a day. Other guests partied all night. Pope heard of someone being shot in the parking lot and taken away in an ambulance that July. The couple spent their days working construction; Will had contacts on a few local crews, and Pope was able to join when jobs required extra hands. They patched drywall, demolished old kitchens, tore up carpet, and laid flooring for $15 an hour. Though prices for a two-bedroom apartment in Houston had gone up by 29 percent between 2015 and 2021, they could theoretically pay a cut-rate rent. But they couldnt manage to save enough for a security deposit.
It was an acquaintance who told Pope about the available apartment and connected her to a man named Michael Brown, who, over the phone, offered to show her the house. It was on West Clay Street, at the intersection of the Fourth Ward and Montrose neighborhoods, an area that had gradually gentrified over the past 20 years and was considered fairly safe. The home had a haphazard façade of gray and beige brick on the first and second levels and tan vinyl siding above. Two tall, anemic palm trees and a reaching live oak stood within the narrow, gated front yard, and there were porches on the first and second floors. The backyard, patched with dead grass, was scattered with trash, and a broken hot tub sat uninstalled and uncovered on a stone patio.
Browns girlfriend, a woman named Pamela Merritt, then 41, greeted Pope and Will warmly when they arrived, hugging them both. Merritt was around five-foot-11, a good five inches taller than Pope, but the two otherwise looked remarkably similar: Both had naturally brunette hair that had been dyed purple — Merritts with additional stripes of pink — and both were dressed in ripped jeans, tank tops, and black combat boots. (Popes were Doc Martens; shed found them in a dumpster.) Brown, who appeared to be in his 40s as well, joined them, and the four gathered in the couples living room — a cluttered space, “a little upturned,” as Pope described it. Merritt said theyd recently had a break-in. The house overall, she added, was in a bit of rough shape, but if Pope and Will were willing to spruce it up — clean out the second and third floors, maybe paint some walls — she would give them a discount on rent, from $750 a month down to $600. Best of all, there would be no security deposit.
There were four apartments in the house, she explained: two one-bedrooms downstairs (Merritt and Browns in the front and another in the back), a two-bedroom on the second floor, and a loft on the third. The unit for rent was Merritt and Browns, and it would come furnished. Theyd be leaving for a few weeks, and they planned to move into the second floor when they returned. The idea was that Pope would ready the space for them while they were away. None of the other apartments were currently occupied; Merritt said they were hoping to eventually set the place up as a bed-and-breakfast.
When all was agreed to, Brown still had some things to do before they could head out, and Merritt offered to pass the time by styling Popes hair. She was taking a cosmetology class, she said, and needed a model for an assignment. If Pope was up for it, shed install a partial weave and take a photo for her instructor. The suggestion was strange and the familiarity surprising, but Pope was happy to oblige: It seemed like Merritt wanted to bond. Merritt was a bit rough with her hair as she was braiding, but Pope didnt say anything. She was set on getting the apartment.
There was one moment that evening, however, that in retrospect Pope would see as a warning sign. As Merritt worked away, sewing a blonde weft under the top layers of Popes hair, Pope asked Brown an innocuous question — to hand her something nearby. According to Pope, Merritt became suddenly furious: She accused Pope of secretly knowing Brown and of sleeping with him. The two had never once met, and Pope was alarmed, but tried to stay calm. It seemed Merritt couldnt be reasoned with, so Pope let her rant and exhaust herself for a few moments before gently interjecting that she was mistaken. Merritt regained her composure, and Pope suggested they take a walk.
It was sweltering outside, but the two women circled nearby streets for half an hour. Pope told Merritt that she didnt need to worry — that she was a good person. Merritt, relaxed and almost serene now, apologized. Some girls couldnt be trusted, she said.
The next morning, Merritt and Brown returned to the house briefly. Merritt said theyd be coming back periodically while they were away to get their mail and check on Popes progress with the cleaning. She didnt say where they were going, though Pope guessed it couldnt be far. Offhand, Merritt added that she technically didnt own the house; the landlord was a man named Colin. Hed lived on the third floor, but hed up and left a couple months before without explanation.
Before taking off, Merritt brought Pope upstairs to show her the work needed on the second floor. When she started to open the door, however, an intense, rotten stench flooded the hallway, and she seemed to change her mind. She told Pope not to worry about the smell: A refrigerator had stopped working, spoiling some meat, she explained, and the odor had lingered. She closed the door, and the two returned downstairs.
It was a couple weeks before Pope got a look at that apartment. She and Will spent their first days as renters away on a renovation job in Waco. When they got back, the crew Will would be joining didnt have enough work for her to go along, so she decided to get started on the house. She laced up her work boots, grabbed some contractors bags shed nabbed from a construction site, and headed up to the second floor.
The apartment was in a state of chaos. Trash, clothes, and household items covered the floor — backpacks, old radios, dirty coffee pots. She wasnt totally surprised. Merritt and Brown clearly lived at the margins, and mess was a part of the deal. But the odor was much worse than shed remembered. “It just smelled like death,” she said.
She opened all the windows and got to work bagging things up. The stench did not seem to dissipate. After an hour or so, she headed into the kitchen to take a look at whatever it was that remained in the fridge. There, on the tile floor, in the center of the room, were two large plastic storage bins — the kind one might use to store winter coats. And at the bottom of each was a few inches of rusty red liquid. It looked very much like blood. And it reeked.
Next to the containers was a reddish-brown crust — an outline of a rectangle of the same size, as if thered been a third bin that had been moved. Aside this was a pool — five or six feet long and almost as wide — of what appeared to be the same fetid liquid, congealed. *What the fuck,* Pope thought.
Carefully, she dragged the bins out to the second-floor porch, their noxious contents sloshing. Then, she kept cleaning: It seemed like the thing to do. Soon, she thought, she would understand the connection between the story of the spoiled meat and the liquid — there was some reasonable way it came together. But none came to her.
She was mopping at the viscid substance on the kitchen floor when she remembered the mention of Colin, the man who Merritt said owned the house. Were the things in this apartment his? Why would he leave without taking them? *What the fuck,* she thought again. *Did I just fuck everything up?*
When Will got home from work that night, Pope showed him the bins. He was immediately dismissive. Whatever that was — and it was really unclear *what* it was, he said — it was not their place to get involved. They couldnt risk losing the apartment.
Merritt stopped by the house the following week. It was now late September. Pope believed by then that Merritt and Brown were staying in nearby hotels — it was a way to bring in rent money before the house was ready. Shed decided to probe, cautiously, for information about Colin. “Yall just dont know what happened to him?” she asked. “Have you heard anything?” Merritt, in a matter of fact tone, began her reply with an admission: Colin hadnt abandoned the house. He was actually dead. Popes heart jumped. Merritt continued: Hed had some sort of infected wound on his abdomen, from “falling on a spike,” and she and Brown had eventually taken him to the hospital, where he died.
Pope could barely understand what she was saying. The idea of falling on a spike was absurd. What *kind of spike*? Where? But she didnt ask any more questions that day, and she didnt pack up her things. She and Will had already handed over rent for the next month, and they didnt have money for another place. Even if theyd wanted to go back to the motel, it would have required a deposit they couldnt have paid. “In my bank account,” Pope said, “I had literally nothing. A few dollars.”
She didnt believe Merritts story about Colin and the spike — she couldnt — but she didnt know what to believe instead. It seemed unreal that Merritt or Brown could have murdered a person — never mind gathering his blood in storage bins. But there seemed to be no question something terrible had happened to Colin. And Pope felt some strange kinship with the missing man, a faint pulling connection. “I dont know if people believe in the supernatural,” she said. “But there was something compelling me to stay.”
In early October, Pope went to Colins apartment on the third floor for the first time. She needed some concrete information to guide her: She didnt think she was going to get anything reliable from Merritt.
The place was similar to the second floor — trashed — but without the rancid smell. She rifled through dresser drawers, filing cabinets, and papers strewn on table tops, looking for any clues as to what could have happened to Colin. First, she found notes from visits to doctors offices: Colins last name was Kerdachi, she learned, and he was born in 1942. Hed gone to multiple appointments in the past year, and hed written out lists of questions to ask certain physicians. The idea that hed died from a horribly neglected wound was even more far-fetched than it had initially seemed. On the hardwood floor, she found a bound family genealogy with photos. Stuffed into the pocket of a sweater was Kerdachis drivers license, his credit card, and a receipt from Home Depot, dated to mid-February 2021: He appeared to have purchased two space heaters during [a historic nine-day freeze](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2021/02/officials-say-texas-was-minutes-from-monthslong-blackout.html) that swept Texas. Also on the floor was a handwritten missive, dated to that same February: It was a demand for owed rent. Pope took pictures of everything with her phone.
Behind the wall opposite the bed — a metal frame and bare mattress covered in clothes — Pope spotted what seemed to be a door to a crawlspace, a triangular nook fitted under the houses southern eve. She pressed on the wood and it opened: Inside was another storage bin. At the bottom was the same coppery fluid shed found on the second floor.
Slow and halting, Pope stood and walked toward the bed. From her crouched position, she thought shed noticed a dark mark on the underside of the mattress. She pushed aside the clothes. There, on the white ticking, was a deep red stain—stretching across three or four feet. Looking up, she saw that blood was spattered on the nearest wall. She walked into the bathroom: There were drops on the tile floor and on the white of the bathtub.
Pope held herself calm: The proximate danger required she stay cool-headed, aware, and she found some protection in how surreal the scene was, as if it were playing out in a series of pictures some distance from her. She collected the medical records, credit card, license, receipt, and note about rent and walked downstairs. She stored these effects in a clear plastic sheath in a three-ring binder and uploaded the photographs shed taken to her computer, backing them up on an SD card. Then she called 911 and reported that shed found blood in the apartment of a missing person.
Standing on the porch outside, waiting, she opened the mailbox for the third-floor unit, affixed to the house near the front door. Inside was a kitchen knife. It appeared to be covered in dried blood. She closed the lid and stepped away.
Two cops from the Houston Police Department arrived about an hour later: Adam Ancira, who was in charge, and Ian Birch, who stayed quiet. Almost immediately, it was clear to Pope that they werent going to take her very seriously: She could feel them looking her up and down, assessing who she was in the scheme of things — taking in her worn-out shoes, the frayed hems of her jeans. As she described the blood-filled bins and red-splashed walls, they responded flatly in single syllables: “Yup,” “Okay.” Shed encountered this type of dismissal before, whenever authorities of any kind saw her poverty in person, but the stakes seemed so much higher now. Prior to checking out the potential crime scene, Ancira asked her if she knew she had an outstanding warrant for failure to appear in court for a traffic violation. She did; shed been pulled over while driving a friends unregistered car. He told her to get that taken care of.
On the third floor, where blood was dashed across the walls and spread in a horror-movie stain on the mattress, neither officer showed much reaction. “Were going to call homicide and see if its worth them coming out,” Ancira said. The two took photos and sent them to the station. Within minutes, Ancira told Pope that no one would be coming to investigate. He was sorry, he said; he wished there was more they could do, but without a body, there was no crime.
The otherworldly calm that had so far carried Pope from task to task throughout the days increasingly nightmarish revelations began to loosen. Menacing reality was coming closer. Still, she led the officers back downstairs and to the wall-mounted mailbox; shed told them about the knife. But when she went to open the lid, it stuck. Ancira said not to worry about it. “Im telling you there could possibly be a murder weapon in here,” she replied, “and you dont want to take it?” Ancira repeated his response. There it was: She was going to be left alone in this. They were not going to help her. (The Houston Police declined to comment on this story, citing an ongoing criminal proceeding. A source close to the department later told me that he did not understand why the officers would dismiss this potential evidence or why the homicide unit would refuse to investigate the scene.)
When the two officers left, Pope used a small pry bar to open the mailbox. She removed the knife, put it in a plastic bag, and locked it in a small combination safe shed hidden in her closet. Shaky now, she gathered a drill and some screws from her work bag and returned to the third floor. She pushed the blood-filled bin deeper into the crawlspace, until it could only be seen with eyes that had adjusted to the dark. She screwed the wooden door shut.
Her mind was churning. She understood now that placing a knife in a mailbox was asking for it to be found. She thought back to the night when she and Will first came to the house, when Merritt was braiding her hair, tearing at it really. After every few tugs, shed seemed to be reaching into her purse. Pope thought about how similar they looked. Their boyfriends resembled each other, too: both just under six feet tall, with tattoos running down their arms. *Had Merritt been collecting her hair?* And now her fingerprints were all over a bloody knife.
Photo: Courtesy of Tabatha Pope
Pope found herself beginning to gather up the third-floor trash. What else was she to do? As she dragged a bag from the loft to the hallway, she thought she heard a door close and footsteps. It sounded like it came from her apartment. She hurried down to the first floor: No one was there, but her closet door was open, as was a dresser drawer inside it. A piece of white printer paper was sitting in the open compartment, on top of tousled clothes. A note was written on a corner of the paper, first in blue pen, in a cheerful half-cursive: “Great Job Friend.” The capital *F* looked to have been practiced in large script higher on the page. Black ink followed: “sorry 4 Killing.” Below and to the left, in what looked like red crayon, in looping letters crossing over the “sorry” and “4,” the author appeared to have added: “XO.”
The window in the bedroom, which Pope kept locked, was unlocked.
Popes choice to stay at the house beyond her initial discovery of what appeared to be buckets of blood stretches the imagination — never mind Merritt changing her story about Kerdachi completely and the ludicrous explanation of the spike, which sounded concocted by a child.
It was wildly dangerous to continue living in such a place in more sense than one. If Pope herself was not in peril — and there was no reason to believe she wasnt — the house seemed to be, at the very least, the scene of some horrific crime. She was tampering with evidence; she was risking her own future.
Throughout our conversations, Pope insisted that it took some time to really comprehend her situation, and that, when she began to accept just how bad it was, she felt she had no choice but to stay. For a period, I assumed this meant that neither she nor Will had anyone to turn to for help: no family, no friends, no kind acquaintances — that the choice was between sleeping in a house where someone had likely been murdered and sleeping on the street. Pope and Will, after all, didnt even have a car.
But I eventually learned that Popes parents were each relatively nearby. She had a strained relationship with her father but spoke to him occasionally, and he was two and a half hours from Houston, in Austin, with his wife. Her mother was an hour away, in a town northwest of Katy. Her mother had told her many times that she was always welcome to come back home.
Pope said she stayed at the house on West Clay Street instead of going to her mothers because she was determined to “make it on her own.” She added that her mother had moved into an RV and space would have been very tight. Pope also felt, she said repeatedly, a deep need to discover the truth. She had always tried to be a good person, and it hadnt yet worked out for her, but she couldnt let go of Colin Kerdachi: *He had a family and friends; he was a human being.* She had to do something to help.
There was something else, too. Will had been using heroin on and off for more than a decade, since his 20s, when hed been prescribed an opiate painkiller following an injury — hed hurt his back working on railroads, laying iron track by hand. Hed gotten clean for a short time before he and Pope met but started up again within the first year of their relationship, and his addiction had affected many of their choices. He held the couples money — the foreman at the construction job gave Will both their paychecks — and, according to Pope, he spent much of it on drugs. It was clear that she could not have gone home to her mothers and continued to live with Will. “I couldnt bring his problems home with me like that,” she said. He was good to her in many ways, and she didnt want to give up on him. He sang to her, ran her bath, made dinner: When there was money, it was steak and potatoes, when there wasnt, she said, “he would make something out of nothing for me.”
Pope was also very aware that Will didnt have anyone else. She didnt know what would happen to him if they broke up. She told me, “Its always been easier for me to help other people than to do the things I need to do for myself.”
Merritt and Brown returned to the house in early November and moved into the second-floor unit. Popes mind was constantly cycling through thoughts of the blood on the third-floor walls and hidden in the dark of the crawlspace and of Kerdachis family, out there somewhere, whom she imagined trying and failing to reach him.
Merritt had seemed erratic in her early interactions with Pope, but after she and Brown returned to the house, she seemed deeply unstable. According to Pope, Merritt superglued the gearshift in Browns car — an old Audi sedan — following a shouting argument. Soon after, she introduced Pope to a neighbor passing by as “my daughter” and then continued talking to Pope as if nothing had happened. Pope could often hear her screaming at Brown. Pope would sometimes find him outside after a tumultuous night, in the backyard or on the downstairs porch, where he and Merritt both liked to sit at the edge, their legs hanging over the concrete. He called the outbursts “episodes” but seemed to write them off as insignificant. (Brown was unable to be reached for this story.)
In late November, when the Omicron variant of COVID-19 began to spread, work on the construction crew slowed and Pope was once again in the house on most days. Brown had an occasional gig on a crew of his own, but Merritt was usually at home, and the two women began spending portions of their days together, sitting outside and chatting. Pope started free-ranging conversations and let Merritt talk, hoping enough real information would slip out that she could develop a picture of what had happened to Kerdachi. Merritt told her she was from Midland, Texas, and that shed been married for some years. Her husband had died in a motorcycle accident, she said; shed seen the crash. She and Brown had gotten together in 2019 in Dallas; she approached him in his car at a gas station and called him a “handsome devil,” and that was basically that. Theyd moved into the house on West Clay about a year before Pope arrived. It was unclear if she had aspirations beyond getting by. She never mentioned cosmetology school again after that first meeting. At one point, she got a job at a bar, which seemed to last a month or so.
In December, Merritt told Pope, rather casually, that the house had gone into foreclosure: She hadnt been paying the mortgage. Pope was only a little taken aback, and she saw an opportunity. The next day, as coolly as she could, she broached the subject again. “You know, if Colins body were to show up somewhere,” she said, “it wouldnt be a foreclosure because he wouldnt have knowingly or intentionally not paid the mortgage.” She knew this wasnt true — shed looked it up the night before — but it sounded right enough. If Kerdachi was dead, she told Merritt, the house would go into the much slower process of court-supervised probate. It would buy them some time.
Two days later, Pope caught a ride to the grocery store with Merritt and Brown. She didnt exactly feel safe in the car with them, but she didnt have her own vehicle, and she needed food. Merritt and Brown sat in the front, whispering; Pope, in the back, strained to hear them. They were saying something about a dead dog back at the house, under a staircase. Pope stayed quiet. The next day, in the late morning, she joined Merritt on the porch and asked directly about what shed heard: What was this about a dead dog? According to Pope, Merritt didnt seem at all surprised. She looked up, the light of a dare flickering in her eyes, and asked if Pope wanted to see it.
Merritt stood and led Pope down off the porch and around the house, toward a set of external stairs that connected the second-floor apartment and the backyards stone patio. When she reached the staircase, she stopped and looked at Pope. There it was, she said. She pointed to a dark patch of ground under the lowest landing, enclosed by chicken wire. Almost as soon as she spoke, she turned and began walking back toward the front of the house. Pope watched her leave and then looked into the shadow under the stairs. In her weeks of cleaning, shed already attended to this spot, pulling out litter that had accumulated despite the chicken wire. But now somehow there it was: a human body. First she saw a torso on its side. It was decomposing — vertebrae exposed in places where the flesh had fully rotted away. Covering the head was a piece of rumpled clothing — Pope remembers it as a blue sweater. It was dirty and inside out, as if it had overturned as the body was dragged.
Pope took a series of pictures with her phone, her hands shaking, and hurried back around the house and into her apartment. She locked the door and sat against it holding her phone. She tried to second-guess what shed seen. Shed found the blood, the knife, and all the rest months ago. But in the intervening time, shed come to see Merritt and Brown as sympathetic people — if not normal, they were certainly human. They took little drives around the neighborhood together; Merritt stayed up waiting for Brown to get home with food ready for him. When she cooked, usually pasta dishes, she would make extra to feed the neighborhood raccoons. She was deeply troubled — there was no question about it — but she wasnt evil.
Pope reached for alternative theories. Maybe it really could be a dog under the stairs — maybe she was seeing things — or maybe shed gotten the entire story wrong. Perhaps Kerdachi himself was the murderer: He could have killed someone and fled. Merritt, whose mind was certainly clouded, might have really believed the body was a dog. But Popes thoughts were like water circling the black hole of a drain: She felt sure Merritt and Brown were somehow responsible. She texted photos of the body to two friends. The answer came back immediately: “Call the fucking cops.”
Over the next four or five hours, Pope considered her options. She assumed things would go differently with the police now — there had definitively been a murder — but if they showed up and somehow dragged their feet again, she would be in an extremely dangerous position. She came up with an out: She would call animal control and tell them she needed help with a dead dog. Its officers would arrive and discover a human body, and they would be the ones to call the police. But when she reached the agency, she was told it didnt deal with remains on private property.
Next, she decided she would try to get Brown to give her the okay to call the cops. He seemed to be under Merritts thrall — in love with her and temperamentally overpowered — but he was more in tune with reality, and Pope knew she could reach him. She brought him to the staircase and pointed, as Merritt had. “You cant tell me thats not a human,” she said. Brown did not seem alarmed. He shrugged and put up his hands; he didnt know what to say — it was a dog.
Pope took a breath. Was it perhaps possible, she asked, that Merritt could have killed Kerdachi while she was having one of her episodes. Again, Brown did not seem startled or even distressed. His answer was hesitant but not defensive: He said she wouldnt hurt a fly — that she wasnt violent at all.
Pope responded gently that she understood. “But on the off-chance its a human,” she said, “well get in trouble if we dont report it.” They had to call the cops. Brown paused a moment, then agreed. He asked Pope to give them some time to get their stuff and leave.
The two went back to their respective apartments. Pope sat alone for hours, waiting to hear Brown and Merritt leave. Around 7 p.m., Will got home from work, and she brought him to the backyard to see the body. His face went white. There was no denying it this time.
With Will in the house, Pope felt safe enough to go check on Merritt and Brown. She knocked and opened their door. They were in the entryway, holding rollers and cans of white paint: They were painting over blood that Pope had never noticed — on the interior side of the door and on the surrounding walls. Standing in the hallway, she attempted to feign disinterest. “Are yall ready to go yet?” she asked. “I want to call.” Brown said they would need another 30 minutes. Pope went back downstairs, locked the door.
After a few hours, at around midnight, Merritt and Brown were still in the house, and Pope decided to report the body to the police in person. The downtown station was a 30-minute walk, but she couldnt risk them hearing her on the phone. Will stayed behind. When Pope arrived at the station, the desk officer told her he couldnt help; these types of reports had to be made over the phone. She showed him the photographs of the body, but he waved her away, saying again that she had to call it in.
It was now nearly 1 a.m. Pope walked back to the house crying. Whatever well of composure shed accessed was running out. When she got back, the Audi was still in the driveway. Will had gone to bed so she joined him, but she slept only a few minutes at a time. In the morning, the car was still there. Pope couldnt wait any longer. She dialed the non-emergency number the desk officer had given her the night before: Busy. She tried again and was placed on hold before she had a chance to say why she was calling. She waited on the line an hour before hanging up and trying again: Another hold.
Around noon, she saw a patrol car drive by. She quietly stepped outside, and, when she knew she was no longer in view of the house, began to run. She caught the cruiser at a corner store a few blocks down. An officer in the drivers seat rolled down his window. “I think theres a dead body in my backyard,” Pope said. He scanned her up and down, looking annoyed. “You need to call it in.”
Pope was starting to crack. She was crying on and off and her heart was racing. When she got back to the house, Merritt and Brown were sitting on the front porch. She tried to act casual and asked what they had planned for the day, though that didnt make sense. One of them must have answered but she wasnt listening. After a few minutes, Merritt stood and went inside, and Pope kneeled down next to Brown. “Im going to call the police,” she said. “Right now.”
Merritt and Brown left in just under an hour. They didnt seem to pack any bags or take much with them. In the early evening, Pope called 911 and was finally allowed to report the dead body. She paced the apartment while she waited for the police to arrive, turned over the details of everything that had happened: She was primed for the cops to doubt her.
At around 9 p.m., she heard Merritt and Brown return. Two hours later, the cops finally showed up. Pope led them to the body and handed over the SD card. Merritt and Brown were taken down to the station. In the early-morning hours, the medical examiner arrived and collected the body, and Pope was put into the back of a cruiser, where she stayed for nearly four hours.
At the station, according to police records, Merritt repeatedly insisted that the body was a dog and told detectives that Kerdachi had “faked his death to commit fraud and is probably alive in Africa.” (Pope would learn later that Kerdachi was from South Africa.)
In the early morning, Merritt and Brown arrived back at the house. The police had opened a murder investigation, but neither had been charged with any crime.
For the next few days, Pope hid out in her apartment. She barricaded her door, pushing a heavy dresser across the jamb, and plotted an emergency escape route through a window. When her toilet stopped working, she was forced to venture upstairs, to the third floor, and saw Merritt and Brown in the hallway for the first time. They didnt speak, but she took some comfort in how they averted their eyes. She came to believe they were not an imminent threat.
A month after the body was taken away, Pope asked Will to leave the house. Throughout the ordeal, shed felt alone — abandoned even when he was present — and there was no sign of him getting clean. She knew she could never achieve a stable life if they stayed together.
Pope now had $20 in her bank account. And without her connection to Will and the construction crew, she had very little money coming in. Through a friend, she was able to snag a few hours of handy work at a local apartment complex, but she was most often at home. During the days, the three remaining housemates avoided one another. Merritt never confronted Pope about calling the police. But at night, she said, Merritt began to bang on her door and shout, usually incoherently. Sometimes she screamed that Pope was having sex with Brown. On one occasion, she yelled that Pope had done something terrible to her son: Whether Merritt really had a son, Pope didnt know.
Then, in January, a man named Nathan Kerdachi and his wife, Angela, arrived at the house carrying concealed 9-mm. handguns. Pope answered the door. Nathan was Colins estranged son. Hed been contacted by relatives in South Africa whod seen the news of an unidentified body discovered at the residence. They hadnt heard from Colin in months, and theyd asked Nathan to find out what he could.
Merritt and Brown were home, so Pope suggested they take a walk, and she recounted all that had happened. Nathan told me later that she seemed very genuinely concerned about his fathers fate. “She was trying to do the right thing,” he said. Before he and Angela left, Pope gave them a box of Colins personal items and the bound family album.
Nathan tried to encourage her to leave. “You need to get yourself out of this situation,” he said. “You need to be careful. If theyve done it once, whats going to stop them from doing something like that again?”
But Pope would stay in the house for another year and a half. That February, she moved to the third floor. She threw out the bloody mattress and finished painting the walls—the police had told her she could do what she wanted; it was no longer an active crime scene. She continued to barricade her door every night, though there were no new incidents with Merritt or Brown. She saw them both rarely now; it seemed they had all learned to time exits and entrances to avoid one another. When they did cross paths, they said “hello” — polite, tight-lipped neighbors. In March, the power in the house was cut off — it seemed Merritt hadnt been paying the utilities — and within a week, Merritt and Brown were gone.
Pope still didnt have any money — getting another place was impossible — and she still preferred the house to moving in with her mother or crashing with a friend. She prayed shed be able to stay as long as it took to build up a small savings. But each day was a struggle. She used flashlights at night and in the hallways; she charged her phone most days in a parking garage, sometimes in a pizza parlor; and she cooked over a fire in the backyard. Every few weeks, she called the Houston Police Department and asked for updates on the murder investigation. They told her, always, that they were working on it and to stop calling.
In July, the body found under the staircase was finally identified, through the use of dental records, as Colin Kerdachi. Nathan informed Pope. According to the Harris County forensics department, Kerdachis death was a homicide, caused by sharp-force and blunt-force trauma to the head, neck, and torso. Still, no one was charged with his murder.
Eight months later, in March 2023, a sergeant named Ross Watson, the new lead investigator, arrived unannounced at the house and asked to see the storage bin sealed into the third-floor crawlspace: It had never been sampled. That May, Merritt was charged with Kerdachis murder, but it took until August for police to find her. (Brown was not charged with a crime.) The state alleged that Merritt had stabbed Kerdachi to death on February 15, 2021, during the deep freeze. Watson had learned that a previous tenant, unknown to Pope, had called the police on February 23, saying that Merritt had admitted to the murder that day. The police, as they would again later, briefly detained Merritt and then released her without any charges. The tenant moved out immediately, and, that summer, Pope took his place.
Photo: Houston Police Department
Merritt was arraigned in late August 2023. As of early January, no trial date has been set. Merritts lawyer did not comment for this story. When I spoke to Harris County Assistant District Attorney Andrew Figliuzzi this fall, he emphasized Popes role in the case. “Without Tabatha,” he said, “we may not even be here.”
As for Pope, she finally left the house on West Clay Street in September 2023, three weeks after Merritt was arrested — two years after she first found Kerdachis blood. She was still flat broke, but she had a plan to stay with an elderly woman in Missouri City, a half-hour southwest of Houston, in exchange for helping her around the house. After a few months, that arrangement collapsed — the woman accused Pope of slacking and damaging her property — and Pope went to stay with friends, back in Houston, sleeping in a van on their property. Soon after her arrival, their house burned down in an electrical fire. But Pope stayed. Last we spoke, she was collecting wooden shipping pallets: She planned to use them to build a tiny house. When she had enough money, she said, she was going to buy a trailer, build the home, and drive it away. She didnt know where shed go.
The Missing Landlord
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# An Iowa paperboy disappeared 41 years ago. His mother is still on the case
After his disappearance in 1982, Johnny Gosch became one of the first “milk carton kids.” (Des Moines Register/USA Today Network)
**WEST DES MOINES, Iowa** — Johnny Gosch left home for the last time on a warm Sunday in late summer, in the pale morning light before sunrise. He was 12 years old, and he liked building model rockets. Just before 6 a.m., a neighbor heard a wagon rattling through the yard and figured it was Johnny taking his usual shortcut on his way to pick up his newspapers. Another paperboy recalled seeing Johnny near the newspaper drop site. The boy saw a blue car pull up, and saw Johnny talking to a stranger.
What happened in the next few minutes would resonate for the next four decades, far beyond the rolling green hills of Iowa. Johnny would become a tragic abstraction, a face on a milk carton, a story that warned other kids away from paper routes and changed the way police handled missing-children cases.
The reasons for Johnnys disappearance would be fiercely debated. Theories would proliferate. Some would call it an impenetrable mystery, insisting that countless hours of police work had led nowhere near the truth.
Johnnys mother would open a parallel investigation, one that continues to this day. In August 2023, not long before her 80th birthday, she pointed to her own skull and said, “Ive got pretty much all of it in the file cabinet up here.”
By then she had named the names of more than half a dozen alleged perpetrators or potential suspects, none of whom had been arrested in her sons case. Shed been ignored and dismissed, threatened and ridiculed, but Noreen Gosch kept searching for answers. The loss of Johnny changed the way she saw America. She said it convinced her of the corruption in our institutions, the injustice in our justice system, the breathtaking power behind the men who took her son. A force none other than evil itself.
The Gosch case is a vast labyrinth, full of wonder and terror, a place so dark you can barely see your hand in front of your face. I spent several months there while reporting this story, trying to reconcile Noreens findings with those of the authorities, hoping to gather all the objective facts. Many of those facts remain undiscovered.
And so, a warning: Any conclusion you make about the fate of Johnny Gosch will require some combination of guesswork and faith. Most people who study the case eventually settle on one of the following two theories.
You can choose to believe that Johnny was murdered soon after his disappearance, even though no killer has been identified and no remains have been found.
Or you can believe Noreen Gosch, who says she saw Johnny years later, very much alive, and talked to him just long enough to know why he had to disappear again.
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699655024971__WNL2008.jpeg)
Four decades later, Noreen Gosch is still investigating her sons disappearance. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
### A stranger in a blue car kept asking for directions
About 41 years after Johnny vanished, his mother rode through the wide, quiet streets of what used to be her neighborhood. A summer afternoon was getting on toward dusk. Noreen Gosch wore dark sunglasses, and her nails were painted a glittering blue. She had the calm resolve of a farm girl from the northern prairie.
She had once survived a tornado that destroyed her house, and she became a widow at a young age when her first husband died of cancer in 1965. Noreen married another man, John Gosch, and their son Johnny was born in 1969. She had gotten very good at controlling her emotions, even when talking about the worst thing a mother could imagine.
“There,” she said, on Marcourt Lane, just off 42nd Street, “thats where Johnny was kidnapped.”
By now she could talk about Johnnys case for hours on end: the twists and turns of her investigation, the compounding horrors and astounding revelations. On this drive down memory lane, shed also been imagining what might have been, if not for that one morning. Noreen had other stories about Johnny. Better ones.
He would ask his older sister to drive him to the mall, where hed use his paper-route money to buy supplies for model rockets. And then, if he had some money left, hed go upstairs to the flower shop to buy a single rose. Johnny did this a few times. Hed walk up to Noreen with the rose behind his back. And then hed pull it out and hand it to her and say,
This is for you, Mom.
There was also the time Johnny took on the bullies. Four boys in their neighborhood liked to terrorize smaller children, steal and smash their lunchboxes. One day Johnny walked by and saw the bullies picking on a little kid. Johnny was big for his age. He knocked down the bullies and led the little boy home. Then he went to his own house and said nothing about what hed done. The little boys mother told Noreen about this a few days after that terrible morning, when Johnny was outnumbered again.
It was September 5, 1982, when the stranger in the blue car pulled up near Johnny. Witnesses would later say the car was two-tone blue, perhaps a Ford Fairmont. The driver “was described as a white male in his thirties, possibly having a mustache and somewhat dark complected,” according to a police report. Johnny was on his way to a newspaper drop site when the man stopped the car, backed up, stopped again near Johnny, and asked for directions to 86th Street.
In the span of about 10 minutes, the stranger in the blue car asked at least three people for directions. And near the newspaper drop site, another stranger appeared.
As Johnny walked north on 42nd Street, a very tall man was seen walking behind him. It seemed he was following Johnny.
Moments later, two other paper carriers saw Johnny on Marcourt Lane. For reasons not made clear in the police report, Johnny stopped pulling his wagon and sat down. When the other carriers picked up their papers and returned to the same place, Johnnys wagon was still there.
But Johnny was gone.
Another witness looked out his bedroom window and saw what may have been a silver and black Ford Fairmont running a stop sign, turning left on 42nd Street, and heading north toward the interstate.
Crucial minutes passed. Almost two hours after Johnny was last seen on the streets of West Des Moines, the phone started ringing at the Gosch house. Subscribers were asking why Johnny hadnt delivered their papers.
“His dad went out and delivered all the papers,” Noreen said, not far from the place where Johnnys wagon was found. “And then I had put a call in to the police, but we waited almost an hour for them to come.”
Noreen had lived more than half her life with a strange relationship to time. Even as she grew older she was frozen in one place, reliving the same day, trying to make sense of the moments that tore her family apart. She looked at their old house at the end of the cul-de-sac, noticed it had been repainted, remarked on how much the trees had grown. It was 2023, but it was still 1982, and Noreen repeated a central finding of her long investigation.
“The police chief was corrupt,” she said. “I know a lot more about him.”
![](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699655083056__WNL2176-1.jpeg)
Johnny Goschs wagon was found less than five blocks from his house. His papers had not been delivered. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
![](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699655084020__WNL2235.jpeg)
Johnnys parents eventually divorced and moved away from what was once his home. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
### A police chiefs questionable record
Orval Cooneys name and photograph appeared on the front page of the *Des Moines Register* on February 27, 1951, when he was 17. The story said he was among five youths accused of taking a teenage boy for a ride and “severely beating him.” In June, he pleaded guilty to assault with intent to inflict great bodily injury; he was sentenced to 30 days in jail, the paper said. Later he served in the Marines and worked as an upholsterer before becoming a police officer. In 1976, after eight years with the agency, Cooney was appointed chief of the West Des Moines Police Department.
Early in 1982, the *Des Moines Tribune* published an astonishing piece of investigative journalism. The reporters interviewed 18 employees of the West Des Moines Police Department, including 14 of the 20 patrol officers, who alleged that Cooney had “beaten a handcuffed prisoner, compromised a burglary investigation implicating one of his sons and threatened and harassed his own officers. They say they have smelled alcohol on his breath when he was on the street at night checking up on them and that theyve seen beer cans in the vehicle he uses.”
The report said the department had no Black employees, and cited three employees who said they heard Cooney say “he would never hire a Black or a woman as an officer.” The sources also accused Cooney of repeatedly using the N-word.
The city opened its own investigation, which spared Cooney and instead found wrongdoing by the whistleblowers. Two officers were fired, allegedly for misdeeds committed months earlier, and several others were reprimanded. A *Tribune* editorial complained that “the city officials who launched the investigation might have had a whitewash in mind from the beginning.” Cooney kept his job. He was still chief that September, when Johnny Gosch disappeared.
Noreen believed in the system until that day. She says an officer asked her if Johnny had ever run away before, even though it was obvious to her that Johnny had been kidnapped. She says the police did far too little to investigate the case in the first 72 hours. And she says that as volunteers searched the woods and fields for Johnny, some reported that Chief Cooney had told them to go home, because “the kid is probably just a damn runaway.”
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1701279921862_USATSI_21916752_.jpg)
Volunteers searched for Johnny, but he was nowhere to be found. (Des Moines Register/USA Today Network)
She kept examining the puzzle in her mind, arranging and re-arranging the pieces. And she kept thinking about the incident at the football game.
Two nights before Johnny disappeared, the Gosches went to Valley High School to watch their older sons JV football game. Johnny left to get some popcorn from the concession stand. When he didnt return right away, his father went looking for him and found him under the bleachers, talking to a police officer.
Noreen says she questioned Johnny about the encounter. He didnt seem upset about it — in fact, he told her the officer was very nice — but it seemed strange to Noreen that a cop had called to her son from under the bleachers so they could have a private conversation in the dark.
Why did you go? she asked.
He was a policeman, Johnny said. Dont you have to do what he says?
After the game, as they were leaving, Johnny pointed out the officer. Noreen got a good look at his face. And after Johnny disappeared, Noreen wanted to question the officer. But first she had to find out who he was.
Noreen made an appointment at the West Des Moines Police Department and then went to the school board office and obtained a list of cops whod been hired to provide security at the football stadium. She brought it to her meeting with Chief Cooney, where pictures of the departments officers were laid out on a table.
None of the pictures resembled the man whod been under the bleachers with Johnny. Noreen insisted that some pictures must be missing. Finally an official left the room and came back with more pictures. Noreen says she recognized one as the cop from the football game. And with the roster of officers who worked security, she figured out his name.
Its possible there was an innocent explanation for the encounter. Other officers told me the cop in question was interviewed by investigators after Johnny disappeared, and that hed done nothing wrong. But Noreen felt stonewalled.
She had two copies of the roster, and handed one to the police chief. She says Cooney started yelling and stamping his feet. Noreen asked if she could question the officer, but Cooney told her that wouldnt be possible. She wondered if the chief was hiding something.
(The West Des Moines Police Department declined to release its full investigative case file, because the Gosch case is still an active investigation involving state and federal authorities, and declined to make any current investigators available for an interview. It also declined to answer my extensive list of questions about the case. But the agency did send me a statement, which read, in part, “We understand how deeply this case has affected the family, the community, law enforcement officials and the nation. This case will remain open, and we wont stop investigating until we have closure and answers as to what happened to Johnny Gosch.”)
In 1982, after more disagreements with Chief Cooney about Johnnys case, Noreens suspicion grew. Her son, a responsible paperboy whod kept the route for almost a year, had vanished without delivering a single paper. Witnesses had seen two strange men nearby, including one who talked to Johnny, and had seen a car run a stop sign and leave the area where Johnny was last seen. And the police would not even call it a kidnapping. It seemed to Noreen that the failure to solve the case could not be solely explained by a lack of evidence.
The Gosch case stayed in the news for years after Johnny vanished. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
### Johnny may have been seen in Oklahoma and Texas
Four days after Johnny disappeared, a picture of his mother and father was published on the front page of the *Des Moines Tribune*. They were holding hands. John Gosch stood on the front porch, and Noreen sat on a brick ledge in front of him, looking mournful. Behind them, the porch light burned. They kept it on for Johnny, just in case he ever found his way home.
If hed been killed in those early days, as some people suspected, no such evidence came to light. In fact, there were signs that Johnny might be alive.
About six months after he vanished, he may have been seen in Oklahoma. A woman reported that shed seen a boy on a streetcorner, out of breath and asking for help.
My name is John David Gosch, he told her, before two men grabbed him and dragged him away.
Its not clear whether the woman told police about what shed seen. Her name was not made public, although a reporter for the *Chicago Tribune* later interviewed her on condition of anonymity. In any case, according to news reports, the woman was apparently unaware of the Gosch disappearance until months after her encounter with the boy, when she saw a story about Johnnys case on TV and recognized his picture.
According to a story from the Associated Press, the woman got in touch with a private investigator working for the Gosches. A spokesman for a Chicago-based firm called the Investigative Research Agency was quoted as saying, “We and the FBI checked it out. And were both convinced it positively was Johnny.” The AP story said an FBI spokesman declined to comment on an ongoing investigation. Decades later, when I inquired with the FBI about this incident, a spokesperson replied, “We dont confirm or deny investigations.”
Just after midnight on February 22, 1984, about a year after the possible sighting in Oklahoma, the phone rang at the Gosch house in West Des Moines. Noreen picked up. Someone said, “Mom?” She thought it sounded like Johnny.
She later said his words were slurred, and he was asking for help. When she asked where he was, someone hung up the phone. She answered two more brief calls in the next few minutes, again from someone who sounded like Johnny. Noreen told him she loved him, and that he should try to get away to a police officer. The line went dead. She informed the police but said she was told the calls were untraceable.
About a month later, the AP published a story on more reported sightings of Johnny, this time in Texas. Guy Genovese, a sheriffs investigator in Nueces County, was quoted as saying, “I believe the boy is alive and I believe he can be found, but Im not saying when or anything like this.”
It seemed possible that Johnny was out there, in the hands of bad men, hoping to be rescued. Other sightings would be reported in the years that followed. Noreen herself would eventually swear under penalty of perjury that shed seen Johnny again.
But first, a man came forward with new information about the case. He claimed to be one of the kidnappers.
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699656812715__WNL1970.jpeg)
Noreen Gosch says Johnny used his paper-route money to buy her roses. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
### Was Johnny taken by kidnappers from Nebraska?
One day in 1991, Noreen got a phone call from a private investigator in Nebraska. He worked with a lawyer whose client was in prison for child molestation. This prison inmate said hed taken part in kidnapping Johnny. The investigator had several hours worth of recorded interviews with the supposed kidnapper. He offered to visit Noreen and play the tapes.
By then, almost nine years after Johnny disappeared, Noreen was desperate for reliable information. And she was used to going about the mundane business of daily life even as she contemplated the awful details of what happened to her son. So she told the investigator to come over on a Saturday. They would spend much of the day going over the tapes. And Noreen would make Italian beef sandwiches for lunch.
Johnny used to love those sandwiches. Noreen put a beef roast in the slow-cooker, along with broth and garlic and oregano and pepperoncini and some juice from the pepperoncini jar. It was all simmering when she and the investigator, Roy Stephens, sat down at the kitchen table. He put in a tape and pressed play.
The voice on the tape belonged to Paul Bonacci, then 23 years old. He had endured a miserable childhood, full of sexual abuse and other horrors, and once told a psychiatrist that his first stepfather chopped up toys with an axe.
Adrift, Bonacci met a boy named Mike in a park outside Omaha. Bonacci told him about some of the abuse he suffered. Mike seemed interested in this, and introduced him to a man named Emilio, who produced child pornography, according to Bonacci. It was 1982. Paul Bonacci was 15. Just before Labor Day weekend, Mike and Emilio invited Bonacci on a trip with them. They were going to Iowa.
Bonacci has told the story many times since the early 1990s. This account is drawn from sworn testimony he gave at a court hearing in 1999.
In September 1982, Bonacci said, he accepted the invitation to go on a road trip with Mike and Emilio. They stayed at a hotel on the west side of Des Moines. Another man came in, holding a paper bag full of photographs.
This is the one, he said, pointing to a picture of Johnny Gosch.
Bonacci said he wasnt exactly sure how Johnny was chosen, but “a lot of it had to do with the fact of the way he looked. Because the color of his hair and his eyes and everything. It could make them more money, I guess.”
Once he realized hed been drawn into a kidnapping plot, Bonacci said, he tried to back out. But then, he said, “Emilio took me for a little drive, stuck a gun in my head on a dirt road and told me I either did this or he was going to blow my brains out right there and then.”
So Bonacci agreed to help with the kidnapping. Back at the hotel, the conspirators rehearsed the plan, which involved three vehicles and about half a dozen people. They arranged chairs to serve as models for seats in the kidnap car, and practiced where they would sit. Paul and Mike would be in the back. The driver would pull up to Johnny, ask him a question, then drive around the block. Then Paul would get out and ask Johnny a question. He was small and nonthreatening. As he later said, children are sometimes frightened by strange adults. “But \[when\] kids your own age are talking to you and stuff you normally arent frightened by them.” Paul said he was there to “lure him or get him close enough to the car where we could get him in.”
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699656871972__WNL2203.jpeg)
Marcourt Lane in the suburban community of West Des Moines, Iowa. The Gosch family lived around the corner. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
Early the next morning, they carried out the plan. Paul got out and asked Johnny a question. He said a man named Tony pushed Johnny into the car. Paul helped incapacitate Johnny by putting a chloroform-soaked rag over his face. They drove out of town.
Once theyd made their getaway, the kidnappers switched Johnny from one vehicle to another. The original kidnap car apparently drove east toward Chicago. A station wagon went south. Out in the country, where the corn would have been high in late summer, the kidnappers put Johnny into a van that drove west, toward Omaha, and then north, to a house near Sioux City.
“That night at first Emilio and this couple other guys went into town to drink,” Bonacci said, according to a court transcript. “And they left me, Mike and Johnny in a room that had no windows on it. That they had locked from the outside of the room and stuff. They lock us all three in this room. And that night when they got back they ordered me and Mike to do some things with, sexual things with Johnny. And they filmed it so that they could sell the film or whatever they were going to do with it.”
Bonacci said he was driven back to Omaha the next day. Johnny stayed behind in Sioux City.
“And then a couple of months later I got a chance to take a trip out to Colorado,” Bonacci said. “And thats where I seen Johnny Gosch the second time. And at that point he was staying with a guy that I only knew as The Colonel. And it was a kind of a ranch house but it was out, had a raised floor, underneath there was a space that had been dug out. And thats where they kept some of the kids at and stuff when they caused trouble or were bad.”
There have been plenty of questions about Bonaccis claims. In 1993, the Fox TV show “Americas Most Wanted” depicted Bonacci leading a camera crew to an abandoned house in Colorado where he said Johnny had been kept. Producer Paul Sparrow said on the film “Who Took Johnny” that the house had a secret underground chamber with what he thought were childrens initials carved into the wood. (The film did not show independent confirmation for that claim.) Weeks after that episode of “Americas Most Wanted” was broadcast, the Omaha World-Herald published a story that said sheriffs investigators in Colorado had examined Bonaccis claims about the house and “dont have any substantiation that Gosch was ever held there or that any laws were violated.”
Its not clear how they reached their determination. I requested documents of that investigation from the Chaffee County Sheriffs Office. Even though the agency found and provided records dating back to 1982 in response to a related request, a records manager said she could find nothing in the system about the 1993 investigation of Bonaccis claims.
If there was any good news in Bonaccis account, it was that Johnny might still be alive. But the story made it sound as if he was living in captivity.
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Johnnys parents spent years looking for clues and trying to keep the case in the public eye. (Des Moines Register/USA Today Network)
![](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_17EE3126C8FDC91EC9C07AF5F25613F98D8273303D3F4BEEB6B8A520942E5B4E_1701810845094_A8u8n0VM.jpeg)
As the news spread, letters of support poured in. (Des Moines Register/USA Today Network)
### Noreen visits a prison to see the man who says he helped kidnap Johnny
On that day in 1991, Noreen sat at the kitchen table, not far from what used to be Johnnys room. She was listening to the tapes from the private investigator, thinking about the little boy who gave her roses. And she was forced to imagine him pulled off the street, drugged, imprisoned, corrupted, tormented, afraid.
It was the sort of story no one would want to believe. But Noreen believed it. She thought Paul Bonacci could not have made it up. It was clear to her that hed talked extensively to Johnny. He knew that Johnny had bought a dirt bike to ride around the vacant lot near their house. He knew that Johnny sometimes went to the yoga classes that Noreen taught. And he knew where Noreen and Johnny liked to go afterwards: a Mexican restaurant called Chi-Chis.
The private investigator had a question for Noreen: Would you like to go to the prison and talk to Bonacci yourself?
Noreen said yes. But she needed a few weeks to prepare. This man said hed done horrible things to her son. Before she faced him, she had to work through the anger.
Noreen had thought a lot about forgiveness. Shed read about positive thinking in a book called “Rays of the Dawn,” by Thurman Fleet. And Noreen had come to realize that when youre angry with someone, forgiveness isnt for them. Its for you. Because the anger and hatred can poison you. Letting them go is a gift you give yourself.
As the meeting with Paul Bonacci drew nearer, this was all easier said than done.
“When something so vile hits you,” she recalled, “and youve got to face it, there were times I had to read the chapter on forgiveness five times over and over in one sitting, in order to be able to get up from the chair or the couch and not feel the anger anymore.”
The day arrived. Shed made arrangements to go to the prison in Lincoln, Nebraska, with the private investigator and a news crew from WHO, a TV station in Des Moines. Some of the footage would later appear on newscasts and in the documentary film “Who Took Johnny.” Bonacci, thin and pale in his prison jumpsuit, did not know in advance who hed be meeting. When someone told him this woman was Johnnys mother, he nearly broke down.
“Just tell me what happened,” Noreen said. “Please.”
“I feel so — I feel so bad about it,” he said, fighting back tears. “Because — of what they made me do.”
Noreen did not hate him. He was a lost boy, similar in some ways to her own son, and she was filled with compassion. Jim Strickland, the TV reporter who went to the prison, was struck by Noreens quiet composure.
“She was strong,” he told me in an interview.
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1702499133815_00004912.jpg)
At home in West Des Moines, Noreen kept thinking about Johnny. (Taro Yamasaki)
Bonacci had previously accused others of sexual wrongdoing in Omaha, Nebraska, during a wide-ranging investigation that involved the collapse of the Franklin Community Credit Union and widespread allegations of child abuse. But state and federal authorities found little or no veracity in the most salacious of those claims. A grand jury called many of the allegations a “hoax.” One witness was convicted of perjury, and Bonacci was also charged with perjury in that case, though a prosecutor later dismissed the charges against Bonacci “in the interests of justice,” according to a court document.
Since the late 1980s, other people have examined some of Bonaccis claims and determined that he was likely telling the truth. Loran Schmit, who investigated the Franklin scandal as a Nebraska state senator, wrote in a 1991 affidavit that “this Senator now believes that Paul Bonacci did tell the truth to the Franklin committee and the Committee Investigator.”
At the prison with Bonacci in 1991, Noreen Gosch was also convinced.
In those conversations, Bonacci shared more details about the crime, and about Johnny. He drew what Noreen thought was an accurate map of the crime scene.
“Did you ever see any marks or anything on Johnnys body?” Noreen asked.
“When we got him in there, he had a birthmark on his chest,” Bonacci said, “or a something on his chest, it was like a — looked like South America.”
Noreen knew he was right about that. Bonacci also knew about the scar on Johnnys tongue, a reminder of the time Johnny bit his tongue after falling from a treehouse. And he knew about a burn mark on Johnnys leg, near the ankle, from the time it touched the tailpipe of his older brothers motorcycle.
“Credible,” Strickland said, when asked how Bonacci came across during that interview 32 years ago.
It seemed possible that Paul Bonacci was the key to solving one of the most notorious missing-persons cases in modern history. And so Jim Strickland found it strange that the police decided not to interview him.
“Why wouldnt you just drive two hours and talk to the guy?” Strickland wondered. “Do you want to solve it, or not?”
### The mysterious backstory of Paul Bonacci
The police could give several reasons for ignoring Bonacci. The short version is that some people thought he was insane, or lying, or both. The long version is worth explaining, despite its strange and horrifying complexity, because both Bonacci and Noreen Gosch are convinced it is relevant to Johnnys case.
In 1991, the same year he met Noreen at the prison, Bonacci filed a federal lawsuit against more than a dozen defendants, including a former top official from the Franklin Community Credit Union, Lawrence E. King, who had political connections that reached all the way to the White House. Bonacci accused King of vicious sexual abuse, among other atrocities. By then, King was on his way to prison for embezzlement, and he did not respond to the lawsuit, though he was quoted in a 1990 Washington Post story calling sex-abuse allegations against him “garbage.” In 1999, a federal judge entered a default judgment in Bonaccis favor, awarding him $1 million. (I tried to reach King by phone and letter for this story, but did not receive a response.)
Although Senior District Judge Warren K. Urbom had previously called some of Bonaccis testimony “bizarre,” he wrote a memorandum of decision in Bonaccis favor:
“Between December 1980 and 1988, the complaint alleges, the defendant King continually subjected the plaintiff to repeated sexual assaults, false imprisonments, infliction of extreme emotional distress, organized and directed satanic rituals, forced the plaintiff to scavenge for children to be a part of the defendant Kings sexual abuse and pornography ring, forced the plaintiff to engage in numerous sexual contacts with the defendant King and others and participate in deviate sexual games and masochistic orgies with other minor children.”
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_17EE3126C8FDC91EC9C07AF5F25613F98D8273303D3F4BEEB6B8A520942E5B4E_1701968307274_AP23321825352197.jpg)
Lawrence E. King Jr. managed the Franklin Community Credit Union in Omaha, Nebraska, before going to prison for embezzlement and other charges. (Bill Batson/Omaha World-Herald/AP)
King was never charged criminally for sexual abuse, and the judge wrote that there were “reasons to question the credibility of the plaintiffs testimony.” But the judge also wrote that Kings failure to respond to Bonaccis allegations “has made those allegations true as to him. The now uncontradicted evidence is that the plaintiff has suffered much. He has suffered burns, broken fingers, beatings of the head and face and other indignities by the wrongful actions of the defendant King…He is a victim of multiple personality disorder, involving as many as fourteen distinct personalities aside from his primary personality.”
In a deposition for the case, Bonacci gave a surreal explanation for his condition, which is now known as dissociative identity disorder. At one point another personality surfaced, and this other personality, known as West Lee, was separately sworn in as a witness.
West Lee said hed been created by a secret government program called Monarch. He said this program involved sexually abusing children, intentionally splitting their personalities, and using them in espionage, with missions that included entrapping and sexually blackmailing politicians.
This programs existence has never been confirmed, and an attorney who questioned Bonacci called his story “preposterous.” I filed Freedom of Information Act requests with several branches of the US military and intelligence community, looking for more information. No documents were released. A Navy FOIA officer wrote that the Navy didnt have records like these, but said the CIA might have them. The CIA said in a letter it did not find any such records.
In his sworn testimony against the Omaha businessman Lawrence E. King, Paul Bonacci said King had been both a target of Monarch — that is, someone to be sexually compromised — and one of the people who controlled Bonacci in sexually compromising others.
According a court transcript, he said King brought him to parties in Omaha, on Embassy Row in Washington D.C., and elsewhere.
“If they wanted to get something passed through the legislature or whatever, he would put some people that were against it in a compromising position,” Bonacci told the judge in 1999, though he didnt show proof of that allegation. “By using us boys and girls.”
“Was this by your being the sexual partner of that person?” Judge Warren K. Urbom asked.
“Yes,” Bonacci said.
At that hearing, a man named Rusty Nelson also testified. He said hed been a photographer for Lawrence King, and said that King “obviously was into pimping gay prostitutes and children to, basically for influence purposes. Whether it be politicians or whatever.” Nelson said he knew who Paul Bonacci was, and said King “wanted me to take pictures of Paul, various other children or various other people…in compromising position, you know, sexual type things.”
When Nelson was asked what happened to his pictures, he said King “has a lot of them.” Others were given to Gary Caradori, an investigator who died in a plane crash while he was looking into allegations of child sexual abuse in connection with the failure of the Franklin Community Credit Union in Nebraska. Nelson said the FBI had some of his pictures, and police in Oregon might have others.
(I inquired about this claim with the FBI and the Oregon State Police. Both agencies told me to file records requests. The FBI then refused to confirm or deny it had records on Nelson, and the OSP said it did have records on Nelson but declined to release them because records related to child abuse are confidential.)
“One of the pictures that may be in those is of Johnny Gosch,” Nelson said on the witness stand, although he did not supply further details about the picture.
Noreen always believed what Paul Bonacci said about her son. She says she got further confirmation on March 18, 1997, from Johnny himself.
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Years passed, and then decades. Noreen Gosch kept looking for her son. (Taro Yamasaki)
### Noreen says Johnny visited her and told her what happened to him
By early 1997, Johnny had been missing for almost 15 years. His parents were divorced, and Noreen had moved to her own apartment. She was asleep in bed in the middle of the night when she was awakened by someone knocking on the door.
Noreen got up. She felt afraid, because shed gotten various threats since her son disappeared but she put her face to the door and looked through the peephole. Two men stood in the hallway. She thought one looked like Johnny.
This account is based on sworn testimony she gave at one of Bonaccis court hearings, a summary of an interview with a police detective, a description of the encounter in her book, *Why Johnny Cant Come Home*, and my extensive interviews with her.
Who is it, Noreen asked the man at her door that night in 1997.
Its me, Mom, he said. Its Johnny.
Noreen was shaking. She had imagined this moment for years. Johnny would have been 27 by then, and he was a full-grown man, but she recognized the eyes. “The eyes dont change,” she said later, and this man had the same eyes her little boy once did.
She opened the door. They hugged. It felt good but strange, considering hed been gone for more than half his life. Regardless, the hug further convinced Noreen that this was indeed her son. People have their own vibration, a specific pulse or energy, she said, and this man she was embracing *felt* like Johnny. She invited both men to sit down in the living room, where she said Johnny proved his identity by opening his shirt and showing her the South America-shaped birthmark on his chest.
The other man didnt say much, although he and Johnny sometimes exchanged glances, Noreen said. She wondered if he was controlling Johnny somehow. When she asked Johnny where hed been living, he looked at the other man, who told him not to answer that question. Johnny didnt answer.
Later, Noreen would be heavily criticized for not calling the police. But she had long since lost trust in the police, and had come to suspect more than one law enforcement official of complicity in Johnnys disappearance. “Well, who the hell would call the police that didnt do anything in the first place?” she asked. “Why would I do that? No. I wouldnt put my son in danger from them again.”
Noreen says she did offer to call Roy Stephens, the private investigator whod brought her the Bonacci tapes. But that idea seemed to terrify Johnny. She says he asked her not to, and said he would leave immediately if she did. So Noreen didnt call the investigator. Instead, she tried to catch up on the last 14-and-a-half years of Johnnys life.
She says Johnny told her hed been pulled off the sidewalk into a car, where he lost consciousness. When he woke up in a basement, he was bound and gagged. Johnny was scared, and started crying. He saw another young man. It was Paul Bonacci. And Paul told him, *Just do what they tell you and it will be all right*.
Johnny didnt tell his mother the details of his sexual abuse. But according to Noreen, Johnny told a story that echoed Paul Bonaccis story: Johnny said he was locked in the basement for days, until a man came to buy him from the kidnappers. The man counted out a large sum of cash on a table. He was known as The Colonel. Noreen says Johnny told her he was taken away, moved around the country, and used to sexually compromise businessmen and politicians.
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_17EE3126C8FDC91EC9C07AF5F25613F98D8273303D3F4BEEB6B8A520942E5B4E_1701807658594__WNL2356-1.jpeg)
The apartment complex where Noreen lived in 1997. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
Noreen said the visit lasted only an hour or two, so there wasnt time for Johnny to tell the whole story. Johnny said he was on the run, hiding from the people who took him, barely able to support himself. Hed been unsure if visiting Noreen was a good idea, because during his captivity hed been told she would be killed if he tried to contact her. She said Johnny told her he wouldnt be safe until the perpetrators were arrested and brought to justice. He asked her to do something about it.
And much too soon, Johnny stood up and said he had to go.
Noreen didnt try to stop him. Later, she would be criticized for this as well. But her little boy was already long gone. Johnny could make his own choices now, and there was nothing she could do about it. So she hugged him, and let him vanish again. Noreen walked outside and watched him walk off into the night.
This may be the last time Ill ever see him, she thought to herself.
She went back inside, sat down in the living room and prayed for strength. Her mission was clear, and daunting. Find the rest of the truth. Tell it to the authorities. Force them to act. Leave them no choice but to arrest and convict the perpetrators. Make it safe for Johnny to come out of the shadows.
### But this is America, Noreen kept saying
Twenty-six years later, with her work still unfinished, Noreen poured coffee into a dark blue mug and sat at the kitchen table. Now her kitchen was in the cabin of a boat that was docked in East Dubuque, Illinois, on a waterway that led to the Mississippi River. It was August 2023, and she was spending the summer on the 41-foot boat with her husband, George Hartney, who had also become her partner in the long investigation. Through a window behind Noreen, an American flag could be seen on the bow. Noreen had complicated feelings about that flag.
“I was just a mom, doing my job, raising my kids, cooking,” she said, recalling how innocent she was before September 5, 1982. She didnt know words like *pedophilia*, or phrases like *human trafficking*, and she had no idea any of this stuff was happening around her, outside the walls of her suburban home. As she learned more, through independent research, and private investigators, and experiences with law enforcement, she repeated this one phrase, this little protest, these same four words, trying to hold on to what she once believed.
“But this is *America*,” she kept saying, as those old ideas gave way to something else, a new understanding, a reckoning with the very American forces she believed she would have to overcome.
“The dark side,” said her husband, George.
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Noreen and her husband, George Hartney, spend part of their time on a boat near the Mississippi River. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
Noreen had a long list of suspects in Johnnys disappearance. But a wide space remained between what she suspected and what she could prove. Despite her best efforts, she had *not* made it safe for Johnny to come out of the shadows.
This was the theory Noreen had developed in her 41-year investigation: Her son was kidnapped. The kidnappers were part of a sex-trafficking ring. She believed it had ties to a sexual-blackmail operation, in which her son said hed been forced to participate, and it was all so big, so powerful, so pervasive, that the authorities would never solve it, would never arrest anyone, because, as Noreen had come to believe, *this* is America, where some people are sacrificed because others are above the law.
Still, Noreen kept trying things. Based on new information she received about Orval Cooney, the former West Des Moines police chief, she spoke with John DeCamp, the lawyer who represented Paul Bonacci, about filing a lawsuit against Cooney for misconduct on Johnnys case. She said she hoped more of the truth would come out in discovery.
They were preparing the lawsuit in early 2003 when the former police chief died suddenly at age 69. He had suffered a heart attack.
### A police detective looks back on the Gosch case
Tom Boyd, a retired detective from the West Des Moines Police Department, sits at his kitchen table on a Tuesday morning, drinking a Coke Zero. He wears glasses and has a thin gray beard. On his left forearm is an arrow tattoo that commemorates the day he killed a 10-point buck with a recurve bow. Boyd investigated the Johnny Gosch case for more than two decades and managed to stay on cordial terms with Noreen, which was more than some of his colleagues could do. He says people keep asking him the same question: *Do you believe Noreen when she tells you that Johnny visited her at the apartment?*
Boyd answers carefully.
“Its Noreens statement to me. And thats what she told me.”
“I dont know. I *dont* know. I — I dont want to call Noreen a liar. Noreen is likely grieving the loss of her — her son. It seems weird, yes. And Ive always just kind of thrown the question back. Well, I dont know. Do you believe it?’”
He chuckles.
“And theres a weird factor to it. So thats what makes it hard to believe. But I dont want to call Noreen a liar.”
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1701280103814_USATSI_21911003_.jpg)
Johnnys parents led a massive search for him that continued for years after he disappeared. (Des Moines Register/USA Today Network)
Over the years, a number of people have questioned Noreens credibility. Some say Johnny didnt really visit in 1997. The 2018 “Faded Out” podcast concluded that Noreen was almost entirely wrong about Johnnys case. The host, Sarah DiMeo, cast suspicion on several local pedophiles, including the late Wilbur Millhouse, a former circulation manager for the *Des Moines Register* who pleaded guilty in 1987 to sexually abusing teenage boys.
Noreen says her private investigators checked out Millhouse in the 1980s and found he had an alibi for the kidnapping; he was visiting a relative in Kansas City on the day Johnny vanished. A 1986 *Des Moines Register* story said police had found no link between Millhouse and the Gosch disappearance. Tom Boyd, the retired detective, said he was aware of Millhouse but never ruled him in or out as a potential suspect. Millhouse died in 2015.
All that aside, Noreens theory of the case has remained consistent for three decades. In 1999, she sat down with Boyd at the police station for a videotaped interview.
The detective kept a six-page synopsis from that interview and gave me a copy. It contains most of the key points that she is still making today: Johnny visited her almost 15 years after his disappearance, Johnny confirmed much of what Paul Bonacci said, a man named Emilio took part in the kidnapping, and Johnny was held at a farmhouse outside Sioux City owned by a man named Charlie Kerr.
In that interview with Detective Boyd, Noreen mentioned Lawrence King, Rusty Nelson, and a military officer named Michael Aquino. According to Boyds summary, “she believes that Michael Aquino who is a colonel in the military possibly used military resources to include planes to transfer or transport children across the USA where they were reportedly utilized at sex parties.’”
Boyd took it in and dutifully wrote it down.
“Shes told me so much,” he says at the kitchen table 24 years later. “Ive had so many lengthy conversations with Noreen where — where topics just start branching out everywhere.”
“But Noreen was just always talking of things that couldnt be investigated. And — like Johnny coming to her house. I couldnt investigate that, really. I mean, two years later, what am I going to go do? A door-to-door canvass now at that apartment building and see if anyone remembered the evening or early morning of whatever March something? Its just things that I — I couldnt follow up on. That I couldn't prove didnt happen. But yet again, I couldnt prove were not legit. So there was always this open gray area where I cant say it didn't happen and I cant say it did… Thats how a lot of this investigation has been for me over the years.”
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_17EE3126C8FDC91EC9C07AF5F25613F98D8273303D3F4BEEB6B8A520942E5B4E_1701807010760__WNL2350.jpg)
On a recent visit to West Des Moines, Noreen noticed how much the trees had grown. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
Boyd is right that he couldnt do much to check out the Johnny sighting at Noreens apartment. One could believe her, or not. But some of what she said *was* verifiable.
Lawrence King was real; he was in federal prison for financial crimes, and hed been repeatedly accused of sex crimes against children, though he denied those allegations. Rusty Nelson was real; hed just testified in Bonaccis case against King in federal court. Charlie Kerr was real, and had been previously accused of sexually abusing a minor. (Police reports describe the allegations, but online court dockets give no indication that Kerr was ever prosecuted. Kerr died in 2004.) A retired sheriffs investigator named Dave Kjos told me hed served a search warrant on Kerrs house in the 1990s in an unsuccessful attempt to get information about the Johnny Gosch case. Kjos said he found an odd combination of Disney films, pornography, and what appeared to be love letters from boys.
U.S. Army Lt. Col. Michael Aquino was real, too. Before his death by suicide in 2019, hed been a controversial figure. Aquino was accused in 1987 of kidnapping and sexually assaulting a child as part of a major scandal at the Presidio Army base day-care center. Aquino denied wrongdoing and was not criminally charged. But according to a judges subsequent ruling, Army investigators found “there was probable cause to title LTC Aquino with offenses of indecent acts with a child, sodomy, conspiracy, kidnapping, and false swearing.”
“And Ill have to admit Im guilty of not taking some of that too seriously,” says Boyd, the retired West Des Moines detective. “I didnt look into this Aquino character until much later and realized…his Satanic-cult-type worshippings, things of that nature.”
Boyd says he is sure Johnny was kidnapped. But he doesnt know who did it. Its hard to know what role, if any, people like Kerr and Aquino played in Johnnys case. The case is lost in an investigative purgatory, a wilderness of unanswered questions. Noreen has her theories, but she has yet to prove them. They are intriguing possibilities, but many dots remain unconnected.
I ask Detective Boyd if he should have done more to follow up on the other leads Noreen gave him.
“Yeah,” he says. “Im not perfect.”
“I admit my mistakes.”
Then, of course, there is Paul Bonacci, who was never interviewed by the West Des Moines Police Department despite his professed knowledge of key details about Johnny and his claim of involvement in the kidnapping. Detectives did speak with some of Bonaccis relatives and decided Bonacci couldnt have been in the Des Moines area on the day of Johnnys kidnapping because the relatives said he was with them in Omaha. But those interviews took place almost a decade after Johnny disappeared, and police did not explain how those relatives could have remembered Bonaccis whereabouts so precisely, so many years later.
When I ask Boyd about this, he acknowledges that the West Des Moines Police ruled out Bonacci too quickly.
“Is Paul Bonacci still alive?” he asks. “Is he around?”
He is told that Bonacci is apparently still alive.
“Id talk to him today if I could,” the detective says, and then hes quiet for a long time.
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1702496845225__WNL1429.jpg)
Noreen Gosch holds a copy of her book, “Why Johnny Cant Come Home,” which includes a picture of Paul Bonacci. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
### A reporter finds Paul Bonacci, who is now 56
Later that day, I drive to Nebraska to look for Paul Bonacci. His last known address was on a gravel road near a river west of Omaha. Its late in the afternoon when I pull up and walk toward the Bonacci home. A dog barks loudly, and several cats and kittens mill around. After a knock at the front door, a woman answers. She says Paul isnt home.
As I prepare to drive away, a red pickup truck comes down the gravel road. The driver parks near the Bonacci home and gets out. I wave. Yes, this is Paul Bonacci. Everyone involved in Johnnys case is either dead or much older than they were when it started. Bonacci has just turned 56. Hes got the same dark eyes he had in the videos from three decades earlier. Now he also has a few lines on his face.
Bonacci is reluctant to give a formal interview. Hes skeptical of reporters, and he needs to go pick up his daughter soon. But hes friendly enough, and the conversation continues for about 10 minutes.
I ask if he thinks Johnny Gosch visited Noreen in 1997.
Yes, he says. He *knows* it happened, because Johnny told him about it shortly thereafter. Bonacci says Johnny has visited him, too. Right here at this house.
I ask if Johnny is alive.
Yes, he says. As far as he knows, Johnny is alive. With a family of his own.
Bonacci cuts the conversation short, and doesnt return my texts or phone calls after that. But on a warm afternoon in October, I go back to see him again. Hes in the yard, and hes got work to do, but he doesnt tell me to leave. So I keep him talking and start taking notes.
He doesnt have much new information about the other kidnappers. He never knew Tonys full name, or what became of him. He never learned Emilios full name either, but hes been told Emilio is dead.
The story he tells about Johnny is difficult or impossible to prove. And given the questions about Bonaccis credibility, many people say he does not deserve the benefit of the doubt. Nevertheless, Bonacci stands by his story.
I ask Bonacci if he has any pictures or documents to corroborate what he says.
“Anything I had was destroyed in the flood here,” he says. Bonacci lives near a river, and flooding in 2019 put four feet of water in his house. Hed been hand-writing some notes for a possible book, “about 2,000 pages,” he said, but those notes were left waterlogged and illegible.
Bonacci says hes seen Johnny Gosch 15 or 20 times in all, the last time around 2018. He says Johnny is in hiding, afraid to come out and tell what he knows.
“Hed be killed,” Bonacci says. “Thats what hes afraid of. Hed be silenced.”
### Noreen wishes the truth would finally be acknowledged
Days after my first visit with Bonacci, Im back at the boat in East Dubuque. Noreen and George are eager for news. When theyre told what Bonacci said about Johnny, they agree. Noreen thinks Johnny is alive, with a family of his own. He would be 53 on this day in August, turning 54 in November, and she thinks he could be using another name.
“Hes probably wanted for all kinds of things,” George says, raising the notion that Johnny was forced into criminal activity the same way Paul Bonacci says he was.
![/](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699656376343__WNL1955.jpeg)
Noreen and George have become partners in the independent investigation. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
“But the other reason, too,” Noreen says, “and Paul said this to me one time, he said, Even though Johnny has not been — did not come forward, he said, he knows what youre doing. He keeps tabs on things. And hes not about to come out of hiding to a dog and pony show. Meaning he has watched how I was treated in the news and publicly, and he doesnt want any part of that circus. And Bonacci has said that several times. And if Paul said to you that he believes Johnnys alive, then that means hes had contact with him. That much I know.”
“They keep in touch,” George says. “They all keep in touch.”
“Yeah,” Noreen says, “they do.”
“Its a fraternity,” George says. “Its a strange — you dont want to be in it. But the only people they really trust are each other.”
“Makes them blood brothers, almost,” Noreen says. “And thats a stronger bond than maybe their real families that theyve been separated from for all these years.”
“Id bet money,” George says, “give you 2-to-1 odds, that Johnny knows you were at Pauls house by now.”
There is no way to know how many people are in this secret and unconfirmed network of survivors. But Noreen says shes spoken to more than 100 people who claim to have suffered the same kinds of abuses that Paul and Johnny did.
George says hes met some of these survivors too. Back when he and Noreen still lived in West Des Moines, more than one knocked on the door late at night and just wanted to talk. Their eyes darted around the room to see who might be looking for them, he says. They didnt give names and didnt ask for help. They just wanted someone to listen, and to believe them.
“Sometimes just to get it off your chest makes you feel better,” George says.
Noreen says six people have told her they saw Johnny out there. They knew details about Johnny that had not been publicized. One told Noreen that Johnny had taught him the same relaxation techniques hed learned from Noreens yoga classes. Another said, “Johnny told us that youd be nice to us.”
As George puts it, “Shes kind of the godmother of the victims.”
They say theyve heard other stories about Johnny, too. More sightings from Paul Bonacci and his wife.
“In fact,” Noreen says, “Johnny showed up with a — was it a car seat?”
“Yeah,” George says.
“ — or something,” Noreen says, “when they had their first baby. And gave em a car seat. Bonaccis wife told us. Years ago.”
These days, Noreen and George are both retired. They both enjoy spending time with their grandchildren from previous marriages. They have good friends who stay on neighboring boats. Noreen gets up early and answers questions from members of Facebooks Official Johnny Gosch Group, which has more than 6,000 members. Sometimes, George and Noreen take the pontoon boat up the river and stop for lunch at a dockside restaurant.
“You hungry?” Noreen says.
They walk along the dock, from the big boat to the smaller one. Noreen wears a brace and limps slightly from an injury to her left knee. At the pontoon boat, George hands Noreen a tool that resembles a can opener. He has one too, and together they unfasten the snaps on the faded red cover of the pontoon boat that bobs in the dull green water.
![](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699655994522__WNL2085.jpeg)
In the boat on the river, Noreen and George can travel easily between Illinois, Iowa and Wisconsin. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
![](https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/us/johnny-gosch-missing-iowa-boy-cec-cnnphotos/media/images/s_0BA88B07D044FC5EEB3BDEBAE258E4EC7E0DC027E0623F3360DE5B1885EE0966_1699655995025__WNL1657.jpeg)
When it gets cold around October, they leave the boat and head for Florida. (Will Lanzoni/CNN)
George takes the wheel and guides the boat through the channel. Its a warm and cloudy afternoon. They are asked if they are happy.
“Yeah,” George says.
“Yeah,” Noreen says. “I am.”
A blue heron soars in the middle distance, flapping its long, slender wings. Noreen is asked what she has left to accomplish.
“I would like to see this case resolved and justice served,” she says.
“It would be important to me, before I leave this earth.”
“If the truth would finally be acknowledged.”
George speeds up the boat. The engine gets louder. Hot sunlight comes down through a break in the gray ceiling of clouds. Here is the Mississippi.
“Americas greatest river,” George says.
“Oh,” Noreen says, “that breeze feels good.”
She is still thinking about that question, what she has left to accomplish, and a related one, what she wants most.
“I think the other thing I want is for Johnny to know that I tried,” she says, meaning she did all she could to rescue him when he first disappeared. When he was still a boy.
“I tried everything,” she says. “Everything.”
She interviewed the neighbors herself, pored over diagrams of the crime scene, relentlessly demanded action from the police and the FBI, went on TV countless times to keep the spotlight on his case, was accused of crying too little, and crying too much, was accused of looking too put-together, and not put-together enough, gave over 800 speeches at schools, churches and civic groups about the kind of danger he was in, wrote to President Ronald Reagan, testified before a U.S. Senate subcommittee, helped pass Iowas Johnny Gosch bill to make sure the police didnt wait to start looking for missing children, worked three jobs to help pay for the private investigators who were crisscrossing the country to look for clues, woke up in the middle of the night with new ideas and wrote them down in the notebook she kept on her nightstand, because she was still Johnnys mother, even though he was gone.
George drives the boat up the river. To the left are the bluffs of Dubuque, Iowa, and ahead, past the bridge, is Wisconsin. Johnny is somewhere out there too, in some unknown condition, and Noreen is still talking about him, though its hard to hear her now, with the wind and the engine. Still she keeps talking about Johnny, as if the sound of her voice could keep him alive, and the boat goes north, against the current, up the middle of America.
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Date: 2024-03-24
DocType: "WebClipping"
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Link: https://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/bears-in-the-villa
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```button
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action Save current file
id Save
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^button-AsItalydepopulateswildernessisbackNSave
&emsp;
# As Italy depopulates, wilderness is back
Sandwiched between two national parks on a winding mountain road, the Alpine village of Caldes, Italy, is so small as to barely warrant a label on most maps. With its thirteenth-century castle perched over a valley filled with apple orchards, nourished by the rushing waters of the river Noce, it seems an idyllic slice of rural Alpine life.
Places like Caldes have long provided a welcome refuge for Italians in the summertime, when oppressive heat makes the close quarters of the great cities to the south unbearable. Here they can enjoy the illusion of rugged wilderness, dotted by hotels and holiday homes. In the cool mountain air, tourists bike the great passes of the Dolomites, splash their way down white-water rivers like the Noce, and hike and jog on trails that wind among the narrow valleys.
It was to do exactly this that Andrea Papi left his home in Caldes in the evening of April 5, when the warm daylight of an early spring day yielded to the last of the winter nights. Stopping at an abandoned hut overlooking the valley, Papi took [a short video](https://video.corrieredeltrentino.corriere.it/runner-morto-il-video-prima-dell-aggressione/b0290c6f-ab59-4735-92b0-64364a387xlk), panning over the mountain valley, and posted it to his Instagram. The caption: “Peace ✌”
His peace was short-lived. That night, Papi was killed. When his body was found, it bore the signature marks of something [reportedly not seen](https://www.wired.co.uk/article/rewilding-italy-bear-attack) in Western Europe in modern times: a lethal bear attack.
The story of Andrea Papi may be a tragic anomaly in modern Italy, but it will not be the last like it. To employ the term current among todays restoration ecologists, Italy is “rewilding” at a rapid rate. The centuries-long labor of Italian farmers, shepherds, hunters, and builders to tame the nature at their doorstep and keep predators at bay is now being undone. This is happening both deliberately, via government programs reintroducing large predators in ever-greater numbers, and unintentionally, through the long, slow abandonment of rural Italy, a process already underway for fifty years or more.
And so Italy stands at a cultural crossroad. In renewed proximity to the dangers posed by wild animals, Italians are being forced to reevaluate their relationship to nature, to confront a deep fear of wilderness and learn to live among it. Yet their country is perhaps the only place in the world that has been entirely cultivated for millennia, with little in the way of conserved spaces or cultural memory of how to live next to them. Of all places in the world, Italy may be uniquely unprepared for the return of the wild.
##### Respect for Human Life
Brown bears once roamed widely across Western Europe. But already by the Middle Ages, hunting and habitat degradation had pushed their populations to the east and north. In the Alpine region of Italy, at times with the backing of the state, [brown bears were hunted nearly to extinction](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/235845137_Action_Plan_for_Conservation_of_the_Brown_Bear_in_Europe_Ursus_arctos) — by the mid-1990s, just four were counted in the region around Trento, where Papi was killed.
For the past twenty-some years, however, an [E.U.-funded program called Life Ursus](https://grandicarnivori.provincia.tn.it/L-orso/Storia-sull-arco-alpino/Il-Progetto-di-reintroduzione-Life-Ursus) has imported brown bears to Northern Italy to boost the regions number of breeding pairs, taking candidates from its eastern neighbor Slovenia, where forests less pressed upon by human activity are still capable of sheltering a reasonably healthy bear population.
Though the program has undoubtedly succeeded in its aim — the brown bear population is now [estimated at over 100](https://www.ansa.it/english/news/2023/04/11/bears-may-be-moved-from-trentino-after-runners-death_90474d28-8488-4ffa-8e4f-73a523a4ec2e.html) in the region — it has not been without controversy. By 2015, attacks on sheep and close contact with locals had become common enough to prompt warnings from the provincial authorities and a [formal complaint](https://www.europarl.europa.eu/doceo/document/E-8-2015-010094_EN.html) to the European Parliament.
Andrea Papis assailant, it turned out, was a bear designated JJ4, a female descendant of a Life Ursus bear named Jurka that had been [deemed “problematic”](https://www.ladige.it/cronaca/2023/04/20/per-jurka-mamma-di-jj4-una-nuova-vita-da-star-in-un-parco-della-foresta-nera-1.3475823)  for its close encounters with humans, and moved to a sanctuary in Germany. Two of JJ4s siblings had [exhibited similar aggressive behaviors](https://www.admin.ch/gov/en/start/documentation/media-releases.msg-id-18286.html) and had been shot and killed in neighboring countries. JJ4 herself had already once threatened humans, defending her cubs by charging at a father and son she encountered on a hike.
At the time of Papis death, JJ4 was seventeen years old — approaching old age for a bear. Her last litter of cubs, born in 2021, had already grown to independence. In a public statement, Papis mother vowed to “fight to the end to do justice,” and called on local leaders to “[restore Andreas dignity](https://www.rainews.it/tgr/trento/articoli/2023/04/la-madre-di-andrea-papi-lotteremo-perch-andrea-abbia-giustizia-23dfc54d-ed96-4a73-aacf-76908928d7dc.html).” Facing public outrage, the regional president, Maurizio Fugatti, decided that JJ4 would be captured and killed.
The decision incensed animal rights groups, including Italys Anti-Vivisection League (LAV), which [volunteered to pay](https://www.lav.it/aree-di-intervento/animali-selvatici/orsa-jj4) for the bear to be transferred to a sanctuary in Romania. Fugatti was painted as a bloodthirsty villain. Protesters gathered to [chant “murderer”](https://www.open.online/2023/04/30/orso-m62-morto-brambilla-bracconaggio-colpa-fugatti-video/)  outside his home. An [anonymous envelope addressed to his office](https://www.open.online/2023/05/29/trento-fugatti-minacce-busta-proiettile/) carried a bullet, and a message: “the next one is for you.”
LAV spokespersons accused Fugatti of playing on the fears of locals for political gain. The government was “more interested in the moods of their electorate than in … the promotion of a peaceful and conscious coexistence,” [their petition read](https://www.lav.it/orsi). “On October 22, 2023 there will be elections,” Massimo Vitturi, a LAV campaigner, [told the media](https://www.thewatcherpost.it/ambiente/ci-sono-alternative-per-jj4-lintervista-con-massimo-vitturi/). “And the theme of bears is very much felt in those parts.”
But in the end, it was not up to the politicians to decide. On July 13, after months of legal wrangling, the Council of State, a kind of high court to review the decisions of public officials, [ruled](https://www.rainews.it/tgr/trento/articoli/2023/07/il-consiglio-di-stato-dice-no-allabbattimento-dellorsa-jj4-c79a094d-72e7-451c-a302-634fd496c993.html) that euthanizing JJ4 would be “disproportionate” to its crimes. “I wonder if there is still respect for human life,” Fugatti [fired back](https://www.rainews.it/tgr/trento/articoli/2023/07/il-consiglio-di-stato-dice-no-allabbattimento-dellorsa-jj4-c79a094d-72e7-451c-a302-634fd496c993.html). The decision “makes us wonder if the life of an animal or that of a human being is worth more.”
Its still not clear what JJ4s final fate will be, but the decision to spare its life has left concerned residents on edge. With an ever-growing number of bears forced into interactions with humans, the question of whose life matters more is no longer an academic one.
##### Dominance and Dominion
In Italian, there is no direct translation for the word “wilderness.” At conservation events and on nature reserve signs, you are just as likely to see it rendered in English — *la wildernes**s* — as its closest Italian correlates: *deserto* (desert), *riserva naturale* (nature reserve); or *zona naturale incontaminata* (uncontaminated nature area).
In many ways, Italians simply never knew an untamed wilderness like that which inspired the likes of Henry David Thoreau and the Wilderness Society in America. Already by the seventh millennium b.c., the historian Catherine Delano-Smith [writes](https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780203426906-13/wilderness-roman-times-catherine-delano-smith), Italys southern coastline was home to one of the most densely settled regions in prehistoric Europe, and to some of the worlds earliest farmers. Around scattered homesteads, hamlets, and then larger villages, prehistoric Italians were already clearing the pine and hazel scrub that were emerging after the retreat of Europes glaciers, defining the limits of ancient forests before they could even take a “natural” shape.
By the time of the Greek playwright Sophocles, in the fifth century b.c., it already seemed well understood that humanity had left a permanent imprint on the Mediterranean landscape. “Terrible wonders walk the world but none the match for man,” he [wrote](https://public.wsu.edu/~hughesc/ode_to_man.htm). “The oldest of the gods he wears away — the Earth.”
![](https://www.thenewatlantis.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Last-ruins.jpg)
FromOldBooks.org / Alamy
Among the ancient Romans, it was seen as a point of pride to “create a sort of second nature within the world of nature,” as Cicero [put it](https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Nature_of_the_Gods/JhQ4aXatR08C?hl=en&gbpv=1&bsq=create%20a%20sort%20of%20second%20nature%20within%20the%20world%20of%20nature). The gardens of the Roman grand villas were a model of “improved” nature and “a statement against its uncontrollability,” the historian Lukas Thommen [writes](https://books.google.com/books?id=tGBYy6wYyFYC&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false). Dark forests were transformed into open groves and rolling fields; tumbling rivers into smooth waters leading into calm reservoirs. The ancient appreciation of nature, the historian Henry Fairclough [found](https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.280825/page/n15/mode/2up), was largely “confined to a sentiment for what is lovely and charming to the eye.”
By contrast, unmanaged landscapes, Thommen writes, were seen as barbarous, ugly, and undesirable — the place of wild animals, savage Germanic tribes, and questionable gods like the tricksy faun Pan. The same regions that would move later Romantic writers — think of the rugged peaks of the Alps — were labeled by Roman writers as *ferus*, *foedus*, *horridus*, *occultu**s*: wild, horrible, horrid, dark.
Slightly more respect was given to wild creatures — a she-wolf, after all, nursed the founders of Rome, and the wolf served as a totem animal for Mars, the god of war. Seeing a wolf thus became a good omen for Romans, even if they still needed culling, from time to time, to protect the rural farmer. (The [first record of a wolf bounty](https://academic.oup.com/book/3084/chapter-abstract/143871850?redirectedFrom=fulltext) appears to be from the sixth century b.c. — under the rule of Solon of Athens, a single male wolf could fetch five drachmas.)
But other wild animals were not so lucky. Across the Roman world, vast numbers of untamed and exotic animals were hunted, captured, and slaughtered in circus spectacles. The emperor Augustus [once boasted](https://canvas.brown.edu/files/56929935/download?download_frd=1&verifier=eDpE4hX43pMqThkoPG90V2EsXDUqs1Iwg9cz1ABS) of holding 26 such animal hunts, killing 3,500 animals — his successors then tried to outdo him. Bears in particular suffered from this treatment; their remains turn up often in Roman ruins. By late antiquity, their sacrifice, the archaeologist Frank Salvadori [writes](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1040618217302409), was “a symbol of the affirmation of urban civility and of Roman dominance over nature and the chaos associated with it.”
As Rome suffered its long decline, that dominance over nature became increasingly tenuous. Plague, civil war, invasion, and economic collapse combined to cause a [rapid emptying of much of rural Italy](https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/20627545.pdf?refreqid=excelsior%3Aff6abd35564b77be16d4eadcea7df00b&ab_segments=0%2Fbasic_search_gsv2%2Fcontrol&origin=&initiator=&acceptTC=1), followed by the [collapse of its villa-based system](https://ricerca.uniba.it/handle/11586/257903) of agriculture. But while the end of Romes prosperity brought an end also to many of its decadent abuses of animals, this did not defeat the pessimistic vision of nature underlying those abuses. Instead, this vision seemed confirmed by the [rapid reclamation](https://esajournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/eap.2758) of agricultural land by dank swamps and dark forests, which swallowed some Roman settlements whole.
When Italy reemerged from its dark age toward the end of the eighth century, many new communities [had been established](https://archive.org/details/humanlandscapesi0000unse/page/262/mode/2up) with a completely different relationship to their natural surroundings. Gone was the city in the open field, forests cleared back and enemies kept at bay by vast legions. The towns of medieval Italy were much more likely to be perched atop a hill, surrounded by natural defenses; the untamed wilderness the Romans despised became a useful ally against roving mercenaries.
But while cities and towns benefited from their closer contact with nature, the newly ascendant teachings of Christianity placed human beings in a new relationship to these surroundings. In Genesis, God gives Adam dominion over the garden he was tasked to keep, and nature in the Middle Ages was often viewed as a mirror of the human self. The monastic [control of waters](https://www.environmentandsociety.org/sites/default/files/key_docs/arnold-13-4.pdf) believed to have healing powers, and the [felling of pagan groves](https://is.muni.cz/publication/1857340/2022_Dynamics_of_Medieval_Landscape_Introduction.pdf), were motivated by the economic needs of the Church, yes — but also by the clear example they set of how nature, like the spirit, could be transformed from pagan savagery to Christian purity.
What wilderness that was allowed to remain [was reimagined](https://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc501240/m2/1/high_res_d/1002659539-Sholty_COLOR.pdf), as a distant place of trial and transformation, where the holy man could withdraw from society to test his faith against temptation. The animals of the wilderness [took on an allegorical significance](https://bestiary.ca/etexts/evans-animal-%20symbolism-in-ecclesiastical-architecture.pdf): the wolf and bear were coupled with the Devil, as symbols of the sins of rapaciousness, stubbornness, and anger. One eleventh-century relief from Germany even shows a bear whispering in the ear of Pontius Pilate. In his *Divine Comedy*, Dante departs the darkened wood of his spiritual confusion to encounter a panther, a lion, and a wolf — representing the sins of luxury, pride, and greed.
But like sins and temptation, beasts, too, could be overcome by holy men. St. Francis [famously befriended](https://www.medieval.eu/why-was-the-medieval-wolf-hunted-to-extinction/amp/) the wolf of Gubbio, in Umbria, curing it of its rapaciousness. When a bear killed his horse, St. Romediuss great gentility [reportedly allowed him](https://www.visitvaldinon.it/en/the-legend-of-the-trentino-bear-and-saint-romedius) to tame and bridle it. He rode it through the Val di Non to visit a friend in Trento — through the very same mountain region where Andrea Papi jogged last spring.
##### Down to the Last Person
As in the medieval stories, Italy has nearly always seen the wilderness as a place where human will triumphs over nature. Despite the wars and plagues that have from time to time depopulated it, Italys countryside has, for much of the last thousand years, been a bustling patchwork of small-scale agricultural activity. Its iconic terraced hillsides, like those in Cinque Terre, were home to family vineyards, orchards, and market gardens. A single rural town could support dozens of shepherding families and hundreds of sheep, fueling an entire industry of artisanal cheese production. Such small-scale economies shaped the Italian countryside by ensuring the continual presence of farmers on the land, keeping untamed nature — and wild animals — at bay.
But since the middle of the twentieth century, a change has been underway that is rapidly diminishing human influence over Italys landscapes. Since the Second World War, Italys rural areas have been emptying at a rate likely not seen since the collapse of the Roman Empire. Towns across the peninsula are aging and depopulating even to the point of disappearance. The marginalization of small-scale agriculture across Italy, and the growing divide in quality of life between the cities and their rural hinterlands, has erased what economic futures existed in the countrys mountain villages, plunging them into a deep demographic crisis.
Some small towns, like [the hamlet of Cicogna](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00167428.2020.1869905?journalCode=utgr20) in Italys Val Grande National Park, have seen their populations decline by over 95 percent over the past century. Robert Hearn, a researcher at the University of Nottingham who studies human geography in the north of Italy, said that in just the fifteen years he has been visiting the region, he has seen a marked decline. “Weve seen towns go down to the last person,” he told me by phone.
In other regions, those families once charged with the generational task of maintaining the land are being displaced by mere visitors. Since becoming a hotspot for travelers, Cinque Terre has transformed from a collection of tiny seaside villages to a top destination for the summer homes of the rich and famous. Today, the families that once cultivated its terraced vineyards have given them up to run hotels and Airbnbs, or else moved away entirely. Around the town of Portofino, the land under cultivation has shrunk by 40 percent since the 1930s. Farming in the region, [one study notes](https://sciendo.com/article/10.2478/jlecol-2014-0008), has reached its “end stage.”
As they did during Romes collapse, these seismic demographic shifts are having profound impacts on the natural landscape. The steep terraces of Cinque Terre, a millennium old, are now crumbling from abandonment, accelerating soil erosion. Olive groves and vineyards are giving way to scrubland and forest.
In the town of Castelsaraceno, in Italys south, the number of sheep has dropped by [90 percent](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/ldr.3583) in the last few decades, leaving once vast common pastures unmaintained. Since 1936, the land in the region covered with forest has more than doubled. About [a fifth](https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ihor-Soloviy/publication/280940232_Afforestation_in_Ukraine_-_Potential_and_Restrictions/links/55cd511108aebebb8f578035/Afforestation-in-Ukraine-Potential-and-Restrictions.pdf#page=152) of Italys forests are like this. But without owners to maintain them, they are increasingly vulnerable to forest fires and attacks by parasites.
##### Where There Is Anything to Eat
Rural abandonment alone is problem enough, but the encroaching woods also provide convenient cover for wolves, bears, and wild boars, with which Italians have not had to share the land for a century. As the ecologists Pietro Piussi and Davide Pettenella [have written](https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ihor-Soloviy/publication/280940232_Afforestation_in_Ukraine_-_Potential_and_Restrictions/links/55cd511108aebebb8f578035/Afforestation-in-Ukraine-Potential-and-Restrictions.pdf#page=153), “depopulation is not simply a demographic process…. cultural values vanish too.” With the decline of rural life and the return of wild animals, many Italians are left with no cultural memory of the animals they increasingly come into contact with, and no knowledge of how exactly to deal with them.
![](https://www.thenewatlantis.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Last-Hercules-edited-1280x2048.jpg)
*Hercules and the Erymanthian Boar*, bronze cast, late 17th or 18th century, after a model by Giambologna, ca. 1570s.
Public domain via [Met Museum](https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/207005)
In Liguria, Robert Hearn [found](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0743016714000710), wild boars had been a distant memory since at least the 1860s, hunted to extinction by aristocrats. When boars started to return as the countryside emptied in the 1960s, the first man to kill a boar on a hunt, having no experience with the animal, didnt know how to bring it home, nor did those cooking the meat know how to prepare it, so it was eaten half raw.
Today, however, wild boars [number more than 80,000](https://www.ansa.it/english/news/2022/07/12/boar-bites-woman-on-genoa-beach_9ebc0394-eaa5-43a7-811d-76e0645c7fc6.html#:~:text=Boar%20have%20been%20making%20increasingly,Liguria%20was%20now%20over%2080%2C000.) in Liguria alone. Some [2.3 million](https://www.coldiretti.it/economia/covid-23-mln-di-cinghiali-assediano-citta-e-campagne) trouble farmers across Italy, trampling fields, devouring crops, damaging fences, and spreading disease. This rapid growth has given rise to wild speculations. When boars first proliferated, farmers in Liguria [imagined](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0743016714000710) that they had swum there from Sardinia, or been imported from Hungary by environmental activists or hunting enthusiasts. Some even blamed a single mysterious “doctor from Parma.”
But the reality was more mundane. Boars no longer needed to compete with humans and evade hunters to survive. Instead, they had ample abandoned chestnut groves and gardens to feed on. “If the woods were clean there would be less problems,” one farmer [told](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0743016714000710) Hearn. “But now its too dirty, too full of food for them, and so they have more litters, and so cause more damage.” In his interviews, Hearn found more than a few old-timers for whom damage caused by boars was the last straw that made them quit farming altogether and abandon their lands. Its become a bitter cycle.
Boars may destroy ancient infrastructure and make commercial farming less viable, but they can at least be hunted as a source of food — today, their meat is [increasingly common](https://www.google.com/search?q=sagre+cinghiale&oq=sagre+cinghiale&aqs=edge..69i57.3014j0j1&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) at local-food festivals. But the same feedback loop of rural damage, abandonment, and animal proliferation also benefits more dangerous predators like bears and wolves.
Fifty years ago, it was estimated that there were just a few hundred wolves left in Italy. “Now, we are talking about 4,000,” Luigi Boitani, a biologist at the Sapienza Università di Roma and one of the worlds leading experts on large predator reintroduction, told me over Zoom. “We have not had so many wolves in 500 years.”
Although boars cause far greater damage, wolves uniquely play on fears of rural abandonment. Their gradual encroachment on cities and towns is like something out of a dark fairy tale. For centuries, the ecologist Henry Buller [wrote](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1068/a4055), “the wolf has … held an iconic status, largely as a powerful, savage, and menacing natural otherness.” It has long been “the *enemi* *sans pareil* for shepherds and farmers across the Earth,” known for menacing sheep and other livestock, kept at bay only by constant vigilance.
With wolves once hunted almost to extinction, Buller writes that in the second half of the twentieth century they underwent “an almost ontological *volte face*,” an about-face. Increasingly, they were viewed as victims, not vermin, in need of protection as a vulnerable species at risk of disappearance. As Buller notes, this shift reflected a fundamental change in attitude about the relative value of wild and managed natural landscapes in Europe. Importing ideas from the American wilderness movement, European conservationists sought to carve off spaces immune from human contact, and saw top predators like wolves as “symbolic heralds of a newly reinvigorated naturality.”
But many rural land users have begged to differ. The pasture lands and rural landscapes they and their forebears have managed for centuries are now far more difficult to maintain with large predators feeding on their flocks. Thousands of livestock animals are killed by wolves [in Italy](https://www.europarl.europa.eu/RegData/etudes/STUD/2018/617488/IPOL_STU(2018)617488_EN.pdf#page=47) each year. France counted about [10,000 in 2019](https://www.inrae.fr/en/news/wolves-and-livestock-farming-france-assessment-27-years-coexistence). Hearn told me he once interviewed a farmer who had purchased sixteen sheep with his pension and lost them all to wolves within two weeks. “He just starts weeping in his kitchen,” Hearn recounted.
Some [skeptical ecologists](https://sci-hub.mksa.top/10.1068/a4055) — alongside many rural opponents of wolf conservation programs — see pro-wolf efforts as reflective of an increasingly urbanized society, where people are less likely to fear wolves because they are less likely to encounter them. Others see [outright conspiracy](https://shs.hal.science/halshs-00370445/document): efforts by environmentalists and conservationists to undermine farmers, devalue their work, and push them from the land.
But wolves, Buller [writes](https://sci-hub.mksa.top/10.1068/a4055), are simply opportunists. In France, wolves have proliferated because of an unnatural abundance of food — some 50 percent of their diet is estimated to be domesticated sheep, and it is unlikely that wolves could survive in large numbers without access to such an ample food supply. Their growing proximity to managed nature makes their abundance possible.
Rural depopulation exacerbates this problem. It is bringing the woods that wolves use for cover closer to human settlement, and giving them more space to proliferate unchecked, to the point that their status as a protected species in the European Union is [now in doubt](https://www.euronews.com/my-europe/2023/09/04/eu-will-review-the-protection-status-of-wolves-as-ursula-von-der-leyen-warns-of-real-dange). “If we have so many wolves in Italy now, its because of the abandonment of mountain agriculture,” Boitani said. “The best definition of a wolf habitat is: anywhere where there is anything to eat and they are not shot. And there is plenty of that in Italy.”
Rural abandonment is also erasing the cultural memory of how wolves were, for millennia, part of rural life. Boitani postulates that ancient Mediterranean farming societies could manage wolves better because, with long-term exposure to one another, “you learn about the wolves around you, and leave the possibility of the wolves learning about you.” By contrast, todays wolves are strangers passing through an empty landscape.
##### The Greatest Majority Does Not Like the Bears
The reintroduction of bears to the Trento region has been more deliberate than the largely unplanned resurgence of the wolf, but the response so far of rural residents has been about the same. Andrea Papis tragic death has reignited debates first prompted by the wolf about the balance between biodiversity and safety, and whether it is wise to bring big predators back to a region where humans have enjoyed unchallenged dominion for so long.
The bears defenders are not without examples of successful coexistence they can point to. In the central Italian region of the Apennine Mountains, [an isolated population of a few dozen brown bears](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1617138123000924) has lived alongside rural communities for centuries. Locals maintain an overwhelmingly positive attitude toward them, appreciating even the way the bears fearlessly encroach on human settlement. The [death of a three-year-old bear](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/24/italian-bear-juan-carrito-famous-for-bakery-break-in-dies-after-being-hit-by-car) named Juan Carrito, famous for swiping biscuits from local bakeries and resisting efforts to banish him to distant mountaintops, was treated like the passing of a local celebrity.
But amid the spirit of fear and vengeance that has gripped Trento in recent years, it would be naïve to suggest such a friendly relationship could be easily created, even with years of outreach and education. The bear-loving culture of the Apennines is born of five centuries of close coexistence — the first written records of bears in that region [go back to the fifteenth century](https://www.jstor.org/stable/20204111). With their small, condensed population, these bears live only by the continuing consent of the people that surround them. In this sense they are not really wild at all, and locals have long learned to manage what inconveniences the animals occasionally pose.
“Coexistence was achieved by a lot of tolerance toward the animals themselves and toward the damage caused by them,” Boitani said. “If the damage is above a certain level, the traditional method of the local shepherd involves killing some of them. So, there is this balance.”
The virulent reaction to the case of JJ4 by animal rights activists, who treat every animals life as sacred, suggests that such a balance may no longer be possible to strike in places where coexistence with large predators is a new phenomenon, and where the desire to occasionally enact revenge will be the greatest. Here, Boitani suggests that conscious displays of human domination — including, in some situations, the decision to kill a predator — may be a necessary cost for maintaining local support for the predators, by restoring a sense of control to residents. “That authorization for killing … is actually a powerful political tool,” Boitani said.
Maurizio Fugatti, president of the Trento region, appears determined to exercise this power. Seemingly in response to the high courts decision to spare JJ4s life, Fugatti ordered the deaths of two wolves in a historic first, ostensibly to assuage local concerns that they were increasingly attacking cattle herds. That decision, too, was suspended following challenges from animal rights groups. Lacking official sanction, it appears residents are turning to more extreme measures. Since Papis death, bears have been turning up dead in the woods around Trento, likely the result of illegal poaching. In fighting to spare JJ4s life, Boitani said, animal rights activists may have won a battle but lost a war — “because now, the greatest majority does not like the bears.”
##### A Certain Childishness
Those who would exercise their powers over nature to push large predators once again near to extinction may be fighting a losing battle, too. In much of Italy, such domination could at best be only a temporary illusion. As Boitani points out, these animals are proliferating because human beings are no longer active enough in rural areas to manage and define the emerging wilderness as they once did. Facing a retreat of human settlement on such a massive scale, many Italians will not have the privilege of deciding what kind of wilderness they will live beside.
That means that Italys future wilderness will likely be neither the scientifically constructed Eden of rewilding advocates nor the strictly bordered liminality rural residents might want. Instead, it may become something less controlled — and more threatening — than either side would like to admit. But such a shift may present an opportunity, of sorts, to redefine the Italian relationship to wilderness in a way that is much more authentic to European history than the idealism of American conservationists that has so far held sway.
Throughout the long history of wilderness as a concept in Europe, one quality has perhaps been the most enduring and essential: fear. For the ancients, wilderness was a place of supernatural beasts and evil portents; for medieval Europeans, a dangerous frontier inhabited by unknown perils and temptations. When the Italian Baroque painter Salvator Rosa tried to revive an appreciation of rugged nature, it was the sensation of *terribilità* [he tried to evoke](https://books.google.it/books?hl=en&lr=&id=HSnpBwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=wilderness+in+early+medieval+literature+italian&ots=Na96fghAse&sig=jU13rFRE12t_60h54ua_aDMr67A&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false) — a sublime sense of power, beauty, and danger.
Todays Europeans are perhaps well primed to feel this fear again as the ancients did. Robert Hearn notes that as Europeans encounters with wild animals have become less common, “a certain childishness” has crept into their relationship with nature — a naïve love of animals coupled with a petulant demand for control. But as many Italians are rapidly learning, wild animals are not saintly sidekicks and cheeky bandits, and neither are they sacred creatures possessed of the kind of individual dignity that makes their death in every case a crime.
A more mature relationship to these creatures may require the embrace of respectful fear, the kind that defined the attitudes of the Romans and medieval Christians: recognition, in these animals strength, of our own weakness, of the limits we once felt more freely to our power over nature.
It may be the case that no true wilderness is possible without such existential fear. Successful coexistence with wild animals, Hearn says, comes down to “peoples willingness to lose” — lose their crops, their animals, and maybe, from time to time, even their very lives. In exchange, we receive *terribilità*: a perspective, for a moment, outside ourselves, where we see that our terrific wonders can sometimes be terribly small.
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# Bear Hibernation: Uncovering Black Bear Denning Secrets in Arkansas
The first thing to know about bear hibernation is that bears don't actually hibernate
![Natalie Krebs Avatar](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/02/Screen-Shot-2022-03-02-at-12.58.35-PM.png?w=102&h=102&crop=1)
![](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/05/blackbearden_nps-copy.jpg?w=2048)
A black bear in her den with cubs. NPS
When Myron Means poked his head into the den, the sow was already awake. The crevice den was cramped, and she turned away from him as he raised the dart gun.
The black bear had chosen to den in a crevice on a south-facing slope, just off an overgrown logging road deep in the Ozark Mountains. She had been pregnant when she picked this spot in the fall and raked all the leaves toward the narrow entrance for insulation. By the time we arrived in early March, her two cubs were six weeks old and growing fast.
![Myron Means holds two bear cubs during a den check.](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/05/myron_means_bear_cubs.jpg)
Myron Means holds two cubs during a den check. He estimates the cubs, which weighed 6.5 pounds, were 7 to 8 weeks old. Courtesy of Myron Means
Means is the large carnivore program coordinator for the Arkansas Fish and Game Commission, and he spends more than half the year in the field studying the states growing bear population. During the winter months, he conducts den checks with a team of wildlife professionals to examine sows and their cubs. Den checks help biologists like Means understand the reproductive and recruitment (or survival) rates of their states bear populations. Den checks are also a great opportunity to educate the public on bear behavior and bust myths by answering common questions such as: Do bears hibernate?
It only took a few minutes for the anesthesia to kick in. As soon as it did, Means and his team got to work.
## Where Do Bears Hibernate?
In his 27 years of studying black bears and their denning behavior, Means has found hibernating bears in all kinds of places: tucked into rock crevices and briar patches, under root balls and brush piles, inside burn piles and tree hollows. Once, he had to climb 30 feet into the canopy to dart a black bear that had denned in a rotten tree cavity so he could change her radio collar.
Bears choose their dens based on their available habitat. Arkansas black bears in the Ozark Mountains, for instance, tend to den in rock crevices. Along the White River, where winter flooding is common, black bears make their dens high in the trees. In the Ouachita Mountains, bears choose dug-out dens under root balls. In the states southern Gulf Coastal Plain, they often choose briar thickets. Most people, says Means, can walk right past a bear den and never even know the animal is there.
“The whole idea is the bear tries to find as small and constricted a space as possible,” says Means. “That way theres less energy for her to heat it and stay warm.”
## Bears Are Not True Hibernators
When it comes to bear hibernation, most people imagine the childrens storybook version: Bears find a roomy cave in the fall, sleep all winter long, and wake up only when spring arrives. In reality, bears are not true hibernators. But hibernation is the most common description for what bears do in the winter. [Hibernation is how bears have adapted](https://www.jstor.org/stable/3872930) to seasonal food shortages, low temps, and nasty winter weather. Its also when they give birth.
Hibernation is characterized by three key physiological changes: A reduced metabolism, a slower heart rate, and a lowered body temperature. Groundhogs, for example, are one of the few mammals that truly hibernate. They drop their body temperature from around 99°F to below 40°F during hibernation. Groundhogs also sleep without waking while hibernating.
![Bear hibernation is a misnomer since bears, like this sow, go into den cycles instead of truly hibernating.](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/05/bear_den_cubs-mississippi.jpg)
A black bear sow and her cubs in a crevice den. Mississippi DWFP
Black bears are more like estivators, says Means, which means they stay in a prolonged state of torpor or dormancy. Most of a bears bodily functions slow during its denning cycle in the winter—including its metabolism, respiration, and heart rate—but a bears body temperature only drops by a few degrees. A black bears body temperature hovers around 100 to 101°F in the summer; during hibernation, it falls to between 88 and 98°F, according [to key research](https://www.bearstudy.org/images/stories/Publications/Ubiquitous_American_Black_Bear.pdf) conducted in the 1980s. Similarly, a summer bears heart beat can range from 40 to 50 beats per minute; during hibernation, it drops to 8 to 19 beats per minute.
After Means and his team darted the sow, they checked her vitals. (While the anesthesia will affect the bears vitals, theyre still representative of bear hibernation.) The sow was breathing fewer than eight breaths per minute. Her body temperature was 97.8°F.
So in other words, bears sleep and are sluggish during the winter, but they dont enter the sort of coma-like state that a groundhog does. They also move frequently in their dens. Biologists know this thanks to [den checks](https://www.agfc.com/en/news/2023/03/29/bear-den-surveys-reflect-effects-of-summer-drought/), [den cameras](https://www.pgc.pa.gov/Wildlife/WildlifeSpecies/BlackBear/Pages/From-Under-the-Deck.aspx), and [collar-tracking programs](https://myfwc.com/research/wildlife/terrestrial-mammals/bear/tracking/). For example: Arkansas black bears have historically been fitted with VHF radio collars. If that collar doesnt move for four hours, it starts to transmit a mortality signal. Even during the winter, says Means, few mortality signals occur.
“Sure, if theyre undisturbed for days, theyll sleep. A lot of times when \[our\] pilot flies \[to check collar signals\], he may hit a mortality signal,” Means says. “And then we go in to do groundwork and its an active signal. Yeah, bears can lay there for probably a day or two without moving in sleep \[but\] theyre always awake when we go in on them. They smell us, they hear us, and they wake up.”
While every animal is different during bear hibernation (Means has walked right up to a denning sow that didnt move, while another sow on another den check ran when she heard his team approaching), this rule is true for [bears across North America](https://www.jstor.org/stable/3872551). Grizzlies and black bears in Alaska, for example, dont sleep all winter long, despite longer den cycles and harsh conditions at that higher latitude.
Staying awake during den cycles could be an evolutionary response for a few reasons, says Means, including defense from predation. While most wild critters wont tangle with a bear even when its asleep, male bears are known cub predators.
![Bear hibernation duration and denning spots vary by location.](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/05/bear_den_tree.jpg)
A black bear den high in a tree in Arkansas; the alert bear. Myron Means
“Males will kill cubs if they have a chance to get \[a female bear\] to come back into estrous that spring. But we really dont have dense enough bear populations in Arkansas for infanticide to account for much mortality. In some really high-density states [like New Jersey](https://www.outdoorlife.com/hunting/new-jersey-black-bear-hunting/), infanticide can account for as much as 30 percent of mortality. We dont have densities anywhere near those states.”
## When Do Bears Hibernate?
The timing of bear hibernation typically depends on latitude. The farther north a bear lives, the sooner it will enter its den in the fall and the later it will leave its den in the spring. This can last anywhere from five to seven months in Canada and Alaska. The farther south a bear lives, the shorter its hibernation period or, more accurately, its den cycle. Arkansas black bears arent much bothered by inclement weather, says Means, and bears in general dont enter den cycles in response to cold temperatures or snowfall. (Means once performed a den check on a sow that was denned in the open woods. She was covered in a layer of fresh snow and her cubs were curled under her belly, warm and healthy.) Instead, food availability dictates bear hibernation.
**Read Next:** [What Do Black Bears Eat?](https://www.outdoorlife.com/hunting/what-do-black-bears-eat/)
“When a bear starts to go into an energy deficit, thats when the mountain bears are going to start their denning cycles,” says Means, again referring to the black bear populations in the Ozark and Ouachita Mountains of Arkansas. “In south Arkansas, because of all the lease lands and all the deer leases, its just a different food dynamic on the landscape down there. Bears dont have to go den in November because theres still plenty of food to eat.”
As long as a bear isnt experiencing an energy deficit (when foraging requires more energy than the forage itself provides), that bear doesnt need to den. Even pregnant sows can wait until its time to give birth before denning.
![Bear hibernation ends in spring.](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/05/black_bear.jpg)
The timing of when black bears emerge from their dens depends on where they live. Neal Herbert / NPS
“A lot of females that we had down \[in south Arkansas\] that had yearlings this year never really locked down on anyplace to den. And males are the same way. Males may not even really have a den cycle in south Arkansas.”
Details on denning chronology, or the timing of when different sexes and certain females go into dens, is limited in Arkansas, says Means, but there is a definite order to when black bears begin to enter dens.
“We know that pregnant females are the first to go in,” says Means. “Females with yearlings go in after that, and then males go in after that.”
## What Do Den Cycles Have to Do with Hunting Season?
Understanding when bears typically enter and exit their dens can help state wildlife agencies set hunting season dates.
“Its kind of crazy to think but the denning chronology of South Gulf Coastal Plain bears is tremendously different than up here in the mountains,” says Means, referring to a distance of just a few hundred miles. “They den for about the same duration, but its much later—probably a month or a month and a half behind what our mountain bears demonstrate. Thats a big part of the equation when youre looking at setting hunting seasons, \[especially\] if youre trying to bias harvest toward males or trying to increase your harvest. A lot of bear management is \[based on\] when you set those seasons.”
Arkansas [recently secured funding](https://bloodorigins.org/project-arkansas-black-bear-collaring-project/) to replace some of its VHF radio collars with higher-tech GPS collars. This should help biologists like Means gain a better understanding of black bear denning chronology, which in turn will help inform the timing of the states bear hunting seasons.
“I used to think that, more than likely, females are going into the den sometime between early and late November based on food availability and their reproductive status. Then \[in fall 2022\] we had a couple really odd things happen,” says Means. “We had some females actually start a denning cycle in October. So that really kind of raised the question because a lot of our bears are translocated from northern latitudes. When we have bear season on an average year, are a lot of bears in a den cycle already? So we want to be able to capture location information and timing going into den cycles.”
Thats why Means performs as many den checks as possible across the state instead of just checking a few dens.
“Its just a completely different dynamic down there. And really the only common denominator between how we will or need to manage those southern bears and the bears in the mountains is the fact that theyre bears.”
Because den checks during bear hibernation also provide key information on reproductive and survival rates of a states bear population, they can help biologists adjust harvest goals.
![A woman holds two black bear cubs during a den check in Arkansas.](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/05/natalie_krebs_bear_cubs.jpg)
The author keeps two six-week-old black bear cubs warm during a den check in Arkansas. Myron Means
“Bears \[naturally\] have very low reproductive rates,” says Means. “The drought \[in Arkansas\] substantially affected reproductive rates. Instead of seeing 80 to 90 percent of the sows having full litters, were seeing about 35 percent of the sows have full litters. If you have something like environmental conditions that cause drops in reproductive or survival rates, and that happens two or three consecutive years? Its not cause for alarm in one year, but if it happens two, three consecutive years, it would be most likely that we would adjust harvest strategies to mitigate for that drop in population.”
## Bear Hibernation Facts
While Means team monitored the sows vitals and took hair and blood samples, Means set to work examining the male and female cubs. Like human infants, bear cubs have difficulty regulating their body temperature and are kept wrapped in blankets or zipped into volunteers coats during den checks.
### Hibernating Bears Dont Eat
During a den cycle, adult bears dont typically eat, drink, defecate, or urinate. These normally urgent needs are suppressed due to the decline in bodily functions. Instead, bears live off their fat stores, which is why its so important for bears to pack on the pounds during the summer and fall. This is called [hyperphagia](https://bear.org/5-stages-of-activity-and-hibernation/). Newborn cubs are an exception to these rules since they nurse in the den.
“While the females are in there with the \[new\] cubs, for about 4.5 months theres no eating, drinking, defecating, or urinating,” says Means. “The only thing shes eating is cub poop for three or four months.”
### Sows Give Birth During Bear Hibernation
While other big game species like deer and elk give birth to young every year, bears have a two-year reproductive process. Peak breeding season varies by location, but Arkansas sows are usually bred from May through early July.
“In the fall, at some point the sows body will trigger her to allow that \[developing egg\] to attach and she will complete a gestation period. And thats probably about the time she goes into a den cycle,” says Means. “So she goes into a den, she gives birth in mid- to late-January, and she nurses the cubs, they emerge from that first den cycle in mid-April, when the cubs are big enough to follow, and they spend all summer and fall learning how to be bears.”
When food becomes scarcer, the sow and her yearling cubs enter their den cycle together.
“Females with yearlings might come out and forage if theres a few acorns on the landscape,” says Means. “Typically, yearling cycles are abbreviated den cycles, and the sow may come out in late February or early March. Shell allow her yearling cubs to hang around with her for a while, but when the breeding season begins, shell start her two-year reproductive cycle again.”
![Bear hibernation is actually called a denning cycle, and it occurs in all kinds of dens, like this one under a tree root in a hillside.](https://www.outdoorlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/05/AdobeStock_112243117-scaled.jpeg)
A dug-out brown bear den in the northern U.S. belizar / Adobe Stock
Because pregnant sows enter the den before other adult bears and they leave the den later, they have the longest den cycles. After Means and his team finished their exams of the sow and her cubs, they returned all three bears to the crevice den and reversed the anesthesia. As soon as she began to wake, we cleared out. Soon, though, the cubs will start nursing and settling down, and the sow will go back to sleep. In a few weeks or maybe a month, shell finally emerge from the den for spring and begin foraging again.
A sow reaches reproductive age between three and five years of age, and can reproduce into her early 20s. Once a sow stops having cubs, shes close to the end of her natural life. Black bears in Arkansas give birth to an average of two cubs every other year, which means an average healthy black bear sow in Arkansas will birth up to 16 cubs in her lifetime.
### Hibernating Bears Lose Weight
While adult bears can [lose anywhere from 15 to 30](https://www.adfg.alaska.gov/index.cfm?adfg=wildlifenews.view_article&articles_id=21#:~:text=They%20may%20occasionally%20eat%20a,without%20really%20defecating%20or%20urinating.) percent of their body weight during a denning cycle, they stay healthy through a variety of evolutionary adaptations. Denning bears can recycle their metabolic wastes by converting the nitrogen in their urea.
“They convert it to amino acids to feed their muscles. They can actually come out of a den cycle with more lean muscle mass than when they went in,” says Means. “I mean, how great would that be? Like, pork up all summer and say, Ill see you in a couple of months. Im gonna go take a nap, I need to lose some fluff. But thats just the lifestyle that theyve evolved to. And theyre masters at it, no doubt.”
## Final Thoughts on Bear Hibernation
Its important to remember that bear hibernation behavior not only varies by latitude, but by habitat, too. A bear enters its den cycle based on available food and, for sows, where she is in her two-year reproductive cycle. In general, adult bears dont eat, drink, defecate, or urinate while in a denning cycle. Hibernating bears are sleepy and sluggish, but they move often in their dens and they certainly dont sleep all winter long.
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# Behind the New Iron Curtain, by Marzio G. Mian, Translated by Elettra Pauletto
This article was supported by the Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting.
Russia has become, to observers in the West, a distant, mysterious, and hostile land once again. It seems implausible, in the age of social media, that so little should be known about the country that has shattered the international order, but the shadows surrounding Russia have only grown since the days of the Soviet Union. Of course, it is one thing to observe the country from the outside; it is another to try to understand how Russians experience the war and react to sanctions from within, and what they hope the future holds. If Russia seems to have become another planet, it is largely because its regime has also waged war on foreign journalists, preventing them from straying beyond established perimeters.
Over the summer, hoping to do precisely that, I spent a month traveling down the Volga River. In a land of great rivers, the Volga is *the* river. They call it *matushka,* the mother; it flows from the Valdai Hills to the land of the Chuvash, the Tatars, the Cossacks, the Kalmyks, and into the Caspian Sea. Its where Europe and Asia meet or part, are bridged or blocked, depending on whether the compass of Russian history is pointing east or west. Its where it all started, after all, where the empire took root: Along the river one finds many of the cities that have established Russian culture and faith—from Ulyanovsk, the birthplace of Lenin, to Stalingrad (now called Volgograd), the site of the infamous World War II siege. This is a history that weighs heavily on Russian identity today, as the country continues to look backward, sifting its vaunted past for new myths of grandeur. It seems prepared to resist and to suffer, acts at which Russians have always excelled, and to have resigned itself to a future of isolation, autocracy, and perhaps even self-destruction.
Before starting down the river, I met with Mikhail Piotrovsky, who is an old acquaintance and the director of the State Hermitage Museum in Saint Petersburg, in his office on the museums ground floor, where he has carved out a space for himself among piles of books, stacks of paper, and various sculptures. The photographs crowding the room, of him with eminent Western leaders—a smiling Tony Blair and Queen Elizabeth—are now themselves relics, not unlike the tapestry of Catherine the Great hanging above his desk.
I asked him about the river. “The Volga was everything, and is still everything,” he told me. “Because it makes you aspire to greatness. It has a sort of intimacy, sheltering and bright skies, not like the wide-open spaces of the steppe or Siberian rivers, which make you feel like a speck in the cosmos.”
Piotrovsky is an illustrious scholar of Arabic studies. Ive known him for years, but we would normally talk about Canaletto and Byzantium, the great Islamic explorers and his beloved Sicilian wines. This time I found him in full war fervor. And, I was convinced, it was not only to defend his prestigious position: At his age, seventy-nine, he could easily keep his head down and carry on quietly, like most Russians have elected to do. He spoke with his usual calm but looked feverish, as if something were devouring him from the inside.
![](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_11-1.jpg)
Map by Mike Hall
Piotrovsky, who is mild-mannered and cerebral, and who wore his jacket loosely over hunched shoulders, seemed to have become a warrior. “Russia is many people, but one nation,” he asserted. “Russia along the Volga was able to incorporate everyone. Islam is just as much a religion of Russian tradition and identity as is Christian Orthodoxy. In Europe, in America, you speak of nothing but multiculturalism, but your cities are bursting with hate. For us, it didnt take much to include everyone, because were an imperial civilization.” Then he grew more animated. “Look at the Hermitage!” he said, opening his arms to the room around us, widening his eyes. “Its the encyclopedia of world culture, but its written in Russian because its our interpretation of world history. It may be arrogant, but thats what we are.”
He took a deep breath, and began to talk of Stalingrad, his Jerusalem. “I dont call it Volgograd, but Stalingrad,” he clarified for my sake. “It is our reference point now more than ever, an unparalleled symbol of resistance, our enemies worst nightmare. During the Great Patriotic War, we used it to defend the Volga as a vital corridor.” He continued to press the analogy: “And its been the same in the last few months. The Volga and the Caspian feed our trade with Iran to oppose the sanctions, while we use them to export oil to India and import what we need.” He removed his glasses and cleaned them with his jacket. “Stalingrad is a lucky charm, its destiny. If the Nazis had taken it, they would have cut off the Volga and conquered all of Russia. A very material thing that became spiritual. A warning. Whosoever tries it will meet the end of all the others—Swedes, Napoleon, the Germans and their allies.” He went on. “Russians are like the Scythians: they wait, they suffer, they die, and then they kill.”
I would think back to this meeting often over the course of my trip; following the river, I recalled the odd look in Piotrovskys eyes and felt the echo of his words. In fact, when I visited a sturgeon farm in Astrakhan, in the Volga Delta, I saw that his view was, in certain respects, correct. Olesia Sergeeva, a biologist who heads the company that owns the farm, reiterated the importance of the ongoing trade between Iran and Russia. In her own small way—I mean this only as a figure of speech; Sergeeva supplies the Kremlin with caviar—she skirted the sanctions, buying feed from Iran instead of Europe, as she had done before. She spoke of this as if it were public knowledge. “Everything passes through here,” she said. “Theyre building new docks on the delta for container ships and oil tankers.”
Sergeeva took me to see the Jewish, Armenian, and Iranian neighborhoods of Astrakhan. An exhibition of photographs highlighting the civilian volunteers supporting the military was being set up outside of a park. At sunset, the elegant riverfront was swarmed with families and groups of young people talking and laughing in hushed tones. Couples sat on railings eating watermelon while food stalls projected multicolored lights on the Volga. There was a fin de siècle quality to the atmosphere, curls of smoke emanating from shashlik grills, a warm breeze delivering the lament of a distant violin. No military uniforms in sight.
The café façades and the wrought-iron balconies reminded me of New Orleans. Sergeeva pointed out the renovations along the canal that runs through the old town, indicating the nineteenth-century wooden villas that will soon become hotels and luxury homes. “They seemed destined to crumble,” she said. “But now that money is going around, Astrakhan is once again the gateway to European Russia, Central Asia, and India. This is how it is for now. Later, well see.”
On the delta, which fans out for sixty miles before reaching the Caspian Sea, pairs of fighter jets zoomed by at low altitude. I tried catching a glimpse of customs at the commercial port, but I couldnt see past the checkpoints, and the tourist port was closed. Even the ferry was no longer in service. But one could still see cranes loading and unloading a dozen cargo ships, and three barges waiting at the widest point. Sixty-three miles long, the VolgaDon Canal was built under Stalin with the labor of seventy-five thousand prisoners, and opened in 1952. It is part of the waterway that connects the Volga to Rostov on the Don River, from which one can reach Mariupol, which is now controlled by the Russians. South of Volgograd, I tried taking a dirt road leading to the mouth of the canal but was intimidated by the presence of a helicopter hovering some three hundred feet above me. I decided instead to gather wild strawberries.
In Astrakhan, it was rumored that the Iranians had invested billions in the development of the Caspian-Volga-Don corridor. There was talk of trafficking agricultural products and oil, but also turbines, spare mechanical parts, medicine, and nuclear components. I couldnt verify this, but it was clear that Astrakhan is central to the anti-Western economic blocs efforts to turn east.
![](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_12.jpg)
Industrial harbor entrance, Astrakhan
Sergeevas caviar is refined and humanely produced. She explained that this was the result of a process that she had invented: she extracts the eggs from the sturgeon with a small incision, without killing it. This procedure can be performed three times on the same fish. She has endeavored to ensure that the production and sale of her caviar remains the same as it was before the war. “In Russia its not a real party unless theres caviar,” she said—even, apparently, in the current situation. She told me that since Russia had banned wild sturgeon harvesting in the Caspian, farms in this Volga region have proliferated, their numbers rising from three to sixty in the past five years.
Sergeeva is well-traveled and known widely for her aquaculture expertise. She could get a job anywhere, it seemed to me, so why stay? “I was born here, I studied here, my husband is Russian, my son is Russian, Im Russian,” she said. “I wouldnt say Im a patriot, and I dont want to express my thoughts on Putin and the war. But I can assure you that my life hasnt changed. Not in the least.” She blushed as she spoke, as if the subject were uncomfortable. “The Russians are reacting to the sanctions in an extraordinary way, even with a weak ruble and the inevitable inflation. The prices of essential goods have held steady. And now were consuming better and healthier products than before the war, even exceptional cheeses.”
I had never imagined that the rise of hyperlocal food would be one of the recurring themes of this trip. But it appears that the Western sanctions and war economy have intensified a traditional Russian gastronomy movement. Western products had piqued the palates of average urban Russians, and local producers were trying to fill their vacuum, proudly offering Russian-made Camembert and prosciutto, as if to provide some material evidence of *Russkiy Mir,* Putins ideology of Russian supremacy. As I dined along the Volga, menus often specified the farms from which ingredients had been sourced. Restaurants served *svekolnik* and *okroshka,* simple cold summer soups, exalting the quality of local radishes grown without Western fertilizers.
And fishing has largely ceased in Rybinsk, the city once known as the fishery of the tsar. Instead, the area has reinvented itself as something like the oven of Moscow. Every day, trucks set off for the capital full of warm loaves. Bakeries abound: wheat and rye farming in the region has increased by 40 percent.
Among the first to fire up an oven was fifty-four-year-old Andrei Kovalev, who knew nothing about baking bread until three years ago. “I learned to use *zakvaska*, a bread starter,” he told me in his large bakery in the Red Square of Rybinsk, where a statue of Lenin replaced one of Alexander II and has loomed ever since. Kovalev was popular among the locals—he hands out samples to passersby, sporting a beard and a rough tunic made of linen and burlap. He saw opening a bakery as a political act, one salvaging rural Russian values “against consumerism copied from America,” as he put it. “Over the past thirty years people hated Russian bread,” he said, “they thought it was beneath them. They wanted baguettes, the little brats! Mine are old recipes, from long before the perestroika, from back when we were happy.”
![https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_13-1.jpg](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_13-1-1400x0-c-default.jpg)
A Communist Party sign, Mari El Republic.
![https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_15.jpg](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_15-1400x0-c-default.jpg)
A farmer north of Volgograd.
![https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_14-1.jpg](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_14-1-1400x0-c-default.jpg)
Farmers in the upper Volga region.
![https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_16-1.jpg](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_16-1-1400x0-c-default.jpg)
Train tracks, Tver.
Had it not been for a massive poster looming over a lonely intersection in the steppe, showing Sergei Kazankov alongside Lenin and Stalin, I might have missed another quite surreal thing: Soviet Union revivalism. Using a VPN to protect my online searches, I learned that Kazankov had been reelected to the State Duma in 2021 as a Communist, that he was sanctioned for supporting the invasion of Ukraine, and that his father, Ivan Kazankov, has long been a Communist power broker. Sergei himself had been the director of a meat-processing plant and agricultural combine in the Zvenigovsky District, owned by his father.
By this point I was traveling across the Mari El Republic, some ninety miles from Kazan, the capital of the Republic of Tatarstan. More specifically, I was in the Zvenigovsky District, which lends its name to Kazankovs company, Zvenigovsky LLC, which has become known in town as the last *sovkhoz,* or large-scale collective farm. I had only to make a small detour, cross a field of sunflowers, and get directions at a gas station (“when you see the monument to Marx youre practically there”) to arrive at its building, which, on first glance, seemed like a memorial to the old Soviets. The red flag of the USSR fluttered above the white and yellow complex. According to the company, its the same size as the one lowered from the Kremlin on December 25, 1991, when Communism fell. The walls of the plant were covered in red inscriptions marked by the exclamation points the Bolsheviks had so loved to use: “Honor and glory to the workers of the Zvenigovsky combine!”; “Comrades, let us fight for our village, let us fight for Russia!”; “Now and forever, war on Fascism!”
The road to the entrance was lined with modern Stakhanovite-esque photographs, presenting, for instance, one worker as the best sausage stuffer, another as the best tractor driver, and a final one, sporting a mustache and a Nike T-shirt, as the mechanic of the year. Trucks and vans marked with a hammer and sickle poured out of the gates. A statue of Stalin presided over it all, his pants tucked into his boots from his place on a four-tiered pedestal. Off to the side, a metallic Lenin looked on, his brow furrowed; his dais had only two tiers, and was partially covered by the branches of a birch tree.
The entrance to the management building, a stolid modernist structure, was dominated by bronze letters reading cccp. The security guards at reception wore fatigues. I would soon realize this was one of Russias most successful agricultural producers, delivering tens of thousands of tons of meat and dairy to the market each year. The business, established in 1995, well after the USSR was dead and gone, identified itself as a Communist-Stalinist enterprise.
Ivan Kazankov is eighty-one years old and has a gray, wolf-like gaze. Hes tall and robust, a wide red tie resting on his belly. He showed interest in my unexpected visit without too much reservation: you could tell hes a real boss, one who doesnt answer to anybody—a top dog of this agrarian Stalingrad, this rural empire on the Volga, paradoxically inspired by the greatest peasant exterminator in history. His office seemed to have been designed with the express purpose of disorienting anyone hoping to understand Russia in 2023: busts of Stalin standing alongside Russian Orthodox icons, a portrait of Nicholas II looming over a Soyuz statuette, a picture of Vladimir Putin hanging next to an image of St. Andrew, the patron saint of Russia. To the chaos of this pantheon was added a general sense of opacity about the nature of the combine itself, which at first was presented to me as a “state-run agricultural coop, exactly like in the days of the USSR,” but had turned out to be a private family holding. Ivan had made his daughter director after his son left to join the Duma. “What matters is that it runs as before,” he explained. “Profits are used to increase the salaries of the four thousand employees and grow the business.”
In Kazan, they would later tell me that amid the robbery and corruption of the Nineties, when hardened racketeers pilfered Soviet industrial and military equipment, Kazankov had taken his own modest cut. He had gotten his hands on a run-down farm and deftly transformed it into this industrial colossus that had adapted the socialist combine production system to the wild post-Soviet market. The sausage oligarch Kazankov knows just how much Russian consumers still suffer the loss of state collectivism.
Since then, the companys net worth has become the stuff of legend. But Kazankov, too, is a great supporter of Western sanctions: “Theyre an incredible developmental tool for Russia,” he told me. “The West should have imposed them back in the Nineties. Wed be the engine of the world by now. Too bad.” For him, the sanctions are pure adrenaline, and to prove it he added that his company has copied Italian, German, and Israeli “production means” to the letter: “We doubled processing in one year and we supply almost a thousand supermarkets in all of Russia.” Ivan believes that his “full-circle communist company” is the ideal model for “rebuilding a new Soviet Union with healthy local food from our lands.”
He offered to show me their newest stable, about ten miles away, where he had replicated Israeli dairy plants. The herd there grazed in large, well-defined clearings. His driver ferried us around in a brand-new armored Mercedes that I assumed had been imported from Kyrgyzstan, a preferred route for German contraband. For the excursion, Kazankov donned a baseball cap that seemed designed to make him appear younger, with cccp stitched in red on the front and a hammer and sickle on the side. He said he was thinking of branding the cows in the same fashion. “We grow fodder and cereal on thousands of hectares of land,” he explained, watching his property from the tinted window. “We raise dairy cows and pigs and take care of them all the way until the packaging of the finished product, which are meats, cheeses, kefir. Even ice cream, good like the ice cream from my childhood. Gorbachev and Yeltsin ruined ice cream, the cowards.”
The fighting in Ukraine, it seemed, would lead to a mountain of rubles for Kazankov. “Cheese production has grown eighty percent,” he said. “Were filling in for French and Italian cheeses. Were still buying cows.” He told me that meat production generally has thrived. What was his opinion on the war? “Obviously well win,” he said, “because we know how to fight and because we cant lose. If we have to, well use atomic weapons, well destroy the earth, well destroy everything.”
![](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_17-1124x844.jpg)
Ivan Kazankovs office, Mari El Republic
While in Kazan, I was invited to lunch by Farid Khairutdinov, a forty-eight-year-old businessman who had been referred to me as a “very influential Tatar in town.” Messaging over an encrypted channel, he had promised me an interesting conversation. When I arrived at Tatarskaya Usadba, a renowned local restaurant, I found him waiting for me in a private room with Mansur Hazrat Jalaletdinov, a mullah at the Marjani Mosque, the only one active in Kazan until 1990, after which about a hundred more sprang up. Khairutdinov told me that they had recently, at this very table, hosted Dmitry Medvedev, the former Russian prime minister and president, now deputy chairman of the Security Council. He then explained that he considered me “an enemy,” and said that no one wanted to meet with me or answer any of my questions. I was better off visiting a museum, he added. He had served in the FSB, he reminded me, and the mullah nodded along, clearly pleased.
That said, in a demonstration of Russian Tatar hospitality, they offered me an unforgettable lunch: twelve courses and three hours of conversation that was as absurd as it was instructive. They claimed that, in the Tatar language, “there is no word for retreat”; that the Tatars had been the best archers under Peter the Great; and that Mikhail Kutuzov, the general who defeated Napoleon, had been a Tatar. I pointed out that Kutuzov was the one who put down the Tatar resistance in Crimea in the late eighteenth century. “In fact, he lost an eye,” said Khairutdinov, and the mullah nodded. “We love to wage war. Am I right, Mansur?”
“Its true,” he said. “We also fight against our demons.” I hoped to pursue the topic, but Khairutdinov changed the subject: “Sanctions have united us even more as a people.”
As the skewered lamb arrived, Khairutdinov said that before the war I would have been eating “shit lamb from New Zealand,” but that this meat, tender and tasty, was Russian. Not only that, but up until yesterday the lamb had been grazing just a few miles away. He had raised it himself, he claimed. His business was in organic lamb and goose meat. He had opened stores all over Tatarstan. “Theres no competition, its amazing,” he said. “Just think, we used to import geese from Romania and France. Now I export goose legs and cured meat to Turkey.”
I asked why they hadnt raised lamb and geese before the war, or why Russia, with all its intelligent and industrious entrepreneurs, produced so little and imported almost everything without generating significant income outside of the oil and gas industry. The mullah looked me in the eyes and told me that this was precisely the Russian genius: “Buying without producing,” he said. “Why should I make a bicycle if I can just buy one? I spend less money. Easy.”
More than thirty years ago, I wrote about the first stirrings of conflict from the beaches of Yugoslavia, which was then collapsing. I remember an orchestra of elderly musicians playing the foxtrot just for me, the only guest at a grand hotel on the isle of Rab. At the time, mortars were falling and people were dying just a few miles from the Dalmatian coast. Here along the Volga, war and death felt like spectral presences. People danced to techno and indulged in cocktails with improbable names: Hiroshima, RussianJapanese War, and Drunken German. In almost a month of traveling, I saw only four bombers, passing over Tver, near the source of the Volga; felt the rumbling of fighter jets just once, in the low course of the river; encountered a few unarmed soldiers on leave; and saw a column of twenty trucks with tanks covered by tarps probably setting off for the front, hundreds of miles away. The rest was Russia as usual. But an unusually dynamic Russia, to be sure. I saw construction sites and cranes operating in the suburbs, buildings and churches being restored, significant repairs being made to the federal roads (although the famous potholes were still there), workers installing new pipelines, teams of gardeners in the parks, diligent garbage collectors emptying trash cans. Cars flooded the streets each weekend, when Russians went out to their country homes.
Was this fatalism? Indifference? Or arrogance, as Piotrovsky had implied back at the Hermitage? I struggled to find room in hotels or on ferries, all of which were overflowing with tourists forced to give up on the Mediterranean and make do with the Volga. Take Tatiana, the middle-aged manager of a supermarket chain. When I met her on a ferry in Yaroslavl, she wore a Panama hat, Gucci sunglasses, and capri sandals; she was heading downstream, to the same dacha where she had spent her summers as a girl. “Ive had a boat docked in Mykonos for three years—who knows when Ill see it again,” she told me. “Im getting to know my river again. Im running into friends I havent seen in thirty years. An interesting vacation.” I told her she looked a bit sad and resigned. “Russians have been sad and resigned for thousands of years,” she replied. “Its how we stay resilient. Im against this war, but I cant do anything but wait, like everyone else. They manipulate us with artificial ideas. Garbage. But the West has been humiliating us for too long. Dont we also have a right to be who we want to be without feeling like barbarians?”
![](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_18-1124x749.jpg)
Tourists, St. Petersburg
To think that the anti-Western ideas coursing through the countrys veins are simply the fruits of regime indoctrination would be to overestimate Putin—and to ignore what has driven Russia throughout its history, at least since the time of Peter the Great: a fascination with the West, paired with a proud and slightly overbearing defense of its own vast territory and resistance to assimilation. Russians have always vacillated between wanting to be included and fearing contamination or corruption, from harboring an inferiority complex to delusions of grandeur. Its a clash that could be understood in terms of the intellectual conflict between the pro-Western Turgenev and the Slavophile Dostoevsky. Unfortunately, were no longer cruising at that altitude. There is arguably even less debate today than in the days of the USSR, and its clear that Russians are now more fully in a Dostoevsky phase: their desire to lock themselves in a small but boundless world is reemerging, even among those who reject Putin and the Orthodox Churchs revanchist narrative.
I met a woman named Anna, for example, who described herself as an “anti-establishment, pacifist, pagan environmentalist,” and said that “we must be zombies to be killing our own brothers.” Yet she defended “family values” and “love of the ancestors.” Her priority, she said, was to “preserve Russian tradition.” She rejected “modern Western culture where anything goes and everything is easy and fun. Because its obviously a sham.” She went so far as to say that its people like her “who keep old Russia in their hearts, who are the ones who safeguard the roots of Europe.” Her hair was as long and blond as grain, her eyes emerald-green, and she wore traditional necklaces and a long jade dress. She was thirty-four years old and lived in the “Jamaica of the Volga,” at the foot of the Zhiguli—the only mountains in the Russian plains until the Urals—which plunge into the river and create incredible botanical effects, including the growth of wild marijuana. Volunteers come from all over Russia to harvest it. “Memorable parties,” Anna assured me, “but now the government has practically banned non-official gatherings, its like being in jail.” She told me that she is a shamanic healer, even if her official title is nurse. “If I didnt have four children I would have been sent to the Donbas for sure,” she said. Her partner composes and plays Volga dub, a kind of Russian reggae—the soundtrack of the pacifist pirates of the river.
To reach their secret island hideout, I set out after sundown on a ramshackle raft made of pallets and surfboards. I was hosted by locals named Shukhrat and Albert: they had christened the island “Shubert.” Their friendship was changed and deepened by the war—Shukhrat lost a son, Albert sent his to Sweden. They had decided to abandon reality, taking over a strip of sand that magically emerged from the Volga in the spring. They camped out with their families and were gradually joined by other fugitives. Thus began an independent community with its own rules, foremost of which is to avoid the news. They hold meetings, yoga classes, meditation sessions. They sing antiwar reggae songs, using only traditional instruments such as balalaikas, domras, and bayans. Every Friday night, friends and musicians arrive from Kazan, Samara, and Tolyatti and put on a music festival. “Were not distancing ourselves from the world,” said Albert, a former security systems engineer, “but creating our own separate world. This is our country now, based on authentic Russian values. Everything is scary out there.”
But Shubert Islands remoteness hadnt assuaged all his concerns. He had established a special relationship with two Ukrainian YouTubers who spoke Russian and was planning on biking out to visit them in the Donbas during that fateful February 2022. “They left me voice messages asking if I was their enemy now and why were we bombing them and killing them,” he told me. “I still dont know how we ended up on the other side—its terrible. I can only cry, but my mom used to say that boys dont cry.” These were the only tears I saw on my voyage.
![](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_19.jpg)
Zarina and Valentina hold a photograph of Pavel, Nizhny Novgorod
One Friday evening in Nizhny Novgorod, the birthplace of Maxim Gorky, I ended up on the main thoroughfare alongside the Kremlin, where I was almost trampled by a horde of drunken youths. The bars were overflowing with people dancing on the sidewalks, drinks in hand. The façade of a six-story building was covered with the letter *Z,* a symbol of support for the war. I was walking with Artjom Fomenkov, a historian and political science professor. I asked what he thought of the scene, of the unsettling contrast between the partiers and their peers being sent to the front. “Those fighting arent from big cities, but from small towns,” he explained. “The most downtrodden places,” that is, where they only enlist for the money. “Its unlikely that the bulk of the urban population would feel directly affected by the war.” He thought for a moment and added, “and thats why they go on living like that. Theyre not involved, and so they do the same thing they were doing two years ago, one hundred years ago, two hundred years ago—marinating in their despair.” This is what I would hear referred to as the “Russian syndrome,” which is a mixture of nostalgia, melancholy, and affliction. “Putin is just the latest to exploit this passive attitude,” he said. “Remember, Russians are agents of their destiny, not victims.”
But just five hundred meters from the chaos, we encountered a sobering scene. Osharskaya Ulitsa is still known as the brothel street, because of its reputation in Gorkys day. A building that once served as a brothel now supposedly hosts military offices. Anyone dragged in there at night has a high chance of being sent to a training camp the next morning, and then to the front. Fomenkov seemed to reconsider his earlier comments. “The kids you saw are actually terrified, they drink much more than before,” he said. “They know not to be found in certain places alone, drunk, and without a solid alibi, or at least an important last name.”
The next day I ended up on a nameless street, in the living room of a blue cottage besieged by skeletal hens and the carcasses of old cars repurposed as chicken coops. This was the home of Pavel, who died in the Donbas in the fall of 2022, only forty days after enlisting. His eighteen-year-old daughter, Zarina, was pregnant, and looked at me with astonished eyes, green and yellow like the grass of the steppe in summer. She was sitting on a burgundy couch next to her mother, Valentina, who looked worn out. They told me that Pavel had been a taxi driver and had gone into debt. One night, he came home drunk and said he had enlisted. He showed Valentina the contract, for just over two hundred thousand rubles a month. Driving a cab had earned him fifty thousand rubles at most, and some months almost nothing.
The ceiling was low and had been painted to resemble the sky. On the walls hung pictures of the kids—one showed them swimming in the Volga with their father. Then there was Pavel, beaming with his new weed wacker. “He was a good man, respected,” Valentina said. “I couldnt stop him. He did it for his three children, to pay off the mortgage.” Ten days of training and he left. Apparently he had stepped on a mine. “They sent him ahead to check out the terrain. But well never really know,” said Zarina, biting her lip. Two military officers had arrived on their doorstep to deliver Putins form letter and a medal. Valentina assured me that people were there for her—even neighbors whom she hadnt spoken to in years had come by with bread and vodka. She and Pavel had loved each other, she told me, but they had never married. Valentina was now suing his mother to obtain the millions of rubles the state provided to compensate the families of the fallen. “What was he thinking?” she said. “Pavel had his own ideas. He used to say it was time to stick it to everyone who left the USSR. But he left to make a few bucks, so in the end he was just a mercenary, right?”
In the corner, near the stereo and CDs, lights illuminated a small shrine flanked by the Russian flag: Pavels accordion, his straw hat, fake sunflowers, images of the Madonna, whom he worshiped, and the teddy bears he had bought Zarina. And then, smiling above it all like a kindly uncle, Stalin. “His beloved Stalin,” Valentina said.
![https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_20.jpg](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_20-1400x0-c-default.jpg)
A teenager wearing a Stalin T-shirt on a ferry
![https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_21.jpg](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_21-1400x0-c-default.jpg)
A roadhouse in Balakovo
Stalin, as far as I could tell, had become the symbol of the summer, a totemic figure along the lines of Che Guevara. Lenin may be one of the most common statues in the world, with seven thousand in Russia alone—but it is no longer Lenins arm that points to the future. Stalin is experiencing a Second Coming, his name recurring like a mantra. He even has his own namesake sausage brand. His biggest sponsor, perhaps, is Putin, who knows that by invoking him he is pulling on a magic string that will reawaken secret dreams of glory.
“Putin cant compare himself to Lenin,” the historian Dmitry Rusin told me. “He was too intellectual and complex in these days of easy approximations. Its too European.” Rusin is a professor at Ulyanovsk State University. In 1970, they built an enormous Lenin memorial in the city center. “Putin prefers to be compared to Stalin, just as Stalin drew his ruthless idea of Russian power from Ivan the Terrible,” said the professor as we approached the memorial. “Not a European idea, but an Asian one, that doesnt hold the life of the individual in consideration. I find this return to the cult of Stalin, especially among young people, horrifying. I feel a catastrophe coming.” The fountain in front of the complex had run dry. “They closed the complex for renovations five years ago,” Rusin said. “It was supposed to reopen in 2020, now theyre saying 2025. But no funds are coming from Moscow. They want to make Ulyanovsk poor.”
Volgograd is a different story. Putin wants to change its name back to Stalingrad, the better to exploit the symbol of the battle. “We are again being threatened by German Leopard tanks,” the president said in February 2023, inaugurating a new monument to Stalin at the museum dedicated to the two-hundred-day siege, when more than a million Soviet and German soldiers were reported dead, wounded, missing, or captured. “Again and again, we have to repel the aggression of the collective West.”
Yet Samara, five hundred miles north of Volgograd, is where the ghost of Stalin really makes one realize just how little the outside world understands about Russia. The city is located at the point where the Volga veers east, as if attracted by the pull of the Urals. The city is generally known as the Russian Chicago, because of its great industrial vitality and popularity with merchants and criminals. But in the summer, Samara becomes the Saint-Tropez of the Volga, with elegant beaches and a fashionable riverside promenade that is second only to Sochis. And just like Sochi, it seems to be a destination for hardcore Putin supporters. Bourgeois kids traverse its streets on scooters, wearing expensive American sneakers and the hottest T-shirt of the season—one bearing Stalins face and the phrase if i were here, we wouldnt be dealing with all this shit.
Stalin built a secret bunker under an old Communist Committee building in town in 1942, just after the narrow Soviet victory at the Battle of Moscow. These days its a pilgrimage destination. I went on a tour of the bunker, in which at least half my group consisted of people in their twenties. We descended to find the control room and apartment for the head of the USSR. The bunker was never used, but the guide explained that it was updated during the Cuban Missile Crisis and again after the annexation of Crimea in 2014. Today it can hold up to six hundred people for five days and “even gets cell phone service.” Andrei, a twenty-four-year-old electrical engineer who was visiting from Moscow with three friends, spontaneously told me of Stalin that “he was a winner.” We were in front of an original military map of the Soviet counteroffensive. “For us young people, Stalin is number one. We must fight evil like during the Great Patriotic War.” Did any negative associations come to mind? “They say a lot of things, but what matters is the results,” he said. “I think there were more deaths in the Nineties with the gang wars and alcohol. That was our first experience with democracy—the worst period of our history.”
In this second summer of what Andrei called the “war on evil,” even the most zealous popes indulge the Stalin worship, despite his confiscation of Orthodox Church assets and the fact that he has turned many of their cathedrals into prisons, factories, and army barracks. It was Piotrovsky, at the Hermitage, who suggested I meet a young priest named Mikhail Rodin, whom he called “an emerging voice.” He lived in Balakovo, Piotrovsky added, “a place forgotten by God.”
Father Rodin, who is forty-four and has four children, belongs to the Russian Orthodox Old Believer Church, which was born out of a seventeenth-century schism with the official Orthodox Church. A long history of repression and semi-clandestine masses followed. But today, the conflict with the main church, presided over by the crusading Patriarch Kirill of Moscow, seems to have subsided, with both factions supporting Russias sacred mission in Ukraine.
I arrived in Balakovo in the evening, the smell of ammonia in the air. Though the city revolved around two of the biggest power plants on the Volga, all its roads were dark. The only sign of life came from the Lucky Pub, which was hosting a concert by the Kiss, a popular local rock band—all the kids seemed to know their songs. I entered and felt like I was in the Midwest; there were pool tables, darts, French fries in baskets with checkered paper, and a sign reading make love not war.
Batyushka Rodin, who speaks excellent English, said that his church near Balakovos squalid industrial zone—a luxury lodge with fragrant pine logs, an oven to make the communion bread, icons donated by parishioners—had been financed by one Robert Stubblebine, an American native who relocated to Moscow. Hes known as a VP and early shareholder of Yandex, the Russian Google, started by his business partner Arkady Volozh, an oligarch who has called the war “barbaric” (probably just in an unsuccessful bid to be taken off the list of sanctioned billionaires).
![](https://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CUT_22-1124x844.jpg)
Holy Trinity Cathedral choir, Saratov
Rodin had other ideas. “The war is the last opportunity to bring salvation to the human soul,” he said with a beatific smile. “In the Book of Revelations, John the Apostle wrote of these last trying times for the human race, when everyone would have to choose their own path: they will either stay with God or go forth to great pain and suffering forever.” His tone didnt change when I asked about Stalins resurgent popularity. “I dont want to judge, because God cant be removed from the hearts of Russians,” he said. “No one called Stalin for help, no one called the Party for help. Everyone cried out to God!”
I know Russian priests fairly well—they tend to be rough and arrogant. Rodin was different, at once modern and archaic. He uses social media and medieval mannerisms. He has traveled a bit, but for him there is no place like Russia. I asked him what being Russian meant to him. “Were influenced by the immense nothingness around us, and by the harsh climate,” he said. “In a land like this, you have to have an objective, a dream. We Russians need to have something big to strive for. We dreamed of communism, equality, and of a life where no one is exploited by anyone. Every person the same as the next.” He went on: “If Russians believe in something, they believe until the end. They believe in God. Theyre ready to die for their faith. They believe in communism. Theyre ready to die for that. They believe in Russia and theyre ready to sacrifice themselves for Russia.”
Even the atomic bomb, *batyushka*?
“Of course,” he replied quickly. “Were ready to sacrifice ourselves. Because if we dont win, well burn it all down. If we cant achieve this bright future, then whats the point in living?” He grew more heated. “Our president is saying what everyone is thinking. If we dont have the Russia we want, were ready to martyr ourselves, sacrifice ourselves and the whole world if its unjust and evil. Theres no need for a world like that.”
I was back out on the street when I saw that I had a voicemail from Albert, from Shubert Island. He had composed a new reggae song: “At sunset the Volga is bathed in pure light,” he sang, “when illuminated by love, my heart is the same.”
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# Blinken Is Sitting on Staff Recommendations to Sanction Israeli Military Units Linked to Killings or Rapes
ProPublica is a nonprofit newsroom that investigates abuses of power. Sign up to receive [our biggest stories](https://www.propublica.org/newsletters/the-big-story?source=www.propublica.org&placement=top-note&region=national) as soon as theyre published.
A special State Department panel recommended months ago that Secretary of State Antony Blinken disqualify multiple Israeli military and police units from receiving U.S. aid after reviewing allegations that they committed serious human rights abuses.
But Blinken has failed to act on the proposal in the face of growing international criticism of the Israeli militarys conduct in Gaza, according to current and former State Department officials.
The incidents under review mostly took place in the West Bank and occurred before Hamas Oct. 7 attack on Israel. They include reports of extrajudicial killings by the Israeli Border Police; an incident in which a battalion gagged, handcuffed and left an elderly Palestinian American man for dead; and an allegation that interrogators tortured and raped a teenager who had been accused of throwing rocks and Molotov cocktails.
Recommendations for action against Israeli units were sent to Blinken in December, according to one person familiar with the memo. “Theyve been sitting in his briefcase since then,” another official said.
A State Department spokesperson told ProPublica the agency takes its commitment to uphold U.S. human rights laws seriously. “This process is one that demands a careful and full review,” the spokesperson said, “and the department undergoes a fact-specific investigation applying the same standards and procedures regardless of the country in question.”
The revelations about Blinkens failure to act on the recommendations come at a delicate moment in U.S.-Israel relations. Six months into its war against Hamas, whose militants massacred 1,200 Israelis and kidnapped 240 more on Oct. 7, the Israeli military has killed more than 33,000 Palestinians, according to local authorities. Recently, President Joe Biden has signaled increased frustration with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the widespread civilian casualties.
Multiple State Department officials who have worked on Israeli relations said that Blinkens inaction has undermined Bidens public criticism, sending a message to the Israelis that the administration was not willing to take serious steps.
The recommendations came from a special committee of State Department officials known as the Israel Leahy Vetting Forum. The panel, made up of Middle East and human rights experts, is named for former Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., the chief author of 1997 laws that require the U.S. to cut off assistance to any foreign military or law enforcement units — from battalions of soldiers to police stations — that are credibly accused of flagrant human rights violations.
The Guardian reported this year that [the State Department was reviewing](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/jan/18/us-supply-weapons-israel-alleged-abuses-human-rights) several of the incidents but had not imposed sanctions because the U.S. government treats Israel with unusual deference. Officials told ProPublica that the panel ultimately recommended that the secretary of state take action.
This story is drawn from interviews with present and former State Department officials as well as government documents and emails obtained by ProPublica. The officials spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to discuss internal deliberations.
The Israeli government did not respond to a request for comment.
Over the years, hundreds of foreign units, including from Mexico, Colombia and Cambodia, have been blocked from receiving any new aid. Officials say enforcing the Leahy Laws can be a strong deterrent against human rights abuses.
Human rights organizations tracking Israels response to the Oct. 7 attacks have collected eyewitness testimony and videos posted by Israeli soldiers that point to widespread abuses in Gaza and the West Bank.
“If we had been applying Leahy effectively in Israel like we do in other countries, maybe you wouldnt have the IDF filming TikToks of their war crimes now because we have contributed to a culture of impunity,” said Josh Paul, a former director in the State Departments Bureau of Political-Military Affairs and a member of the vetting forum. Paul resigned in protest shortly after Israel began its bombing campaign of Gaza in October.
The Leahy Laws apply to countries that receive American-funded training or arms. In the decades after the passage of those laws, the State Department, under both Democratic and Republican administrations, followed a de facto policy of exempting billions of dollars of foreign military financing to Israel from their strictures, according to multiple experts on the region.
In 2020, Leahy and others in Congress passed a law to tighten the oversight. The State Department set up the vetting forum to identify Israeli security force units that shouldnt be receiving American assistance. Until now, it has been paralyzed by its bureaucracy, failing to fulfill the hopes of its sponsors.
Critics have long assailed what they view as Israels special treatment. Incidents that would have disqualified units in other countries did not have the same result in Israel, according to Charles Blaha, the former director of the State Departments Office of Security and Human Rights and a former participant in the Israeli vetting forum. “There is no political will,” he said.
Typically, the reports of wrongdoing come from nongovernment organizations like Human Rights Watch or from press accounts. The State Department officials determining whether to recommend sanctions generally do not draw on the vast array of classified material gathered by Americas intelligence agencies.
Actions against an Israeli unit are subject to additional layers of scrutiny. The forum is required to consult the government of Israel. Then, if the forum agrees that there is credible evidence of a human rights violation, the issue goes to more senior officials, including some of the departments top diplomats who oversee the Middle East and arms transfers. Then the recommendations can be sent to the secretary of state for final approval, either with consensus or as split decisions.
Even if Blinken were to approve the sanctions, officials said, Israel could blunt their impact. One approach would be for the country to buy American arms with its own funds and give them to the units that had been sanctioned. Officials said the symbolism of calling out Israeli units for misconduct would nonetheless be potent, marking a sign of disapproval of the civilian toll the war is taking.
Since it was formed in 2020, the forum has reviewed reports of multiple cases of rape and extrajudicial killings, according to the documents ProPublica obtained. Those cases also included several incidents where teenagers were reportedly beaten in custody before being released without charges. The State Department records obtained by ProPublica do not clearly indicate which cases the experts ultimately recommended for sanctions, and several have been tabled pending more information from the Israelis.
Israel generally argues it has addressed allegations of misconduct and human rights abuses through its own military discipline and legal systems. In some of the cases, the forum was satisfied that Israel had taken serious steps to punish the perpetrators.
But officials agreed on a number of human rights violations, including some that the Israeli government had not appeared to adequately address.
Among the allegations reviewed by the committee was the January 2021 arrest of a 15-year old boy by Israeli Border Police. The teen was held for five days at the Al-Mascobiyya detention center on charges that he had thrown stones and Molotov cocktails at security forces. Citing an allegation shared by a [Palestinian child welfare nonprofit](https://www.dci-palestine.org/israeli_interrogator_sexually_assaults_palestinian_child_detainee), forum officials said there was credible information the teen had been forced to confess after he was “subjected to both physical and sexual torture, including rape by an object.”
Two days after the State Department asked the Israeli government for information about what steps it had taken to hold the perpetrators accountable, Israeli police raided the nonprofit that had originally shared the allegation and later designated it a terrorist organization. The Israelis told State Department officials they had found no evidence of sexual assault or torture but reprimanded one of the teens interrogators for kicking a chair.
Do you have any information about American arms shipments to countries accused of human rights violations? Contact Brett Murphy at [\[email protected\]](https://www.propublica.org/cdn-cgi/l/email-protection#c3a1b1a6a6b7edaeb6b1acb3abba83b3b1acb3b6a1afaaa0a2edacb1a4) or by Signal at 508-523-5195.
[Alex Mierjeski](https://www.propublica.org/people/alex-mierjeski) contributed reporting.
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# Buying Baja
On a storied stretch of Mexicos Baja peninsula, locals fight rich outsiders and rampant development that threaten to transform the coast and dry up aquifers.
The fish are so thick we can see them from the boat, a writhing mass darkening the oceans surface, their oily smell rising into the air. Our guide counts us down—“*uno*, *dos*, *tres*!”—and we slip overboard. Within moments, a thousand or more bigeye jack surround us, all slippery silver bodies and trailing fins, unblinking eyes and downturned mouths, below us and in front of us and on either side of us. They all face the same direction, the whole school turning and changing shape in concert like an underwater version of the murmurations of birds that paint the sky with their collective motion.
Individually, each jack is as unremarkable as a childs drawing of a fish: bullet shaped, a half-meter long, relatively common in the tropics. Together, theyre breathtaking. They become waves of fish, swirls of fish, tornadoes of fish. At times, I cant see the blue of ocean behind the wall of their bodies. To be among so many animals at once is to be reminded of the dazzling abundance that still exists in the world.
I lift my face from the water and get my bearings: a sea that seems made of light, the tawny mountains of the Mexican state of Baja California Sur rising in the distance. A few snorkels poke up around me.
“*Chicos*, over here!” our guide calls. “*Tortuga*!” I reach her just in time to see a hawksbill turtle drift by. Later, well glimpse several more sea turtles, along with a spotted eagle ray, a green moray eel, parrotfish, pufferfish, angelfish, corals, sea fans, and small, colorful darting creatures too numerous to count. The reef below, as John Steinbeck wrote in *The* *Log from the Sea of Cortez,* “skittered and pulsed with life.”
The biodiversity packed into this sliver of ocean is partially a result of underwater geology and currents that allowed the only true coral reef in the Sea of Cortez (also called the Gulf of California) to form here some 20,000 years ago. Equally important, however, is a nearby village called Cabo Pulmo. In the 1980s, fishermen whose families had lived in Cabo Pulmo for a century began noticing that they were catching fewer fish, as well as spotting fewer sharks, turtles, and rays. Corals were increasingly damaged by anchors. Then the villages story took a surprising turn: residents decided to stop fishing the reef and go all in on conservation and ecotourism.
Given that Cabo Pulmo had virtually no tourist facilities, had no store or gas station, and could only be reached by driving many kilometers of washboarded, sandy roads, it was a gamble. In 1995, however, the Mexican government designated 71 square kilometers of ocean as a national marine park. Locals helped implement and enforce a fishing ban within the parks boundaries, and they educated visitors on responsible diving and snorkeling. By 2009, researchers from the Scripps Institution of Oceanography at the University of California San Diego found that fish biomass had jumped 463 percent—the largest increase ever documented in a marine reserve. The biomass of top predators like sharks increased tenfold.
People benefited as well. In the 1970s, Cabo Pulmo had only six houses. Today, 300 people live in the village, which now has its own elementary and middle school and a variety of locally owned restaurants, dive outfitters, and guest houses for rent. Theres an economy, in other words, that allows residents to stay put instead of migrating to cities for work or school as they did in the past. And Cabo Pulmo remains charmingly rustic. There are no hotels. Chickens, goats, and dogs wander freely, children play soccer on the unpaved roads, and electricity comes largely from rooftop solar. The stars at night are brilliant. The village and its eponymous park are now a UNESCO World Heritage Site, lauded by conservation luminaries in Mexico and abroad.
[![kids playing soccer in Cabo Pulmo](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/kids-cabo-pulmo-1200x802.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/kids-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Kids play soccer on the main drag of Cabo Pulmo, in the Mexican state of Baja California Sur. The village has no pavement or traffic lights and is powered largely by rooftop solar.
“This is a perfect example of what a community that belongs to a place \[can\] do,” says Judith Castro Lucero, who grew up in Cabo Pulmo and whose family was instrumental in protecting it. “Because we belong to this ocean.”
For a long time, Cabo Pulmos location also aided its success. The Cabo del Este—or East Cape—region surrounding the park is a quiet stretch of desert and sea peppered with small towns and villages. Guidebooks gush that it offers a taste of “old Mexico,” conjuring images of scattered ranchos where leather-faced cowboys round up scrawny cattle and of empty beaches where intrepid campers can buy dinner directly from fishermen. Research shows that compared with other subtropical regions, the East Capes coastal habitats as a whole have remained relatively intact, rich with fish and comparatively free of pollution.
[![Judith Castro](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/judith-castro-cabo-pulmo-1200x802.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/judith-castro-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Judith Castro Luceros family was instrumental in creating Cabo Pulmo National Park.
Yet, the East Cape is beginning to change, and rapidly. Real estate speculation; megaresorts; and unplanned, poorly planned, and possibly illegally planned developments threaten to displace people and harm biodiversity—potentially even in the waters that Cabo Pulmo has fought so hard to protect. As local activists try to rein in the worst projects, theyre confronting competing visions for the regions future. Will tourism and gentrification consume the East Cape as they have so many other coastal destinations? Or can people find ways to welcome some growth while still preserving the intricate connections between the desert, the sea, and the human communities that care for them both?
---
The 1,200-kilometer-long peninsula of Baja California juts south from the US state of California like a crooked finger pointing toward the equator. Geographically, culturally, and even geologically, it is distinct from mainland Mexico. Arid mountain chains form its spine, crashing into the Pacific Ocean to the west and the more protected waters of the Sea of Cortez to the east. *Arroyos*—dry riverbeds that intermittently flood with rainfall—funnel fresh water from the mountains to the coast, carrying sediments and nutrients that replenish beaches with sand, feed marine life, and recharge the aquifers that people depend on for drinking water.
These ephemeral threads tying together desert and sea are even more valuable because of the scarcity of freshwater. Eighteenth-century Jesuit missionary Jakob Baegert described Baja as “a pathless, waterless thornful rock, sticking up between two oceans,” and his observation remains fairly accurate today. The state of Baja California Sur, which makes up the southern half of the peninsula, is especially dry and sparsely populated, claiming both the longest coastline and the least fresh water of any Mexican state. For centuries, its aridity and imposing topography isolated it from the rest of the world. Getting to Baja Sur from nearly anywhere else required a boat, a small plane, or a long journey in a four-wheel-drive vehicle.
[![map of East Cape and Los Cabos](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/map-cabo-pulmo-1200x669.png)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/map-cabo-pulmo.png)
Map by Mark Garrison with data from ArcGIS
“Baja is a splendid example,” commented early 20th-century naturalist Joseph Wood Krutch, “of how much bad roads can do for a country.”
That isolation began to erode in the 1970s, when the Mexican government decided to boost the economies of the nations poorest states by turning a handful of communities into seaside tourism hubs. One of them was Los Cabos, roughly 100 kilometers south of Cabo Pulmo on the southern tip of Baja Sur. With help from the World Bank, the government improved roads, built an international airport, and offered incentives for real estate developers. Mass-market hotels, luxury hotels, second homes, marinas, and golf courses followed. In 2022, over three million visitors came to Los Cabos, and many never left their all-inclusive resorts.
Yet the rebranding of Los Cabos from a fishing and agricultural community into a glitzy resort destination came at a cost. Because some construction interfered with the flow of water from the mountains, aquifers and certain beaches shrank, and fewer nutrients reached the sea. Hotels effectively walled off much of Los Cabos 32-kilometer coastline, defying state and local zoning regulations (known as ordering plans) meant to ensure coastal access and protection. Mexican families who had lived or fished in the area for generations were forced inland.
Tourism workers, meanwhile—many of whom migrated from elsewhere in Mexico—settled in *cordones de miseria* (“belts of misery”) on the citys outskirts, where they frequently live without running water in a place where temperatures can soar to over 37 °C. In 2006, 15 percent of local households lacked potable water, while hotels watered lawns and flushed toilets with abandon. Ecosystems suffered, too. As of 2022, Los Cabos had the lowest recorded fish biomass out of 76 sites across Baja Sur where scientists collected such data.
[![Cabo San Lucas](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/los-cabos-cabo-pulmo-1200x556.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/los-cabos-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Cabo San Lucas is one of two towns that make up a 32-kilometer stretch known as Los Cabos at the southern tip of Baja, Mexico. Photo by Frederick Millett/Alamy Stock Photo
Until recently, this sort of unchecked development was largely constrained to Los Cabos. Driving north toward Cabo Pulmo and beyond, the East Cape has maintained an almost mythological reputation. Bone-rattling roads keep crowds at bay, and the regions 20,000 or so residents can still spend weekends picnicking, swimming, fishing, and camping freely on beaches that stretch unbroken for miles. Working-class people can still live in modest homes with an ocean view.
Or at least they could, until Los Cabosstyle development began creeping north.
---
Reina Macklis is waiting for me in her battered gold Subaru in a mostly dry arroyo just outside La Ribera, the town closest to Cabo Pulmo. I follow Macklis as far down the arroyo as I can in my rental car, then park next to some Mexican fishermen who say theyve come here from Los Cabos, over an hour away, because their own waters are too polluted to fish. Macklis—an environmental activist who grew up in La Ribera—says this happens often, and she fears similar pollution may soon taint her hometown waters. A Los Angelesbased investment firm called Irongate is in the midst of building a megadevelopment known as Costa Palmas between La Ribera and the arroyo. (Irongate did not respond to requests for comment.)
When its complete, Costa Palmas will look more like a small, exclusive city than a resort. It will include two luxury hotels and nearly 400 private homes, priced from US $2.5-million to $26-million. According to the *New York Times*, it will also boast “polo fields, a horseback riding center, several organic farms, a kids club, and scenic walking paths,” as well as 20 restaurants, a golf course, a pool, a gym, a movie theater, and a 250-yacht marina with an exclusive club. It will span three kilometers of beach.
[![Construction of the Costa Palmas mega-development, outside the town of La Ribera.](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/construction-aerial-cabo-pulmo-1200x675.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/construction-aerial-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
The Costa Palmas megadevelopment is under construction outside La Ribera, a town near the southern tip of Baja California Sur.
On this warm, overcast morning, Macklis has agreed to show me and photographer Kristina Blanchflower how Costa Palmas is already affecting local people and ecosystems. She starts by pointing out a 5.7-kilometer-long stone wall several meters high that construction workers are building alongside the arroyo. Typically, when the arroyo floods, the water disperses into an estuary of Mexican fan palms, mangroves, and wetlands. But because the flooding arroyo would put the golf courses and buildings of Costa Palmas at risk, the wall is being built to channel water away from them.
Unfortunately, a concentrated flood passes through more quickly than a dispersed one, which keeps it from percolating into the aquifer that supplies La Riberas drinking water. Costa Palmas draws from the same limited aquifer, and since parts of the resort opened, Macklis says she and other La Ribera residents have run out of water—sometimes for a few days, once for two weeks. A single golf course, meanwhile, uses enough water every day to supply 9,000 Baja residents.
[![The Santiago arroyo](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/arroyo-cabo-pulmo-1200x675.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/arroyo-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
The Santiago *arroyo*, just outside La Ribera, feeds one of Baja California Surs most ecologically important wetlands. A new wall, at the left, aims to control the flow of water in the arroyo.
And Costa Palmas is far from the only new golf course in the East Cape. As of 2022, state and municipal governments had approved permits for nine additional golf courses, with 18 more under consideration. Theyd approved nearly 12,500 hotel rooms, with another 25,000 in the permitting process, and 10,000 new houses, with 20,300 more in permitting.
Thanks largely to such development, the population of the East Cape nearly doubled between 2010 and 2020—from 13,800 to 21,000 people—and is expected to surpass 138,000 by 2040. While many of the new residents are construction and tourism workers from other parts of Mexico, the population boom is also driven by second-home owners, investors, digital nomads, and retirees from the United States, Canada, and Europe who put additional pressure on the regions scant fresh water. Mexicos 1917 constitution forbids foreigners from owning property within 50 kilometers of the coast, but nonresidents routinely circumvent the law by buying property through a *fideicomiso*, a trust in which a Mexican bank holds the title to a property in a foreigners name.
Walking from the arroyo toward the beach, Macklis points out raccoon and bird tracks in the sand. Leatherback and ridley sea turtles, as well as the endangered gallito marino, or least tern, nest here. “There are a lot of species,” Macklis says in Spanish, pushing her curly salt-and-pepper hair out of her eyes. “A lot of mammals and a lot of birds.” She pauses next to a small wetland edged with mangroves. A great blue heron stands in the shallows, and a flock of migratory ducks rests nearby. The area is also home to the endangered Beldings yellowthroat, a bright warbler that lives only in the wetlands of Baja California Sur.
And then, abruptly, the wetlands end in a massive construction zone crawling with cranes and bulldozers and men in hard hats. “All that over there was mangroves,” Macklis says. “And they took it all out.”
Satellite images confirm that the verdant wetlands around the mouth of the arroyo shrank drastically as construction of Costa Palmas began. The beach accessible to La Ribera residents also shrank as Costa Palmas marina cut off the flow of sediment from the arroyo.
Costa Palmas has changed the areas social fabric as well. Macklis remembers when La Ribera was a peaceful town, just a bit bigger than neighboring Cabo Pulmo. Now, there are so many newcomers that the school has turned away students. The line for the medical clinic wraps around the building. Its more dangerous to walk after dark. And Macklis no longer comes to the beach alone. When we get to the edge of the construction zone, where a uniformed man with a walkie-talkie stands guard, she stops.
“I used to come to the beach a lot,” she says. “But not as much now … To come by myself is dangerous. Its dangerous for me because they know me.”
What she means is that they know shes tried to document the destruction this project has caused. What she means is that shes afraid to come to her hometown beach. What she means is that shes being pushed out.
Blanchflower and I, however, are *gringas,* and no one is going to stop us from continuing on. So while Macklis returns to her salt-rusted Subaru, Blanchflower and I stroll past the security guard, past the expensive homes in various stages of construction, past the golf course where men in pastel-colored polos cluster on immaculate grass. We walk right into the Four Seasons hotel. Everything is white canvas and rattan and clean, modern lines: the infinity pool, the xeriscaping, the beachside restaurant with bouquets on each table. We see an open-air yoga class, where a flock of slender white women stretch and chatter like birds. We stop at an empty bar to chat with the bartender, who lives in Los Cabos but commutes here five days a week because the pay is better and hes saving for a house. He tells us this as if its part of his job, and his deference makes me uncomfortable. Even though were sweaty and bedraggled, people seem to think weve spent between roughly $1,500 and $4,000 per night to stay here, simply because were white.
[![Looking from the Four Seasons toward a golf course and construction zone beyond.](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/four-seasons-cabo-pulmo-1200x900.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/four-seasons-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
The Four Seasons hotel overlooks a golf course and a construction zone.
Meanwhile Macklis is driving to her home that occasionally runs out of water, hoping to get some rest before she shows up for her shift at a shelter for street dogs. She works there because she loves animals, loves this place, and wants only to ensure that it stays habitable for everyone—dogs and humans and birds alike.
---
Driving back to the small guesthouse were renting in Cabo Pulmo, we pass roads that, according to my 2021 atlas, show beach access but which the Costa Palmas development now blocks. We pass belching construction trucks full of rocks and cement. The way quiets as we head south, until finally were back on the washboarded road to Cabo Pulmo. My shoulders relax, and I roll down the windows to let in the velvet air.
A hurricane passed over the East Cape two weeks ago, and the desert flushes green from rain. Paloverde and acacia trees intertwine with flowering shrubs and all kinds of cacti. The biggest are elephant cacti, or Mexican giant cardón, which soar more than 19 meters into the air. Vultures scan for food from their upper limbs. Roadrunners dart in front of our car.
[![Crested caracaras perch atop Mexican giant cardón in Baja California Sur.](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/caracaras-cabo-pulmo-1200x802.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/caracaras-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Crested caracaras perch atop Mexican giant cardón in Baja California Sur.
Still, even on this quiet dirt road, there are signs of encroaching development. Literally. Every few kilometers, we see another large *Se Vende* sign. Or, if the landowner is targeting expats, For Sale. If these lots are sold, second homes and hotels could soon surround Cabo Pulmo just as they do La Ribera. During my November visit, developers just a few kilometers away are even clearing land for another proposed megadevelopment similar to Costa Palmas, this one directly abutting Cabo Pulmo National Park.
“Pulmo is an excellent example of how conservation can be very successful,” says Armando Trasviña Castro, an oceanographer at the Ensenada Center for Scientific Research and Higher Education. “But its so small, and its surrounded by areas that are experiencing very accelerated growth. And that has an impact on what happens inside the protected area.”
Studies indeed show that nutrients entering the ocean from La Riberas arroyo, 30 kilometers away, help feed the marine life in Cabo Pulmos reef. What happens on land affects what happens in the sea. “The whole environment is connected,” says Sarahí Gómez Villada, a marine biologist with the nonprofit Mexican Center for Environmental Law. If the coast around Cabo Pulmo is transformed into a parade of second homes or a big resort, marine and terrestrial life within the park will likely suffer.
[![Oceanographer Armando Trasviña Castro](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/armando-trasvina-castro-cabo-pulmo-1200x802.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/armando-trasvina-castro-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Oceanographer Armando Trasviña Castro uses satellite images to track the impacts of coastal development from his office in La Paz, Mexico.
That evening, I meet Angeles Castro for fresh scallops at an open-air, oceanfront restaurant she owns with her family in Cabo Pulmo. Angeles is Judith Castro Luceros cousin; their grandfather helped settle the village. When the cousins were growing up in the 1980s, the kids werent allowed to swim unless the beach was clean, like children elsewhere arent allowed to watch TV until they tidy their rooms.
Now, I ask Angeles about the For Sale signs we saw earlier. “Our East Cape *has* been sold, sadly, most of it,” she says. “It used to be ranches here and there, and then just empty land.” She shakes her head. “Why more marinas? Why more hotels? Theres so many in \[Los Cabos\] already, and look what happens. \[Tourists there\] go diving and dont see what they see here, because there is not much fish over there. The whole pull is to come see the natural beauty, but if theyre ruining the natural beauty, theres nothing left to see. Theres just going to be their fancy hotel.”
[![Angeles Castro](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/angeles-castro-cabo-pulmo-1200x800.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/angeles-castro-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Angeles Castro sits in the Cabo Pulmo restaurant she owns with her family.
Angeles worries that developments around Cabo Pulmo could also push her own family away. Beaches in Mexico cannot be privately owned, but there are ways to kick people out. Beach access can be closed or monetized. Real estate prices can rise so high that many Mexicans can no longer afford to rent on the coast, let alone buy their own homes. Or sometimes, newcomers simply make locals feel unwelcome. A social scientist who lives in Baja Surs capital, La Paz, told me about some homes built along a beach where she and her daughter had enjoyed camping for years. When they set up their tent, a woman came out of one of the houses, yelling at them in English to get out.
“You know, I thought it would be different,” Angeles says. “I thought somehow we were untouchable. But all these people with money have their eyes on us … They want to protect this place. They want to protect it from *us*.”
---
One afternoon, Blanchflower and I visit a *barrio* called El Caribe, on the outskirts of Los Cabos. The neighborhood started as a squatter camp for construction and hotel workers and grew into a sprawl of cobbled-together dwellings made of sheet metal, cinderblocks, tarps, and other low-cost materials. Women scrub laundry in plastic washtubs outside their homes, and dusty, broken-down cars line the roadsides. Trash blows in the wind and spills from black plastic bags. This is the part of Los Cabos that most tourists never see.
I expected residents to feel bitter that they lived without basic utilities while serving posh foreigners just a few kilometers away, but I hear the opposite. One woman tells me shes from Mexico City and came here to work in a hotel. She likes it; she thinks tourism is good for the region. While were talking, a man named Alejandro approaches, eager to practice his English. Hes from Guadalajara and thinks Los Cabos is paradise. He can go to the beach on his day off, and he built a cinderblock home in El Caribe with two extra rooms—each with its own bathroom—which he rents to local workers for 3,000 pesos ($172) each per month. Two black water tanks squat outside. Every two weeks, he pays 500 pesos ($29) to have them filled. Its expensive, but it means he never runs out of water like many of his neighbors do.
Alejandro, too, supports the proliferation of hotels, Airbnbs, and investment properties, even if it feels unfair. “All they see from their houses is the ocean,” he says. “Im like, damn, youre really rich. And we are poor here … They push us away.”
[![El Caribe](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/el-caribe-cabo-pulmo-1200x802.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/el-caribe-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
El Caribe is a neighborhood just outside the tourist district Los Cabos where many tourism workers live.
Inequality is a well-documented byproduct of the mass tourism thats reshaped places like Los Cabos, Cancun, Puerto Vallarta, and elsewhere. “There are these histories of displacement and dispossession in tourism zones, where local Mexicans tend to get pushed out,” says Ryan Anderson, a cultural and environmental anthropologist at Californias Santa Clara University who has worked in Baja Sur. “Thats kind of the pattern.”
The pattern is so predictable it has a name: Butlers Tourism Area Life Cycle. Richard Butler, formerly a professor at the University of Western Ontario, coined the phrase in 1980, and scholars have since applied it to tourist-dependent regions from Tunisia to the United Kingdom to Hawaii. According to Butlers model, a place is first “discovered,” then developed. Locals begin to lose control over decision-making, and laborers from elsewhere come to fill new jobs. The number of visitors climbs. At this stage, tourism becomes the dominant economic driver, and the environmental, social, and economic fabric of the original community changes, often to the detriment of locals quality of life. In Mexicos tourist hubs, the resulting inequality is so pronounced that one researcher called it “de facto social and economic apartheid.”
And as Angeles Castro presciently observed, mass tourism can alter a place so thoroughly that it becomes indistinguishable from a thousand other places. Some tourist locales adapt and remain popular, but in other cases, tourists grow disenchanted and move on to somewhere more “authentic.” Although tourist numbers are still climbing in Los Cabos, Anderson believes that visitors disillusionment is partially driving the development boom elsewhere in the East Cape. The biodiversity of Cabo Pulmo is part of the appeal; developers tout it as one of the East Capes assets. The Mexican government is even proposing to pave the rugged coastal road between Los Cabos and Cabo Pulmo, making it easier for tourists, investors, and expats to reach the regions isolated beaches and close-knit villages.
After leaving El Caribe, Blanchflower and I try to drive to Los Cabos oceanfront, but traffic is atrocious and the hotels are like barricades, impassable unless youre staying in one. When we finally get within sight of the ocean, theres nowhere to park without paying $40. It is manicured and clean and safe, but it feels surreal, nightmarish. We flee.
---
In 2023, state and municipal governments in Baja California Sur announced they would revise several of the ordering, or zoning, plans that determine what can be built where. Previous ordering plans were either nonexistent or were written behind closed doors; this time, governments have opened the process to public review and invited people to attend meetings and submit comments. For the first time in recent memory, locals have a platform for expressing concerns about freshwater scarcity, and for speaking out in favor of public beach access and protections for wetlands, waterways, dunes, and endangered species. For the first time, they have a voice.
Yet, in Mexico, having a voice can be dangerous. In 2022, a global watchdog group found that 54 environmental or land rights activists were killed in the country, making it the deadliest place in the world for environmentalists. Some people I talk with are reluctant to let me use their names out of fear for their safety or their careers, including several members of a group of friends I meet one night at a *mezcaleria* in La Paz.
I join the friends in a courtyard behind the bar, where night-blooming cacti unfurl their white blossoms and people chat animatedly in Spanish over shots of mezcal. A couple has just come from a planning meeting, and after ordering fried grasshoppers, guacamole, and chili-dusted orange slices, they discuss their vision for the future. Its too late for many of Mexicos tourist hubs, they say, but the East Cape is a place where people still have a chance to get it right. Its a place where activists and visionaries might be able to disrupt the predictable patterns of mass tourism and disenfranchisement and ensure that the coast remains a public good, rather than a private resource monetized for the benefit of a few.
“This is possible, that its not all like Cabos, no?” another person interjects. “We can imagine and we can dream and we can build a different story, no?”
There are reasons for hope, they add. The mayor of La Paz has restored public access to several beaches that private development had cut off. A greater percentage of Baja Surs land area is under environmental protections than anywhere else in the country, and more people are now working to strengthen and enforce those protections. And scientists are documenting the regions biodiversity to make a case against the most egregious developments.
During my visit, Gómez Villada, of the Mexican Center for Environmental Law, is doing exactly that: collecting data from the site of the proposed megadevelopment at the border of Cabo Pulmo National Park where workers have begun clearing land. “We need to document what is happening at the site, what kind of works are being carried out, what regulations are being violated, what ecosystems or species are being affected,” she tells me. Her work will ultimately make a difference. In January 2024, two months after I leave Baja, the Federal Attorney for Environmental Protection (PROFEPA), an agency that ensures compliance with environmental regulations, will decide that the development is, in fact, illegal. The decision states that it would harm both the national park and sea turtle nesting habitat.
Such successes are heartening, but they also illustrate the challenges that activists face. The construction workers outside Cabo Pulmo initially ignore the ruling and dont cease work until several weeks later, after a local nonprofit convinces someone from PROFEPA to visit the site.
The new ordering plans, similarly, will only be useful if theyre enforced. Protections on paper have proven meaningless when money is changing hands. Although existing regulations are supposed to protect waterways and wetlands, for instance, Costa Palmas is being built on one of the states most ecologically important wetlands. Several people told me that they believe Costa Palmas construction is illegal and should never have been permitted. I reached out to multiple government officials, including the state director of PROFEPA, to try to understand why Costa Palmas and other questionable developments were allowed. None agreed to an interview.
[![Construction at Costa Palmas.](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/construction-cabo-pulmo-1200x675.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/construction-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Costa Palmas is under construction despite allegations of possible illegality.
Locals, on the other hand, are blunt. While some officials try to enforce the ordering plans, they tell me that others collude with developers or pretend not to notice contraventions. Sometimes, construction begins without the proper permits in hand. Other times, a developer will receive a permit to build, but with stipulations: dont disturb this particular habitat, for example. If they ignore the conditions, repercussions are rare. There simply arent enough resources for the few government officials in charge of enforcing environmental regulations to keep an eye on all the construction underway across the region.
And developers intent on profiting from the East Cape dont seem to be going away. Many proposed projects pop up again and again with different names and investors, exhausting even the most ardent activists. While big projects like the one near Cabo Pulmo garner the most attention, the cumulative impact of individual homes can be just as great—and harder to defeat. One woman who was part of the “resistance,” as she called it, told me that shed stopped fighting. “To be very honest,” she texts me, “\[my friends and I arent\] involved in this anymore … Its just part of the reality out here.”
---
Back in Cabo Pulmo, cell phone service has been down for at least four days. No one seems bothered by this. Its Día de los Muertos, Day of the Dead, and the village is hosting an *ofrenda* (altar) competition. A few dozen residents and a handful of expats stroll down the sandy road under the spill of the Milky Way, moving from one altar to the next.
[![Evening falls on the undeveloped coastline just south of the village of Cabo Pulmo](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/coastline-cabo-pulmo-1200x675.jpg)](https://hakaimagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/coastline-cabo-pulmo.jpg)
Evening falls on the undeveloped coastline just south of Cabo Pulmo.
One of the ofrendas is in a little shack at the end of the villages main road, just before it dead-ends onto the beach. Dozens of votives flicker within, but when I duck through the door, Im caught by surprise. Instead of photos of a dead relative, laminated placards with illustrations of extinct animals are propped on the tapestry-covered table. Theres the paloma de Socorro, or Socorro dove, last seen in the wild in 1972, and the zanate de lerma, or slender-billed grackle, a wetland bird of central Mexico driven to extinction in the early 20th century. Theres the Guadalupe caracara, a vulture-like falcon that was a close relative of the crested caracara, which still perches in elephant cacti throughout the East Cape.
Children crouch around the ofrenda, listening as a woman explains in rapid Spanish the demise of each species. Even though I dont understand everything shes saying, I absorb the gravity of her talk: the lessons that unchecked greed leads to loss; that this place is still flush with biodiversity because of peoples connection to their lands and waters; that there are places worth protecting, and doing so doesnt have to come at the expense of community well-being.
When shes done, we file out of the close, incense-filled room, and the mood lightens. There will be time for fighting and time for mourning, but tonight is a night to come together. Tonight, seabirds still fly against the darkening sky, and insects still buzz and chirp from the verdant desert. Old women still sit in plastic chairs with paper plates of tamales balanced on their laps. And the children, set free from their somber lesson, run laughing down the sandy roads that still, for now, belong to them.
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# Cabarets Endurance Run: The Untold History
A**s director Rebecca** Frecknall was rehearsing a new cast for her hit London revival of *Cabaret,* the actor playing Clifford Bradshaw, an American writer living in Berlin during the final days of the Weimar Republic, came onstage carrying that days newspaper as a prop. It happened to be *Metro,* the free London tabloid commuters read on their way to work. The date was February 25, 2022. When the actor said his line—“Weve got to leave Berlin—as soon as possible. Tomorrow!”—Frecknall was caught short. She noticed the papers headline: “Russia Invades Ukraine.”
*Cabaret,* the groundbreaking 1966 Broadway musical that tackles fascism, antisemitism, abortion, World War II, and the events leading up to the Holocaust, had certainly captured the times once again.
Back in rehearsals four months later, Frecknall and the cast got word that the Supreme Court had overturned *Roe v. Wade.* Every time she checks up on *Cabaret,* “it feels like something else has happened in the world,” she told me over coffee in London in September.
A month later, as Frecknall was preparing her production of *Cabaret* for its Broadway premiere, something else *did* happen: On October 7, Hamas terrorists infiltrated Israel, killing at least 1,200 people and taking more than 240 hostages.
The revival of *Cabaret*—starring [Eddie Redmayne](https://www.vanityfair.com/video/watch/careert-timeline-vf-career-timeline-eddie-redmayne) as the creepy yet seductive Emcee; Gayle Rankin as the gin-swilling nightclub singer Sally Bowles; and Bebe Neuwirth as Fraulein Schneider, a landlady struggling to scrape by—opens April 21 at Manhattans August Wilson Theatre. It will do so in the shadow of a pogrom not seen since the *Einsatzgruppen* slaughtered thousands of Jews in Eastern Europe and in the shadow of a war between Israel and Hamas that continues into its fifth month, with the killing of thousands of civilians in Gaza.
Nearly 60 years after its debut, *Cabaret* still stings. That is its brilliance. And its tragedy.
R**edmayne has been** haunted by *Cabaret* ever since he played the Emcee in prep school. “I was staggered by the character,” he says. “The lack of definition of it, the enigma of it.” He played the part again during his first year at Cambridge at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where nearly 3,500 shoestring productions jostle for attention each summer. *Cabaret,* performed in a tiny venue that “stank,” Redmayne recalls, did well enough that the producers added an extra show. He was leering at the Kit Kat Club girls from 8 p.m. till 10 p.m. and then from 11 p.m. till two in the morning. “Youd wake up at midday. You barely see sunshine. I just became this gaunt, skeletal figure.” His parents came to see him and said, “You need vitamin D!”
In 2021, Redmayne, by then an Oscar winner for *The Theory of Everything* and a Tony winner for *Red,* was playing the Emcee again, this time in Frecknalls West End production. His dressing room on opening night was full of flowers. There was one bouquet with a card he did not have a chance to open until intermission. It was from [Joel Grey](https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2017/02/cabaret-joel-grey-donald-trump-cautionary-tale-nazis), who originated the role on Broadway and won an Oscar for his performance alongside Liza Minnelli in the 1972 movie. He welcomed the young actor “to the family,” Redmayne says. “It was an extraordinary moment for me.”
*Cabaret* is based on *Goodbye to Berlin,* the British writer Christopher Isherwoods collection of stories and character studies set in Weimar Germany as the Nazis are clawing their way to power. Isherwood, who went to Berlin for one reason—“boys,” he wrote in his memoir *Christopher and His Kind*—lived in a dingy boarding house amid an array of sleazy lodgers who inspired his characters. But aside from a fleeting mention of a host at a seedy nightclub, there is no emcee in his vignettes. Nor is there an emcee in *I Am a Camera,* John Van Drutens hit 1951 Broadway play adapted from Isherwoods story “Sally Bowles” from *Goodbye to Berlin.*
The character, one of the most famous in Broadway history, was created by [Harold Prince](https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2016/1/hal-prince), who produced and directed the original *Cabaret.* “People write about *Cabaret* all the time,” says [John Kander](https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2003/11/two-men-and-a-star), who composed the shows music and is, at 96, the last living member of that creative team. “They write about Liza. They write about Joel, and sometimes about us \[Kander and lyricist Fred Ebb\]. None of that really matters. Its all Hal. Everything about this piece, even the variations that happen in different versions of it, is all because of Hal.”
In 1964, Prince produced his biggest hit: *Fiddler on the Roof.* In the final scene, Tevye and his family, having survived a pogrom, leave for America. There is sadness but also hope. And what of the Jews who did not leave? *Cabaret* would provide the tragic answer.
But Prince was after something else. Without hitting the audience over the head, he wanted to create a musical that echoed what was happening in America: young men being sent to their deaths in Vietnam; racists such as Alabama politician “Bull” Connor siccing attack dogs on civil rights marchers. In rehearsals, Prince put up Will Countss iconic photograph of a white student screaming at a Black student during the Little Rock crisis of 1957. “Thats our show,” he told the cast.
A bold idea he had early on was to juxtapose the lives of Isherwoods lodgers with one of the tawdry nightclubs Isherwood had frequented. In 1951, while stationed as a soldier in Stuttgart, Germany, Prince himself had hung around such a place. Presiding over the third-rate acts was a master of ceremonies in white makeup and of indeterminate sexuality. He “unnerved me,” Prince once told me. “But I never forgot him.”
Kander had seen the same kind of character at the opening of a [Marlene Dietrich](https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/1997/9/dietrich-lived-here) concert in Europe. “An overpainted little man waddled out and said, *Willkommen, bienvenue,* welcome,’ ” Kander recalls.
The first song Kander and Ebb wrote for the show was called “Willkommen.” They wrote 60 more songs. “Some of them were outrageous,” Kander says. “We wrote some antisemitic songs”—of which there were many in Weimar cabarets—“Good neighbor Cohen, loaned you a loan. We didnt get very far with that one.”
They did write one song *about* antisemitism: “If You Could See Her (The Gorilla Song),” in which the Emcee dances with his lover, a gorilla in a pink tutu. At the end of the number, he turns to the audience and whispers: “If you could see her through my eyes, she wouldnt look Jewishhh at all.” It was, they thought, the most powerful song in the score.
The working title of their musical was *Welcome to Berlin.* But then a woman who sold blocks of tickets to theater parties told Prince that her Jewish clients would not buy a show with “Berlin” in the title. Strolling along the beach one day, Joe Masteroff, who was writing the musicals book, thought of two recent hits, *Carnival* and *Camelot.* Both started with a *C* and had three syllables. Why not call the show *Cabaret*?
To play the Emcee, Prince tapped his friend Joel Grey. A nightclub headliner, Grey could not break into Broadway. “The theater was very high-minded,” he once said. When Prince called him, he was playing a pirate in a third-rate musical in New Yorks Jones Beach. “Hal knew I was dying,” Grey recounts over lunch in the West Village, where he lives. “I wanted to quit the business.”
At first, he struggled to create the Emcee, who did not interact with the other characters. He had numbers but “no words, no lines, no role,” Grey wrote in his memoir, *Master of Ceremonies.* A polished performer, he had no trouble with the songs, the dances, the antics. “But something was missing,” he says. Then he remembered a cheap comedian hed once seen in St. Louis. The comic had told lecherous jokes, gay jokes, sexist jokes—anything to get a laugh. One day in rehearsal, Grey did everything the comedian had done “to get the audience crazy. I was all over the girls, squeezing their breasts, touching their bottoms. They were furious. I was horrible. When it was over I thought, This is the end of my career.” He disappeared backstage and cried. “And then from out of the darkness came Mr. Prince,” Grey says. “He put his hand on my shoulder and said, Joely, thats it.’ ”
*C**abaret*** **played its** first performance at the Shubert Theatre in Boston in the fall of 1966. Grey stopped the show with the opening number, “Willkommen.” “The audience wouldnt stop applauding,” Grey recalls. “I turned to the stage manager and said, Should I get changed for the next scene?’ ”
The musical ran long—it was in three acts—but it got a prolonged standing ovation. As the curtain came down, Richard Seff, an agent who represented Kander and Ebb, ran into Ebb in the aisle. “Its wonderful,” Seff said. “Youll fix the obvious flaws.” In the middle of the night, Seffs phone rang. It was Ebb. “You hated it!” the songwriter screamed. “You are of no help at all!”
Ebb was reeling because hed learned Prince was going to cut the show down to two acts. Ebb collapsed in his hotel bed, Kander holding one hand, Grey the other. “Youre not dying, Fred,” Kander told him. “Hal has not wrecked our show.”
*Cabaret* came roaring into New York, fueled by tremendous word of mouth. But there was a problem. Some Jewish groups were furious about “If You Could See Her.” How could you equate a gorilla with a Jew? they wanted to know, missing the point entirely. They threatened to boycott the show. Prince, his eye on ticket sales, told Ebb to change the line “She wouldnt look Jewish at all” to something less offensive: “She isnt a *meeskite* at all,” using the Yiddish word for a homely person.
It is difficult to imagine the impact *Cabaret* had on audiences in 1966. World War II had ended only 21 years before. Many New York theatergoers had fled Europe or fought the Nazis. There were Holocaust survivors in the audience; there were people whose relatives had died in the gas chambers. Grey knew the shows power. Some nights, dancing with the gorilla, hed whisper “Jewish” instead of “meeskite.” The audience gasped.
*Cabaret* won eight Tony Awards in 1967, catapulted Grey to Broadway stardom, and ran for three years. Seff sold the movie rights for $1.5 million, a record at the time. Prince, about to begin rehearsals for Stephen Sondheims *Company,* was unavailable to direct the movie, scheduled for a 1972 release. So the producers hired the director and choreographer [Bob Fosse](https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2013/11/bob-fosse-biography-review), who needed the job because his previous movie, *Sweet Charity,* had been a bust.
Fosse, who saw Prince as a rival, stamped out much of what Prince had done, including Joel Grey. He wanted Ruth Gordon to play the Emcee. But Grey was a sensation, and the studio wanted him. “Its either me or Joel,” Fosse said. When the studio opted for Grey, Fosse backed down. But he resented Grey, and relations between them were icy.
A 26-year-old [Liza Minnelli](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2002/03/happyvalley200203), on the way to stardom herself, was cast as Sally Bowles. The handsome Michael York would play the Cliff character, whose name in the movie was changed to Brian Roberts. And supermodel [Marisa Berenson](https://www.vogue.com/article/marisa-berenson-a-life-in-pictures) (who at the time seemed to be on the cover of *Vogue* every other month) got the role of a Jewish department store heiress, a character Fosse took from Isherwoods short story “The Landauers.”
*Cabaret* was shot on location in Munich and Berlin. “The atmosphere was extremely heavy,” Berenson recalls. “There was the whole Nazi period, and I felt very much the Berlin Wall, that darkness, that fear, all that repression.” She adored Fosse, but he kept her off balance (she was playing a young woman traumatized by what was happening around her) by whispering “obscene things in my ear. He was shaking me up.”
Minnelli, costumed by Halston for the film, found Fosse “brilliant” and “incredibly intense,” she tells *Vanity Fair* in a rare interview. “He used every part of me, including my scoliosis. One of my great lessons in working with Fosse was never to think that whatever he was asking couldnt be done. If he said do it, you had to figure out how to do it. You didnt think about how much it hurt. You just made it happen.”
Back in New York, Fosse arranged a private screening of *Cabaret* for Kander and Ebb. When it was over, they said nothing. “We really hated it,” Kander admits. Then they went to the opening at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York. The audience loved it. “We realized it was a masterpiece,” Kander says, laughing. “It just wasnt our show.”
The success of the movie—with its eight Academy Awards—soon overshadowed the musical. When people thought of *Cabaret,* they thought of finger snaps and bowler hats. They thought of Fosse and, of course, Minnelli, who would adopt the lyric “Life is a cabaret” as her signature. Her best-actress Oscar became part of a dynasty: Her mother, [Judy Garland](https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2000/4/till-mgm-do-us-part), and father, director [Vincente Minnelli](https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2000/4/till-mgm-do-us-part), each had one of their own. “Papa was even more excited about the Oscar than I was,” she says. “And, baby, I was—no, I *am* still—excited.”
By 1987—in part to burnish *Cabaret*s theatrical legacy—Prince decided to recreate his original production on Broadway, with Grey once again serving as the Emcee. But it had the odor of mothballs. The *New York Times* drama critic Frank Rich wrote that it was not, as Sally Bowles sings, “perfectly marvelous,” but “it does approach the perfectly mediocre.” Much of the show, he added, was “old-fashioned and plodding.”
I**n the early 1990s,** [Sam Mendes](https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2014/03/sam-mendes-rules-for-directors), then a young director running a pocket-size theater in London called the Donmar Warehouse, heard [the novelist Martin Amis](https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/05/martin-amis-is-dead-at-73) give a talk. Amis was writing *Times Arrow,* about a German doctor who works in a concentration camp. “Ive already written about the Nazis and people say to me, Why are you doing it again?’ ” Amis said. “And I say, what else is there?”
“At the end of the day,” Mendes tells me, “the biggest question of the 20th century is, How could this have happened?’ ” Mendes decided to stage *Cabaret* at the Donmar in 1993. Another horror was unfolding at the time: Serb paramilitaries were slaughtering Bosnian Muslims, “ethnic cleansing” on an unimaginable scale.
Mendes hit on a terrific concept for his production: He transformed his theater into a nightclub. The audience sat at little tables with red lamps. And the performers were truly seedy. He told the actors playing the Kit Kat Club girls not to shave their armpits or their legs. “Unshaved armpits—it sent shock waves around the theater,” he recalls. Since there was no room—or money—for an orchestra, the actors played the instruments. Some of them could hit the right notes.
To play the Emcee, Mendes cast [Alan Cumming](https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2014/4/alan-cumming), a young Scottish actor whose comedy act Mendes had enjoyed. “Can you sing?” Mendes asked him. “Yeah,” Cumming said. Mendes threw ideas at him and “he was open to everything.” Just before the first preview, Mendes suggested he come out during the intermission and chat up the audience, maybe dance with a woman. Mendes, frantic before the preview, never got around to giving Cumming any more direction than that. No matter. Cumming sauntered onstage as people were settling back at their tables, picked a man out of the crowd, and started dancing with him. “Watch your hands,” he said. “I lead.”
[Cummings Emcee was impish](https://www.vanityfair.com/style/alan-cumming-is-a-fountain-of-youth-unto-himself), fun, gleefully licentious. The audience loved him. “I have never had less to do with a great performance in one of my shows than I had to do with Alan,” Mendes says.
When Joe Masteroff came to see the show in London, Mendes was nervous. Hed taken plenty of liberties with the script. Cliff, the narrator, was now openly gay. (One night, when Cliff kissed a male lover, a man in the audience shouted, “Rubbish!”) And he made the Emcee a victim of the Nazis. In the final scene, Cumming, in a concentration camp uniform affixed with a yellow Star of David and a pink triangle, is jolted, as if hes thrown himself onto the electrified fence at Birkenau.
“I should be really pissed with you,” Masteroff told Mendes after the show. “But it works.” Kander liked it too, though he was not happy that the actors didnt play his score all that well. Ebb hated it. “He wanted more professionalism,” Mendes says. “And he was not wrong. There was a dangerous edge of amateurishness about it.”
The Roundabout Theatre Company brought *Cabaret* to New York in 1998. Rob Marshall, who would go on to direct the movie *Chicago,* helped Mendes give the show some Broadway gloss while retaining its grittiness. The two young directors were “challenging each other, pushing each other,” Marshall remembers, “to create something unique.”
Cumming reprised his role as the Emcee. He was on fire. [Natasha Richardson](https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2020/07/micheal-richardson-pays-sweet-homage-to-late-mother-natasha), the daughter of Vanessa Redgrave and director Tony Richardson, played Sally Bowles. She was not on fire. Shed never been in a musical before, and when she sang, “There was absolutely no sound coming out,” Kander says.
“She beat herself up about her singing all the time,” Mendes adds. “There was a deep, self-critical aspect of Tash that was instilled by her dad, a brilliant man but extremely cutting.” He once said to her out of nowhere: “Were going to have to do something about your chin, dear.” As Mendes saw it, she always felt that she could never measure up to her parents.
Kander went to work with her, and slowly a voice emerged. It was not a “polished sound,” Marshall says, but it was haunting, vulnerable. Still, Cumming was walking away with the show. At the first preview, when he took his bow, the audience roared. When Richardson took hers, they were polite. Mendes remembers going backstage and finding her “in tears.” But she persevered and through sheer force of will created a Sally Bowles that “will break your heart,” Masteroff told me the day before I saw that production in the spring of 1998. She did indeed. (Eleven years later, while learning how to ski on a bunny hill on Mont Tremblant, she fell down. She died of a head injury two days later.)
The revival of *Cabaret* won four Tony Awards, including one for Richardson as best actress in a musical. It ran nearly 2,400 performances at the Roundabouts Studio 54 and was revived again in 2014. And the money, money, money, as the song goes, poured in. Once Masteroff, having already filed his taxes at the end of a lucrative *Cabaret* year, went to the mailbox and opened a royalty check for $60,000. “What the hell am I supposed to do with *this*?” he snapped.
R**ebecca Frecknall grew** up on Mendess Donmar Warehouse production of *Cabaret.* The BBC filmed it, and when it aired, her father videotaped it. She watched it “religiously.” But when she came to direct her production, she had to put Mendess version out of her mind.
Mendes turned his little theater into a nightclub. Frecknall, working with the brilliant set and costume designer Tom Scutt, has upped the game. They have transformed the entire theater into a Weimar cabaret. You stand in line at the stage door, waiting, you hope, to be let in. Once inside, youre served drinks while the Kit Kat Club girls dance and flirt with you. The shows logo is a geometric eye. Scutt sprinkles the motif throughout his sets and costumes. “Its all part of the voyeurism,” Scutt explains. “The sense of always being watched, always watching—responsibility, culpability, implication, blame.”
Mendess *Cabaret,* like Fosses, had a black-and-white aesthetic—black fishnet stockings, black leather coats, a white face for the Emcee. Frecknall and Scutt begin their show with bright colors, which slowly fade to gray as the walls close in on the characters. “Color and individuality—to grayness and homogeneity,” Frecknall says.
As the first woman to direct a major production of *Cabaret,* Frecknall has focused attention on the Kit Kat Club girls—Rosie, Fritzie, Frenchie, Lulu, and Texas. “Often what Ive seen in other productions is this homogenized group of pretty, white, skinny girls in their underwear,” she insists. Her Kit Kat Club girls are multiethnic. Some are transgender. Through performances and costumes, they are no longer appendages of the Emcee but vivid characters in their own right.
Her boldest stroke has been to reinvent the Emcee. She and Redmayne have turned him into a force of malevolence. He is still sexy and seductive, but as the show goes on, he becomes a skeletal puppet master manipulating the other characters to, in many cases, their doom. If Cummings Emcee was, in the end, a Holocaust victim, Redmaynes is, in Frecknalls words, “a perpetrator.”
U**nwrapping a grilled** cheese sandwich in his enormous Upper West Side townhouse, Kander says that his husband had recently asked him a pointed question: “Did it ever occur to you that all of you guys who created *Cabaret* were Jewish?”
“Not really,” Kander replied. “We were just trying to put on a show.” Or, as Masteroff once said: “It was a job.”
Its a “job” that has endured. The producers of the Broadway revival certainly have faith in the shows staying power. Theyve spent $25 million on the production, a big chunk of it going to reconfigure the August Wilson Theatre into the Kit Kat Club. Audience members will enter through an alleyway, be given a glass of schnapps, and can then enjoy a preshow drink at a variety of lounges designed by Scutt: The Pineapple Room, Red Bar, Green Bar, and Vault Bar. The show will be performed in the round, tables and chairs ringing the stage. And theyll be able to enjoy a bottle (or two) of top-flight Champagne throughout the performance.
This revival is certainly the most lavish *Cabaret* in a long time. But there have been hundreds of other, less heralded productions over the years, with more on the way. A few months before Russia invaded Ukraine, *Cabaret* was running in Moscow. Last December, Concord Theatricals, which licenses the show, authorized a production at the Molodyy Theatre in Kyiv. And a request is in for a production in Israel, the first since the show was produced in Tel Aviv in 2014.
“The interesting thing about the piece is that it seems to change with the times,” Kander says. “Nothing about it seems to be written in stone except its narrative and its implications.”
And whenever someone tells him the show is more relevant than ever, Kander shakes his head and says, “I know. And isnt that awful?”′
- [Anne Hathaway](https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/anne-hathaway-cover-story) on Tuning Out the Haters and Embracing Her True Self
- And the [MAGA Mutiny](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/steve-bannon-maga-mutiny-mccarthy-gaetz-trump) That Brought McCarthys House Down
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# Chinese Organized Crimes Latest U.S. Target: Gift Cards
ProPublica is a nonprofit newsroom that investigates abuses of power. Sign up to receive [our biggest stories](https://www.propublica.org/newsletters/the-big-story?source=www.propublica.org&placement=top-note&region=national) as soon as theyre published.
Federal authorities are investigating the involvement of Chinese organized crime rings in gift card fraud schemes that have stolen hundreds of millions of dollars or more from American consumers.
The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has launched a task force, whose existence has not previously been reported, to combat a scheme known as “card draining,” in which thieves use stolen or altered card numbers to siphon off money before the owner can spend it. The initiative has been dubbed “Project Red Hook,” for the perpetrators ties to China and their exploitation of cards hung in store kiosks on “J-hooks.”
This marks the first time that federal authorities have focused on the role of Chinese organized crime in gift card fraud and devoted resources to fighting it. Homeland Security Investigations, a DHS agency, began prioritizing gift card fraud late last year in response to a flurry of consumer complaints and arrests connected to card draining.
Over the past 18 months, law enforcement across the country has arrested about 100 people for card draining, of whom 80 to 90 are Chinese nationals or Chinese Americans, according to Adam Parks, a Homeland Security assistant special agent in charge based in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Parks, who is leading the task force, estimates that another 1,000 people could be involved in card draining in the U.S., mostly as runners for the gangs.
“Were talking hundreds of millions of dollars, potentially billions of dollars, \[and\] thats a substantial risk to our economy and to peoples confidence in their retail environment,” he told ProPublica.
Card draining is when criminals remove gift cards from a store display, open them in a separate location, and either record the card numbers and PINs or replace them with a new barcode. The crooks then repair the packaging, return to a store and place the cards back on a rack. When a customer unwittingly selects and loads money onto a tampered card, the criminal is able to access the card online and steal the balance.
Federal investigators believe multiple Chinese criminal organizations are involved in card draining and are using the proceeds to fund other illicit activities, from narcotics to human trafficking, according to Parks. ProPublica recently revealed [Chinese organized crimes involvement](https://www.propublica.org/article/chinese-organized-crime-us-marijuana-market) in the illegal U.S. cannabis industry and the [laundering of cocaine, heroin and fentanyl profits](https://www.propublica.org/article/china-cartels-xizhi-li-money-laundering). ProPublica has also exposed how [Walmart and other retailers have facilitated the spread of gift card fraud](https://www.propublica.org/article/walmart-financial-services-became-fraud-magnet-gift-cards-money-laundering) and has revealed the role of Chinese fraud rings in gift card laundering.
The DHS team in Baton Rouge led an investigation that resulted in the conviction and [2023 sentencing](https://www.justice.gov/usao-mdla/pr/canadian-man-sentenced-lengthy-federal-prison-sentence-scheme-operate-illicit-online) to prison of a Canadian man who stole more than $22 million by operating an illicit online gift card marketplace that victimized American consumers and businesses. As arrests for card draining began piling up around the country, Parks and special agent Dariush Vollenweider saw the need for a national response.
Last November, they convened a two-day summit at DHS headquarters in Washington, D.C., attended by many of the countrys top retailers and gift card suppliers. Federal authorities pushed the industry to share information and help thwart the gangs. The agency then issued a bulletin in December alerting law enforcement across the country about the card-tampering tactics. Parks said about 15 Homeland Security agents are now spending most of their time on Project Red Hook.
“Its not just a one-store problem,” Vollenweider said. “Its not just a Secret Service or DHS or FBI problem. Its an industry problem that needs to be addressed.”
![](https://img.assets-d.propublica.org/v5/images/Target-Gift-Cards.png?crop=focalpoint&fit=crop&fm=webp&fp-x=0.5&fp-y=0.5&h=444&q=80&w=800&s=993a4a41a586ebcc47cb9b71e68ee7b6)
The Illinois State Police found hundreds of altered gift cards in the back of a car during a traffic stop in January 2023. Credit: United States District Court
Americans are expected to spend more than $200 billion on gift cards this year, according to an industry estimate. Retailers love gift cards because they drive sales and profit: Consumers typically spend more than a cards value when they shop, and chains like Walmart and Target earn a profit when someone buys a third-party gift card, such as those from Apple or Google.
Data from retailers and consumers shows that card draining has skyrocketed in recent years. Target alone has seen $300 million stolen from customers due to card draining, according to comments last June from a company loss prevention officer contained in [a Florida sheriffs office report](https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/24536188-gainesville-case-detailed-arrest-report). A recent survey by AARP, the nonprofit advocacy group for people over age 50, found that almost a quarter of Americans have [given or received a card with no balance](https://www.aarp.org/pri/topics/work-finances-retirement/fraud-consumer-protection/gift-card-scams-survey.html) on it, presumably because the money had been stolen. More than half of victims surveyed said they couldnt get a credit or refund. (Apple, Walmart and Target say, in their terms and conditions, that they are not responsible for lost or stolen gift cards.)
More broadly, almost 60% of retailers said they experienced an [increase in gift card scams](https://nrf.com/research/national-retail-security-survey-2023) between 2022 and 2023. Between 2019 and 2023, Americans lost close to $1 billion to card draining and other gift card scams, according to the Federal Trade Commission.
Target and Walmart have faced class-action suits from consumers who bought or received gift cards only to discover the balance had been stolen. In each case, the plaintiffs alleged that the companies have failed to secure the packaging of gift cards and to monitor their displays. “The tampering of Gift Cards purchased from Target is rampant and widespread and Target is well-aware of the problem, yet Target continues to sell unsecure Gift Cards susceptible to tampering without warning consumers of this fact,” reads the complaint in the Target case.
The Walmart case was resolved in 2022 with an undisclosed settlement, and Target is engaged in settlement talks. [Apple settled a similar card-draining class-action case](https://www.shaygiftcardsettlement.com/) in January, agreeing to pay $1.8 million. Walmart and Apple did not admit liability.
Apple declined to comment about card draining and the DHS investigation. In court filings in the class-action, Apple said that since the cards were purchased at Walmart, “the fraud occurred as a result of Walmarts security protocols, rather than Apples.” A Walmart spokesperson told ProPublica, “Although we will not comment on ongoing investigations, we are proud of our routine work with federal law enforcement to stay ahead of these fraudsters and help keep customers safe.”
Target denied in court filings that its gift card security practices were inadequate and that its cards were susceptible to third-party tampering. “We are aware of the prevalence of gift card tampering and take this issue very seriously,” Target said in a statement to ProPublica. “Our cyber fraud and abuse team uses technical controls to help protect guests, and our store teams inspect cards for physical signs of tampering.” Target said it encourages employees to watch for people buying “high dollar amounts or large quantities of gift cards, or tampering with gift cards in stores.” Like Walmart, Target said it works closely with law enforcement.
Gift card scammers linked to Chinese criminal organizations trick their victims in many ways besides card draining. Some scams dupe victims into unwittingly paying criminals with gift cards. Whatever the ruse, the crime rings make use of low-level “runners” in the U.S., who are almost exclusively Chinese nationals or Chinese Americans. In card draining, the runners assist with removing, tampering and restocking of gift cards, according to court documents and investigators.
A single runner driving from store to store can swipe or return thousands of tampered cards to racks in a short time. “What they do is they just fly into the city and they get a rental car and they just hit every big-box location that they can find along a corridor off an interstate,” said Parks.
In a 24-hour period last December, an alleged runner named Ming Xue visited 14 Walmarts in Ohio before being arrested, according to court documents. Police said they found 2,260 Visa, Apple and Mastercard gift cards in his car. Xue entered the U.S. illegally months before his arrest, according to a prosecution motion. He has pleaded innocent.
DHS is looking at whether Chinese criminal organizations bring people into the U.S. to use them as card-draining runners. John Cassara, a retired federal agent and the author of “China-Specified Unlawful Activities: CCP Inc., Transnational Crime and Money Laundering,” said Chinese criminal enterprises often smuggle workers across the border for other enterprises such as prostitution or growing marijuana.
Parks said investigators are aware that “some of the individuals who were arrested were within weeks to months of being encountered illegally crossing the southern border.”
Other alleged card-draining runners entered the U.S. legally and told police they were hired via online postings. Donghui Liao was arrested at a Florida Target after employees noticed him removing gift cards from a bag and placing them on racks. Through a translator, he told police that his employer hired him online and mailed gift cards to him, according to court documents. He was paid 30 cents for each card he returned to the rack. Police said they found $60,000 worth of tampered cards in his possession. Liao remains in custody and his case was recently transferred to federal court. The DOJ did not respond to requests for comment and Liao has pleaded innocent.
In New Hampshire, police arrested three people between December and March for, among other alleged crimes, using stolen gift card balances to purchase millions of dollars worth of electronics such as iPhones. An apartment used by two of the suspects contained “a large quantity of Apple brand devices, cash, and a computer program that appeared to be running gift card numbers, in real-time,” according to a police report. (Criminals use software to automatically check gift card balances so they can be alerted when a customer buys and loads money onto a tampered card.) The fraudsters typically export the electronics back to China to resell them, according to Vollenweider.
Parks said Red Hook is recommending anti-fraud measures to retailers, such as closer scrutiny of gift card displays, while also heightening awareness of the problem among merchants and local law enforcement. Store security and local police have sometimes treated runners as small-time annoyances and booted them from stores, rather than arresting and prosecuting them, according to Parks. The task force hopes to work with local police to locate and charge previously released runners.
“Its important for us to start delivering consequences,” he said.
Correction
**April 10, 2024:** Based on information provided by a Walmart spokesperson, this story originally stated incorrectly that Walmart attended a two-day summit between DHS and top retailers to address gift card fraud. Walmart subsequently said it did not attend the November meeting. Walmart is participating in Project Red Hook.
**Clarification, April 10, 2024:** This story has been clarified to note that the investigation described in the article is being conducted by Homeland Security Investigations, a DHS agency.
Doris Burke contributed research.
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# Cillian Murphy Is the Man of the Moment
**In the fall of 2021,** Christopher Nolan knew just where to find Cillian Murphy. The director flew to Ireland with a document in his carry-on, Hollywoods equivalent of the nuclear football. It was a script for his top secret new film, printed, apparently, on red paper. “Which is supposedly photocopy-proof,” Murphy explained. He wasnt surprised by the in-person visit. The two had worked together on five previous films, and every Nolan script, Murphy said, had been dropped off by Nolan or one of his family members. “So, like, its been his mom whos delivered the script to me before. Or his brother, hell go away and come back in three hours. Part of it has to do with keeping the story secret before it goes out. But part of it has to do with tradition. Theyve always done it this way, so why stop now? It does add a ritual to it, which I really appreciate. It suits me.”
Murphy met Nolan at his Dublin hotel room—and then Nolan left him to read. He read and read and read. All 197 pages, the rarest kind of script, written in the first person of the films protagonist, J. Robert Oppenheimer. All action, all incidence, swirling around this character—a big-brained, psychologically complex giant of world history. Murphy had never played a lead in a Nolan film before, but had committed to this role as soon as Nolan told him about it, before hed even seen a page of the script. “Hed already called me and said he wanted me to play the part. And I had said Yes—because I always say Yes to him.” The afternoon ran out. “And he doesnt have a phone or anything,” Murphy said. “But he knew instinctively when to come back.” Nolan in command of time, as ever. They spent the rest of the evening together—and then Murphy took the DART train home, and got to work.
The result was one of the most watched and most acclaimed films of 2023—a nearly billion-dollar blockbuster about a tormented genius (and, yes, the father of the atomic bomb). The performance affirmed for many what has been quietly known for some time: that Cillian Murphy is, or at least was, one of the most underrated actors in all of Hollywood. In small potent roles in those other Nolan films. As a shape-shifting bit player and lead in dozens of films and plays over the past three decades. And, of course, across 10 years and six seasons of *Peaky Blinders*—the hit series that made him truly known globally. “Some years ago,” Christopher Nolan said, “I made what was probably a mistake in some moment of drunken sincerity of telling him hes the best actor of his generation. And so now he gets to show that to the rest of the world so everybody can realize that.”
Part of the reason that Murphy still felt like something of a secret until recently is that he lives, breathes, and presides at a remove from the noise. This is by design. In 2015, Murphy returned home to Ireland from London, already some distance from Hollywood proper, to a quiet hamlet on the Irish Sea—not exactly off the grid, but one ring still further outside the blast radius of his industry.
One evening this winter, I took the DART down the seacoast from Dublin City Centre to Monkstown to have dinner with Murphy. We met at a restaurant where, he told me, “I have a usual table, would you believe it?” A statement encircled in neon pride for how much it emphasized that he did not have a usual table anywhere else. He slunk there comfortably for much of the night, bouncing, leaning forward, floppy rocker-dad hair swept casually across his forehead, his famously light eyes drawing in passersby like two pockets of quicksand.
Murphy and his wife of 20 years, artist Yvonne McGuinness, live by the sea with their two teenage sons. In Ireland, the abundance of their creative existence is all around them. The art galleries all seem to be filled with work by his family members. The music on the radio is curated by friends—or Murphy himself. There are occasional pints with his elder Irish actor idols, Brendan Gleeson and Stephen Rea.
Life here for Murphy is filled with, well, life. His boys are approaching exit velocity. There are exams. Chores. Errands. He and his youngest were flying out in the morning to attend a soccer match in Liverpool. “I wouldve taken you elsewhere for some Guinness,” Murphy said, “except I have to drive to drop my boy off at a party tonight.” The brand of busyness all felt quite far from the bubbles that typically cocoon the leading men in the film industry.
“I have a couple of friends who are actors but a majority of them are not,” Murphy said. “The majority of my buddies are not in the business. I also love *not working.* And I think for me a lot of research as an actor is just fucking *living*, and, you know, having a normal life doing regular things and just being able to observe, and *be*, in that sort of lovely flow of humanity. If you cant do that because youre going from film festival to movie set to promotions…I mean thats The Bubble. Im not saying that makes you any better or less as an actor, but its just a world that I couldnt exist in. I find it would be very limiting on what you can experience as a human being, you know?”
Sweater by Bode.
Cillian Murphy, at least on one weekend this winter, seemed to me to have something so deeply figured out that I spent the month after our time together unable to shake the experience of being in the presence of someone living so much the way that so many other actors—so many artists, so many people—claim to want to live. Away from it all, but in highest demand. Delivering Oscar-worthy performances, while also seeming convincingly content to disappear for a long while, at any point, no questions. The stabilizing forces at home seemed to work as an anchor point from which to go off and wander as an artist. “He has this rare blend of humility with this supercharge of creativity,” Emily Blunt said. “Hes just a lovely, sane person. Hes so, so *sane*. And yet hes got such wildness in him in the parts that hes able to play.”
He was the first of his friends to have kids, and thus will be the first with an empty nest. More time for movies. (Maybe.) More time for music. (Certainly.) More time to go on runs at night, when the lights streaking by make him feel like hes going faster. Even more time for sleep: “I sleep a lot. I do 10-hour sleeps.” He seemed immune to the need to be *in the mix*—of fame, of fashion, of free dinners, the titillating offerings of a *scene.* A lot of actors age out of that compulsion, but the thing is, hes not old. Forty-seven. At the height of his powers, entering his prime. Not exiting the industry, but just floating lightly beside, until called upon, which he often is, and will be more now than ever.
He tries to do one movie a year, preferably not in summer, when he likes to spend most of his time on the west coast of Ireland doing nothing much but finding new music for his radio program on BBC 6 or walking his black Lab, Scout. He is perfectly happy to be “unemployed” while he waits for the right new film to come his way. “There couldve been a situation when Chris called me up that I was doing something else,” he said. “And that wouldve been the worst of all scenarios.” In this way, he seems to adhere to his version of Michael Pollans adage toward healthy eating: “Make movies. Not too many. Mostly with Christopher Nolan.” Imagine the discipline, the confidence, the peace of mind, to not worry about missing an opportunity, a lunch, a party, a fork in the road back in one of the frothier Hollywood hubs, but rather to stroll along emerald shores, as the days stretch out till 10 at night, knowing that they know you—and that ultimately they know where to find you.
In Monkstown. Probably at his table. Looking present. Clear-eyed. Like any local, but with more moisture in his skin. At dinner, he asked me just once not to put something in the piece: a nuanced take he shared on a local establishment. Nothing so dangerous as an unwelcome opinion in a small town. No truer sign of someone “just fucking living” there. The dream.
---
**Nolan had first** seen Murphy in 2003, in a promotional image for *28 Days Later* that had run in the *San Francisco Chronicle.* “I was looking to cast Batman, looking for some actors to screen-test, and I was just very struck by his eyes, his appearance, everything about him, wanted to find out more,” Nolan told me. “When I met him, he didnt strike me as necessarily right for Batman. But there was just a *vibe*—there are people you meet in your life who you just want to stay connected with, work with, you try to find ways to create together.” So Nolan put him on camera just to see what happened. “He first performed as Bruce Wayne, and I saw the crew stop and pay attention in a way that I had never seen before, and really never seen since. And it was this electricity just coming off the guy, it was an incredible energy. And so I called some executives, and they were impressed enough with him that they let me cast him as Scarecrow. Those Batman villains at the time had only ever been played by huge stars — Jack Nicholson, Arnold Schwarzenegger. So, its just a testament to his raw talent.”
*Batman Begins* was the first of his smaller roles in Nolans three Batman movies, *Inception,* and *Dunkirk*. “I hope he wont mind me saying, but when I first worked with him, he was all pure instinct, and the technical side of acting wasnt something that had registered as important with him. We would literally put a mark down and he would just walk right over it,” Nolan said, laughing. But over two decades, “as I saw him develop his technical facility, it did not in any way distract or diminish the instinctive nature of his performance.”
For the lead in *Oppenheimer,* Murphy prepared at home for six months, focusing first on the voice and the silhouette (in other words, shedding weight to reflect the skin and bones of a world-renowned physicist who subsisted primarily on martinis and cigarettes during his years developing the bomb). On set, as the days of filming piled on in the New Mexico desert, the specialness of what Murphy was up to started to spread across the set among the cast and crew “like a rumor,” Nolan said. “I remember the same thing with Heath Ledger on *The Dark Knight*.”
Blunt, who plays Oppenheimers beleaguered wife, Kitty, first got to know Murphy well on *A Quiet Place Part II.* “Cillians really kidnapping to be in a scene with. He pulls you into this vibrational vortex,” she told me. “He loves a party. But when hes working, hes intensely focused, and wont socialize very much at all. Certainly not on *Oppenheimer,* I mean he didnt have anything left in the tank to say one word to someone at the end of the day.”
Matt Damon told me that when they were shooting out in the middle of New Mexico, he and Blunt and the rest of the cast would go down and eat at this one little café. “It was like a mess tent,” he said. “And Cillian was invited every night, but never made it once.”
Murphy was back in his room, preserving his energy, prepping for the next day, minding the Oppenheimer silhouette.
“Okay, hes losing weight, he cant eat at night, you know hes miserable,” Damon said. “But you know hes doing whats best for the movie that you all want to be as good as possible, and so youre cheering him on. But at dinner youre sitting there and youre all shaking your heads going, *Man,* this is brutal.”
“The one thing that he would allow himself, his one luxury, is that he would take a bath at night. I mean he would allow himself literally a few almonds or something. And then sit in his bath with his script and just work. By himself, every night.”.
The performance is so big, but so much of it is invisible to the audience, in the concentrated intensity of the interpretation. The nucleus. Toward which so many elements subtly draw us closer to his character. Just one example: If it were period accurate, Murphy said, everyone would be smoking and wearing hats, but hes the only one doing either. “Its emphatic, but subliminally so.” The author Kai Bird, who cowrote the monumental biography of Oppenheimer, *American Prometheus,* upon which the film is based, spent a day at the Los Alamos set watching Murphy play the scene where Oppenheimer talks to his team of scientists about the bomb while someone drops marbles into a fishbowl and a snifter. “At one point during a break, he approached wearing his baggy brown suit and turquoise belt and I raised my arms and shouted, Dr. Oppenheimer, Dr. Oppenheimer, Ive been waiting decades to meet you!’ ” Bird said. “He especially captured the voice and Oppies intensity.” (At one point during our conversation, Bird asked me to confirm: “Those are *his* blue eyes, right? Or is he wearing lenses?”)
The film was released on Barbenheimer weekend, just after the SAG-AFTRA strike began, and despite enjoying some lighter time with Blunt, Damon, and the cast, Murphy was relieved to cut short the promotion of the film. “I think its a broken model,” he said of red-carpet interviews and junkets. Outdated and a drag for actors. “The model is—everybody is so bored.” Look what happened when they went on strike, he said. It all stopped. But the fact that the film was good, and *Barbie* was good, two at the same time, people going crazy—it just shows you dont need it. “Same was the case with *Peaky Blinders.* The first three seasons there was no advertising, a tiny show on BBC Two; it just caught fire because people talked to each other about it.”
Murphys reticence in many interviews is palpable. “Its like Joanne Woodward said,” he told me. “Acting is like sex—do it, dont talk about it.’ ” Although I wouldnt characterize his disposition on, say, late-night TV as gruff, hes basically just incapable of going full phony. He is, in other words, reacting the way you might to being asked the same question for the hundredth time in a week. Im curious to watch him suffer through his first Oscar campaign, where answering the same questions about his performance is basically the point for several months.
“People always used to say to me, He has reservations or Hes a difficult interviewee,’ ” Murphy said. “Not really! I love talking about work, about art. What I struggle with, and find unnecessary, and unhelpful about what I want to do, is: Tell me about yourself…
---
**Nonetheless: He grew** up in Cork. Went to Catholic school better suited for a certain kind of athletic boy than an artistic soul. “I always fucking hated team sports. I like watching them. But I was terrible at them,” he said. That classic system for schooling was not good for him, “emotionally and psychologically,” he said. “But at least it gave me something to push against.”
He played in a successful band with his brother, half-heartedly entered the local university as a law student. While in school in Cork, he stumbled into a performance of *A Clockwork Orange* and fell in with the stage scene there. He hadnt trained in any way, but he got the first role he ever auditioned for, in Enda Walshs *Disco Pigs,* which traveled around the UK, Europe, and Canada, and transformed his life. “It all happened to me in one month, in August 96: We got offered a record deal, I failed my law exams, I got the part in *Disco Pigs,* and I met my wife,” he said. “I now look back and go: Oh, shit, I didnt know then how important all these things were—the sort of domino effect that they would have on my life.” I asked Murphy, who has, in the past, said he identified as an atheist, if such a confluence ever made him wonder if there was indeed a higher power organizing all of this. “Ohhh,” he said. “I love the chaos and the randomness. I love the beauty of the unexpected.”
That winter weekend, while walking around Dublin, on a bit of a Joycean ramble, we passed a bookstore. “This was my favorite bookshop when I first moved up to Dublin. I didnt have any money and I was living with my mother-in-law. And I would come in here and get a coffee for 50p, but then they would, like, refill it, you know? So, Id sit in there all day and just read plays and then put them back on the shelves, and then go home and my mother-in-law would feed me dinner,” he said. “Just to educate myself. To catch up. Cause I didnt go to drama school, so Id read all the plays I shouldve read if I went to drama school. Id ask all these writers and directors to tell me all the plays that I *must* read.”
“Theater is the key to Cillian,” director Danny Boyle told me. “Weirdly, given that he is such an extraordinary film actor.” That ability, from the theater, to travel the great distance of an extreme character arc. “Everybody talks about his dreamy Paul Newman eyes. And all thats to his advantage, of course, because behind is this capacity, this reach that he has into volcanic energy.” (The other key to Cillian, Boyle said, is that hes a bloody Irishman: “Hes one of the great, great exports, and the homeland clearly nourishes him constantly.”) Boyle cast Murphy in 2002s *28 Days Later,* the first film of Murphys that made him known. It led, in its way, to the Nolan partnership, as well to working with Boyle again on 2007s *Sunshine.* “When we did *28 Days Later,* he was really just starting off,” Boyle said. “By the time he came back for *Sunshine,* he was a seriously accomplished actor.”
In the aughts, Murphy was working frequently, in some movies that were better than others. “Many of my films I havent seen,” he said. “I know that Johnny Depp would always say that, but its actually true. Generally the ones I havent seen are the ones I hear are not good.”
I asked him if hes seen *Oppenheimer*.
“Yes, Ive seen *Oppenheimer*…” he said, rolling his eyes.
When Nolan finished the film, Murphy, his wife, and his younger son flew to Los Angeles to watch it for the first time in Nolans private screening room. “Its pretty nice…” he said, trying to balance obvious enthusiasm with not giving too much away. “You know, he shows film prints there. The sound is extraordinary.” How many seats? “Uh, Id say maybe 50?” So, Murphy did see *this* film of his—in perhaps the most dialed-in home theater known to man.
In the summer of 2005, just a couple months after *Batman Begins* came out, Murphy was back in theaters with Wes Cravens *Red Eye.* It was villain season. And the two roles, in close quarters, seemed to coalesce around a feeling: That guy creeps me out. When casually canvasing people about what they think of when they think of Murphy, I was shocked by the imprint that *Red Eye* had on an American of a certain age.
“Oh, I know, its crazy!” Murphy said. “I think its the duality of it. Its why I wanted to play it. That *two* thing. The nice guy and the bad guy in one. The only reason it appealed to me is you could do that”—he snapped his fingers—“that turn, you know?”
“They say the nicest people sometimes make the best villains,” Rachel McAdams said, recalling her time with Murphy on the cramped airplane set of *Red Eye.* “Wed listen to music and gab away while doing the crossword puzzle, which he brought every day and would graciously let me chime in on.… I think the number one question I got about Cillian way back then was whether or not he wore contact lenses.”
“I love Rachel McAdams and we had fun making it,” Murphy said. “But I dont think its a good movie. Its a good *B* movie.”
During that same stretch, Murphy starred in Ken Loachs *The Wind That Shakes the Barley,* one of the best films hes made, and one that Murphy is uniquely proud of. A period epic that tells the story of a crew of Irish friends who find themselves fighting first the British in the Irish War of Independence and then one another in the Irish Civil War. The film is lush, harrowing, relentless, and transporting. Murphy has a face that sits cozily at home in any decade of the 20th century. He is at his most vital in the 20s, the 30s, the 40s—and its one of the factors that works so convincingly in *Oppenheimer.* Matt Damon, for better or worse, looks like Matt Damon. Emily Blunt, again for better or worse, looks like Emily Blunt. Whereas Cillian Murphy looks like some scientist from 1945.
Murphy and his filmmakers have run this play several ways in recent years. In *Anthropoid* (2016), as a Czechoslovak resistance fighter in Nazi-occupied Prague. In *Free Fire* (2016), as an IRA member caught up in an arms deal gone horribly wrong. In *Dunkirk* (2017), as a British shivering soldier suffering from PTSD. And, of course, in *Peaky Blinders* (20132022), as a World War I hero turned gangster in 1920s Birmingham. With that face, he can play every side of the die of the embroiled conflicts of pre- and postwar Europe. “Cillians always laughing about how hes perpetually playing people who are traumatized,” Blunt said. “There must be something about his face that sort of entices those kinds of offers.”
The first frame he appears in in *Anthropoid,* a moonbeam strikes his cheekbone, like its a plane of alabaster, and the question immediately pops to mind: Are you a Nazi or the resistance? Are you the good guy or the bad guy—or both, that “*two* thing.” The stable and the wild. The duality. The pull within.
---
**In Dublin,** we found ourselves walking through busy streets, beneath abundant winter sunshine and caustic seagulls. We were approached by fans at a shocking clip—but also by sisters of friends.
“Im not a stalker…” one said, politely.
“Oh, hi, Oona!”
I asked him if hed sensed that his life had palpably changed in any way since last summer, given that a billion dollars worth of people saw him in practically every frame of one of the biggest films of all time. “To me, it always seems to go in waves,” he said. “When *Peaky* was at its kind of apex, youd feel a different energy around, walking around, a little bit like I do now—but then it settles down again. It kind of comes in waves. And then you dont have something in the cinema for ages, and people forget about it. So. It seems to be like that, and you sort of ride that, and then things go back to normal.”
With all due respect to the *Peaky* hive, this film did seem to go especially wide.
“Yes,” he said, laughing. “But youd be surprised. *Peaky* is still the thing I get asked most about in the world.”
As if on cue, Murphy was approached by a fan on the street who asked for a photo.
“Oh, I dont do photos,” he said, to a disappointed lad, who nonetheless got 20 seconds of Murphys time to chat.
“Once I started doing that,” he said, “it changed my life. I just think its better to say hello, and have a little conversation. I tell that to a lot of people, you know, actor friends of mine, and theyre just like: *I feel so bad.* But you dont need a photo record of everywhere youve been in a day.”
“There is a culty effervescent kind of wonder about Cillian,” Blunt said. “I think for someone as interior as he is, this level of kinetic fame is, like, horrifying for him. If anyone is not built for fame, its Cillian.”
To make it up to that fan, I asked Murphy what the status is of a potential *Peaky Blinders* film: “There is no status, as of now. So I have no update. But Ive always said Im open to it if theres more story. I do *love* how the show ended. And I love the ambiguity of it. And Im really proud of what we did. But Im always open to a good script.”
We passed some young people in dark dresses and heels, absolutely worse for the wear. “Look at these guys, out from the night before,” Murphy said, smiling. I asked him if he had his days of partying in Dublin, in London. “I mean, I did, but it was with my friends. I was never part of any scene—or go to, like, acting clubs. I would never go to the premiere.… The idea of going to a premiere that isnt your own, seems to me like…”
We passed Trinity College, an occasion to discuss the breakout Irish series *Normal People* and its breakout Irish star Paul Mescal. “He is the real deal. He is like a *true movie star.* They dont come along that often. But,” Murphy said, serving the lightest and rarest touch of pride and swagger, “luckily, they seem mostly to come from Ireland.”
“Its a good time,” he added, “to be an Irish actor, it seems.”
We stopped in at the Kerlin Gallery to see the show of his sister-in-law, Ailbhe Ní Bhriain. She and Murphys wife were friends in graduate school in London, and Murphys brother met her while visiting Cillian there. *This* is his scene. He walked around admiring the pieces, which hed heard about at family functions, but not yet seen in person.
“Now this work immediately appeals to me,” he said, “because you can feel its pushing at big, big themes, and to me, thats what Ive always loved. I dont really go for pure entertainment. I love when it makes you feel a little bit fucked-up. Not in a horror-genre way, but in a psychological, existential way. Thats what I love in all the work that I enjoy and the work that I try to make.”
Murphy executive-produced the last three seasons of *Peaky Blinders,* but had been looking for a first film to produce. He secured the rights to Claire Keegans *Small Things Like These,* a Booker Prize finalist, and one night on the set of *Oppenheimer,* while he and Damon were just sitting there in the desert, Damon told Murphy about Damon and Ben Afflecks as-yet-unannounced new company, Artists Equity, whose novel financial model is premised on profit sharing with the crew. Murphy sent them the book and Artists Equity ultimately financed the film. “Normally, youre trying to put together all these different entities, and then you have all these points of view on the edit,” Murphy said. “This was just those guys.”
*Small Things Like These* centers on an average man about his age in a small town in County Wexford who, one Christmas, stumbles upon a horrifying secret in the local convent—the so-called Magdalene Laundries, which, from the 18th century to the 1990s, held thousands of girls and women prisoner in Church workhouses. I asked Murphy if, with his new power, it was important to him to tell Irish stories. Not especially, he said. The only criterion was: Whats the best story for right now. “Still,” he said, “its a good time to be looking at *that* story, because we have distance from what happened with the Church and everything. But yet I dont think weve still fully addressed it. So, if you can make something thats entertaining and moving, but also asks a few questions about who we are as a nation, and who we were as a nation, and how far weve come—then thats great. But, again, they should happen after youve gone and had a reasonably entertaining evening at the cinema.”
Murphy joked at one point that he spent the actors strike at home “eating cheese,” but what he really did was spend the strike editing *Small Things* and overseeing “all the lovely stuff that we actors never get a look in on.” (His production company, Big Things Films, wouldve been called Small Things Films, he said, except that Small Things suggests “a lack of ambition, perhaps.”) *Small Things* will premiere at the Berlin International Film Festival this week, and in the spring he will start filming his next movie, *Steve,* an adaptation of the novel *Shy* by his friend Max Porter, about 24 hours in the life of a head teacher at a last-chance reform school.
One film a year, control, restraint, a hand firmly on the wheel.
Murphy has a natural propensity to an analog lifestyle that works well with Nolan, who doesnt use email or have a smartphone. “I aspire to that life,” Murphy said. “I was just clearing stuff off my phone, but have to keep the apps for music and music discovery.”
“I still have all my CDs and DVDs and Blu-Rays,” he said. “I *cannot* get rid of them. I did get rid of my VHS, though. I just left them on the street because nobody wanted them. I went and brought them to a library and was like, *Look at this pretentious collection of art films!*—and they were like, No thanks, man…”
I asked him if he saw the viral TikTok of Nolan showing a zoomer how best to project *Oppenheimer.* He started laughing. “My son showed me that. A *clash of cultures.*
Working with Nolan can feel like a much-desired retrenchment from modern life. “When Im on a Chris set, it does feel a little bit like a private, intimate laboratory,” he said. “Even though he works at a tremendous pace, theres always room for curiosity and finding things out, and thats what making art should be about, you know? Theres no phones—but also no announcement: Everybody just *knows.* And theres no chairs. Because he doesnt sit down. Sometimes a film set can be like a picnic. Everyones got their chairs and their snacks and everyones texting and showing each other fucking, you know, emojis or whatever, *memes,* which *I do know—*” he said, referring obliquely to a meme of Cillian Murphy not knowing what a meme is. “But *why?*
Do you know what Nolan is doing next? I asked.
“Noooo. But, like, I didnt know that he was writing *Oppenheimer.* We dont stay in touch that way.”
Its like *Mission: Impossible.* Do the hard thing together, then sever communication. “Chris is the smartest person Ive ever met. Not just the director stuff, but everything else.”
Nolan had told me that hed wanted to give Murphy the role that he would be dogged by forever—that he would spend the rest of his career trying to crawl out from under. “And,” he said, “I think Ive done it.”
When I put it to Murphy, he took a beat: “Theres a big, big body of work that I think people that know *know.*” I think it was his modest way of saying: Ive got a few others too.
Murphy told me hed heard “one of the Sydneys”—Lumet or Pollack—once said that it takes 30 years to make an actor. He believed that. “Im 27 years,” he said. “So Im close.”
---
**After Nolan** hand-delivered the *Oppenheimer* script to Murphy and left him to read in that Dublin hotel room, he made his way to the Hugh Lane Gallery, and, more specifically, to the Francis Bacon studio there, a perfect preservation of the impossibly messy London studio where the Irish-born painter had lived and worked for much of his life. Murphy and Nolan share a love of Bacon—a towering figure of the 20th century, born in its first decade, dead in its last. Besides the reassembled studio, the museum has several paintings by Bacon—some finished, some unfinished. In all instances, though, the portraits of people—ghoulishly distorted figures—were rendered unsparingly. Never perfect representations. Never straight impressions. But rather an artists interpretation of another being, reconfigured into a stark image. You can see what might appeal to both a director of a biopic and his leading man.
That winter weekend, I made the same journey across the River Liffey that Nolan did, past a poster for *Oppenheimer* in a Tower Records window, past the Garden of Remembrance (for all who gave their lives for Irish freedom), and met Murphy at the museum. He had on a black puffer jacket, a black hoodie, a pair of black Ray-Bans that had that starburst that movie-star lenses do when subjected to a flash on a red carpet. He removed them inside and took a well-worn path back to the Bacons. “Most people dont know about this place,” he said. “Its kind of like a little secret. But I just come here when I have time to spare in town.”
We looked at Bacons Bacons everywhere. We talked about the Bacon biography that came out in 2021. “I love the work,” he said, “but just *the life.* That kind of unique relentlessness that he had as an artist.” I asked if he read actor biographies. “When I was starting out,” he said. “I always worry, though, reading them—because I cant remember what I did last week.... I often wonder about the self-mythologizing.”
We peered in on the studio itself, every cigarette butt and crate of Champagne archived and put in its place. “Chaos for me breeds images,” Bacon had said.
Do you have a room in your house that looks like this? I asked.
Murphy laughed. “No, I do have a man room, a man cave. But its incredibly tidy.”
In another room of the museum, we sat before a looped British TV special on Bacon from 1985, an hour-long interview with presenter Melvyn Bragg, where the great painter spits off charisma and wisdom in pithy responses to the biggest questions an artist can be asked, all while wearing a perfect black leather jacket. We sat there quietly together, until Murphy interjected: “Its kind of mesmerizing, isnt it?”
Before Id arrived in Dublin, Nolan had told me that Murphys career tends to make sense if you think of him more as an artist than an actor—as you would a painter or a musician. That his filmography isnt about a line going up or down, so much as filled with distinct periods of development. It helps explain the approach to the work. How patient and restrained. How clear the point of view. An act of accretion rather than explosiveness and volatility. So unshaken by the things that rock the boat for so many actors. Its the clarity. The authenticity. The answer to the question: When youre tested again and again, what is there? *Who* is there? Here is a man—a 47-year-old, who could play 27 with the right light and 67 with the right makeup—who is probably going to win the Oscar for best actor, but whose mind couldnt be farther from the chatter of his industry and the noise noise noise noise. At one point, I asked him if he feels like hes uniquely well-positioned to play roles of middle-age—if *Oppenheimer* feels like the first film of what could be the strongest stretch of his career. “I really dont know,” he said. “I really havent thought about it.”
Here, then, was another thing Murphy had seemingly figured out—consciously or not. Almost all religions, coaches, gurus, and enlightened friends tend to offer the same advice: Dont lose yourself in the past, dont fixate on the future, but rather focus six inches in front of your nose, and on the Now that you can control. “I really am kind of, like, pathologically unsentimental about things,” he said. “I just move forward very quickly.” The past wasnt a problem because he couldnt remember it—or wouldnt romanticize it. The future wasnt a concern because he didnt like to plan too far out. And so: the one film on the horizon; the one song on the radio or the one painting on the wall. He was, in this way, an authentic presentist. Or, less abstractly, just a good listener, a good see-er, a good scene partner, a good person to have dinner with.
There, in the museum, we sat and we sat, watching the Bacon interview as though there was nowhere else to be (because there really wasnt) and nothing else to think about (what more was there than how an artists life might be lived?).
Murphy broke the silence. “Did you ever hear this theory that Eno has? About the farmers and the cowboys? Theres two types of artists—theres the farmers and the cowboys. The farmers, like in his studio for example”—he said, gesturing to the screen—“hes mostly kind of doing the same thing, refining and refining and refining the same thing. And the cowboys, who go off, theyre like prospectors, that go off and do mad work. Eno puts himself in the second bracket, cause hes such an innovator, with the music and the production and all of that. Or somebody like Bowie, constantly, constantly reinventing. Neither one is better, its just a different way of making work.”
Which do you fall into? I asked.
“Definitely the cowboy, I think. But there are actors that just play similar parts, versions of themselves all the time. Again, I dont think either one is better.”
Do you think that sometimes an actor falls into the other category by accident when their public persona intersects with—or eclipses—the work? I asked.
“Perhaps. Yeah. Im sure thats the case. Yeah.”
He sat back and sunk into the film again. Giggling at some of the things that Bacon said and did. “Theres a few things he says that I always think apply to our work. The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery.’ ” Provocative movies. Provocative performances. No easy answers—but perhaps a few new questions.
Dont give it all away. Dont even give most of it away. Retrench. Be clear. With yourself, but not necessarily with others. Let the fame wave pass. Live by the sea.
He said it again: “Deepen the mystery. Thats it, isnt it?”
**Daniel Riley** *is GQs global content development director.*
*A version of this story originally appeared in the March 2024 issue of GQ with the title “How Cillian Murphy Cracked the Code”*
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^button-DarkMatterNSave
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# Dark Matter | Hazlitt
**In the early aughts**, Frank Warren ran a medical document delivery business in Germantown, Maryland. It was a monotonous job, involving daily trips to government offices to copy thousands of pages of journal articles for pharmaceutical companies, law firms, and non-profits. By his early forties, he had a house in a nice subdivision, a wife, a young daughter, and a dog. His family fostered children for a few weeks or months, and he felt a sense of purpose in helping kids who were suffering acute crises in their own homes. From the outside, things appeared to be going better than well. But inside, something was missing: A sense of adventure, or at least a little fun. An outlet to explore the weirder, darker, and more imaginative parts of his interior world. Hed never been one for small talk, preferring instead to launch into deep discussions, even with people he barely knew. He wondered if he could create a place like that outside of everyday conversation, a place full of awe, anguish, and urgency.
In the fall of 2004, Frank came up with an idea for a project. After he finished delivering documents for the day, hed drive through the darkened streets of Washington, D.C., with stacks of self-addressed postcards—three thousand in total. At metro stops, hed approach strangers. “Hi,” hed say. “Im Frank. And I collect secrets.” Some people shrugged him off, or told him they didnt have any secrets. Surely, Frank thought, those people had the best ones. Others were amused, or intrigued. They took cards and, following instructions hed left next to the address, decorated them, wrote down secrets theyd never told anyone before, and mailed them back to Frank. All the secrets were anonymous.
Initially, Frank received about one hundred postcards back. They told stories of infidelity, longing, abuse. Some were erotic. Some were funny. He displayed them at a local art exhibition and included an anonymous secret of his own. After the exhibition ended, though, the postcards kept coming. By 2024, Frank would have more than a million.
\*
After his exhibit closed, the postcards took over Franks life. Hundreds poured into his mailbox, week after week. He decided to create a website, PostSecret, where every Sunday he uploaded images of postcards hed received in the mail.
The website is a simple, ad-free blog with a black background, the 4x6 rectangular confessions emerging from the darkness like faces illuminated around a campfire. Frank is careful to keep himself out of the project—he thinks of the anonymous postcard writers as the projects authors—so theres no commentary. Yet curation is what makes PostSecret art. Theres a dream logic to the postcards sequence, like walking through a surrealist painting, from light to dark to absurd to profound.
*Im afraid that one day, well find out TOMS are made by a bunch of slave kids!*
*I am a man. After an injury my hormones got screwed up and my breasts started to grow. I cant tell anyone this but: I really like having tits.*
*Im in love with a murderer… but Ive never felt safer in anyone elses arms.*
*I cannot relax in my bathtub because I have an irrational fear that its going to fall through the floor.*
Even if you dont see him on the website, Frank is always present: selecting postcards, placing them in conversation with one another. Off-screen, hes a lanky, youthful 60-year-old emanating the healthy glow of those who live near the beach. Last August, we met at his house in Laguna Niguel, in a trim suburban neighbourhood a few miles from the ocean; when I asked about his week, he told me his Oura Ring said hed slept well the night before. He offered me a seat on his back patio, and the din of children playing sports rang out from a park below. His right arm was in a sling. Hed fractured his scapula after a wave slammed him to the sand while he was bodysurfing.
As we spoke, I gathered that his outlook on most everything is positive—disarmingly so. The first time he had a scapula fracture, after a bike accident a few years ago, “I had this sense of release, I would say, from my everyday concerns and burdens,” he said. Physically exhausting himself through endurance exercise is his relief from the postcards, which skew emotionally dark. “Ive had to become the kind of person that can do this every day,” he told me.
For years, Frank has been interested in postcards as a medium of narrative. Before PostSecret, he had a project he called “The Reluctant Oracle,” in which he placed postcards with messages like *Your question is a misunderstood answer* into empty bottles and deposited them in a lake near his house. (A *Washington Post* [article](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/2004/10/04/postcards-from-the-waters-edge/316c1548-a0c0-45b4-aaf1-ee023bd8a071/) from the time said “The form is cliche: a message in a bottle,” but called the messages themselves “creepy and alluring.”)
What he considers his earliest postcard project, though, dates from his childhood. When he was in fifth grade, just as he was about to board the bus to camp in the mountains near Los Angeles, his mother handed him three postcards. She told him to write down any interesting experiences he had and mail the cards back home.
Frank took the cards. “Its a Christian sleep-away camp, so of course a lot of crazy stuff happened, and of course I didnt write my mom about any of it,” he said. But just before camp ended, he remembered the postcards, jotted something down, and mailed them. When he saw them in the mailbox a few days later, he wondered, *Am I the same person that wrote this message days ago?* The self, he had observed as a grade schooler, was always in a state of flux.
Examining secrets was part of a lifelong inquiry into what it means to speak. Franks parents split up when he was twelve—a shocking and destabilizing event that would define his adolescence. Soon after, he moved with his mother and brother from Southern California to Springfield, Illinois. Messed up by his parents divorce and his cross-country move, Frank became anxious and depressed.
While he was in high school, Frank went to a Pentecostal church three or four times a week, searching for a sense of connection with others. At the end of every service, churchgoers would pray at the altar to receive the Holy Spirit. Then, they spoke in tongues. All around him, the Spirit took hold, and people flailed their arms, wept, and danced. Frank looked on with envy and shame. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many people tried to help him, he never spoke in tongues. It was a spiritual failure, this failure of language.
After college, while living in Virginia, he met a guy named Dave on the basketball court. They became close fast. Dave was funny and sensitive, and also athletic: he and Frank played hundreds of pickup games together. But Dave seemed to be struggling. He was living with his parents, couldnt land a job. He spent a lot of time on computers, and confided in Frank that he was being bullied online. “Youve got to get out of here,” Frank told him. That was one of the last things he ever said to Dave. Frank moved to Maryland, and not long after, he got a call from Daves father. Dave had killed himself. Frank was crushed. He felt like he should have seen more warning signs, and at the same time, felt helpless. He ruminated on how Dave might have interpreted their final conversation. *Out of his parents house*, hed meant. *Not out of this life.*
In the wake of his loss, Frank wanted “to do something useful with his grief,” so he decided to volunteer on a suicide prevention hotline. In training, his supervisors modelled how to inflect his voice to sound non-judgmental, how to ask open-ended questions and get below the surface of everyday conversation—lessons he would carry into his later life. He felt catharsis in listening to other peoples pain, and, in turn, sensed that they appreciated his presence. Simply by talking about their struggles, he found, they sometimes gained new understanding. Once every week or two, Frank listened for six hours, up until late in the quiet of his house, as people unravelled. He let them talk, and he let them stay silent. Listening to peoples confessions in the wee hours of the morning, Frank realized that people needed a way to talk about the messy topics often off limits in everyday conversation.
PostSecret contains echoes of his time volunteering on the suicide prevention hotline. Like the hotline, the project draws attention to the ways people conceal parts of themselves, and encourages disclosure. But the postcards go even further: Theyre public, available for anyone to see. They show us the types of stories people normally keep guarded, creating, in the aggregate, a living inventory of our taboos.
\*
What is a secret? Knowledge kept hidden from others, etymologically linked to the words *seduction* and *excrement*. To entice someone to look closer; to force them to look away.
Secrecy, writes psychologist Michael Slepian in his 2022 book, *The Secret Lives of Secrets*, is not an act, but an intention — “I intend,” he writes, “for people not to learn this thing.” “To intend to keep a secret,” he continues, “you need to have a mind capable of reasoning with other minds.” Thus, psychologists believe we start to develop a concept of secrets at around the age of three years old, when we also begin to understand that other people have minds—beliefs, desires, emotions—different from our own. At that point, researchers believe, we also develop the ability to experience self-conscious emotions like guilt, shame, and embarrassment. As our theory of the mind develops, we begin to worry that other people are unable or unwilling to understand us, which, in turn, motivates secrecy. Our teenage years are especially ripe for secret-keeping. As we develop stronger senses of self, we distance ourselves from our parents in a bid to assert control over our lives. Keeping secrets from our parents “allows an escape from \[their\] criticism, punishment, and anger,” Slepian writes, “but it also precludes the possibility of receiving help when its most needed.”
Cultural taboos create secrecy. Systems and structures uphold it. The nature, and content, of secret-keeping varies across cultures, but we have always hidden things from one another. The Greek gods had secret affairs; for centuries, women in central China wrote to each other in a secret language to evade the ire of oppressive husbands. Today, people keep secrets for safety: They conceal medical conditions to receive better insurance coverage, and hide their legal status so they dont get deported. Even scripture has something to say about secrets, which is, mostly: dont keep them. Proverbs 28:13 reads, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses them and renounces them finds mercy.” God, in other words, wants full disclosure.
We keep secrets because we are ashamed or afraid; we tell them because we want an escape. We want to feel accepted, seen. Naturally, we share some secrets with our friends and partners, but sometimes those relationships are the source of a secret, so instead we seek out neutral interlocutors. A bartender in Las Vegas told me the same client came, week after week, to talk specifically with him about her anxiety and troubled dating life. A hairdresser in Salt Lake City told me that Mormons grappling with their faltering faith came to her, an ex-Mormon, to work through family conflict. A therapist I met in Arkansas observed that many of her clients were leaving Christianity and using therapy as their new religion, which she found “a little spooky.”
When I asked what she meant, she told me that people, ex-Christian or otherwise, often look to therapy to find a source of meaning and release in their life—to fill a spiritual and emotional vacuum. Evangelicalism, she said, values “inappropriate vulnerability,” where people share testimonies and break boundaries in public venues. Shes wary when she hears those same stories within the context of therapy—when clients come in and feel obligated to spill everything up front, then ask for cures to their emotional ailments.
Later, thinking about secrets, I remembered this conversation and the phrase “inappropriate vulnerability.” How much vulnerability with strangers is appropriate? How much is too much? 
\*
For a while, PostSecret was my secret. The website existed in the internet nest I made for myself during adolescence, along with sites like fmylife.com, where users each posted a few lines about the tediums and mishaps of their days, often involving anxiety, depression, alcohol, and sex. They were websites that revealed glimpses of how other people lived, where I could gather anecdotes about adult life and begin to construct an idea of how my own world might look one day.
I grew up in Temecula, a California suburb not too far from where Frank currently lives. My friends and I wandered around the mall to try on skinny jeans, and sprinted around after dark to toilet-paper our classmates yards. Suburban life often felt stifling, so I had a habit of inventing stories to make my world seem more interesting. I recounted to friends, with narrative flourish, an encounter Id had with a freshwater shark in an alpine lake. I created a mysterious, dark-haired boyfriend who Id met at a soccer tournament. Id never actually had a boyfriend.
Temecula had a distinctly conservative atmosphere, and it was impossible to escape the shame that accompanied any stray thought about boys, or my changing body. Ours was a town where, in 2008, neighbours supported a California ban on gay marriage. Residents protested the citys first mosque with signs reading “no to sharia law” in 2010. Arsonists set fire to a local abortion clinic in 2017, and, just in the past two years, the school board would ban critical race theory and reject an elementary school curriculum that referenced Harvey Milk. My family went to a Methodist church, but I sometimes went to Mormon dances with friends; at one such dance in middle school, my dress was too short, so a chaperone made me staple cloth to the hem to cover my knees. During slow dances, we held on to boys shoulders from an arms length away.
Most everyone I knew in Temecula went to church on Sundays. But I found church boring. Id excuse myself to go to the bathroom and linger there during sermons, counting the flowers on the wallpaper. I didnt understand how God, who I didnt see or hear, could exist.
But even if I didnt believe God was real, my family did, and religious ideas subtly permeated our home life, shaping what we did and did not talk about. We talked about doing well in school and sports; we didnt talk about our feelings, or puberty, or dating. My body was a secret, softening and bleeding, fascinating and repulsive.
I didnt really speak to anyone about these changes, though I do remember one car ride to school with a friend. Her mom was driving, and my friend slipped me pieces of paper in the backseat. In her scrunched-up handwriting, she asked: *Do you wear bras? Do you have hair down there?* When I was a freshman, my period bled through my capris, and upperclassmen stared as I waddled across campus to the cross-country teachers classroom for gym shorts, sweat slicking down my back. Id only ever used thin pads, and I was too anxious to ask about buying tampons. I didnt want to talk about it, and no one ever asked.
I can barely remember sex ed programming in school; for years, I thought just sleeping next to a boy could get me pregnant. When, in high school, I started the drug Accutane to tame my unruly face, my dermatologist listed off options for pregnancy prevention to avoid harm to an unborn fetus. A family member who was in the room interjected: “Shell choose abstinence.” It was only after I left and my world opened up that I understood where I came from. That my hometown, and even my own family, bred secrecy.
If I wanted answers to questions—Should I be shaving? Why do I sometimes feel sad?—I had to find them elsewhere. So I swivelled for hours on an office chair in front of a wheezing PC. It was here I learned of Franks work.
I remember the glow of the monitor in the dark upstairs hallway, the feeling of the mouse under my hand as I scrolled through secrets. I remember the padding of feet on stairs, the quick click of the X. Browser window vanished.
\*
Over the years, Frank has developed a process for selecting secrets. He sorts the most promising ones into a few boxes. A good secret involves a particular alchemy of art and content. He likes secrets hes never heard before—there are fewer and fewer these days, but every once in a while something new will pop up—and secrets he has seen but which are presented in a surprising way. At this point, twenty years after the project began, he mostly relies on intuition to select those he posts to the website. Hes kept every postcard over the years, even during a cross-country move. (The secrets hes posted in the past decade are stored in his upstairs closet and garage; the rest are mostly on loan to the Museum of Us, in San Diego.) Every postcard, that is, except one. He blames a relative for losing it.
On the website, the scrolling experience is simple enough—scroll, rectangle, scroll, next rectangle—but within the rectangles, something else is happening: a cacophony of colour, scrawl, scribble, cross-outs, stickers, stamps, maps, photographs, sketches. Once, I saw locks of hair taped to a postcard; the writer said they collected the hair of children they babysat. The spectre of tactility, if not tactility itself, reminds the viewer that there are thousands of people behind these postcards, and thousands of hours over the course of twenty years were spent creating them.
Is this sociology? Psychology? Voyeurism? The postcards are shaped like little windows, glimpses into someones life, devoid of context. Frank likes to think of them, in the collective, as a cross-section of human nature, and each week he tries to select a range of moods, including a smattering of lighthearted secrets to round out his postcard representation of the psyche, even though most of what he receives is dark. I wondered if reading all these secrets gave him some sort of unique lens into who we are, but hes not sure. Everyone has different parts of themselves or their lives that theyre afraid to acknowledge. Today, most secrets he receives are about relationships—either feeling dissatisfied with a partner or revolving around loneliness.
“My hope is when people read the secrets each week they have no idea what I think about religion, politics, or feminism. I want to be across the board, so anyone can see themselves in a secret,” he said. “If its strong and offensive, guess what, people keep offensive, racist secrets in their heart. Thats part of the project—exposing that.” He doesnt intentionally seek out racist or sexist secrets, and doesnt post anything thats “hardcore racist,” but he thinks theres value in representing the less-than-savoury aspects of human nature, because thats a true representation of who we are as a whole.
That said, there are some kinds of secrets he generally doesnt post. He often doesnt upload postcards written from the throes of suicidal ideation. He doesnt want the website to become a toxic cesspool of hopelessness. He also doesnt generally post the photos included with secrets when doing so might share with someone intimate knowledge that they didnt know themselves. One postcard, for example, included a family photograph alongside a secret reading, *My brother doesnt realize his father isnt the same as our father*. All the faces were visible. What if the brother saw it and recognized himself? “I dont feel like I have ownership of that secret,” Frank said. Instead, he posted the text.
Theres no way to fact-check the secrets; Frank takes those sharing them at their word. In 2013, he posted a secret depicting an image from Google Maps and a red arrow. It read: *I said she dumped me, but really, I dumped her (body)*. After an internet uproar, Reddit users found that the location was in Chicago, someone called the police, and the police found nothing, eventually determining the secret was a hoax. Legally, Frank told me, the postcards are considered hearsay.
\*
The secrets come without context, so Frank put me in touch with a handful of their authors so I could  understand what inspired them to send him their postcards. (Occasionally, the authors email him and reveal their identities.) One of them, Casey, was possessed by secrets for all of her childhood. (Casey is a pseudonym; some people in this piece asked that their names be changed to maintain their privacy.) Her father discouraged his kids from making friends and conditioned in them a suspicion of other people. Because he didnt work, and because her mother, who she suspected had undiagnosed schizophrenia, was shuttered inside all day, Casey was forced to support the family financially. At age fourteen, she was collecting soda bottles for money. The roof was falling in. She was afraid to tell her family she was gay.
When she left home for college in the early 2000s, she was finally able to make friends of her own accord. All of them knew about PostSecret—it was, at the time, in its heyday—and theyd scroll through the entries every Sunday to compare favourites. 
Casey liked the honesty of PostSecret, how it gave voice to the unspoken. Her father still had a psychic hold over her life, but she started opening up about her family to her new friends. One of them, Ramón, was gay, too, and not out to his family. They soon became close. He was an aspiring actor, extroverted and funny. It seemed like he knew everyone, and in turn, everyone said he was their best friend. Casey and Ramón were the only people in their friend group who didnt drink. Theyd both grown up with unstable families and were afraid that alcohol would make them lose control.
But when, in junior year, she started experimenting with drinking, he cut off their friendship, accusing her of betraying her values. She was baffled and frustrated; she thought his response was extreme. To do something with her frustration, she submitted a secret decorated with a photo of him in a Halloween costume reading: *A real friend would have stayed around and helped me*. She heard hed seen the postcard and was furious, but they never really talked about it, and today, decades later, theyre no longer close. Casey doesnt keep secrets anymore. She doesnt tolerate them.
Some secret-keepers described their postcard as liberating. One woman, V., sent in a secret acknowledging that her infertility was a relief because she wouldnt have to go off her bipolar medications while pregnant. She wanted to become a mother, but she felt that, even if fertile, her body wasnt capable of carrying a baby, and she didnt know how to tell her husband. When she wrote her secret, she stared at it on her table, and when it was posted, she stared at it on her screen. She was struck by the fact she could reveal her secret to the public but not to her partner, and decided to tell him how she felt. Last September, they adopted a son.
Others didnt seem to think much about their secrets after the fact, I learned when I talked to Carl, aged sixty-seven, a former federal law enforcement agent who lives in Washington State. His postcard depicted a hand of eight playing cards. With a Sharpie, hed written in all caps: *GAMBLING DESTROYED MY 4TH AND LAST MARRIAGE.* 
As we talked, he was to the point, answering questions in a sentence or two and never elaborating. I could picture him: a gruff, single, middle-aged man who left the house every once in a while to get a cup of coffee with a buddy. He must be lonely, though hed never admit it, and gambling must have distracted him from his loneliness. “I dont have any secrets,” he said. “And if I did, I wouldnt be telling you.”
In 2007, he found a postcard among the “boxes and boxes of crap” in his dead mothers house. At the time, the divorce from his fourth wife was fresh and he was feeling bitter, so he grabbed a Sharpie, scrawled his message, and put it in the mailbox. “That was that. I was blowing off steam,” he said. “It wasnt some contemplative therapeutic thing.” Then, he told me something that upended my assumptions about him. “It wasnt my gambling,” he said. “It was her gambling.”
Some postcards are impulsive, I realized. And because the postcard hadnt specified whose gambling was the issue, Id filled in the gap. Fascinated by my own mental jump, I asked more questions. How long had they been married? How did he learn about the gambling? Four marriages? What about the other three? To that last question, Carl said, “I dont think that applies.”
I wanted to tell him: *Of course it applies!* I felt like his whole life was bound up in that postcard. Something led to the breakup with his first wife, and his second, and his third, which then led him to his fourth, and to their breakup, and to this piece of mail that ended up on Franks website. I wanted his autobiography. I wanted to know everything.
\*
Frank told me, “Most of our lives are secret. I think that in the same way that dark matter makes up ninety percent of the universe—this matter that we cannot see or touch or have any evidence of except for its effect on gravity—our lives are like that too. The majority of what we are and who we are is kept private inside. It might express itself in our behaviours, and our fears, and even in human conflict and celebration, but always in this sublimated way.”
Carl was less philosophical. “This thing happened, I forgot about it, and now Im talking to you.”
\*
In the years after he created the website, Frank wrote several books and held live events, which were often sold-out with more than a thousand people in the audience. The events were usually scripted: Frank shared secrets hed received and secrets of his own. He was no longer the invisible curator. He was, instead, the very reason people gathered. Today he doesnt do many events, and he says hes finished writing books. But at the height of PostSecret a decade ago, the events were central to his work—and underscore how much he values the catharsis that follows disclosure.
In 2013, Frank travelled to Australia for a PostSecret tour. At an event in Melbourne, he seemed comfortable assuming his central role; midway through the evening, he shared his own story. He played a voicemail from his mother, whod seen a copy of Franks first book. “Im not too happy with it, so forget about mailing me one,” she said. This, Frank told the audience, was not a surprise. “My mom has been like that as long as Ive known her.” His brother and father were estranged from her, but he and his mother still had a functional relationship. “Even so, my earliest memories being around my mom are memories of having to have my defences up. I couldnt let my guard down. My earliest memories keeping secrets were from my mom,” he said.
He told the audience about his experience with the Pentecostal church. At the end of every service, he explained, members would share their testimonies, and the congregation would cheer and shout, “Amen!”
Evoking that part of the service, Frank said he wanted to share his own testimony with the audience: If he could go back in time and erase all the moments in his life that had caused him pain and humiliation and suffering, he wouldnt. Each one of those moments, he said, had brought him to this moment and to the person he is today. He likes who he is today. Suffering in silence led him to make PostSecret; the darkest parts of his past were inseparable from the parts of himself he liked now, and they made him a better father. If you can get through your own struggles, he told the audience, “youll have this beautiful story of healing, a story that you can share with others, others who are in that struggle.” Adopting a faint Southern accent, he asked, “Can I get a witness? Can I get an amen, brother?” Someone shouted amen. “Thank you, sister.” The theatre erupted into applause.
Then, Frank invited people to line up in the aisles and share their secrets. When one woman stepped up to the microphone, she said, “About a year ago, my ex-boyfriend raped me.” Her voice broke, and through tears, she continued, “And then told me he was getting engaged the next day. I think its about time I ask for help.” The audience applauded, and Frank commented that often the first step to making change in ones life is sharing a secret. The woman left the microphone. The next person stepped up to share.
There was something both beautiful and garish about this spectacle. I remembered my conversation with the Arkansas therapist and the idea of inappropriate vulnerability. Watching the woman speak, I felt a mix of queasiness and regret and rubbernecking and curiosity. It was the feeling I have when I reveal too much about myself too quickly, without the slow buildup of trust and intimacy. Then the microphone went to another person, as if this were a conveyor belt of secrets, and there was no time to grapple with the weight of what had just been said. 
In a 2016 LitHub essay, the writer Erik Anderson accused Frank of profiting, however indirectly, from other peoples traumas with his books and speaker fees. Frank often refers to secrets as the currency of intimacy—we exchange our secrets and become deeper friends or partners—but to Anderson, theyre also Franks professional currency, the reason he has a career at all. What happens to the secrets of PostSecret, he asks? Does having a secret posted actually do anything beneficial for the sharer? “Warrens feel good message about the healing benefits of disclosure, about self-actualization through confession, may elide a painful truth about secrets,” he writes. “Once shared, especially anonymously, they become secrets again, hidden by and in the very excesses of the internet that made them possible.”
Frank told me hes aware of the delicate role he plays as the keeper of peoples secrets. People trust him to treat their stories with care, so hes never tried to monetize the website. Its true, he says, that most of his income from the past decade has come from book advances and speaker fees. But, he told me, “I dont get too much negative feedback from anyone in the community.” And as for what happens to the secrets, he says he hopes that by sharing them, people might be motivated to take action. Or perhaps, like on the suicide hotline, they can begin to see their secrets differently. We often assign secrets a physical weight; maybe by making them public, we can make them lighter, or smaller. But none of that is guaranteed. 
For an hour, the theatre in Melbourne was transformed into a church of secrets. In the church of secrets, pain is pedagogy. Pain must teach us something, must have meaning, or else how could we live through it? We turn pain into a story, and make that story public in the hopes that we might get something in return. Empathy. Action. Friendship. Money. If I could go back, I would never choose pain. 
\*
*I have a secret*—this is the language we use. We possess secrets, hold them close, though sometimes, perhaps, its better said that secrets possess us. And by secrets I mean the things we feel we cannot say, and so no one says them. What I mean by secret is taboo. What I mean by secret is fear.
Around a year ago, when I was in California for the holidays, a high school friend who Ill call Sam invited me to meet in a park. Another friend, Alex, was in town too. I hadnt seen either of them in years. We sat underneath a cypress tree and threw a rubber Frisbee to the Australian shepherd Sam was dog-sitting. The air smelled of salt. The grass itched our legs. Sam told us shed been going to sex therapy with her husband, who she married when she was twenty-three. She was now twenty-seven. She and her husband were both deconstructing from the church, a painful personal reckoning with a culture that preached sexual purity. Shed always felt guilty about sex, and she didnt know about pleasure. 
“I didnt start going to the gynecologist until after college,” I offered in commiseration. “Until tenth grade I thought having sex was just sleeping next to each other.”
“I always felt so observed,” said Alex, the first of us to have a boyfriend in high school.
“You were observed,” I said. We laughed, and I sat back and marvelled. The three of us had slept together on blow-up mattresses and swum at the beach and splashed in backyard pools but had never really talked—at least, not about the things we considered secrets. We were women now. All these years later, wed finally found the words.
I wondered if Frank had ever been able to talk openly with his family. PostSecret was, after all, partly inspired by the difficulties of his upbringing. Frank told me his father was initially skeptical of the project, finding it voyeuristic, and maybe unnecessary. But eventually he began to appreciate the project and even told Frank something hed been holding in for a while. 
But Franks mother never came around. When we were sitting on his patio in Laguna Niguel, I asked about her a few times, and he told me a story. When he was a teenager, after hed moved to Illinois, Frank got into a fight with her. He cant remember what happened, only that hed probably done something to anger her. He ran to his room and locked the door. His mom pounded on the door with a mop, broke through one of the panels, and reached her hand through to unlock the door. Frank ran into his bathroom and opened the window. It was snowing and dark outside, around 9 p.m. He climbed through the window and ran a block down the street to his friends house. He and his friend started talking as though this were a normal hangout, but eventually, his friend looked down at his feet. “Where are your shoes?” Frank was wearing only socks.
I asked another question. Gently, without drawing attention to what he was doing, Frank changed the subject. It was the first time Id seen him withhold information. He didnt want to talk about his mother anymore, and I didnt need to know.
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Date: 2024-02-01
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Link: https://www.propublica.org/article/mexico-amlo-lopez-obrador-campaign-drug-cartels
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# Did Drug Traffickers Funnel Millions of Dollars to Mexican President López Obradors First Campaign?
Years before Andrés Manuel López Obrador was elected as Mexicos leader in 2018, U.S. drug-enforcement agents uncovered what they believed was substantial evidence that major cocaine traffickers had funneled some $2 million to his first presidential campaign.
According to more than a dozen interviews with U.S. and Mexican officials and government documents reviewed by ProPublica, the money was provided to campaign aides in 2006 in return for a promise that a López Obrador administration would facilitate the traffickers criminal operations.
The investigation did not establish whether López Obrador sanctioned or even knew of the traffickers reported donations. But officials said the inquiry — which was built on the extensive cooperation of a former campaign operative and a key drug informant — did produce evidence that one of López Obradors closest aides had agreed to the proposed arrangement.
The allegation that representatives of Mexicos future president negotiated with notorious criminals has continued to reverberate among U.S. law-enforcement and foreign policy officials, who have long been skeptical of López Obradors commitment to take on drug traffickers.
The case raised difficult questions about how far the United States should go to confront the official corruption that has been essential to the emergence of Mexican drug traffickers as a global criminal force. While some officials argue that it is not the United States job to root out endemic corruption in Mexico, others say that efforts to fight organized crime and build the rule of law will be futile unless officials who protect the traffickers are held to account.
“The corruption is so much a part of the fabric of drug trafficking in Mexico that theres no way you can pursue the drug traffickers without going after the politicians and the military and police officials who support them,” Raymond Donovan, who recently retired as the Drug Enforcement Administrations operations chief, said in an interview.
In their investigation, DEA agents developed what they considered an extraordinary inside source after they arrested the former campaign operative on drug charges in 2010. To avoid federal prison, the operative gave a detailed account of the traffickers cash donations, which he said he helped deliver. He also surreptitiously recorded conversations with Nicolás Mollinedo Bastar, the close López Obrador aide who the operative said had participated in the scheme.
Along with the sworn statements of other witnesses, the taped conversations indicated that Mollinedo was aware of and involved in the donations by one of the countrys biggest drug mafias, current and former officials familiar with the case said.
But some officials felt the evidence was not strong enough to justify the risks of an extensive undercover operation inside Mexico. In late 2011, DEA agents proposed a sting in which they would offer $5 million in supposed drug money to operatives working on López Obradors second presidential campaign. Instead, Justice Department officials closed the investigation, in part over concerns that even a successful prosecution would be viewed by Mexicans as egregious American meddling in their politics.
“Nobody was trying to influence the election,” one official familiar with the investigation said. “But there was always a fear that López Obrador might back away on the drug fight — that if this guy becomes president, he could shut us down.”
Since taking office in December 2018, López Obrador has led a striking retreat in the drug fight. His approach, which he summarized in the campaign slogan “Hugs, not bullets,” has concentrated on social programs to attack the sources of criminality, rather than confrontation with the criminals.
Yet with police and military forces generally avoiding confrontation with the biggest drug gangs, those mafias have extended their influence across Mexico. By some estimates, criminal gangs dominate more than a quarter of the national territory — operating openly, imposing their will on local governments and often forcing the state and federal authorities to keep their distance. The violence has hovered near historic levels, while the gangs extortion rackets and other criminal enterprises have metastasized into every layer of the economy.
The Mexican presidents chief spokesperson, Jesús Ramírez Cuevas, did not respond to numerous requests for comment.
The drug trades toll on Americans has never been more devastating. Fentanyl — most of which is produced in or smuggled through Mexico — is fueling the most lethal illegal-drug problem in American history. The [estimated 109,000 overdose deaths](https://blogs.cdc.gov/nchs/2023/05/18/7365/) recorded in 2022, most of them fentanyl-related, surpassed the fatalities from gun violence and automobile accidents combined.
The administration of President Joe Biden has been steadfast in its refusal to criticize López Obradors security policies, avoiding confrontation even when the Mexican president has publicly attacked U.S. law-enforcement agencies as mendacious and corrupt. The fentanyl explosion, while a growing political concern in Washington, remains less critical to Bidens reelection prospects than blocking immigrants at the southern border — a challenge in which López Obradors cooperation is essential.
After asserting repeatedly that Mexico had nothing to do with fentanyl, López Obrador has recently taken a few modest steps to renew anti-drug cooperation. His government, though, continues to ignore U.S. requests for the capture and extradition of major traffickers, while Washington officials portray the relationship in rosy terms. At the end of a [meeting with López Obrador](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/11/17/readout-of-president-joe-bidens-meeting-with-president-andres-manuel-lopez-obrador-of-mexico/) in November, Biden turned to him and said, “I couldnt have a better partner than you.”
A Justice Department spokesperson declined to comment on details of the DEA investigation into López Obradors political campaigns, citing a long-standing policy. But she added that the department “fully respects Mexicos sovereignty, and we are committed to working shoulder to shoulder with our Mexican partners to combat the drug cartels responsible for so much death and destruction in both our countries.”
---
For decades, U.S. law-enforcement officials have shied away from investigating Mexican officials suspected of protecting the drug mafias, saying that pursuing such cases is fraught in a country that is uniquely sensitive to American interference. U.S. agencies have been even more hesitant to dig into the gangs involvement in electoral politics, even as they have become a primary source of funding for Mexican campaigns and have murdered scores of municipal, state and national candidates.
In the case of López Obrador, the DEA was slow to act on information about his 2006 campaigns possible collusion with traffickers, several officials said. When the agency finally began to investigate in 2010, it was largely at the initiative of a small group of Mexico-based agents working with federal prosecutors in New York.
The Americans initial source was Roberto López Nájera, a tightly wound 28-year-old lawyer who turned up at the United States Embassy in 2008 and asked to speak to someone from the DEA. The two agents who came down from their fourth-floor offices heard a compelling story: For the previous few years, López Nájera told them, he had been a sort of in-house counsel to one of Mexicos more notorious traffickers, Edgar Valdéz Villarreal.
The Texas-born gangster had been nicknamed “Ken” and then “Barbie” when he was a square-jawed high school linebacker with dirty-blond hair. By the mid-2000s, he had become one of the Mexican underworlds more brutal enforcers. He was also a major trafficker, working with a larger mafia run by the Beltrán Leyva brothers, who in turn were part of the alliance known as the Sinaloa Cartel. On the Mexican side of the border, he was known as “La Barbie.”
![](https://img.assets-d.propublica.org/v5/images/20240130-La-Barbie_maxWidth_3000_maxHeight_3000_ppi_72_quality_95_embedColorProfile_true.jpg?crop=focalpoint&fit=crop&fm=webp&fp-x=0.5&fp-y=0.5&h=553&q=75&w=800&s=9e230ae885328d839d970888b93fa925)
Witnesses told the Drug Enforcement Administration that the trafficker known as “La Barbie,” shown here after his arrest by Mexican authorities in August 2010, contributed some $2 million to the first presidential campaign of Andrés Manuel López Obrador. Credit: Alfredo Estrella/AFP/Getty Images
According to López Nájera, La Barbie insisted that he start at the bottom, washing the traffickers cars and doing other menial chores before he was entrusted with more important tasks. He eventually managed some political contacts, paying bribes to police commanders and politicians, and oversaw cocaine shipments through the Cancún airport. After several years, however, López Nájera began to have differences with his boss, who thought him something of a slacker, officials said. In 2007, he returned from a long vacation in Cuba to find that his brother had disappeared, an apparent victim of La Barbies wrath. Going underground, López Nájera began plotting his revenge.
López Nájera quickly established his bona fides with the Americans, telling them the Beltrán Leyva gang had planted a mole inside the embassy. The man turned out to be an employee of the U.S. Marshals Service who had wide access to intelligence about the Mexican criminals being sought by the United States. Lured to the Washington, D.C., area on the pretense of a training junket, he was arrested and charged with federal drug crimes before agreeing to cooperate, officials said.
The DEA moved López Nájera to the United States and debriefed him extensively. In keeping with the new law-enforcement partnership known as the Mérida accord, U.S. officials then invited their Mexican counterparts to interview their prized source.
The Mexican court filings that resulted would identify López Nájera only by the code name “Jennifer.” His revelations would become the primary engine of “Operation Clean-up,” a headline-grabbing effort by the government of President Felipe Calderón to purge corrupt officials from federal law-enforcement agencies and the military.
The DEA was somewhat slower to take full advantage of its informer. It was only in the spring of 2010, more than two years after López Nájera had begun cooperating with the agency, that it began to focus on one of his more striking disclosures. In an interview in San Diego that DEA agents set up for a senior Mexican prosecutor, López Nájera described how La Barbie had summoned him to a January 2006 meeting at a hotel in the Pacific Coast resort of Nuevo Vallarta.
The man who had arranged the gathering was Francisco León García, the 38-year-old son of a mining entrepreneur from the northern state of Durango. Known as “Pancho” León, he was launching his candidacy for the Mexican Senate as a representative of López Obradors leftist alliance. He was friendly with one of La Barbies lieutenants, Sergio Villarreal Barragán, a towering former state police officer known as “El Grande,” and the two men thought they might be able to help each other, the agents were told.
Another businessman joined León at the meeting. The two said they were there with López Obradors knowledge and support, López Nájera recounted. In return for an injection of cash, León said, the campaign promised that a future López Obrador government would select law-enforcement officials helpful to the traffickers.
According to accounts of the negotiation that U.S. investigators eventually pieced together from several informants, the traffickers were told they could help to choose police commanders in some key cities along the border. More importantly, U.S. officials said, the traffickers were also told that López Obrador would not name an attorney general whom they viewed as hostile to their interests — seemingly granting them a veto over the appointment.
La Barbie agreed to the bargain and assigned López Nájera to meet with campaign officials in Mexico City and arrange the payoffs. (López Nájera did not respond to numerous attempts to contact him.) Soon after, officials said, he was introduced to Mauricio Soto Caballero, a businessman and political operative who was heading up an advance team under the campaigns logistics chief, Nicolás Mollinedo.
![](https://img.assets-d.propublica.org/v5/images/20240124-AMLO-Mollinedo_maxWidth_3000_maxHeight_3000_ppi_72_quality_95_embedColorProfile_true.jpg?crop=focalpoint&fit=crop&fm=webp&fp-x=0.5&fp-y=0.5&h=535&q=75&w=800&s=4ef4e17d3c0923518f4c2afa75746807)
López Obrador, left, and Nicolás Mollinedo Bastar in 2006 Credit: Marco Ugarte/AP
In three deliveries over the next several months, the DEA was told, La Barbies organization gave Soto and others in the campaign about $2 million in cash. As the trafficker became more invested, López Nájera said, he provided support in other ways, too: Over the final weeks of the race, López Obrador traveled twice to the state of Durango for big, boisterous rallies organized by Pancho León, to which the gang donated heavily. One was so lavish — with a big-name band and thousands of partisans bused in from outlying towns and villages — that rival politicians demanded an investigation into Leóns campaign funding.
The 2006 presidential race was a dead heat. When Mexicos electoral tribunal declared Calderón the victor by half a percentage point, La Barbie was furious, López Nájera said. The drug boss came up with an impromptu plan to kidnap the president of the tribunal and force him to reverse the decision. A convoy of gunmen was dispatched to storm the court, turning back only when they discovered army troops guarding the area.
Having insisted he was the rightful winner, López Obrador rallied thousands of his supporters to Mexico City for a monthslong sit-in that covered a swath of the capitals colonial center. According to López Nájera, La Barbie donated funds to help feed the protesters.
---
The DEA agents who heard López Nájeras account understood that it would not be easy to build a criminal case, several officials said. Even if they could verify the allegations, high-level corruption cases were almost always hard to prove. Mexican officials used middlemen to insulate themselves from the traffickers who paid them. Politicians and criminals often protected one another; corroborating witnesses were usually reluctant to testify.
Most drug-related crimes also had a five-year statute of limitations. By the time the investigation got underway in earnest, some of the key events that López Nájera described had happened four years earlier.
The Mexican prosecutor who sat in on the López Nájera interview forwarded the allegations to more senior officials in Mexico City. But the Calderón government thought such a case would be too politically charged ahead of the 2012 election, former officials said.
DEA agents had better luck with the Southern District of New York, the powerful federal prosecutors office based in Manhattan. The head of the offices international narcotics unit, Jocelyn Strauber, told them she thought the case was very much worth pursuing, current and former officials said. Strauber, who now leads the New York City Department of Investigations, declined to comment.
While the Southern District had rarely done Mexican drug-corruption cases, Calderóns determination to work more closely with the United States gave the investigators some hope. U.S. agents had greater freedom to operate in Mexico than ever before; joint operations against traffickers had become commonplace. U.S. law-enforcement and intelligence agencies had helped the Mexican authorities arrest or kill leading figures of some big drug mafias, including the Beltrán Leyva organization. In May 2010, Mexico finally extradited Mario Villanueva, a former governor of Quintana Roo state, who eventually pleaded guilty in New York to funneling more than $19 million in traffickers bribes through U.S. accounts.
The investigators also recognized that López Nájera presented an unusual opportunity. Although he had been out of Mexico for more than two years, they thought he might be able to connect them to Soto, the former López Obrador campaign operative to whom he had delivered donations in 2006.
Soto was a gregarious, hustling business consultant with political ambitions of his own. He had worked in and out of government, finding angles and fixing problems with the bureaucracy. López Nájera said they had become friendly and that Soto had helped him with tasks unrelated to the campaign — acting as a front man for his purchase of an apartment in Mexico Citys tony Polanco neighborhood and helping him lease an office and renting a second apartment that La Barbie sometimes used on visits to the capital.
According to López Nájera, Soto had also introduced him to members of the 2006 campaign security team, connections that later proved useful when some of the men moved on to government security jobs. At one point, López Nájera recalled, Soto told him he might be interested in making money in the drug trade if the right opportunity arose.
With López Obrador preparing his second run for the presidency, Soto remained close to Mollinedo, who was still among the candidates most-trusted aides, officials said.
“Nico,” as Mollinedo was known, was something of a Mexican celebrity. Wherever López Obrador had gone during his five years as Mexico Citys mayor, Mollinedo had been beside him, at the wheel of the white Nissan sedan that López Obrador made a symbol of his contempt for the traditional excesses of Mexican politics. Mollinedos father had been a close friend and supporter of López Obradors since his days as a young activist in their native state of Tabasco.
Mollinedo had also been the subject of one of López Obradors first big political scandals, which erupted in 2004 with reports that the mayors driver earned the salary of a deputy secretary in the municipal cabinet. López Obrador brushed off “Nicogate,” as the newspapers called it, but made it clear that Mollinedo was much more than a chauffeur. He was the mayors personal aide and logistics coordinator and worked with his security team. Mollinedo acted as a sometime gatekeeper as well, filtering the people and proposals that clamored for the mayors attention.
By early 2010, a raft of Mexican officials had been arrested on López Nájeras testimony, including a former top drug prosecutor and several senior police and military officials. His identity, though, remained a well-guarded secret, and he was confident that Soto believed he was still working for the narcos. They had last met in San Diego in late 2009, with DEA agents recording their conversation about whether Soto might want to get in on one of the drug deals López Nájera said he was putting together.
It made sense that López Nájera might be branching out on his own. La Barbie had stuck with the Beltrán Leyva brothers in what had been a two-year war with other factions of the Sinaloa Cartel. But now, as the Sinaloans gained the upper hand, La Barbie and the Beltrán Leyvas were fighting each other. The violence made headlines almost every day.
With the agents scripting his messages, López Nájera began texting Soto, officials familiar with the case said. In July 2010, they met at a hotel in Hollywood, Florida. Accompanied by an undercover DEA agent who posed as a Colombian cocaine supplier, López Nájera laid out his pitch: They had some deals in the works. They might need investors. The payoff would be big.
Soto said he was interested.
Weeks after the meeting in Florida, Soto flew to the Mexican-U.S. border to discuss a possible deal with the supposed Colombian trafficker and another undercover agent in McAllen, Texas. When he returned to McAllen in October, the two undercover agents told him they had 10 kilos of cocaine ready for him. But Soto balked, people familiar with the case said, insisting that he wasnt ready to sell the drugs in the United States.
Needing some way to draw Soto back into their scheme, the undercover agents pressed him to safeguard the cocaine for several days until they could ship it to another buyer. As a reward, they would give him a kilo, worth about $20,000. The drugs were in a car parked nearby, one of the agents said, handing Soto a set of car keys. (There was no actual cocaine.) The conversation was recorded in its entirety.
Sometime after 2 oclock the next morning, Soto returned to his room at a Courtyard Marriott. DEA agents were waiting.
On the wrong side of the border, without a lawyer or political connections, Soto did not take long to agree to cooperate. “He wasnt the kind of guy who was ready to go to jail,” one official familiar with the case said. Later that day, after Soto waived his right to be prosecuted in Texas, he was flown to New York City on a commercial jet, sandwiched between a couple of agents in the back row.
Soto would thereafter become a confidential DEA source, known in the case file as CS-1. At the request of the DEA, ProPublica agreed not to identify him and other sources in the case. However, Soto was named in [a Spanish-language article](https://www.dw.com/es/el-cartel-de-sinaloa-financi%C3%B3-la-campa%C3%B1a-presidencial-de-amlo-en-2006-i/a-68121426) about the case published by DW News, the German state broadcast network.
After initially acknowledging messages from a ProPublica reporter, Soto did not respond to detailed questions about his role in the U.S. investigation.
Over several interviews with prosecutors from the Southern District, Soto confirmed that he had taken two deliveries of cash from López Nájera for the 2006 campaign and that a third delivery had been made by another envoy of La Barbie. Soto said the three contributions amounted to somewhat less than the $2 million that López Nájera had claimed, a discrepancy the agents attributed to customary skimming. Soto said he turned the money over to Mollinedo, people familiar with the case said.
In New York, Soto conferred with a court-appointed lawyer before agreeing to the governments terms: If he continued to work secretly and speak truthfully with the investigators, he would be allowed to return to Mexico. His criminal conviction would remain sealed, and he would eventually be sentenced to the time he had “served” in federal custody — the several days he spent in McAllen and New York. Soto was brought before a federal judge and pleaded guilty to a single count of conspiracy to distribute cocaine.
U.S. officials understood that the arrangement posed serious risks. If Soto informed his colleagues in Mexico that he was being asked to set them up — or even if he just stopped returning phone calls — the Americans only leverage would be to expose his guilty plea and perhaps put out an international warrant for his arrest. But Soto would be able to expose their investigation.
The agents plan was to confirm the evidence they had gathered about the traffickers donations in 2006 and then to reenact a version of that scheme with López Obrador's incipient 2012 campaign — this time with recording devices in place. They called the investigation “Operation Polanco.”
![](https://img.assets-d.propublica.org/v5/images/20240130-AMLO_maxWidth_3000_maxHeight_3000_ppi_72_quality_95_embedColorProfile_true.jpg?crop=focalpoint&fit=crop&fm=webp&fp-x=0.5&fp-y=0.5&h=542&q=75&w=800&s=57e4585b15210d5b84fda43bc6c0862f)
López Obrador campaigning for the presidency in 2012 Credit: John Moore/Getty Images
---
To deploy Soto abroad as a covert or “protected-name source,” in the agencys lexicon, the DEA had to submit its investigative plan to a group of Justice and DEA officials known as a Sensitive Activity Review Committee. A SARC (pronounced “sark”) is a screening process akin to a legal bomb squad. The panels examine undercover operations that involve the delivery of drugs or money to traffickers or the targeting of corrupt foreign officials; the lawyers try to deactivate the plans that might blow up on the department.
Although targeting the López Obrador campaign was an especially high-risk proposition, the SARC provisionally approved the plan in late 2010, officials said. The agents and prosecutors would have to return to the committee at least every six months for further review, and the scrutiny would intensify as they moved ahead.
The agents wanted to go big. They proposed offering the campaign $5 million in cash in return for promises that a López Obrador government would leave the traffickers alone. If Mollinedo or others in the campaign agreed, the agents would offer a down payment, maybe $100,000. They would then deliver the money to obtain hard evidence of the campaigns complicity.
Some U.S. officials thought it was an auspicious moment for such a case. In August 2010, Mexican marines had [captured La Barbie](https://www.dea.gov/press-releases/2016/01/06/mexican-cartel-leader-edgar-valdez-villareal-aka-la-barbie-pleads-guilty). Two weeks later, they took down El Grande, his lieutenant, who had attended the 2006 meeting in Nuevo Vallarta. Both men had been indicted on federal charges in the United States and, if extradited, might be enticed to cooperate in return for a reduction of their sentences. In a brief conversation after his capture, El Grande told a DEA agent he was willing to share information about corrupt Mexican officials, but only after he was moved to the United States, documents reviewed by ProPublica show.
But even as new pieces of the investigation came together, the Obama administration was growing concerned about the fallout from another undercover operation, what became known as “Fast and Furious.” Without informing Mexican officials, agents of the Justice Departments Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives allowed hundreds of high-powered weapons to be shipped illegally into Mexico so they could track them into the hands of drug gangs. The tracking failed, however, and the weapons were later tied to shootings that killed or wounded more than 150 Mexicans as well as the murder of a U.S. Border Patrol agent. The Calderón government was outraged, and the tensions seemed to threaten bilateral cooperation once again.
“Things just came under a different level of scrutiny after Fast and Furious,” a former Justice Department official said. “At that point, everybody was in self-preservation mode.”
Still, American officials had some reason to hope that Mexicos leaders might countenance — and keep secret — their investigation. Their ultimate target, López Obrador, was Calderóns hated political rival. The DEA chief in Mexico City would inform the presidents intelligence chief, who was considered particularly trustworthy, and ask him to discuss the case only with Calderón.
The next phase of the investigation began well. DEA agents learned that the businessman who had accompanied Pancho León to the 2006 Nuevo Vallarta meeting was traveling to Las Vegas. When confronted by agents at the Bellagio Hotel & Casino, the businessman confirmed much of what Soto and López Nájera had said. He even mentioned a striking detail that López Nájera had noted: At the 2006 meeting in Nuevo Vallarta, León had given La Barbie a gift. Having heard that the trafficker collected watches, he brought a $20,000 Patek Philippe as a token of his respect.
The prosecutors initially thought they did not have enough evidence to arrest the man, so the agents let him return home after he promised to testify as a witness in any future criminal trial. The investigators had no hope of getting to León: In February 2007, months after losing his Senate race, [he disappeared](https://www.elsiglodetorreon.com.mx/noticia/2007/desaparece-empresario-de-gp.html) — the rumored victim of a drug-mafia murder.
In Mexico City, DEA agents rehearsed Soto, fitted him with a recording device and, in April 2011, sent him to talk with Mollinedo. It was a disaster. “He was terrified,” a former official recalled. Whether Soto mishandled the equipment or deliberately turned it off wasnt clear, but he returned with a truncated recording that was often unintelligible because of background noise.
A second attempt the following month yielded about an hour of tape. It was clear from that conversation that Mollinedo knew about the 2006 transaction, people familiar with the case said. He seemed worried about two former members of the campaign security team, who had recently been jailed and might be pressured to reveal what they knew about the traffickers contributions. The officials said Mollinedo also mentioned friends in the Mexican attorney generals office who might help protect him and Soto.
Although it was clear the two men were talking about the 2006 donations, Soto did not press Mollinedo to be more explicit or to incriminate himself more directly. “He never said, I dont know what youre talking about or I dont know any of those people. There wasnt anything said that cleared him,” one former official said of Mollinedo. “But the tape did not freshen up the conspiracy as much as was needed.”
In an interview, Mollinedo denied that he had ever received donations from drug traffickers and disputed the idea that López Obrador would ever tolerate such corruption. “We didnt manage money,” he said, referring to his logistics team, adding that it only handled funds it was given to spend on transportation and other campaign expenses.
After going over the recordings, the New York prosecutors were underwhelmed, former officials said. For such a sensitive and risky case, they felt the evidence needed to be nearly irrefutable. The agents nonetheless proposed to move ahead with the sting operation directed at Mollinedo and other López Obrador aides. How they proceeded from there — and whether they went after López Obrador and other politicians in his orbit — would depend on what the agents learned.
When the SARC met to review the case again, just before Thanksgiving 2011, Justice and DEA officials in Washington, D.C., were joined by video link with senior DEA agents in Mexico City and New York. This time, however, the questions were sharper, several people familiar with the meeting said. Even if U.S. Embassy officials informed only trusted Mexican officials, the information could easily leak out, some officials said, and it could be explosive.
DEA representatives at the meeting emphasized that they were not seeking to affect the Mexican election, officials familiar with the meeting said. But they also made the point that if Mexico elected a president who came to office in debt to powerful drug traffickers, the consequences could be catastrophic for the two countries law-enforcement partnership.
Not long into the meeting, the video link to Mexico City went down — a common occurrence with the technology of the time. Without the main DEA group working on the case, the tone of the discussion shifted, two people present said. Justice Department lawyers talked about the huge risks of the operation, the uncertain evidence and the still-volatile aftermath of the Fast and Furious scandal, which had prompted some Republicans in Congress to call for the resignation of Attorney General Eric Holder.
The agents and prosecutors got word of the SARC decision days later — the operation was being shut down.
In May 2012, the Mexican government extradited El Grande. When agents were able to ask him on U.S. soil about the donations to the López Obrador campaign, he confirmed that La Barbie had made them after the meeting in Nuevo Vallarta, two officials said.
![](https://img.assets-d.propublica.org/v5/images/20240130-Soto-Mollinedo_maxWidth_3000_maxHeight_3000_ppi_72_quality_95_embedColorProfile_true.jpg?crop=focalpoint&fit=crop&fm=webp&fp-x=0.5&fp-y=0.5&h=668&q=75&w=800&s=257f7df00e494aafeab3b1187cd1e997)
Mauricio Soto Caballero, left, and Mollinedo in 2019, when they announced the launch of a new environmental political party Credit: Tomás Martínez/Grupo Reforma
---
López Nájeras star turn as Jennifer in Operation Clean-up was short-lived.
When the Calderón government was replaced in December 2012, it was not by López Obrador and his leftist alliance but by the Institutional Revolutionary Party, or PRI, the political party that had held the country in a corrupt, authoritarian grip for more than 60 years until 2000. The new president, Enrique Peña Nieto, quickly pulled back from his predecessors close law-enforcement cooperation with the United States. Part of that shift was an effort by Peñas attorney general, Jesús Murillo Karam, to disparage and reverse the previous administrations prosecutions of corrupt officials.
According to three officials familiar with the events, Mexican prosecutors continued to interview López Nájera in the United States, but now they sought to exploit gaps and contradictions in his testimony. They asked him to corroborate new details of events he had described, sometimes suggesting specific dates, only to have other witnesses produce alibis for the dates López Nájera had confirmed.
A flurry of Mexican news stories, many of them driven by apparent government leaks, assailed López Nájera as a well-paid liar for the previous regime. Proceso, the countrys leading investigative magazine, [revealed his identity](https://www.proceso.com.mx/reportajes/2013/5/18/la-lengua-letal-de-jennifer-el-omnipresente-testigo-protegido-118503.html) with a cover photograph that U.S. officials said came from the Mexican attorney generals office. Virtually all the officials jailed in Operation Clean-up were released after the charges against them were dropped.
![](https://img.assets-d.propublica.org/v5/images/Proceso-1907_maxWidth_3000_maxHeight_3000_ppi_72_quality_95_embedColorProfile_true.jpg?crop=focalpoint&fit=crop&fm=webp&fp-x=0.5&fp-y=0.5&h=1036&q=75&w=800&s=7af9b31f9f76f1db8012959214f47fcd)
Proceso, Mexicos leading investigative newsmagazine, revealed in 2013 that the governments best-known informant was a former drug lawyer named Roberto López Nájera. Credit: Proceso
What did not become public was that U.S. law-enforcement officials took the opposite view. While they noted that López Nájera had been inconsistent or mistaken on some points in his statements, almost everything else he had told them held up. So even as López Nájera became a symbol in Mexico of the justice systems failures, the DEA judged him credible and continued to work with him.
Even before López Obrador took office in December 2018, U.S. officials began to review information from the DEA investigation as part of their effort to assess the new presidents willingness to work with them against the mafias, people briefed on the effort said. But the new Mexican leader soon answered that question himself.
First he sidelined the Mexican commando teams that had been the most trusted partner of U.S. law-enforcement and intelligence agencies. He then shut down a federal police unit that the DEA had trained and vetted to work with the Americans on big drug cases.
When DEA agents arrested a former Mexican defense minister, [Gen. Salvador Cienfuegos Zepeda](https://www.propublica.org/article/mexico-drug-cartels-cienfuegos-case-dea), on drug-corruption charges in October 2020, López Obrador turned on the agency even more forcefully. With the military high command pressing the president to act in Cienfuegos defense, Mexican officials made clear that counter-drug cooperation was at risk. After U.S. Attorney General William Barr dropped the case and repatriated the general, López Obrador declared the Mérida accord “dead” and pushed through strict new limits on how U.S. agents could operate inside Mexico.
López Obradors long-standing promises to carry out a crusade against political corruption have produced [almost no meaningful results](https://mexiconewsdaily.com/politics/lopez-obrador-corruption/). Although a smattering of corruption charges were announced early in the administration — nearly all against the presidents political adversaries — almost none were successfully prosecuted.
However, López Obrador did call into question the previous administrations discrediting of Operation Clean-up. In August 2022, his government arrested Murillo Karam on charges of helping cover up the 2014 disappearances of 43 students in the state of Guerrero. Months later, the government announced that the former attorney general would also [face corruption charges](https://apnews.com/article/business-mexico-caribbean-government-contracts-32ed862837f84458775707382bf7bd38) in connection with more than $1.3 million in hidden income and illicit contracts from which he was said to have profited during his time in office. Murillo Karam has denied the charges.
The presidents former close aide, Mollinedo, left López Obradors side after the 2012 campaign to go into business. He later joined Soto in trying to establish a new political party focused on the environment. The effort fizzled out within a year.
Mollinedo told ProPublica that he remains deeply loyal to the president. Although he and his family have been accused of [growing wealthy from their political connections](https://latinus.us/2023/09/12/de-chofer-de-amlo-a-empresario-de-la-4t-los-negocios-de-la-familia-de-nico-con-el-tren-maya/), he said his business endeavors have been entirely aboveboard.
**Update, Jan. 31, 2024:** At his [regular morning news conference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZjv6HtRuXA) following the publication of ProPublicas article, President Andrés Manuel López Obrador denounced the story as “completely false.” He added, “There is not a shred of evidence.”
He suggested that ProPublicas story was a product of “management of the media” by the U.S. State Department and other powerful government agencies. “The DEA must say if this is true, not true, what was the investigation, what proof does it have.”
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Tag: ["🤵🏻", "🇯🇵"]
Date: 2025-02-02
DocType: "WebClipping"
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TimeStamp: 2025-02-02
Link: https://thebaffler.com/salvos/eastern-promises-levi-king
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Read:: 🟥
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# Eastern Promises | Dylan Levi King
The yen is low, and everybody is coming to Tokyo. If that sounds familiar, its not because Im being coy or hedging my bets; it is the only information to be found in most English-language coverage of Japans capital in the aftermath of the pandemic. I cant stop reading these accounts. After nine years in the country, youd think I would have learned enough Japanese to liberate myself from the Anglo-American internet, but Im afraid Im stuck with flimsy stories about the tourist uptick for the time being. Sure, I can extract the basics of a television news report or a newspaper article, but thats asking for too much concentration to pleasurably distract me.
Part of the reason that so much coverage of the city where I live errs on the side of optimism is that Tokyo remains lodged in the postwar American imagination as a place of sophistication and wealth, good taste and cultural authenticity, with a reputation for deferential hospitality. Never mind that this was the calculated effect of bilateral postwar public relations campaigns, a boom in exportable middlebrow culture, and fearmongering about Japanese industrial dominance. Now, some eighty years after the American invasion, Tokyo is accessible to anyone with a couple thousand dollars. Just as, in the popular telling, Mexico City is an oasis for digital nomads, or Yiwu is a modern-day Alexandria—a cosmopolitan shipping hub, attracting dealers in durables and Third World middlemen—the travel-brochure-as-think piece only comes as a surprise to those who have managed to remain innocent of a century of complete transfiguration. It is perhaps unintentional that the authors of such pieces suggest, always in the mildest, most consumer-friendly terms, that calling budget tourism down on Tokyo is the last hope for a country burnt to the filter economically, culturally, and demographically. Japans economy never regained the heights of the asset price bubble of the late 1980s; wage increases have all but vanished for the past three “lost decades,” and the number of citizens has plummeted over the past fifteen years (the population is estimated to become half its current number by 2100). Hence, every tourist delivered to Haneda or Narita counts, whether they are purchasing frocks on Omotesando, pornographic manga in Akihabara, or fried dough at the FamilyMart.
Or maybe, the next story in the cycle will venture, the real problem is that there are *too many* tourists. An ambitious author might draw parallels between the struggles against overtourism in Venice or Bali and Japans panicky municipal schemes to address vacationers thronging formerly sedate neighborhoods or trawling red-light districts for teenaged prostitutes, citing editorials about foreigners yanking on cherry trees and eating so much rice theyve endangered domestic supplies. I cringe when the television set in the *kissaten* airs a story about foreign hooligans in Shibuya; if Im in a coffee shop, I feel the eyes of the Japanese patrons on me as they consider my criminal predilections, but alone in my bedroom I actually savor the reports of congestion on public transit and interviews with outraged local residents making noise complaints. Most reports are helpfully followed by a commentator bold enough to bring up *kanko kogai*, or “tourism pollution,” a term born in the academy before becoming ubiquitous in coverage of Chinese tourists since around 2018.
Tokyos race toward peak tourism hasnt been all bad. In this massive city, with an economy surpassing that of almost every country in Europe and an area of around five thousand square miles, the ebb and flow of tens of millions of tourists can be better accommodated than in more boutique tourist traps abroad. The real estate market has received a modest jolt from developers buying up property for hotels, and tight restrictions on short-term rentals introduced six years ago have saved Tokyo from the market distortion of cities like Florence, where Airbnb and predatory landlords have been blamed for an affordability crisis.
Still, mass tourism is as demoralizing and demeaning here as anywhere. Tourists disrupt the rhythm of the city, agents of minor turmoil set loose in familiar spaces. There may be no way to describe these transgressions without sounding like a crank—I know it is not maliciousness on their part—but I have lived in Japan long enough that the surprise of encountering a broad, looming American, with their transparent expressions and flashy Lycra pants, stuns me out of the daze into which the city has lulled me. I am rankled by offenses invisible to outsiders. While part of me sympathizes with the family of sightseers blundering their way onto a crowded Yamanote Line train with their suitcases or the young women filming TikToks in the aisles of a Ministop, my Tokyo training means I know infringement of its unwritten rules when I see it. This is a city that expects people to suffer in peculiar ways. You would need to live here to know that using a bicycle bell is anathema when you can simply squeeze the brakes by way of warning. There is no way to explain that the cement curbs around the overgrown green spaces carved out of the sidewalk at many intersections are not for sitting. I couldnt say for sure why the rumble of the plastic wheels of rolling suitcases is more frightening than jackhammers.
> As Tokyos economy has become a client of the service industry, it has drained its reservoirs of young people to run cash registers and deliver food, meaning guest workers must be tolerated.
Apart from making the city uglier and less orderly, the tourist is a reminder of an unhappy history in which the native population has been perpetually relegated to a vassal class. In recent years, the concept of *omotenashi*—basic hospitality, reconfigured as essentially Japanese—has been popularized by domestic tourism boosters as a national responsibility akin to wartime thrift. As a result, the tourist acts as though they are among staff members in a grand resort or actors in a stage show; the whole hospitable nation is at their service. (It can be funny to stand on an Asakusa corner and watch American or European tourists asking for directions from harried but unfailingly courteous office drones, Chinese tourists, or old men staggering toward the off-track betting parlor.) The tourist reminds the citizen that, as far as the future of the city is concerned, they are an afterthought.
### Dont Be My Guest
Mine is not a neighborhood for sophisticated tourists. Taito Ward is temples and cheap hotels. The more civilized sightseers are busy elsewhere, I know, for I have seen them fondling secondhand 2.55 flap bags in Daikanyama, wandering in Koenji alleys in search of the Kitakore Building, and chatting with each other in Harmonica Yokocho over matcha highballs. Chinese tourists still make up the bulk of travelers to Japan, but there are markedly fewer than five or eight years ago. Perhaps they have had their fill of Senso-ji or find the shoddy stalls in Ameyoko suspicious. In this part of East Tokyo, the tourists come mostly from Australia or America, white English speakers decked out in athletic gear like they expect the flat course from Ueno to Asakusa to tax their endurance. In inclement weather, they cover themselves and their rucksacks in disposable rain jackets, so that they look like ghosts coming through the mist.
They approach with a rustle and the rumble of plastic wheels on pavement. They sleep in converted love hotels in Uguisudani. They gather at the mammoth Uniqlo in Okachimachi. They take photographs outside of temples in Asakusa. They wear body cameras so that they can show to the world their visit to Kappabashi. I surveil them without guilt: they have come to turn their tourist gaze on the city, and turnabout is fair play.
Battalions of the immigrant proletariat have been redirected to this half of the city to serve the tourists, who likely overlook how the waitresses at Asakusa restaurants are now often Vietnamese students and Chinese sojourners. It is beyond most foreigners to listen for a note in a servers accent when they speak English or Japanese (now that ordering is most frequently done on a tablet, conversation is kept to a minimum anyway), let alone be alert to telltale, un-Japanese body language. The guest worker in Japan, though necessary to keep operations running, is stretched thin between demand and bureaucracy, especially considering the quasi-legal subterfuge required to ship them in. While the recently assassinated former prime minister Shinzo Abe expanded the quota for moderately skilled immigrants in a series of reforms translated as “Comprehensive Measures for Acceptance and Coexistence of Foreign Nationals,” many still arrive on student visas. Brokers and language schools arrange minimal coursework and permission to work a twenty-eight-hour week on the side, though much longer shifts are typical. Legal measures to end death from overwork could be more difficult to enforce among student workers, who are preyed on by language schools and staffing agencies. The truly unlucky souls wind up part of the Technical Intern Training Program, a scheme to bring in unskilled labor under the guise of vocational training that domestic and foreign investigations have found is rife with human trafficking, fraud, and vicious abuse that culminates in death, disfigurement, and psychological trauma. When guest workers abscond from the legal programs—in 2023 alone, more than nine thousand interns disappeared from the books—they become even more vulnerable, surviving on under-the-table jobs.
This is what happens when deindustrialization and financialization run riot. As Tokyos economy has become a client of the service industry, it has drained its reservoirs of young people to run cash registers and deliver food, meaning guest workers must be tolerated. The ruling center-right Liberal Democratic Party acknowledges them as their sole defense against *shoshi koreika*: “fewer children and aging.” Until automation takes a stronger hold—were only now phasing out floppy disks, fax machines, and employment-for-life—or the economies of Vietnam and Nepal surpass Japans, the only way to keep salad wraps in Lawsons is to import staff. Federations of bureaucrats and upstart politicians dream of an economy based on real estate investment and financial speculation. They would prefer to run their new city with a new population, one willing to render their cash or labor without expecting the power to make demands. Demographic collapse can be sidestepped, tourists and guest workers selected by grade like eggs, quotas adjusted to the whims of finance. The state-affiliated Japan National Tourism Organization is shooting for sixty million tourists a year by 2030. Efforts are underway to entice foreigners to work as farmhands, cooks, and truck drivers. Meanwhile, the Japanese population shrinks to a nub.
### Kitchen Confidential
The guest workers dont live in this neighborhood either. My neighbors are the subset known as expatriates: the software engineer from Sweden who sends his daughter to the same school as my son; the English teacher from Tennessee; the Chinese couple who run a signage shop down the block; the Gujarati jewelry dealer I know to wave at, who illegally parks a Maserati with a swastika on its hood outside the mid-rise next door; and the French photographer whose Japanese wife tells me theories about dog training, vegetarian diets, and 5G in the vaccine.
I myself followed a woman to Tokyo. We met when she was a tourist in my country. We were to return to her home and then leave to drift through rugged places as tourists together, before I signed up for a masters in contemporary Chinese literature at Sun Yat-sen University, and she sweated through an undergraduate degree in a more marketable field. But too many months went by. We ran out of money, we were happy, and I was trapped. We married at the municipal office in Shibuya, posed for the silly portraits that are de rigueur for newlyweds (her in gown and costume jewelry, me in matte gray tailcoat), and made the formal application to convert my tourist visa to “Spouse or Child of Japanese National,” authorized to work in any sector.
I took a job mopping vomit and picking up empty cups at a nightclub in Roppongi. I bussed tables in an Italian restaurant in Harajuku and worked in the kitchen of a pizza shop in Oji, apprenticing under an embittered long-term expatriate restaurateur forced into business with his ex-wife. It felt familiar. I had worked most of my life at the lowest end of the service industry or in warehouses and slaughterhouses. I consoled myself that when I finally finished my novel, it would be more authentic for having been composed while I was forking soggy hamburger buns into the trash. With few marketable skills, I didnt have much choice.
It didnt help that I was too stubborn and stupid to learn Japanese. I skipped the free language lessons provided by the Arakawa Ward government and worked on my Russian instead, hoping to understand what the bouncers in Roppongi were saying. I practiced my Spanish with the Peruvians who worked front-of-house at the Italian place. I never learned a polite word in Tagalog, only obscene slang.
I learned Vietnamese in Tokyo running food at a private club in Minato because I was in love with a dishwasher and wanted to make her smile. Thúy An and I didnt immediately share a language beyond the rudimentaries of kitchen argot. Japanese was spoken in the front of house to suit the desires of the typical member. The waitresses were generally suburban girls recently returned from study vacations in Sydney or Vancouver, capable of switching from the breezy Californian they used for the wives of foreign dignitaries and bankers on expatriate packages to the reassuring tones of *nihongo* service requisite for dealing with Aoyama blue bloods. The cooks were mostly Filipino and Indonesian, capable of reading a ticket in basic English and taking commands from the chef; the runners were usually from Nepal. The dishwashers and janitors, whose tasks could be completed mute, were Vietnamese and Chinese and West African.
There is not much that I knew for sure about Thúy An, and what little I did was meaningless. There is no sense in telling you about the shape of her philtrum or about how she once extended a hand to me to show that even the skin of her palms was raw and red from hours in gloves and hot water. There is no sense in recounting my disappointment when, after I trawled the shops in the basement of Mitsukoshi for an appropriate pastry to give her, she called in sick. Because I felt self-conscious singing its tones to a stranger, my Vietnamese progressed slowly, and it never got to the point that I could press her about her choices in life. I was never sure what brought her to Japan. I didnt know whether she was eager to learn Japanese or if she was only fulfilling her student visa. She dutifully attended class each morning, diagramming sentences, copying down honorific verb endings, and listening to cassette tapes of dialogue. I cant remember where she was from. (I do remember her taking off a glove, drying her fingertip on her collar, and scrolling to the rough coordinates of her hometown on Google Maps on my phone.) A city somewhere in Vietnams northwest, at least, which most people her age escaped. She dashed for the last Hibiya Line train if we had to stay late—unwilling to risk a night in an internet café, unable to budget for a taxi to Adachi or Sumida—but I cant remember where she lived.
I have never run into her in the Vietnamese enclave strung out between Uguisudani and Nippori, where I go for coffee on the weekend. It is strange to walk in the enclaves. The American habit of going out to enjoy the food of foreigners does not exist in Tokyo, and it is rare to hear Japanese spoken among the guests at a Vietnamese restaurant, except at lunchtime, when lunches with modified versions of Chinese dishes are offered to local office workers. Some of the enclaves have fearsome reputations, like that of the Kurds in Warabi. Just as few took note of the Korean schools and churches in Mikawashima, established by guest workers imported in the 1920s and maintained by those rendered stateless after the Second World War, there is no reason that anyone would notice the string of Vietnamese shops that dot the route from Uguisudani to Nippori unless they were looking for them. That the sound trucks of the far right still park in front of Shin-Okubo Station, agitating against Koreans despite Indonesians and Chinese guest workers having supplanted them, is proof nobody pays attention to these things.
> That is how the guest worker is deployed: concealed in dormitories and closed worksites on the margins of the city, moving under cover in the city, foreign agents adopting a new language and new lifestyle only to be spirited out of the country before anybody more permanent gets to know them.
After I quit my job, I never saw Thúy An again. I could project onto her publicly available data on Vietnamese guest workers and the promises made by labor brokers to employers, and she could become an average of the five hundred thousand Vietnamese workers in the country. A woman, young, not necessarily undereducated but without prospects at home, willing to work long hours ripping squid guts, spreading fertilizer, and driving forklifts—jobs for which too few Japanese workers could be found. I might substitute her essence for a composite of other acquaintances so she could become a socialist-realist hero: homesick but brave, poor and self-sacrificing, loyal to her own culture while open to the world. That is not what I want to do. She is a cipher because that is how the guest worker is deployed: concealed in dormitories and closed worksites on the margins of the city, foreign agents adopting a new language and new lifestyle only to be spirited out of the country before anybody more permanent gets to know them.
### City Pop
Now I earn a living writing, with wire transfers from abroad. It is better to be in the category of tourist that can call itself expatriate, even if it pains me to admit I have more in common with the Swedish software engineer across the street than the Chinese student-laborers who spill out of a language school above the closest 7-Eleven in the afternoon. Being an expatriate author is not as glamorous as I imagined as a boy dreaming of a loft in Tangier with a novel-in-progress spread out on the floor. It is not even as romantic as when I attempted it the first time, spending through my savings in Guangzhou, writing unpublishable short stories in between appeals to my mother for another Western Union wire. But it does mean I am sought out by sophisticated tourists when W. David Marx doesnt get back to them. This began when the country reopened after the pandemic, and the exchange rate made it affordable for half-famous authors, graduate students with bylines in leftist magazines, and minor internet celebrities to travel to Tokyo.
Flattered by their attention, I was happy to act as de facto tour guide to what passes for “authentic” Tokyo. I met my guests at Uguisudani Station, pointing in the direction of a cluster of love hotels where a recent street scuffle broke out between aging criminals over sex industry protection money before leading them to the Fujizuka cult mound fenced inside a backyard shrine. I chaperoned them through the more intimidating public housing developments; usually deserted, the source of their discomfort is less so the residents and more the Stalinist architecture. I brought them to inspect *nagaya*, those corrugated-tin-sided rowhouses awaiting demolition. I aspired to reveal history otherwise buried, like the bones that came to the surface when foundations were dug around Minami-Senju Station, where the crematoria and execution grounds once presided. Most visitors walking north of Asakusa fail to connect the dots between the concentration of public housing developments there and the areas history as a refuge for *burakumin* outcasts, who could break the taboo on working with leather and would live in cheap municipal areas undesirable to developers.
“Araki shot pictures for *Midori* here,” I have told more than one of my guests in Yoshiwara Park, “and now the soapland girls come here to pose for their daily photo diaries.” Around the corner, I pointed out the gory pictures beside the statue of the Bodhisattva Kannon. “Kawabata came here in 1923,” I said, “right after the earthquake, walking with Akutagawa, and wrote about the hundreds of corpses of the courtesans and their children, boiled alive in the pond as the fire swept through the pleasure quarter.” I took my guests for tepid coffee gelatin and slices of buttered milk bread at *kissaten* between blaring televisions and demented proprietors. I pushed crocks of monkfish stew under their chins, pointing out how the gelatin rendered from skin of the fish made for an exquisitely rich broth, which could only be cleaned from the palate by buckwheat shochu. I used to end the tours I gave of East Tokyo at the site of the old labor market, or *yoseba*, in Irohakai. Some people knew the place by reputation. They had streamed *Yama—**Attack to Attack* (1985), the documentary about neighborhood activism, famous for bringing down the rage of organized crime and resulting in the murder of its original director during the production of the film, as well as his replacement after *Yama*s completion. Even if the neighborhood was no longer called Sanya (city authorities scrubbed it from maps in the 1960s), some of my guests knew that name from reading about labor struggles.
Sanya provided the foundation for a city now divided between tourists and guest workers. After the Second World War, the men who arrived from the impoverished rural regions of the north became permanent residents for its cheap proximity to Ueno Station, where the trains dropped them off. The crowded welfare barracks set up by the American occupation were taken over by landlords who carved them up to accommodate even more. The *yoseba* at Sanya functioned as an auction for human beings. Construction firms listed how many of each particular sort of worker they needed every workday—ten men with experience pouring concrete, say, and twenty more unskilled laborers—and labor brokers descended on the slums before dawn to negotiate their wages.
The economic miracle fizzled. Sanya became a refuge for the homeless, a place for ward governments to redirect vagrants. The *yoseba* declined but never went away altogether. Foreign workers joined the natives in hoping for work, but by the time I began coming to Irohakai, there were only a handful of elderly men standing around. The mobbed-up labor brokers had been replaced by subcontractors or man-and-a-van renovation guys. I noticed only a few foreigners, probably Bengali or Nepali. There are better places to find employment. The men who ran the flophouses and hostels had to adapt. Now they collect a daily housing allowance granted by the government from the demobilized migrant workers. They filled the rest of their beds with sightseers. Sanya, despite being one of the poorest sections of the city, became a tourist destination. It is cheap, within walking distance of Asakusa, and close enough to a Yamanote or Hibiya Line station.
> My tour reminded them that Tokyo was just as cruel as anywhere else. “All of this will be gone soon!” I said. I meant it as a lament. They may have been relieved.
As I told my visitors, when I first arrived in Tokyo, the arcade had a roof, which the ward government and the developers since conspired to demolish, in part to stop the homeless from sitting under it. I claimed that this had once been a place that stank of urine in the summer. I claimed that I had seen activists leading a march to the police station on the corner. I wondered what I remembered and what I had only picked up from Oyama Shiros memoir of drifting through the neighborhood. They wanted to see the neon streets of the bubble economy years, still preserved in American media. They wanted to catch the girls in outrageous dresses posing in Harajuku for *FRUiTS* magazines freelancers taking “street snaps” like it was twentysomething years ago. They wanted, even if it would be gauche to admit, to play out their *Lost in Translation* Charlotte-and-Bob fantasies in a rundown karaoke box in a hip neighborhood. They wanted to see the *sento**s* converted from bathhouses into art galleries. My tour reminded them that Tokyo was just as cruel as anywhere else. “All of this will be gone soon!” I said. I meant it as a lament. They may have been relieved.
### Miserable Miracle
If history is any guide, temporary residents will be swept away via deportations or pogroms, or when the next generation moves to the nicer parts of the city. Enclaves may never fill in for neighborhoods, but neighborhoods themselves do not last. Tokyo is a young city relative to many other foreign capitals, having only become a center of power after the Meiji Restoration in 1868. There is little left of the old world, as most of the city was burnt or knocked down in the twentieth century. Curtis LeMay torched and demolished sixteen square miles with his B-29s. People were displaced. The city expanded again.
In my neighborhood, most of the native Japanese came from somewhere else over the course of a generation—down from the north to work on the reconstruction of the city, or from the vast, sprawling suburbs. They claim distant hometowns that they may never have visited, where their ancestors are buried. The shrine festivals of East Tokyo are attended by the new young couples, but there are too few dedicated locals left to observe the rites, so the *miko* tasked with handing out amulets in their white gowns are girls recruited through temporary labor websites, while stout country boys are hired to carry the *mikoshi* in the procession. The Japanese residents of my building are mostly old widows who arrived in the city after the war and whose children have relocated in favor of work and easier commutes. They have no real need to stay here and could be just as happy in Akabane, Minowa, or Machiya as they are in Shitaya. The *Edokko*—someone whose roots in the city go back four generations or so—have always been rare. It is hard to find a number for them, but a single percent of the population is probably optimistic.
The prospect of being expelled from the city is terrifying. The residents who grouse to newspapermen about the sound of plastic wheels on the sidewalk hate the city, but they are more afraid of their shallow roots being dug up, of towers and chain coffee shops burying all traces of their existence. In a nation that gathers around Tokyo like the last torch in the encroaching dark, being asked to quit the city for a wretched exurban stretch of pachinko parlors and family restaurants amounts to exile, even if were talking about the native soil of ones own parents or grandparents. A government policy that offered cash in exchange for relocating out of the city was deemed a failure, and with good reason: to leave Tokyo would be to give up on the dream of Japans reconstruction, when the dignity and wealth of the nation was worth any sacrifice, when everyone was told they were witnessing a miracle.
Japan was a miracle! The transformation from a bloody empire to a placid failed democracy is remarkable—even more so because the Allied Occupation left war criminals in charge. Its carefully managed postwar economy was a behemoth. Moderate prosperity and lifetime employment was guaranteed if you could tolerate the strictures of corporate life. But the men in charge put it all on black, went bust, and made up their losses selling off what remained to foreign capital; Japanese socialism—the command economy responsible for public housing, employment-for-life, and fast trains—was dismantled. Japan became hopeless, and the promised renewal has never come to pass.
> Foreign labor has become harder to attract, as Japan grows poorer while its neighbors become wealthier.
And so, everyone is looking backward. The guest worker wants to relive the dream of the 1980s, when they could wash ashore in Japan from Fuzhou or Tehran and entertain hopes of striking it rich and returning home loaded down with foreign currency. The budget tourists photographing the maid café touts in Akihabara; the sex tourists in Kabukicho; the solemn, well-dressed tourists in the Andaz lobby; the busloads of elderly European tourists disembarking behind Senso-ji; and the long-term sightseers who call themselves expatriates—they are no less nostalgic. They want the futuristic, clean, fashionable Japan they dreamed of when they were children (and not to be told that four Lost Decades have gone by), to visit temples and shrines and castles (and not to be told that they were built within their lifetimes), to walk in the arcades and pause to take in the labor of an old woman in the window of a *senbei* shop (and not to be told that her building will be replaced by a business hotel with a My Basket on the first floor), to feel as if they have come to a place that is better for having preserved what the rest of the world has lost.
### Neo Tokyo
I started meeting those important strangers who reached out to me in the perfumed lobbies of luxury hotels or in restaurants on the upper stories of Nihonbashi and Ginza department stores, choosing the sorts of places that a *kyabakura* hostess might take a client on a pre-shift *dohan* date, gorging herself on steak and champagne before marching the man triumphantly into her establishment to be drained again. They were still disappointed, but only with my incoherence when I was called on to hold forth on the city or the people, my inability to remember names, and my doomsaying about the urbanist paradise. My guests didnt want to hear that the future here, as everywhere, was human trafficking and budget tourism. Eating pigeon in the satellite branch of a Hong Kong barbecue shop on the upper floor of a crystalline tower, nobody wanted to be lectured about the replacement of housing projects and migrant worker slums with Mori Building retail-residential complexes. Political and business elites are enthusiastic for foreigners to solve the demographic collapse, prop up flaccid service sector consumption, and reheat the real estate market. As those claiming citizenship pass from the city, its neighborhoods can be optimized by city planners working for property developers, reconstituted with temporary residents who make fewer demands and who, if necessary, can be exsanguinated from the body politic.
Tokyo is preparing for such a future. But foreign labor has become harder to attract, as Japan grows poorer while its neighbors become wealthier. For tourism numbers to recover to their pre-pandemic peak, let alone grow, the yen would have to be kept at a price that drags down the rest of the economy—to say nothing of the difficulty of guaranteeing geopolitical and ecological stability. The future will only come when people abandon their faith in Sustainable Development Goals and *omotenashi*, or in the wisdom of converting red-light districts to duty-free shopping zones and knocking the roofs off the arcades to accommodate more hotels. At that point, there will no longer be enough physical or spiritual remnants to credibly resurrect even the least romantic visions of the past. Those left behind—the grandchildren of the enclaves and the less ambitious products of the expatriate neighborhoods, the returnees from exile in suburbia, those who have held on—will face the problem of what is to be done with a city transformed to maximize investor confidence. An old society in a poorer country served by young people who have come from far away is one that must look elsewhere for new sources of hope. That is why I stay. If it is true—this time, after so many false starts—that Tokyo is the future, I would like to know what that means.
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# Fentanyl, the portrait of a mass murderer
Life — or whats left of it — stops on Kensington Avenue every 10 minutes or so. It happens when the subway hums along the elevated tracks, a blue steel structure that flies over this Philadelphia street. The roar doesnt allow you to think… but, at least for that moment, the problems at ground zero of [the fentanyl crisis in the United States](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-05-22/how-the-united-states-got-hooked-on-fentanyl.html) are put on hold.
Afterward, the addicts and the volunteers who help them, the dealers and the police, the YouTubers and the tourists attracted by the news, the armed merchants and the residents of this gigantic open-air drug market will return to the free-for-all fight under the tracks. Hundreds of people who are addicted to the powerful opioid — which is 50 times stronger than heroin — live and die on these streets. Some, like Daniel — who lost all his toes due to the cold — have been wandering around them for years. Others dont make it past their first month here.
The fate of all of them begins about 2,500 miles away, next to a different set of train tracks: those that cross [Culiacán, in the heart of Mexican drug trafficking territory](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-11-24/succession-struggles-and-a-wave-of-internal-violence-what-the-arrest-of-el-nini-means-for-mexicos-sinaloa-cartel.html). There, a fentanyl cook — who calls himself Miguel — carries out macabre experiments on a handful of consumers, who test the merchandise before its shipped off to the United States. They start with one dose: one third pure and the rest, cut. The “human guinea pigs” inject it in front of him. If they say, “No, it didnt rock me, it didnt put me to sleep, add more,” the percentage increases. Miguel assures EL PAÍS that no one has ever died from this process.
![One of the corners of Kensington Avenue in Philadelphia, which has become a symbol of the fentanyl crisis in the United States.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/rrbfduYSXNwzPy_TbljVA664r5M=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/IU3F5Y6BXFFSDKOMEGM5OUHQXY.jpg)
One of the corners of Kensington Avenue in Philadelphia, which has become a symbol of the fentanyl crisis in the United States.Carlos Rosillo
Culiacán, the capital of the Mexican state of Sinaloa, and Philadelphia, the symbol of the largest drug crisis in the history of the United States, are two of the stations along the journey of a dose of fentanyl. And [more than 11,000 miles separate Daniels needle from the Chinese laboratories in Wuhan](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-06-13/cryptocurrencies-chemicals-and-drugs-the-menu-of-international-fentanyl-trafficking.html), where the chemical precursors necessary to synthesize the drug are manufactured. That cheap white powder that is injected, smoked, or taken in pill form was responsible for two-thirds of the 107,888 overdose deaths recorded in the United States in 2022 — an all-time record. There are about 295 deaths a day, as if a major plane crashed at a New York City airport every morning.
With the aim of deciphering all the aspects of a global problem, EL PAÍS has followed the trail through eight cities, three countries and two continents, tracking the most effective serial killer of American adults between 18 and 49-years-old. It murders them more than traffic accidents and firearms.
Wuhan Manzanillo Culiacán Tijuana San Francisco Philadelphia
Its a trip with stops in the slums where drug traffickers cook fentanyl and in the ports along the Pacific, corroded by corruption. It examines the propaganda machinery of Beijing and [the Washington offices where the strategists behind a losing war are at work](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-12-07/fentanyl-crisis-strains-us-mexico-diplomatic-relations.html). It sneaks across the border with Mexico — where, in 2022, the authorities seized 370 million lethal doses, more than enough to kill the entire population of the worlds leading power — and climbs the roads along which the trucks take it, hidden among bean jars, to the streets of Philadelphia or San Francisco, the two cities that top the rankings for fentanyl deaths in the world.
In the narcos den: a “cook” in Sinaloa The addicts: an apocalypse in San Francisco The precursors: from a laboratory in Wuhan to the world The ports of Mexico: life or death in Manzanillo Export: the law of the border The dealers: supply and demand The science: the stronger the high, the bigger the hook Harm-reduction: needles in Kensington The Politics The way-out: veterans of the War on Drugs
### **1\.** In the narcos den: a “cook” in Sinaloa
![En la guarida del narco: un cocinero en Sinaloa](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/sbazepb3ulTDafmo0aJMJNBiV_k=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/3ML4GPXYQFA3JFHQ7WBQ657WIM.jpg)
One of the symbols of the Sinaloa Cartel accompanied by the image of Jesus Malverde, the “narco saint.” HÉCTOR GUERRERO
Miguel is what U.S. authorities define as a “qualified chemist.” Hes used by the Sinaloa Cartel for the large-scale production of fentanyl. To be clear, Miguel isnt actually named Miguel… and hes not a chemist, either. He didnt even finish high school.
He works as a “cook” in the territory controlled by [Los Chapitos](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-04-24/secret-recordings-million-dollar-rewards-and-family-betrayal-how-the-us-hunted-down-el-chapos-sons.html), the four sons of Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán, who inherited the business while their father is serving a life sentence in Colorado. “I learned to cook by watching others,” Miguel explains, lying on a couch in the safe house on the outskirts of Culiacán. He has agreed to tell his story, on the condition that EL PAÍS preserves his anonymity and does not reveal any details that give away his true identity. Autumn has already arrived, but its more than 85 degrees outside. The hum of the air conditioning accompanies the conversation — which lasts almost an hour — in a half-empty room.
Miguel says that hes 29-years-old and that he makes a living manufacturing fentanyl in the mountains, the birthplace of legendary drug traffickers, such as El Chapo himself. He also says that he earns well: he makes about 450,000 pesos a day, or more than $25,000.
As a child, he worked in the fields. At 13, he started as a “pointer,” guarding a stretch of road for drug traffickers. At 15, some of his uncles invited him to work in a heroin laboratory as a jack-of-all-trades. They paid him 500 pesos ($30) a day. “Wouldnt you have taken it?” he asks, without waiting for an answer. “Obviously, I was going to take it.”
He first learned how to turn opium gum into heroin. Then, a little over a decade ago, he turned to methamphetamines, while they were trendy. But he didnt like it: the smell made him want to vomit.
Today, his fentanyl “kitchen” in the mountains is a small hut, covered by tarps and hidden by branches. Thats another of its great advantages over heroin: fentanyl not only is a much more powerful and addictive substance, its also much easier to produce and transport. [Theres no need for extensive fields of poppies](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-04-18/fentanyls-butterfly-effect-end-of-heroin-boom-leaves-mexican-poppy-farmers-high-and-dry.html), nor farmers to take care of them, nor good luck with the storm season.
![Members of the Mexican Army dismantle a chemical drug laboratory on the border of the mountains of Nayarit and Sinaloa.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/ToM6reQicEiGwnBKPeOHKRniqpE=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/6ZQD5BE5LNCH7MA3H7N4U3AXCE.jpg)
Members of the Mexican Army dismantle a chemical drug laboratory on the border of the mountains of Nayarit and Sinaloa.Hector Guerrero
To synthesize the drug, Miguel follows a three-step recipe. He refers to the **chemical precursors** needed for the formula as the “liquids.” How many does he use? He remains silent for a few seconds while he counts with his hands: “10, plus the base.” Of his “suppliers,” however, he doesnt say anything.
- Chemical precursors
- Also known as drug precursors, these are substances used in the production of other substances by means of the chemical compounds they contain.
At the end of the process, he puts the thick mixture to dry on a cloth. From there, some lumps come out, which are passed through a home blender until a white powder remains. A kilo of Chinese precursors costs the cartel — according to the DEA — about $800. From there, four kilos of fentanyl come out. The profit can be between 200 and 800 times what they paid. That is, from $160,000 to $640,000 per kilo. This is why, when demand is high, up to 14 people get together to work.
Sinaloa, a state in northwest Mexico, is one of the hot spots for drug production that has put the United States in check. Most of the Mexican Armys seizures are concentrated here. The area of Culiacán and its surroundings — one of the epicenters of the narcoculture empire, with its cult of organized crime as a lifestyle — is controlled by Los Chapitos. In February, Ovidio Guzmán — the youngest brother — was arrested. The drug traffickers order was, after that, to stop: dont make noise, lower the volume. “Wait a little while.” So, Miguel has now put his laboratory on hold. He says that, at the moment, hes peaceful with his savings. He trusts that there will be work again.
![A military truck torched by the Sinaloa Cartel after the arrest of Ovidio Guzmán in Culiacán, on January 7, 2023.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/Zj-bfacwKg2FSgUhIRcrpG3smk0=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/T4RGG6CXIJAYVAXKDMCNCNTT2Y.jpg)
A military truck torched by the Sinaloa Cartel after the arrest of Ovidio Guzmán in Culiacán, on January 7, 2023.Gladys Serrano
During the conversation, he refers again and again to *la plebada*, a Sinaloan slang term for “the guys.” He says: “Im not upset with *la plebada.*” Or: “*La plebada* has its workers.” Or: “Sometimes, you have to do things with *la plebada*.” Finally, he speaks directly: “*La plebada* are Los Chapitos.”
He claims that he doesnt work exclusively for them. He says that he has other clients who are discreet, businessmen who work effectively, “who move the kilos.” He prefers not to be too close to Los Chapitos. Because “if they tell you to kill a person, you have to go kill them. And my business isnt to kill people, you hear me? My business is to work.” Thats why Miguel has his laboratory in the mountains. And thats why, when he finishes the interview, hell leave in a hurry for his ranch. He doesnt want to “have issues with *la plebada*.”
### **2\.** The addicts: an apocalypse in San Francisco
![Los adictos: apocalipsis San Francisco](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/RPks4KdOdyquObAQjXv9eK2-Lak=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/BDNNKYOOBBDSDNVYB7GIUULLW4.jpg)
Joseph smokes fentanyl from his pipe in a Tenderloin alley. CARLOS ROSILLO
Its 11:30 on another foggy day in the [Tenderloin, a neighborhood in downtown San Francisco.](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-07-03/the-slow-death-of-downtown-san-francisco.html) With a bohemian past, the area has turned into an apocalyptic symbol of the post-pandemic city.
Joseph, 41, lives on these streets. Sitting on the floor, he reads a chronicle of the Ukrainian war in an old newspaper. He likes to know whats going on in the world, he says. He doesnt sleep much, almost always during the day, to avoid being robbed of the little that he has: a backpack and a garbage bag that he drags when he shuffles, because its difficult for him to walk upright.
He came to San Francisco in 2016 from Chicago. He lived with a girlfriend in a downtown apartment. After breaking up with her, his previous addiction problems worsened and he ended up adding to the statistics of the 653,000 homeless people living poorly in the United States, 12% more than the previous year, another historical high.
Josephs newspaper also serves to wrap half-a-gram of fentanyl, some crack, aluminum foil and a lighter. In a secluded alley, he pulls out a pipe, lights it and inhales. He doubles over and sways. A couple of minutes later — back from somewhere on the edge of consciousness — he confesses: “I used heroin before. This is much worse. I want more and more. And I need it every 40 minutes. If not, I go crazy.” According to neuroscience, [its effect is stronger and shorter,](https://english.elpais.com/science-tech/2023-05-29/the-scourge-of-fentanyl-how-the-devastating-drug-affects-the-body.html) causing its addicts to live with the anxiety that Joseph describes. “The worst thing is that its never like the first time.”
There are hundreds of people who, like him, are looking around the Tenderloin district to feel what they felt that first time. Almost all of them have a long history of drug use behind them. Many say that they ended up using fentanyl due to some setback in life: an illness, a loss of a loved one, mental health problems… They are mostly white, extras in the third act of the opiate tragedy, which began in the 1990s with prescription pills called **OxyContin**. This continued with the resurgence of heroin at the beginning of the century. Since the middle of the last decade, the tragedy stars fentanyl, which swept all the others away.
- OxyContin
- Brand name for oxycodone and a source of wealth and notoriety for the Sackler family.
Addicts subsist in downtown San Francisco among tents, wheelchairs, sewers and garbage. In the morning, they score. At midday, they grab a juice, or something to eat. Some form groups to be protected. They dont say much thats intelligible to each other, but they nod along together. When theyre in one place, they lie around in any way possible, with their heads against the pavement. When theyre on the move, they smile at strangers, say “thank you” and “good morning,” clinging to the humanity that good manners can offer.
Every now and then, someone shouts “overdose!” A crowd runs into the street, armed with **naloxone** inhalers. According to [a study by Massachusetts General Hospital](https://www.massgeneral.org/news/press-release/study-reveals-fentanyl-effects-on-brain), what contributes to making fentanyl a very dangerous drug is that the consumer of too high an amount stops breathing before even losing consciousness.
- Naloxone
- Narcan, in its commercial formulation, acts on the same neuroreceptors as fentanyl, deactivating its fulminant effect.
When the overdose is a false alarm, the resurrected ones slip away at a brisk pace, without time to thank their luck. Nobody wants to end up in the hospital: a night without fentanyl is worse than death.
Given this scenario, most stores around the area have closed. On the corners, the dealers ensure the smooth running of their business, without taking their eyes off of each other. Its easy to distinguish them: [they dont look like theyre on drugs.](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-12-17/the-poison-and-the-antidote-a-cry-for-help-from-ground-zero-of-the-fentanyl-epidemic.html)
The orderliness and safety of the residents is the responsibility of volunteers from associations such as [Urban Alchemy](https://urban-alchemy.us/), which receives funding from the San Francisco City Council. The police have other priorities. After three months of visiting the Tenderloin district several times a week, its inevitable to think that the city has handed the neighborhood over to drug addicts. Life is organized around them.
In 2021, Mayor London Breed — of the Democratic Party — declared an emergency, asking the state of California and the federal government for help. Since then, the California Highway Patrol and the National Guard collaborate with local agents in the pursuit of drug mafias. In November, they made an effort to clean up the streets on the occasion of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Leaders Meeting, which resulted in a commitment by President Joe Biden and Chinese President Xi Jinping [to cooperate more effectively](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-10-28/agreement-reached-for-biden-xi-talks-but-details-still-being-worked-out.html) to tackle the crisis. But it was just a mirage. The world leaders left and the apocalypse returned.
### **3\.** The precursors: from a laboratory in Wuhan to the world
![Los precursores: de un laboratorio de Wuhan al mundo](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/f6_OkudcT5Mz01Gw--Y3Jn8gaME=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/B6YUK5U4ORCBNAKH7W73ZZZ3WI.jpg)
Police discover oxycodone pills during a search at John F. Kennedy Airport, in New York. GETTY
On December 15, 2021, a self-made Chinese businessman became one of the most wanted men in the global fentanyl business. His name is Chuen Fat Yip. With brown eyes, weighing 150 pounds and standing at 5ft 6, the 70-year-old man was born in Wuhan. The U.S. Department of State is offering a $5 million reward for any information leading to his arrest.
According to Washington, Chuen runs a drug trafficking organization that operates in mainland China and Hong Kong. He also controls a group of companies that sell chemical compounds and precursors. One of them is Wuhan Yuancheng Gongchuang Technology.
The company has an active website, where it says they export to more than 20 countries. Theres a phone number. On the other end of the line, a mans voice sounds. When asked about the sanctions, he excuses himself: “Im just a salesman…” Hell then stop responding to messages.
Chuen defends his innocence. He affirms that the case is based on “untrue information” circulated by American reporter Ben Westhoff. This is from a 2022 statement that his company sent to a Texas court, where — among other things — he is accused of allegedly agreeing to ship 24 kilograms of 4-ANPP, a precursor to fentanyl.
Westhoff is an investigative journalist. He was working on his book [*Fentanyl, Inc.*](https://groveatlantic.com/book/fentanyl-inc/) (2019) when he came across Chuen. He searched the internet for advertisements for precursors and found a copious amount of ads from companies in China dedicated to their production and export. Almost all paths seemed to lead to the same matrix: Yuancheng.
![The DEA offered a reward to anyone providing information on Chuen Fat Yip's whereabouts.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/NtpbIhLITevCtDFJ4Q3Phnu-qv0=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/HC37HF6UBJH6XKACQMGLMCDUTI.png)
The DEA offered a reward to anyone providing information on Chuen Fat Yip's whereabouts.DEA.GOV
It was 2017: producing and selling these precursors was still legal in China. Part of the problem has always been that they werent prohibited. They contributed to the deaths of tens of thousands of people on the other side of the world, even though they did no harm in the West. One of the most up-to-date sources of official information is a recent documentary that was broadcast on Chinese state television. The film claims that, in China — with one of the most severe anti-drug regulations in the world — the abuse of fentanyl is “practically unknown.” Since 2017, the Peoples Republic has resolved 397,000 criminal cases related to narcotics, but fewer than 10 were linked to the opiate.
The documentary acknowledges the difficulty of keeping track of new variants. In 2013, there were already 13 types of fentanyl. Ten years later, there are more than 50 in China alone. Since 2015, Beijing has been increasing the number of controlled substances each year.
NPP and 4-ANPP entered the list of persecuted compounds in 2017, so online sellers in China began offering Westhoff legal substitutes. In a phone interview from St. Louis, Missouri, the journalist sums it up like this: “There are a lot of different chemicals that can be used to make fentanyl, and theyre legal in China.”
In May 2019, Beijing took the step of banning all analogue substances. Previously, in the first years of the epidemic, much of the fentanyl that arrived in the United States came from the Asian country, in [packages sent by regular mail.](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-10-26/us-government-says-it-plans-to-go-after-legal-goods-tied-to-illegal-fentanyl-trade-in-new-strategy.html) When the screws of its production in Asia were tightened, Mexican drug traffickers (as well as laboratories in the United States or Canada, where the largest one discovered to-date has just been dismantled in Vancouver) quickly learned how to cook it. Still, they continued to need the ingredients for the recipe from China: the famous precursors.
In February 2018, Westhoff posed as a buyer and visited Chuens company in Wuhan. In addition to being famous for being the birthplace of Covid-19, the city is the capital of Hubei province — one of the countrys chemical hubs — as well as the headquarters of several companies sanctioned by the United States for their links to fentanyl.
China is the worlds largest producer of pharmaceutical ingredients. But it wasnt always like this. The change came with the economic reforms pushed by Chairman Deng Xiaoping. In 1985, when China began to admit foreign capital, one of the first pharmaceutical companies to arrive was **Janssen**, a Belgian firm. Its founder, Dr. Paul Janssen (1926-2003), was a lover of China and became one of the first foreign visitors to the terracotta warriors of Xian. He was also the chemist who synthesized fentanyl in 1959, which quickly became one of the most widely-used opioid pain relievers.
- Janssen
- Part of the giant Johnson & Johnson, which patented one of the first vaccines against Covid-19.
On the day Westhoff visited, there were hundreds of salespeople scattered throughout Chuens offices. It was cold. The two men spoke briefly. A few months later, he would call to tell him that he was a journalist. In his book, he clarifies that Yuancheng didnt sell merchandise considered illegal in China, but that everything indicates that Chuen was aware that the precursors were used to illegally manufacture fentanyl.
Yu Haibin — deputy director of the National Narcotics Control Commission and one of the leaders of the anti-drug fight in China — claims to be aware of the Chuen Fat Yip case. “So far, weve found no evidence that he or his company has violated the law in China,” he says, during an interview with EL PAÍS in Beijing. “If the United States could provide us with legally-obtained evidence, we could take legal action under Chinese law,” he adds. “Were open to cooperation.” The issue reflects the underlying problem. In the middle of one of the worst moments of geopolitical tension between Washington and Beijing, the White House continued to impose sanctions against dozens of Chinese companies and citizens in 2023. But Chinese investigations reveal that the equipment and substances involved “are not controlled” in his country, Yu cations. That is, the sale is not prohibited.
In November, fentanyl was one of the key issues of Biden and Xis meeting in San Francisco, which resulted in Chinas commitment to do more to resolve the crisis. Yu explains that among the next steps to be taken will be “comprehensive cooperation that includes the exchange of intelligence information, the investigation of \[specific\] cases and technical exchange.” At the moment, its unclear if this will be enough. The DEA has already observed an increase in trafficking of precursors from India.
### **4\.** The ports of Mexico: life or death in Manzanillo
![Los puertos de México: a vida o muerte en Manzanillo](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/EdWI23nK_-6kDYLoRjm2WwYW_6c=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/F74N22MZHFHBHMGQRFJERQA67Y.JPG)
The Port of Manzanillo, China's main gateway into Mexico, is being investigated for the trafficking of fentanyl precursors. ROBERTO ANTILLÓN
The bodyguard made a gesture to her from the passenger seat and she managed to crouch down as best she could in the back of the car. Then, a rain of bullets began: 36 shots welcomed her as mayor of Manzanillo, Mexico.
Griselda Martínez leaned over the back of a boy sitting next to her. Their lives depended on the boy staying calm. “If he gets desperate and gets up,” Martínez thought, “they will kill us both.” The bodyguard shot at one of the two attacking motorcycles. He was hit in the face, but he also managed to hit the shooter. The driver also opened fire, before the motorcycles fled.
It was June 2019 and Martínez had only been mayor for seven months in the main port city along the Mexican Pacific, the gateway to Asia for almost a century. Tons of food, clothing and car parts pass through the port every day. And, for more than a decade, so have the precursors that arrive from China. In April, the Mexican Navy discovered 11,500 bottles of tequila that actually contained almost 10 tons of the liquids that have turned Manzanillo into a tinderbox.
The mayor is a petite woman. Before the interview, two bodyguards appear. Then, four more. The 55-year-old has 15 in total. They have accompanied her since the assassination attempt. During all this time, she has not set foot in her house. First, she spent a year sleeping in a Navy barracks. Then, two more at the City Hall. Since 2022, she has lived in another municipal building.
![Griselda Martínez Martínez, Municipal President of Manzanillo, Colima, Mexico.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/4mSDVW9imQBMixz6Vcg39jtYSmY=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/JLMGZXE6ZJBR3AUJ4P63OCI5A4.JPG)
Griselda Martínez Martínez, Municipal President of Manzanillo, Colima, Mexico.Roberto Antillón
When Martínez became mayor, the police department was infiltrated to the bone by the two criminal groups that control the area: [the Sinaloa Cartel](https://english.elpais.com/opinion/2023-12-13/the-death-of-el-chapo-guzmans-mother-the-end-of-an-era.html) and the Jalisco New Generation Cartel, the two most powerful mafias in Mexico. The two operate as multinational crime syndicates, with structures that go from the top to the bottom: their brand is printed on the small bags of cocaine or meth that the dealers sell. The Sinaloa logo is an apple. The one from Jalisco is the groups initials: CJNG.
When she came into office, Martínez fired more than 200 police officers out of a total of 300. The agents had even been killing each other, because each one worked for a different side. Navy Captain Fernando Winfield — head of the police — remembers that, a couple of years ago, he arrived with his men to a house where a murder had been reported. Upon entering the living room, the deceased was seated with a bullet in his head. He was one of his former agents. The pressure put on new ones is difficult to bear: the mafias offer them money, look them up on Facebook and threaten them.
The chain that links corruption in the port, the entry of chemical precursors and violence has even been recognized by the president of Mexico himself. “Were going to clean up the ports and customs in the country,” Andrés Manuel López Obrador promised, in the summer of 2020 from Manzanillo. He ordered that the job of securing the ports be handed over to the military. In the last two years, four customs officials have been killed in the Port of Manzanillo.
The Navy declined to provide information or access to the port for this report. The mayor explained that, within the facilities, there are traffic lights that mark which containers are inspected and which are not. “Its random, a matter of luck.” All these factors combined make detecting these products — which come in quantities that often dont exceed a few liters — seem like finding a drop of oil in an ocean.
With 160,000 inhabitants, Manzanillo was, until not so long ago, the quiet fishing town where Bo Derek filmed the movie *10*, in which she played the perfect woman at the end of the 1970s. Those golden times are over, although tourism — mainly Mexican — still visits the hotels, which are a little worn out. The city is within one of the smallest and least-populated states in the country. It used to be sold abroad with the slogan: “Colima, the place where nothing happens.”
But then, things started happening. In 2010, former governor Silverio Cavazos was shot to death outside his house. The importance of the port — with the expansion of chemical drugs, its placement along the route to the north through the Pacific Passage and the fact that it is surrounded by Jalisco and Michoacán, two states dominated by organized crime — have pushed it to its limit. For years, Colima has usually topped lists of the most violent territories in Mexico. In 2022, it repeated its ranking as the place with the highest homicide rate in the country, which reached its historic record in 2019. Since then, the numbers have only decreased slightly. There are almost 100 violent deaths a day in Mexico.
### **5\.** Export: the law of the border
![La exportación: la ley de la frontera](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/uVyvkJyPI2VpCoFfZQZ77i10ChE=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/BC3GTUKGZFENHPBTJHPCHWP4FA.jpg)
The road between Sonora and Arizona, one of the major border crossing points. HÉCTOR GUERRERO
Pedro, 32, is sitting in a plastic chair in a hardware store in Culiacán. Hes from the state of Durango. His real name is not Pedro and he doesnt want his true identity to appear in the press, either.
A little over a year ago, he began “exporting” fentanyl pills to the United States. However, after the violent arrest of El Chapos youngest son and his subsequent [extradition to the United States in September](https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-09-16/ovidio-guzman-son-of-el-chapo-extradited-to-the-us-to-face-justice.html), he is heeding Los Chapitos order to slow down. As a result, hes back to marijuana and meth. Better not to risk it. “Right now, if people here catch you with fentanyl, youre going to get screwed. You, your mom, your cousin, theyll kill them all. Even the dogs will get killed.”
He says that, before the break, he moved a million pills a month with his partners. Always the blue ones: “the *chingonas*.” They bought them for $2 “from a comrade here” and sold them for $15 to “another ***pocho*** comrade there.” There being New York. Deducting expenses, he calculates that he gets $5 from each pill thats distributed, removing the “large part” that the *pleba* (Los Chapitos) take. The biggest expense, however, is transportation. “Los Angeles, Kansas, New York. The higher you go, the more expensive.”
- Pocho
- Americans of Mexican descent.
The fentanyl that enters the United States from Mexico comes in powder or, increasingly, in the form of fake pills, which are camouflaged as commercial brands such as Xanax, Vicodin or OxyContin. Drug traffickers press them with machines that they also buy from China. The street price of one of Pedros pills is around $20 in New York.
The trafficker makes it clear that the most difficult thing is to cross the border. According to U.S. authorities, more than 90% of fentanyl enters the country via official ports of entry, hidden in private vehicles or cargo trucks. In 2018 — according to data from Customs and Border Protection (CBP) — 600 kilos of the substance were intercepted. In 2022, the amount rose to 7,200 kilos. Two milligrams are enough to kill a person.
Pedro uses big trailers, or “worms,” as he calls them. He says that he doesnt know where exactly the drivers hide the drugs, but that the best thing is to take the truck when its loaded “with food, cans of beans, chili, or car parts.” The goods are thus better disguised when going through X-rays, the use of which the Biden administration is promoting. Hes proud, because, as he assures EL PAÍS, the border patrol has never caught one of his people.
The cartel takes advantage of the holes in the border. It also pays hefty bribes to the authorities. One of the charges against El Chapos son details how, to guarantee a shipment, he organized a bribery network from Culiacán to Tijuana. That was Pedros route, along the Pacific corridor. “Just from here to the border,” he clarifies, “you spend about $30,000 in pure bribes between the police, the military and the Attorney Generals Office. In the United States, if they catch you, you go to jail, but here, in Mexico, you can settle it with a fine.”
There are different rates. You dont pay the same to pass a checkpoint (without being checked) as the amount you have to pay in case someone is detained. “\[In that case\], theyre going to take $200,000 or $300,000 from you. Thats business,” he shrugs, like someone detailing the rules of a board game.
Once the shipment has passed, theres another delicate moment. In one of the accusations against Guzmán, its described how two of his men had to move more than 20 kilos of fentanyl that they had stored in a hotel room in Los Angeles. The staff smelled something strange, so they ended up burying the merchandise in the backyard of a house. “What happens,” explains Pedro, “is that, sometimes, you arrive in Los Angeles and you have to change trucks to continue. So, you have to hide it in an office and wait.”
The most common locations for “offices” — according to Guzmáns summary — are southern California, El Paso, Texas, and Phoenix, Arizona. From there, the cartels American distribution network enters the scene. “The *pochos* are the ones who have contact with the *güeros*,” says Pedro. “They sell wholesale, they have their clients, their dealers. Whites, Blacks, Puerto Ricans… you get me?”
### **6\.** The dealers: supply and demand
![Los camellos: la oferta y la demanda](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/QGUzLV2Zzu2sUzXpFWCTxxezI_M=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/HIJ7UXCLXJGXBIFWKTKX6Q4BEQ.jpg)
Several doses of fentanyl of varying origins and identification at a consumer camp in an area near the railroad tracks in Kensington, Philadelphia. CARLOS ROSILLO
Until very recently, MAC was one of the last links in this supply chain. Hes a small-time dealer who asks that his initials be used and that the location of his interview with EL PAÍS not be revealed.
He sold fentanyl in Santa Cruz, 75 miles from San Francisco. “I bought it from Hondurans in the Tenderloin, or in Oakland,” he clarifies. “They control the market there. I got an ounce (28.34 grams) for $400. Then, I sold each gram in Santa Cruz for $50. Also, 100 milligrams for $10, or a quarter for $20. It was a big business. I used to make 1,500 bucks a day.”
MAC says he himself ended up hooked on fentanyl after being prescribed OxyContin after surgery. The bulky man lost his job and became a dealer. Thats when, he says, his hell began. “Every week, I got into fights and there were a lot of robberies. Overdoses were the order of the day. Many people died. I carried Narcan myself. I sold, but I also tried to save lives.”
At the time of the interview, MAC had been trying to detox for two weeks, tired of a lifestyle that will either send him to prison, or end up killing him. “Fetty” — as its known in street slang — is an extremely dangerous drug when handled: accidental ingestion can be fatal. “In my opinion, that makes business easier,” MAC says. “The cocaine or methamphetamine market is controlled by cartels that find fentanyl very dangerous. If youre willing to take the risk, its easy money.”
![MAC, a fentanyl dealer and trafficker in Santa Cruz (California).](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/xqAakCW2LgNOae3Vu44S71-URho=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/GW5EOAU3WRF3ZHVFIPDNVDUMSA.jpg)
MAC, a fentanyl dealer and trafficker in Santa Cruz (California). Carlos Rosillo
On the streets, sellers like MAC borrow names from commercial brands or cultural references for their stationery — such as “Mini,” “Scooby Doo,” or “Fortnite” — to make their offer more attractive.
Its not that fentanyl needs much help selling, warns journalist Sam Quinones, author of the book ***The Least of Us*** (2021). In it, Quinones reconstructs how the drug arrived and how it spread throughout the United States. “It entered around 2014 through the Midwest, then it came by mail from China. In just a few years, the plague spread throughout the country,” he clarifies, in a telephone interview with EL PAÍS.
- The Least of Us
- Perhaps the most comprehensive history of the current crisis.
The isolation of the pandemic — fatal for addicts in the process of recovery — and the epidemic of mental health problems that came with it contributed to triggering consumption. Between 2019 and 2022, overdose deaths grew by 99.8%, reaching 107,888.
In his book — which covers the epidemic up until mid-2021 — Quinones says that traffickers soon began to deal in fentanyl, which is much cheaper compared to other substances, such as cocaine, ecstasy, or even synthetic marijuana. “This is how thousands of people — those who didnt die from an accidental overdose — ended up hooked on something they didnt even know they were taking,” he explains. It wasnt just a matter of earning more, but of increasing demand by manipulating supply. Thats one of the most pressing parts of the problem right now. And not only in the United States: in cities across Mexico, traces of the opiate have already begun to be found in substances tested at parties. At the moment, in Europe — where the authorities are closely monitoring the situation — the problem still isnt as worrying.
For Quinones, one of the most unexpected consequences is the influence of this crisis on the recreational use of other drugs. In New York City, casual users go out partying with test strips — which cost a dollar, or are handed out for free and are legal in about 20 states — to detect the presence of fentanyl in the other drugs that they take. For their defenders, these strips are to this opioid epidemic what condoms were to the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. As then, many people simply prefer not to take a risk.
### **7\.** Chemistry: the stronger the high, the bigger the hook
![La química: mayor subidón, más enganche](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/PYXEQIw8H2aXMY8sc4kSc2uRooI=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/NVHABHLWEJE7VJ2XNZGDCWWJWY.jpg)
Joseph, a regular user of fentanyl in San Francisco, shows off a rock of approximately half-a-gram of the substance. CARLOS ROSILLO
When it was patented for intravenous administration in 1959, fentanyl changed surgery forever. For many years, aware of its enormous power, Janssen — the inventor — only allowed its controlled distribution to anesthesiologists, a profession in which the first cases of addiction were recorded. It was like opening the gates to the field: at the end of the 1960s, there were already numerous variants with similar effects.
It was difficult for organized crime to find out about its existence, but when it did, it quickly learned to take advantage of the value of fentanyl as a drug from consumption on the streets — a drug that was more powerful, cheaper, more addictive… and also more lethal. So much so that the U.S. Department of Justice has identified several cases of inexperienced “cooks” who have died in Mexico, poisoned by vapors from precursors.
“Its important to emphasize that, even today, its a good and useful analgesic from a medical point of view, for complex operations, or for terminally ill cancer patients,” says Lawrence Kwan, a professor at Stanford University and chief medical officer for [St. Anthonys Foundation](https://www.stanthonysf.org/#:~:text=Founded%20in%201950%2C%20St.,our%20doors%20joins%20the%20St.) Medical Clinic, an addiction treatment institution in San Francisco. “The problem is when its consumed uncontrollably.”
Fentanyls status as a valuable medical tool makes it difficult to combat: it simply cannot be made illegal. Its not so easy to criminalize precursors, either: many of them are used in the manufacturing of cleaning products or commonly-used medications, such as ibuprofen.
Like any opioid, fentanyl creates anxiety and addiction; it just does so much more quickly. It only takes a few shots to get hooked. Overdoses are also more frequent.
In an interview with EL PAÍS, Julián — a 27-year-old addict, who is trying to get out of the hole in a rehabilitation center two hours from San Francisco — says that he has survived three overdoses. His brother didnt have the same luck. That flirtation with death is a very common experience among fentanyl users.
Paradoxically, its a less destructive drug than others, such as meth. It has no consequences on vital organs such as the heart. Kwan says that at a cardiology conference he attended recently, he heard that “access to heart donors has improved as a sad side effect of the rise in opioid overdoses.” They werent lying: a study published in July 2021 by the American Heart Association confirms that the number of transplants has increased with overdose deaths.
With fentanyl, the classic dealers dilemma also arises: how to cut it without losing its strength? And new questions are asked: whats the limit of purity that can be reached to encourage addiction, without destroying the clientele?
Before shipping the merchandise to the United States, Mexican drug traffickers seek answers to these questions on the streets, based on experiments that are detailed in documents from the U.S. Department of Justice. Miguel — the chemist who didnt finish high school — recounts one such experiment. He says that once, one of the addicts took too much without realizing it. “Boom, he fell flat. Another guy went over and put salt in his mouth. And then, he was complaining: Why did you wake me up?’”
In the open field next to the train tracks in Culiacán, where Miguel says he carried out his experiments, they also remember. “Sometimes people come asking, they want to get high for free,” says María, a regular, before smoking a pipe with methamphetamine. Amid the remains of clothes and syringes on the floor, she says she doesnt even want to see fentanyl: “That shit kills you.”
### **8\.** Harm-reduction: panic in the needle district
![La reducción de daños: pánico en el barrio de las agujas](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/pLKHbuqEReFfKPrlWwNZ1_QpkVc=/arc-anglerfish-eu-central-1-prod-prisa/public/QOZPEMIYIVDEJFJPDM3SDLXKL4.jpg)
Used syringes collected by drug addicts are then given to organizations such as Prevention Point in exchange for new ones. CARLOS ROSILLO
From his office in the White House, [Rahul Gupta — Joe Bidens anti-drug czar —](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-12-12/bidens-drug-czar-we-need-china-to-be-more-aggressive-against-fentanyl.html) directs Washingtons efforts to solve a currently unsolvable puzzle. Hes the first medical doctor to hold the position in the half-a-century that the War on Drugs has lasted. Hes pursuing familiar progressive “harm-reduction” policies in his role. In an interview with EL PAÍS, he details the three main points of this program, which is being implemented for the first time: “make Narcan widely available — [since March, it can be purchased without a prescription](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-03-29/fda-approves-over-the-counter-narcan-heres-what-it-means.html) — distribute syringes that prevent the spread of contagious diseases, and provide strips to detect substances such as fentanyl or **xylazine** in cocaine or ecstasy.”
- Xylazine
- An animal anesthetic they call “Tranq” or “the zombie drug.”
[Xylazine is Guptas latest and most pressing concern.](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-07-12/the-white-house-declares-war-on-xylazine-the-zombie-drug-linked-to-spike-in-fentanyl-overdoses.html) Consumers mix it because it lengthens and deepens the effect of fentanyl, by slowing down the heart rate, blood pressure and breathing. Since its not an opioid, it doesnt respond to naloxone, which is why its already involved in 90% of the 1,413 overdose deaths recorded last year in Philadelphia. Not only that: forensic specialists have already detected it in corpses in all 50 states.
![Panoramic view from an elevated bridge over the Kensington tracks at Allegheny Station in Philadelphia.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/JXXz8qmZ89RTJ7PGoCLMGXrYtQ0=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/TLIEDQK2IFGEVP3Z23REHCJNXA.jpg)
Panoramic view from an elevated bridge over the Kensington tracks at Allegheny Station in Philadelphia.Carlos Rosillo
The size of the needles is at the center of the debate in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia. A brick building houses the headquarters of an organization called Prevention Point. In this place — where workers prevent journalists from entering — addicts can take a break when the cold hits and change their used syringes. Kevin Bernard — the chaplain of [The Rock, a Catholic center](https://www.therockphilly.org/) whose life is organized around a boxing gym (after all, this is the city of *Rocky*) — says that, because of this policy, the sidewalks “are flooded with needles.” “Stepping around them, people walk their dogs, children go to school. What those people do is a disgrace for Kensington,” he declares.
![Daniel eats lunch outside Prevention Point, a center that gives out Narcan, needles and food to drug addicts.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/dAVu-x5XJBk8cexJ53bfb5n0LG0=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/FC2HBYBW6BFE5NCQH6IK2AIJ3U.jpg)
Daniel eats lunch outside Prevention Point, a center that gives out Narcan, needles and food to drug addicts.Carlos Rosillo
Bernard is a big man with a broken nose. A former boxer and a former police officer, hes been here all his life — he knows the neighborhood like no one else. Once or twice a week, he guides an old van full of volunteers dressed in yellow vests. They talk to the users and, if anyone is encouraged, they put them in the vehicle and take them to their center, or refer them to places like [Philly House, the oldest homeless shelter in Philadelphia](https://www.phillyhouse.org/). The president of the shelter, Phil Montgomery, explains that they have 240 beds. “From here, we divert them to specialized detox centers,” he notes.
![Kevin Bernard, a former boxer and volunteer who walks the streets of Kensington helping people with addictions, poses at The Rock, a faith-based organization in Philadelphia.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/lvgSAwpPoekHKE_DRb3KQAhD7pQ=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/TSRFNQ2SJZDH3FZ24GRP52O45Y.jpg)
Kevin Bernard, a former boxer and volunteer who walks the streets of Kensington helping people with addictions, poses at The Rock, a faith-based organization in Philadelphia.Carlos Rosillo
In a location adjacent to The Rock, police officers from all over the country come to learn about how to detect when a person is under the influence of fentanyl. In exchange for some food, volunteers like 36-year-old Keith — who has been in Kensington for the last four years and lost a leg on these streets — undergo tests for about an hour, from having their pupils measured, to trying to walk in a straight line.
On the street, police arent used against consumption. “Im an advocate for harm-reduction policies and I overcame my own addiction, but this is just too much,” sighs Brooke Feldman, a drug reform activist. He stands next to the train tracks, in what remains of a tent colony. “Seeing how they shoot up in front of an agent, I dont know… This has to do with human behavior. If they dont encourage you to change, you dont change. The \[permissive environment\] isnt good for anyone.”
![Keith, 36, voluntarily submits himself to drug testing at a store in downtown Kensington.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/HoX1uE2Z92Te_v1GymgmJW57y0I=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/WYFYZKUCJJARNHG3CYSCUHDJMU.jpg)
Keith, 36, voluntarily submits himself to drug testing at a store in downtown Kensington.Carlos Rosillo
Feldman goes out on patrol with Ronnie Kayser, who founded a womens organization that helps addicts — [Angels In Motion (AIM)](https://aimangelsinmotion.org/) — after losing a brother to an overdose. Theyre joined by Mary Lou Toewe, whos part of the board of directors of AIM and the mother of a boy who “has been on and off drugs for years.” They drive a car loaded with water and some bags of food that they distribute to addicts. They also carry an ointment for wounds caused by xylazine, which, when injected, causes bruises, makes the flesh necrotic and ends up leaving holes through which, in some cases, bone appears.
![Ronnie Kayser treats the skin wounds of a fentanyl addict in Kensington, Philadelphia.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/6r8_7Z-v42E7F30h-lW0RuwV2bs=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/W2D7R76XIND67ESG4POH24EOVM.jpg)
Ronnie Kayser treats the skin wounds of a fentanyl addict in Kensington, Philadelphia.Carlos Rosillo
Detractors of harm-reduction policies — which can include the distribution of free tents to addicts — warn that these measures can act as magnets for addicts, who move to places such as the Tenderloin district or the Kensington neighborhood, so they can live their lives without problems. In San Francisco, Gina McDonald — a mother of one — explains that her daughter Sam preferred to exchange “the comforts of the family home” for the Tenderloin. “I didnt allow her to take drugs in her room. In the area where we live, you cannot put up a tent, you cannot buy on the street. They would arrest her. In the Tenderloin, she can do whatever she wants.”
![John Quinones runs a store selling second-hand goods and gold. He has been working in the store for 45 years and has witnessed the decline of the surrounding streets in recent years.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/YuezRmXaoiY3OiCJ_-vQDyNhJU8=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/NWRSPPQN6FBD7NFPN4AYSXUOFY.jpg)
John Quinones runs a store selling second-hand goods and gold. He has been working in the store for 45 years and has witnessed the decline of the surrounding streets in recent years.Carlos Rosillo
In Philadelphia, the big question is what the recent election of Democrat Cherelle Parker — the first female mayor in the citys history — will mean. She campaigned on a tough-on-crime message, promising to ask the National Guard for help. Everything indicates that, in an election year, the cultural war between Democrats and Republicans will intensify even further on the fentanyl front. Conservatives blame the problem on the management of liberal cities and the calls to defund the police that followed the murder of George Floyd in 2020.
### **9\.** The political fight: “This is a war. Do something!”
![La pelea política: “¡Es una guerra: hagan algo!”](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/LLrcQhRgnpJaWLMWn7GQCwYe774=/arc-anglerfish-eu-central-1-prod-prisa/public/H67GBIFO2VAYLJILBHSKLF6X54.jpg)
Andres Manuel López Obrador and Joe Biden at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperative summit. EFE
Michelle Leopold found out about her son Trevors death through social media. She knew that he used to smoke marijuana, but not that he took fentanyl. Everything indicates that he didnt know it, either.
That night, Trevor and two friends bought four 30-milligram oxycodone pills and took them in his dorm room. Only one of them contained a fatal dose. According to the coroner, Trevor died a few minutes after consuming that pill. Hence, the friend who slept beside him that night did so next to a dead body.
Since November 17, 2019, his mother has turned her sons room in Marin City — 20 minutes from San Francisco by car — into the operations center of her fight against fentanyl. Next to the bed where he used to sleep, theres a photograph of the boys smiling face, with an accompanying text that reads: “Trevor Leopold, 18-years-old, victim of a homicide induced by fentanyl poisoning.”
Cases like Trevors have permeated American public opinion, thanks to the testimony of mothers such as pro-life advocate Rebecca Kiessling, who testified before Congress in February. She lost two of her children in 2020 to an accidental overdose of fentanyl, which she said “came across the Southern border.” “This is a war. Act like it. Do something!” she demanded of the congresspeople.
![Michelle Leopold holds a photo of her son Trevor in the room where he used to sleep in their Marin County, Northern California, home.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/1uFKS0YkwI-WDthUIXMHq1L3LZU=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/VJE4YWORNJEVBDGT4JHQ5NYY7Q.jpg)
Michelle Leopold holds a photo of her son Trevor in the room where he used to sleep in their Marin County, Northern California, home.Carlos Rosillo
Members of the hard-right wing of the Republican Party have asked for the authorization of the use of bombings and [anti-terrorist operations to put an end to Mexican drug trafficking](https://english.elpais.com/usa/2023-10-05/democrats-reject-republican-calls-to-declare-a-war-against-cartels-in-mexico.html), as was done against ISIS. They know that its politically and diplomatically impossible to carry out such a proposal, but fentanyl — which, as Republican candidate for the White House Nikki Haley recalled, has already killed more Americans than the number of U.S. troops who died in the wars in Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq combined — has also become a powerful weapon to inflame voters and attack Biden. They blame his management of the border for the deaths of these young people.
The issue is one of the biggest points of friction in the relationship between Mexico and the United States, especially since China banned its export in 2019 and production was left in the hands of drug traffickers. Mexican President López Obrador has defended himself by criticizing U.S. politicians who demand an invasion or wave the threat of blocking binational funds. He has also put his consular network into operation — the largest in the United States — to convince millions of voters of Mexican descent not to vote for candidates who use such rhetoric.
Until recently, López Obrador didnt even acknowledge that fentanyl was manufactured in his country. He dismissed Mexicos responsibility as a passage from China to the north. He even sent a letter in the spring to his Chinese counterpart, President Xi Jinping, asking for help. The response from the other side of the Pacific was clear: “The United States must handle its own problems.” Meanwhile, the White House — which has created an alliance of 130 countries to fight synthetic drugs (including Mexico, but not China) — is desperately trying to give the impression that it has the crisis under control.
Mexican authorities have dismantled 37 laboratories manufacturing fentanyl pills since López Obrador came to power in 2018. This is according to a statement from March 2023, made by Mexican Secretary of Defense Luis Cresencio Sandoval. Mexico has also defended itself by comparing the seizure figures with respect to the previous six-year term of Enrique Peña Nieto: 7,576 kilos compared to 532. The detail thats omitted is that the crisis was unleashed during the years of this government, not the past one.
### **10\.** The recovery: veterans of the War on Drugs
![La recuperación: veteranos de la guerra contra las drogas](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/Zo8IWxogrVDgcs-KXaBzPmNLYaU=/1960x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/BXAYGA5JMNAW5BNZX27C72XSZI.jpg)
A talk at a rehabilitation center in San Francisco. CARLOS ROSILLO
Morning has broken in front of San Francisco City Hall. Three young women — who have slept in the heat of a sewer — are lying around. Theyre under the effects of the first dose of fentanyl of the day. When one of them regains some lucidity, she explains that her name is Abby, that shes from Oregon, that she studied Fine Arts and that she shaved her hair to get rid of the lice. She doesnt have a phone, she says, but she does have Instagram.
Her account is a story, in pictures, of the fentanyl crisis in the United States. A girl who descended into the abyss of addiction: in 2018, she showed herself to the world as a music lover who liked to skate. Then, she started smoking and growing marijuana. After that came the bad company, the pandemic, the loneliness, the death of her mother, the highs, the bad days and the streets.
Steve Adami spent two decades in and out of jails and prison accused of various drug crimes. When he left, he rebuilt his life, he obtained a masters degree and even received an award for his academic excellence. He now tries to help other people quit drugs. Adami is the Executive Director of The Way Out, a recovery-focused homeless initiative of The Salvation Army San Francisco. He is in favor of harm reduction policies, but believes it is not enough. “If we only distribute syringes and pipes, our neighborhoods will be known for consumption. What message are we sending? Come to San Francisco, here you can get high and commit crimes freely.” He assures that the way out is to motivate those addicts to go to centers like his. “We have increased enrollment in our drug treatment programs by offering two years of free housing to those who complete treatment,” says Adami. “We are giving people hope and helping them reclaim their lives.”
There are an estimated 48 million people who, like Abby, suffer from addictions to some type of substance in the United States — a brutally individualistic country where it often seems that all it takes is one stroke of bad luck to lose everything. According to a study published in August, only one in five fentanyl addicts has access to a prescription for the most effective medications: methadone and, to a greater extent, buprenorphine.
![Abby (in the back) with two friends after taking fentanyl in the heat of a street gutter in the Tenderloin, San Francisco.](https://images.english.elpais.com/resizer/8PZLndMf8mHhTWE3grXUbwmphmE=/414x0/cloudfront-eu-central-1.images.arcpublishing.com/prisa/FYGKNKDEFFEOXKAMUGRQMA4WRQ.jpg)
Abby (in the back) with two friends after taking fentanyl in the heat of a street gutter in the Tenderloin, San Francisco.Carlos Rosillo
Improving access to these medications in a ruthless healthcare system is one of the challenges in facing an enormously complex crisis. According to Carl Hart — a psychologist at Columbia University and one of the worlds leading experts on the use of recreational drugs — adds that another solution is to legalize sites to take substances. He is a defender of responsible consumption. “Accidental overdoses would fall. The authorities mistakenly believe that this can be confused with encouraging consumption, but thats not the case. It would save lives.”
The apostles of drug policy reform feel that the fentanyl crisis has, once again, demonstrated the failure of the War on Drugs, which was launched in 1971 by Richard Nixon. With a famous speech televised from the White House, the president — who ultimately resigned over the Watergate scandal — inaugurated an offensive that, according to some estimates, has cost the United States a trillion dollars. And, while that war was being fought beyond the borders — and while the guerrillas, paramilitaries, gangs, corrupt politicians, police and military personnel continued to enrich themselves with a formidable business — the origins of the worst drug crisis in the countrys history were revealed. It was incubated in the 1990s, at home, within the all-powerful pharmaceutical industry. This was all thanks to a family — [the Sacklers — who have avoided jail by paying billion-dollar fines.](https://english.elpais.com/economy-and-business/2023-12-04/the-supreme-court-wrestles-with-oxycontin-makers-bankruptcy-deal-with-billions-of-dollars-at-stake.html)
On that historic day in 1971, Nixons goal, he said, was to end opium consumption, which had spread among veterans returning from the Vietnam War. He couldnt do it: in 1970, one in every 100,000 Americans died from an overdose, but by 2022 — at the height of the worst drug crisis that the United States has ever known — the figure has multiplied by 30. Meanwhile, the spiral of violence continues in Mexico: since President Felipe Calderón (2006-2012) took the military out of their barracks in 2006 to combat the cartels, murders have increased by more than 300%.
Behind those numbers are the lives that are on hold due to fentanyl. There are the Mexican farmers, who cook drugs in the mountains and do experiments with human guinea pigs. There are the traffickers who get rich, by sending truckloads of beans across the border. There are the mayors, who are threatened with death by the narcos. There are the Chinese businessmen and their precursor factories in Wuhan. And then, there are the dealers, the addicts, the volunteers and the mothers who have lost their children on the frontlines of the opiate war.
### Credits
Coordination: Brenda Valverde Rubio and Guiomar del Ser
Design and art direction: Fernando Hernández
Development: Carlos Muñoz and Alejandro Gallardo
Graphics: Patricia San Juan and Montse Hidalgo
Opening photography: Carlos Rosillo
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