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^button-TessaGourinJackNicholsonsDaughterNSave
 
# Tessa Gourin, Jack Nicholsons Daughter, on Acting and Nepo Baby Discourse
The East Village apartment where 28-year-old [actor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t59-48jGlPc) [Tessa Gourin](https://www.instagram.com/tessadotgourin/?hl=en) lives is an artists dream: stacks of books line the white walls, photos from the set of [Harmony Korine](https://www.thedailybeast.com/spring-breakers-wish-fulfillment-fantasy-or-vacuous-booze-bikini-bullets-fest)s 1995 film *Kids* hang above the cozy blue couch, and [mushroom-shaped ceramics](https://www.instagram.com/mushroomsbytessa/) Gourin learned to make during the pandemic sit on the mantle. In the back is a small art studio where shes working on a painting based on a paparazzi photograph taken of her as an infant, clutched protectively in her mothers arms.
A few things rapidly became clear as I speak to Gourin over the course of an hour. Shes a born entertainer, alarmingly beautiful and restlessly gesticulating in her seat as she fires off references to everyone from painter Otto Dix to playwright John Patrick Shanley to Lindsay Lohan. Shes commanding; you can imagine her powerful speaking voice effortlessly reaching the last row of a Broadway theater. Most of all, shes razor-focused on one longtime goal.
“Ive wanted to act my entire life,” Gourin tells The Daily Beast. “My mom filmed me my whole childhood and its literally me saying, Can I get filmed again? I was performing for everyone and their parents at sleepovers, doing fake *American Idol* and things like that.”
As a kid, when she got obsessed with the musical *Annie*, Gourin begged her mom to buy her a curly wig. Her aunt sewed her a red dress to complete the costume.
“My mom wouldnt let me act when I was younger, and I can respect that, but Im like, Fuck, I would have killed it,’” Gourin says.
And theres no way around it: From her sharply arched eyebrows to the massive, manic grin that splits her face in half, Gourin is the spitting image of her father, Academy Award-winning actor [Jack Nicholson](https://www.thedailybeast.com/jack-nicholson-deserves-a-better-biography-than-this).
As in, the Jack Nicholson who played an alcoholic writer descending into madness in [*The Shining*](https://www.thedailybeast.com/inside-the-shining-sequel-doctor-sleep-a-spooky-as-hell-tribute-to-stanley-kubrick-and-stephen-king)*,* arguably [Stanley Kubrick](https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-secret-photographs-of-stanley-kubrick)s masterpiece. The Jack Nicholson who bellowed his way into the history books as a formidable Marine Corps colonel in [*A Few Good Men*](https://www.thedailybeast.com/a-few-great-men-too-many-aaron-sorkin-doesnt-think-you-can-handle-the-truth). The Jack Nicholson whos such a cornerstone of American cinema, his unmistakable features might as well be carved into Mount Lee next to the [Hollywood sign](https://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2010/04/26/hugh-hefner-saves-lsquohollywoodrsquo-sign).
At one point during our conversation, Gourin burst out laughing and so precisely resembled Nicholson that I felt a visceral jolt of shock.
The actor is known to have fathered at least five children by [four different women](https://news.amomama.com/282858-jack-nicholson-fathers-5-kids-its-claime.html), but he has [never publicly acknowledged](https://www.yourtango.com/entertainment/jack-nicholson-daughter-tessa-gourin-slams-illegitimate-father#:~:text=Jack%20Nicholson's%20daughter%2C%20Tessa%20Gourin,said%20in%20an%20Instagram%20story.) Gourin as his daughter, and he hasnt been present in her life since she was a child. She hasnt spoken to Nicholson in years, she said, and declined to be more specific.
“From a very young age, my mother told me not to tell anyone that I have this famous dad,” Gourin tells The Daily Beast. “I knew he was powerful and Daddy Warbucks-level rich, so I kind of equated my life to being like Orphan Annies.”
But at the peak of the internet-wide conversation about “[nepo babies](https://www.thedailybeast.com/nepo-babies-of-famous-parents-say-they-did-it-their-way-no-one-is-buying-it),” when everyone was gleefully mocking the children of celebrities whove been given every professional opportunity and yet compulsively refuse to acknowledge their advantages, *Newsweek* published an essay written by Gourin with the headline, “[Im Jack Nicholsons Daughter—I Wish People Could Call Me a Nepo Baby.](https://www.newsweek.com/jack-nicholson-daughter-tessa-gourin-nepo-babies-1777724)”
“Having grown up without my father, Ive sat on the sidelines and watched in frustration as other celebrity children have seamlessly secured roles or been signed to huge agencies,” Gourin [wrote](https://www.newsweek.com/jack-nicholson-daughter-tessa-gourin-nepo-babies-1777724) in the piece. “More recently, I have grown even more frustrated at what I think is a missed opportunity for these so-called nepo babies to own their position and embrace it instead of complaining about it.”
Gourin was inspired to write the essay after reading an interview with actress and model Lily-Rose Depp in which the 23-year-old denied benefiting from nepotism. Depp, the daughter of [Johnny Depp](https://www.thedailybeast.com/unsealed-docs-from-johnny-depp-v-amber-heard-defamation-trial-contain-shocking-new-claims) and French singer Vanessa Paradis, [told *Elle*](https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a41894075/0125-0141-an-idol-rising-december-2022/) in November, “Its weird to me to reduce somebody to the idea that theyre only there because its a generational thing. People are going to have preconceived ideas about you or how you got there, and I can definitely say that nothing is going to get you the part except for being right for the part.”
Gourin made it clear that shes a fan of Lily-Rose, despite their different perspectives. “Its such a double-sided thing, because I can also understand the frustration of getting in the door, and then once youre there its like, OK, now show us what you can do,’” Gourin tells The Daily Beast. “But as an actor, thats the most exciting thing to me. Its a driving force to want to prove yourself. This guilty thing over ultimately having a gift is something you should just work out yourself, and put into your work.”
Gourin grew up on Manhattans Upper East Side, in a two-bedroom apartment with her mother, former New York real estate agent Jennine Gourin, and her younger half-brother. Life was hardly luxurious; the family moved every time the rent went up. Her early education was funded by Nicholson: “I went to (and was thrown out of) many prestigious private schools, through his financial help,” [Gourin wrote](https://www.newsweek.com/jack-nicholson-daughter-tessa-gourin-nepo-babies-1777724) in *Newsweek*.
“Look, I was raised by a single mother in a really intense, nuanced situation,” Gourin tells The Daily Beast. “I grew up in private schools, which I am appreciative of, but my home life wasnt great, so I dont feel as though I really even got the full benefit of a good education. I was so all over the place with processing my life. I was acting out. But granted, Im not saying, Poor me, I grew up so poor. I was completely fine. My mother indulged me.”
Like many budding thespians, Gourin relished performing in high school plays. Eventually, though, she grew fearful of encroaching on her fathers hallowed territory or even being blacklisted over their connection, so she stopped acting for a couple of years in her mid-twenties.
“I was afraid people would think I was tacky or that I was riding off his coattails,” she explains. “But this person doesnt want me in his life, so how would you use that to your benefit?”
“My mom wanted me to have a relationship with him, but he said he wasnt interested,” Gourin says. “When youre a child, you dont have a choice where youre going, so if your mom is pushing you on someone whos technically your father and he agrees to see you for anywhere between one hour and a couple of days, thats where youre going to go. I dont know this person very well, well just say that.”
(This is how she [put it](https://www.newsweek.com/jack-nicholson-daughter-tessa-gourin-nepo-babies-1777724) in *Newsweek*: “Have you ever been on a date and sensed that the other person just wasnt feeling it? Thats pretty much how every interaction I have ever had with Jack Nicholson has gone.”)
“I was afraid people would think I was tacky or that I was riding off his coattails. But this person doesnt want me in his life, so how would you use that to your benefit?”
Now, after many hours of therapy spent sorting through the contradictions of her upbringing—a process Gourin says is “very painful” and nowhere near finished—shes finally ready to embrace her calling. She doesnt have an agent or a manager yet, but for the past two years, shes been working with acting teacher [Tony Greco](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337517/news), who also instructed [Philip Seymour Hoffman](https://www.thedailybeast.com/philip-seymour-hoffmans-partner-tells-the-inside-story-of-his-fatal-battle-with-addiction). Notably, [like her father](https://www.yahoo.com/now/jack-nicholson-actually-high-filming-150612771.html#:~:text=Jack%20Nicholson%20is%20a%20self,thought%2C%20word%2C%20and%20deed.), Gourin is a devoted believer in method acting.
“The Method is just something that ended up being what works for me the most,” she says. “A huge reason why Im so drawn to acting is because I have a really complicated life. Because of my life experiences, I have a large amount of conflicting emotions, and acting is a place for me to put those emotions. Method acting is all about examining peoples pathologies and why they do what they do, which is of interest to me.”
“Im also fucking crazy,” she deadpans. “Im not the poster child for sanity, and I do think thats a little similar to my dad, from what Ive read.”
Gourin says shes never had a conversation with her father about their shared passion for acting, but artistically, she harbors zero resentment towards him. “I really want this to come across: If I were to discredit anything about his acting, then that wouldnt make me an artist, because making art and being the worlds greatest dad are not the same thing,” she says.
“If I were to discredit anything about his acting, then that wouldnt make me an artist, because making art and being the worlds greatest dad are not the same thing.”
Instead, Gourin has her sights set on the future. Shes excited about an [upcoming feature](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm11853291/) she acted in thats directed by Kansas Bowling, and shes also writing and starring in a short film of her own that shell work on this summer. “It takes place in a hotel room, and its everything Ive ever wanted to say to my father,” Gourin said.
But shes eager to do much more.
“In terms of the types of roles I would love to play: Jessica Lange in *Frances*, Ellen Burstyn in *Alice Doesnt Live Here Anymore*, Parker Posey in *Party Girl*, Martha Plimpton in *200 Cigarettes*, and Gena Rowlands in literally anything she has ever done,” she says. “I want to work with Darren Aronofsky. I would love to work with Mike White. I would tear *The* *White Lotus*.”
Despite her moms best efforts, the truth about Gourins parentage has always been both an open secret and an inescapable element of her creativity. The fact that her dad is Jack Nicholson has prompted rabid curiosity from everyone from nosy camp counselors—“They used to make me say Heres Johnny, and obviously at 8 years old Id never even seen *The Shining,*” Gourin says—to the adults who supervised her childhood playdates and shamelessly asked how her father was doing.
“People always find out everywhere I go, and Im actually not sure how, because its not what I lead with, ever,” she says. “But if people ask me, Ill always just get into it because Im such an open book and have had to comb through it so much that Im like, Yeah, ask me what you want.’”
Her hard-won vulnerability sometimes comes back to bite her.
“A few years ago I was casually dating this guy who was also an actor, and I opened up to him about the whole situation, specifically about how difficult it was for me growing up,” Gourin recalls. “His response was to start doing a monologue from *The Departed*, in the accent and everything.”
(Reader, I screamed. Nicholson, of course, plays [a psychopathic Irish Mob boss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5AuLTra3t8) in the Boston-based Best Picture winner, directed by Martin Scorsese.)
Fully aware of being invasive, I ask Gourin whether shed ever found out why her father, so omnipresent on billboards and *Batman* T-shirts and TNT reruns, had chosen to be largely absent from her life. She didnt flinch.
“I dont think anyones ever given me a concrete answer,” she says, peering at me calmly, straight brown hair tucked behind her ears. “I formed my own opinion. Hes a complicated person, and I think my mom fights her own demons, and with the combination of the two, I was simply collateral damage.”
“I was dealt a really shitty random card, but Im not gonna let that destroy me,” she continues, her voice slipping into a ringing register I hadnt heard before. “In fact, Im gonna use it to fuel me. I feel like every really good artist, whats at their core, what their ultimate hardships and conflicts are within their lives—thats what drives them, and that just happens to be mine.”
 
 
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@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ But these shrines to excess capital exist in a conditional state of visibility:
As social media has heightened the scrutiny of extraordinary wealth, some of the very people who created those platforms have sought less observable places to spend it. But they occasionally indulge in some coded provocation. In 2006, when the venture capitalist Tom Perkins unveiled his boat in Istanbul, most passersby saw it adorned in colorful flags, but people who could read semaphore were able to make out a message: “Rarely does one have the privilege to witness vulgar ostentation displayed on such a scale.” As a longtime owner told me, “If you dont have some guilt about it, youre a rat.”
Alex Finley, a former C.I.A. officer who has seen yachts proliferate near her home in Barcelona, has weighed the superyacht era and its discontents in writings and on Twitter, using the hashtag #YachtWatch. “To me, the yachts are not just yachts,” she told me. “In Russias case, these are the embodiment of oligarchs helping a dictator destabilize our democracy while utilizing our democracy to their benefit.” But, Finley added, its a mistake to think the toxic symbolism applies only to Russia. “The yachts tell a whole story about a Faustian capitalism—this idea that were ready to sell democracy for short-term profit,” she said. “Theyre registered offshore. They use every loophole that weve put in place for illicit money and tax havens. So they play a role in this battle, writ large, between autocracy and democracy.”
Alex Finley, a former C.I.A. officer who has seen yachts proliferate near her home in Barcelona, has weighed the superyacht era and its discontents in writings and on Twitter, using the hashtag `#YachtWatch`. “To me, the yachts are not just yachts,” she told me. “In Russias case, these are the embodiment of oligarchs helping a dictator destabilize our democracy while utilizing our democracy to their benefit.” But, Finley added, its a mistake to think the toxic symbolism applies only to Russia. “The yachts tell a whole story about a Faustian capitalism—this idea that were ready to sell democracy for short-term profit,” she said. “Theyre registered offshore. They use every loophole that weve put in place for illicit money and tax havens. So they play a role in this battle, writ large, between autocracy and democracy.”
After a morning on the docks at the Palm Beach show, I headed to a more secluded marina nearby, which had been set aside for what an attendant called “the really big hardware.” It felt less like a trade show than like a boutique resort, with a swimming pool and a terrace restaurant. Kevin Merrigan, a relaxed Californian with horn-rimmed glasses and a high forehead pinked by the sun, was waiting for me at the stern of Unbridled, a superyacht with a brilliant blue hull that gave it the feel of a personal cruise ship. He invited me to the bridge deck, where a giant screen showed silent video of dolphins at play.
@ -192,7 +192,7 @@ In 1987, shortly before Khashoggi was indicted for mail fraud and obstruction of
In the age of oversharing, yachts are a final sanctum of secrecy, even for some of the worlds most inveterate talkers. Oprah, after returning from her sojourn with the Obamas, rebuffed questions from reporters. “What happens on the boat stays on the boat,” she said. “We talked, and everybody else did a lot of paddleboarding.”
I interviewed six American superyacht owners at length, and almost all insisted on anonymity or held forth with stupefying blandness. “Great family time,” one said. Another confessed, “Its really hard to talk about it without being ridiculed.” None needed to be reminded of David Geffens misadventure during the early weeks of the pandemic, when he Instagrammed a photo of his yacht in the Grenadines and posted that he was “avoiding the virus” and “hoping everybody is staying safe.” It drew thousands of responses, many marked #EatTheRich, others summoning a range of nautical menaces: “At least the pirates have his location now.”
I interviewed six American superyacht owners at length, and almost all insisted on anonymity or held forth with stupefying blandness. “Great family time,” one said. Another confessed, “Its really hard to talk about it without being ridiculed.” None needed to be reminded of David Geffens misadventure during the early weeks of the pandemic, when he Instagrammed a photo of his yacht in the Grenadines and posted that he was “avoiding the virus” and “hoping everybody is staying safe.” It drew thousands of responses, many marked `#EatTheRich`, others summoning a range of nautical menaces: “At least the pirates have his location now.”
The yachts extend a tradition of seclusion as the ultimate luxury. The Medici, in sixteenth-century Florence, built elevated passageways, or *corridoi*, high over the city to escape what a scholar called the “clash of classes, the randomness, the smells and confusions” of pedestrian life below. More recently, owners of prized town houses in London have headed in the other direction, building three-story basements so vast that their construction can require mining engineers—a trend that researchers in the United Kingdom named “luxified troglodytism.”
@ -236,7 +236,7 @@ We approached the hull, where a bottle of spumante hung from a ribbon in Italian
In the present case, the bottle broke on the second hit, and confetti rained down. As the family crowded around their yacht for photos, I asked Valle, the C.E.O., about the shortage of new boats. “Twenty-six years Ive been in the nautical business—never been like this,” he said. He couldnt hire enough welders and carpenters. “I dont know for how long it will last, but well try to get the profits right now.”
Whatever comes, the white-boat world is preparing to insure future profits, too. In recent years, big builders and brokers have sponsored a rebranding campaign dedicated to “improving the perception of superyachting.” (Among its recommendations: fewer ads with girls in bikinis and high heels.) The goal is partly to defuse #EatTheRich, but mostly it is to soothe skittish buyers. Even the dramatic increase in yacht ownership has not kept up with forecasts of the global growth in billionaires—a disparity that represents the “one dark cloud we can see on the horizon,” as Øino, the naval architect, said during an industry talk in Norway. He warned his colleagues that they needed to reach those “potential yacht owners who, for some reason, have decided not to step up to the plate.”
Whatever comes, the white-boat world is preparing to insure future profits, too. In recent years, big builders and brokers have sponsored a rebranding campaign dedicated to “improving the perception of superyachting.” (Among its recommendations: fewer ads with girls in bikinis and high heels.) The goal is partly to defuse `#EatTheRich`, but mostly it is to soothe skittish buyers. Even the dramatic increase in yacht ownership has not kept up with forecasts of the global growth in billionaires—a disparity that represents the “one dark cloud we can see on the horizon,” as Øino, the naval architect, said during an industry talk in Norway. He warned his colleagues that they needed to reach those “potential yacht owners who, for some reason, have decided not to step up to the plate.”
But, to a certain kind of yacht buyer, even aggressive scrutiny can feel like an advertisement—a reminder that, with enough access and cash, you can ride out almost any storm. In April, weeks after the fugitive Motor Yacht A went silent, it was rediscovered in physical form, buffed to a shine and moored along a creek in the United Arab Emirates. The owner, Melnichenko, had been sanctioned by the E.U., Switzerland, Australia, and the U.K. Yet the Emirates had rejected requests to join those sanctions and had become a favored wartime haven for Russian money. Motor Yacht A was once again arrayed in almost plain sight, like semaphore flags in the wind. ♦

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Link: https://www.curbed.com/2023/02/burning-man-nevada-lawsuit-geothermal-energy.html?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=One%20Great%20Story%20-%20February%207%2C%202023&utm_term=Subscription%20List%20-%20One%20Great%20Story
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Parent:: [[@News|News]]
Read:: [[2023-02-08]]
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```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
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^button-TheBigMOOPatBurningManNSave
 
# The Big MOOP at Burning Man
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/a60/e47/f2eb181fd27bc4eab0faa6210b758eb015-burning-man.rhorizontal.w700.jpg)
Photo: BLM Photo/Alamy Stock Photo
According to Burning Mans 2023 festival [guide](https://burningman.org/event/preparation/leaving-no-trace/), “leaving no trace” is perhaps the most important of the massive psychedelic party citys [Ten Principles](https://burningman.org/about/10-principles/). Following the event, which is constructed and dismantled each year over the span of two weeks in Black Rock, Nevada, participants sweep the four-square-mile area of desert, removing glowsticks, fuel spills, and burn scars — or what Burners call MOOP, Matter Out of Place. “Burners are environmentalists,” the guide states. “Its just our nature.”
But recently, MOOP of a different sort threatens the playa: a proposed geothermal exploration project about ten miles from the dry lake bed where tens of thousands of techno-utopianists and Silicon Valley executives in booty shorts gather each summer. Late last year the Reno-based renewable-energy group Ormat received approval from the Bureau of Land Management for a plan that would [drill up to 19](https://eplanning.blm.gov/public_projects/2016744/200502175/20069049/250075231/Gerlach%20FEA%20DIP%20Letter%2020221021.pdf) “exploratory” holes in desert controlled by the agency, harnessing the Earths heat and perhaps eventually developing [two green power plants](https://www.blm.gov/press-release/bureau-land-management-accepting-pre-scoping-comments-geothermal-project-near-gerlach).
In January, the Burning Man Project along with local residents and two environmental groups [filed a lawsuit](https://dockets.justia.com/docket/nevada/nvdce/3:2023cv00013/160242) in Nevada District Court against the U.S. Department of Interior, the Bureau of Land Management, the agencys Black Rock field office, and individual officials at BLM and the Secretary of Interior. In the complaint, opponents argue the drill sites and access roads Ormat proposed would impact a series of adjacent hot springs, disrupt the arid ecosystem, and prevent residents from enjoying their pristine desert home. In documents filed with the court, Burning Man argued its responsible stewardship of the land and centrality to the regions economic life, pointing out the geothermal project would “threaten the viability” of its various initiatives in the state — initiatives that have made it among the largest operators in the immediate area and spawned hundreds of acres of year-round sites dedicated to preserving the culture of the Burn. “We know this region, its our home base,” said Burning Mans director of government affairs in a statement. “Our interest goes beyond the large-scale event we bring here. Were deeply invested in the community and in creating long-term opportunities for economic development.” .
The festival began in 1986 with a small crowd watching as an eight-foot effigy (the “man” of Burning Man) was set ablaze on a San Francisco beach; today its a cultural institution not unlike Disney, if Disney Adults were into ethical non-monogamy and psilocybin. There are [offshoot Burning Man festivals](https://www.businessinsider.com/burning-man-international-offshoot-festivals-midburn-afrikaburn-photos-2019-8) in Africa and Asia, regional “leadership summits” for Burners, a journal in which attendees ruminate on the festivals “[diaspora](https://journal.burningman.org/2021/10/philosophical-center/tenprinciples/burning-mans-cultural-diaspora/)” and a massive economy of [RV vendors](https://www.blackrockrvrentals.com/) and [private-jet charters](https://www.cnbc.com/2014/08/22/-business-behind-burning-man.html) expressly affiliated with the Nevada event. In Black Rock City, no money exchanges hands and the tenets of radical self-reliance and decommodification reign supreme. A “gifting economy” encourages participants to bring supplies — sunscreen, egg sandwiches, back rubs — which are presented to and traded among revelers. But Burning Man the organization, which has expanded to become a de facto manager of the region as much as the producer of a yearly eight-day rave, exerts significant cash investment and political muscle to further its interests.
The energy project that Burning Man opposes is part of a nationwide effort to build renewable power plants on federally owned land; last year, the Biden administration set goals to reach carbon-free electricity [generation by 2035](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/04/22/fact-sheet-president-biden-sets-2030-greenhouse-gas-pollution-reduction-target-aimed-at-creating-good-paying-union-jobs-and-securing-u-s-leadership-on-clean-energy-technologies/), and a congressional mandate requires the Bureau of Land Management to permit 25 gigawatts of alternative energy production on public lands over the next two years. Over [23,000 acres of land](https://www.blm.gov/programs/energy-and-minerals/renewable-energy/active-renewable-projects) in western states like Utah and New Mexico have been approved for use by renewable-energy companies as of late last year. In this case, the 29 acres Ormat is set to lease happen to be a mile north of Gerlach, Nevada, the gateway through which many of the 80,000 visitors to Burning Man pass through on their way to the annual event.
“People travel to Gerlach to experience the solitude of the vast open spaces and undeveloped vistas present in the Black Rock Desert,” according to the complaint, “as well as to attend numerous events and to pursue a variety of recreation experiences in the undeveloped desert.” The exploratory project — with the drilling, noise, and traffic involved — would be “wholly inconsistent with BMPs \[Burning Man Projects\] and others use and enjoyment of the area.” In response, Ormats lawyers have argued their project is consistent with the law and would “offset some of the copious amounts of fossil fuels the Burning Man Project annually emits in the Black Rock Desert,” a jab at the festivals broader impact on the region — which, despite its Ten Principles, [leaves a fairly sizable trace](https://www.rgj.com/story/opinion/voices/2019/04/18/burning-man-embrace-environmental-protection-black-rock-desert/3501500002/) that the organization says its [working to improve](https://sfstandard.com/arts-culture/what-is-burning-man-culture-community-ceo-marian-goodell/). (Ormat didnt respond to a request for comment on the suit; BLM noted the agency doesnt comment on pending litigation.)
Conservation groups and local communities have vehemently [opposed plans](https://thenevadaindependent.com/article/community-tensions-over-resource-plan-spur-blm-to-hold-more-public-meetings) similar to Ormats for years. Wind, solar, and geothermal projects are land-intensive to varying degrees, bringing large-scale industrial processes to remote and often sparsely populated areas. [(According to the Department of Energy](https://www.energy.gov/eere/geothermal/geothermal-faqs), geothermal projects tend to have a smaller footprint than their peers.) Still, as the sector booms, legal disputes about its impacts are booming alongside them. In the wealthy vacation town of Nantucket, Massachusetts, a retired stock trader and a former member of Donald Trumps transition team are [part of an effort](https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2022/04/21/right-whales-biden/) opposing a local wind-turbine project. Last year, the Center for Biological Diversity and the Fallon Paiute-Shoshone Tribe successfully sued the BLM [over another of Ormats projects](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/05/us/nevada-toad-endangered.html), halting the construction of two Nevada plants when they demonstrated construction would impact the habitat of an endangered toad. The claims can be challenging to parse. And particularly in parts of the West where wilderness tourism and picturesque landscapes have a major economic impact, commercial interests and environmental stewardship can be deeply intertwined. When almost no one wants a renewable-energy project in their backyard, meaningful opposition depends on how convincing of a legal argument an interested party can make. And how much power players have to see through what are often long and expensive lawsuits.
In its nearly four decades of existence, Burning Mans 90s-era gathering of situationist-inspired artists has professionalized to become a “[dusty version of Davos”](https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v36/n14/emily-witt/diary) where Paris Hilton partied and Googles founders [went to find a new CEO](https://www.nbcnews.com/better/careers/what-google-found-burning-man-ceo-art-flow-n723856). The introduction of ticket sales in the early years of the festival required the formation of an LLC — an LLC that organizers intended to dissolve and re-form every year until they realized the practice was “not viewed favorably by the financial community” and made it difficult to run credit cards or rent office space. Burning Man has come to make an enormous amount of money on ticket sales, which it then funnels back into operations which include salaries for full-time employees and millions in yearly fees to municipalities and BLM. In 2020, it [took in $44 million](https://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2020/01/09/burning-man-money-t-tax-documents-black-rock-city-budget/2827709001/) from the festival alone. The implications of all that cash were responsible in part for its most consequential restructuring: In 2011, organizers [formed the Burning Man Project](https://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/28/business/growing-pains-for-burning-man-festival.html), which would oversee the organizations various property-holding entities and provide a structure to expand its reach. “Were scaling to meet the growing demand for tools and resources to reproduce the Burning Man experience outside of Black Rock City” [said one of the festivals co-founders](https://journal.burningman.org/2014/03/news/global-news/burning-man-transitions-to-non-profit-organization/) at the time. Today, the nonprofit oversees four subsidiaries, including Burners Without Borders, a global aid organization, and reports its total assets are around $25 million, [according to most recent tax filings.](https://projects.propublica.org/nonprofits/organizations/452638273) 
As Burning Man has expanded its mission, the autonomous temporary city has infiltrated the full-time town of Gerlach in decidedly permanent ways. A year-round field office employs 20 full-time staff (a not-insignificant portion of the workforce in a town of around 100) and the organization has purchased hundreds of acres of land holdings in the area. It also [owns more than half](https://journal.burningman.org/2022/08/news/official-announcements/building-a-permanent-city/) the commercial property in Gerlach through a series of subsidies, consolidating its year-round position as a local stakeholder. The organization holds a significant enough role in the area that, in 2018, Renos mayor, herself a Burner, [invited representatives of the organization to the U.S. Conference of Mayors,](https://journal.burningman.org/2018/02/news/global-news/putting-the-city-in-black-rock-city-at-the-u-s-conference-of-mayors/) where Burners spoke alongside Karen Pence and Nancy Pelosi.
But Burning Mans relationship to the government isnt always cozy, particularly when  cash-strapped municipalities look to the organization to extract money for infrastructure they say Burning Man has used. Last year, county officials in the area surrounding Black Rock City [discussed adding fees](https://sfist.com/2022/05/05/nevada-county-may-add-an-impact-fee-onto-burning-man-tickets-prices-to-keep-their-roads-maintained/) to the festivals tickets to help maintain a section of rural road, and recently Gerlach raised [the price of the water](https://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2020/01/15/burning-man-2020-gerlach-nevada/2838189001/) it sells to the nonprofit, arguing it would help offset the cost of a new water system the town bought. In the latter instance, Burning Man compilied but registered complaints: Responsibility for high-quality water in the area, a festival representative told the town, should not be the organizations “burden alone.”
Burning Man also pays millions of dollars each year to the Bureau of Land Management, which controls the dry lake bed that Burners transform into a metropolis each year, reimbursing the agency for security services and special permits — in 2016, the agency hired a special [“Burning Man project manager”](https://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2016/01/21/blm-hiring-burning-man-project-manager-must-good-paperwork/79070606/) just to handle the event. The relationship has also been tense at times.
Between 2016 and 2020,  , Burning Man filed a lawsuit and [six appeals](https://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2020/04/29/burning-man-sues-blm-prevent-release-financial-records/3050608001/) arguing the agency chronically overcharged the festival and used the revenue as a piggy bank. Case in point: In 2016, [a number of top BLM agents were reassigned](https://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2016/07/08/burning-man-demands-27m-blm/86491286/) after requesting the festival spend $1.2 million on a VIP area with flushing toilets and ice cream for agency higher-ups. A separate lawsuit [in 2020](https://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2020/04/29/burning-man-sues-blm-prevent-release-financial-records/3050608001/) sought to bar the BLM from handing over Burning Mans financial records to a county official.
Through 2019, as Burning Man planned for a 2020 festival that would never come to pass, BLM prepared an environmental report based on organizers requests to expand the event from 80,000 attendees to 100,000. Among other things, the agency recommended random drug screenings, concrete barriers set around the festivals boundaries, and dumpsters to collect trash. The Burners rebelled. Burning Man [hired the powerful Washington, D.C.](https://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2019/06/26/burning-man-hires-lobbying-firm-ex-donald-trump-campaigner-deal-blm-holland-knight-permit-black-rock/1572601001/), legal and lobbying firm Holland & Knight to combat the BLM. The firms head of regulation and Scott Mason, who worked on Donald Trumps presidential campaign, were listed on the account. At a raucous public hearing related to the new regulations, festival attendees slammed the agency: “We dont need you, we really dont,” said one, [according to the Reno *Gazette-Journal*](https://www.heraldmailmedia.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2019/04/09/burning-man-blm-meeting-full-eyerolls-frustrations/3408505002/). (At the following years festival, there were no trash cans, screenings, [or barriers around the site](https://journal.burningman.org/2019/06/news/brc-news/the-final-environmental-impact-statement/) — an agreement eventually reached by the festival and the agency.)
In recent decades, Burning Man has primarily wielded its influence to target policies related to its festival operations: steep fees reimbursed to BLM or the county for police services, for instance, in the organizations yearly autonomous zone. With the most recent lawsuit against Ormat, though, Burning Man is positioning itself as a year-round steward of the acres of desert surrounding the dry lake bed in which it sets up camp for eight days every year. The project would impact land that is “important to BMPs future plans and will also boost the local economy through tourism revenue,” the organization writes.
The renewable-energy projects mandated by the federal government will need to happen somewhere — the question is what constitutes reasonable opposition to the siting, and whose version of environmental stewardship will prevail. Its true that the Ormat project might disrupt the lives of the 100 or so people who live in the area full time, and the people who visit the Black Rock Desert during the other 11 months of the year. “Ormats Exploration Project will lay the foundation for turning a unique, visually pristine ecosystem of environmental, historical, and cultural significance into an industrial zone, and permanently alter the landscape,” the complainants write. But if Burning Man prevails, that future may fall to other pristine communities, which may not have the resources to make the argument that their land is uniquely significant because a global technofuturist community has made it their yearly tourism pilgrimage and spiritual home.
The Big MOOP at Burning Man
 
 
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# The Curious Case of Ketron Island
![Cinnamon Janzer (she/her)](https://i0.wp.com/sundaylongread.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Janzer_headshot_1-copy.jpg?ssl=1)
Cinnamon Janzer (she/her)
Cinnamon Janzer is a Minneapolis-based freelance journalist and copywriter. Her work is dedicated to covering lesser-told stories from across middle America, specializing in analytical, “second-day” reporting. She regularly publishes with a number of outlets including Al Jazeera, The Guardian, National Geographic, Conde Nast Traveler, Food & Wine, Next City, The Minnesota Reformer, and more. Cinnamon speaks English and Spanish.
Bob Barrett was *not* going to Vietnam. 
Instead, like the thousands of other Americans who objected to the war but couldnt avoid the draft, he went to jail. During the 13 months and 9 days served of his 18-month sentence on Washington States McNeil Island, he gazed across Puget Sound at orca pods meandering between two nearby islands, Anderson and Ketron.
After his release, the one-time Berkeley student remained in his home state and, years later, began working as a bus driver for Tacomas Pierce County Transit, spending layovers between bus trips walking the railroad tracks on the edge of the small coastal town of Steilacoom and looking out over the water at the same islands he had peered at from prison, this time from the other side.
Bob was intrigued by Ketron Island and the one house he could see peeking out from the trees along its jagged cliffs. But when he asked his passengers about it, no one seemed to know anything about the island just a half a mile from shore. So, one hot summer day in 1992, decades after his curiosity was first piqued, he decided to see for himself, jumping in the chilly Sound for a swim. Forty-five minutes later he was on Ketrons shores, surrounded by piles of greige driftwood stacked on the islands rocky sands and purple foxglove that peeked out from the rugged ground underneath a canopy of firs, cedars, and poplars.
A couple of introductions and many thousands of dollars later, Bob, now a 79-year-old gray-haired vegan who could easily pass for a decade younger, and his wife Kathy became owners of a house on the island. By the following spring, they and their daughters were living on Ketron full time.
The Barretts were part of a wave of settlement of Ketron in the 1990s, a changing of the guard from one generation of islanders to the next. Each of the 20 or so inhabitants who call Ketron home today moved there for their own reasons and in their own way, although, unlike Bob, mostly by watercraft. Yet, their raisons dêtre are as unique as they are similar. They were drawn to the seclusion of the private island thats nothing like the tropical paradises evoked by notions of private islands in the collective American imagination.
![](https://i0.wp.com/sundaylongread.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/083122_SundayLongRead_KetronIsland_JovelleTamayo_008.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&ssl=1)
A view of Ketron Island, Wash., on Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2022. *Jovelle Tamayo for Sunday Long Read*
The roughly [230-acre island extends 1.4 miles across](https://www.piercecountywa.gov/AgendaCenter/ViewFile/Item/847?fileID=1053) and is encircled by three miles of shoreline made largely inaccessible by steep, wooded cliffs. Its skies are alive with bald eagles, kingfishers, and cormorants while its shores are home to harbor seals and its flora feeds deer and raccoons. Public ferry service thats become intermittent at best through the years renders Ketron secluded despite its proximity to the mainland.
As a result, unlike other private islands, Ketron has spoken to rugged individualists with a knack for doing things their own way rather than affluent financiers looking to surround themselves with luscious solitude. Its hard to know if there are any other islands truly like it — Bob, a conscientious objector, has lived for years cheek by jowl with Ron, an intelligence-gathering fiend who excitedly launched a military career in Vietnam. Ketrons future is unclear, as aging residents like the Barretts spend an increasing amount of time at their apartment on the mainland and homes slowly turn over to new generations whose intents and ambitions will reshape the island anew. Ketron could see something of a modern renaissance as it becomes home to a new coterie of deeply-connected-yet-entirely-disparate residents whose desire for a life unlike any other will lead to ingenious spins on semi-communal living that the rest of us could never envision. It could also dissolve into a tiny home enclave thats only sparsely inhabited on holidays and the occasional long weekend. 
Regardless of what the next incarnation of Ketron will look like, over recent decades it has been a practically sovereign, home-rule oasis of islanders own making. Ketrons seclusion has presented its residents with an array of challenges, like preventing fires during the dry summer months, but also with unique opportunities, like operating their own company to manage the islands water—both an administrative hassle and a rare security as [water systems privatize](https://prospect.org/environment/privatizing-our-public-water-supply/) across the rest of the county.  
But one persons under-the-radar sanctuary is often anothers chance for lawless malfeasance. The same laissez faire lifestyle that draws those who prefer the freedom of the fringes of society also speaks to schemers with dollar signs in their eyes and few inhibitions about how to attain them.
#### An Island of Broken Dreams
Ketron Island — part of the [Steilacoom peoples territory](https://www.historylink.org/file/20675) until the [first wagons lumbered across the Oregon Trail](https://www.historylink.org/file/5053#:~:text=After%20more%20hard%20traveling%20and,wagon%20road%20was%20soon%20established.) in the early 1850s — was named for William Kittson, an employee of a Canadian fur trading business. The spelling of his name was botched by cartographers and, from a mistake arose modern-day Ketron Island.
Modern activity on the island was scant until J.C. Morris, a prolific Alaskan developer in search of a beachfront retirement home, purchased it in 1946. By 1956, Morris had both a sprawling 5,310-square-foot, mid-century modern gem of a home in the [style of Frank Lloyd Wright](https://www.thenewstribune.com/news/business/article27091348.html) and a multi-million dollar plan to develop the island into a province of 400 suburban-style homes.
Advertising low property taxes and fuel and construction costs, a pamphlet touting the community Morris envisioned offered a “lifelong package of pleasure, relaxation, recreation, and privacy.” His vision included a shopping center, churches, schools, a library, horse riding trails, a golf practice course, and numerous other amenities.
Sandy Ballinger saw Morriss vision up close. In the late 60s, she, her husband, and their 5-week-old daughter Pam came to Ketron in search of a weekend cabin. “They had all these lots. Everything was planned. There was Morris Boulevard,” — still the islands main road — “and a marina. Downstairs from the marina there was a clubhouse.” There was a little store and a gas pump too, garbage and fire trucks, and a ferry that would come bearing newspapers.  Two of Sandys favorite memories from the early days were walking all the way around the island in about an hour and a half during low tide and cutting down fresh Christmas trees from the uninhabited lots.
But beyond the earliest stages, little of Morriss dream materialized, beginning what led Pam, now a [University of Michigan history professor](https://lsa.umich.edu/history/people/faculty/pballing.html), to dub Ketron her “[island of broken dreams](https://www.seattletimes.com/opinion/ketron-my-island-of-broken-dreams/)” decades later. 
When J.C. Morris [died in 1967](http://alaskaobits.org/obituaries/view.php/J-C-Morris/id/1072), his son Donald took over his dads business affairs, but didnt seem to share his fathers interest in the island. Over the course of the following decade, the younger Morriss island ventures went belly up and Gary Lundgren, an investor also from Alaska, became the de facto owner of the vast majority of island property. As Lundgren family lore has it, this was thanks to an original investment in the elder Morriss vision by Lundgrens father back in their Alaska days.
By 1980, Lundgren had established [Ketron Island Enterprises, Inc.](https://opengovus.com/washington-corporation/601118849) to manage his new assets and assumed control of, among other things, the [islands sewer and water systems](https://caselaw.findlaw.com/wa-court-of-appeals/1409336.html). But unlike J.C. Morris, Lundgren was mostly detached from the island. Eventually, after years of neglect, the sewer system sprung a leak and sewage began spilling into the Sound. In [late 1988](https://www.leagle.com/decision/19991919971p2d94811883), Lundgren informed the states Department of Ecology of the leak and the agency soon condemned the facility.
Faced with a no longer functioning sewer system, the residents of Ketron Island adopted costly individual septic systems. In order to properly place the tanks among the islands clay-filled soils and other geological barriers, many residents had to acquire additional parcels in order to outfit their existing homes. With this sweeping change, the last vestiges of J.C. Morriss aspirations for the island were gone. Because of geography, geology, and resources, the 14 or so homes on the island at that time represent something of a natural cap on the number of dwellings that can exist on it today.
#### An Island of Misfit Toys
Left to their own devices in the vacuum of Lundgrens absence, the small community began to coalesce into a beau monde of nature-loving individualists, and the heyday of Ketron began.
Tiffs between neighbors cropped up here and there, but by and large a sense of camaraderie took hold. During the holidays, there were island-wide candy making parties and Christmas caroling extravaganzas along Ketrons gravel roads. 
“If it was someones birthday, theyd call at the last minute and say, Come have cake and ice cream!,” Kathy recalls. “I would get home from work and a neighbor would invite us to a party and youd come down in your pjs. Thats just how we did things.” 
Progressive dinners, each course served at a different house throughout the evening, were common. Islanders checked on each other after winter storms passed. One day in the 90s, Hollywood-style trailers appeared on the island, complete with a vast catering setup. Lee Jeans had decided to film [a 1995 commercial](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ0JLl9mJlI) on Ketron and the ferry that serves it. “Heres this remote place that you think no one in the world knows about and here comes this Hollywood commercial,” Bob recalls. “It kind of brought everyone together.” The production crews gave islanders $100 for every car they could bring down to fill the ferry.The inconspicuous setting that spoke to Lee Jeans is also what drew Scott Maddox and his wife to Ketrons shores in 2001. A resourceful and skilled engineer who grew up helping out around his parents boat repair shop in Steilacoom, Scott has, over time, developed blue-collar handyman skills and a deep-running work ethic to match. On an island accessible only by private boat or a public ferry with dwindling service, “you learn pretty fast that you have to pitch in to get along. Nobody is out here on their own. No one is exempt from needing a stick of butter, a gallon of gas, or a ride across to the other side,” he says. 
“It has always been sink or swim out here. You have to have some sense of survivability or some skill to apply in order to survive and flourish.”
Its the raw survival requirements of a life shrouded in remote nature that endeared my father-in-law, John Stewart, and his then-wife, Jane, to the island around the same time as the Maddoxes. A voracious reader, John has devoured almost all of Louis LAmours more than 100 books and 250 short stories, bewitched by the tales of cowboys and Indians set among the American frontier. His libertarian-bleeding-into-conservative sensibilities, fed by LAmours prose, were activated by life on Ketron. He has always loved the challenge of learning something new, and opportunities for doing so abound on the island. His self-educational efforts were limited to books and other traditional published materials until the internet came along and brought him YouTube, a resource he has turned to for everything from discovering new music to unearthing questionable “facts.” 
Surrounded by family members and close friends of a more progressive persuasion, John is notorious for being not just set in his ideological ways, but endlessly optimistic that he can help others see the light. Yet he prizes commonalities over differences, an overarching sensibility that also characterized Ketron, which is how John and Bob came to be such great friends.
“We explored our political dynamics. I tried to convince him to be something he wasnt and he tried to defend \[his position\]. He always had facts and people he cited. I didnt particularly believe the people he cited,” Bob says of the far-from-factual conservative “thinkers” on which many of Johns arguments tend to rest. Reliable sourcing, especially on the internet, has never been Johns strong suit. But none of their philosophical differences got in the way of what united them. 
“I honestly felt like if there was a revolution in this country and we were on the island, John and I would be on the same side no matter what, that he would have my back and I would have his… even if our political philosophies were diametrically opposed,” Bob says. For him, talking politics is “just words. What we did together was what we did together,” and that was taking in the breathtaking natural beauty around them. “John and I really became close when we started kayaking and going out on the water,” Bob explains. “Weve spent a lot of time without a lot of words, just watching awesome sunsets and the wildlife.”
While a revolution hasnt tested Bobs theory yet, an insidious invasion has. And, as predicted, Bob and John were squarely on the same side.
Around the same time the Lee Jeans cameras were rolling, two new residents came to the island peddling a grand vision that rivaled Morriss. Charles Fain, Chuck for short, and his girlfriend, Catherine Cooley, painted a picture of a real estate investment and development scheme that would transform Ketron into an upscale community dripping in fine amenities — a golf course, a destination hotel, expanded ferry service. Naturally, Fains plan would require a functioning sewer system, so he bought the rights to the defunct sewer system from Lungren and got to work.
Even while crews began remodeling the clubhouse and gutting the swimming pool, Bob and others werent convinced. “With my prison background, I sensed it right away because a lot of guys in prison, thats just how they talk. They almost believe \[in their own schemes\] themselves,” Bob says. 
Between 1994 and 1998, while hawking their grand chimera of a remastered Ketron, the duo was busy taking advantage of residents who had homes on the island but werent living there full time. Willing sellers were referred to the couples escrow company, but after signing the closing documents, sellers were told that the company didnt have the necessary funding and that the sales had been withdrawn. What the sellers didnt know, though, was that Fain and Cooley used the signed closing documents to fraudulently transfer the titles of 13 properties to their businesses names. Meanwhile, next to nothing of the vision they sold materialized.
Fain and Cooley pleaded innocent when they were indicted by a federal grand jury in early 2001 on 23 counts of conspiracy, mail fraud, and bank fraud that investigators estimate cost Ketronians roughly $2 million. That summer, the two-week bench trial resulted in guilty convictions for both on 11 of the 23 counts and, by December, Fain and Cooley had been sentenced to 10 years and 7.5 years in prison respectively alongside an order to pay $1.3 million in restitution. 
The threat to the islands imprecise way of life posed by Fain caused the islanders to galvanize in a novel way. They realized that the utilities they relied on couldnt remain vulnerable to the fickle interests of outsiders, so they organized. The homeowners of the time paid what they could, most chipping in around $5,000. For around $20,000 total, the majority of the islands residents assumed ownership of the road and water systems, establishing Ketron Island Water Incorporated, KIWI for short, to house them with one dollar of investment translating to one share in the company. 
“Here are a bunch of desperate homeowners. All they know is they need water and the roads,” explains Ron Sheckler, a 69-year-old ex-Army guy with a lingering penchant for intelligence gathering and Ketron resident since 2000. “This was an unprecedented act of solidarity on the part of the individuals on the island.” 
Unlike Bob, Ron went running full speed into the Vietnam War. “It was the 60s. Half my buddies had burned their draft cards and they were pitiful. All they could do was afford to live at home in their parents basement and complain about shit. And the other half, they were on the GI Bill. They partied every weekend, girls were coming and going. I said, thats the life for me,” Ron recalls.
![](https://i0.wp.com/sundaylongread.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/083122_SundayLongRead_KetronIsland_JovelleTamayo_040.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1)
Ron Sheckler with his animals on his property on Ketron Island, Wash., on Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2022. *Jovelle Tamayo for Sunday Long Read*
He started out in the 82nd Airborne Division before being shuttled into the Special Forces where he served as an engineer responsible for “explosive, demolitions, field fortifications, and the analysis of industrial infrastructure for offensive targeting” with a specialty in “the analysis and disruption of critical infrastructure in conflict areas,” he says. “A long, long time before the movie *Rambo* came out, I was a Green Beret who could fly a helicopter. Then *Rambo* came out and everyone thought it was rather funny and started calling me Ronbo.” 
(Ron has no perceptible affection for the nickname.)
He lives alone on Ketron, after his wife “decided that her retirement was more oriented to shopping and spas, not homesteading,” he says, but he has the company of a jolly and ever-so-slightly overweight chocolate lab who patrols the makeshift barriers (an echo of his Army days) on the road in front of his home. 
His knowledge of the island is another vestige of his service. He first moved to the island in the wake of the KIWI drama and busied himself with gathering intel on his new home. 
Its Rons position that “theres no sensible structure that would include roads and water together,” yet theyre a package deal under the umbrella of KIWI, an organization that the islanders were now faced with actually administering. 
Like any enterprise, KIWI has officers charged with carrying out its functions: ensuring that the company is registered and up to date with the secretary of state ([its currently delinquent](https://www.sos.wa.gov/corps/business.aspx?ubi=601930825)), taking water samples, filing annual reports, and overseeing the maintenance of the aging system. Because no one is particularly interested in assuming the burden of leading KIWI, people who dont show up to meetings are often elected to be the next years president. 
In the years since its creation, KIWI has prompted many disagreements. The original intention was to ensure that only property owners could have KIWI shares, but compliance efforts were few and far between. Over time, “we kind of lost control of the shares and how they were distributed,” says KIWIs current [registered agent](https://ccfs.sos.wa.gov/#/BusinessSearch/BusinessInformation), Bob. Today shares are still generally concentrated among owners, but many are scattered to the wind after changing hands in various ways. Sandy, whose family went against the suburban grain with a weekend cabin on Ketron in the 60s, suspects she might have some left over from her familys time there that expired in the early 2010s. 
#### An Island of Contradictions
Peter Brigham moved to Ketron in 2012 and felt right at home. Fresh off a stint in Brazil, where his wife, Daniella, got her JD, the couple and their Rottweiler puppy Segundo settled into their new, cliffside home. Ketron reminded Peter — a 50-year-old day trader who retired at 49, a feat that serves in part as a thumbing of his nose to anyone who looks down on those with humble beginnings — of his childhood in the rural American South.
“What really locked it in for me was the view. My house has an absolutely jaw-on-your-chest, 170-degree panoramic view… It has dominated my experience of this property and the island,” he says, unveiling the oozing esteem he has for the orcas that swim through Ketrons waters, the eagles that cast shadows over his porch as they soar above, and the sea lions on its shores who roar like drunken sailors. 
“It gets me out of my own head and makes me realize how small I am. And once you realize youre insignificant and small, your actions have significantly less future burden on you and your anxiety lessens because you see that my place in the world is, well, just not that important,” he expounds. What started as an adventurous experience of living on what he described as a deserted island soon gave way to the realities of living in such a remote place. As he puts it, its a five-hour trip to the closest Starbucks.
The ferry service to Ketron — the only way the island can be accessed without the help of a private watercraft — has dwindled since the early 80s. Ketron enjoyed nine daily trips until 1981, when Pierce County slashed service to just two trips a day. Service to Ketron has been more or less in flux since then. Most recently, the landing dock on Ketron has been broken for months, necessitating a generator to power it in order to match the tides. Special service runs with shorter turnaround times designed to make accessing resources on the mainland easier have come and gone. Direct trips to Steilacoom have been swapped for an hour-long route that stops at Anderson Island. 
Today, Ketron residents who want to leave have to reserve a spot on one of the ferrys [three daily trips](https://www.piercecountywa.gov/2200/Ferry-Schedule) spread between 5:45 a.m. and 8:15 p.m. 
![](https://i0.wp.com/sundaylongread.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/083122_SundayLongRead_KetronIsland_JovelleTamayo_036.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&ssl=1)
A Pierce County ferry passes Tiffany Lundgrens beachfront property on Ketron Island, Wash., on Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2022. *Jovelle Tamayo for Sunday Long Read*
“Pierce County absolutely does not give one wet shit what happens on this rock,” Peter has come to believe. “I moved here from Brazil, a place known for being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare where the government hoovers up everything and does nothing. You know what? The bullshit government in Brazil that I had to deal with, even in this tiny cow town that nobody can find on a map and nobodys ever heard of, was better than here.”
In 2015, around a particularly dry Fourth of July, a fellow resident [set his home on fire](https://www.kiro7.com/news/detectives-say-man-set-his-own-home-fire-fireworks/28692549/) with fireworks. “We called 911 and asked if they could send a firetruck. Do you know what the county said? No, well pick you up from the dock if the whole island catches fire,’” Peter recalls. “What did we do? We said fine, we dont need you. We put that house fire out and kept it from getting up in the canopy.”
Albeit in the face of lackluster government services, collective affairs have come to be the exception rather than the rule on Ketron. “Over the past 10 years, theres been a marked change. We dont clear the roads together anymore,” Peter says. The “family feel” that Scott Maddox remembers has waned. 
As new owners come to Ketron, they tend to skew younger than the largely retirement-age communities of the past. “The biggest dividing line is age. The older you are, the better off you are going to be on Ketron. When I moved here, the average age was almost dead. But those old people, their bodies were falling apart but they knew exactly what to do. I watched Bob Barrett, age 72, climb up on top of a 40-foot standpipe,” Peter says. “Who has what it takes to be out here? Its people who have lived in the country. Its people who are older. Its people who work with their hands.”
This is the enigma of Ketron Island, an eternal push and pull between what is and what could be; what people come in search for—what they dream of—and what is. What makes it insufferable is also what makes it magnetic. The draw of a Walden Pond just across the Sound speaks to a yearning lodged deep in the American psyche.
“They want to be out here where theyre free. But thats the paradox of freedom. Youre free at the same time that Im free at the same time that all these other yahoos are free. And your freedom is going to impinge on mine and mine is going to impinge on yours,” Peter says. “But you cannot buy geographical access to freedom. Thats one of the fallacies of living out here.”
What Ketron is for Peter, though, is a desirable place thats small enough that one person with above average means can dominate it. “Ketron needs a benevolent fascist dictator,” he says, “because democracy doesnt work out here. It doesnt work at all.”
That person has been J.C. Morris. That person, in some way, has been Gary Lundgren. That person has been Chuck Fain and his romantic sidekick. That next person, who might just be the benevolent dictator that Peter thinks Ketron needs, comes in the form of Lundgrens daughter — if she can overcome the QAnon sectarians and a more recent islander, a lawyer ready to use the law to her advantage, that stand in her way.
![](https://i0.wp.com/sundaylongread.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/083122_SundayLongRead_KetronIsland_JovelleTamayo_032.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&ssl=1)
Tiffany Lundgren poses for a portrait on her beachfront property on Ketron Island, Wash., on Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2022. *Jovelle Tamayo for Sunday Long Read*
Young Tiffany Lundgren spent many summer days on Ketron Island in the late 70s and early 80s before her parents split. Her dad remained a majority landowner of the over 90 parcels that still remain in his and Tiffanys name ever since, but the Lundgrens physical presence on the island was sparse until a recent tragedy involving Lundgren property required her attention.
While her father might have some unsavory qualities that got him [banned from continuing his investing work with most U.S. firms](https://www.finra.org/sites/default/files/NAC-FPI150009-Lundgren-021816_0.pdf), islanders speak kindly of Tiffany. Known as “T Two” alongside another unrelated Tiffany on the island during her childhood, today shes an effusive optimist with a contagious reverence for submitting to the grand plans of the universe.  Shes a fetching blonde whose youthful appearance and bubbly demeanor belies her middle age. Everything happens for a reason in Tiffanys world, including the event that would bring her back to Ketrons shores, an affair that started on the tarmac of the Seattle-Tacoma airport 40 miles to the north.
On a warm and clear August day in 2018, [Richard Russell](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/aug/12/richard-russell-quiet-well-liked-seattle-airport-worker-who-stole-a-plane), a 28-year old Alaska Airlines groundworker without a pilots license, made his way into the cockpit of an empty Horizon Air Q400 turboprop passenger plane around 7:30 p.m. Russells typical duties entailed loading baggage onto short haul flights and occasionally towing planes, but on that day he took to the air with knowledge hed [gleaned from video games](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/12/us/richard-russell-q400-flight-simulator.html).
After an [unauthorized takeoff](https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/beebo-russell-seattle-plane-theft-true-story-1187023/), Russell circled the skies for a little over an hour, taking in views of Mount Rainier and the nearby Olympics, [describing them as beautiful](https://www.geekwire.com/about-geekwire/) in conversation with air traffic controllers trying to persuade him to come back down. As he circled the skies with F-15 fighter jets trailing behind, Russell apologized to loved ones. “I would like to apologize to each and every one of them,” Russell said before crashing the plane on Ketron some two hours after he stepped foot into the cockpit. 
A fire lit up the south side of the island where the 76-seat plane hit. This time the government did respond and, with the [help of islanders like Ron](https://www.king5.com/article/news/local/ketron-island-resident-recognized-for-his-actions-after-deadly-plane-crash/281-605236973), put the blaze out. After a [prolonged negotiation](https://www.koaa.com/news/2018/10/01/stolen-plane-crash-debris-remains-on-ketron-island/) with Alaska Airlines, which owns Horizon, over the cleanup of the debris that was only recently resolved, today a clearing in the trees that has grown into a meadow, a few pieces of metal lodged into thick and scaly bark, and a small memorial composed of a framed photo of Russell are all that remain of the crash. That and Tiffanys more permanent presence on Ketron. Her return began with managing the cleanup and legal fallout from the crash on her property and, over the weeks and months that followed, blossomed into a reconnection with the island of her childhood. While her parents didnt spend much time on Ketron, it still held the fondness of a childhood home.
![](https://i0.wp.com/sundaylongread.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/083122_SundayLongRead_KetronIsland_JovelleTamayo_014.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1)
A memorial for Richard Russell, who in 2018 stole and crashed a plane on Ketron Island, Wash., on Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2022. *Jovelle Tamayo for Sunday Long Read*
The memorial made by Russells family has had to shrink over the years thanks to an unexpected obsession with the crash. Convinced that Russell flew in a Q-shaped formation and fueled by Gary Lundgrens [business and legal entanglements with Donald Trump](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-demands-75-million-from-panama-condo-owners/) and coincidences like the Bombardier planes Q400 title, QAnon fanatics have sunk their conspiracy-peddling teeth [into the event](https://heavy.com/news/2018/08/richard-russell-conspiracy-theories/) with their signature imbecilic fervor. 
“Were all still trying to battle the weirdos that come on \[to the island\] because of the crash. Thats been the hardest thing for me,” Tiffany says. Just last summer, alone save for her two small dogs while collecting firewood near the crash site, she came across two men who had scaled the cliffs from a boat below. “They wanted to see the crash and they started coming towards me,” she recalls. “It scared the hell out of me because they were like, Are you Tiffany Lundgren?’”
Drones flying over the site have also become a painfully common occurrence. “Ive had to put up cameras everywhere,” she says. The cameras have had to come with no trespassing signs, too. But they dont apply to residents, Tiffany says, just frenzied plane crash enthusiasts.
#### An Island of Uncertainty
Tiffany has more than strangers from the internet to contend with. In recent years a lawyer has made a home on the island, a turn of events that originally delighted Ron. “I thought this was a great development for the community which had been just a group of ramshackle individuals fumbling along,” he says. “It turned out very soon that she was not there to play that role.”
Instead, the lawyer made quick enemies with a number of residents, from Ron, over shares of the water company, to my father-in-law John, who loathed what he saw as her unfair wielding of the law to impinge on her less legally sophisticated neighbors. One of her most recent [legal tiffs](https://linxonline.co.pierce.wa.us/linxweb/Case/CivilCase.cfm?cause_num=20-2-06634-1) has been a quiet title battle with Tiffany over a parcel of adjacent land. After a years-long legal back-and-forth during which many of the islands residents testified in Tiffanys favor, Tiffany emerged victorious earlier this year. “I didnt fight that battle for me. I fought it because she has threatened and tormented every person on the island,” Tiffany explains. The lawyer, who declined to comment on this story, is appealing. 
Even with judicial hassles raging in the background, Tiffany is undeterred from breathing new life into the island, the same new life she found when she came back to the island after the plane crash. “I realize that I was brought back here for a reason,” she says. Personally, being back on the island has given her a chance to work through heartbreaking memories from Ketron, including the final moments of her parents marriage. More broadly speaking, her return, complete with her familys resources, has brought a counterbalance to the push of the lawyers previously unmatched presence on Ketron.
Today Tiffany spends most weekends on Ketron in a metallic Airstream perched atop the same cement foundation that once supported a small cement plant that Morris erected to manufacture his grand vision. Shes taken to inviting her neighbors to sunset movie nights, complete with popcorn machines, down on the beach — its the same place where islanders used to have bonfires during Ketrons social apogee a few decades back; the place where Bob and John bonded over their love of nature more than they fractured over political dissimilarities.
Peter sees a risk of things heading in a different direction. Not only is climate change eroding the island, the changing tides of time are doing their work. Ketron isnt immune to the [rancid polarization](https://www.brown.edu/news/2020-01-21/polarization) and increasingly [digitized](https://www.brookings.edu/research/digitalization-and-the-american-workforce/) [way](https://reports.weforum.org/digital-transformation/understanding-the-impact-of-digitalization-on-society/) [of life](https://www.un.org/en/un75/impact-digital-technologies) of the mainland. Unlike previous generations, people today are less equipped to live out the remote lifestyles they romanticize. “They dont want to have to rely on their neighbors. They dont trust their neighbors. They dont necessarily like them. They dont see what they have in common with their neighbors,” Peter says. “They dont see that were all in the same boat, were all on the same island, we all need to get along.”
![](https://i0.wp.com/sundaylongread.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/083122_SundayLongRead_KetronIsland_JovelleTamayo_010-2.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&ssl=1)
Madrona trees on Ketron. *Jovelle Tamayo for Sunday Long Read*
As we collectively spend more time on [knowledge work than manual labor](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2016/10/06/1-changes-in-the-american-workplace/), the skills it takes to live life on Ketron are dissolving. “\[People\] come out here and they cant figure out how to do anything. They dont know how to run a chainsaw. They dont know where the four-wheel drive lever is in the bottom of their truck. They dont know how to rebuild a car. They cant push a lawn mower for three hours,” Peter explains. “The knowledge of how to fix \[the water system\] resides with about four guys. It used to reside with five and one of them died. Eventually the others are going to die too, and then nobody can fix it.”
The person who died was John, my father-in-law. 
He had a heart attack in a parking lot while running errands for work and with him went an incarnate part of Ketron. 
At his funeral on a cool day on the mainland in early November when the pastor opened up the podium to the guests, Bob Barrett strode effortlessly to the pulpit in front of Johns sparse pine casket. It was draped in a red and umber wool blanket underneath hand-selected flowers — simple and sublime, just the way John would have wanted it. Bob delivered a heartfelt speech laced with unrehearsed memories of his late friend and the time they spent together on the water.
Conventional wisdom may hold that innovation comes from forward-focused global centers like Silicon Valley. But its actually places like Ketron, the fringes of society rather than the center of it, where true ingenuity is born — the kind that doesnt seek accolades, acknowledgement, or profit; the kind that solves real problems for practicalitys sake rather than retrofits a product with a manufactured need. This kind of necessary creativity comes from remote places that lack the formality and structure that otherwise force novel concepts into acceptable forms. With John gone and neighbors like Bob, Kathy, Ron, and others only increasing in age, the future of Ketron Island is uncertain. Whats to come can only be known and made by the people who take their place. 
One thing is for sure, though: “They just dont make any small islands with properties on it that are obtainable anymore,” Ron says. “In that regard, Ketron is kind of frozen in time.”
*This story was made possible by the support of **Sunday Long Read subscribers** and publishing partner **Ruth Ann Harnisch**. All photos by **Jovelle Tamayo for The Sunday Long Read.** Edited by **Peter Bailey-Wells**. Designed by **Anagha Srikanth**.*
 
 
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# The Defiance of Salman Rushdie
When [Salman Rushdie](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/salman-rushdie) turned seventy-five, last summer, he had every reason to believe that he had outlasted the threat of assassination. A long time ago, on Valentines Day, 1989, Irans Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, declared Rushdies novel “The Satanic Verses” blasphemous and issued a fatwa ordering the execution of its author and “all those involved in its publication.” Rushdie, a resident of London, spent the next decade [in a fugitive existence](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/09/17/the-disappeared), under constant police protection. But after settling in New York, in 2000, he lived freely, insistently unguarded. He refused to be terrorized.
There were times, though, when the lingering threat made itself apparent, and not merely on the lunatic reaches of the Internet. In 2012, during the annual autumn gathering of world leaders at the United Nations, I joined a small meeting of reporters with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, and I asked him if the multimillion-dollar bounty that an Iranian foundation had placed on Rushdies head had been rescinded. Ahmadinejad smiled with a glint of malice. “Salman Rushdie, where is he now?” he said. “There is no news of him. Is he in the United States? If he is in the U.S., you shouldnt broadcast that, for his own safety.”
Within a year, Ahmadinejad was out of office and out of favor with the mullahs. Rushdie went on living as a free man. The years passed. He wrote book after book, taught, lectured, travelled, met with readers, married, divorced, and became a fixture in the city that was his adopted home. If he ever felt the need for some vestige of anonymity, he wore a baseball cap.
Recalling his first few months in New York, Rushdie told me, “People were scared to be around me. I thought, The only way I can stop that is to behave as if Im not scared. I have to show them theres nothing to be scared about.” One night, he went out to dinner with Andrew Wylie, his agent and friend, at Nick & Tonis, an extravagantly conspicuous restaurant in East Hampton. The painter Eric Fischl stopped by their table and said, “Shouldnt we all be afraid and leave the restaurant?”
“Well, Im having dinner,” Rushdie replied. “You can do what you like.”
Fischl hadnt meant to offend, but sometimes there was a tone of derision in press accounts of Rushdies “indefatigable presence on the New York night-life scene,” as Laura M. Holson put it in the *Times*. Some people thought he should have adopted a more austere posture toward his predicament. Would Solzhenitsyn have gone onstage with Bono or danced the night away at Moomba?
Listen: Salman Rushdie speaks with David Remnick on The New Yorker Radio Hour.
For Rushdie, keeping a low profile would be capitulation. He was a social being and would live as he pleased. He even tried to render the fatwa ridiculous. Six years ago, he played himself in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” in which Larry David provokes threats from Iran for mocking the Ayatollah while promoting his upcoming production “Fatwa! The Musical.” David is terrified, but Rushdies character assures him that life under an edict of execution, though it can be “scary,” also makes a man alluring to women. “Its not exactly you, its the fatwa wrapped around you, like sexy pixie dust!” he says.
With every public gesture, it appeared, Rushdie was determined to show that he would not merely survive but flourish, at his desk and on the town. “There was no such thing as absolute security,” he wrote in his third-person memoir, “[Joseph Anton](https://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Anton-Memoir-Salman-Rushdie/dp/0812982606/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3NJZLAB9MP5PN&keywords=joseph+anton&qid=1675699553&s=books&sprefix=joseph+anton%2Cstripbooks%2C138&sr=1-1),” published in 2012. “There were only varying degrees of insecurity. He would have to learn to live with that.” He well understood that his demise would not require the coördinated efforts of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps or Hezbollah; a cracked loner could easily do the job. “But I had come to feel that it was a very long time ago, and that the world moves on,” he told me.
In September, 2021, Rushdie married the poet and novelist Rachel Eliza Griffiths, whom hed met six years earlier, at a *PEN* event. It was his fifth marriage, and a happy one. They spent the pandemic together productively. By last July, Rushdie had made his final corrections on a new novel, titled “[Victory City](https://www.amazon.com/Victory-City-Novel-Salman-Rushdie/dp/0593243390/ref=sr_1_1?crid=24WPTND8HE2X1&keywords=Victory+City&qid=1675699589&s=books&sprefix=victory+city%2Cstripbooks%2C124&sr=1-1).”
One of the sparks for the novel was a trip decades ago to the town of Hampi, in South India, the site of the ruins of the medieval Vijayanagara empire. “Victory City,” which is presented as a recovered medieval Sanskrit epic, is the story of a young girl named Pampa Kampana, who, after witnessing the death of her mother, acquires divine powers and conjures into existence a glorious metropolis called Bisnaga, in which women resist patriarchal rule and religious tolerance prevails, at least for a while. The novel, firmly in the tradition of the wonder tale, draws on Rushdies readings in Hindu mythology and in the history of South Asia.
“The first kings of Vijayanagara announced, quite seriously, that they were descended from the moon,” Rushdie said. “So when these kings, Harihara and Bukka, announce that theyre members of the lunar dynasty, theyre basically associating themselves with those great heroes. Its like saying, Ive descended from the same family as Achilles. Or Agamemnon. And so I thought, Well, if you could say that, I can say anything.”
Above all, the book is buoyed by the character of Pampa Kampana, who, Rushdie says, “just showed up in my head” and gave him his story, his sense of direction. The pleasure for Rushdie in writing the novel was in “world building” and, at the same time, writing about a character building that world: “Its me doing it, but its also her doing it.” The pleasure is infectious. “Victory City” is an immensely enjoyable novel. It is also an affirmation. At the end, with the great city in ruins, what is left is not the storyteller but her words:
> *I, Pampa Kampana, am the author of this book.
> I have lived to see an empire rise and fall.
> How are they remembered now, these kings, these queens?
> They exist now only in words . . .
> I myself am nothing now. All that remains is this city of words.
> Words are the only victors.*
It is hard not to read this as a credo of sorts. Over the years, Rushdies friends have marvelled at his ability to write amid the fury unleashed on him. [Martin Amis](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/martin-amis) has said that, if he were in his shoes, “I would, by now, be a tearful and tranquilized three-hundred-pounder, with no eyelashes or nostril hairs.” And yet “Victory City” is Rushdies sixteenth book since the fatwa.
He was pleased with the finished manuscript and was getting encouragement from friends who had read it. (“I think Victory City will be one of his books that will last,” the novelist Hari Kunzru told me.) During the pandemic, Rushdie had also completed a play about Helen of Troy, and he was already toying with an idea for another novel. Hed reread Thomas Manns “[The Magic Mountain](https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Mountain-Everymans-Library/dp/1400044219/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1675699775&sr=1-1)” and Franz Kafkas “[The Castle](https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Franz-Kafka/dp/0805211063/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1732FC5ADBAT1&keywords=The+Castle+kafka&qid=1675699800&s=books&sprefix=the+castle+kafk%2Cstripbooks%2C88&sr=1-1),” novels that deploy a naturalistic language to evoke strange, hermetic worlds—an alpine sanatorium, a remote provincial bureaucracy. Rushdie thought about using a similar approach to create a peculiar imaginary college as his setting. He started keeping notes. In the meantime, he looked forward to a peaceful summer and, come winter, a publicity tour to promote “Victory City.”
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27204)
“We bought the place sight unseen and then were informed it came with at least nine endangered species.”
Cartoon by Edward Koren
On August 11th, Rushdie arrived for a speaking engagement at the Chautauqua Institution, situated on an idyllic property bordering a lake in southwestern New York State. There, for nine weeks every summer, a prosperous crowd intent on self-improvement and fresh air comes to attend lectures, courses, screenings, performances, and readings. Chautauqua has been a going concern since 1874. Franklin Roosevelt delivered his “I hate war” speech there, in 1936. Over the years, Rushdie has occasionally suffered from nightmares, and a couple of nights before the trip he dreamed of someone, “like a gladiator,” attacking him with “a sharp object.” But no midnight portent was going to keep him home. Chautauqua was a wholesome venue, with cookouts, magic shows, and Sunday school. One donor described it to me as “the safest place on earth.”
Rushdie had agreed to appear onstage with his friend Henry Reese. Eighteen years ago, Rushdie helped Reese raise funds to create City of Asylum, a program in Pittsburgh that supports authors who have been driven into exile. On the morning of August 12th, Rushdie had breakfast with Reese and some donors on the porch of the Athenaeum Hotel, a Victorian pile near the lake. At the table, he told jokes and stories, admitting that he sometimes ordered books from Amazon even if he felt a little guilty about it. With mock pride, he bragged about his speed as a signer of books, though he had to concede that Amy Tan was quicker: “But she has an advantage, because her name is so short.”
A crowd of more than a thousand was gathering at the amphitheatre. It was shorts-and-polo-shirt weather, sunny and clear. On the way into the venue, Reese introduced Rushdie to his ninety-three-year-old mother, and then they headed for the greenroom to spend time organizing their talk. The plan was to discuss the cultural hybridity of the imagination in contemporary literature, show some slides and describe City of Asylum, and, finally, open things up for questions.
At 10:45 *A.M.*, Rushdie and Reese took their places onstage, settling into yellow armchairs. Off to the side, Sony Ton-Aime, a poet and the director of the literary-arts program at Chautauqua, stepped to a lectern to introduce the talk. At 10:47, there was a commotion. A young man ran down the aisle and climbed onto the stage. He was dressed all in black and armed with a knife.
Rushdie grew up in Bombay in a hillside villa with a view of the Arabian Sea. The family was Muslim, but secular. They were wealthy, though less so over time. Salmans father, Anis Ahmed Rushdie, was a textile manufacturer who, according to his son, had the business acumen of a “four-year-old child.” But, for all his flaws, Rushdies father read to him from the “great wonder tales of the East,” including the stories of Scheherazade in the “Thousand and One Nights,” the Sanskrit animal fables of the Panchatantra, and the exploits of Amir Hamza, an uncle of the Prophet Muhammad. Salman became obsessed with stories; they were his most valued inheritance. He spent countless hours at his local bookstore, Readers Paradise. In time, he devoured the two vast Sanskrit epics, the Ramayana and the Mahabharata; the Greek and Roman myths; and the adventures of Bertie Wooster and Jeeves.
Nothing was sacred to young Rushdie, not even the stories with religious origins, but on some level he believed them all. He was particularly enraptured by the polytheistic storytelling traditions in which the gods behave badly, weirdly, hilariously. He was taken by a Hindu tale, the Samudra Manthan, in which gods and demons churn the Milky Way so that the stars release *amrita*, the nectar of immortality. He would look up at the night sky and imagine the nectar falling toward him. “Maybe if I opened my mouth,” he said to himself, “a drop might fall in and then I would be immortal, too.”
Later, Rushdie learned from the oral traditions as well. On a trip to Kerala, in South India, he listened to professional storytellers spin tales at outdoor gatherings where large crowds paid a few rupees and sat on the ground to listen for hours. What especially interested Rushdie was the style of these fabulists: circuitous, digressive, improvisational. “Theyve got three or four narrative balls in the air at any given moment, and they just juggle them,” he said. That, too, fed his imagination and, eventually, his sense of the novels possibilities.
At the age of thirteen, Rushdie was sent off to Rugby, a centuries-old British boarding school. There were three mistakes a boarder could make in those days, as he came to see it: be foreign, be clever, and be bad at games. He was all three. He was decidedly happier as a university student. At Kings College, Cambridge, he met several times with E. M. Forster, the author of “[Howards End](https://www.amazon.com/Howards-End-Warbler-Classics-Annotated/dp/1954525893/ref=sr_1_5?crid=KAP1JSIOS9WB&keywords=E.+M.+Forster+howards+end&qid=1675700299&s=books&sprefix=e.+m.+forster+howards+end%2Cstripbooks%2C94&sr=1-5)” and “[A Passage to India](https://www.amazon.com/Passage-India-Warbler-Classics-Annotated/dp/1954525915/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1NL2XMZSC91QU&keywords=A+Passage+to+India&qid=1675700323&s=books&sprefix=a+passage+to+india%2Cstripbooks%2C75&sr=1-3).” “He was very encouraging when he heard that I wanted to be a writer,” Rushdie told me. “And he said something which I treasured, which is that he felt that the great novel of India would be written by somebody from India with a Western education.
“I hugely admire A Passage to India, because it was an anti-colonial book at a time when it was not at all fashionable to be anti-colonial,” he went on. “What I kind of rebelled against was Forsterian English, which is very cool and meticulous. I thought, If theres one thing that India is not, its not cool. Its hot and noisy and crowded and excessive. How do you find a language thats like that?”
As an undergraduate, Rushdie studied history, taking particular interest in the history of India, the United States, and Islam. Along the way, he read about the “Satanic verses,” an episode in which the Prophet Muhammad (“one of the great geniuses of world history,” Rushdie wrote years later) is said to have been deceived by Satan and made a proclamation venerating three goddesses; he soon reversed himself after the Archangel Gabriel revealed this deception, and the verses were expunged from the sacred record. The story raised many questions. The verses about the three goddesses had, it was said, initially been popular in Mecca, so why were they discredited? Was it to do with their subjects being female? Had Muhammad somehow flirted with polytheism, making the “revelation” false and satanic? “I thought, Good story,” Rushdie said. “I found out later how good.” He filed it away for later use.
After graduating from Cambridge, Rushdie moved to London and set to work as a writer. He wrote novels and stories, along with glowing reviews of his future work which, as he later noted, “offered a fleeting, onanistic comfort, usually followed by a pang of shame.” There was a great deal of typing, finishing, and then stashing away the results. One novel, “The Antagonist,” was heavily influenced by Thomas Pynchon and featured a secondary character named Saleem Sinai, who was born at midnight August 14-15, 1947, the moment of Indian independence. (More for the file.) Another misfire, “Madame Rama,” took aim at Indira Gandhi, who had imposed emergency rule in India. “[Grimus](https://www.amazon.com/Grimus-Novel-Modern-Library-Paperbacks/dp/0812969995/ref=sr_1_1?crid=ARWH8KK71LG3&keywords=Grimus&qid=1675700407&s=books&sprefix=grims%2Cstripbooks%2C96&sr=1-1)” (1975), Rushdies first published novel, was a sci-fi fantasy based on a twelfth-century Sufi narrative poem called “The Conference of the Birds.” It attracted a few admirers, Ursula K. Le Guin among them, but had tepid reviews and paltry sales.
To underwrite this ever-lengthening apprenticeship, Rushdie, like [F. Scott Fitzgerald](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/f-scott-fitzgerald), Joseph Heller, and Don DeLillo, worked in advertising, notably at the firm Ogilvy & Mather. He wrote copy extolling the virtues of the *Daily Mirror*, Scotch Magic Tape, and Aero chocolate bars. He found the work easy. He has always been partial to puns, alliteration, limericks, wordplay of all kinds. In fact, as he approached his thirtieth birthday, his best-known achievement in letters was his campaign on behalf of Aero, “the bubbliest milk chocolate you can buy.” He indelibly described the aerated candy bar as “Adorabubble,” “Delectabubble,” “Irresistabubble,” and, when placed in store windows, “Availabubble here.”
But advertising was hardly his lifes ambition, and Rushdie now embarked on an “all or nothing” project. He went to India for an extended trip, a reimmersion in the subcontinent, with endless bus rides and countless conversations. It revived something in him; as he put it, “a world came flooding back.” Here was the hot and noisy Bombay English that hed been looking for. In 1981, when Rushdie was thirty-three, he published “[Midnights Children](https://www.amazon.com/Midnights-Children-Modern-Library-Novels/dp/0812976533/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3TMKBP3RW60GG&keywords=Midnight%E2%80%99s+Children&qid=1675700639&s=books&sprefix=midnights+children%2Cstripbooks%2C137&sr=1-1),” an autobiographical-national epic of Bombay and the rise of post-colonial India. The opening of the novel is a remarkable instance of a unique voice announcing itself:
> I was born in the city of Bombay . . . once upon a time. No, that wont do, theres no getting away from the date: I was born in Doctor Narlikars Nursing Home on August 15th, 1947. And the time? The time matters, too. Well then: at night. No, its important to be more . . . On the stroke of midnight, as a matter of fact. Clockhands joined palms in respectful greeting as I came. Oh, spell it out, spell it out: at the precise instant of Indias arrival at independence, I tumbled forth into the world. There were gasps. And, outside the window, fireworks and crowds. . . . I, Saleem Sinai, later variously called Snotnose, Stainface, Baldy, Sniffer, Buddha and even Piece-of-the-Moon, had become heavily embroiled in Fate.
Perhaps the most distinct echo is from Saul Bellows “[The Adventures of Augie March](https://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Augie-March-Penguin-Classics/dp/0143039571/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2L8PC5JBUUBD9&keywords=The+Adventures+of+Augie+March&qid=1675700663&s=books&sprefix=the+adventures+of+augie+march%2Cstripbooks%2C95&sr=1-1)”: “I am an American, Chicago born—Chicago, that somber city—and go at things as I have taught myself, freestyle, and will make the record in my own way. . . .” When Rushdie shifted from the third-person narrator of his earlier drafts to the first-person address of the protagonist, Saleem Sinai, the novel took off. Rushdie was suddenly back “in the world that made me.” Forster had been onto something. In an English of his own devising, Rushdie had written a great Indian novel, a prismatic work with all the noise, abundance, multilingual complexity, wit, and, ultimately, political disappointment of the country he set out to describe. As he told me, “Bombay is a city built very largely on reclaimed land—reclaimed from the sea. And I thought of the book as being kind of an act of reclamation.”
“Midnights Children” is a novel of overwhelming muchness, of magic and mythologies. Saleem learns that a thousand other children were born at the same moment as he was, and that these thousand and one storytellers make up a vast subcontinental Scheherazade. Saleem is telepathically attuned to the cacophony of an infinitely varied post-colonial nation, with all its fissures and conflicts. “I was a radio receiver and could turn the volume down or up,” he tells us. “I could select individual voices; I could even, by an effort of will, switch off my newly discovered ear.”
The novel was quickly recognized as a classic. “We have an epic in our laps,” John Leonard wrote in the *Times*. “The obvious comparisons are to Günter Grass in The Tin Drum and to Gabriel Garcia Márquez in One Hundred Years of Solitude. I am happy to oblige the obvious.” “Midnights Children” won the Booker Prize in 1981, and, many years later, “the Booker of Bookers,” the best of the best. One of the few middling reviews Rushdie received was from his father. His reading of the novel was, at best, dismissive; he could not have been pleased by the depiction of the protagonists father, who, like him, had a drinking problem. “When you have a baby on your lap, sometimes it wets you, but you forgive it,” he told Rushdie. It was only years later, when he was dying, that he came clean: “I was angry because every word you wrote was true.”
Shortly after the publication of “Midnights Children,” Bill Buford, an American who had reinvented the literary quarterly *Granta* while studying at Cambridge, invited Rushdie to give a reading at a space above a hairdressers. “I didnt know who was going to show up,” Rushdie recalled. “The room was packed, absolutely bursting at the seams, and a large percentage were Indian readers. I was unbelievably moved. A rather well-dressed middle-aged lady in a fancy sari stood up at the end of the reading, in this sort of Q. & A. bit, and she said, I want to thank you, Mr. Rushdie, because you have told *my* story. It still almost makes me cry.”
“Midnights Children” and its equally extravagant successor, “[Shame](https://www.amazon.com/Shame-Novel-Salman-Rushdie/dp/0812976703/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2OZ21IT4LMQCG&keywords=shame+rushdie&qid=1675700709&s=books&sprefix=shame+rushdie%2Cstripbooks%2C83&sr=1-1),” which is set in a country that is “not quite” Pakistan, managed to infuriate the leaders of India and Pakistan—Indira Gandhi sued Rushdie and his publisher, Jonathan Cape, for defamation; “Shame” was banned in Muhammad Zia-ul-Haqs Pakistan—but politics was hardly the only reason that his example was so liberating. Rushdie takes from Milan Kundera the idea that the history of the modern novel came from two distinct eighteenth-century streams, the realism of Samuel Richardsons “Clarissa” and the strangeness and irrealism of Laurence Sternes “Tristram Shandy”; Rushdie gravitated to the latter, more fantastical, less populated tradition. His youthful readings had been followed by later excursions into [Franz Kafka](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/01/16/the-diaries-of-franz-kafka-party-animal), James Joyce, Italo Calvino, Isaac Bashevis Singer, and Mikhail Bulgakov, all of whom drew on folktales, allegory, and local mythologies to produce their “antic, ludic, comic, eccentric” texts.
In turn, younger writers found inspiration in “Midnights Children,” especially those who came from backgrounds shaped by colonialism and migration. One such was Zadie Smith, who published her first novel, “[White Teeth](https://www.amazon.com/White-Teeth-Novel-Zadie-Smith/dp/0375703861/ref=sr_1_1?crid=11PQWOUQSO48M&keywords=White+Teeth&qid=1675700861&s=books&sprefix=white+teeth%2Cstripbooks%2C110&sr=1-1),” in 2000, when she was twenty-four. “By the time I came of age, it was already canonical,” Smith told me. “If Im honest, I was a bit resistant to it as a monument—it felt very intimidating. But then, aged about eighteen, I finally read it, and I think the first twenty pages had as much influence on me as any book could. Bottled energy! Thats the best way I can put it. And I recognized the energy. The empire writes back is what we used to say of Rushdie, and I was also a distant child of that empire, and had grown up around people with Rushdie-level energy and storytelling prowess. . . . I hate that cliché of He kicked open the door so we could walk through it, but in Salmans case its the truth.”
At the time, Rushdie had no idea that he would exert such an influence. “I was just thinking, I hope a few people read this weird book,” he said. “This book with almost no white people in it and written in such strange English.”
I first met Rushdie, fleetingly, in New York, at a 1986 convocation of *PEN* International. I was reporting on the gathering for the Washington *Post* and Rushdie was possibly the youngest luminary in a vast assemblage of writers from forty-five countries. Like a rookie at the all-star game, Rushdie enjoyed watching the veterans do their thing: Günter Grass throwing Teutonic thunderbolts at Saul Bellow; E. L. Doctorow lashing out at [Norman Mailer](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/12/26/the-making-of-norman-mailer), the president of *PEN* American Center, for inviting George Shultz, Ronald Reagans Secretary of State, to speak; Grace Paley hurling high heat at Mailer for his failure to invite more women. One afternoon, Rushdie was outside on Central Park South, taking a break from the conference, when he ran into a photographer from *Time*, who asked him to hop into a horse carriage for a picture. Rushdie found himself sitting beside Czesław Miłosz and Susan Sontag. For once, Rushdie said, he was “tongue-tied.”
But the *PEN* convention was a diversion, as was a side project called “The Jaguar Smile,” a piece of reporting on the Sandinista revolution in Nicaragua. Rushdie was wrestling with the manuscript of “The Satanic Verses.” The prose was no less vibrant and hallucinatory than that of “Midnights Children” or “Shame,” but the tale was mainly set in London. “There was a point in my life when I could have written a version of Midnights Children every few years,” he said. “It wouldve sold, you know. But I always want to find a thing to do that I havent done.”
“[The Satanic Verses](https://www.amazon.com/Satanic-Verses-Novel-Salman-Rushdie-ebook/dp/B004KABDMA/ref=sr_1_1?crid=6VHJFHJKPER0&keywords=The+Satanic+Verses&qid=1675700916&s=books&sprefix=the+satanic+verses%2Cstripbooks%2C104&sr=1-1)” was published in September, 1988. Rushdie knew that, just as he had angered Indira Gandhi and General Zia-ul-Haq, he might offend some Muslim clerics with his treatment of Islamic history and various religious tropes. The Prophet is portrayed as imperfect yet earnest, courageous in the face of persecution. In any case, the novel is hardly dominated by religion. It is in large measure about identity in the modern world of migration. Rushdie thought of “The Satanic Verses” as a “love-song to our mongrel selves,” a celebration of “hybridity, impurity, intermingling, the transformation that comes of new and unexpected combinations of human beings, cultures, ideas, politics, movies, songs.” In a tone more comic than polemical, it was at once a social novel, a novel of British Asians, and a phantasmagorical retelling of the grand narrative of Islam.
If there was going to be a fuss, Rushdie figured, it would pass soon enough. “It would be absurd to think that a book can cause riots,” he told the Indian reporter Shrabani Basu before publication. Three years earlier, some British and American Muslims had protested peacefully against “My Beautiful Laundrette,” with its irreverent screenplay by the British Pakistani writer Hanif Kureishi, but that ran its course quickly. Whats more, in an era of racist “Paki-bashing,” Rushdie was admired in London for speaking out about bigotry. In 1982, in a broadcast on Channel 4, he said, “British thought, British society, has never been cleansed of the filth of imperialism. Its still there, breeding lice and vermin, waiting for unscrupulous people to exploit it for their own ends.”
In India, though, ahead of a national election, Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhis government banned “The Satanic Verses.” It was not immediately clear that the censorious fury would spread. In the U.K., the novel made the shortlist for the Booker Prize. (The winner was Peter Careys “[Oscar and Lucinda](https://www.amazon.com/Oscar-Lucinda-tie-Vintage-International-ebook/dp/B004KABELU/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2IJ2F8SCFGE9W&keywords=Oscar+and+Lucinda&qid=1675700956&s=books&sprefix=oscar+and+lucinda%2Cstripbooks%2C97&sr=1-1).”) “The Satanic Verses” was even reviewed in the Iranian press. Attempts by religious authorities in Saudi Arabia to arouse anger about the book and have it banned throughout the world had at first only limited success, even in Arab countries. But soon the dam gave way. There were deadly riots in Kashmir and Islamabad; marches and book burnings in Bolton, Bradford, London, and Oldham; bomb threats against the publisher, Viking Penguin, in New York.
In Tehran, Ayatollah Khomeini was ailing and in crisis. After eight years of war with Iraq and hundreds of thousands of casualties, he had been forced to drink from the “poisoned chalice,” as he put it, and accept a ceasefire with Saddam Hussein. The popularity of the revolutionary regime had declined. Khomeinis son admitted that his father [never read “The Satanic Verses,”](https://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/ayatollah-khomeini-never-read-salman-rushdies-book) but the mullahs around him saw an opportunity to reassert the Ayatollahs authority at home and to expand it abroad, even beyond the reach of his Shia followers. Khomeini issued the fatwa calling for Rushdies execution. As Kenan Malik writes in “[From Fatwa to Jihad](https://www.amazon.com/Fatwa-Jihad-Rushdie-Affair-Aftermath/dp/193555400X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=15195X2J06HL2&keywords=From+Fatwa+to+Jihad&qid=1675701427&s=books&sprefix=from+fatwa+to+jihad%2Cstripbooks%2C94&sr=1-1),” the edict “was a sign of weakness rather than of strength,” a matter more of politics than of theology.
A reporter from the BBC called Rushdie at home and said, “How does it feel to know that you have just been sentenced to death by the Ayatollah Khomeini?”
Rushdie thought, *Im a dead man. Thats it. One day. Two days.* For the rest of his life, he would no longer be merely a storyteller; he would be a story, a controversy, an affair.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a23829)
“Is it too matchy-matchy?”
Cartoon by Sofia Warren
After speaking with a few more reporters, Rushdie went to a memorial service for his close friend Bruce Chatwin. Many of his friends were there. Some expressed concern, others tried consolation via wisecrack. “Next week well be back here for you!” Paul Theroux said. In those early days, Theroux recalled in a letter to Rushdie, he thought the fatwa was “a very bad joke, a bit like Papa Doc Duvalier putting a voodoo curse on Graham Greene for writing The Comedians.’ ” After the service, Martin Amis picked up a newspaper that carried the headline “*EXECUTE RUSHDIE ORDERS THE AYATOLLAH*.” Rushdie, Amis thought, had now “vanished into the front page.”
For the next decade, Rushdie lived underground, guarded by officers of the Special Branch, a unit of Londons Metropolitan Police. The headlines and the threats were unceasing. People behaved well. People behaved disgracefully. There were friends of great constancy—Buford, Amis, James Fenton, Ian McEwan, Nigella Lawson, Christopher Hitchens, many more—and yet some regarded the fatwa as a problem Rushdie had brought on himself. Prince Charles made his antipathy clear at a dinner party that Amis attended: What should you expect if you insult peoples deepest convictions? John le Carré instructed Rushdie to withdraw his book “until a calmer time has come.” Roald Dahl branded him a “dangerous opportunist” who “knew exactly what he was doing and cannot plead otherwise.” The singer-songwriter Cat Stevens, who had a hit with “Peace Train” and converted to Islam, said, “The Quran makes it clear—if someone defames the Prophet, then he must die.” Germaine Greer, George Steiner, and Auberon Waugh all expressed their disapproval. So did Jimmy Carter, the British Foreign Secretary, and the Archbishop of Canterbury.
Among his detractors, an image hardened of a Rushdie who was dismissive of Muslim sensitivities and, above all, ungrateful for the expensive protection the government was providing him. The historian Hugh Trevor-Roper remarked, “I would not shed a tear if some British Muslims, deploring his manners, should waylay him in a dark street and seek to improve them. If that should cause him thereafter to control his pen, society would benefit, and literature would not suffer.”
The horror was that, thanks to Khomeinis cruel edict, so many people did suffer. In separate incidents, Hitoshi Igarashi, the novels Japanese translator, and Ettore Capriolo, its Italian translator, were stabbed, Igarashi fatally; the books Norwegian publisher, William Nygaard, was fortunate to survive being shot multiple times. Bookshops from London to Berkeley were firebombed. Meanwhile, the Swedish Academy, the organization in Stockholm that awards the annual Nobel Prize in Literature, declined to issue a statement in support of Rushdie. This was a silence that went unbroken for decades.
Rushdie was in ten kinds of misery. His marriage to the novelist Marianne Wiggins fell apart. He was consumed by worry for the safety of his young son, Zafar. Initially, he maintained a language of bravado—“Frankly, I wish I had written a more critical book,” he told a reporter the day that the fatwa was announced—but he was living, he wrote, “in a waking nightmare.” “The Satanic Verses” was a sympathetic book about the plight of the deracinated, the very same young people he now saw on the evening news burning him in effigy. His antagonists were not merely offended; they insisted on a right not to be offended. As he told me, “This paradox is part of the story of my life.”
It was part of a still larger paradox. “The Satanic Verses” was published at a time when liberty was ascendant: by late 1989, the Berlin Wall had fallen; in the Soviet Union, the authority of the Communist Party was imploding. And yet the Rushdie affair prefigured other historical trends: struggles over multiculturalism and the boundaries of free speech; the rise of radical Islam and the reaction to it.
For some young writers, the work proved intensely generative. The playwright and novelist Ayad Akhtar, who is now the president of *PEN* America, grew up in a Muslim community in Milwaukee. He told me he remembers how friends and loved ones were gravely offended by “The Satanic Verses”; at the same time, the novel changed his life. “It was one of those experiences where I couldnt believe what I was reading, both the beauty of it and, as a believing Muslim, I grappled with the shock of its extraordinary irreverence,” he said. “By the time I got to the end of that book, I was a different person. I suppose it was like being a young believing Irish Catholic in the twenties and encountering A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.’ ”
Amid the convulsions of the late nineteen-eighties, though, the book was vilified by people who knew it only through caricature and vitriol. A novelist who had set out to write about the complexities of South Asians in London was now, in mosques around the city and around the world, described as a figure of traitorous evil. Rushdie, out of a desire to calm the waters, met with a group of local Muslim leaders and signed a declaration affirming his faith in Islam. It was, he reasoned, true in a way: although he did not believe in supernaturalism or the orthodoxies of the creed, he had regard for the culture and civilization of Islam. He now attested that he did not agree with any statement made by any character in the novel that cast aspersions on Islam or the Prophet Muhammad, and that he would suspend the publication of the paperback edition “while any risk of further offense exists.”
Ayatollah Khomeini had died by this time, and his successor, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, was unmoved. His response was that the fatwa would remain in place even if Rushdie “repents and becomes the most pious man of his time.” A newspaper in Tehran advised Rushdie to “prepare for death.”
He was humiliated. It had been a mistake, he decided, to try to appease those who wanted his head. He would not make it again. As he put it in “Joseph Anton”:
> He needed to understand that there were people who would never love him. No matter how carefully he explained his work or clarified his intentions in creating it, they would not love him. The unreasoning mind, driven by the doubt-free absolutes of faith, could not be convinced by reason. Those who had demonized him would never say, “Oh, look, hes not a demon after all.” . . . He needed, now, to be clear of what he was fighting for. Freedom of speech, freedom of the imagination, freedom from fear, and the beautiful, ancient art of which he was privileged to be a practitioner. Also skepticism, irreverence, doubt, satire, comedy, and unholy glee. He would never again flinch from the defense of these things.
Since 1989, Rushdie has had to shut out not only the threats to his person but the constant dissections of his character, in the press and beyond. “There was a moment when there was a me floating around that had been invented to show what a bad person I was,” he said. “ Evil. Arrogant. Terrible writer. Nobody wouldve read him if there hadnt been an attack against his book. Et cetera. Ive had to fight back against that false self. My mother used to say that her way of dealing with unhappiness was to forget it. She said, Some people have a memory. I have a forget-ory.’ ”
Rushdie went on, “I just thought, There are various ways in which this event can destroy me as an artist.” He could refrain from writing altogether. He could write “revenge books” that would make him a creature of circumstances. Or he could write “scared books,” novels that “shy away from things, because you worry about how people will react to them.” But he didnt want the fatwa to become a determining event in his literary trajectory: “If somebody arrives from another planet who has never heard of anything that happened to me, and just has the books on the shelf and reads them chronologically, I dont think that alien would think, Something terrible happened to this writer in 1989. The books go on their own journey. And that was really an act of will.”
Some people in Rushdies circle and beyond are convinced that, in the intervening decades, self-censorship, a fear of giving offense, has too often become the order of the day. His friend Hanif Kureishi has said, “Nobody would have the balls today to write The Satanic Verses, let alone publish it.”
At the height of the fatwa, Rushdie set out to make good on a promise to his son, Zafar, and complete a book of stories, tales that he told the boy in his bath. That book, which appeared in 1990, is “[Haroun and the Sea of Stories](https://www.amazon.com/Haroun-Sea-Stories-Salman-Rushdie/dp/0140157379/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Haroun+and+the+Sea+of+Stories&qid=1675701668&s=books&sr=1-1).” (Haroun is Zafars middle name.) It concerns a twelve-year-old boys attempt to restore his fathers gift for storytelling. “Luck has a way of running out without the slightest warning,” Rushdie writes, and so it has been with Rashid, the Shah of Blah, a storyteller. His wife leaves him; he loses his gift. When he opens his mouth, he can say only “Ark, ark, ark.” His nemesis is the Cultmaster, a tyrant from the land of Chup, who opposes “stories and fancies and dreams,” and imposes Silence Laws on his subjects; some of his devotees “work themselves up into great frenzies and sew their lips together with stout twine.” In the end, the son is a savior, and stories triumph over tyranny. “My father has definitely not given up,” Haroun concludes. “You cant cut off his Story Water supply.” And so, in the midst of a nightmare, Rushdie wrote one of his most enjoyable books, and an allegory of the necessity and the resilience of art.
Among the stories Rushdie was determined to tell was the story of his life. This required a factual approach, and when he published that memoir, “Joseph Anton,” a decade ago, he intended to be self-scrutinizing, tougher on himself than on anybody else. That is not invariably the case. He is harsh about publishers who, while standing fully behind Rushdie and his novel, felt it necessary to make compromises along the way (notably, delaying paperback publication) to protect the lives of their staffs. Some of the passages about his second, third, and fourth wives—Marianne Wiggins, Elizabeth West, and Padma Lakshmi—are unkind, even vindictive. He is, in general, not known for restraint in his public utterances, and his responses to personal and literary chastisements are sometimes ill-tempered. In some ways, “Joseph Anton” reminded me of Solzhenitsyns memoir “The Oak and the Calf,” not because the two writers share similar personalities or politics but because both, while showing extraordinary courage, remain human, sometimes heroic and sometimes petulant.
At the end of “Joseph Anton”—the title is his fatwa-era code name, the first names of two favorite writers, Conrad and Chekhov—there is a movement into the light, a resolution. His “little battle,” he wrote in the final pages, “was coming to an end.” With a sense of joy, he embarks on a new novel:
> This in the end was who he was, a teller of tales, a creator of shapes, a maker of things that were not. It would be wise to withdraw from the world of commentary and polemic and rededicate himself to what he loved most, the art that had claimed his heart, mind and spirit ever since he was a young man, and to live again in the universe of once upon a time, of *kan ma kan*, it was so and it was not so, and to make the journey to the truth upon the waters of make-believe.
Rushdie moved to New York and tried to put the turmoil behind him.
On the night of August 11th, a twenty-four-year-old man named Hadi Matar slept under the stars on the grounds of the Chautauqua Institution. His parents, Hassan Matar and Silvana Fardos, came from Yaroun, Lebanon, a village just north of the Israeli border, and immigrated to California, where Hadi was born. In 2004, they divorced. Hassan Matar returned to Lebanon; Silvana Fardos, her son, and her twin daughters eventually moved to New Jersey. In recent years, the family has lived in a two-story house in Fairview, a suburb across the Hudson River from Manhattan.
In 2018, Matar went to Lebanon to visit his father. At least initially, the journey was not a success. “The first hour he gets there he called me, he wanted to come back,” Fardos told a reporter for the *Daily Mail*. “He stayed for approximately twenty-eight days, but the trip did not go well with his father, he felt very alone.”
When he returned to New Jersey, Matar became a more devout Muslim. He was also withdrawn and distant; he took to criticizing his mother for failing to provide a proper religious upbringing. “I was expecting him to come back motivated, to complete school, to get his degree and a job,” Fardos said. Instead, she said, Matar stashed himself away in the basement, where he stayed up all night, reading and playing video games, and slept during the day. He held a job at a nearby Marshalls, the discount department store, but quit after a couple of months. Many weeks would go by without his saying a word to his mother or his sisters.
Matar did occasionally venture out of the house. He joined the State of Fitness Boxing Club, a gym in North Bergen, a couple of miles away, and took evening classes: jump rope, speed bag, heavy bag, sparring. He impressed no one with his skills. The owner, a firefighter named Desmond Boyle, takes pride in drawing out the people who come to his gym. He had no luck with Matar. “The only way to describe him was that every time you saw him it seemed like the worst day of his life,” Boyle told me. “There was always this look on him that his dog had just died, a look of sadness and dread every day. After he was here for a while, I tried to reach out to him, and he barely whispered back.” He kept his distance from everyone else in the class. As Boyle put it, Matar was “the definition of a lone wolf.” In early August, Matar sent an e-mail to the gym dropping his membership. On the header, next to his name, was the image of the current Supreme Leader of Iran.
Matar read about Rushdies upcoming event at Chautauqua on Twitter. On August 11th, he took a bus to Buffalo and then hired a Lyft to bring him to the grounds. He bought a ticket for Rushdies appearance and killed time. “I was hanging around pretty much,” he said in a brief interview in the New York *Post*. “Not doing anything in particular, just walking around.”
In Zadie Smiths “White Teeth,” a radicalized young man named Millat joins a group called *KEVIN* (Keepers of the Eternal and Victorious Islamic Nation) and, along with some like-minded friends, heads for a demonstration against an offending novel and its author: “ You read it? asked Ranil, as they whizzed past Finsbury Park. There was a general pause. Millat said, I havent exackly read it exackly—but I know all about that shit, yeah? To be more precise, Millat hadnt read it.” Neither had Matar. He had looked at only a couple of pages of “The Satanic Verses,” but he had watched videos of Rushdie on YouTube. “I dont like him very much,” he told the *Post*. “Hes someone who attacked Islam, he attacked their beliefs, the belief systems.” He pronounced the author “disingenuous.”
Rushdie was accustomed to events like the one at Chautauqua. He had done countless readings, panels, and lectures, even revelled in them. His partner onstage, Henry Reese, had not. To settle his nerves, Reese took a deep breath and gazed out at the crowd. It was calming, all the friendly, expectant faces. Then there was noise—quick steps, a huffing and puffing, an exertion. Reese turned to the noise, to Rushdie. A black-clad man was all over the writer. At first, Reese said, “I thought it was a prank, some really bad-taste imitation attack, something like the Will Smith slap.” Then he saw blood on Rushdies neck, blood flecked on the backdrop with Chautauqua signage. “It then became clear there was a knife there, but at first it seemed like just hitting. For a second, I froze. Then I went after the guy. Instinctively. I ran over and tackled him at the back and held him by his legs.” Matar had stabbed Rushdie about a dozen times. Now he turned on Reese and stabbed him, too, opening a gash above his eye.
A doctor who had had breakfast with Rushdie that morning was sitting on the aisle in the second row. He got out of his seat, charged up the stairs, and headed for the melee. Later, the doctor, who asked me not to use his name, said he was sure that Reese, by tackling Matar, had helped save the writers life. A New York state trooper put Matar in handcuffs and led him off the stage.
Rushdie was on his back, still conscious, bleeding from stab wounds to the right side of his neck and face, his left hand, and his abdomen just under his rib cage. By now, a firefighter was at Rushdies side, along with four doctors—an anesthesiologist, a radiologist, an internist, and an obstetrician. Two of the doctors held Rushdies legs up to return blood flow to the body. The fireman had one hand on the right side of Rushdies neck to stanch the bleeding and another hand near his eye. The fireman told Rushdie, “Dont blink your eye, we are trying to stop the bleeding. Keep it closed.” Rushdie was responsive. “O.K. I agree,” he said. “I understand.”
Rushdies left hand was bleeding badly. Using a pair of scissors, one of the doctors cut the sleeve off his jacket and tried to stanch the wound with a clean handkerchief. Within seconds, the handkerchief was saturated, the blood coming out “like holy hell,” the doctor recalled. Someone handed him a bunch of paper towels. “I squeezed the tissues as hard as I possibly could.”
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a26551)
“Im going to exaggerate the size of the fish.”
Cartoon by Frank Cotham
“Whats going on with my left hand?” Rushdie said. “It hurts so much!” There was a spreading pool of blood near his left hip.
E.M.T.s arrived, hooked Rushdie up to an I.V., and eased him onto a stretcher. They wheeled him out of the amphitheatre and got him on a helicopter, which transferred him to a Level 2 trauma center, Hamot, part of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, in Erie, Pennsylvania.
Rushdie had travelled alone to Chautauqua. Back in New York, his wife, Rachel Eliza Griffiths, got a call at around midday telling her that her husband had been attacked and was in surgery. She raced to arrange a flight to Erie and get to the hospital. When she arrived, he was still in the operating room.
In Chautauqua, people walked around the grounds in a daze. As one of the doctors who had run onto the stage to help Rushdie told me, “Chautauqua was the one place where I felt completely at ease. For a second, it was like a dream. And then it wasnt. It made no sense, then it made all the sense in the world.”
Rushdie was hospitalized for six weeks. In the months since his release, he has mostly stayed home save for trips to doctors, sometimes two or three a day. Hed lived without security for more than two decades. Now hes had to rethink that.
Just before Christmas, on a cold and rainy morning, I arrived at the midtown office of Andrew Wylie, Rushdies literary agent, where wed arranged to meet. After a while, I heard the door to the agency open. Rushdie, in an accent that bears traces of all his cities—Bombay, London, New York—was greeting agents and assistants, people he had not seen in many months. The sight of him making his way down the hall was startling: He has lost more than forty pounds since the stabbing. The right lens of his eyeglasses is blacked over. The attack left him blind in that eye, and he now usually reads with an iPad so that he can adjust the light and the size of the type. There is scar tissue on the right side of his face. He speaks as fluently as ever, but his lower lip droops on one side. The ulnar nerve in his left hand was badly damaged.
Rushdie took off his coat and settled into a chair across from his agents desk. I asked how his spirits were.
“Well, you know, Ive been better,” he said dryly. “But, considering what happened, Im not so bad. As you can see, the big injuries are healed, essentially. I have feeling in my thumb and index finger and in the bottom half of the palm. Im doing a lot of hand therapy, and Im told that Im doing very well.”
“Can you type?”
“Not very well, because of the lack of feeling in the fingertips of these fingers.”
What about writing?
“I just write more slowly. But Im getting there.”
Sleeping has not always been easy. “There have been nightmares—not exactly the incident, but just frightening. Those seem to be diminishing. Im fine. Im able to get up and walk around. When I say Im fine, I mean, theres bits of my body that need constant checkups. It was a colossal attack.”
More than once, Rushdie looked around the office and smiled. “Its great to be back,” he said. “Its someplace which is not a hospital, which is mostly where Ive been to. And to be in this agency is—Ive been coming here for decades, and its a very familiar space to me. And to be able to come here to talk about literature, talk about books, to talk about this novel, Victory City, to be able to talk about the thing that most matters to me . . .”
At this meeting and in subsequent conversations, I sensed conflicting instincts in Rushdie when he replied to questions about his health: there was the instinct to move on—to talk about literary matters, his book, anything but the decades-long fatwa and now the attack—and the instinct to be absolutely frank. “There is such a thing as P.T.S.D., you know,” he said after a while. “Ive found it very, very difficult to write. I sit down to write, and nothing happens. I write, but its a combination of blankness and junk, stuff that I write and that I delete the next day. Im not out of that forest yet, really.”
He added, “Ive simply never allowed myself to use the phrase writers block. Everybody has a moment when theres nothing in your head. And you think, Oh, well, theres never going to be anything. One of the things about being seventy-five and having written twenty-one books is that you know that, if you keep at it, something will come.”
Had that happened in the past months?
Rushdie frowned. “Not really. I mean, Ive tried, but not really.” He was only lately “just beginning to feel the return of the juices.”
How to go on living after thinking you had emerged from years of threat, denunciation, and mortal danger? And now how to recover from an attack that came within millimetres of killing you, and try to live, somehow, as if it could never recur?
He seemed grateful for a therapist he had seen since before the attack, a therapist “who has a lot of *work* to do. He knows me and hes very helpful, and I just talk things through.”
The talk was plainly in the service of a long-standing resolution. “Ive always tried very hard not to adopt the role of a victim,” he said. “Then youre just sitting there saying, Somebody stuck a knife in me! Poor me. . . . Which I do sometimes think.” He laughed. “It *hurts*. But what I dont think is: Thats what I want people reading the book to think. I want them to be captured by the tale, to be carried away.”
Many years ago, he recalled, there were people who seemed to grow tired of his persistent existence. “People didnt like it. Because I should have died. Now that Ive *almost* died, everybody loves me. . . . That was my mistake, back then. Not only did I live but I tried to live well. Bad mistake. Get fifteen stab wounds, much better.”
As he lay in the hospital, Rushdie received countless texts and e-mails sending love, wishing for his recovery. “I was in utter shock,” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, the Nigerian novelist, told me. “I just didnt believe he was still in any real danger. For two days, I kept vigil, sending texts to friends all over the world, searching the Internet to make sure he was still alive.” There was a reading in his honor on the steps of the New York Public Library.
For some writers, the shock brought certain issues into hard focus. “The attack on Salman clarified a lot of things for me,” Ayad Akhtar told me. “I know I have a much brighter line that I draw for myself between the potential harms of speech and the freedom of the imagination. They are incommensurate and shouldnt be placed in the same paragraph.”
Rushdie was stirred by the tributes that his near-death inspired. “Its very nice that everybody was so moved by this, you know?” he said. “I had never thought about how people would react if I was assassinated, or almost assassinated.”
And yet, he said, “Im lucky. What I really want to say is that my main overwhelming feeling is gratitude.” He was grateful to those who showed their support. He was grateful to the doctors, the E.M.T. workers, and the fireman in Chautauqua who stanched his wounds, and he was grateful to the surgeons in Erie. “At some point, Id like to go back up there and say thank you.” He was also grateful to his two grown sons, Zafar and Milan, who live in London, and to Griffiths. “She kind of took over at a point when I was helpless.” She dealt with the doctors, the police, and the investigators, and with transport from Pennsylvania to New York. “She just took over everything, as well as having the emotional burden of my almost being killed.”
Did he think it had been a mistake to let his guard down since moving to New York? “Well, Im asking myself that question, and I dont know the answer to it,” he said. “I did have more than twenty years of life. So, is that a mistake? Also, I wrote a lot of books. The Satanic Verses was my fifth published book—my fourth published novel—and this is my twenty-first. So, three-quarters of my life as a writer has happened since the fatwa. In a way, you cant regret your life.”
Whom does he blame for the attack?
“I blame *him*,” he said.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27244)
Cartoon by Tommy Siegel
Anyone else? Was he let down by security at Chautauqua?
“Ive tried very hard over these years to avoid recrimination and bitterness,” he said. “I just think its not a good look. One of the ways Ive dealt with this whole thing is to look forward and not backwards. What happens tomorrow is more important than what happened yesterday.”
The publication of “Victory City,” he made plain, was his focus. Hes interested to see how the novel will be received. Will it be viewed through the prism of the stabbing? He recalled the “sympathy wave” that came with “The Satanic Verses,” how sales shot up with the fatwa. It happened again after he was stabbed nearly to death last summer.
He is eager, always, to talk about the new novels grounding in Indian history and mythology, how the process of writing accelerated, just as it had with “Midnights Children,” once he found the voice of his main character; how the book can be read as an allegory about the abuse of power and the curse of sectarianism—the twin curses of India under its current Prime Minister, the Hindu supremacist [Narendra Modi](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/narendra-modi). But, once more, Rushdie knows, his new novel will have to compete for attention with the ugliness of real life. “Im hoping that to some degree it might change the subject. Ive always thought that my books are more interesting than my life,” he said. “Unfortunately, the world appears to disagree.”
Hadi Matar is being held in the Chautauqua County Jail, in the village of Mayville. Hes been charged with attempted murder in the second degree, which could bring twenty-five years in prison; hes also been charged with assault in the second degree, for the attack on Henry Reese, which could bring an additional seven. The trial is unlikely to take place until next year.
“Its a relatively simple event when you think about it,” Jason Schmidt, the Chautauqua County district attorney, told me. “We know this was a preplanned, unprovoked attack by an individual who had no prior interaction with the criminal-justice system.” The prosecutors job is no doubt made easier by the fact that there were hundreds of witnesses to the crime.
Matar is being represented by Nathaniel Barone, a public defender. At a court hearing not long after the stabbing, Barone accompanied Matar, who wore handcuffs, a face mask, and prison garb with broad black and white stripes. Matars hair and beard were closely cropped. He said very little save for his plea of not guilty. Barone, wearing a suit and tie, stood by his client. He seems unillusioned. When I suggested that he had a near-impossible case, he did not dispute it: “Almost to a person they are saying, What is this guys defense? Everyone saw him do it!’ ” Barone said he has hundreds of expert witnesses on file, and he will be consulting some of them on matters of psychology and radicalization. He also indicated that he might challenge the admissibility of Matars interview with the New York *Post*, saying (without supplying any evidence) that it was possibly obtained under false pretenses. (The *Post* said that its journalist had identified himself and that “Mr. Matar absolutely understood that he was speaking to a reporter.”)
It is unknown if Matar was acting under anyones tutelage or instructions, but the Iranian state media has repeatedly expressed its approval of his attempt to kill Rushdie. Just last month, Hossein Salami, the head of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard, said Matar had acted “bravely” and warned that the staff of the French satirical magazine *Charlie Hebdo*, which had been attacked by Muslim extremists in 2015, should consider “the fate” of Rushdie if it continues to mock Ayatollah Khamenei.
As for Matars mother and her remarks to the press about his behavior and their fraught relationship, Barone sighed and said, “Obviously, its always concerning when you see a description from the mother about your client which can be interpreted in a negative way.” He did not contest her remarks.
Barone has met with Matar on his cellblock and has found him coöperative. “Ive had absolutely no problems with Mr. Matar,” he said. “He has been cordial and respectful, openly discussing things with me. He is a very sincere young man. It would be like meeting any young man. Theres nothing that sets him apart.”
Matar is in a “private area” of the cellblock. He spends much of his time reading the Quran and other material. “Im getting to know him, but its not easy,” Barone said. “The reality of sitting in jail, incarcerated—its easy to have no hope. Its easy to think things arent going to work out for you. But I tell clients you have to have hope.” He assured me that Matar “isnt taking this lightly. Some people just dont give a damn about things.”
Does he show any remorse?
Barone replied that he could not say “at this point.”
Rushdie told me that he thought of Matar as an “idiot.” He paused and, aware that it wasnt much of an observation, said, “I dont know what I think of him, because I dont know him.” One had a faint sense of a writer grappling with a character—and a human being grappling with a nemesis—who remains frustratingly vaporous. “All Ive seen is his idiotic interview in the New York *Post*. Which only an idiot would do. I know that the trial is still a long way away. It might not happen until late next year. I guess Ill find out some more about him then.”
Rushdie has spent these past months healing. Hes watched his share of “crap television.” He couldnt find anything or anyone to like in “The White Lotus” (“Awful!”) or [the Netflix documentary on Meghan and Harry](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/meghan-and-harrys-netflix-fairy-tale) (“The banality of it!”). The World Cup was an extended pleasure, though. He was thrilled by the advance of the Moroccans and the preternatural performances of Frances Kylian Mbappé and Argentinas Lionel Messi, and he was moved by the support shown by players for the protests in Iran, which he hopes could be a “tipping point” for the regime in Tehran.
There will, of course, be no book tour for “Victory City.” But so long as his health is good and security is squared away he is hoping to go to London for the opening of “Helen,” his play about Helen of Troy. “Im going to tell you really truthfully, Im not thinking about the long term,” he said. “Im thinking about little step by little step. I just think, Bop till you drop.”
When we picked up the subject a couple of weeks later, in a conversation over Zoom, he said, “Ive got nothing else to do. I would like to have a second skill, but I dont. I always envied writers like Günter Grass, who had a second career as a visual artist. I thought how nice it must be to spend a day wrestling with words, and then get up and walk down the street to your art studio and become something completely else. I dont have that. So, all I can do is this. As long as theres a story that I think is worth giving my time to, then I will. When I have a book in my head, its as if the rest of the world is in its correct shape.”
Its “depressing” when hes struggling at his desk, he admits. He wonders if the stories will come. But hes still there, putting in the time.
Rushdie looked around his desk, gestured to the books that line the walls of his study. “I feel everythings O.K. when Im sitting here, and I have something to think about,” he said. “Because that takes over from the outside world. Of course, the interior world is connected to the exterior world, but, when you are in the act of making, it takes over from everything else.”
For now, he has set aside the idea for a novel inspired by Kafka and Mann, and is thinking through a kind of sequel to “Joseph Anton.” At first, he was irritated by the idea, “because it felt almost like it was being forced on me—the attack demanded that I should write about the attack.” In recent weeks, though, the idea has taken hold. Rushdies books tend to be *IMAX*\-scale, large-cast productions, but in order to write about the attack in Chautauqua, an event that took place in a matter of seconds, he envisions something more “microscopic.”
And the voice would be different. The slightly distanced, third-person voice that “Joseph Anton” employed seems wrong for the task. “This doesnt feel third-person-ish to me,” Rushdie said. “I think when somebody sticks a knife into you, thats a first-person story. Thats an I story.” ♦
 
 
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^button-TheHistoryoftheJanuary6thInsurrectionNSave
 
# The Devastating New History of the January 6th Insurrection
*The New Yorker is publishing the full report of the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack, in partnership with Celadon Books. The edition contains a foreword by the magazines editor, David Remnick, which youll find below, and an epilogue by Representative Jamie Raskin, a member of the committee. [Order the full report](https://store.newyorker.com/products/january-6th-report)*.
In the weeks while the House select committee to investigate the insurrection at the Capitol was finishing its report, Donald Trump, the focus of its inquiry, betrayed no sense of alarm or self-awareness. At his country-club exile in Palm Beach, Trump ignored the failures of his favored candidates in the midterm elections and announced that he was running again for President. He dined cheerfully and unapologetically with a spiralling Kanye West and a young neo-fascist named Nick Fuentes. He mocked the governments insistence that he turn over all the classified documents that hed hoarded as personal property. Finally, he declared that he had a “major announcement,” only to unveil the latest in a lifetime of grifts. In the old days, it was Trump University, Trump Steaks, Trump Ice. This time, he was hawking “limited edition” digital trading cards at ninety-nine dollars apiece, illustrated portraits of himself as an astronaut, a sheriff, a superhero. The pitch began with the usual hokum: “Hello everyone, this is Donald Trump, hopefully your favorite President of all time, better than Lincoln, better than Washington.”
In his career as a New York real-estate shyster and tabloid denizen, then as the forty-fifth President of the United States, Trump has been the most transparent of public figures. He does little to conceal his most distinctive characteristics: his racism, misogyny, dishonesty, narcissism, incompetence, cruelty, instability, and corruption. And yet what has kept Trump afloat for so long, what has helped him evade ruin and prosecution, is perhaps his most salient quality: he is shameless. That is the never-apologize-never-explain core of him. Trump is hardly the first dishonest President, the first incurious President, the first liar. But he is the most shameless. His contrition is impossible to conceive. He is insensible to disgrace.
On December 19, 2022, the committee spelled out a devastating set of accusations against Trump: obstruction of an official proceeding; conspiracy to defraud the nation; conspiracy to make false statements; and, most grave of all, inciting, assisting, aiding, or comforting an insurrection. For the first time in the history of the United States, Congress referred a former President to the Department of Justice for criminal prosecution. The criminal referrals have no formal authority, though they could play some role in pushing Jack Smith, the special counsel appointed by Attorney General Merrick Garland, to issue indictments. The report certainly adds immeasurably to the wealth of evidence describing Trumps actions and intentions. One telling example: The committee learned that Hope Hicks, the epitome of a loyal adviser, told Trump more than once in the days leading up to the protest to urge the demonstrators to keep things peaceful. “I suggested it several times Monday and Tuesday and he refused,” she wrote in a text to another adviser. When Hicks questioned Trumps behavior concerning the insurrection and the consequences for his legacy, he made his priorities clear: “Nobody will care about my legacy if I lose. So, that wont matter. The only thing that matters is winning.”
Trump has been similarly dismissive of the committees work, going on the radio to tell Dan Bongino, the host of “The Dan Bongino Show,” that he had been the victim of a “kangaroo court.” On Truth Social, his social-media platform, he appealed to the loyalty of his supporters: “Republicans and Patriots all over the land must stand strong and united against the Thugs and Scoundrels of the Unselect Committee…. These folks dont get it that when they come after me, the people who love freedom rally around me. It strengthens me. What doesnt kill me makes me stronger.”
Experience makes it plain that Trump will just keep going on like this, deflecting, denying, lashing out at his accusers, even if it means that he will end his days howling in a bare and echoing room. It matters little that the report shows that even members of his innermost circle, from his Attorney General to his daughter, know the depths of his vainglorious delusions. He will not repent. He will not change. But the importance of the committees report has far less to do with the spectacle of Trumps unravelling. Its importance resides in the establishment of a historical record, the depth of its evidence, the story it tells of a deliberate, coördinated assault on American democracy that could easily have ended with the kidnapping or assassination of senior elected officials, the emboldenment of extremist groups and militias, and, above all, a stolen election, a coup.
The committee was not alone in its investigation. Many journalists contributed to the steady accretion of facts. But, with the power of subpoena, the committee was able to uncover countless new illuminating details. One example: In mid-December, 2020, the Supreme Court threw out a lawsuit filed by the State of Texas that would have challenged the counting of millions of ballots. Trump, of course, supported the suit. He was furious when it, like dozens of similar suits, was dismissed. According to Cassidy Hutchinson, who worked directly for Mark Meadows, the White House chief of staff, Trump was “raging” about the decision: “He had said something to the effect of, I dont want people to know we lost, Mark. This is embarrassing. Figure it out. We need to figure it out. I dont want people to know that we lost.’”
In large measure, this report is the story of how Trump, humiliated by his loss to Joe Biden, conspired to obstruct Congress, defraud the country he was pledged to serve, and incite an insurrection to keep himself in power.
The origins of the committee and its work are plain: On January 6, 2021, thousands marched on the Capitol in support of Trump and his conspiratorial and wholly fabricated charge that the Presidential election the previous November had been stolen from him. Demonstrators breached police barricades, broke through windows and doors, and ran through the halls of Congress threatening to exact vengeance on the Vice-President, the Speaker of the House, and other officeholders. Seven people died as a result of the insurrection. About a hundred and fourteen law-enforcement officers were injured.
Half a year later, the House of Representatives voted to establish a panel charged with investigating every aspect of the insurrection—including the role of the former President. An earlier attempt in the Senate to convene an investigative panel had met with firm resistance from the Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, who called it an “extraneous” project; despite support from six Republican senators, it failed to get the sixty votes required. It was left to the Democratic leadership in the House to form a committee. The vote, held on June 30, 2021, was largely along party lines, but the U.S. House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol officially came into existence.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi then asked the Republicans to name G.O.P. members to join the panel. The House Minority Leader, Kevin McCarthy, responded by proposing some of the most prominent election deniers in his caucus, including Jim Jordan, of Ohio, who had attended “Stop the Steal” demonstrations and was sure to behave as an ardent obstructionist. Pelosi, who had named Liz Cheney, of Wyoming, to the panel, rejected two of McCarthys five recommendations, saying, “The unprecedented nature of January 6th demands this unprecedented decision.” After conferring with Trump, McCarthy refused to provide alternatives, and abruptly withdrew all of his proposals, gambling that doing so would derail or discredit the initiative. Pelosi, in turn, asked a second Republican who had, with Cheney, voted to impeach the President on a vote held on January 13th—Adam Kinzinger, of Illinois—to serve on the committee. Both Cheney and Kinzinger accepted.
Cheney, a firm conservative and the daughter of former Vice-President Dick Cheney, had made her judgment of Trump well known. “The President of the United States summoned this mob, assembled the mob, and lit the flame of this attack,” she said not long after the insurrection. “Everything that followed was his doing.” She knew that by opposing Trump and joining Kinzinger and the Democrats on the committee she was almost sure to lose her seat in Congress. She didnt care, she said later, declaring her work on the panel, on which she served as vice-chair, the “most important” of her career. The G.O.P. leadership was unimpressed with this declaration of principle. In February, 2022, the Republican National Committee censured both Cheney and Kinzinger.
In deciding how to proceed with its investigation, the committees chairman, Bennie G. Thompson, of Mississippi, along with Liz Cheney and the seven other members, looked to a range of similarly high-profile investigative panels of the past, including the so-called Kefauver Committee, which investigated organized crime, in 1950-51; the Presidents Commission on the Assassination of President John F. Kennedy, known as the Warren Commission, in 1963-64; the Senate Watergate hearings, in 1973; the Iran-Contra hearings, in 1987; and, particularly, the 9/11 Commission, in 2002-04. The committee hired staff investigators who had worked in the Department of Justice and in law enforcement, and they conducted more than a thousand interviews. Teams were color-coded and tasked with making “deep dives” into various aspects of January 6th. The division of labor included a “blue team,” which examined the preparation for and the reaction to events by law enforcement; a “green team,” which examined the financial backing for the plot; a “purple team,” which conducted an analysis of the extremist groups involved in the storming of the Capitol; a “red team,” which studied the rally on the Ellipse and the Stop the Steal movement; and a “gold team,” which looked specifically at Trumps role in the insurrection.
Committee members also insisted on inquiring into whether Trump planned to use emergency powers to overturn the vote, call out the National Guard, and invoke the Insurrection Act. Was Trumps inaction during the rioting on Capitol Hill merely a matter of miserable leadership, or was it a deliberate strategy of fomenting chaos in order to stay in the White House? “That dereliction of duty causes us real concern,” Thompson said. In this way, an inquiry into a specific episode broadened to encompass a topic of still greater significance: Had the President sought to undermine and circumvent the American system of electoral democracy?
The political urgency of the committees work was geared to the calendar. Members had initially hoped to complete and publish a report before the 2022 midterm elections. But that proved impossible, such was the volume of evidence. Still, the committee members knew they could not go on indefinitely. The Republicans were likely to win back a majority in the House, in November, and McCarthy, who was the most likely to succeed Nancy Pelosi as Speaker, would almost certainly choose not to reauthorize the committee, effectively shutting it down; it was also quite possible, they knew, that McCarthy and the Republicans might generate “counter” hearings as an act of retribution.
As the committee began its work, it was soon clear that the Republican leadership in the House had made a tactical error in refusing to appoint any members to the panel. Even Republicans less vociferous than Jordan would have had the power to slow down the investigations, debate points with Democratic members, and appoint less aggressive staff members. Instead, the committee, with its seven Democrats and two anti-Trump Republicans, worked in relative harmony, taking full advantage of a sense of common purpose and the capacities of a congressional committee.
Still, they faced predictable obstacles. Not only did many Trump loyalists refuse to testify; much of the American public was, after so many previous investigations, impeachments, scandals, and news alerts, weary of hearing about the unending saga of Donald Trump. Who would pay attention? What more was there to learn? In a polarized America, who was left to be persuaded? Committee members such as Jamie Raskin, of Maryland, insisted that the real purpose of the investigation was to establish the truth. What prosecutors and the electorate make of those facts is beyond the committees authority.
The committee members determined that they could not go about the hearings in the old way, with day after day of interminable questioning of witnesses. Instead, they needed to produce discrete, well-produced, briskly paced multimedia “episodes” designed to highlight various aspects of the insurrection: its origins, its funding, the behavior of the President, the level of involvement by white nationalists, militias, and other menacing groups. The members agreed that, in an age of peak TV, they needed to present a kind of series, one that was dramatic, accessible, accurate, evidence-rich, and convincing. Ideally, they would provide a narrative that did not merely preach to the converted but reached the millions of Americans who were indifferent to or confused by the unending stream of noise, indirection, hysteria, lying, and chaos that had characterized the hyperpolarized era. The committee also recognized that only a minority would watch the full hearings, much less read every word of a long narrative report months later. They needed to produce the hearings in a way that could also be transmitted effectively in bits on social media and go viral. They needed memorable moments and characters. In the words of one staffer, “We needed to bring things to life.”
To help with that effort, the committee hired an adviser, the British-born television producer James Goldston, who had been a foreign correspondent for the BBC in Northern Ireland and Kosovo. Goldston had also covered the impeachment of Bill Clinton. In 2004, he moved to New York and went to work at ABC, where he ran “Good Morning America” and “Nightline”; between 2014 and 2021, he served as president of ABC News. The committee decided to videotape its depositions, and Goldston was among those who helped to select brief and particularly vivid moments from those long interviews, the way a journalist uses quotations or scenes to enliven a piece of narrative prose. The committees presentations also employed everything from surveillance video to police radio traffic to the e-mails and tweets of government officials, right-wing media personalities, militia leaders, and the insurrectionists on Capitol Hill.
“We live in an era where, no matter how important the subject, its competing for attention,” Goldston told a reporter for TheWrap. “People are distracted, people have got a lot going on. And so, the hope was, by bringing these new techniques to this format, that we could engage people in a way that perhaps they wouldnt otherwise have been.” The second prime-time hearing brought in nearly eighteen million viewers, an audience comparable to NBCs “Sunday Night Football.” The Republican House leadership was predictably unimpressed with the committees commitment to narrative, prompting Kevin McCarthy to say that the Democrats had hired Goldston to “choreograph their Jan. 6 political theater.”
The committees published report does not have a single authorial voice. Rather, it is a collaborative effort written mainly by a team of investigators and staffers, with input from members of the committee. And, while it lacks a mediating, consistent voice, it is a startlingly rich narrative, thick with details of malevolent intent, political conspiracy, sickening violence, and human folly. There is no question that historians will feast on these pages; what the Department of Justice does with this evidence remains to be seen.
At times, theres comedy embedded in this tragic narrative. A figure such as Eric Herschmann, a Trump adviser, holds the stage long enough to recount telling the Trump lawyer John Eastman that his plan to overturn the election is “completely crazy”: “Are you out of your effing mind?” And: “Get a great effing criminal defense lawyer. Youre gonna need it.” Viewers of Herschmanns deliciously profane taped testimony were transfixed by at least two artifacts on the wall behind him: a baseball bat with the word “Justice” written on it and a print of “Wild Thing,” Rob Pruitts image of a panda, which also makes an appearance in the erotic thriller “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Anyone who watched the hearings and who now reads this report will dwell at times on the outsized figures who emerge, either in their own testimony or as described by others: the neo-fascistic campaign strategist and onetime White House aide Steve Bannon; the blandly ambitious Mark Meadows, the chief of staff in the final year of the Trump Administration; and, of course, the oft-inebriated Rudy Giuliani, the onetime New York City mayor and Trumps personal lawyer.
Time and again, senior figures in the drama refused to testify, hiding behind claims of executive privilege. The report includes many comical instances of would-be witnesses claiming their Fifth Amendment rights and refusing to answer questions as benign as where they went to college. And so it was often the junior staffers in the Administration, with far less to spend on legal fees and with their futures at risk, who stepped forward to describe what they had seen and heard. The most memorable such episode came on June 28th, when Cassidy Hutchinson, the earnest young aide to Meadows, testified live before the committee. Hutchinson had already been deposed four times, for a total of more than twenty hours. Liz Cheney, as the vice-chair, began the session by announcing that Hutchinson had received an ominous phone call from someone in Trumps circle saying, “He wants me to let you know hes thinking about you. He knows youre loyal. And youre going to do the right thing when you go in for your deposition.” Cheney bluntly referred to this as tantamount to witness tampering. When the report and its accompanying materials were finally released, we learned that Hutchinson told the committee that a former Trump White House lawyer named Stefan Passantino, who represented her early in the process, had instructed her to feign a faulty memory and “focus on protecting the President.” She said Passantino made it plain that he would help find her “a really good job in Trump world” so long as she protected “the family.” Hutchinson also testified that an aide to Meadows, Ben Williamson, had passed along a message from Meadows that he “knows that youll do the right thing tomorrow and that youre going to protect him and the boss.”
But Hutchinson, who had been a loyal staffer in the Trump White House, privy to countless conversations in and around the offices of the President and the chief of staff, would not be intimidated. She found new counsel and thwarted the thuggish attempts to gain her silence, delivering some of the most damning testimony of the investigation. She described conversations, some secondhand, that made it plain that Trump knew full well that he had lost the election but would stop at nothing to keep power. Because of her preternatural calm before the microphone, the uninflected, more-in-sadness-than-in-anger tone of her delivery, Hutchinson was often compared to John Dean, the White House counsel under Richard Nixon, who emerged from the Watergate hearings as the most memorable and decisive witness.
But the nature of Hutchinsons testimony, in keeping with the era, was distinctly more lurid than Deans. She recalled how Trump hurled his lunch against the wall, splattering ketchup everywhere, when he learned that Attorney General William Barr had publicly declared that there was, in fact, no evidence of election fraud. On other occasions, she said, the President pulled out “the tablecloth to let all the contents of the table go onto the floor and likely break or go everywhere.” She recounted the names of the many Trumpists—including Meadows, Giuliani, Matt Gaetz, and Louie Gohmert—who had requested that Trump grant them pardons in connection with the Capitol attack. She said that, three days before the insurrection, the White House counsel, Pat Cipollone, told Trump that, if he carried out his plan to march to the Capitol with the crowds, “were going to get charged with every crime imaginable.” Hutchinson testified that on January 6th Cipollone told Meadows, “Theyre literally calling for the Vice President to be effing hung.” As she recalled, “Mark had responded something to the effect of You heard him, Pat. He thinks Mike deserves it. He doesnt think theyre doing anything wrong.
Finally, Hutchinson made it clear just how much Trump had wanted to join the insurrectionists on Capitol Hill. Trump was so incensed with his Secret Service detail for refusing to take him there, she testified, that he lunged at the agent driving his car and struggled for the wheel. The report corroborates Hutchinsons testimony, saying that the “vast majority” of its law-enforcement sources described a “furious interaction” between the President and his security contingent in his S.U.V. The sources said that Trump was “furious,” “insistent,” “profane,” and “heated.” The committee concluded that Trump had hoped to lead the effort to overturn the election either from inside the House chamber or from a stage outside the building.
Hutchinson was equally forthright about Trumps disregard for public safety. Despite being told that many of the supporters who came out to see him speak on January 6th were armed, she said, Trump insisted that the Secret Service remove the “mags”—the metal detectors. He was not terribly concerned that someone might be killed or injured, so long as it wasnt him. “I dont fucking care that they have weapons,” he said, according to Hutchinson. “Theyre not here to hurt me.”
The insurrection at the Capitol was of such grave consequence for liberal democracy and the rule of law that commentators have struggled ever since to find some historical precedent to provide context and understanding to a nation in a state of continuing crisis. Some thought immediately of the sack of the Capitol, in 1814, though the perpetrators then were foreign, soldiers of the British crown. Others have pointed to contested Presidential elections of the past—1824, 1876, 1960, 2000—but those ballots were certified, peacefully and lawfully, by Congress. None of the losers sought to foment an uprising or create a national insurgency. Compare Trumps self-absorption and rage with Al Gores graceful acceptance of the Supreme Courts decision handing the election to George W. Bush: “Tonight, for the sake of our unity as a people and the strength of our democracy, I offer my concession.”
Still, there have been efforts to overturn the constitutional order, notably in the “secession winter” of 1860-61, when seven slaveholding states, having warned that they would never accept the election of Abraham Lincoln, declared themselves in opposition to the United States itself. As Lincoln prepared for his inauguration, to be held in March, he received a series of warnings that an army raised in Virginia might invade Washington, D.C. So prevalent were the rumors of a Confederate conspiracy that Congress assembled a committee to “inquire whether a secret organization hostile to the government of the United States exists in the District of Columbia.” Lincoln was particularly concerned about a potential plot to undermine the counting of electors, an event scheduled for February. In the end, John Breckinridge, James Buchanans Vice-President and a loser in the 1860 Presidential race, obeyed the law. Although Breckinridge was sympathetic to the secessionist cause, he presided with “Roman fidelity” at the certification vote, according to Representative Henry Dawes, of Massachusetts, “and the nation was saved.” But only temporarily. On April 12, 1861, the South Carolina militia opened fire on the Union garrison at Fort Sumter and the Civil War began.
A civil war, in the nineteenth-century understanding of the term, is not at hand. But what makes the events of January 6, 2021, so alarming is that they were inspired and incited by the President of the United States, Donald Trump, who remains popular among so many Republicans and a contender to return to the White House.
The events of January 6th were the culmination of a long campaign that Trump and members of his circle have led against the legitimacy of American elections. The campaigns most powerful weapon was the undermining of truth itself, the insidious deployment of conspiracy theories and “alternative facts.”
Trump first announced his emergence from the worlds of New York real estate and reality-show television by declaring that Barack Obama, the first Black President, had been born in Kenya, not Hawaii, and was, therefore, ineligible to hold office. After joining the 2016 Presidential race, Trump continued to traffic in casual accusations and unfounded conspiracy theories: Ted Cruzs father was an associate of Lee Harvey Oswald. Antonin Scalia might have been murdered. Obama and Joe Biden might have staged the killing of Osama bin Laden with a body double. Trump welcomed the endorsement of the professional conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, who had earlier claimed that Hillary Clinton had “personally murdered and chopped up and raped” children, and that the mass murder at Sandy Hook had been “staged.” The most consequential conspiracy theory of Trumps political career, however, charged that American elections were rigged.
In 2016, Trump, once he had a hold on the Republican Party nomination, began the process of undermining confidence in the entire electoral system. The reporter Jonathan Lemire, in his book, “The Big Lie,” recalls attending a rally, in Columbus, Ohio, at which Trump told his followers, weeks before the nominating Convention, “Im afraid the election is going to be rigged, I have to be honest.” On Fox News, talking with Sean Hannity, Trump again expressed his doubts: “I hope the Republicans are watching closely, or its going to be taken away from us.” Trump began to warn that he was not necessarily prepared to accede to the election results. At one of the Presidential debates, the moderator, Chris Wallace, asked Trump if he would make a commitment to accept the outcome, no matter what. Trump refused: “I will look at it at the time. What Ive seen is so bad.”
Clinton won the popular vote by a margin of more than two per cent, but, because she fell well short in the Electoral College, there was no compulsion on Trumps part to consider extralegal action. But four years later, as Trump lagged behind Joe Biden in the polls, he revived the theme. “MILLIONS OF MAIL-IN BALLOTS WILL BE PRINTED BY FOREIGN COUNTRIES, AND OTHERS,” he tweeted. “IT WILL BE THE SCANDAL OF OUR TIMES!” Once more, Trump refused to promise a peaceful transfer of power. A month and a half before the election, he said, “Get rid of the ballots and youll have a very peaceful—there wont be a transfer, frankly. There will be a continuation.”
This kind of rhetoric was of grave concern to Democrats, including Speaker Pelosi, who privately told confidants, “Hes going to try to steal it.” And, not long after the voting ended, the tweets from Trump began:
> Last night I was leading, often solidly, in many key States, in almost all instances Democrat run & controlled. Then, one by one, they started to magically disappear as surprise ballot dumps were counted. VERY STRANGE, and the pollsters got it completely & historically wrong!
> They are finding Biden votes all over the place—in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Michigan. So bad for our Country!
On November 7th, the Associated Press, Fox News, and, soon, all the other major news outlets called Pennsylvania, and the election, for Biden. The battleground states—Pennsylvania, Michigan, Georgia, Arizona, and Wisconsin—all went Bidens way, and, in the end, he won 306 electoral votes to Trumps 232. In his victory speech, the President-elect said, “Its time to put away the harsh rhetoric. To lower the temperature.”
This was a vain hope. As the Trump White House emptied, a motley assemblage of satraps and third-raters—Giuliani; a former federal prosecutor, Sidney Powell; the MyPillow C.E.O., Mike Lindell; the former law professor and Federalist Society leader John Eastman—stayed behind to encourage Trump in his most conspiratorial fantasies and schemes. In their effort to challenge election results in various states, Trumps lawyers filed sixty-two federal and state lawsuits. They lost sixty-one of those suits, winning only on an inconsequential technical matter in Pennsylvania. By mid-December, even Mitch McConnell began referring to “President-elect Joe Biden.” When Trump called to berate him for conceding the ballot, McConnell, for once, stood up to him. “The Electoral College has spoken,” he said. “You lost the election.”
The only option Trump had left was to challenge the certification of the vote. With Eastman in the lead, his team concocted a plan that called on Vice-President Pence to declare that voting in seven states was still in dispute and to eliminate those electors. If the remaining forty-three states put forward their electors, Trump would win the election, 232222. As part of that plan—what Chairman Thompson called, from the first day of the hearings, “an attempted coup”—Trump pressured government and election officials to coöperate. Former Deputy Attorney General Richard Donoghue testified that Trump did not conceal his intent, telling Donoghue, “What Im asking you to do is just say it was corrupt and leave the rest to me and the Republican congressmen.” Once Trump unleashed his campaign of intimidation against local election officials, the death threats against those officials came from all directions. Ruby Freeman, an election worker in Georgia, testified, “There is nowhere I feel safe. Nowhere. Do you know how it feels to have the President of the United States target you?”
Another version of the plan had Pence calling for a ten-day-long recess and sending the slates back to the so-called “disputed” states. Eastman himself conceded that this plan would be rejected unanimously by the Supreme Court. Even so, the White House could surely be retained if Trump could convince Pence to “do the right thing.”
On the night of January 5th, the President met with Pence at the White House and tried to pressure him into adopting the scheme that Eastman had devised. For years, Pence had been the most loyal of deputies, never daring to challenge the falsehoods or the cruelties of his master. Trump, after all, had rescued him from political oblivion. But Pence would not go along with the plot. His job on January 6th, he told the President, was ceremonial. He was only there “to open envelopes.”
Trump was outraged. “Youve betrayed us,” he told Pence. “I made you. You were nothing.”
The committees report is not a work of scholarship removed from its era. It was compiled by politicians and staff members and published at a moment of continuing peril and uncertainty. And the committee was formed in the contrails of the terrifying episode it was charged with investigating.
Although an abundance of new details has surfaced, the contours of what happened have never been in doubt. The events on January 6, 2021, began with a well-planned rally on the Ellipse, the fifty-two-acre park south of the White House. Trump had tweeted in advance, “Be there, will be wild!” Katrina Pierson, a spokeswoman for Trumps 2016 campaign and one of the organizers of the rally, had texted another organizer saying that Trump “likes the crazies,” and wanted Alex Jones to be among the speakers. Jones did not speak, but Trump himself supplied the inflammatory rhetoric. In the seventy-minute-long speech he gave on the Ellipse, he told his followers they would “save our democracy” by rejecting “a fake election,” and warned them that “if you dont fight like hell, youre not going to have a country anymore.” He taunted his Vice-President: “Mike Pence, I hope you're going to stand up for the good of our Constitution and for the good of our country. And if youre not, Im going to be very disappointed in you.” He set a tone of combativeness, defiance, and eternal resistance. And he put the life of his own Vice-President in jeopardy. As Chairman Thompson put it at one hearing, “Donald Trump turned the mob on him.”
Even though senior officials around Trump had told him that it was long past time to step aside—William Barr informed congressional investigators that he told Trump that reports of voting fraud were “bullshit”—Trump refused to listen. (“I thought, boy, if he really believes this stuff, he has, you know, lost contact with, hes become detached from reality,” Barr recalled.) Trump was unrelenting. “We will never give up,” he told the crowd on the Ellipse. “We will never concede. It doesnt happen. You dont concede when theres theft involved. Our country has had enough. We will not take it anymore.” After listening to the Presidents repeated calls to fight, and to march to the Capitol building—“youll never take back our country with weakness”—thousands of his followers, some of them armed, some of them carrying Confederate symbols, some deploying flagpoles as spears, headed toward Capitol Hill.
As the march began, at around 1 *p.m.*, Representative Paul Gosar, of Arizona, and Senator Ted Cruz, of Texas, both conservative Republicans, rose in Congress to object to the counting of the electoral ballots from Arizona. But Pence had already told Trump he would not go along with his plot, and there was no sign that Gosar, Cruz, and Trumps loyalists in Congress had the numbers to succeed. McConnell, at that time the Senate Majority Leader, said, “Voters, the courts, and the states have all spoken—theyve all spoken. If we overrule them all, it would damage our republic forever.”
By 2 *p.m.*, demonstrators began to overrun the Capitol Police, sometimes using improvised weapons. Caroline Edwards, of the Capitol Police, testified to the committee that there was “carnage” in the halls: “I was slipping in peoples blood.” The insurrectionists kept coming, breaking through windows and doors, assaulting police officers, and, once inside, they went hunting for the Vice-President, the Speaker of the House, and other officials who refused to participate in the Presidents scheme to overturn the election. At around 2:20 *p.m.*, the Senate, and then the House, went into emergency recess, as Capitol Police officers rushed members of both chambers to safety. The two Democratic congressional leaders, Nancy Pelosi and Charles Schumer, fearing for their lives and the lives of their colleagues, were reduced to sequestering in a safe location. In the final session of the committees investigation, we saw footage of Pelosi, enraged yet composed, deploying her cell phone to get someone to come to the aid of the legislative branch.
Trump watched these events on television at the White House with scant sense of alarm. He refused to send additional police or troops to quell the violence. At 2:24 *p.m.*, he tweeted, “Mike Pence didnt have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution.” By 3 *p.m.*, insurrectionists, some of them in cosplay battle gear, had swarmed into the Senate chamber. Trumps passivity was not passivity at all. As Adam Kinzinger put it, “President Trump did not fail to act. He chose not to act.” Liz Cheney was no less blunt. “He refused to defend our nation and our Constitution,” she said during the hearings. “I say this to my Republican colleagues who are defending the indefensible, there will come a day when Donald Trump is gone. But your dishonor will remain.”
For Trump, the choice was simple. The insurrectionists were his people, his shock troops, there to do his bidding. Nothing about the spectacle seemed to disturb him: not the gallows erected outside the building, not the savage beatings, not threats to Pence and Pelosi, not graffiti like “Murder the Media,” not the chants of “1776! 1776!” And so he ignored calls to action even from his own party. At 3:11 *p.m.*, Mike Gallagher, a Republican from Wisconsin, tweeted, “We are witnessing absolute banana republic crap in the United States Capitol right now. @realdonaldtrump you need to call this off.” Trump would not tell his supporters to go home until the early evening, when the damage had been done.
And though Trump and the insurrectionists failed to halt the certification of the ballot, they did get substantial support: a hundred and forty-seven Republicans in Congress voted to overturn the election results. At 3:42 *a.m.* on January 7th, Vice-President Pence, speaking to a joint session of Congress, certified the election of Joe Biden as the forty-sixth President of the United States. When, however, the midterms were held, two years later, dozens of Republican candidates continued to claim that his election was fraudulent. Those few Republicans, like Liz Cheney, who took a stand against Trump were swept out of office.
January 6th was a phenomenon rooted both in the degraded era of Trump and in the radicalization of a major political party during the past generation. The very power of these developments explains why many people may approach this congressional report with a sense of fatigue, even denial. Part of Trumps dark achievement has been to bludgeon the political attention of the country into submission.
When a nation has been subjected to that degree of cynicism—what is politely called “divisiveness”—it can lose its ability to experience outrage. As a result, the prospect of engaging with this congressional inquiry into Trumps attempt to delegitimatize the machinery of electoral democracy is sometimes a challenge to the spirit. That is both understandable and a public danger. And yet a citizenry that can no longer bring itself to pay attention to such an investigation or to absorb its astonishing findings risks moving even farther toward a disturbing “new normal”: a post-truth, post-democratic America.
A republic is predicated on faith—not religious faith but a faith in the fundamental legitimacy of its political institutions and the decisions they issue. To concede the legitimacy of statutes, rulings, and election returns is not necessarily to favor them. Its simply to participate in the basic system that gives them form and force; citizens can, through democratic machinery, seek to defeat or contest candidates they deplore, initiatives that offend them, court opinions they consider misguided. By contrast, the campaign that culminated in the Capitol attack of January 6th was, fatefully, against democracy itself. It sought to instill profound mistrust in the process of voting—the mechanism through which, even in highly imperfect democracies, accountability is ultimately secured.
The committee and its work were far from apolitical, and yet to dismiss the report as *merely* political would be a perilous act of resignation and defeatism. The questions that hovered over the inquiry from the start—what more is there to learn? who is really listening?—persisted and loomed over the midterm elections. When the hearings began, the polling outfit FiveThirtyEight reported that Trumps approval rating was 41.9 per cent; when the hearings ended, it was 40.4 per cent, a minuscule dip. As Susan B. Glasser, of *The New Yorker*, wrote, “All that damning evidence, and the polls were basically unchanged. The straight line in the former Presidents approval rating is the literal representation of the crisis in American democracy. There is an essentially immovable forty per cent of the country whose loyalty to Donald Trump cannot be shaken by anything.” And yet the Republicans failed in their promise to produce a “red wave” in the midterms. The Democrats maintained their slender hold on the Senate and lost far fewer seats in the House than was expected. And while the reasons behind the Republican failure were many, ranging from the imperilment of abortion rights to the dismal quality of so many of the Partys candidates, it was clear that one of the principal reasons was a deep concern about the future of democracy.
The most urgent thing to learn is whether a two-and-a-half-century-old republic will resist future efforts to undercut its foundations—to steal, through concerted deception, the essential legitimacy of its constitutional order. The contents of the report insist that complacency is not an option. The report also insists on accountability, though that will ultimately be the responsibility of the Department of Justice and the American public. The report has provided the evidence, the truth. Now it remains to be seen if it will be acted upon.
The violation of January 6th was ultimately so brazen that many of Trumps own loyalists could not, in the end, bring themselves to defend him. Even some on the radical right have come to recognize the insurrections implications for the future. Jason van Tatenhove was once the media spokesman for the militia group known as the Oath Keepers, which played a crucial role in the uprising. He left the group well before January 6th, but he remained well connected enough to know that the Oath Keepers were eager to take part in an “armed revolution.” Testifying before the committee, he expressed his sense of betrayal by Donald Trump, and a growing sense of alarm: “If a President thats willing to try to instill and encourage, to whip up, a civil war among his followers uses lies and deceit and snake oil, regardless of the human impact, what else is he going to do?”
Trump is running again for President. Perhaps his decline is irreversible. But it would be foolish to count on that. Should he win back the White House, he will come to office with no sense of restraint. He will inevitably be an even more radical, more resentful, more chaotic, more authoritarian version of his earlier self. And he would hardly be an isolated figure in the capital. Following the results of the midterm elections, Congress is now populated with dozens of election deniers and many more who still dare not defy Trump. The stakes could not be higher. If you are reaching for optimism—and despair is not an option—the existence and the depth of the committees project represents a kind of hope. It represents an insistence on truth and democratic principle. In the words of the man who tried and failed to overturn a Presidential election, you dont concede when theres theft involved. ♦
 
 
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# The Dystopian Underworld of South Africas Illegal Gold Mines
A few years ago, a mining company was considering reopening an old mine shaft in Welkom, a city in South Africas interior. Welkom was once the center of the worlds richest goldfields. There were close to fifty shafts in an area roughly the size of Brooklyn, but most of these mines had been shut down in the past three decades. Large deposits of gold remained, though the ore was of poor grade and situated at great depths, making it prohibitively expensive to mine on an industrial scale. The shafts in Welkom were among the deepest that had ever been sunk, plunging vertically for a mile or more and opening, at different levels, onto cavernous horizontal passages that narrowed toward the gold reefs: a labyrinthine network of tunnels far beneath the city.
Most of the surface infrastructure for this particular mine had been dismantled several years prior, but there was still a hole in the ground—a concrete cylinder roughly seven thousand feet deep. To assess the mines condition, a team of specialists lowered a camera down the shaft with a winding machine designed for rescue missions. The footage shows a darkened tunnel, some thirty feet in diameter, with an internal frame of large steel girders. The camera descends at five feet per second. At around eight hundred feet, moving figures appear in the distance, travelling downward at almost the same speed. It is two men sliding down the girders. They have neither helmets nor ropes, and their forearms are protected by sawed-off gum boots. The camera continues its descent, leaving the men in darkness. Twisted around the horizontal beams below them—at sixteen hundred feet, at twenty-six hundred feet—are corpses: the remains of men who have fallen, or perhaps been thrown, to their deaths. The bottom third of the shaft is badly damaged, preventing the camera from going farther. If there are other bodies, they may never be found.
As Welkoms mining industry collapsed, in the nineteen-nineties, a dystopian criminal economy emerged in its place, with thousands of men entering the abandoned tunnels and using rudimentary tools to dig for the leftover ore. With few overhead costs or safety standards, these outlaw miners, in some cases, could strike it rich. Many others remained in poverty, or died underground. The miners became known as *zama-zamas*, a Zulu term that loosely translates to “take a chance.” Most were immigrants from neighboring countries—Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Lesotho—that once sent millions of mine workers to South Africa, and whose economies were heavily dependent on mining wages. “You started seeing these new men in the townships,” Pitso Tsibolane, a man who grew up in Welkom, explained to me. “Theyre not dressed like locals, dont talk like locals—theyre just there. And then they vanish, and you know theyre back underground.”
Owing to the difficulty of entering the mines, *zama-zamas* often stayed underground for months, their existence illuminated by headlamps. Down below, temperatures can exceed a hundred degrees, with suffocating humidity. Rockfalls are common, and rescuers have encountered bodies crushed by boulders the size of cars. “I think they all go through hell,” a doctor in Welkom, who has treated dozens of *zama-zamas*, told me. The men he saw had turned gray for lack of sunlight, their bodies were emaciated, and most of them had tuberculosis from inhaling dust in the unventilated tunnels. They were blinded for hours upon returning to the surface.
I recently met a *zama-zama* named Simon who once lived underground for two years. Born in a rural area of Zimbabwe, he arrived in Welkom in 2010. He started digging for gold at the surface, which was dusted with ore from the industrys heyday. There was gold beside the railway tracks that had once transported rock from the mines, gold among the foundations of torn-down processing plants, gold in the beds of ephemeral streams. But Simon was earning only around thirty-five dollars a day. He aspired to build a house and open a business. To get more gold, he would need to go underground.
In no other country in the world does illegal mining take place inside such colossal industrial shafts. In the past twenty years, *zama-zamas* have spread across South Africas gold-mining areas, becoming a national crisis. Analysts have estimated that illegal mining accounts for around a tenth of South Africas annual gold production, though mining companies, wary of alarming investors, tend to downplay the extent of the criminal trade. The operations underground are controlled by powerful syndicates, which then launder the gold into legal supply chains. The properties that have made gold useful as a store of value—notably the ease with which it can be melted down into new forms—also make it difficult to trace. A wedding band, a cell-phone circuit board, and an investment coin may all contain gold that was mined by *zama-zamas*.
Welkom, once an economic engine of the apartheid state, emerged as an early—and especially dire—hot spot for illegal mining. Since 2007, officials in the Free State province, where Welkom is situated, have recovered the bodies of more than seven hundred *zama-zamas*—but not all deaths are reported to the authorities, and many bodies remain belowground. “We call it the *zama* graveyard,” a forensic officer said in a 2017 news interview, following an underground explosion that killed more than forty people. In decommissioned mines, the ventilation systems no longer function, and harmful gases accumulate. At certain concentrations of methane, a mine becomes a bomb that can be detonated by the merest spark; even rocks knocking against each other can set off a blast. In Johannesburg, about a hundred and fifty miles northeast of Welkom, there are fears that illegal miners may cause gas pipelines to explode, including those beneath Africas largest soccer stadium.
But perhaps the biggest dangers stem from the syndicates that have seized control of the illicit gold economy. Organized crime is rampant in South Africa—“an existential threat,” according to a recent analysis from the Global Initiative Against Transnational Organized Crime—and gold-mining gangs are especially notorious. Armed militias war over turf, both at the surface and underground, carrying out raids and executions. Officials have discovered groups of corpses that have been bludgeoned with hammers or had their throats slit.
In Welkom, getting underground became impossible without paying protection fees to the criminal groups in charge. By 2015, just nine shafts were still operating, in spots where there was ore of sufficient grade to justify the expense of hauling it out. Some syndicates took advantage of these shafts, bribing employees to let the *zama-zamas* ride “the cage”—the transport elevator—and then walk to areas where mining had ceased. There were also dozens of abandoned shafts, including separate ventilation channels and ducts for subsurface cables. “Companies have difficulty plugging all the holes,” a 2009 report on illegal mining noted. Each of these provided openings for *zama-zamas*. The miners climbed down ladders made of sticks and conveyor-belt rubber, which deteriorated over time and sometimes snapped. Or they were lowered into the darkness by teams of men, or behind vehicles that reversed slowly for a mile or farther, the ropes feeding over makeshift pulleys above the shaft. Sometimes the ropes would break, or a patrol would arrive, causing the men at the surface to let go. There were stories of syndicates deceiving miners, promising them a ride in the cage, only to force them to climb down the girders. Men who refused were thrown over the edge, with some victims taking around twenty seconds to hit the bottom.
In 2015, Simon entered the mines by paying a thousand dollars to a local syndicate boss, known as David One Eye, who allowed him to walk into the tunnels via an inclined shaft just south of Welkom. One Eye, a former *zama-zama* himself, had risen from obscurity to become one of the most fearsome figures in the region. He was powerfully built from lifting weights, and he had lost his left eye in a shooting.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27459)
“Youre leaving already? But its your apartment.”
Cartoon by Drew Panckeri
The syndicate would charge Simon more than twice as much to exit the mines. He remained underground for almost a year, subsisting on food provided by One Eyes runners. He came away with too little money, so he went into the mines again, paying the same syndicate to lower him with a rope. He became accustomed to life underground: the heat, the dust, the darkness. He planned to remain there until he was no longer poor, but in the end he came out because he was starving.
*Zama-zamas* are a nightmarish late chapter in an industry that, more than any other, has shaped South Africas history. Surface-level gold deposits were discovered in the area that became Johannesburg, sparking a gold rush in 1886. Twelve years later, the new South African mines were providing a quarter of the worlds gold. (To date, the country has produced more than forty per cent of all the gold ever mined.)
The reefs that outcropped in Johannesburg extend deep underground, making up part of the Witwatersrand basin, a geological formation that stretches in an arc two hundred and fifty miles long. Extracting this gold required tremendous inputs of labor and capital. The Chamber of Mines once likened the basin to “a fat 1,200-page dictionary lying at an angle. The gold bearing reef would be thinner than a single page, and the amount of gold contained therein would hardly cover a couple of commas.” Complicating matters further, this page had been “twisted and torn” by geological forces, leaving fragments “thrust between other leaves of the book.”
In the nineteen-thirties, mining companies began prospecting in a different province—a sparsely populated area that would later be called the Free State. After the Second World War, one borehole produced a sample “so astonishing that financial editors refused to believe the press release,” the historian Jade Davenport wrote, in “Digging Deep: A History of Mining in South Africa.” The yield was more than five hundred times richer than a usual profitable return, propelling the international gold-shares market “into complete dementia.” Land values in the nearest village increased more than two-hundredfold within a week.
But these new goldfields needed to be developed from scratch. There was no electricity or potable water. Vast maize fields spread across the grasslands. In 1947, a mining house called the Anglo American Corporation received permission to establish a new town, to be called Welkom—“welcome” in Afrikaans. The companys founder, Ernest Oppenheimer, who was the richest man in South Africa, tasked a British planner named William Backhouse with designing the settlement. Inspired by housing developments in England, Backhouse envisaged a garden city with satellite towns and ample greenbelts. There would be wide boulevards and circles to direct the flow of traffic. At the outset, Oppenheimers son wrote, the region was “depressing in the extreme”: flat and featureless, choked by frequent dust storms, with a single acacia tree, which was later designated a local monument. Eventually, the city was planted with more than a million trees.
Across South Africa, white mine workers were perpetually in demand, owing to laws that limited Black people to menial and labor-intensive jobs. To attract white workers and skilled technicians away from the Witwatersrand, the Anglo American Corporation built subsidized houses in Welkom, along with lavish recreational facilities such as cricket fields and a horse-riding club. By 1950, Welkom was growing at an average rate of two families per day. “Welkom is going to be the showplace of South Africa!” the national finance minister declared on an official visit.
The economic logic of the mines also demanded an inexhaustible supply of cheap Black labor. Restricted from unionizing until the late nineteen-seventies, Black mine workers performed gruelling and dangerous tasks, such as wielding heavy drills in cramped spaces and shovelling rock; tens of thousands died in accidents, and many more contracted lung diseases. To prevent competition among companies, which would have driven up wages, the Chamber of Mines operated as a central recruiting agency for Black workers from across Southern Africa; between 1910 and 1960, according to one estimate, five million mine workers travelled between South Africa and Mozambique alone. Expanding the labor pool helped the mining industry depress Black wages, which remained almost static for more than five decades. By 1969, the pay gap between white and Black workers had reached twenty to one.
In Welkom, a separate township was built for Black residents, set apart from the city by an industrial area and two mine dumps. One of the city planners main goals, according to a history of Welkom from the nineteen-sixties, was to “prevent the outskirts of the town being marred by Bantu squatters.” Named Thabong, or “Place of Joy,” the township lay in the path of the dust from the mines. Segregated mining towns, which dated back to the nineteenth century, laid a foundation for South Africas apartheid system, which was formally introduced the year after Welkom was founded. Every evening, a siren sounded at seven oclock, announcing a curfew for Black people, who faced arrest if they stayed too late in the white part of town.
Oppenheimer had imagined Welkom as “a town of permanence and beauty.” The cornerstone of the civic center, an imposing set of buildings laid out in the shape of a horseshoe, was a twenty-four-inch slab of gold-bearing reef. The council chambers were furnished in walnut, with crystal chandeliers imported from Vienna. There was a banquet hall and one of South Africas finest theatres. In 1971, just three years after the complex was unveiled, a guidebook to South African architecture described the design as “perhaps too ambitious for a town which will, in all probability, have a limited life.”
The crash came in 1989. The price of gold had fallen by nearly two-thirds from its peak, inflation was rising, and investors were wary of instability during South Africas transition to democracy. (Nelson Mandela was freed the following year.) The rise of powerful unions, in the final years of apartheid, meant that it was no longer possible for the industry to pay Black workers “slave wages,” as the former chairman of one large mining company told me. The Free State goldfields eventually laid off more than a hundred and fifty thousand mine workers, or eighty per cent of the workforce. The region was almost wholly reliant on mining, and Welkoms economy was especially undiversified. The towns sprawling urban design was also expensive to maintain, leading to a “death spiral,” Lochner Marais, a professor of developmental studies at the University of the Free State, told me.
I first visited Welkom in late 2021. As I drove into the city, Google Maps announced that I had arrived, but around me it was dark. Then my headlights picked out a suburban home, followed by another. The entire neighborhood was without electricity. South Africa is in the midst of an energy crisis and experiences frequent scheduled power outages, but that was not the cause of this blackout. Rather, it was symptomatic of chronic local dysfunction, in a municipality ranked South Africas second worst in a 2021 report on financial sustainability.
Welkom is surrounded by enormous flat-topped mine dumps that rise from the plains like mesas. The roads have been devoured by potholes. Several years ago, *zama-zamas* began breaking open wastewater pipes to process gold ore, which requires large volumes of water. They also attacked sewage plants, extracting gold from the sludge itself. Now untreated sewage flows in the streets. In addition, *zama-zamas* stripped copper cables from around town and within the mines. Cable theft became so rampant that Welkom experienced power failures several times per week.
As the gold-mining companies scaled back in South Africa, they left behind wasted landscapes and extensive subterranean workings, including railway lines and locomotives, intact winders and cages, and thousands of miles of copper cable. Many companies had devised protocols for withdrawing from depleted mines, but these were seldom followed; likewise, government regulations around mine closures were weakly enforced. “Its as if they just locked the door—Now were done,’ ” a mine security officer said of the companies. Shafts were often sold many times over, the constant changing of hands allowing companies to evade responsibility for rehabilitation. By the early two-thousands, according to authorities, South Africa had a large number of “derelict and ownerless” gold mines across the country, creating opportunities for illegal mining. Mining researchers in South Africa sometimes joke that the story of gold mining runs from AA to ZZ—from multinationals like Anglo American to *zama-zamas*.
Authorities first became aware of the burgeoning illegal-mining industry in the nineties. A fire broke out in one of Welkoms operational shafts, and a rescue team was called to extinguish it. The team discovered several dead bodies—the suspected victims of carbon-monoxide inhalation. The managers of the mine were not missing any workers, and the dead men were carrying no identification. They had been mining illegally in a disused area. “We werent aware something like this could happen,” a member of the rescue team recalled. A few years later, in 1999, police arrested twenty-eight *zama-zamas* in a nearby section of the tunnels. The men, laid-off mine workers, knew their way around like spelunkers in a cave network. An investigator involved in the arrest described them to me as “the forefathers of underground illegal mining in South Africa.”
Even before there were *zama-zamas*, South Africa had a thriving black market for gold. In 1996, a security manager at one of the countrys biggest mining houses prepared a report about gold theft, which he described as “the least reported and talked about criminal activity in South Africa.” Back then, workers often pilfered gold from processing plants. One cleaner smuggled out gold-bearing material in a bucket of water; painters on the roof of a facility removed gold through the air vents. An employee was caught with gold inside his tobacco pipe; he didnt smoke, but had been using this method to steal for twenty years. Others used slingshots to shoot gold over security fences or flushed gold, wrapped in condoms, down the toilet, which they retrieved from nearby sewage plants. One official was observed, several times, leaving a facility with potted plants from his office; a security officer sampled the soil, which was rich in gold concentrate.
In Welkom, the main destination for stolen gold was in Thabong, at a dormitory known as G Hostel. During apartheid, hostels housed migrant workers as a way of preventing them from settling permanently in cities; these hostels have since become notorious for crime and violence. G Hostel had multiple entrances and was difficult to surveil. It functioned as an illicit smelting house, where teams of men would crush and wash the gold, then process it into ingots. Following the rise of *zama-zamas*, G Hostel developed into one of the largest gold-smuggling centers in the country. Eventually, around twenty-five hundred people were crammed into the compound, many of them undocumented immigrants. Police frequently conducted raids; in 1998, officers recovered more than ten metric tons of gold-bearing material. One dealer had been selling an average of a hundred ounces of gold per day.
During a raid in the early two-thousands, police arrested a *zama-zama* from Mozambique who gave his name as David Khombi. He was wearing a white vest, tattered cutoff jeans, and flip-flops. Khombi lived at the compound, where he supplemented his income by cutting hair, mending shoes, and tailoring Mozambican garments. Not long after the arrest, he was released and went underground, where he earned a small fortune, a former member of his inner circle told me. According to an expert on the illegal gold trade in the Free State, by 2008 Khombi had “started building his empire.”
In South Africa, gold smuggling is loosely organized into a pyramid structure. At the bottom are the miners, who sell to local buyers, who sell to regional buyers, who sell to national buyers; at the top are international gold dealers. The margins at each level are typically low—unlike many other illicit products, the market price of gold is public—and turning a profit requires substantial investments of capital, Marcena Hunter, an analyst who studies illicit gold flows, told me. To move upward, Khombi focussed his attention on a different commodity: food.
Sustaining thousands of *zama-zamas* underground is a complex and lucrative exercise in logistics. At first, many illegal miners in the Free State purchased food from legal mine workers, who sold their rations at inflated prices. But as the mines laid people off, and the number of *zama-zamas* grew, the syndicates began providing food directly. A new economy developed—one that could be even more profitable than gold. Men underground had little bargaining power, and markups on food usually ranged from five hundred to a thousand per cent. A loaf of bread that cost less than ten rand at the surface sold for a hundred rand down below. Fixed prices were set for peanuts, tinned fish, powdered milk, Morvite (a high-energy sorghum porridge originally developed for feeding mine workers), and biltong, a South African jerky.
*Zama-zamas* could also purchase such items as cigarettes, marijuana, washing powder, toothpaste, batteries, and headlamps. They paid with the cash they made from selling gold; when they were flush, some miners celebrated with buckets of KFC, which were available underground for upward of a thousand rand. Around a decade ago, one KFC in Welkom was supplying so much food to gold syndicates that customers started avoiding it: orders took forever, items on the menu ran out, and meals were often undercooked. Police contacted the owner, who agreed to notify them whenever large orders came in. On one occasion, officers observed a truck picking up eighty buckets of chicken.
Khombi began paying men to shop at wholesalers, package the goods in layers of cardboard and bubble wrap, and then drop the fortified parcels down the shafts. (They often used ventilation channels, the powerful updrafts slowing the rate at which the supplies fell.) As his earnings increased, Khombi began buying gold from *zama-zamas*, profiting doubly from their labor. He built a large house in Thabong, where he developed a reputation for sharing his wealth—“like a philanthropist,” one community activist told me. During his rise to prominence, he also made enemies. He was later shot in the face, but survived, and became known as David One Eye.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a27405)
“And so Lucas and all his friends simply chose to ignore the metaverse, and in the end it went away . . .”
Cartoon by Hartley Lin
One afternoon, I met a former *zama-zama* whom Ill refer to as Jonathan. He spent a year in the tunnels around 2013. “We were thousands underground,” he recalled. The men worked bare-chested because of the heat, and they slept on makeshift bunks. Khombi controlled the supply of food, and there were deliveries of beer and meat—“everything,” Jonathan said. For nearly three months, Jonathan was dependent on a group of more experienced miners, who guided him through the tunnels and shared their supplies. Finding and extracting gold required considerable expertise, and some *zama-zamas* were able to read the rock like mineralogists. But there were also other jobs underground, and Jonathan found work as a welder, producing small mills, known as *pendukas*, for crushing ore. The other miners paid him in gold.
Access to the tunnels was controlled, increasingly, by armed gangs from Lesotho, to whom Khombi paid protection fees. Known as the Marashea, or “Russians,” these gangs traced their origins to mining compounds on the Witwatersrand, where Basotho laborers banded together in the nineteen-forties. (Their name was inspired by the Russian Army, whose members were “understood to have been fierce and successful fighters,” the historian Gary Kynoch wrote, in “We Are Fighting the World: A History of the Marashea Gangs in South Africa, 19471999.”) The Marashea dressed in gum boots, balaclavas, and traditional woollen blankets, worn clasped beneath the chin. Following the rise of illegal mining, they muscled in on the shafts. They carried weapons—assault rifles, Uzis, shotguns—and fought viciously over abandoned mines. Accordion players affiliated with the gangs wrote songs taunting their enemies, like drill rappers with nineteenth-century instruments.
Working with factions of the Marashea, Khombi seized control of large areas of the Free State goldfields. He structured his illicit business almost like a mine, with separate divisions for food, gold, and security. As his wealth grew, he and his wife acquired extravagant tastes. They built a second home in Thabong, so ornate that it drew comparisons to a compound built by Jacob Zuma, South Africas notoriously corrupt former President. On Instagram, Khombi posted photographs of himself wearing Italian suits and flexing his biceps in tight-fitting tees. (One caption: “Everyone talks about mothers love but no one talks about a fathers sacrifice.”) He bought a fleet of cars, including a customized Range Rover worth an estimated quarter-million dollars, and opened a pair of night clubs in Thabong, rising above a sea of metal shacks. His wife, who was from an extremely poor family, began dressing in Gucci and Balenciaga, and often flew to Johannesburg for shopping trips.
In the nineteen-fifties, according to Welkom records, there were white women who “made a point of flying regularly to Johannesburg for a days shopping.” Their husbands, who worked in the mines, were “absolutely fearless, accepting hazard and risk, with a terrific driving force to earn the maximum possible amount of money.” The structure of the company town guaranteed that, for its white residents, there was plenty of money in circulation. Khombi rose to the top of a new hierarchy, one that enriched a different set of bosses but was similarly based on Black labor.
Today, a row of grand banks stands mostly shuttered, a putt-putt course has been taken over by drug dealers, and the public gardens are strewn with trash and stripped cables. This past November, a clock tower outside the civic center, considered one of Welkoms landmarks, displayed a different incorrect time on each of its three faces, with a faded banner for an event in 2018. The commercial district has retreated into the Goldfields Mall, which was built in the nineteen-eighties; it has a giant statue of a rhinoceros out front. (In December, they gave the statue a Christmas hat.)
I met a former police reservist there one morning. He asked to be identified as Charles. For around nine years, he was on Khombis payroll, selling him gold confiscated from rival dealers, protecting him, and escorting *zama-zamas* to the mines. Charles used the money to buy a new car and pay lobola, a bride-price customary in many Southern African cultures.
Corruption is a corrosive force in South Africa. In Welkom, which has not received a clean financial audit since 2000, tens of millions of dollars in government funds have gone missing. Even in this context, Khombis influence was legendary. Charles estimated that seventy per cent of the local police force had been in the kingpins pocket; I took this to be an exaggeration, until a senior detective who works on illegal-mining cases corroborated the figure, laughing bitterly.
But Khombi, like any capable mafia don, was also propping up core services of the city. He repaired dirt roads in Thabong and donated supplies to local schools. In 2015, the national electricity utility threatened to cut off power to Welkom and its surrounding towns unless the municipality began paying off an outstanding bill of around thirty million dollars. Rumors circulated that Khombi had made a cash payment to avert the power cuts.
Corruption was just as pervasive in the operational mines. Smuggling in *zama-zamas* could cost as much as forty-five hundred dollars per person, according to the illegal-gold-mining expert. The process could require bribing up to seven employees at once, from security guards to cage operators; this meant that mine employees could earn many times their regular salaries through bribery. Some were caught with bread loaves strapped to their bellies and batteries hidden inside their lunchboxes, which they planned to sell to *zama-zamas*. They also served as couriers, ferrying gold and cash.
Mine workers who couldnt be paid off were targeted by the syndicates. In 2017, a Welkom mine manager known for his tough stance against *zama-zamas* was murdered. Two months later, a mine security officer was shot thirteen times on his way to work. The following year, an administrator was stabbed ten times at home while his wife and children were in another room, and the wife of a plant manager was kidnapped for a ransom of one bar of gold.
Today, after a series of acquisitions and mergers, a single company, Harmony, owns the mines around Welkom. Harmony specializes in exploiting marginal deposits at so-called mature mines, which has allowed it to prosper during the twilight years of South Africas gold industry. According to a company presentation that I obtained, Harmony has spent roughly a hundred million dollars on security measures between 2012 and 2019, including outfitting its mines with biometric authentication systems. They have also demolished several dozen disused shafts. Company records show that more than sixteen thousand *zama-zamas* have been arrested since 2007; in addition, more than two thousand employees and contractors have been arrested under suspicion of taking bribes or facilitating illegal mining. But these arrests were mostly at the bottom of the illegal-mining hierarchy, and had little lasting impact.
One day, I met a team of security officers who patrolled some of the mines beneath Welkom; several of them had worked in Afghanistan and Iraq, and told me that the mines were more dangerous. The officers recounted coming across explosives the size of soccer balls, stuffed with bolts and other shrapnel. In shoot-outs, bullets ricocheted off the mine walls. “Its tunnel warfare,” a member of the team said.
But in town, especially among poorer residents, there was a sense that this violence was peripheral to a trade that sustained a large number of people. Money from *zama-zamas* spilled over into the general economy, from food wholesalers to car dealerships. “The economy of Welkom is through *zama-zamas*,” Charles, the former police reservist, told me. “Now Welkom is poor because of one man.” A few years ago, Khombi began ordering brazen hits on his rivals, becoming the focal point of a wider clampdown on illegal mining. “He took it too far,” Charles said. “He ruined it for everyone.”
The first known murder linked to Khombi was that of Eric Vilakazi, another syndicate leader who had been delivering food underground. In 2016, Vilakazi was shot dead in front of his home while holding his young child in his arms. (The child survived.) Afterward, Khombi visited Vilakazis family to share his condolences and to offer financial support for the funeral. “If he killed you, hell go see the wife the next day,” the former member of Khombis inner circle, who accompanied him on the visit, told me. An aspiring kingpin named Nico Rasethuntsha attempted to take over the area where Vilakazi had been operating, but a few months later he, too, was assassinated.
In December, 2017, Thapelo Talla, an associate of Khombis who had tried to break away, was gunned down outside a party for Khombis wedding anniversary. The following month, a syndicate boss known as Majozi disappeared, along with a policeman who had worked with him; Majozis wife was found dead at their home, and his burned-out BMW was found near an abandoned hostel. (Informants said afterward that Majozi and the policeman were tossed down a shaft by Khombis henchmen.) Later, a gold smuggler named Charles Sithole was murdered after receiving death threats from Khombi, and a pastor in Thabong who had sold a house to Khombi, and was requesting the full payment, was shot and killed.
The incident that led to Khombis undoing took place in 2017, at a cemetery outside Welkom. Like the towns around it, the cemetery was running to ruin—a metal sign over the entrance, along with some headstones, had been stolen. The graves had been racially segregated during apartheid, and headstones of white people remained clustered at one end. Khombi suspected one of his lieutenants of stealing money and gave orders for him to be shot in the cemetery. The body was discovered the next morning, lying beside an abandoned vehicle.
One of Khombis men, who was at the cemetery that night, was also working as an informant for the police, and Khombi was eventually charged with murder. (The first investigating officer assigned to the case was found guilty of lying under oath to protect him.) Khombi was held at a local jail, where wardens delivered KFC to his cell. “They were treating him like a king,” the expert on the illegal gold trade told me. A man who was charged alongside Khombi was thought to have been poisoned—an effort, officials believe, to prevent him from testifying—and had to be brought to court in a wheelchair.
The trial began in late 2019. Khombi, who had been released on bail, showed up in designer suits every day. He presented himself as a businessman with philanthropic interests, alleging that he was a victim of a conspiracy. The judge was unpersuaded. “The entire murder has the hallmark of a hit,” he declared, sentencing Khombi to life in prison. Khombis legal team is petitioning the courts to overturn this decision, but he also faces other charges: for the 2017 murder of Talla, and for identity fraud. (Police discovered two South African I.D.s in his home, with different names, both featuring his photograph.)
I returned to Welkom to attend the trials for both cases. Last September, driving from Johannesburg along the arc of the Witwatersrand basin, I passed through a series of blighted mining towns, now home to armies of *zama-zamas*. It was the windy season, and clouds of dust blew from the mine dumps. The waste from South African gold mines is rich in uranium, and in the nineteen-forties the U.S. and British governments initiated a top-secret program to reprocess the material for the development of nuclear weapons. But a large number of dumps remain, with dangerously high levels of radioactivity. In Welkom, the dust blows into houses and schools. Some residential areas have radioactivity readings comparable to those of Chernobyl.
The magistrates court is in the city center—a modernist building with arresting red metal finishes where thousands of *zama-zamas* have been prosecuted. In the halls, there are posters that read “*STOP ILLEGAL MINING,*” with images of gold in its different forms, from ore concentrate to refined bars. Outside the courtroom, on the first day of Khombis trial for identity fraud, a garrulous man wearing a kufi hat with a red feather introduced himself to me as Khombis half brother, although I later found out that he was a more distant relative. Without my asking, he said of Khombi, “He worked with gold, I wont deny it. But he wasnt a killer.” The problem, he told me, was the gangs from Lesotho: “He had to work with them.” Khombi had become rich from the gold trade, and also arrogant, he added. “But the cops were in his circle. Whos the real mafia here?”
Inside, Khombi was in shackles, laughing with the wardens. He wore a black sweatshirt pulled tight over his muscles, and his voice boomed across the courtroom. He had already begun serving his murder sentence, and in prison he was organizing prayer meetings for the inmates. (Khombi is a member of an Apostolic church.) Before the trial could begin, his defense lawyer secured a postponement, and Khombi was escorted back to the cells.
[](https://www.newyorker.com/cartoon/a26209)
“Lets say Ive been practicing therapy without a license. How much time would I be looking at?”
Cartoon by Chelsea Carr
I was able to speak to Khombi two months later, at the trial for Tallas murder. Our conversations took place as he was led in and out of the courtroom, with his wardens repeatedly shooing me away. When I introduced myself, Khombi greeted me like a politician and gave me a warm handshake, as if he had been expecting me. He denied being a gold dealer, but said that he knew many people involved in the trade. “From what I have observed,” he said, “it involves a lot of people—police, judges, magistrates, security. Its too dangerous to talk about.” He also told me, smiling, that he had paid close to a million dollars for the municipal electricity bill, and made separate payments for water. “Im not what all these people say about me,” he said. “I dont sit and plot to kill people.”
One day in Welkom, I got lunch with Khombis legal adviser, a smooth-talking former attorney named Fusi Macheka, who was disbarred in 2011. Macheka is a lay pastor, and he blessed our food when it arrived. He told me that he had known Khombi since around 2007, claiming to have successfully defended him in an illegal-gold-dealing case at the time. “Ultimately he became my man,” Macheka said. “He calls me brother.”
While we were talking, a man with heavily scarred forearms arrived and sat down without greeting me. Macheka introduced him as Khombis lieutenant. “Hes a shock absorber for him,” Macheka explained. The lieutenant, who gave his name as Sekonyela, was wearing a yellow golf shirt that identified him as the chairman of the Stingy Men Association of Free State, which he was reluctant to elaborate on. He had known Khombi for close to three decades, working his way up from being Khombis gardener to being his right-hand man. Through the years, he said, Khombi had paid for his wedding, including lobola and a honeymoon to Cape Town, and had given him multiple cars and motorbikes.
A few days later, Sekonyela arrived on one of those bikes, a Yamaha with a top speed of around a hundred and thirty miles per hour, to accompany Macheka and me on a tour of Khombis properties. We began at Khombis newest home, purchased from the pastor who was murdered. It featured the only residential swimming pool in Thabong, Sekonyela said. A former chief interpreter of the Welkom magistrates court happened to be passing by, and he informed me, misleadingly, that Khombi was “never ever in court for one murder.” He added that Khombi had donated soccer balls and kits for two youth teams he managed. “He was for the people,” the interpreter said.
Many people in the township shared stories of Khombis generosity and lamented his absence. “He wanted peoples stomachs to be full,” one community leader said. I heard about Khombi paying for children to go to school and providing cattle to slaughter at funerals. Multiple officials I spoke with believe that Khombi remains active in the illicit gold trade, organizing deals from inside prison, but I got the sense that his power had waned. Weeds flourished outside his properties, and his night clubs were often closed. Khombis incarceration had left room for other syndicates to grow, but nobody had inherited his mantle as Thabongs benefactor. Macheka wanted me to appreciate his clients importance in the community, but he was evasive when I asked if Khombi had been involved in gold smuggling. “I cant say that with certainty,” Macheka replied. “According to my instructions, he was a hard worker.” Macheka also mentioned that Khombi had given him two cars. “He knew about this secret of giving,” Macheka had said, a few days earlier. “In terms of my Biblical understanding, you give one cent, you get a hundredfold. Maybe that was his secret.”
Khombis murder conviction coincided with a joint operation, by various police agencies and a private-security firm contracted by Harmony, to bring illegal mining in the Free State under control. The project is called Knock Out, and its logo is a clenched fist. To circumvent the corruption in Welkom, fifty police officers were brought in from the city of Bloemfontein, a hundred miles away. The operation has recorded more than five thousand arrests; among those taken into custody were seventy-seven mine employees, forty-eight security officers, and four members of the military. Investigators opened cases against more than a dozen police officers. Some cops, in the face of increased scrutiny, preëmptively quit the force.
Central to the operation was cutting off food supplies for *zama-zamas* underground. Investigators raided locations where food was being packed. In parallel, some of the operational mines instituted food bans for employees, and Harmony closed off more entrances to the tunnels. At first, contractors capped old shafts with slabs of concrete, but *zama-zamas* dug underneath and broke these open, so the contractors began filling the shafts with rubble, sealing them completely. The company spent two years on one shaft, pumping in seemingly endless volumes of concrete; investigators later discovered that, inside the tunnels, *zama-zamas* had been removing the slurry before it could set. On another occasion, a syndicate sent three excavators to reopen a shaft. Security officers who intervened were shot at and almost run over by one of the machines. (The driver was later convicted of attempted murder.) To regain control of the site, officials sent in helicopters and erected a perimeter of sandbags—“like an army camp,” one member of the operation told me.
Sealing vertical shafts restricts access from the surface, but it does not close the entire tunnel network, and thousands of *zama-zamas* remained below Welkom, their food supplies dwindling. Many still owed money to the syndicates that had put them underground. They didnt want to exit. How else were they going to pay? Jonathan, the former *zama-zama*, estimated that hundreds had died of starvation, including several of his friends. “The saddest part of it, the most painful, is that you cant bury them,” he said.
Burials are of supreme importance in many Southern African cultures. In the past, when *zama-zamas* died underground, their bodies would typically be carried, shrouded in plastic, to the nearest functioning shaft and left for mine employees to discover. Affixed to the corpses were labels with a contact number and a name. The bodies were repatriated to neighboring countries or buried in the Free State. But now so many men were dying that it was impossible to collect them all. Simon, the *zama-zama* from Zimbabwe, told me that during 2017 and 2018 more than a hundred men died on just two levels of the mine he was living in. Using blankets as stretchers, he and some other *zama-zamas* had carried out at least eight bodies, one at a time; each journey had lasted around twelve hours. “The first time I see a dead body, Im scared,” he recalled. As conditions worsened underground—at one point, Simon went fourteen days without food—he stopped caring, and would sit on the bodies to rest.
Operation Knock Out forced *zama-zamas* to go elsewhere in search of gold. Many left for Orkney, a mining town eighty miles north. One weekend in 2021, according to the South African Police Service, more than five hundred *zama-zamas* exited the tunnels in Orkney after their food and water supplies were cut off; days later, hundreds of men attempted to force their way back inside, culminating in a shoot-out with officials that left six dead. When I visited, a security officer took me to an abandoned shaft nearby that had been capped with concrete but blown open by *zama-zamas*. Ropes were strung over the mouth of the hole, which was more than a mile deep. The shaft was no longer ventilated, and gusts of hot vapor blew up from the tunnels. Marashean snipers were observing us from a mine dump; that night, more *zama-zamas* would lower themselves over the shafts edge.
In Welkom, the drop in illegal mining dealt yet another blow to an already ravaged economy. “Most of our illegal miners are our businesspeople,” Rose Nkhasi, the president of the Free State Goldfields Chamber of Business at the time, told me. I met her in a boardroom with framed portraits of her predecessors, almost all of whom were white men. Nkhasi, who is Black, acknowledged the violence and corruption associated with gold smuggling, but she was frank about its role in sustaining Welkom. She singled out Khombi—“Hes huge in the township, like the biggest mafia”—for his economic impact. “He employs a lot of people,” she said. “You can feel his money.”
Nkhasi owns a property with a car wash, a mechanical workshop, and a restaurant. In earlier years, she told me, *zama-zamas* would bring their cars in for repairs and order food, paying with two-hundred-rand bills—the largest denomination in South Africa—and declining change. Police vehicles cruised by to collect payments from Khombis henchmen. Nkhasi also has an independent town-planning practice, where syndicate leaders often brought her rezoning applications to build rental units. “They are the ones developing this town,” Nkhasi told me.
Investigators believe that there are still around two hundred illegal miners underground, roaming the passages beneath Welkom; they are adamant that, eventually, many more will return. The problems are deeply embedded. South Africa, once the worlds largest gold producer by far, now ranks a distant tenth. The country is still home to some of the richest gold deposits in the world, and there are many companies that would be interested in digging for them. But there is an increasingly strained relationship between the state and the mining sector, with ever-shifting policies—including a requirement that a large number of shares go to historically disadvantaged South Africans—and the spectre of corruption acting as deterrents to investment. Margins on gold mines are thin, and increasing security costs, combined with gold losses to *zama-zamas*, can “eliminate most of the profits,” the former mining chairman told me. “Nobody wants to go into the casino.” The gold-mining industry has come to symbolize the dispossession and exploitation that have shaped South Africa, today the country with the highest income inequality in the world.
One evening, before sunset, I drove out to an old shaft on the southern edge of Welkom. Sunk in the early nineteen-fifties, it once led to one of South Africas richest mines, producing thousands of tons of ore per day. The shaft was filled a few years ago, and all that remains is a low mound in the middle of a grassy field. Nearby, at a venue called Diggers Inn, where Khombi held his wedding, an end-of-year celebration was kicking off for the graduates of Welkom High School. A crowd had gathered to cheer for the teen-agers, many of whom had hired chauffeured cars. Not two thousand feet away, at the opposite end of the shaft, some men were at work with picks and shovels, scraping gold from the earth. ♦
 
 
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Link: https://www.thecut.com/2023/02/the-fleishman-is-in-trouble-effect.html?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=One%20Great%20Story%20-%20February%206%2C%202023&utm_term=Subscription%20List%20-%20One%20Great%20Story
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# The Fleishman Effect
In a city of Rachels and Libbys, the FX show has some New York moms worried theyre the ones in trouble.
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/eb4/927/788767d7c5eb2f9874597fe6690ea505cd-scream-trouble.rsquare.w700.jpg)
Photo-Illustration: by the Cut
Theres a game a friend of mine likes to play in her affluent Brooklyn neighborhood: When shes walking down Henry Street, she looks up at the multimillion-dollar brownstones and imagines the lives of the people inside. In her version, most of them went to Harvard and made life choices better than hers, which have rewarded them with original pocket doors and Gaggenau appliances. But then she remembers: *They still have to lug a stroller up the front stairs every time they come home. They still have to bring their laundry to the basement where there are probably mice.* “Its so crazy [how rich you have to be](https://www.thecut.com/2022/04/repladies-fake-luxury-bags.html) in New York to live comfortably, just *comfortably*,” she tells me, slightly out of breath, while she runs to a meeting. “Theres this very subtle heartbreak that perhaps people made better life choices than you and their houses are bigger and they are happier.”
The crazy thing is that this friend, at 45, has not only an apartment in the city but a [weekend house](https://www.thecut.com/2020/04/what-coronavirus-reveals-about-wealth-among-friends.html) outside it—one that she bought with earnings from her successful career and enjoys with her partner and kids. She is happy, yet she is undeniably worn out from trying to stay that way in a city where exorbitant wealth—two-nannies-and-a-chauffeur wealth, spring-break-in-St.-Barts wealth—is everywhere. “If you find yourself in your 40s still living in New York, still hustling, still striving, theres a part of you that is completely beat down and a little bit unwell,” she says. Theres no appropriate audience for this privileged angst beyond a therapists office, which is why shes never talked about it before.
Then came [*Fleishman Is in Trouble*](https://www.thecut.com/2022/12/fleishman-is-in-trouble-taffy-brodesser-akner-lizzy-caplan-interview.html), the TV series and book by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, which now, more than a month after its on-air finale, is still the subject of rumination for a certain set of New York women—the ones who didnt need a narrator to explain that the 92nd Street Y is as much community center as status symbol (just try getting into its [$40,700-a-year](https://www.92ny.org/nursery-school/tuition-application) pre-K). Many of them read the book years ago and watched the show because it was there and why not—only to find themselves turned as upside down as the opening sequence, a dizzying view of the city flipped on its head. For them, watching Claire Danes (who plays Rachel, a high-earning talent agent desperate to be accepted by Manhattans private-school set) mentally break under the pressures of her career, marriage, motherhood, and childhood trauma and Lizzy Caplan (who plays Libby, a magazine writer who hasnt written in two years and moved to [suburban New Jersey](https://www.thecut.com/2023/01/fleishman-is-in-trouble-suburban-identity-crisis.html) with her family) long for the possibilities of her youth and search for the pieces of herself she can still recognize, has set off an internal alarm that sounds a lot like the voice-over in the show: *Is all this really worth it? Am I spending these years, maybe the best years, focused on the right things? When does it get easier?* Or as Libby put it, “*How did I get here?”* 
My friend, whom Im not naming because nobody wants her midlife crisis publicized in a magazine (in fact, all names here have been changed), is one of more than a dozen women Ive spoken with recently who have found themselves talking about the themes of *Fleishman*—which on its surface is about divorce but is really about aging, ambition, class, and identity—in group chats and out for drinks and at playground playdates. Long after people have shut up about the second season of *The White Lotus*, *Fleishman* persists among this specific group of women who are both well off and strung out. Late last month, the New York *Times* columnist Ross Douthat wrote that Rachel, in comparison with her ex-husband, Toby, “is much more in tune with the deeper and darker ethos of meritocracy: the abiding insecurity that comes with being trained for constant competition and then raised to a position where youre incredibly privileged and yet your social milieu makes you feel like youre running and running just to stay in place.”
“The Rachel character gave us permission to feel bad for ourselves for a minute,” says my friend, after laying out for the second time that she expects no sympathy. (Most other women I spoke with said the same.) “I think that women like me are thoughtful and mindful enough to know life is not so bad, we dont ever want to complain, but Rachel just let us feel sad that we feel like we are going to lose it a lot of the time.”
There are certain scenes from the show that come up more than others: When Rachel screams at a yoga retreat, releasing years of pent-up rage and exhaustion and frustration. When Libby finds Rachel on a bench, in the throes of her mental breakdown, and realizes that the person she had villainized was really just another mom buckling under the enormous pressures placed on women. (Multiple women paraphrase this line in our conversations: “Rachel knew the truth, which was that the culture was so condescending to stay-at-home mothers that we allowed them the fiction that being a mother was the hardest job in the world. Well, it wasnt. Having an actual job and being a mother is the hardest job in the world.”) When Rachel marches off to work after a traumatic childbirth because its the only way she knows how to reclaim herself. When Libby attends a suburban barbecue and looks around in horror, unwilling to accept that this is her life now. (“Its like weve died and these houses are our headstones,” she tells her husband, who is perfectly happy there.) When Libby is passed over for the ambitious assignments at the mens magazine where she worked, which went to her male colleagues over and over and over again. When she realizes pointedly, “You are right now as young as you will ever be again.”
Watching *Fleishman* was like holding up a mirror to the life they bought into years ago, when they came here to pursue their big dreams, and finally seeing the reality of what that looks like now. Laura, a 46-year-old mom of two in Manhattan who sends her kids to one of the citys most prestigious private schools, says the show made her think about the choices shes made not just for herself but for her kids. At their school, “unless youre a parent whos a banker with a capital *B* or a lawyer with a capital *L,* its like you dont exist,” she says. The go-to bat mitzvah gift of the moment is a Cartier bracelet, for which moms are expected to pitch in for a group present. “When I heard, I almost dropped dead,” she says, admitting that now in the middle of a divorce, the extra expenses are out of her budget. “Theres pressure to give, though, and its huge, and then theres this whole thought process of *We signed them up for this, so we have to go along with it. They didnt choose this life,* we *chose it.* I was naïve when I put them on this treadmill, and now we cant get off of it. Part of me is now like, *Am I doing a disservice keeping my kids here?”*
Kayla, 41, recognized the particular way in which those in Rachels orbit talk about money—which is not to talk about what things costof course not, how tackybut *things*. People Kayla knows will have, she says,  “these long protracted conversations about architects, or remodels, or luxury vacations. They want to show that they have fuck-you money.” She keeps thinking about a scene in *Fleishman* when Toby, a 41-year-old hepatologist making almost $300,000 a year who finds himself justifying his job to a group of middle-aged hedge-fund bros, asks, “When is it ever good enough?” “When he said that, I was like, *Yes, I completely relate to that,*” she tells me. “Its a total syndrome of this *Fleishman* class of people in the city. When literally is it good enough, and what is the end game? I genuinely dont know the answer. Is it a NetJets membership? Multiple homes outside the city? All your kids in the best schools known to man? And youre, like, a huge career success and a doyenne to society?”
Since the show, shes found herself making dinner plans with friends from other parts of her life and is reexamining her own relationship to work. Watching Rachel invest so much of herself in her career, seemingly at any cost, “I did find that to be legitimately ugly, even if Ive been guilty of it,” she says. “In a certain sense, all of us who are in that high-pressure city environment, and it is absolutely an environment of nothing is ever good enough, work becomes so important. Ive felt so defined by achievement and feeling like *What is the next rung on this ladder?* Watching that dramatized, youre like, *This is disgusting. You have more than enough.*
In *Fleishman,* Toby resents it when he finds himself signing his kids up for summer camp in Rachels absense—or, as Libby narrates it, “doing exactly what Rachel would have done,” i.e., “throwing money at the problem.” “Money is the fix for anything here,” says Paige, 40, who cringes as she tells me about the consultant she and her husband hired to help their 5-year-old get into a private kindergarten next year. “Im like, *Are we crazy? Am I doing this?* We are two decent human beings, we are on boards, we are community leaders, and we are hiring someone to draft and edit our thank-you letters and to tell us to hold the door open on school tours? Its just like, *In what world is this normal?* IN WHAT WORLD?” Theyve also hired a tutor and enrolled their child in Russian math—a trend now among preschool parents whove heard that the old Soviet method might give their children a leg up.
She brings up the scene in which Libby revisits the haunts of her youth in the West Village. It resonated with her, she says, because she sometimes misses the version of who she was when she first moved to the city and didnt care so much about what other people were doing. “When Libby is walking past her old building and smoking, it was like she was looking back at a fictional character that used to exist and I get that. I have my own fictional version of myself, where I was just fun and fabulous and doing things, and you know, *in it*—not anchored down by my children and husband and work.” Sometimes she thinks about leaving New York, that maybe that would be better for her family and her sanity. But thats a sad thought, too. Its the place shes always wanted to be.
If anyones feeling the *Fleishman* effect more than the women in Manhattan and Brooklyn anxiously holding on to whatever rung of the success ladder theyve managed to grasp, it is perhaps those who left the city during the pandemic and are still figuring out who they are if theyre not New Yorkers. Watching Libby languish in suburbia was, for some, more difficult than witnessing Rachels nervous breakdown. (One woman I spoke with admits that even in Rachels worst moments, she envied her: “A piece of me was like, *Well, shes kicking ass, and I want to be kicking ass,*” she told me.) Maryann, 39, moved out of the city a few years ago and says she connected with Libby more than she wished she did. She keeps thinking about Libby, who in the show reminisces about being young and having so many choicesand then you wake up one day and your life feels mapped out for you. “She said that, and I felt like Id been punched in the stomach,” says Maryann.
“I really related to this idea that this one dream that youve had for so long, that job and that dream doesnt really exist for you anymore. And what do you do when the thing you thought you always wanted isnt a possibility anymore?” she continues. She recently found herself thinking about that question in Target, which was even more depressing. “You know how Karl Lagerfeld was like, Youre in sweatpants, you failed? Thats kind of how I feel about Target. To me, its this ever-present reminder that I am in the suburbs, I am not going to leave, I am not moving back to Brooklyn, and my life there is over.”
Beth, also 39 and in the suburbs, finds herself constantly asking her husband, “How do we get back to the city?” The math feels impossible. Even with a combined household income of $500,000, the New York life she wants for her family feels out of reach. “My dream life would be to live in Brooklyn and send my daughter to Saint Anns, but the reality of my life is I live in the suburbs and havent taken a day off in two years. I get up at 6 a.m., and I work until she wakes up, then I do breakfast and get her ready, then the nanny comes, I work all day, I relieve the nanny, and then get back on my computer and work until midnight after my daughter goes to sleep. I do that every day,” she says. “And its still not enough.” She understood Rachels relentless pursuit of earning more—“*Make more money, be more successful.* I see myself in that, 100 percent,” she says—but also Libbys turmoil about not finding herself where she thought shed be by now. When Libby is asked what shes writing about these days, Toby answers for her. “Shes not at the magazine anymore,” he says. “Yeah,” replies Libby. “Im not anywhere anymore.”
Since leaving New York, Beth has found herself in tears at least once a week. She makes $300,000 a year—more than shes ever earned in her life—but shes running out of minutes in the day to squeeze out more dollars. “How do I make the $700,000 that Im going to need to send her to private school or do the renovation in the attic so I can turn it into the master suite so I can have a tub and so I can have one thing I enjoy in my life?” she says. Her takeaway from the show: “Both avenues are shit. You can stay in New York and climb, climb, climb and never get where you need to go and give yourself a nervous breakdown, or you can move to the suburbs and be like, *Who the fuck are these pod people?* Neither seems great. Is the secret to it all that we have to just choose a lane and embrace it?”
Shed been avoiding joining the local mom text chains, or what she describes as “my worst nightmare.” But *Fleishman* was a wakeup call. “I am now like, *Oh fuck, I better embrace this.* I probably need to stop telling people Im moving back to New York, and not give up on that dream necessarily but also not shit on the suburbs. I probably dont need to be the asshole Libby is … I probably need to look at these people and be like, *Youre human. I should definitely not judge you and look up your house value and look up what your husband does in comparison to what most of you used to do.*” She sighs. “I should probably join the text chain.”
Watching *Fleishman* myself, I couldnt help but think how the show aired at a moment of peak exhaustion for women—even privileged women, who have it so much better than most. The story takes place in 2016, but it finds us roughly seven years later, battered from parenting and working in a pandemic. Rachel and Libby are the manifestation of different struggles women face and impossible expectations, but a core similarity is that they are fucking tired.
So it shouldnt be surprising that a narrative about women who feel stuck is sticking. It has also served as motivation for some to get unstuck. Ami, 38, tells me she watched the show with her ex-boyfriend, and it solidified for her that ending things was the right choice (“It was such a raw look at marriage and what it can be and is,” she says. “I want to find a partner that I see as a complete equal, as unrealistic as that might be.”) Sophia, in her 50s and divorced, watched *Fleishman* and signed up for stand-up-comedy classes. “I felt like in my married life, I ignored myself for a lot of time … I totally understood Libby in that way, and it hit me. When we reach a certain age or lifestyle, we might feel like, *Oh, this is it*. Or maybe its just safety and security. But then you wonder about your potential and *What if I never tried?*
The show ends without tidy answers, just a reminder that time is ticking. *You are right now as young as you will ever be again.* And then, like electric shocks to the heart, *And now … and now … and now*.
“I felt like I was choking every time Libby said, And now,’” I tell my friend, the one who likes to create brownstone fictions. We both laugh, then stop laughing, because it is funny but also true. Weve both bought into life in the city; we are both raising our families here; we are both working here, still, somehow, all these years after we first arrived. Like so many other New York women, we saw ourselves in Libby and in Rachel and were startled by the view.
“Did *Fleishman* make you want to change anything about your life?” I finally ask her.
“Yeah,” she says. “It got me thinking its time for me to get therapy.”
The *Fleishman* Effect
 
 
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# The Forgotten Story of the American Troops Who Got Caught Up in the Russian Civil War
![American infantry camp in Siberia](https://th-thumbnailer.cdn-si-edu.com/zkLfbD1ltc0rUJM6X-LV0IoKKbw=/1000x750/filters:no_upscale()/https://tf-cmsv2-smithsonianmag-media.s3.amazonaws.com/filer/bd/43/bd43202e-cffe-48b1-b83b-18d2b5d57adb/gettyimages-464428811_web.jpg)
An American infantry camp in Siberia, Russia, December 1918 Heritage Images / Contributor
It was 45 degrees below zero, and Lieutenant Harry Meads platoon was much too far from home. Just outside the Russian village of Ust Padenga, 500 miles north of Moscow, the American soldiers crouched inside two blockhouses and trenches cut into permafrost. It was before dawn on January 19, 1919.
Through their field glasses, lookouts gazed south into the darkness. Beyond the platoons position, flares and rockets flashed, and shadowy figures moved through tiny villages—Bolshevik soldiers from Russias Red Army, hoping to push the American invaders 200 miles north, all the way back to the frozen White Sea.
The first artillery shell flew at the Americans at dawn. Mead, 29, of Detroit, awoke, dressed, and ran to his 47-man platoons forward position. Shells fell for an hour, then stopped. Soldiers from the Bolshevik Red Army, clad in winter-white uniforms, rose up from the snow and ravines on three sides. They advanced, firing automatic rifles and muskets at the outnumbered Americans.
“I at once realized that our position was hopeless,” Mead recalled, as quoted in James Carl Nelsons forthcoming book, [The Polar Bear Expedition: The Heroes of Americas Forgotten Invasion of Russia](https://amzn.to/2DZq49E). “We were sweeping the enemy line with machine gun and rifle fire. As soon as one wave of the enemy was halted on one flank another was pressing in on us from the other side.”
[![Preview thumbnail for 'The Polar Bear Expedition: The Heroes of America's Forgotten Invasion of Russia, 1918-1919](https://th-thumbnailer.cdn-si-edu.com/o9aZb3y9dFS_0NL9_T13ilgBQKg=/fit-in/300x0/https://tf-cmsv2-smithsonianmag-media.s3.amazonaws.com/amazon/amazon_image_9db25fd5126ebab9114ffc7d5b981edc7b4ea364.jpg "The Polar Bear Expedition: The Heroes of America's Forgotten Invasion of Russia, 1918-1919")](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062852779?tag=smithsonianco-20&linkCode=ogi&th=1&psc=1)
As the Red Army neared, with bayonets fixed on their guns, Mead and his soldiers retreated. They ran through the village, from house to house, “each new dash leaving more of our comrades lying in the cold and snow, never to be seen again,” Mead said. At last, Mead made it to the next village, filled with American soldiers. Of Meads 47-man platoon, 25 died that day, and another 15 were injured.
For the 13,000 American troops serving in remote parts of Russia 100 years ago, the attack on Meads men was the worst day in one of the United States least-remembered military conflicts. When 1919 dawned, the U.S. forces had been in Russia for months. World War I was not yet over for the 5,000 members of the 339th U.S. Army regiment of the American Expeditionary Force deployed near the port city of Archangel, just below the Arctic Circle, nor for the 8,000 troops from the 27th and 31st regiments, who were stationed in the Pacific Ocean port of Vladivostok, 4,000 miles to the east.
They had become bit players caught up in the complex international intrigue of the Russian Civil War. Russia had begun World War I as an ally of England and France. But the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917, led by Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky, installed a communist government in Moscow and St. Petersburg that pulled Russia out of the conflict and into peace with Germany. By fall 1918, Lenins year-old government controlled only a part of central European Russia. Forces calling themselves the White Russians, a loose coalition of liberals, social democrats and loyalists to the assassinated czar, were fighting the Communists from the north, south, east and west.
Two months after the November 11, 1918, armistice that officially ended the war for the rest of Europe, as one million Americans in France were preparing to sail home, the U.S. troops in Russia found that their ill-defined missions had transformed into something even more obscure. Historians still debate why President Woodrow Wilson really sent troops to Russia, but they tend to agree that the two missions, burdened by Wilsons ambiguous goals, ended in failures that foreshadowed U.S. foreign interventions in the century to come.
When Wilson sent the troops to Russia in July 1918, World War I still looked dire for the Allies. With the Russian Empire no longer engaged in the continental struggle, Germany had moved dozens of divisions to France to try to strike a final blow and end the war, and the spring 1918 German offensive had advanced to within artillery range of Paris.
Desperate to reopen an Eastern Front, Britain and France pressured Wilson to send troops to join Allied expeditions in northern Russia and far eastern Russia, and in July 1918, Wilson agreed to send 13,000 troops. The Allied Powers hoped that the White Russians might rejoin the war if they defeated the Reds.
To justify the small intervention, Wilson issued a [carefully worded, diplomatically vague memo](http://pbma.grobbel.org/aide_memoire.htm). First, the U.S. troops would guard giant Allied arms caches sent to Archangel and Vladivostok before Russia had left the war. Second, they would support the 70,000-man [Czechoslovak Legion](https://www.radio.cz/en/section/czechs/the-czechoslovak-legions-myth-reality-gold-and-glory), former prisoners of war who had joined the Allied cause and were fighting the Bolsheviks in Siberia. Third, though the memo said the U.S. would avoid “intervention in \[Russias\] internal affairs,” it also said the U.S. troops would aid Russians with their own “self-government or self-defense.” That was diplomacy-speak for aiding the White Russians in the civil war.
“This was a movement basically against the Bolshevik forces,” says Doran Cart, senior curator at the [National World War I Museum and Memorial](https://www.theworldwar.org/) in Kansas City. “\[But\] we couldnt really go in and say, This is for fighting the Bolsheviks. That would seem like we were against our previous ally in the war.”
![Allied soldiers and sailors in Vladivostok, Russia, September 1918](https://th-thumbnailer.cdn-si-edu.com/-J7hjUDKAPBAdCtZ1WR2jQTlfpo=/fit-in/1072x0/https://tf-cmsv2-smithsonianmag-media.s3.amazonaws.com/filer/7b/92/7b925074-dd1d-4a0c-9874-402965399349/gettyimages-464424971_web.jpg)
Allied soldiers and sailors in Vladivostok, Russia, September 1918 Heritage Images / Contributor
Wilsons stated aims were so ambiguous that the two U.S. expeditions to Russia ended up carrying out very different missions. While the troops in north Russia became embroiled in the Russian Civil War, the soldiers in Siberia engaged in an ever-shifting series of standoffs and skirmishes, including many with their supposed allies.
The U.S. soldiers in northern Russia, the U.S. Armys 339th regiment, were chosen for the deployment because they were mostly from Michigan, so military commanders figured they could handle the war zones extreme cold. Their training in England included a lesson from Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton on surviving below-zero conditions. Landing in Archangel, just below the Arctic Circle, in September 1918, they nicknamed themselves the Polar Bear Expedition.
Under British command, many of the Polar Bears didnt stay in Archangel to guard the Allied arms cache at all. The British goal was to reach the Russian city of Kotlas, a railroad crossing where, they hoped, they might use the railway to connect with the Czechoslovak Legion in the east. So British officer Lieutenant General Frederick Poole deployed the Polar Bears in long arcs up to 200 miles south of Archangel, along a strategic railroad and the Dvina and Vaga rivers.
But they never got to Kotlas. Instead, the Allied troops overextended deployment led to frequent face-to-face combat with the Bolshevik army, led by Leon Trotsky and growing in strength. One company of Americans, along with Canadian and Scottish troops, fought a bloody battle with Bolshevik forces on November 11, 1918 -- Armistice Day in France.
“Events moved so fast in 1918, they made the mission moot,” says Nelson, author of The Polar Bear Expedition*.* “They kept these guys in isolated, naked positions well into 1919. The biggest complaint you heard from the soldiers was, No one can tell us why were here, especially after the Armistice.” The Bolshevik Revolution had “dismayed” most Americans, Russia scholar Warren B. Walsh wrote in 1947, “mostly because we thought that the Bolsheviks were German agents or, at least, were playing our enemys game.” But with Germanys defeat, many Americans -- including many Polar Bears -- questioned why U.S. troops were still at war.
While the Polar Bears played a reluctant role in the Russian Civil War, the U.S. commander in Siberia, General William Graves, did his best to keep his troops out of it. In August 1918, before Graves left the U.S., Secretary of War Newton Baker met the general to personally hand him Wilsons memo about the mission. “Watch your step; you will be walking on eggs loaded with dynamite,” Baker warned Graves. He was right.
Graves and the AEF Siberia landed in Vladivostok that month with, as Graves later wrote, “no information as to the military, political, social, economic, or financial situation in Russia.” The Czechs, not the Bolsheviks, controlled most of Siberia, including the Trans-Siberian Railway. Graves deployed his troops to guard parts of the railway and the coal mines that powered it -- the lifeline for the Czechs and White Russians fighting the Red Army.
But Russias quickly shifting politics complicated Graves mission. In November 1918, an authoritarian White Russian admiral, Alexander Kolchak, overthrew a provisional government in Siberia that the Czechs had supported. With that, and the war in Europe over, the Czechs stopped fighting the Red Army, wanting instead to return to their newly independent homeland. Now Graves was left to maintain a delicate balance: keep the Trans-Siberian Railway open to ferry secret military aid to Kolchak, without outright joining the Russian Civil War.
![Alexander Kolchak](https://th-thumbnailer.cdn-si-edu.com/-E-5DL-klwOiKe8PvaotWEcHlu8=/fit-in/1072x0/https://tf-cmsv2-smithsonianmag-media.s3.amazonaws.com/filer/83/fa/83fa6a87-dbfb-4c85-b550-68e406f238b9/kolchak_decorating_troops.jpg)
Alexander Kolchak decorates his troops [Wikicommons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_movement#/media/File:Kolchak_decorating_troops.jpg)
Opposition to the Russia deployments grew at home. “What is the policy of our nation toward Russia?” asked Senator Hiram Johnson, a progressive Republican from California, in a speech on December 12, 1918. “I do not know our policy, and I know no other man who knows our policy.” Johnson, a reluctant supporter of Americas entry into World War I, joined with anti-war progressive [Senator Robert La Follette](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/fake-news-and-fervent-nationalism-got-senator-robert-la-follette-tarred-traitor-his-anti-war-views-180965317/) to build opposition to the Russia missions.
The Bolsheviks January 1919 offensive against American troops in north Russia -- which began with the deadly attack on Meads platoon -- attracted attention in newspapers across the nation. For seven days, the Polar Bears, outnumbered eight to one, retreated north under fire from several villages along the Vaga River. On February 9, a *Chicago Tribune* political cartoon depicted a giant Russian bear, blood dripping from its mouth, confronting a much smaller soldier holding the U.S. flag. “At Its Mercy,” the caption read.
On February 14, Johnsons resolution challenging the U.S. deployment in north Russia failed by one vote in the Senate, with Vice President Thomas Marshall breaking a tie to defeat it. Days later, Secretary of War Baker announced that the Polar Bears would sail home “at the earliest possible moment that weather in the spring will permit” -- once the frozen White Sea thawed and Archangels port reopened. Though Bolshevik attacks continued through May, the last Polar Bears left Archangel on June 15, 1919. Their nine-month campaign had cost them 235 men. “When the last battalion set sail from Archangel, not a soldier knew, no, not even vaguely, why he had fought or why he was going now, and why his comrades were left behind -- so many of them beneath the wooden crosses,” wrote Lieutenant John Cudahy of the 339th regiment in his book *Archangel.*
But Wilson decided to keep U.S. troops in Siberia, to use the Trans-Siberian Railway to arm the White Russians and because he feared that Japan, a fellow Allied nation that had flooded eastern Siberia with 72,000 troops, wanted to take over the region and the railroad. Graves and his soldiers persevered, but they found that Americas erstwhile allies in Siberia posed the greatest danger.
Sticking to Wilsons stated (though disingenuous) goal of non-intervention in the Russian Civil War, Graves resisted pressure from other Allies—Britain, France, Japan, and the White Russians—to arrest and fight Bolsheviks in Siberia. Wilson and Baker backed him up, but the Japanese didnt want the U.S. troops there, and with Graves not taking their side, neither did the White Russians.
Across Siberia, Kolchaks forces launched a reign of terror, including executions and torture. Especially brutal were Kolchaks commanders in the far east, Cossack generals Grigori Semenov and Ivan Kalmikov. Their troops, “under the protection of Japanese troops, were roaming the country like wild animals, killing and robbing the people,” Graves wrote in his memoir. “If questions were asked about these brutal murders, the reply was that the people murdered were Bolsheviks and this explanation, apparently, satisfied the world.” Semenov, who took to harassing Americans along the Trans-Siberian Railway, commanded armored trains with names such as The Merciless, The Destroyer, and The Terrible.
![Our Soldiers in Siberia!](https://th-thumbnailer.cdn-si-edu.com/a1S3Kmg28JnKJ9NSHcF9cZR4TlU=/fit-in/1072x0/https://tf-cmsv2-smithsonianmag-media.s3.amazonaws.com/filer/ce/f1/cef1bf8b-3d02-41e7-964f-2e09d43bbfe9/50224v.jpg)
Americans on the home front were asked to buy war stamps to support the forces in Siberia Library of Congress
Just when the Americans and the White Russian bandits seemed on the verge of open warfare, the Bolsheviks began to win the Russian Civil War. In January 1920, near defeat, Kolchak asked the Czech Legion for protection. Appalled at his crimes, the Czechs instead turned Kolchak over to the Red Army in exchange for safe passage home, and a Bolshevik firing squad executed him in February. In January 1920, the Wilson administration ordered U.S. troops out of Siberia, citing “unstable civil authority and frequent local military interference” with the railway. Graves completed the withdrawal on April 1, 1920, having lost 189 men.
Veterans of the U.S. interventions in Russia wrote angry memoirs after coming home. One Polar Bear, Lieutenant Harry Costello, titled his book, *Why Did We Go To Russia?* Graves, in his memoir, defended himself against charges he shouldve aggressively fought Bolsheviks in Siberia and reminded readers of White Russian atrocities. In 1929, some former soldiers of the 339th regiment returned to North Russia to recover the remains of 86 comrades. Forty-five of them are now buried in White Chapel Cemetery near Detroit, surrounding a white statue of a fierce polar bear.
Historians tend to see Wilsons decision to send troops to Russia as one of his worst wartime decisions, and a foreshadowing of other poorly planned American interventions in foreign countries in the century since. “It didnt really achieve anything—it was ill-conceived,” says Nelson of the Polar Bear Expedition. “The lessons were there that couldve been applied in Vietnam and couldve been applied in Iraq.”
Jonathan Casey, director of archives at the World War I Museum, agrees. “We didnt have clear goals in mind politically or militarily,” he says. “We think we have an interest to protect, but its not really our interest to protect, or at least to make a huge effort at it. Maybe there are lessons we shouldve learned.”
**A Note to our Readers**
Smithsonian magazine participates in affiliate link advertising programs. If you purchase an item through these links, we receive a commission.
[Military](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/tag/military/) [Russia](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/tag/russia/) [Russian Revolution](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/tag/russian-revolution/) [US Military](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/tag/us-military/) [Woodrow Wilson](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/tag/woodrow-wilson/) [World War I](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/tag/world-war-i/)
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# The Great Dumpling Drama of Glendale, California
![An illustrated, retro arcade game screen shows a dumpling, with hands in mid-play.](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/Y8tUtHMIPOx_1qcS0moHA7YoA7U=/0x0:3000x2000/1200x675/filters:focal(1260x760:1740x1240)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/72001425/11_Arcade.0.jpg)Pablo Espinosa Gutiérrez
Taiwanese chain Din Tai Fung is at the center of an all-out tug-of-war between two of LAs biggest malls, but the fight says something even bigger about the future of the mall itself
by Feb 22, 2023, 9:15am EST
[![](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24432556/Recirc_Mall_Food.png)](https://www.eater.com/e/23362491)
Perhaps we should start with the dumplings themselves, which are, of course, delicious. Worth the trip. Worth planning the trip around. Particularly the soup dumplings, or xiao long bao, which are — you could argue, and I would — the platonic ideal of the form: silky, broth-filled little clouds that explode inside your mouth upon impact. An all-timer of a dumping.
And that, more or less, is the most you will hear about the food made at the wildly popular Taiwanese dumpling chain Din Tai Fung: Its great, its a draw, its the reason for everything that follows.
The remainder of our story begins and ends and pretty much exclusively takes place in Glendale, California — a city of close to 200,000 that sits just 10 miles north of downtown Los Angeles.
Glendale, like other cities within the Greater LA region, is often unfairly provincialized. For example, my 101-year-old grandmother, a native Angeleno, still calls Glendale “Dingledale” and still complains about briefly living there about eight decades ago. These cities are — again, unfairly — given a kind of shorthand: Santa Monicas got beaches; West Hollywoods got good nightlife and (relatedly) the gays; Studio Citys got… a studio? So does Burbank. But Glendale: Glendales got more Armenians than almost anywhere but Armenia and also, malls.
![](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/gTMjw5-jdgCTIyT26JDNo6yKxPM=/0x0:1000x1000/1200x0/filters:focal(0x0:1000x1000):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24440152/Untitled_4_06.png)
Specifically, the two huge malls that dominate its downtown: the Glendale Galleria and the Americana at Brand. These malls are neighbors, separated by a single street (Central Avenue) and are even immediately next door to each other in places. And yet, they could not possibly be more different, in terms of… well, everything. Both have Apple Stores. And a Wetzels. But really, after Wetzels, thats about it.
Since 2013, the sole San Fernando Valley outpost of Din Tai Fung has been located within the Americana at Brand, a glitzy outdoor mall that opened in 2008 and is owned and operated by Caruso, a real estate company named after its founder, CEO, and lone shareholder, Rick Caruso. Perhaps youve heard of him? He recently ran to be mayor of Los Angeles, [spent $104 million](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/11/18/rick-caruso-lost-la-mayors-race-00069343) of his estimated $4 billion doing so, and lost by nearly 10 points.
![A wide intersection with two malls on either side and a group of people crossing the street.](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/MqfVDjFu4PlXXfLY2InoL330KIE=/0x0:2000x1333/1200x0/filters:focal(0x0:2000x1333):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24435367/2023_02_07_Galleria_Americana_DTF_020.jpg)
Central Avenue divides the two malls, the Galleria on the left, and the Americana on the right.
Late last summer, as Carusos campaign was gearing up to [spend more on local TV ads](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-09-16/caruso-ad-buy) than any mayoral candidate in the citys history, word got out that Din Tai Fung was leaving Carusos biggest mall (in square footage), the Americana. Not just leaving. Din Tai Fung was moving across the street. To the much more indoor, much less “cool” mall: the Galleria.
This was odd — definitely unexpected — and *great* gossip for a certain type of Angeleno who is aware of both the Americana and the Galleria and the garlic green bean situation at Din Tai Fung. In the 1980s teen rom-com movie version of this, it was like the most attractive, [high-achieving girl](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Say_Anything...) in high school — Din Tai Fung — suddenly dating someone — the Galleria — from a whole different social clique; the [Lloyd Dobler](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pvuv2sn5fDQ) of malls.
Part of this image of the Galleria as somehow lower status than the Americana is simply that its an older mall, from an older era of mall design and philosophy. When it opened, in 1976, the Gallerias principal designer, Jon Jerde, was heavily influenced by an essay by the novelist Ray Bradbury, published in *The Los Angeles Times WEST Magazine* and titled “Somewhere to Go.” For another Jerde mall, in San Diego, Bradbury even wrote a manifesto of sorts called “The Aesthetics of Lostness” — a phrase that, as the writer Andrew OHagan [recently put it](https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v44/n24/andrew-o-hagan/short-cuts), “still provides the best definition of the ambience of shopping malls, a feeling of comforting distraction and exciting misplacedness akin to foreign travel.”
![](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/C--yn1WH5S-sTpYL-392-Q0KNG0=/0x0:1000x1000/1200x0/filters:focal(0x0:1000x1000):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24440154/Untitled_4_02.png)
When I consider the aesthetics of lostness, Jerdes Galleria immediately springs to mind. Specifically, its many-leveled, labyrinthine parking garage where — once, and never again — I forgot to take a photo of where Id parked my car and ended up walking from floor to floor, pressing my keys and trying to hear it honk for — and Im not even exaggerating one little bit here — two hours and 50-some-odd minutes.
The absolute horror and confusion brought about by the Gallerias parking structure is also [a running joke](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1287182624335843328) on the [Americana at Brand Memes](https://twitter.com/americanamemes?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor) account, a popular parody Twitter account that [goofs](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1134591711835934720?s=46&t=d3AGQoGlXzS5C_RBxgOxHg) on not just the [Americana](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1133904312029941760?s=46&t=d3AGQoGlXzS5C_RBxgOxHg), but the [Galleria](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1428201380804657155?s=46&t=d3AGQoGlXzS5C_RBxgOxHg) [and other malls throughout Los Angeles](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1131991715194126337?cxt=HHwWgoCmjfWd0rUfAAAA), as well as [countless](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1615799331336093696?cxt=HHwWgIDQycq7vOwsAAAA) [other](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1613242689520275456?cxt=HHwWgMDQ1bjrseMsAAAA) [extremely specific](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1567602210292518917) [details](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1611052545199439873?cxt=HHwWgoDQ8aHwzdssAAAA) about living in LA. Its the sort of hyperlocal humor that, particularly in LA — which is [not one city but many](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/05/los-angeles-city-state/619042/), and vast, and often lonely — helps bind the place together, reminding us of our common, shared experiences, like losing our car [in a mall parking lot](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1505772185629077505).
Last August, moments after [news of the Din Tai Fung move broke](https://la.eater.com/2022/8/4/23292156/am-intel-morning-briefing-news-restaurant-los-angeles-din-tai-fung-americana-glendale-galleria), the man who runs the Americana at Brand Memes Twitter account was out to breakfast with his mother-in-law when his phone began buzzing. Something was up. The buzzing did not stop. Hmm, he thought. This is probably big. This man — lets just call him Mike — checked his phone. Oh, wow, yes. “This was like when Lebron left Cleveland,” he said, recalling the moment he saw his replies and learned the news. This was months later; we were talking on the phone. I reminded Mike that Lebron left Cleveland *twice*: first for Miami, then Los Angeles — two cities that are quite a bit flashier than Cleveland. Was he saying the Galleria was like those cities?
“Right,” Mike told me. “Right. No. You know, I dont really follow sports.” Also, the Americana is nothing like Cleveland. I mean, its got one of those Vegas Bellagio-style fountains that fires off streams of choreographed dancing water. Also: a whimsical steampunk parking lot elevator. And a Cheesecake Factory. And a trolley! The Americanas aesthetics are decidedly not of lostness. There is no “excited misplacedness,” no sense of the foreign. Its all quite calming and familiar because its more or less Walt Disneys Main Street, U.S.A., a place that, even if youve never been, you know. “So, what citys like the Galleria?” Mike asked me. I said I wasnt sure. Milwaukee, maybe?
Not long after he learned of the Din Tai Fung move, Mike fired off a tweet: First, a screencap from the show [*Nathan for You*](https://www.cc.com/shows/nathan-for-you), in which host Nathan Fielder presents small business owners with insane-sounding plans for growing their revenue. “The plan?” Mike then wrote. “Move Din Tai Fung from the Americana to the Galleria. So, people can start parking at the Galleria and actually go to the Galleria.”
This tracked. It is a [well-known fact](https://twitter.com/americanamemes/status/1216568609545175040?lang=en) that the parking at the Galleria is free, while at the Americana, it is not. Indeed, the time Id lost my car there, Id not actually gone into the mall either. Later, Mike tweeted, “Wow! CNN is covering it!” and a screencap of Wolf Blitzer with the photoshopped chyron “Din Tai Fung Leaves The Americana for The Glendale Galleria.”
---
**The reasons behind Din Tai Fung** up and leaving the Americana are, from one angle, pretty cut-and-dried. This was a business decision. Din Tai Fung had “needed “more space for equipment upgrades” (their words, echoed by the official line from the Caruso camp: “\[T\]hey inquired about additional space \[which\] … we were unable to accommodate…”). The lease was coming up, and Brookfield Properties — which owns the Galleria — offered Din Tai Fung a location that was much bigger, with higher visibility, just across the street from the Americanas Cheesecake Factory, smack in the middle of Central Avenue, and right at the main entrance of the Galleria where a Gap used to be. Keith Isselhardt, the Senior Vice President of Leasing at Brookfield who oversaw the deal, told me it was as simple as “one plus one equals three,” that the Galleria was, according to him, a property with “masses of asses,” and that they could put Din Tai Fung right on the corner of “Main and Main.”
![](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/9xOlwhN3Hd1-QOUEWS8H31kLa2Y=/0x0:1000x1000/1200x0/filters:focal(0x0:1000x1000):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24440156/Untitled_4_01.png)
Richard Kessler, the COO of [a New York-based real estate company](https://benensoncapital.com/) that owns malls and other retail properties throughout America, told me that when a restaurant like Din Tai Fung is in play, the rules change. Most restaurants in most malls are what Kessler would call commodity restaurants. Kessler lives in New York City, so his version of a commodity restaurant is a couple of Italian spots near his house. “The food is okay. And if, on a Sunday night, we want pasta, which we usually do, well go there because its right there,” he said. These are incidental places. You go to them because, hey, you were just walking by, and you were hungry, so why not? “But then — then there are restaurants that are so amazing and special and unique that they could be in the basement of a parking garage, and youd go.” Din Tai Fung was like that, Kessler said. It was a draw. The dream of every mall owner.
![A steamer basket of delicate dumplings sits beside plates of greens, a tower of cucumbers, and a plate of wood-ear mushrooms](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/LKNpvwyKGUVSRRMH9iIkWGYll4c=/0x0:2000x1333/1200x0/filters:focal(0x0:2000x1333):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24435377/2023_02_07_Galleria_Americana_DTF_039.jpg)
Din Tai Fung has its roots in Taipei, and has become famous in the U.S. for its xiao long bao dumplings.
The archetypal mall is arranged around the symbiotic concepts of foot traffic and impulse shopping: the idea that people often go to a mall with one primary purchase to make — but on their way, because theyre there and happen to see something else, they make another, and another. Department stores, located at either end of what Kessler called “the spine of the mall,” are the classic example. “The reason theyre there is because people want to go to them, and while theyre getting to them, theyre passing all the other shops.” Foot traffic like this determines nearly everything in malls, but particularly when it comes to lease negotiation. Every business that isnt itself a draw wants to be near one because of the increased foot traffic, which will, inevitably, lead to increased business.
But department stores dont anchor like they used to, and tracking foot traffic has become a lot more scientific in the smartphone era. Today, Kessler told me that the highest rents in any given mall are usually near the Apple Store, which has the added benefit of being a place folks go not only to buy something but to wait for appointments. And while they wait in an environment hyper-engineered to get them shopping — well, they shop.
An eternally crowded restaurant like Din Tai Fung also works as a kind of Apple Store, but for food. People stand around, waiting for their table, waiting for the rest of their party to arrive, and — oh, hey. Whats that? A Sunglass Hut?
One of the oddest parts about Din Tai Fungs current Glendale location within the Americana is that its off in one quiet corner of the mall, somewhat isolated from other storefronts. Rather than facing the malls spine, its primary entrance faces a wide street — Brand Boulevard — while the back entrance is in a alleyway near the valet parking. There isnt much opportunity for spillover business.
But the other angle to Din Tai Fung leaving that is not so cut-and-dried has to do with what Din Tai Fung represents to the Galleria, and what the Galleria represents to malls, and what malls represent to all of us.
Din Tai Fung is a new kind of tenant for the Galleria, where the only other restaurant with a full-service dining room is a Red Robin. While high-end, destination dining within malls is not particularly new (indeed, Isselhardt rattled off the names of half a dozen other fancy restaurant tenants at other mall properties of Brookfields), a restaurant like Din Tai Fung in a mall like the Galleria is different, I think, because the Galleria is different — certainly different from the Americana. But also representative of a whole previous era of malls and of an older, more utopian philosophy of what malls might be. And, more to the point, who they might be for.
That Ray Bradbury essay that inspired the Gallerias design is about the novelists great hope for shopping malls and how they could solve the ongoing problem of centerlessness in Los Angeles, his hometown. Bradbury wrote that these spaces could act like contained, miniaturized downtowns, [full of plazas](https://scvhistory.com/scvhistory/bradbury.htm) and people. Malls, he wrote, are meant for everyone — everyone needed “somewhere to go,” and malls could be that somewhere. But Bradbury had an ironic blind spot for the guy who wrote *Fahrenheit 451*. Malls are for the public only [up to a line](https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781315095202-13/fortress-los-angeles-militarization-urban-space-mike-davis), which is drawn by the malls owner. When Rick Caruso was campaigning for mayor, his company [denied protestors permission](https://spectrumnews1.com/ca/la-west/politics/2022/08/16/plaintiffs-critical-of-caruso-sue-over-alleged-grove-protest-restrictions) to hold small-scale marches against his candidacy at the companys highest grossing property, the Grove, another outdoor shopping mall that has, [in some years](https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2013/03/rick-caruso-the-grove-la), pulled in more visitors than even Disneyland. And even when visitors arent explicitly excluded, there are subtler ways that malls signal who they are for, simply by what is affordable, or not; by whether the parking is free, or not.
There was something undeniably democratic about the Galleria — a mall that, I readily admit, I had spent very little time in until reporting this essay — where there is a Macys *and* a Target *and* a Bloomingdales *and* a JCPenney. The hodgepodge of shops, some of which werent even shops at all, I found strange and delightful: like the escape room above Selfie WRLD and next to the military recruitment center. Or in a space I kept wandering back to, at first for utilitarian reasons (a seat, a drink, a bathroom, a kebab) and later for the simple pleasure of people watching. This zone was my absolute favorite within the Galleria, and it reminded me of a line in Alexandra Langes essential history of malls, *Meet Me by the Fountain* — that “people love to be in public with other people” and that this “is the core of the malls strength, and the essence of its ongoing utility.”
My favorite space? It was the food court — a place of some special historical importance, as it is where the very first Panda Express opened, in 1983. It was also just a crazy hubbub of office workers out on their lunch breaks, families out shopping, packs of teenagers out doing mysterious teenage things. I spent one lunch watching as two young military recruiters egged each other on to approach the various packs of teens and give them their pitch. Great human drama, all of it, just there for my viewing pleasure. And the parking was free.
Recently, after many visits to both the Galleria and the Americana, I called up Clara Irazábal, the director of the Urban Studies and Planning Program at the University of Maryland. Irazábal had lived in LA and [written a paper](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13563470701640150) Id encountered, comparing malls in Hong Kong with those in Los Angeles. Irazábal had also in her long career considered urban spaces in Brazil, Colombia, Chile, Trinidad and Tobago, and her native Venezuela, as well as all over the U.S. I wanted to talk to her about how odd it was to find a far more vibrant, lively, city-like scene in the enclosed and unhip food court of the much older mall, and not in the open-air mall across the street that was, after all, meant to look like a fantasy vision of Main Street in small-town America in the early 20th century.
![Tables and chairs are lined up within a colorful indoor food court.](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/c2ARBi6idkyZ2xsLItLRNymeRdA=/0x0:2000x1333/1200x0/filters:focal(0x0:2000x1333):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24435388/2023_02_07_Galleria_Americana_DTF_010.jpg)
The current food court at the Glendale Galleria skews multicultural, and was home for the first Panda Express.
I told Irazábal about Din Tai Fung, about how its enclosed dining room, reservation situation, and food prices all stood in such stark contrast to a food court spot like Massis Kabob, which has been in the Galleria since it opened. And I realized, as I was going on about how invigorating it was to see this busy mix of workers and shoppers and families and teens and retirees, this jumbled cross-section of *citizens* in what is so often a lonely and isolating place, that Id got the Galleria all wrong. It wasnt this weird, empty wasteland unworthy of an extraordinary dumpling shop. And it wasnt that no one ever went there. Its that *I* never went there. Maybe because Id bought into the idea that malls were dead or dying or just not for me. And maybe the internationally heralded dumpling house moving there wasnt exactly a get but a threat to the messier, certainly more lowbrow, but absolutely more fun space: the food court.
“It sounds wonderful,” Irazábal said of the court. “A place to appreciate the polity.” Yes. That was it. This was a place for everyone. “Its sad,” Irazábal continued, “we are getting farther and farther away from these spaces, where we can have casual encounters. That lessens our fear of the other, you know. If we arent exposed to people who are different in all sorts of ways, we start fearing them. We fear the unknown, and change, so this new mall, it is very comforting for the people that visit it because they arent exposed to anything that they dont know or expect. There are no surprises, theres no chance encounter with people who are dissimilar. It feels safe. But, really, it is dangerous.” Dangerous? “Oh, yes,” Irazábal said. “For society. For democracy. Dangerous for us all.”
---
[*Ryan Bradley*](http://www.rfbradley.com/) *is a writer in Los Angeles.*
[*Pablo Espinosa Gutiérrez*](https://sugacyan.com/work) *is a psychedelic illustrator with a lifelong dream of secretly living in a mall.*
*Fact checked by Kelsey Lannin*
*Copy edited by Leilah Bernstein*
 
 
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> [@thefirstgenmentor](https://www.tiktok.com/@thefirstgenmentor "@thefirstgenmentor")
>
> Reply to @valvillota [#latinxcreatives](https://www.tiktok.com/tag/latinxcreatives "latinxcreatives") [#spanishtiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/tag/spanishtiktok "spanishtiktok") [#familia](https://www.tiktok.com/tag/familia "familia")
> Reply to @valvillota [`#latinxcreatives`](https://www.tiktok.com/tag/latinxcreatives "latinxcreatives") [`#spanishtiktok`](https://www.tiktok.com/tag/spanishtiktok "spanishtiktok") [`#familia`](https://www.tiktok.com/tag/familia "familia")
>
> [♬ Familia P.Luche Aleks Syntek](https://www.tiktok.com/music/Familia-PLuche-6927669951767693313 "♬ Familia P.Luche - Aleks Syntek")

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Tag: ["Art", "Crime", "🎥", "🇺🇸", "🚫"]
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Date: 2022-12-11
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# The Harvey Weinstein Trial and the Myth of the Perfect Perpetrator
For the past two months, the ninth floor of the Clara Shortridge Foltz Criminal Justice Center, in downtown Los Angeles, has been a proving ground for some of the most heinous and high-profile accusations to emerge from the [#MeToo movement](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/me-too). On one end of the hall, there was Danny Masterson, the TV star and Scientologist, on trial for the rape of three women at his home in the Hollywood Hills. (Masterson pleaded not guilty on all counts.) On the opposite end, the former Hollywood mogul [Harvey Weinstein](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/harvey-weinstein) faced charges of sexual penetration by foreign object, sexual battery by restraint, forcible oral copulation, and forcible rape, for incidents that allegedly took place at various Beverly Hills hotels between 2005 and 2013, when, at the height of his career, he was in Los Angeles for business. (Weinstein has pleaded not guilty.)
For the past two months, the ninth floor of the Clara Shortridge Foltz Criminal Justice Center, in downtown Los Angeles, has been a proving ground for some of the most heinous and high-profile accusations to emerge from the [`#MeToo` movement](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/me-too). On one end of the hall, there was Danny Masterson, the TV star and Scientologist, on trial for the rape of three women at his home in the Hollywood Hills. (Masterson pleaded not guilty on all counts.) On the opposite end, the former Hollywood mogul [Harvey Weinstein](https://www.newyorker.com/tag/harvey-weinstein) faced charges of sexual penetration by foreign object, sexual battery by restraint, forcible oral copulation, and forcible rape, for incidents that allegedly took place at various Beverly Hills hotels between 2005 and 2013, when, at the height of his career, he was in Los Angeles for business. (Weinstein has pleaded not guilty.)
The exposure of Weinstein as a predator, in the New York *Times* and *The New Yorker*, in 2017, helped propel the #MeToo movement—emboldening victims of sexual violence to speak out about their experiences and, in some instances, to seek justice. So Weinsteins trial in Los Angeles is unavoidably symbolic, a referendum on the abuse of power, the nuances of consent, and the credibility of women, five years after a supposed collective shift in consciousness. According to pool reports, during voir dire, the lawyers questioned potential jurors feelings about #MeToo and the phrase “believe all women.” They also wanted to know what the potential jurors already knew about Weinstein, who, in 2020, was convicted in New York of third-degree rape and a first-degree criminal sexual act, and sentenced to twenty-three years in prison. (He has been granted an appeal.) In this trial, four accusers would testify, along with four propensity witnesses—alleged victims of uncharged crimes, whose stories, the prosecution hoped, would establish a pattern of behavior. Weinstein would not testify.
The exposure of Weinstein as a predator, in the New York *Times* and *The New Yorker*, in 2017, helped propel the `#MeToo` movement—emboldening victims of sexual violence to speak out about their experiences and, in some instances, to seek justice. So Weinsteins trial in Los Angeles is unavoidably symbolic, a referendum on the abuse of power, the nuances of consent, and the credibility of women, five years after a supposed collective shift in consciousness. According to pool reports, during voir dire, the lawyers questioned potential jurors feelings about `#MeToo` and the phrase “believe all women.” They also wanted to know what the potential jurors already knew about Weinstein, who, in 2020, was convicted in New York of third-degree rape and a first-degree criminal sexual act, and sentenced to twenty-three years in prison. (He has been granted an appeal.) In this trial, four accusers would testify, along with four propensity witnesses—alleged victims of uncharged crimes, whose stories, the prosecution hoped, would establish a pattern of behavior. Weinstein would not testify.
For both sides, Weinstein is the iconic Bad Man—the “monster,” per the prosecution, or the scapegoat, his defense might say. In his opening statement, one of Weinsteins lawyers, Mark Werksman, argued that the case was not about wrongdoing by Weinstein, but, rather, about regret, recontextualization, and lies. “You will learn that the allegations can be traced directly to a movement called the MeToo movement,” Werksman said. “An asteroid called the MeToo movement hit Earth with such ferocity that everything changed overnight. And Mr. Weinstein became the epicenter of the MeToo movement.”
His metaphor, though mixed, was telling: he describes #MeToo as a destructive external force that cratered his client. Wrong place, wrong time; alas, no one told Weinstein that the rules had changed. This is Weinsteins umbrella defense. In New York, before sentencing, he addressed the court. “Im totally confused, and I think men are confused about all of these issues,” Weinstein said.
His metaphor, though mixed, was telling: he describes `#MeToo` as a destructive external force that cratered his client. Wrong place, wrong time; alas, no one told Weinstein that the rules had changed. This is Weinsteins umbrella defense. In New York, before sentencing, he addressed the court. “Im totally confused, and I think men are confused about all of these issues,” Weinstein said.
In the L.A. case, Werksman painted Weinsteins accusers, four women identified in court as Jane Does No. 1 through 4, as the attention-seeking pick-mes of a wannabe victim army. The defense claimed that Jane Doe No. 1 and Jane Doe No. 2—she testified in the New York trial, publicly identifying herself as Lauren Young—fabricated their stories outright. Jane Doe No. 3 and Jane Doe No. 4, Werksman said, reframed consensual adult relationships—of the transactional, casting-couch variety—as felonies.

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# The Highs, Lows, and Whoas of the 2023 Grammy Awards
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/d40/93e/392dd23fac0c37b3128d680db9956d4714-harry-styles.rhorizontal.w700.jpg)
Photo: Robert Gauthier/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images
The biggest Grammys in recent memory was, as these things go, [the most polarizing](https://www.vulture.com/2023/02/grammys-harry-styles-album-of-the-year.html). Beyoncé expectedly broke the record for most Grammy wins of all time but still couldnt ride that wave to an Album of the Year trophy. A slew of A-listers was in the house, but left-field picks like Bonnie Raitt and Samara Joy won out in major categories. The tribute performances actually delivered(!), while stars like Harry Styles, shockingly, didnt. But just like the Academy hyping Beyoncé and AOTY all night, Im getting ahead of myself. Here are the highs, lows, and whoas of the 2023 ceremony.
**High: A young wave washes up.**
The Grammys may have doubled the nominee pool for Best New Artist, but that hasnt necessarily lifted up new artists down ballot — except for this year, when four of the ten Best New Artist nominees won Grammys in their respective genre categories: Molly Tuttle for Best Bluegrass Album, Samara Joy for Best Jazz Album, Muni Long for Best R&B Performance, and [Wet Leg](https://www.vulture.com/2022/08/wet-leg-david-byrne-interview.html) for Best Alternative Song and Album. On top of that, Latto and DOMi and JD Beck earned nominations outside BNA. Younger acts like Billie Eilish, Lizzo, and Olivia Rodrigo have been some of the biggest Grammys players in recent years, so its great to see the Academy carrying on that investment to the next generation.
**Low: But old habits die hard.**
Still, in the categories with some of the most exciting nominees, voters fell back on people they knew best. Ozzy Osbourne won Best Metal Performance and Best Rock Album despite competition from breakout hardcore band Turnstile in the former and popular rockers like Idles and Machine Gun Kelly (sorry, its true!) in the latter. Meanwhile, in country, Willie Nelson won his 14th and 15th Grammys, for Best Country Solo Performance and Best Country Album, over more contemporary movers like Kelsea Ballerini, Maren Morris, and Zach Bryan. Yes, Ozzy and Willie are great, but every time the Grammys continue to award an artist like them, they miss the chance to get it right with future legends.
**Whoa: Up next on the red carpet, its** [***Miss Americana* star Tree Paine**](https://www.thecut.com/2020/02/who-is-tree-paine-meet-taylor-swifts-publicist-in-miss-americana.html)**!**
Its not every day you see one of the most powerful women in music fixing dresses.
**High: Bad Bunny opens the show with members of the crowd on their feet.**
The easiest way to start at a ten may be to book Bad Bunny as your opening artist. That happened when Benito kicked things off by snaking through the audience to an equally crowded stage with dozens of dancers and a full backing band. [He got nearly everyone on their feet](https://www.vulture.com/2023/02/bad-bunny-grammys-performance-2023.html), from Taylor Swift to Jack Harlow (except for Mary J. Blige — we see you!), dancing to the burst of joy that is “Después de la Playa.” And *now* you know [why everyones rushing to his concerts](https://www.vulture.com/2022/08/bad-bunny-yankee-stadium-photos-bronx.html).
**Meh: Trevor Noah gives it 50 percent.**
In his third year of hosting, and his first away from *The Daily Show*, Trevor Noah seemed more comfortable than ever at the Grammys. Yes, Noah did his job: He cracked jokes about the nominees, put in some crowd work, and kept us up to date on how close Beyoncé was to breaking the all-time-wins record. But he didnt do much beyond that. “I was so inspired by the lyrics of Break My Soul that I actually quit my job,” he joked. Is Noah quiet quitting *this* job now too?
**Whoa: Brandi Carlile melts some faces.**
I was initially disappointed that the Grammys didnt book a big rock nominee like Turnstile or Wet Leg to perform, but the Academy can always rely on its mainstay when it counts. After winning awards in American Roots and Country, and even earning a nomination in Pop, [Brandi Carlile](https://www.vulture.com/2021/04/interview-brandi-carlile-memoir-broken-horses.html) found a new way to break Grammys ground this year, netting awards for Best Rock Performance and Song. And if you didnt believe she belonged in a field alongside Ozzy and the Black Keys, she proceeded to prove you wrong with her performance of “Broken Horses.” Flanked by her longtime twin producers on guitars and not-twins Lucius on backing vocals, Carlile shredded, screamed, and scorched her way through the Grammy-winning track.
**Whoa: Where was Beyoncé?**
L.A. traffic strikes again. Beyoncé wasnt even there to see herself tie the record for most Grammy wins of all time, because she was stuck in a limo on her way to Crypto.com Arena. Her co-winner for Best R&B Song, the-Dream, [accepted on her behalf](https://twitter.com/phil_lewis_/status/1622411729417150466).
**High: Stevie Wonder and Smokey Robinson bring some Motown magic.**
It was impossible to not smile during Stevie Wonder and Smokey Robinsons Motown medley, which honored MusiCares Person of the Year winners Robinson and label founder Berry Gordy. Wonder anchored the performance, still sounding as good as he did six decades ago, while Robinson was just having fun doing what he does best (swaying to “The Tears of a Clown”). Even Chris Stapleton slipped into “Higher Ground” perfectly in a rare instance of a Grammy Moment™ actually working.
**Whoa: Kim Petras is the first transgender winner of Best Pop Duo/Group Performance.**
And you know Sam Smith [told her](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/sam-smith-wrong-not-first-871208/) to say it. (That said, [Petras gave a touching tribute to her late trans collaborator SOPHIE](https://www.vulture.com/2023/02/sam-smith-kim-petras-grammys-win-history.html) while managing to shout out both her gay mother, Madonna, *and* her actual mother.)
**Low: Harry Styles is off to a shaky start.**
Harry Styles played five shows in the ten days before the Grammys and, well, we could tell from the moment he opened his mouth. Styles missed some of the first notes during his performance of “As It Was” and couldnt recover, consistently going for the lower notes on the chorus. To make matters worse, he wedged a confusing, borderline-silly dance routine on a spinning platform midway through the performance.
**Whoa: Quavos In Memoriam for Takeoff hits close to home.**
The Grammys gave fans a bit of a warning by announcing that Quavo would be one of the In Memoriam performers, honoring his late nephew and collaborator, Takeoff. But even that couldnt have prepared viewers for the sight of an empty chair and mic adorned with the late rappers chain as Quavo performed the tribute song “Without You” (backed by gospel group Maverick City Music performing “See You Again” in a mashup that surprisingly worked). All of the tributes — which included Kacey Musgraves singing “Coal Miners Daughter” for Loretta Lynn as well as Bonnie Raitt, Sheryl Crow, and Mick Fleetwood doing “Songbird” for Christine McVie — were polished and felt, but this one hit another emotional level.
**Low: Well, Sam Smith and Kim Petras warned us.**
Because that performance was something unholy — and not in a good way.
**Whoa: Hip-hop overload.**
There was no way the Grammys could wedge more than two dozen rap performances into one segment and satisfy everyone. But this is the Grammys, so they still tried, even if that meant your favorite rapper only got eight bars out of it (who cuts off “The Message”?!). Not that it mattered — the tribute in honor of hip-hops 50th anniversary was an exciting, whiplash-inducing trip through rap history featuring the most legends you could crowd onstage in ten minutes. Grandmaster Flash and DJ Jazzy Jeff scratched it up, Missy Elliott and GloRilla got the crowd moving, Busta Rhymes and Black Thought *spit*. Also — shoutout to Fatima Robinson for her high-energy choreography and the Roots for holding things down as the medleys backing band.
**High: Beyoncé earns her spot in Grammys history.**
Yes, I know, you already heard it at least ten times from Trevor Noah and James Corden. But still, wasnt it touching seeing [Beyoncé break the record for most Grammys won](https://www.vulture.com/2023/02/beyonce-most-grammy-awards-history.html) and getting [*some* Academy recognition](https://www.vulture.com/2023/02/grammys-2023-beyonce-how-many-grammys-ranked.html) for her game-changing career? The speech that followed was a rare moment of vulnerability from Bey, who, on the verge of tears, thanked her late uncle Johnny and the queer community for paving the way for her dance-history tribute, *Renaissance*.
**High: The vocals.**
After Stevie Wonder and Chris Stapletons run-off in the Motown medley, the night turned into a battle of the voices. Lizzo brought a whole choir for her performance of “About Damn Time” and “Special” with some church-worthy belting, Luke Combs showed off the vocals that got him out of his bar bouncer gig, and Mary J. Blige blew everyone out of the water with a showstopping performance of “Good Morning Gorgeous.” Even Steve Lacy threw a few more runs into “Bad Habit.” The Grammys tend to prize some good-old-fashioned wailing when it comes to awards, and onstage tonight, the performers gave the Academy what it wanted.
**Whoa: Curveballs all around the general categories.**
Nobody was more shocked about those wins than Bonnie Raitt, Lizzo, and Samara Joy. Up against heavy-hitters like Harry Styles, Kendrick Lamar, Adele, and Beyoncé, some true dark horses won Song and Record of the Year. Raitts face said it all when her name was read for SOTY for “Just Like That,” the title track from her 18th studio album. And sure, “About Damn Time” was a No. 1, but even Lizzo clearly thought she was in the middle of the pack based on her equally surprised reaction. The trend held through Best New Artist, when breakout jazz singer Samara Joy beat out more recognizable names like Latto, Anitta, and Omar Apollo. Yes, all these wins had explanations: Raitt was the only solo writer up for Song of the Year (she won a Lifetime Achievement Grammy last year), Lizzo is a highly visible pop star who was snubbed in the generals for her last album thanks to a Billie Eilish sweep, and Joy wasnt even the first jazz musician to win Best New Artist. But after Jon Batiste surprised in Album of the Year in 2022, the post-committee Grammys are sending a clear message: The Academy is more than okay with charting its own path away from the mainstream.
**Low: Album of the Year remains out of reach for Beyoncé.**
The last time Beyoncé lost Album of the Year, for *Lemonade* in 2017, [Vultures Rembert Browne wrote](https://www.vulture.com/2017/02/what-more-does-beyonc-have-to-do-to-win-album-of-the-year.html) that she would “have to make an album of the decade” to win the top honor. Clearly, that wasnt even enough after Beyoncé was snubbed in the category for a fourth time for [her earth-shaking seventh album, *Renaissance*](https://www.vulture.com/2022/08/beyonce-renaissance-review.html). Maybe the Academy thought making her the most-awarded artist in Grammys history would be adequate. But is that all lip service if only *one* of those 32 awards was in a general category? I mean, Bonnie Raitt has more general-category wins than Beyoncé does! “There is no such thing as best in music,” a bewildered, slightly uncomfortable Harry Styles said in his acceptance speech for *Harrys House*. Except sometimes, its painfully obvious that there is — and the Academy still doesnt see it.
**Whoa: God did.**
Not even God could help the Academy come back from that Beyoncé snub. Sure, it was fun to see another wild lineup of rap icons sharing a stage (er, street) for that performance, but the most fitting moment to come out of it may have just been DJ Khaled and Jay-Z saying “it breaks my heart.”
The Highs, Lows, and Whoas of the 2023 Grammy Awards
 
 
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# Trumps Killing Spree: The Inside Story of His Race to Execute Every Prisoner He Could
I n the final moments of Brandon Bernards life, before he was executed by lethal injection at a federal penitentiary in Terre Haute, Indiana, on Dec. 10, 2020, President [Donald Trump](https://www.rollingstone.com/t/donald-trump/) picked up the phone to entertain a final plea for mercy on Bernards behalf. The call was not with Bernards family or his attorneys. Nor was it with representatives from the Justice Departments Pardon Attorney office, who had recommended just days earlier that Trump spare Bernards life.
Rather, the call was with Jamal Fincher Jones, better known as [Polow da Don](https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-country/polow-da-don-country-radio-wycz-nashville-846164/), a music producer responsible for hits like [Ludacris](https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/gunna-ludacris-musicians-on-musicians-1240104/) “Pimpin All Over the World” and [Nicki Minaj](https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/nicki-minajs-queen-radio-controversy-1234591274/)s “Anaconda.” Jones didnt know Bernard, but he had publicly endorsed Trump for reelection — and that, Bernards advocates had correctly suspected, gave him the best chance of getting the presidents ear. 
Trump took the call, but unfortunately for Bernard, [it was too late](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/u-s-set-execute-brandon-bernard-who-was-18-time-n1250748). The president had days earlier spoken with the family of the victims in Bernards case — a young couple whod been kidnapped and killed — and promised them the execution would go forward. “Im sorry,” he told Jones. “I cant do it.” 
Bernard was already in the execution chamber while Trump and Jones were talking. Earlier that evening, the Supreme Court had rejected his lawyers petition to delay the execution, and Trumps refusal to intervene sealed his fate. Granted a final phone call, Bernard spoke with the attorneys and investigators whod taken on his case and become his friends, telling them repeatedly that he loved them, before the line went dead. Shortly after 9 p.m. Eastern time, he was injected with Pentobarbital, a drug that cripples the central nervous system, shutting down the lungs and heart. 
“As the drug started taking its effect, hes looking in our direction, as if he just wanted somebody to help him,” says Chuck Formosa, a defense investigator whod grown close with Bernard after joining his cause in 2008 and attended the execution. “It was the most fucked-up thing Ive ever seen, watching them kill my friend.”
## Editors picks
## Related
By 9:27 p.m. Bernard was dead. In that moment, he became the ninth of 13 people executed in the final six months of the Trump administration — more federal executions than in the previous 10 administrations combined. Of the 13, six were put to death after Trump lost the election, his Justice Department accelerating the schedule to ensure they would die before the incoming administration could intercede. Before Trump, there had been only three federal executions since 1963; in January 2021, Trump oversaw three executions during a single four-day stretch.
Two years before that stretch, Trump had signed perhaps the lone broadly popular major initiative of his presidency: a bipartisan criminal-justice reform bill. By 2020, however, his political calculus had changed. As he geared up for another election, Trump White House sources say, the president was telling advisers that carrying out [capital punishment](https://www.rollingstone.com/t/capital-punishment/) would insulate him from criticism that he was soft on crime. And in his attorney general, Bill Barr, a longtime death-penalty advocate, he had the perfect accomplice.
The executions, carried out in the name of law and order, [took place at a time of peak lawlessness within](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/roger-stone-trump-prison-wikileaks-russia-barr-commuted-1027077/) the White House. While his administration killed prisoners at an unprecedented clip, Trump [spent his final months attempting to overturn the 2020 election](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-premeditated-plan-overturn-election-results-jan-6-hearing-1234610551/), culminating in the Jan. 6 ransacking of the U.S. Capitol. And though Trump did show some mercy on his way out the door, it was largely reserved for political cronies such as Paul Manafort and Roger Stone.
The killing spree ended with Trumps first term, as President Biden suspended capital punishment on the federal level, but it may only have been a pause. The former president is running again — and opened his 2024 campaign with a speech that promised more executions if he wins: “Were going to be asking \[for\] everyone who sells drugs, gets caught selling drugs to receive the [death penalty](https://www.rollingstone.com/t/death-penalty/) for their heinous acts,” Trump said in his November campaign announcement. “Because it is the only way.”
**Donald Trumps enthusiasm** for the death penalty dates back decades. His first real foray into politics was a public call for executions after five teenagers of color were arrested in the brutal rape and assault of a female jogger in New York City in 1989. “Bring back the death penalty. Bring back our police,” screamed a full-page ad Trump had placed in the New York *Daily News* at the time. The Central Park Five, as the young men came to be known, were later exonerated by DNA evidence, after they had served years in prison. But Trump never apologized for the ad.
![](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Brandon-with-family-July-2015-1.jpg?w=1024)
Brandon Bernard participated in a double murder at age 18. By 40, he was counseling at-risk youth and close with his family (pictured). BERNARD DEFENSE TEAM
By the time he was preparing for his first presidential run, Trump was pitching capital punishment to the American people again. In a May 2015 appearance on *Fox & Friends,* responding to the killing of two police officers in Mississippi, Trump said the death penalty should be “brought back strong.” Once in office, he suggested it as a potential remedy to the nations opioid crisis, a tool that could be used against dealers as a deterrent. (“If you shoot one person, they give you the death penalty,” he said. “These people can kill 2,000, 3,000 people, and nothing happens to them.”) 
His public statements on the topic were a nudge to the Justice Department, and Trumps chief law-enforcement officers took note. In 2018, his first attorney general, Jeff Sessions, began the process of lifting the two-decade, unofficial moratorium on federal executions by issuing a memo that urged federal prosecutors to use existing death-penalty statutes against drug traffickers. But it was Sessions successor, Barr, who took the concrete step in July 2019 of ordering the Federal Bureau of Prisons to resume executions. 
Barr wrote proudly of the decision in his book *One Damn Thing After Another: Memoirs of an Attorney General*, published about a year after the Trump presidency ended, devoting a whole chapter — “Bringing Justice to Violent Predators” — to the blitz of federal executions. Not a shocking move from a man who, while George H.W. Bushs attorney general in the early 1990s, praised the death penalty in a series of official recommendations, claiming that it works as a deterrent, “permanently incapacitate\[s\] extremely violent offenders,” and “serves the important societal goal of just retribution.” (Without a hint of irony, he added, “It reaffirms societys moral outrage at the wanton destruction of innocent human life.”)
Trump, of course, was not so keen to engage with the subject intellectually. The sum total of his discussions of the death penalty with his top law-enforcement officer, Barr says, was a single, offhand conversation. After an unrelated White House meeting, Barr was preparing to leave the Oval Office when, he says, he gave Trump a “heads-up” that “we would be resuming the death penalty.” Trump — apparently unaware of his own AGs longstanding philosophy on capital punishment — asked Barr if he personally supported the death penalty and why.
Trumps lack of interest in the details had grave repercussions for the people whose fates were in his hands. According to multiple sources inside the administration, Trump completely disregarded the advice of the Office of the Pardon Attorney, an administrative body designed to administer impartial pleas for clemency in death-penalty cases and other, lower-level offenses. And Barr says he does not recall discussing any of the 13 inmates who were eventually killed with the president who sent them to the death chamber. 
That means Trump never talked with Barr about Lisa Montgomery, a deeply mentally ill and traumatized person who became the [first woman executed by the federal government since 1953](https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-will-let-mentally-ill-lisa-montgomery-be-killed-in-a-few-days-biden-would-have-likely-spared-her). Or Wesley Ira Purkey, whose execution was delayed a day by a judge who ruled that his advancing Alzheimers disease had left Purkey unaware of why he was being executed. (The Supreme Court reversed that ruling the next day.) Or Daniel Lewis Lee, Dustin Lee Honken, Lezmond Charles Mitchell, Keith Dwayne Nelson, William Emmett LeCroy Jr., Christopher Andre Vialva, Orlando Cordia Hall, Alfred Bourgeois, Corey Johnson, and Dustin John Higgs.
And it means Trump never spoke with Barr about Brandon Bernard.
**Had Trump spoken** with Barr or taken the recommendation of his appointed pardon attorney, heres what he would have learned about the man he was preparing to put to death.
Bernard was on death row because of his role in the 1999 carjacking and murder of two married youth ministers, Todd and Stacie Bagley. Out driving in Killeen, Texas, the couple stopped at a convenience store, where they were approached by a group of five young men asking for a ride. When the Bagleys agreed to help, the teenagers, who were affiliated with a local gang, robbed them at gunpoint, forced them into the cars trunk, and drove to a remote part of the nearby Fort Hood military base. According to court documents, Todd, 26, and Stacie, 28, begged for their lives during the seven-hour stretch they were held in captivity. They said “Jesus loves you” in their final moments, urging their kidnappers to embrace a Christian faith, just before they were both shot in the head. Bernard, 18 at the time, was not the gunman, but he lit the car on fire with the Bagleys inside. Todd was already dead when he did so; medical examiners are divided over Stacies precise cause of death.
> As the drug started taking its effect, hes looking in our direction, as if he just wanted somebody to help him. It was the most fucked-up thing Ive seen, watching them kill my friend.
Because the killings took place on government land, Bernard was tried in federal court. At the center of the case was whether he was a ringleader in the gang or a lackey following orders. Prosecutors pushed the former notion. Meanwhile, Bernards court-appointed defense lawyer, according to the attorneys who for years helped him appeal his sentence, failed to make an opening statement. The jury sided with the prosecution, and Bernard was convicted of first-degree murder and sentenced to death.
More than a decade after Bernards 2000 trial, his appellate lawyers uncovered new information about the proceedings. They allege prosecutors withheld critical evidence supporting the idea that, far from a leader directing the murders, Bernard was just a confused teenager following instructions from his place in the gangs lowest tier. In addition, one prosecutor on Bernards case had by 2020 become one of his advocates, arguing in an op-ed that he had not deserved the death penalty and asking that his sentence be commuted. And five of the nine surviving members of the jury who sentenced Bernard to die had publicly called for him to be spared.
Bernard spent more than half of his life in jail, and by 40 had matured greatly from the 18-year-old in central Texas. During his time in prison, he was not cited for a single infraction. He was a prolific reader and writer of letters. He took up crocheting and guitar. And he dedicated himself to counseling at-risk youth.
Rob Owen, Bernards attorney for more than 20 years, says that was all consistent with the man hed watched grow up. “He was not some monster when he was 18,” Owen says. “He made a horrible, terrible decision when he was young, but I saw the same good person in that young man that I saw up until the day they killed him.”
**With weeks left** in Bernards life, he and his attorneys met on Nov. 30 via video with representatives from the Office of the Pardon Attorney. One juror from the original trial joined, saying he no longer believed Bernard should be executed. Bernard himself addressed the DOJ officials. “Todd and Stacie are always on my mind,” he said during the meeting. “I ask myself how \[I can\] honor them … I do not deserve to die, and in living, I hope to continue to show this panel, the Bagley family, and the country, through my actions, the many reasons I deserve to live.”
The offices recommendations to the president are not made public, but days after the meeting, several sources told Bernards team that the attorney had recommended Trump commute the death sentence to life in prison. “It gave us hope,” says Stacey Brownstein, who served as an investigator on Bernards defense. “It felt for a moment that things were breaking our way.”
In another administration, that might have been enough to save Bernards life. But in Trumps world, it barely registered.
While Bernards team was frantically trying to keep its client alive, the outgoing president was preparing to extend clemency to a host of convicted criminals who also happened to be his friends. The list included Paul Manafort, chairman of his 2016 campaign, who was serving a 47-month sentence for eight felony convictions, including multiple counts of tax cheating and bank fraud, as well as for storing assets in an undisclosed foreign bank account. 
Trump was also lining up a full pardon for Roger Stone, the adviser whod tried to thwart the federal investigation into ties between Trump and Russia. His seven felony convictions included witness tampering and lying to Congress. Trump had already commuted the sentence, but decided only a full pardon would do for a decades-old friend. A full pardon was also in the works for Charles Kushner — father of Trumps son-in-law Jared — who in 2005 had been sentenced to two years after being convicted of 16 counts of tax evasion. (The case also saw Kushner attempt to blackmail his own brother-in-law, whod been a cooperating witness against him, with a sex tape.) Kushner was already long done serving his sentence, but Trump deemed an additional pardon necessary. 
Those were the type of connections that earned one clemency under Trump, and Bernards team never gave up on trying to forge them. 
In late November, it looked like the team might finally have an in to Trumpworld via Kim Kardashian. They reached her through a string of celebrity and activist connections, and, after she was briefed on his case, she called Bernard. She was moved by his story, and the two became fast friends in the final weeks of his life. 
![](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/GettyImages-1149699031.jpg?w=1024)
Kim Kardashian speaks alongside Donald Trump in the East Room of the White House in 2019 to tout his now criminal-justice reform act. SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images
Kardashian had also been friendly with Trump for years. She met with him in the Oval Office in 2018 to push for clemency for Alice Johnson, a mother of five whod served 21 years in prison for her involvement with a cocaine-trafficking ring; Trump commuted Johnsons life sentence a month later. Kardashian also joined Trump at the White House in June 2019 to tout his new criminal-justice reform bill.
But by the time Kardashian had taken up Bernards cause, Trump was refusing to speak with her. After Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 election, she tweeted out three blue hearts and a picture of the president-elect celebrating with his VP, Kamala Harris. For Trump, the slight was unforgivable. He told his staff that he didnt want to hear “a word” from Kardashian about anything, according to sources with knowledge of the matter. Referring to her MAGA-fied then-husband, Kanye West, he added, “Theyre gonna have to get Kanye to call me instead.”
With Kardashian on the outs with Trump, Bernards team worked every other personal connection it could think of. In late November, Owen and fellow Bernard counsel John Carpenter wrote a letter urging Trump to have mercy on their client. They tapped Ken Starr, the famous anti-Bill Clinton investigator and veteran of Trumps first impeachment defense team, to hand-deliver it to the president. The letter was laden with appeals to Trumps ego — and framed sparing Bernard as a way to one-up Biden: “Exercising your awesome power to spare Brandons life would be an act of supreme leadership in correcting the excesses of the past (like the Biden-backed 1994 crime bill) and continuing to restore the faith of all Americans, particularly Black people, in the fairness of the criminal justice system.”
Still, the letter had no discernible effect. For weeks, Bernards friends and advocates also reached out to members of Trumps inner circle, including Ivanka, Jared, and White House chief of staff Mark Meadows, to no avail. And so, in Bernards final days, Owen and Carpenter turned to another member of Trumps first impeachment defense team: celebrity lawyer Alan Dershowitz.
The day before Bernards scheduled execution, Dershowitz was patched through to the president “pretty quickly,” he says. Over the course of 20 minutes, he enlightened Trump on the details of Bernards case and his stellar record while in prison. The president was unmoved, countering that the Bagley parents had described “horrible” details of the crime to him. When Dershowitz emphasized that Bernard did not fire the shots that killed Todd and Stacie, Trump replied, “He was a part of it.” Ultimately, Trump told Dershowitz, the crime was too terrible to forgive.
The night after Trumps call with Dershowitz, following a last meal of Pizza Hut and a dose of Benadryl to help his claustrophobia, Bernard was led to the execution chamber and strapped into a chair. In his last words, he addressed the families of the victims directly: “Im sorry. Thats the only words that I can say that completely capture how I feel now and how I felt that day.” 
> These inmates were being exterminated,” says an attorney for Lisa Montgomery. “When you see the government flex its power that way — with the cold, callous machinery of death — its truly appalling.
**While the executions went forward,** Trump was engaged in an all-out attack on American democracy. Desperate to cling to power after losing to Joe Biden, he spent the final weeks of 2020 on doomed but damaging attempts to convince judges, lawmakers, voters, and Vice President Mike Pence that they had the authority to nullify the will of the voters and keep him in office. Barr, however, had a different project: After it was clear Trump would be leaving office in January, the attorney general scheduled a string of back-to-back executions, to squeeze in as many as possible before Biden moved into the White House. The final three would happen during a four-day stretch of the administrations penultimate week, and 52-year-old Lisa Montgomery — the only woman on death row — would be the first to die.
Montgomerys story is a repository of all the worst this world has to offer. Her crime was unconscionable: In 2004, when Montgomery was 36, she arranged to meet with Bobbie Joe Stennett, a 24-year-old dog breeder who was eight months pregnant. Montgomery had said she wanted to buy a puppy, but instead strangled and stabbed Stennett, and then cut the fetus out of the dead womans womb, later attempting to pass the child off as her own.
![](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/lisa-montgomery.jpg?w=559)
Lisa Montgomery, who suffered decades of sexual assault, beatings, and gang rape before strangling a pregnant woman to death, was executed in January. ATTORNEYS FOR LISA MONTGOMERY
It was a deranged act committed by a woman whod suffered severe childhood trauma. Before Montgomerys execution, her half sister, Diane Mattingly, wrote a letter to Trump describing the horrors both had endured growing up. By age 11, Montgomery was being raped on a weekly basis by her stepfather, who also beat her to the point of causing traumatic brain injuries. Later, he would invite his friends over to rape her, and her mother would allow men to sexually assault her daughter, too, in exchange for services such as free plumbing. By 18, Montgomery was married to her stepbrother, who also beat and raped her. She had four children over the next four years before, Mattingly says, her mother pressured her into getting sterilized.
Montgomery was diagnosed with, among other conditions, post-traumatic stress disorder and dissociative disorder. MRIs revealed significant brain damage from the childhood beatings. According to psychiatrist and University of Pennsylvania professor Ruben Gur, the injuries and trauma had left Montgomery with a brain that was “neither structurally nor functionally sound.”
“Lisa Montgomerys life was filled with torture, terror, failure, and betrayal,” Montgomerys lawyers wrote in their executive-clemency petition to Trump. “You are faced with the awesome responsibility of deciding whether Lisa Montgomery lives or dies … You alone write the ending to this story — does it end with more pain? Or does it end with hope, mercy, and understanding?”
Its unclear whether Trump ever read the petition or Mattinglys letter. On a Wednesday in January 2021, Montgomerys legal team was preparing for a video meeting with Justice Department attorneys. They had no expectation that the president would grant them leniency, but they were hoping at least to delay the execution, scheduled for Jan. 13, just long enough to give the Biden administration time to stop it.
Then, approximately half an hour before Montgomerys team was scheduled to log on to the call, one of her attorneys, Kelley Henry, noticed something on her TV, which was tuned to CNN. “There were people scaling the U.S. Capitol,” Henry recalls.
It was Jan. 6. Trump had just spoken outside the White House, telling supporters the election had been rigged and to “fight like hell.” Before he finished speaking, the Capitol was under attack. 
Amy Harwell, another Montgomery-team attorney, recalls frantically telling Henry to shut off CNN so they could prepare for a presentation they hoped would save their clients life. But while the meeting went ahead as planned, Harwell says it was clear that Montgomery was doomed. “We knew at that moment that there was absolutely no way \[Trump\] was going to pay attention to this now,” Harwell says. “He just killed several people in Washington, D.C. Do we really think hes going to spare our client?”
Harwell was correct. There would be no delay for Montgomery, nor any mercy for a woman whod known little of it throughout her life. On the night of Jan. 12, the Supreme Court, a third of which had been appointed by Trump, lifted a last-minute stay of execution. “Weve lost. Theyre coming for you,” Harwell remembers telling her client. To this day, Harwell is not convinced that Montgomery fully understood that she was about to die. 
Inside the chamber, she was asked if she had any last words. Montgomery had only one: “No.”
“These inmates were being exterminated by the Trump administration, which was being assisted by the courts in doing it,” Henry says. “If theres a word to describe it, Id say it was lawless. The administration just didnt care. And when you see the government flex its power that way — with a cold, callous machinery of death that occurred in Lisas case — its truly appalling.” 
Montgomery died at 1:31 a.m. on Jan. 13. That same afternoon, the House voted to impeach Trump on a count of incitement of insurrection; his critics still maintain hes guilty of treason.
Within 72 hours of Montgomerys death, two more inmates — Corey Johnson and Dustin John Higgs — were put to death. Within eight days of her death, Trump would be out of office, but not before issuing a last wave of pardons to the well-connected. Former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon had been charged with defrauding donors out of more than $1 million in a phony scheme to build Trumps border wall. Hours before leaving office, in one of his final acts as president, Trump granted him a full pardon.
There were still 44 prisoners on federal death row when Trumps term ended. More would almost certainly be dead if Trump had won a second. The only reason the administration stopped at 13, Barr says, is that they ran out of time. 
Should he be the GOPs candidate for 2024 and ascend to the White House again, Trump will surely pick up where he left off with federal executions. But even if hes not victorious, a new wave could begin. Floridas governor and Trumps leading rival for the nomination, Ron DeSantis, oversaw two executions during Trumps time in the White House. Nationwide, as of Jan. 10, states have executed 28 more prisoners since the former president left office.
Even the Biden administration hasnt ruled out the use of this punishment completely. In January, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced that his office would seek the federal death penalty for [convicted domestic terrorist Sayfullo Saipov](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-64421338), who steered a truck onto a bike path and pedestrian walkway in New York City on Halloween in 2017, killing eight people and injuring 12 more. The decision puts Garland on the rare same page as Trump, who, after Saipov was charged, tweeted with characteristic subtlety, “Should get death penalty!”
Its a dubious moral hedge from the administration that instituted a formal moratorium on federal executions last July in order to review policy changes that had paved the way for Trumps 13 executions — including to assess, as Garland put it, “the risk of pain and suffering associated with the use of Pentobarbital.”
That belated review is likely no comfort to Brandon Bernards aunt, who was consumed with the same question at his execution. Gripping the arm of Bernards friend Chuck Formosa during the lethal injection, Rahsha Williams asked what was happening to her nephews body and whether the convulsions they were witnessing were common. “It was all I could do to let her know he was not suffering,” Formosa recalls. “When you actually see it, when you actually witness an execution … Ill say this: People like to think its civilized or that theres something humane about the way we do it in this country. It is anything but. Its barbaric.”
 
 
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# The Jail Money Trap
## The Museum of Chinese in America was desperate to buy its building. The city found a reason to pay for it.
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/eb5/4a3/3a36c4c138226ce0ef9e8505707eb8249f-NYMag-MOCA-protest-005.rhorizontal.w1100.jpg)
Protesters outside MOCA on October 24. Photo: Jutharat Pinyodoonyachet
This article was featured in [One Great Story](http://nymag.com/tags/one-great-story/), *New York*s reading recommendation newsletter. [Sign up here](https://nymag.com/promo/sign-up-for-one-great-story.html?itm_source=cusitepromo&itm_medium=articlelink&itm_campaign=ogs_tertiary_zone) to get it nightly.
**No one would** argue that the past two years have been good for Manhattans Chinatown. Weeks before the first case of COVID-19 was found in New York, [local shopkeepers](https://www.curbed.com/2021/05/wing-on-wo-and-co-chinatown-nyc.html) saw their traffic plummet — a disturbing indication of what was to come for a neighborhood where many survive on the slimmest of margins. As the city went into lockdown, businesses shuttered. Unemployment skyrocketed. And soon residents were dealing with other anxieties as the news filled with stories of Asian New Yorkers who were attacked on the street, incidents fueled in no small part by a president who delighted in blaming China for the pandemic.
Somewhat perversely, though, it has been a good time for the bottom line at what has become one of Chinatowns most contentious institutions: the Museum of Chinese in America. MOCA closed to the public when New York locked down — and by the time it reopened its doors this past summer, the usually cash-strapped nonprofit was in its best financial shape in years. In early 2020, it got hundreds of thousands of dollars in recovery aid after its archives suffered a fire. Then came millions in grants from the Ford Foundation and philanthropist MacKenzie Scott. The biggest windfall of all, though, has been a $35 million grant from the city. The money will allow MOCA to buy the building it has been renting for more than a decade, construct a theater there, and expand its operations. With free admission and a new show called [“Responses: Asian American Voices Resisting the Tide of Racism”](https://www.mocanyc.org/event/responses/) that includes murals depicting events like the murder of Vincent Chin, it might have seemed ready to meet the political moment, too.
But as MOCA president Nancy Yao Maasbach prepared to welcome journalists and luminaries to the shows opening in July, about two dozen protesters gathered on the sidewalk. Fresh-faced high-school students and Chinese grandmas with sensible haircuts hoisted signs that read MUSEUM OF CORRUPT ASIANS and THE MUSEUM OF CORPORATE ARTWASHING and HEY MOCA! RETURN THE $35 MILLION TO THE COMMUNITY! “*Sanqian wubai wan,*” they yelled — 35 million.
Maasbach, dressed in a silky butter-yellow gown and cream-colored heels, exited the building and faced the protesters. “Thats not true, and thats not true, nothings true,” Maasbach said, jabbing her finger at the signs. “They didnt give us any money!” She turned to a cluster of middle-aged immigrant women. “Theyre using you,” she said to them in Mandarin before walking back indoors.
“Thirty-five million dollars says thats bullshit!” a protester yelled. “MOCA thinks were stupid!” said another. For two hours, the protesters, led by a coalition that includes the workers-rights group Chinese Staff and Workers Association, booed anyone who stepped through the museums doors. “Boycott MOCA!” they chanted. “Protect Chinatown!”
It was the most visible protest against the museum to that point, but it wasnt the first — because that *sanqian wubai wan* came with associations some see as unforgivable. MOCA got the money as a giveback from the city, triggered by the de Blasio administrations plan to close the jail complex on [Rikers Island](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2021/09/hard-to-find-the-words-to-describe-how-bad-it-is-on-rikers.html) and construct four new jails in different boroughs. In Chinatown, that will mean demolishing the Manhattan Detention Complex on White Street — the jail known as the Tombs — and replacing those buildings with a nearly 300-foot-tall tower. The city unveiled the details in 2018; while the move to close Rikers was widely applauded, de Blasios plan to replace it with what critics have called [“skyscraper jails”](https://www.vox.com/identities/2019/10/18/20921389/rikers-island-new-york-jail-close-new-jails) was supported by some and fiercely opposed by others. Residents complained that the mayors office had rammed the plan through; prison abolitionists argued new jails would perpetuate a broken system. The city calls the money it gave MOCA a [“community investment,](http://council.nyc.gov/data/wp-content/uploads/sites/73/2019/10/BBJ_Points_of_Agreement_Rikers.pdf)” one of many given out in an attempt to make an unpopular plan more palatable; in Chinatown, a park and a senior-housing complex got some money too. But the $35 million earmarked for MOCA is by far the most promised to a single institution, not just in Chinatown but anywhere in the boroughs.
Rumors had swirled for months that MOCA would benefit from the new jail. When the news about the givebacks came out in October 2019, it went off like a bomb. To many in Chinatowns activist class, the announcement had the sting of a betrayal. One artists collective called for its peers “to stop working with and supporting the institution.” [Corky Lee](https://www.vulture.com/article/corky-lee-photographer-obituary.html), a well-known local activist and photographer who died this year from COVID, said both MOCA and local councilmember Margaret Chin had [sold out](https://www.facebook.com/corky.lee.1/posts/5132605816753373) Chinatown. The museum was forced to cancel a long-planned group show after almost 20 participants [withdrew](https://conversations.e-flux.com/t/open-letter-to-the-museum-of-chinese-in-america-from-godzilla-collective/10263) [their work](https://hyperallergic.com/661875/artists-request-museum-of-chinese-in-america-remove-their-work-from-its-collection/), citing museum leaderships “complicity … with the jail plan.” Then, right before the July opening of “Responses,” more artists pulled out of that show for the same reason.
Maasbach insists that MOCA has always been against the jail plan. She says she did not ask for money connected to the jail, though some of her critics point to audio of a city meeting that seems to suggest otherwise. Despite the boycotts and protests, it took Maasbach and the rest of MOCAs leadership more than a year after the citys 2019 announcement to issue a public statement unequivocally against the jail. Meanwhile, the backlash widened; protesters started taking aim at the fact that MOCAs board co-chair is Jonathan Chu, a commercial developer and the scion of a Chinatown real-estate dynasty that some see as hastening gentrification.
Perhaps its all just a PR disaster, a simple failure on the museums part to communicate what it was doing and why. MOCA still has plenty of supporters, including some of the best-known Chinese Americans in New York and beyond — people like the playwright David Henry Hwang. “To focus the anger and the calls for justice on an organization which is actually doing good and necessary work, I do think its the wrong target,” said Hwang, who once served on the museums board. “We suffer from invisibility. MOCA goes away, were just more invisible.”
Nonetheless, MOCA has become a proxy for debates about who gets to decide what happens to Chinatown. It has come to represent something bigger than itself to both its critics and its boosters — an embodiment of how the idea of Chinese Americanness has grown and splintered over time. Once a scrappy organization dedicated to telling the stories of a working-class community, the museum is now fighting accusations that it has turned its back on those same people. Maasbach insists the city funding will allow MOCA to serve Chinatown better, with more room for community programming. The conflict raises the question: Whose needs and identity are highlighted when we talk about “Chinese in America,” and to whom do we owe our political commitments?
Today, when Maasbach talks about the jail — and she makes it clear she hates talking about the jail — she has the bewildered, slightly bitter air of someone who thought she would be the hero of the story only to find herself cast as the villain. The protesters narrative threatens to have real consequences: Former MOCA staff are criticizing her leadership. Relationships with artists have become strained. People she has never met are saying they want her fired. “I sit there,” Maasbach said, “and Im like, *How did this crazy thing happen?*
Nancy Yao Maasbach at MOCAs reopening in July. Photo: Mary Altaffer Photo/AP
**Housed in two stories** of a Centre Street building full of reclaimed wood and exposed brick, MOCA is neither an art museum nor strictly a history museum. Its permanent exhibit, “With a Single Step,” is a visual sweep from the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act to civil-rights-era activism, while recent temporary shows have explored the knotty question of identity beyond Chinese American History 101 — such as the [2019 exhibit](https://www.mocanyc.org/event/comp-2-the-moon-represents-my-heart/) co-curated by *New Yorker* writer Hua Hsu on music in Chinese immigrant communities. The museums best shows always have a surprising element: intricate paper sculptures made by Chinese asylum seekers while in detention, a listening station playing a 60s-era rocksteady track sung in Mandarin.
Originally known as the Chinatown History Project, the museum was founded in 1980 by Jack Tchen, a young historian, and Charlie Lai, a community activist. The two had met a few years earlier at Basement Workshop, a freewheeling arts and organizing hub that was then on Lafayette Street, where young activists were attempting to define what an oppositional Asian American identity could look like. They found a neighborhood in flux: The old-timers who knew Chinatown as a bachelor society were dying off, while thousands of immigrants were arriving every year, ushered in by the 1965 Immigration and Nationality Act.
Lai would later [describe](https://march.rutgers.edu/the-museum-of-chinese-in-america-continuity-and-change/) their project as “a bunch of young kids trying to do documentation on people who dont feel like they have anything to add. Like my mothers perspective: Were all just poor working-class folks that have nothing to contribute, and nothing in my life is worthy enough. You should talk to somebody else, the suits or whatever. ” Basement Workshop would soon crumble under sectarian infighting — not an uncommon fate in the new left. But Tchen, Lai, and their friends kept rifling through dumpsters, gathering the detritus of peoples lives and storing scavenged items in friends apartments. They also started collecting oral histories of sometimes skeptical locals. When the group showed its first exhibit in the neighborhood — a study of Chinese hand laundries called “Eight Pound Livelihood” — Tchen later recalled, “People started coming up to us saying, This is my story.
Over the next three decades, the organization evolved, moving first from an office on East Broadway to 70 Mulberry Street and then, in 2009, to its current location. The name changed from the Chinatown History Project to the Chinatown History Museum and, finally, to the Museum of Chinese in America. Its ambitions shifted too: It set its sights on becoming a national museum. Cao O, a nonprofit leader who was on MOCAs board from 1995 to 2007, recalled that wealthier donors would later ask him why the museum was so focused on the struggles of Chinese Americans instead of their triumphs. Eventually, O said, “the programming needed to change,” and it did — a museum that had devoted shows to laundrymen and garment workers began to celebrate Chinese American fashion designers as well. Fundraising dinners moved from local restaurants to Cipriani. The museums board filled up with high-powered Chinese American CEOs and financiers who had only loose connections to Chinatown, if any.
As MOCA changed, [Chinatown changed too](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2015/09/how-has-chinatown-stayed-chinatown.html). I saw some of those shifts firsthand during my brief time as a housing organizer in the neighborhood with a group called CAAAV, where I worked until 2012. To casual observers, Chinatown looked the same as it always had: full of Chinese people. But every week seemed to bring something new — a hotel where there was once a Chinese-language theater, a bar serving $16 cocktails next to a shop serving $6 bowls of noodles, a grocery store demolished to make way for multimillion-dollar condos. Nearly all the garment factories were gone, the chaos of 9/11 effectively [killing off](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/sep/05/new-york-chinatown-11-september-covid-19-crisis) an industry already in decline and leaving an economic crater that tourism couldnt fill. My days were spent meeting with residents whose landlords had made the easy calculation that evicting them could mean flipping their apartment to higher-paying tenants. I had come to Chinatown with some romantic notion of finding a past I could link myself to. But for the people I worked with, it was something more quotidian, more fragile: their home.
At times, Chinatowns own have been the ones pushing the idea of a sleeker, more upscale neighborhood. This includes Jonathan Chu, a MOCA board member since 2014 and the Harvard-educated third generation of a notorious Chinatown real-estate family: His immigrant grandfather, Joseph Chu, was once [reportedly](https://www.nytimes.com/1986/06/01/business/mining-chinatown-s-mountain-of-gold.html) the biggest landlord in the neighborhood, while his father, Alexander Chu, is both a commercial landlord and the chairman of Eastbank. Jonathan is probably best known for spearheading the 2017 opening of the luxury hotel 50 Bowery on the former site of Silver Palace, a unionized dim sum restaurant that had closed years before. His grandfather had talked about wanting to turn the site into a hotel — and bemoaned the tenants long leases — as early as the 80s; Jonathan [called](https://www.thelodownny.com/leslog/2015/11/chinatowns-chu-family-goes-public-with-50-bowery-hotel-plans.html) the hotels opening “the realization of a multi-generational vision.” In 2019, he became the co-chair of MOCAs board.
Protesters outside MOCA on October 24. Photo: Jutharat Pinyodoonyachet
**Maasbach and I** met for our first interview in MOCAs courtyardlike atrium in early October. “This is the hardest job Ive ever had, times a hundred,” she said. The board recruited her to lead the museum in 2015. Before she accepted, she met with the artist and architect [Maya Lin](https://www.mayalinstudio.com/), a longtime board member who also designed MOCAs building, with whom Maasbach said she had a “desperate conversation” about the realities of New York City real estate. “Two words: permanent home,” Maasbach recalled Lin telling her. “We cant keep paying this rent. Its only going to go up.” (Lin did not respond to requests for comment.) MOCAs annual rent was around $600,000 — about 20 percent of its budget — and the lease would be up at the end of 2021. Maasbach said solving this problem became her “mandate” from the board. (An acrostic of her first name hanging on her office wall at MOCA reads NURTURE AMBITIOUS NIMBLE CAPABLE YOLO. “The *C* should stand for crazy, ” she joked.)
It was hard to see how MOCA would ever be able to buy its building. The museum has sometimes struggled to meet payroll, and in 2017, it ran out of money; Maasbach says she and her husband loaned the museum $100,000 from a personal line of credit to cover operating expenses that year. Starting in 2018, with the goal of buying the building in mind, Maasbach applied yearly for capital funds from the citys Department of Cultural Affairs (DCLA), the agency that helps bankroll many of the citys museums. She desperately wanted MOCA to be what the city labels a cultural-institutions group, or CIG, a designation that would open the door to more city funding. To even start that process, however, MOCA would likely need to turn its building over to the city, which has historically required CIG buildings to be publicly owned. In February 2018, Maasbach submitted a request for $40 million through the DCLA process; that July, MOCA was awarded $2.3 million from the City Council and the Manhattan borough presidents office, and nothing else.
Enter the jail plan. For years, Rikers has been synonymous with brutality, and many of the citys leaders and criminal-justice advocates became convinced the complex couldnt be reformed. In 2017, an independent commission [recommended](https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/02/nyregion/rikers-island-jail-closure-plan.html) that Rikers be closed and replaced by smaller jails in each of the boroughs, a proposal Mayor de Blasio initially resisted. Then, in February 2018, he [announced](https://www1.nyc.gov/office-of-the-mayor/news/094-18/mayor-de-blasio-city-council-reach-agreement-replace-rikers-island-jails-with/#/0) the city would “move ahead with creating a borough-based jail system thats smaller, safer, and fairer.” Later that year, Councilmember Margaret Chin convened a meeting with Chinatown leaders, including Jan Lee, a longtime neighborhood activist and third-generation owner of a Mott Street tenement building. Lee said Chins message was blunt: *This is happening.* They felt bulldozed.
Nothing brings Chinatown together quite like the sense that the citys leaders are governing by diktat. Lee and then-aspiring politico Christopher Marte quickly formed a coalition called Neighbors United Below Canal. With outlooks ranging from NIMBY to abolitionist, the people who joined the coalition had one thing in common: They did not want a bigger jail in Chinatown. Meanwhile, some local nonprofits started meeting to discuss the neighborhoods needs in case the plan became an inevitability. Maasbach told me she attended one of those meetings before bowing out. She wanted to stay focused on her applications to the DCLA. “Ive been exposed a lot to the importance of reputational risk,” she said. “Im hypersensitive to that stuff.”
That didnt stop her from bringing up MOCAs funding as soon as she got the chance to speak about the jail plan in public. At a public hearing on the plan held by the mayors office in September 2018, Maasbach started by waving her hands at the anti-jail activists in the crowd. “I just want to say I love whats going on over here,” she said, “and Im totally in line with everything theyve been saying.” She added that the city had not done enough to engage Chinatowns leaders and closed with a blunt comparison. “How could New York City move forward to expand MDC in a historic district without the consultation of institutions serving the history of that area? Youre spending $300 million to expand a detention complex in Chinatown,” she said. “We ask for just some money to make a permanent home for the museum, and we were given zero from NYC Department of Cultural Affairs — zero.”
That December, de Blasio, Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer, and Councilmember Chin held a more exclusive meeting for neighborhood power brokers. They made it clear they were there to hear not only peoples concerns about jail construction but also suggestions on Chinatown projects to fund in connection with that plan. “Its important to give back in that process and to help the community in a variety of ways, to help community organizations, to address longstanding community needs, to have real tangible and verifiable community benefits, and we certainly want to speak to that today,” de Blasio said. Among the roughly two dozen invitees were Maasbach, Jonathan and Alexander Chu, and Jan Lee, who decided to tape the meeting. “I took out my recorder, and I put it in front of me on the table,” he told me.
When Chin called on Maasbach, the MOCA president launched into a familiar spiel: Why wasnt MOCA a CIG like the Studio Museum in Harlem, El Museo del Barrio, and the Queens Museum? “Every day we knock on the door to raise 3 million pennies,” she said. “It is impossible.”
Brewer interrupted: “Dont you need money to buy your building, too?”
“We do,” Maasbach said, “and speaking of the building, we would like to buy
our building.”
“How much do you need?” Brewer asked.
“We would like from the city $32 million, thank you very much,” Maasbach said to laughter. But some of the other people around the table were shocked to hear what could be interpreted as a direct quid pro quo.
“My jaw dropped. I was like, *Oh my God, she doesnt know how to play this game,*” said a longtime neighborhood advocate who was at the meeting.
“Nancy was the only person in the room who actually had the audacity, without knowing the detriment to the community, without knowing some of the downfalls and the negativity that comes with building jails, to just come straight out and say, Im not even ready to listen to that. Im just going to be the first one out of the gate to ask you for money,’ ” Lee said. After the meeting, he promptly uploaded the recording hed made to his SoundCloud and shared it on Twitter. It quietly began circulating among local anti-jail activists.
Ten months later, in October 2019, the City Council put out a press release about what it called a “massive decarceration effort”: It had approved the plan to replace Rikers with four new high-rise jails at a projected cost of $8.7 billion. That came with $137 million in neighborhood investments — including $35 million for MOCA.
Photo: Jutharat Pinyodoonyachet
**Maasbach told me** she had no idea that the meeting about the jail was only about the jail. She just wanted to talk about arts funding. “I never created an application around the jail to get something — never ever,” she said. Technically, that $35 million did come through the DCLA — the same agency Maasbach had been petitioning without much success. But in an email to *New York,* the DCLA was unequivocal: MOCA got that money as part of “a set of commitments shaped by community engagement and made as part of the Citys broader effort to close Rikers Island.” No jail plan, no *sanqian wubai wan.*
Investments like this almost never happen unless a councilmember champions them. Chin acknowledged as much when we spoke, telling me she “fought very hard” to include funding for MOCA. “For us, as Chinese Americans, having our own museum means a great deal,” she said. Chin has been on the other side of the table as well. When the city announced the last Chinatown jail expansion, in 1982, the future councilmember was among the thousands who marched against it. Those protests didnt stop construction, but they did lead to some concessions from the city, including an affordable-housing complex for seniors. To Chin, the lesson was clear: “You seize the opportunity when you get a land-use project.”
Not all of her contemporaries see it that way. “So theyre saying, In order to survive, we have to take the money, right?” said the artist Arlan Huang. “And Im saying, You do not take the money under any circumstances, even if you have to fail.
Huang, in his 70s and bespectacled, has a decades-long relationship with MOCA. He has volunteered there. He has shown his work there. Before the news about the jail came out, he was planning to participate in a long-gestating group show on the influential Asian American artist collective Godzilla, which Huang joined in the 90s. None of that seems to have made him more sympathetic to Maasbachs reasoning; when Jan Lee played him the recording of the meeting in which Maasbach asked for funding, he was stunned. In an open letter he [posted](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5df7b9e3264d2f2dac3c6394/t/5f98c046e5da215b5527f0ce/1603846215026/Working+Thoughts+on+The+Museum+of+Chinese+in+America+and+Chinatown+-+revised1021.pdf) online last year, Huang wondered if MOCA was becoming “the community anchor institution for mass incarceration.”
“To see what the museum has become, and where it was in those early days, is so painful to me,” said the artist Tomie Arai, another Godzilla member and a co-founder of the activist-minded collective [Chinatown Art Brigade](https://www.chinatownartbrigade.org/). She has shown at the museum multiple times, starting in the 80s; for a few years in the late 90s, she was even the president of the board. Drinking tea from a Chinatown History Museum mug in her Flower District studio, the soft-spoken artist seemed wistful about the way MOCAs founders had once aimed to collaborate with the museums subjects. “This dream of building a very different model for a cultural institution has disappeared and been replaced by … a vision or mission to be the largest Asian American national institution in the country,” she said.
Arai and the Chinatown Art Brigade were some of the first to protest MOCA in 2019. Huang said he began to see the planned Godzilla exhibition as “artwashing.” Both artists had already decided to pull their work from that show when the inconceivable happened: On the eve of Lunar New Year 2020, the building on Mulberry Street that housed MOCAs archives caught fire. Several people were injured in the blaze, which was caused by electrical failure. It seemed as if more than 85,000 items painstakingly gathered over four decades — the collective memory of the neighborhood, including local families old documents and artifacts — might have been destroyed.
Suddenly, MOCA was making headlines and being called a “beloved Chinatown museum” in the New York [*Times*](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/24/nyregion/chinatown-museum-fire.html)*.* Concern and goodwill poured forth. For MOCAs critics, it was a détente; even Arai and Huang showed up, donning white hazmat suits to help recover items from the destroyed building. “We were all heartbroken,” Arai said. Nearly 2,000 people donated $465,000 in recovery aid.
In the weeks that followed — and as New York went into COVID lockdown — it became clear that [MOCAs archives](https://www.mocanyc.org/collections/) had largely [survived](https://www.artnews.com/art-news/news/museum-of-chinese-in-america-recovery-1234592430/) the fire. Not only that but the flood of donations and press coverage started a chain reaction. Maasbach said that she received a sympathetic call from Wendi Deng (yes, that Wendi Deng) and that, shortly after, Deng came onboard as the co-chair of MOCAs $128 million capital campaign. Then, in October 2020, the museum received a $3 million infusion from the Ford Foundation to be doled out over four years. In June 2021, MacKenzie Scott announced a $5 million gift to the museum, a donation that Maasbach told [Gothamist](https://gothamist.com/arts-entertainment/small-part-mackenzie-scotts-274-billion-donation-blitz-helps-chinatown-museums-rocky-future) was “the best professional news Ive received in my life.”
Behind the scenes, though, the goodwill was dissipating. As New Yorks streets filled with protests against racial inequity and police brutality, MOCA held a series of forums on allyship with Black Lives Matter and issued statements of support for criminal-justice reform, at one point sending out an email featuring a portrait of George Floyd painted by MOCA curator Herb Tam. To Arai, all this smacked of opportunism and hypocrisy. She and Huang said that when the Godzilla artists asked that Maasbach or anyone else at MOCA publicly address its relationship to the jail plan, they were stonewalled. (MOCA countered that Maasbach and other members of leadership had met with Arai and other Godzilla artists about the jail issue on multiple occasions starting in 2019, both in person and over Zoom.) Soon, so many artists pulled out of the Godzilla show that the museum decided to cancel it.
As if that werent enough, MOCA soon found itself caught up in another hot-button issue when, at the end of February 2021, the owners of the Elizabeth Street dim sum parlor and local institution [Jing Fong](https://www.grubstreet.com/2021/03/workers-rally-to-save-nycs-jing-fong.html) announced it would be closing, putting more than 100 people out of work. Jing Fong was the last unionized restaurant in Chinatown, and the union soon found someone to blame for its closure: the restaurants landlord, MOCAs board co-chair Jonathan Chu. Chu declined to sit for an interview for this story, sending a written statement reiterating his position that Jing Fongs owners were the ones who decided to close the restaurant. (The owners themselves were noncommittal on this point.) Whatever the truth, the closure brought even more protesters into the fold — soon, former Jing Fong workers and groups like the Chinese Staff and Workers Association were demonstrating in front of the museum too, in part as a way to protest Chu.
The conflict has split along sometimes surprising lines. Old resentments have reemerged, then mutated. One former Basement Workshop member, Rocky Chin (no relation to Margaret Chin), has emerged as MOCAs fiercest defender; he compared the current fight to the ones that broke up the Workshop and equates defending MOCA with defending the idea that people like him matter. “As a Chinese American, MOCA reflects the aspiration of having an organization with staff that will have the ability to tell our stories,” he said. “I dont have too much hope that big institutions are going to do that.”
He and former MOCA board member Cao O released a public statement in support of the museum this past summer. It contained signatures from prominent Chinese Americans including actor Tzi Ma, Asian Americanstudies scholars Russell Leong and Mae Ngai, and longtime labor activist Alex Hing. “I signed on because I know about these self-righteous, deluded people who are now attacking MOCA,” Hing told me. Despite his pro-labor stance, Hing has clashed with CSWA and its director, Wing Lam, in the past. (As for what Lam thinks, I cant tell you. When I reached out to him for this story, I was told by a CSWA staffer that Lam refused to speak with me unless I “renounced” my former employer CAAAVs position on a rezoning plan from 2008. Later, they denied it had anything to do with CAAAV. Either way, Lam didnt want to talk to me.)
The questions posed by MOCAs critics — about whom the museum serves and whom it represents — are, at their heart, questions about whom Chinatown is for. Will it continue to be a neighborhood for working-class immigrants, or will it become a kind of ethnic theme park? By the same token, is it possible for a small museum to avoid compromise in a real-estate market like New Yorks? Why does it take a deeply unpopular jail for the city to invest resources in a community whose needs are often overlooked? Tam sees the conflict through the lens of survival. “Not everything about what our leadership does, and how they do it, is something Im always going to agree with,” he said. “But I trust them in the sense that theyre looking out for: Will MOCA be around five, ten, 15 years from now?” He has also come to realize that the issue had moved beyond the jail. “For some people, it was more proof that MOCA was disconnected from the neighborhood.”
Its hard to see how MOCA will bridge this divide, especially because its impossible for the museum to do what some protesters want: redistribute the $35 million to those in Chinatown who need it more — a community giveback of its own. These are what the city calls capital funds, usable only for buying MOCAs building, renovating it, or buying major equipment. Maasbach emphasized, and the DCLA confirmed, that the $35 million was not sitting in the museums bank account. “We never see the money,” she said. “Theres no, like, Heres the jail money. This is your check from the jail bucket.
Since the jail plan was confirmed two years ago, Rikers has become even more chaotic and deadly. The pandemic has exacerbated its misery and dysfunction; this year, more than a dozen people held there died, many by suicide. Even so, with a new mayor about to step into office, theres some uncertainty about its closure. Chinatown will get a new councilmember, too: Chin is term-limited out, and Christopher Marte — the activist who helped form the coalition against the jail expansion with Jan Lee — was just elected to take her place. Meanwhile, demonstrators are still showing up outside MOCA nearly every day.
Toward the end of October, I visited the museum as a group of former Jing Fong workers and members of the CSWA-backed 318 Restaurant Workers Union picketed outside, demanding Chu do something to reopen the shuttered dim sum hall. They held signs that were tattered and creased with use. One of the protesters was Liang Chen, a former Jing Fong waiter who immigrated to New York City from southern China in 2004. He noted that the job had allowed him to support his family on his wages alone, while a lot of other restaurant workers arent even paid minimum wage. “Were going to continue to protest,” he said in Mandarin. “What are our options? We dont have jobs.”
Life had become a bit desperate for Chen. His unemployment benefits ended in September. To Chen, it was selfish of MOCA to accept the money from the jail project. “So many small businesses have died. Circumstances in Chinatown have gotten so bad,” he said. “All of these resources are going to big institutions. Theres nothing for poorer people.” Earlier this month, [Jing Fong reopened](https://ny.eater.com/2021/12/8/22816514/jing-fong-dim-sum-restaurant-opening-chinatown-nyc) in a smaller space across the street from MOCA, and Chen and several other unionized workers were rehired. He planned to continue to protest in front of the museum in his free time on behalf of those who were still out of a job. “I cant just think about myself,” he said.
Maasbach bristles when I describe MOCA as an “institution.” In her mind, the word invites misleading comparisons to museums like the Whitney, with its billionaire donors and endowments and outsize prestige. “Its interesting to me because in this world of institutions and artwashing and gentrification, museums are a beautiful target, right? The co-chair of a board is a commercial-real-estate person. Perfect. We were the perfect target for anyone,” she said. “But Im like, okay. The world is not what you think it is.”
The Jail Money Trap
 
 
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Link: https://www.vulture.com/2023/02/roger-daltrey-on-the-who-best-songs-pete-townshend.html?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=One%20Great%20Story%20-%20February%209%2C%202023&utm_term=Subscription%20List%20-%20One%20Great%20Story
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# The Most Overlooked and Transformative of the Who, According to Roger Daltrey
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/d06/ed8/f13a132e6e31224fe04b5fc061c5af78a2-superlatives-the-who.rhorizontal.w700.jpg)
“I survived with three bloody addicts in a group. But I try not to think of it like that.” Photo-Illustration: Vulture. Photo: Jack Robinson/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
The story of [the Who](https://www.vulture.com/2019/12/interview-the-who-a-quick-one-rock-and-roll-circus-performance.html) has always been the story of society. The volatile intensity of Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, John Entwistle, and Keith Moon reflected their audience — it was *always* about their audience — as if they were holding up a cracked mirror to their own experiences with angst, isolation, and rage. While Townshend was the arbiter of the mod subculture with his lyrics and [appetite for instrument destruction](https://www.vulture.com/2018/10/roger-daltrey-never-liked-pete-townshends-guitar-smashing.html), Daltrey with his “primal roar,” as he likes to call it, was the master interpreter to rally their generation. Its simple, really: You didnt turn on the Who if you wanted to dance or seduce. They were there when it was time to fight.
I found myself connecting with Daltrey, as sprightly as ever, earlier this month as he prepares for a few [solo shows](https://www.thewho.com/). “Ill talk about anything, whatever you like,” he tells me. “But you might be offended, I warn you now. Lets clear that up to start with because I aint going to go with the other crap. Ive lived and Ive seen too much.” He was nothing but affable, although he did take a pause when I equated the Who to being a legacy act. “Well,” he offered, “its one up from being some of the things we were called in the early days.” (We also found ourselves on a tangent about the joys of *Seinfeld* after I mentioned my weekend plans.) The band already has much of their 2023 mapped out with *The Who With Orchestra Live at Wembley* set for a March release as well as a summer tour throughout the United Kingdom. If Daltrey gets his way, 2024 would be a big Who year, too.
I would say “Naked Eye.” The song, where its recorded in live shows, was never very good up until last year when we changed the rhythm of the bridge for the instrumental piece between verses and brought it back into rhythm. It kind of completed the song. It took a long time to get together from 1968 to 2022, but we did it in the end. It has some great lyrics with a really nice guitar progression, but then when it got into the instrumental, the rhythm skipped. It used to always throw us and I thought it was so bloody hokey. I never could quite get into it. So last year, we resuscitated the song, and I said to Pete, “Cant we just make this in sync with the rest of it, so its a groove or something?” We put another simple little off-beat in there, and it brought it all into time, and the songs great now. It really comes alive.
Mind you, these are Townshend songs. None of them were easy to master. Thats what I love about Petes writing. He has the sensibility and the intellect to write from a very different perspective than most music writers. Of course, his song structures are incredible. Its not run-of-the-mill rock and roll — or rock. Its very individual music, and its not for everybody. Ive always understood that idea, and it was never ever going to be the most commercial. But in some ways it carries the most weight and carries the most importance.
It would be easy to say *Tommy*. It really was a collection of songs that … well, there was no fixed idea when we started recording *Tommy.* It was one song that had potential to be a bigger picture or a collection of the songs that painted a bigger picture. That was transformative in a way. But it was very kind of cobbled together. In those days, you had to either have a single album — two 20-minute sides — or you went into a double album and then you had to have two albums of 20-minute-plus sides. Thats 80 minutes of music. Of course, we had to piece together bits of instrumental to put in, like “Underture” and “Sparks,” those kinds of afterthoughts. Obviously, when it hit the shelves, *Tommy* was called a rock opera and all those things that went with it. If youve ever studied the lyrics of most of the grand operas, theres hardly any there. Theyre beautiful melodies. *Tommy,* in a way, is one of the best operas thats ever been written.
However, if I could only choose one album, its *Quadrophenia.* Because it was one consistent idea from Pete. I dont know whether the narrative is that clear, but I dont know whether it matters on the album. Musically, I think its fabulous. I dont know what people may not understand about our rock operas. I really dont care. It might be pie in the sky to a lot of people, but like I said, when you look at the lyrics of some of the grand operas, theres very thin narrative lines. I cant wish to make any judgment in that sense. When youre inside, its very hard to look on from the outside.
With the maturity I have now and looking back on life, Im more connected to our songs than ever. The only song I get bored with playing, because its immovable from its arrangement, is “Wont Get Fooled Again.” I mean, I love the song and I dont mind singing it. But for some reason it never quite takes off from anywhere different than it was from the time I recorded it. I dont know why. Its the only song I have that problem with. Because with other songs, some nights they breeze out into some other areas and its wonderful. But “Wont Get Fooled Again” seems to be stuck in this box. Weve done it acoustically, which certainly gets out of the box, but people seem to want the full blast — the whole bit. It was groundbreaking at the time. But it just seems to be set in aspic.
I now see songs differently, and I explore them more. Ive just been playing around with “Behind Blue Eyes,” for instance. Ive been playing around on my little traveling acoustic guitar, and I discovered the beauty of the chords when theyre played really slow — and then I sing it quietly and explore the words even more. Because once you get into the rhythm, youre limited in a certain way. But if you just pick it, the melody of the chords is absolutely beautiful on an acoustic guitar. Once it gets into a set rhythm, or if you do it like a piece of classical music, it becomes something else again. You have more chances to explore the lyrics and elongate words. Its quite interesting. I just cant play around too much, because then the song will go on for ten minutes and people will fall asleep.
Oh, thats a hard one. I think *Odds & Sods.* This was an album of bits and pieces that were left over from *Whos Next*, and a few things from the prior recordings sessions on earlier albums. It was put out as a filler album while we were making *Quadrophenia*. Its a fabulous album. I really like it, but I dont think *Odds & Sods* ever achieved any commercial success. Musically, it holds together great.
At the time, I put the album cover together. I had this idea. Because we were always legendary for our fighting between each other, I actually bought everybody a helmet to wear on that cover together. I put everybodys name on the helmet, and I didnt realize that Petes head was miles bigger than anybody elses. Him and I had to trade helmets. \[*Laughs*.\] It works. It was a great cover — a straight photograph. When I first saw it, I thought, “Hey, it doesnt quite make it. Lets try and liven it up.” I always wanted to do the reflection of the audience and the fact that theres something about Petes lyrics with the audience. The cover really reflects that because the audience is looking through the band, coming *out* of the band, on the real cover. Suddenly we may have saved a life or two at times with those helmets.
I really like the next album, *Face Dances*. “You Better You Bet” was a great song that gave us a boost when we needed it most. There are some interesting songs on that album, but I still think it was overproduced. We were struggling with the loss of Keith, of course, and the studio was a very different place. We were working with an American producer, Bill Szymczyk, who was great at his job. But I think, in hindsight, he was possibly the wrong producer for us at that time. We were never going to be an Atlantic Records band.
Ive always had to fight to get what I want, and how this played out is a great example. When it was insisted that we change drummers, I said that even though Kenney Jones is a fabulous drummer and a fabulous bloke, he was the wrong drummer for the Who, as Keith Moon wouldve been the wrong drummer for the Faces. Tell me, can you imagine it? I love Kenney. Hes one of my best mates in the Faces. It wasnt an easy thing to do to get rid of him. It was a very difficult thing personally and emotionally because I think the world of him.
Youve got to remember, a singer stands out in front and never sees the band. Maybe in a few glimpses during solos, thats about it. But you feel them. You feel the rhythms; you feel the energy. It was going back to the days before Keith joined the band and how it didnt work for me. When Keith joined the band, it was *my* band — I put the others together, and we were looking for a drummer. When Keith joined, it was finding the key to the engine. We started it out and off it went. That had gone. Kenney was very good. He kept climbing, but it was dull compared to Keith. But there again, Keith in the Faces wouldve been absolute chaos. Oh God, I loved him.
There are some good contenders from our early years. Id say “A Legal Matter” because the song is about me. I was getting divorced at the time. It wouldve been more personal if I sang it. I never even thought about what songs Pete and I would sing. If he wanted a song, I would go, “Great, you sing it, go*.”* I wasnt going to interfere with the ego. \[*Laughs*.\] Id wind him up a bit. We never discussed it and I never challenged it. I mean, just after we made the film soundtrack for *Tommy*, I chose the songs for *The Who By Numbers* album. Id insisted that he sing “However Much I Booze” because of its own personal nature. Quite a few songs Ive always preferred that he sings the lead. Like “Eminence Front,” for instance — I did a vocal on it, but I listened to his vocals, and it just sounded better in my ears. I prefer his vocals to mine any day of the week. He prefers mine, which is kind of weird. Hes got a thinner voice.
I dont think theres one performance I can place above the others. *The Concert for New York City* was the most emotional show Ive ever played in my life. It was very difficult. Looking out at that audience of people who had a hellish time for weeks on end. There were children in the audience of some of the people that have been killed in 9/11. It was incredibly poignant. At the time, I actually didnt think we played very well. It was only afterwards that everybody was raving about the Who, and I dont know, I felt we just did what we do. We did discuss what we should play, but we couldnt agree. Pete said, “Lets just do what we do, which is play our songs,” and we picked four. It was so strong.
*The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus* was a fun one. It was a weird day, really. We turned up in the morning at this studio near the area in London where we grew up. I remember thinking, *What was all this about? Jethro Tull is here too?* They wanted to do this rock-and-roll-circus theme. I knew the Stones — wed been around them for a long time. But I was mostly friends with Brian Jones, and John Lennon was there with Yoko Ono. Brian was in a terrible state. He was one step forward and three steps backward. He was not good at all. I remember we were given a slot of ten minutes, so we thought of doing the “A Quick One” mini-opera. Lets do something different. We played it and it was only one take. There were big, long gaps between every band. I was stuck in a dressing room for hours, and I got bored on my own. I found that I was really upset by Brian in that state, and it put it lot of things into perspective for my future. He died not long after. I wasnt on the same drugs as everybody else at that time. I was dealing with being in a band with three complete addicts, and it wasnt easy, Ive got to tell you. I just got fed up with being around it. I didnt want to be around it.
“Who Are You.” Mainly from the video we did with him for the song. We were obviously having a lot of trouble with Keith at the time when we made that album. He wasnt in the best of shape. He was indulging in quite a lot of naughties. It was a difficult time, but when we came together to do that video to promote the album, Keith joined in on the backing vocals and he was hysterical. Theres something about Keith that he … no matter how naughty he was, youd have to love him. Youd just have to love him. He was a rascal. He used to rope his drum kit up. In the 60s, when he first joined us, he would bring a length of rope and tie them all together because he would just go crazy. Then, once we started using backing tracks and the headphones, he had to tape them to his head because it could fly off.
I just finished a script, and Im hoping to do my biopic of Keith within the next couple of years. Im very pleased with the script. I want people to get an understanding of him and his life, and the complete genius he was. He had so much talent, that boy, but he became out of control for a lot of reasons. Mostly for lack of discipline. But once the drugs kick in, usually that disappears, doesnt it? Ive got an actor in mind whos a role model. He might be too old, but then again, Keith looked 50 when he died. He was 32, but he looked 54. I think the actor is about 40 now. I dont want to jinx it and say his name. But theres an actor who Ive seen and when I look at him I go, “God, its Moon.” Its all to do with the eyes. The eyes are all important. You virtually wouldnt need to say any dialogue because you could read it in his eyes. I mean, thats a bit much, but you know what I mean. You can read so much in the face of Keith. He had such an incredible vibrancy. I got involved when Mike Myers wanted to play him. We were trying to get the film off the ground. I think Mike, when he was younger, wouldve made a fabulous Keith. Its a shame it never happened. Im driven by this project. It came to me in a dream 30 years ago.
It was after the period where we recorded *Tommy*. I think *Tommy* was always better live than it was on the record. I suppose I found the dimension of my voice recording *Tommy*, but I never really learned how to use it until we got it on stage. My voice can go from really incredibly gentle and quiet to a primal roar. Its incredibly loud. In those days it was probably over a four-octave range. I was very blessed. But I had no confidence in my singing, because Keith used to tell me what a crap singer I was. It can kind of knock your confidence. Its just that — four alpha males. Also, for instance, when I recorded “Love, Reign Oer Me,” Pete wrote that as a quiet love song. But when I heard it I thought, *No, this is primal*. I did it my way and had the confidence to do so.
I would say the last one we recorded, *Who*. We found our way around it. It challenged me because I liked the songs but I didnt think they were groundbreaking. There was something good in all of them. I think I found a way to present them and I really pushed the boat out, vocally, on that album. Youd have to hear all of the demos — I dont think theyve been released yet, but they will. Youd have to hear the difference between A and B and then you could see how I got around them. I think I got under the skin of the songs. A lot of fans dont like the new songs. I mean, it provides a toilet break. But then I remember back in the days of *Whos Next*, and how people used to go for a toilet break at “Behind Blue Eyes.” Times change. People get used to it, their tastes change and their favorites change and then its all where it is now. When theyre presented with something new, it challenges them. They go, *Well, I might go out for a drink.*
I dont think Woodstock as an event was overrated, but as a concert, it was totally overrated. As an event it deserves all the accolades it gets. Woodstock was the first time the American government really had to sit up and start to take notice of this huge army of young people that were really against the war in Vietnam. Youve got to remember the timing. For me, the stars of Woodstock were the audience and the bands were all crap. \[*Laughs*.\] It was just a fantastic event and it made the powers that be, whoever they are — will we ever know? — sit up and take notice. This was becoming a movement that was going to become unstoppable. Very quickly, within five or so years, that war was over. It still went on too long, but there it goes. Wars are quite stupid. They always end up with a deal.
We got along great with all of the musicians. It was party time. But it was uncomfortable. It was horrible, muddy, and shitty, and there wasnt a good sound from the stage. My main memory of the bands was that was the first time I heard Creedence Clearwater Revival with John Fogerty. I was backstage, but boy did they sound good. Fogerty was extraordinary. Hes a great guy. He still can sing like that.
Survival. I survived with three bloody addicts in a group. But I try not to think of it like that. Ive had a privileged life. I know that. Ive enjoyed every minute of everything Ive ever done. I like to take and accept challenges when theyre presented, if I think I can do something to make it work.
**Clockwise from top:** Townshend and Daltrey, tolerating each other through the decades. Photo: Michael Putland/Getty ImagesPhoto: Rob Monk/Classic Rock MagazinePhoto: Richard Young/Shutterstock
**Clockwise from top:** Townshend and Daltrey, tolerating each other through the decades. Photo: Michael Putland/Getty ImagesPhoto: Rob Monk/Classic Rock ... **Clockwise from top:** Townshend and Daltrey, tolerating each other through the decades. Photo: Michael Putland/Getty ImagesPhoto: Rob Monk/Classic Rock MagazinePhoto: Richard Young/Shutterstock
The only thing I can quite honestly say is something Ive already given a lot of thought. But some context. Im at that clinical point in my life where I can go on and potentially not be quite as I was last year, vocally, because thats the age I am. Do we attempt to go forward with something at all? I dont want to go backward, because were out now with the orchestra and those orchestrations added to Petes music. Its how Ive always heard Petes music in my head. Its always been classical — its not rock and roll. Im 79 in three weeks. Will I still be able to sing *Quadrophenia* next year when Im 80? An orchestrated *Quadrophenia* in the format of the band we are now would be phenomenal. Thats my ambition. But I cant tell you I could physically handle it. Its a challenging piece of work and it deserves respect. But who knows. Weve gone on far longer than I ever thought we would. I didnt think it would last until the end of the week.
Age is a weird thing. No one cheats it. Voices especially. Its such a tiny piece of our body that does so much work. People have no idea how complex vocal cords are and whats involved in what singers do. Like I said, *Quadrophenia* is not the easiest piece of work to sing. Even all those years ago, in our prime, it was never easy. But maybe this is the frame of mind Im in now, and with the orchestra, it settles you down in a different way than when youre just trying to make all the noise from four or five instruments. Ill never match the writing of Pete Townshend and I dont think anyone else ever will. But if I ever do, you can call and congratulate me.
- [Wynonna Judd on Her Hardest and Most Enthusiastic Music](https://www.vulture.com/2023/01/wynonna-judd-naomi-judd-best-music-superlatives.html)
- [A Lost Interview With David Crosby](https://www.vulture.com/2023/01/david-crosby-superlatives-stills-nash-young.html)
- [Robert Plant on the Finest and Most Questionable Music of His Career](https://www.vulture.com/2023/01/robert-plant-led-zeppelin-best-music-superlatives.html)
[See All](https://www.vulture.com/tags/superlatives)
Including recognizable Who tracks such as “Long Live Rock” and “Pure and Easy.” Jones was a full-fledged member of the Who for two albums, *Face Dances* and *Its Hard.* He candidly spoke to Vulture in 2021 about the “fondness and sadness” of his time with the band, [which you can read here](https://www.vulture.com/2021/07/interview-kenney-jones-the-who-and-pete-townshend.html). Townshend has said that the song was written about trying to give up his alcoholic proclivities. A sample stanza: “I take no blame / I just cant face my failure /
Im nothing but a well fucked sailor.” The band performed the classic catharsis quartet of “Who Are You,” “Baba ORiley,” “Behind Blue Eyes,” and “Wont Get Fooled Again.” Other acts for the October 20, 2001, benefit concert included David Bowie, Paul McCartney, and Bon Jovi. Recorded in May 1978 and now available in beautiful HD, Moon died four months later. Please sound off in the comment section with your guesses.
The Best Music of the Who, According to Roger Daltrey
 
 
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# The Murder of Moriah Wilson
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## One: Weapons Handling
Colin Strickland believed that every woman should own a gun. It was a feminist conviction of a sort. He would argue that, as a dude—a tall, tan, strapping dude—he enjoyed a freedom that many women dont. He could go most places and do most things without feeling threatened. He rode his bike on desolate gravel roads, then parked his truck wherever he liked and slept inside a Spartan trailer he hauled behind him. As a professional bike racer, he lived a remarkably carefree life, close to the best he could have imagined for himself. But he was aware of his male privilege, too.
Stricklands girlfriend, Kaitlin Armstrong, called him one night in the summer of 2020, sobbing and panicked. A belligerent man—maybe intoxicated, maybe suffering some kind of mental breakdown, maybe both—kept banging on the door of her Austin, Texas, apartment. The guy eventually went away, but the incident terrified her. Another time, she was accosted by an angry man in a grocery store parking lot. Now and then, creeps followed her while she rode on bike paths and made her feel unsafe. Strickland could only imagine how these incidents felt to Armstrong, a lithe yoga instructor with auburn hair that fell across her shoulders. He knew that men commit nearly 80 percent of violent crime in the U.S., and he wondered: Why should a woman spend her life living in fear? Maybe a gun would make Kaitlin feel empowered, more independent, free to live the way she chose.
Its easy to buy a weapon in Texas. So one day around the beginning of 2022, Strickland and Armstrong rode their bikes to McBrides, a family owned gun shop near the University of Texas. Armstrong picked out a 9mm SIG Sauer P365 pistol and held it up to get a feel for its weight. Strickland picked out a handgun, too. As a kid, hed lived in the rural Hill Country west of Austin, an area with a lot of firearms. But his family didnt own guns, and hed fired a shotgun maybe once in his life. The motivation to buy one now came from his fascination with machines; he was drawn to the engineering and construction.
In their relationship, Armstrong, whod once worked in finance, managed the money, while Strickland often paid for things. After providing the background information required by Federal law for licensed gun dealers, he asked the salesperson if they needed to have Armstrongs information, too. “No,” he was told. “In the state of Texas, you can gift someone a gun.”
Strickland paid for the pistols and gave one to Armstrong. They had also acquired two boxes of ammunition, one for practice and another marked “9mm JAG,” a bullet designed to break apart on impact and cause additional harm inside the body—increasing the chances that it would kill its intended target.
On a warm spring day, theres nothing like a swim in Austins Deep Eddy pool. An oasis a stones throw from downtowns skyscrapers, Deep Eddy is the oldest public swimming pool in Texas. Families wade in the shallow end. Twentysomethings lounge in grassy shade while half-dressed old-timers jaw in the open-air bathhouse, a stately building made of limestone cut by WPA workers during the Depression.
At dusk on Wednesday, May 11, 2022, fireflies flashed as 25-year-old [Moriah Wilson](https://www.velonews.com/news/gravel/meet-moriah-wilson-unbound-gravels-dark-horse-contender/) immersed herself in the water and swam. That afternoon, Wilson, [a professional cyclist](https://www.velonews.com/news/gravel/getting-to-know-mo/), had logged a few hours riding alone on the warm, windblown roads northeast of Austin. Before flying in, shed messaged her friend Colin Strickland to say that she was coming to town. Was he up for a ride?
Strickland and Wilson had a somewhat complicated relationship. They had met about a year earlier, at a four-day gravel race in Idaho. In the fall of 2021, when Strickland was in the middle of a breakup with Armstrong that lasted a few months, he and Wilson connected romantically. They were intimate for about a week while she was visiting Austin. Later, after Strickland resumed his relationship with Armstrong, he and Wilson went back to being friends.
Strickland knew that his local cycling opportunities couldnt compare with Vermonts, where Moriah grew up, or San Franciscos, where she cut her teeth as a bike racer. But he wanted to show her why everyone says Austin is such a fun place, and he invited her to go to Deep Eddy for a swim. After a dentist appointment that afternoon, hed picked up Wilson on his BMW motorcycle around 6 p.m., and theyd ridden down to the pool.
Wilson, who friends called Mo, was relatively new to the growing, distinctly American discipline of gravel racing, off-road events where pros start alongside weekend warriors in one big pack. But over the past year, the Dartmouth graduate and former downhill ski racer had dominated nearly every event she entered. Shed recently left a job at the bike company Specialized, where she worked as a demand planner, tracking supply chains and forecasting sales. She wanted to race full-time, and she came to Texas to compete in Gravel Locos, a 155-mile race through the rocky hill country northwest of Austin.
As Wilson climbed from the pool, water dripped off her thick brown hair. She wrapped a towel around her small frame, changed out of her bathing suit top, and put on a sundress. At 35, Strickland was a decade older than Wilson, but he could relate to her path. Ten years prior, hed made a similar decision to refocus his life, leaving a steady environmental-consulting job and dedicating himself to bike racing. The change had worked out. In 2019, he won the worlds most prestigious gravel race, Unbound, a 200-mile grind across the Flint Hills of eastern Kansas. Hed become an icon in the American cycling scene, sponsored by the bike industrys top brands, including Rapha, Specialized, and Wahoo, along with more mainstream brands like Red Bull.
Now, by the pool, Strickland and Wilson talked about the social relevance of racing bikes for a living. Wilson was just starting a grand adventure, whereas Strickland saw his pro cycling journey coming to an end. Both of them enjoyed winning bike races, sure, but they were uncertain about the value of what they did. Wilson wondered: How can I inspire people, give back to the sport, and make it more inclusive? Strickland thought about the hundreds of messages hed received from fans whod been captivated by his story—that hed forged his own path and stayed true to himself. He told Wilson: You can motivate people to live a healthier life.
As the sun went down, Wilson and Strickland left Deep Eddy and walked to Pool Burger, a patio bar, where they ordered food and rum cocktails. Stricklands phone buzzed. He looked at the screen and saw that Armstrong was calling. He knew she wouldnt like him hanging out with Wilson—their brief romantic relationship had been painful for her. Before going out to Deep Eddy, hed changed Wilsons name in his phone. A really dumb idea, he knew, but he didnt want his girlfriend to see Wilsons texts and get upset. At the bar, he didnt answer Armstrongs call. Later hed wish he had.
After the meal, Wilson climbed onto the back of Stricklands motorcycle and he drove her through Austins eclectic east side to a garage apartment where she was staying with a friend, Caitlin Cash. Strickland drove up an alley parallel to the street, dropped Wilson off outside the apartment, and continued up the alley toward home. Wilson walked up a wooden staircase leading to the apartments entrance and used a code to unlock the door. Cash was at dinner with friends; an app on her phone notified her that the door had been unlocked. It was 8:36 p.m., dark by then.
Around the same time, a neighbors security camera captured footage of a black SUV—with chrome around the windows, bike storage on the back, and a luggage rack on the roof—pulling through a driveway that connects Maple Avenue to the alley. The video shows the SUVs brake lights come on as it slows next to Cashs place.
Cash arrived home around 10 p.m. The apartment was unlocked. Cash entered, looked around, and soon found Wilson on the bathrooms tile floor, surrounded by a pool of blood.
Three bullet casings, marked “9mm JAG,” were on the floor by her body, which was facing up. Wilson had a laceration on her right index finger and another beneath her chin. Shed been shot twice in the head; a third bullet had entered her chest and exited her back. Crime scene investigators, who arrived soon after Cash discovered Wilson, would find the third bullet lodged in a cracked tile beneath her. Someone had stood over her and fired toward her heart.
![Wilson, a 25-year-old pro cyclist, in a field near the coast](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/moriah-wilson-coast-landscape_h.jpg?width=500&enable=upscale)
Wilson, a 25-year-old pro cyclist, was in Austin, Texas, for the Gravel Locos bike race when she was murdered. (Elliot Wilkinson-Ray/Courtesy Skida)
The murder of Moriah Wilson didnt become public until Saturday, three days after her death. That afternoon, the Austin Police Department—which immediately announced that a violent crime had occurred on Maple Avenue, but at first didnt disclose the victims name—issued a press release, stating that Wilson had been killed, that the shooting did “not appear to be a random act,” and that “a person of interest” had been identified.
In quiet conversations and rapidly multiplying text threads, rumors swirled in the gravel racing scene and Austins cycling community—my community. The emerging theory—that a love triangle involving Strickland, Armstrong, and Wilson had led to Wilsons murder—seemed too salacious to be true. But over the next week, as panicked friends exchanged information, and that information made its way to Austin police detectives, the idea that Armstrong had shot Wilson began, to many, to feel more and more plausible.
Security video placed the SUV—which appeared to be identical to Armstrongs—at the site of the murder at almost exactly the time police concluded it took place. Police also recovered the SIG Sauer P365 from Stricklands home. The departments ballistics expert test-fired the weapon and used a microscope to compare the markings on the shell casings with those found at the crime scene. In the resulting ballistics report, the expert wrote that the shell casings found at the murder scene were “positively identified” as having been fired by the SIG Sauer P365. (Although some prominent forensic experts have [questioned the reliability of this method](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-field-of-firearms-forensics-is-flawed/), its routinely used in court cases involving gun violence.)
There was also a troubling conversation Armstrong allegedly had in January, after shed gotten back together with Strickland. She was talking with her friend Jacqueline Chasteen at a party at a café called the Meteor in Bentonville, Arkansas. Chasteen was friends with both Armstrong and Strickland, and she felt that Strickland didnt always treat Armstrong the way she deserved. “Dump him!” shed told Armstrong more than once. In Bentonville, Armstrong explained to her that she and Strickland were in a better place now. She divulged, however, that the fling with Wilson had really bothered her. Armstrong said she thought Wilson had been aggressive in her pursuit of Strickland, that she wouldnt leave him alone. Chasteen noticed her friend trembling with emotion.
“I wanted to kill her,” Armstrong allegedly told Chasteen. A little alarmed, Chasteen expressed to Armstrong that surely she didnt mean it—that people feel and say all kinds of things when theyve been hurt. “No, I really wanted to kill her,” Armstrong said.
Armstrong confided to Chasteen that shed recently gotten a gun. This, anyway, is what Chasteen thought she heard. It was loud inside the café. Theyd had a couple of drinks. She definitely heard Armstrong say something about a gun, either that shed bought one or was about to.
At the time, the gravity of Armstrongs remarks didnt quite register. Everyone knew her as a caring, compassionate person, full of light and talent, not so different from Wilson. Nobody believed Armstrong could ever hurt someone.
Later, when Chasteens husband, Andy, told her about Wilsons murder, she nearly broke down in tears. “It was Kaitlin!” she told him. She phoned in an anonymous tip to the police, which helped them obtain an arrest warrant.
Initially, the Austin police considered Strickland a suspect in Wilsons death. But video evidence showed him riding his motorcycle home along Interstate 35 at 8:48 p.m. Because Strickland was eight miles from the scene of the crime just 12 minutes after dropping Moriah off, the police considered his story credible. Detectives also interviewed Armstrong. On May 12, the day after Wilsons murder, they arrested her on an outstanding warrant for a misdemeanor charge dating back to 2018. While she was in custody, they questioned her about the murder. But Armstrong didnt say much during the interview, and the police let her go. By Tuesday, May 17, six days after Wilsons death, they thought they had enough to make an arrest and began looking for her again. By then it was too late. She was gone.
## Two: Its Complicated
A fit young white woman, Kaitlin Armstrong, 35, stands accused of killing another young white woman, Anna Moriah Wilson, who was one of the best bike racers in America. In an effort to help the public understand how violence like this could occur between these two people, the Austin police have crafted a narrative about the murder. They believe the two women both wanted the same man, a buddy of mine, Colin Strickland. The police have portrayed him as a guy who cheated on his girlfriend with a younger woman.
To put it mildly, people have been obsessed with this case, which has been reported around the world. A quick Google search turns up tens of thousands of news stories. On TikTok, videos related to Kaitlin Armstrong have gotten 100 million views. Gun violence involving people of color is often diminished as gang- or drug-related. But when violent crime features somebody like Wilson, the world cant seem to look away.
If you look at  discussions of this case happening online, its clear that a lot of people want to know whether Strickland was a bad boyfriend. Also, was he such a bad boyfriend that he bears some responsibility for Wilsons death? The reasoning is that his behavior led Armstrong into such a jealous rage that she murdered Wilson. People who feel this way have filled Stricklands Instagram account with comments like “MURDERER” and “Its your fault.” At one point, he publicly disclosed that hes suffered suicidal thoughts in the wake of Wilsons murder. “If he decides to take his own life, thats on him,” wrote one commenter. All of Stricklands sponsors dropped him. Was that fair? Does he deserve the hate and death threats hes been getting?
Im not going to answer those questions directly, but I am going to tell you what I learned in the months immediately after the murder about Colin Strickland, this case, and the cycling community in Austin, where Ive lived for 25 years. Im going to tell you about Armstrong and Wilson, who I didnt know, but who knew many of my friends. And in the process, Ill divulge a lot about their relationship drama—stuff that happens all the time in communities like ours, that has happened to me and probably to you.
But I want you to remember something: if this conflict is what led to Wilsons death, it did so because of a handgun. Law enforcement officials have not charged Strickland with any crimes related to Wilsons murder, but he did make the decision to purchase a gun for Armstrong. Police believe the bullets that killed Wilson were very likely fired from that gun. I know that this fact causes Strickland immense guilt and shame. He wishes he could change it, that he could change everything. He wishes hed never met Armstrong, wishes hed never been a bike racer, wishes hed never met or spoken in private with Wilson. But the unalterable fact is that he did.
Three bullet casings, marked “9mm JAG,” were on the floor by her body.
![Image](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/moriah-wilson-black-and-white-2_h.jpg?crop=25:14&width=500&enable=upscale)
(Kai Caddy)
Wilson and Strickland first crossed paths at a 2021 bike race series called Rebeccas Private Idaho. The events, held every September, are hosted by a cyclist named Rebecca Rusch, and take place in the Rocky Mountains surrounding Ketchum. During the competition, Wilson showed herself to be the strongest female rider, but she finished second after suffering a mechanical problem with her bike and making a few rookie mistakes. Throughout the event she had brief conversations with Strickland, who finished second in the mens race. After it ended, they met at a local bar.
There they talked about everything from tactics to training to sponsors, and Strickland later introduced Wilson to many of his backers, including Red Bull, Enve wheels, and the Meteor, a combination bike shop and café with locations in Austin and Bentonville.
Because Strickland and Wilson later had an intimate relationship, its tempting to conclude that his support of her from the start was motivated by more than pure altruism. And yes, Strickland considered Wilson attractive, but when he first met her he wasnt looking for romance. He had a live-in girlfriend; Wilson had a long-term boyfriend. He saw their meeting as the start of a professional friendship.
Pete Stetina, one of Stricklands competitors at Rebeccas Private Idaho, says that gravel racing is known for a culture of mutual support, and that his behavior toward Wilson was consistent with that. “Colin was super friendly, and we liked to talk about the business of cycling together,” he says. “He was always an open book in terms of what he was doing. He helped a lot of riders, including Moriah. We were all proud of her. She was homegrown, from our little gravel discipline. We kind of viewed her success as our success.”
A month later, Strickland and Wilson reconnected at the Big Sugar, a 103-mile gravel race that starts and ends in Bentonville. Strickland finished ninth. Wilson won the womens race and finished 12th overall, just five minutes behind Strickland.
That weekend, Strickland went on a group ride on Bentonvilles flowing singletrack. With him were Wilson, Amity Rockwell—another female pro, and someone hed dated briefly in 2018—as well as two women who helped manage a high school mountain bike league in the area. Everyone in the group was an accomplished rider.
Though Armstrong had come to Bentonville, too, Strickland didnt invite her on the ride. Shed become a strong road and gravel cyclist, but he figured she wouldnt have the trail skills to keep up. That happens a lot in the cycling world, especially when rides, like this one was, are partly about business.
But no one likes to be excluded, and its possible the snub led Armstrong to see female pros like Wilson as potential rivals. On the nine-hour drive back to Austin, she and Strickland had a long and intense conversation about their relationship.
Strickland told her he wasnt the partner she deserved, and he didnt know if he ever could be. Ever since theyd started dating two years before, hed struggled to fully commit. More than once, hed thought about breaking up but didnt follow through. Now he did. By the time they reached his ranch-style home in South Austin, theyd officially split.
## Three: What Happened Between Them
Back in June 2019, when Strickland beat a bunch of Tour de France pros at Unbound and instantly became one of the most prominent athletes in the cycling world, I was stoked. Id watched him come of age as a racer in the Austin cycling scene. Wed chatted on long rides and butted heads in local races—then shared beers afterward. A couple of times, Strickland sought my advice on some pro cycling dilemma he was facing. Id give him my honest opinion, then hed do the opposite and totally make it work. I respected the hell out of him for that.
Whether Strickland was winning or struggling, Id often send him a text or Instagram message of support—saying, essentially, “keep going.” When he won Unbound, I was working for FloSports, a company that live-streams professional cycling. We produced a lot of content with him. He gave us a tour of his gearhead garage and showed me how to repair cycling clothes on his vintage sewing machine. A short film I made chronicled Stricklands rise from renegade alleycat racer to the worlds best gravel cyclist, a rider talented enough on a road bike that he was briefly recruited by an American Tour de France team.
Until I began reporting this story, I didnt know a lot about Stricklands personal life. But sometimes local gossip about whos dating who would involve him. He didnt sound like someone who chased drama. It was more like he lacked a certain kind of emotional intelligence when it came to relationships. Things that seemed obvious to everyone else didnt seem to occur to him.
I dont think Strickland headed out on his motorcycle on May 11 with the intention of picking up Wilson for a romantic liaison. When he invited her to go swimming, he didnt consider that a lot of people (including me) might view this decision as inappropriate. Especially if youre in a committed relationship and your partner doesnt know what youre up to. But Colin views the world differently, and most of the time thats worked out for him. He gives friends rides on the back of his BMW all the time, male and female, whats the big deal?
He knew that he and Wilson were just friends at that point, and he had no intention of cheating on Armstrong. But he also should have known that lying to Armstrong about connecting with Wilson was a terrible idea. If you find yourself hiding something from your partner, you probably shouldnt be doing it at all.
In 2019, back before Strickland had met Armstrong, he often worried that a deep emotional attachment could be counterproductive to his cycling ambitions. But, that year, following his most successful racing season yet, he felt a renewed urgency to meet somebody he could get serious about. He downloaded the dating app Hinge, which touts itself as the anti-Tinder, geared toward singles looking for real connection instead of casual hookups. In October 2019, he found Armstrong.
They met for a glass of wine at the Meteor on South Congress, then went for a stroll along the boardwalk beside Lady Bird Lake, with the Austin skyline sparkling on the water. Though Strickland saw Armstrong as sweet and intelligent, and certainly thought she was attractive, he didnt sense an immediate romantic connection.
Superficially, they seemed quite different. She didnt share his eclectic interests in music and art. He bought quality goods and repaired his own clothing; she didnt mind shopping at cheap chain stores. He grew up on an organic farm and thought deeply about food; she didnt really cook. He went to a hippie-style Waldorf school; she grew up in Livonia, a middle-class suburb of Detroit.
During the first few months they dated, Strickland considered breaking it off before things got too far along. But Armstrongs kindness, patience, and positivity kept him from cutting ties.
Then the pandemic hit. Races were canceled. Travel stopped. Strickland and Armstrong spent more time together and grew as a couple. He introduced her to cycling, and she developed a passion for the sport. Soon she was strong enough to draft him on his long training rides. She also supported him however she could. During the pandemic, for example, Armstrong spent five days on the phone helping Stricklands mother access unemployment benefits. This made him realize that a persons heart was more important than the music they listened to.
In February 2021, an ice storm struck Texas; the pipes in Armstrongs apartment burst, making the place uninhabitable. Armstrong stayed with Strickland while repairs were made. When she asked about living together full-time, though, he was hesitant. For half of every year, his mom lived with him in his four-bedroom home. More important, he worried about the emotional dependency that living with Armstrong might create for both of them.
Around the same time, as Armstrong was working to get her real estate license, she began investing in property. Strickland and Armstrong bought a house together in Lockhart, a small town just south of Austin, and Armstrong bought two homes in South Austin, including one in Stricklands neighborhood. They spent hours planning modern renovations to that house, including a custom steel fence Armstrong had installed. Her goal was to move into the place once the renovations were done, in six months or so. But more than a year after Kaitlin had moved in with Strickland, they were still living together.
Theyd also formed a business, Wheelhouse Mobile, that involved restoring and selling customized Spartan trailers. Armstrong became an agent for Sothebys, where they could sell the trailers for as much as $350,000 each. Seemingly without thinking about it much, almost every element of their lives became intertwined. She managed Wheelhouse Mobile and much of his racing finances, and she had access to most of his phone and computer passwords.
People liked Strickland and Armstrong, but a lot of their mutual friends told me that their relationship seemed messy. Some of Stricklands friends thought Armstrong had become too attached to his public persona.
One example occurred prior to a group ride in Austin. Stricklands clothing sponsor, Rapha, had made him an exclusive cycling kit, with all his sponsorship logos. Hed ordered one for Armstrong, too, as a gift, but asked her not to wear it at public events. He thought that would be improper, that his sponsors might not like it. The morning of the ride, when Armstrong came out dressed in the kit, Strickland asked her to change. Stung, Armstrong decided to skip the ride entirely.
On Armstrongs side of the ledger, friends of both her and Strickland had witnessed him speak rudely to her, to a degree that compelled them to call him on it. One of his bike industry friends, Andy Chasteen, talked about this with me, although somewhat reluctantly.
“I hate to speak badly about anyone,” he said. But Strickland could be “extremely condescending to people who he knows and hes close to.” Chasteen had seen it happen with one of Stricklands male teammates, too, and even with his own mom—probably the person hes closest to in the world.
Chris Tolley, a friend of mine who knew both Strickland and Armstrong well, shared his theory about why she put up with his rude behavior. Tolley told me that both he and Armstrong grew up in homes with an alcoholic parent.
“When youre raised like that,” he said, “your self-esteem is super low” and you can be much more forgiving of rocky relationships. Tolley was well aware that Strickland could seem cold, often referring to Armstrong as his “friend” rather than his girlfriend. Close acquaintances would say something like: Look, if youre not into her, let her go. You guys are in your mid-thirties, and shes ready to settle down. Its too late to screw around like this. When Strickland and Armstrong came back from Bentonville in the fall of 2021 and broke up, it seemed likely that both of them would move on.
Then, in late October, a few days after hed ended things with Armstrong, Strickland got a message from Wilson. She was coming to Austin to hang out with friends for a week and work remotely. Did he want to get together?
The emerging theory—that a love triangle involving Strickland, Armstrong, and Wilson had led to Wilsons murder—seemed too salacious to be true.
![Image](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/unbound-bk-2_h.jpg?crop=25:14&width=500&enable=upscale)
(Brad Kaminski)
Wilson grew up in East Burke, in Vermonts Northeast Kingdom, an unspoiled corner of the state bounded by the Connecticut River and the Canadian border. In the 1970s, her father, Eric Wilson, competed on the World Cup circuit as a member of the U.S. Ski Team. After he stopped racing internationally, he got a job as a coach at the Burke Mountain Academy, an elite boarding school established in 1970 with the goal of developing top alpine ski racers. Wilson and her younger brother, Matthew, attended, and both raced downhill. Two-time Olympic gold medalist Mikaela Shiffrin graduated from there in 2013, a year ahead of Wilson.
Wilson had dreamed of ski racing, but her talents and interests extended beyond the slopes. Her parents had started mountain biking in the 1980s, shortly after the sport emerged, and by age seven Wilson was riding the areas abundant network of singletrack. The world-renowned Kingdom Trails circled her hometown like a personal playground.
In addition to skiing, Wilson lettered in cycling and soccer at Burke, and from an early age she exhibited a perfectionism that sometimes overwhelmed her. In middle school, [Wilsons parents found her a therapist](https://vtsports.com/who-was-moriah-wilson/) to help her manage her determined personality.
After graduating from Burke in 2014, Wilson took a year off school to focus on skiing, but she was set back when she tore an ACL for the second time. During her recovery from knee surgery, she rode bikes regularly, and for the first time she considered giving up skiing to pursue cycling more seriously. In the short term she kept racing, and she skied for Dartmouth while getting an engineering degree.
During her senior year, Wilson heard about the emerging discipline of gravel racing. She volunteered at an event in her hometown, Rasputitsa, that involved 100 kilometers of the Northeast Kingdoms steepest climbs. Watching top pros finish the race, covered in mud and completely cracked, Wilson felt inspired. After graduating in 2019, she told her parents that she wanted to pursue bike racing professionally. They helped her find a coach, Neal Burton, who put her through a series of physical tests. The results showed that her power output was world-class, her potential unlimited.
That summer, Wilson and her boyfriend at the time, Gunnar Shaw, moved to the Bay Area, where she took a job with Specialized. They bought a van and traveled to events up and down the West Coast. Burton suggested she try cyclocross, which she did in late 2019 at the national championships in Lakewood, Washington. Starting on the back row, she worked her way up to finish 26th.
When bike racing went on hold during the pandemic, Wilson found that working from home gave her more time to train, and she kept getting better. In November 2020, she headed off to the proving ground for American endurance racers: Moabs White Rim Trail, a 100-mile loop through the canyons of the Colorado and Green Rivers. Completely self-supported, carrying only a hydration pack and two water bottles, she completed the loop in under seven hours, setting a new fastest known time for women and establishing herself as a rider to watch heading into 2021.
![](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/tetrick-moriah-wilson_s.jpg)
Alison Tetrick, left, and Wilson after a ride (Photo: Courtesy Alison Tetrick)
Wilson cherished the friendly and supportive vibe in the U.S. gravel-racing community. In 2021, she competed for Specialized alongside former Unbound winner Alison Tetrick. “My heart became full watching Moriah realize her strength,” Tetrick told me. Tetrick was drawn to her quiet confidence, still watching and learning.
Wilson was so driven that Tetrick sometimes had to remind her to enjoy the ride. Once during a training ride near Tetricks home in Petaluma, California, she noticed Wilson coughing. “You gotta take it easy,” she told her. They stopped for food; later, at Tetricks home, they sat in the sun and split a beer. Wilson felt a lot better.
Strickland, for his part, helped Moriah understand the business side of gravel racing. He was both impressive and sweet, and, as Wilson learned when she arrived in Austin in October 2021, newly single. She had recently broken up with Shaw. Its no surprise she was interested.
## Four: Fractures
The week Wilson first came to Austin, she and Strickland hung out at a Thursday night race called the Driveway Series, a social scene with free beer where a few hundred cyclists get together and hammer laps around a roughly mile-long course. Armstrong was a regular at the event, too; she had friends competing in both the mens and womens races.
It occurred to Strickland that if Armstrong saw him in public with Wilson, it might cause resentment. After the race, when Wilson and some of her friends went to the Meteor—where Armstrong was also going that night—Strickland went home. He knew it would be insensitive to be seen by Armstrong on what could be perceived to be a date.
The two of them were still working on cutting ties. Armstrong was looking for an apartment, which isnt easy to find in Austin, and was still living at Stricklands in the meantime, though she had a separate room. The renovations on her house were coming along, so she could move there soon. Meanwhile, Armtrong told Strickland that she didnt want to be part of Wheelhouse Mobile anymore. He said he wished she would stay on, but understood.
During the first weekend of November 2021, Strickland and Wilson drove to West Texas, where they went on three long rides with a small group of Stricklands friends. Armstrong, too, decided to get away and clear her head. She booked a trip to a beach town in Mexico.
Strickland didnt seem to fully take in how much his fling with Wilson was hurting Armstrong. But Armstrongs younger sister, Christie, who also lived in Austin, saw the pain. Around the time when Wilson came to Austin, Christie sent a text to Chris Tolley, saying effectively: Who does Colin think he is? Breaking up with Kaitlin and then seeing this girl from Instagram? Tolley understands why Armstrong was upset. “Who wouldnt be?” he says. “Like, your ex-boyfriend of a week is seeing some cyclist that you have a problem with—in Austin, on your home turf, in front of everybody? Everyone saw it.”
Not long after, Armstrong got Wilsons number and called her, warning her to stay away from Strickland. In the arrest affidavit issued for Armstrong on May 17, 2022, a friend of Wilsons—who went by the pseudonym Jane—stated that Armstrong called Wilson so many times that Wilson eventually blocked her number. Whether Armstrongs attempt to contact Wilson came up between her and Strickland isnt clear. But in an interview with Austin police detectives after Wilsons murder, Strickland said Wilson told him she got a weird call from Armstrong telling her to back off.
![Colin Strickland in his home in Austin, Texas](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/colin-strickland-home_h.jpg?width=500&enable=upscale)
Colin Strickland in his home in Austin, Texas (Brad Kaminski)
Over the holidays in late 2021 and into 2022, Strickland and Armstrong started to reconnect. Armstrong didnt have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so he invited her to dinner at a friends home. The group liked Armstrong; Stricklands friends were always happy to have her around.
At the end of January, Armstrong and Strickland went back to Bentonville to attend the nearby Cyclocross World Championships. Strickland had some sponsor events to attend; Armstrong, who had reconsidered her involvement with Wheelhouse Mobile, came to participate in a business meeting for the company. She also went because she loves bikes; she was stoked about watching races and seeing friends in the cycling community.
At the time, Strickland still considered himself single. He was in relationship limbo, trying to figure out if he even wanted a life partner. To friends who asked about Armstrong, Strickland would firmly say, “We are not together.”
Wilson was in Bentonville, too. She and Strickland shared a few sponsors, and she found herself at the same events as Strickland and Armstrong. The situation was awkward for everyone. At one point, all three were seated together at the same dinner. Strickland was in the middle, and Armstrong and Wilson were on either side. “What, does he have a hand on each thigh?” one of Stricklands friends joked.
Even if they werent back together, its clear that Armstrong remained emotionally invested in Strickland. It was that weekend, at the Meteor in Bentonville, that she allegedly told her friend Jacqueline that shed wanted to kill Wilson. According to police, around the time of the trip, Armstrong went to a shooting range with her sister and practiced with her pistol.
The events in Arkansas left Wilson feeling confused, and she sent Strickland a long text. “Hey! Sooo I would like to talk to you at some point,” she wrote. “This weekend was strange for me and I just want to know whats going on. If you just want to be friends (seems to be the case) then thats cool, but Id like to talk about it cause honestly my mind has been going circles and I dont know what to think.”
Strickland apologized for the confusion but didnt set the record straight about their status. Over the course of that spring, however, he would resume his relationship with Armstrong. Strickland maintains that he had reset his relationship with Wilson: friends only.
Through their jobs as professional cyclists, Strickland and Wilson often saw each other at races during the spring season and at post-race parties. In March of 2022, after they finished the Mid South gravel race in Stillwater, Oklahoma, they got together at a bar with a group of riders and industry pros, drinking beer until midnight. At some point, they heard that the races last finishers were coming in. Strickland, Wilson, and Pete Stetina, another pro, hustled over to the finish line to cheer them in.
Wilson, whod placed second at Mid South, would later recount celebrating the moment in her newsletter “Mail from Mo!” Writing about the last female finisher, she said: “It was dark, it was cold, and she had been out there for 14.5 hours! What an incredible display of strength and perseverance. Watching this woman cross the line, with dozens of others cheering her on, was a special moment. This is why we ride. We ride to do hard things and celebrate those things together.”
To Stetina, the moment felt collegial. “There wasnt any romantic vibe, or hand-holding, or anything like that,” he says. “It was just some friends having drinks.” But other racers who saw them felt differently. “Who _wasnt_ there?” Tolley says. “Kaitlin. Wheres Colin? Right next to Moriah the whole time.”
On Wednesday, May 11, the day Wilson was murdered, Strickland and Armstrong started their morning by riding bikes to the Meteor on South Congress. Strickland had made plans to meet his friend Bob Koplos, a fellow gravel racer, for a four-hour training ride. Armstrong accompanied them for the ride, but on a hill just a few miles outside town, she couldnt hold the pace. Strickland told Koplos they neednt wait, that she wouldnt expect them to. They kept going.
The dynamic of Stricklands profession as a bike racer and Armstrongs passion for the sport sometimes led to arguments. Ive been there myself and have had those conversations. Ive dated female pros who had a job to do and didnt really want their boyfriend tagging along. And I married a former bike racer, who I would sometimes ask, “So, if you fall off the back, do you want me to wait?” I guess its all about communication. Still, it sucks to get dropped, and youve got to imagine that Armstrong wasnt happy about coming off the wheels so early in the ride.
There was another source of stress in Strickland and Armstrongs relationship: litigation over a commercial property in Lockhart that Strickland had intended to use as a warehouse for Wheelhouse Mobile. He claimed that the realtor had tried to sell it to a friend right before he was set to close. So hed hired a lawyer in an effort to close the contract and acquire the property.
After she got back from riding, Armstrong texted Strickland to let him know shed gotten an email from the lawyer. Do you want to go over this? She asked. It was later in the day, and Strickland was already at the dentist. He never responded.
The day before, when Wilson had reached out to let Strickland know she was coming to Austin, he decided to delete the old text thread with her and change her name in his phones contacts. He thought that concealing these things from Armstrong would help him avoid conflict. What he didnt take into account was that his text messages also showed up on his laptop, which usually sat open on the kitchen table. Armstrong had the password. I have no idea if she saw his exchanges with Wilson, but she could have figured out that he had invited someone to Deep Eddy.
I want you to remember something: if this conflict is what led to Wilsons death, it did so because of a handgun.
![Image](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/moriah-wilson-black-and-white-1_h.jpg?crop=25:14&width=500&enable=upscale)
(Kai Caddy)
After Strickland and Wilson left the pool and had dinner, he drove her back to Caitlin Cashs apartment and said goodbye. The plan was to see each other the next day, at a dinner for riders racing in Gravel Locos.
On the way home, Strickland sent Armstrong a text. “Hey! Are you out?” he wrote. “I went to drop some flowers for Alison at her sons house up north and my phone died. Heading home unless you have another food suggestion.”
“Flowers” was slang for cannabis. This errand was of course a fabrication. Hed been with Wilson.
Armstrong got home at around 9:20 p.m., and she found Strickland in his garage, setting up new wheels to use in the race. She was wearing yoga clothes and carried a yoga mat. She didnt ask him where hed been, and didnt mention that shed been trying to get in touch. They went inside. He poured himself a glass of rye and sat at the kitchen table. She asked him to pour her one, too.
Friends of mine familiar with the events of that night told me that Armstrong then approached Strickland and initiated sex, and she was rough and dominating. They were regularly intimate, but this forcefulness was unusual. Strickland didnt mind it at the time, but later, in the wake of Wilsons death and Armstrongs murder charge, he would feel traumatized by memories of the experience.
Later that night, in East Austin, communications officer Juan Asencio of the Austin Police Department stood outside Cashs apartment and held a short press conference. Asencio told reporters that a woman had been found dead inside the apartment, adding: “Theres some suspicious activity going on in there.” He was unsure whether a murder weapon had been found, but investigators had ruled out suicide. Theyd also found a Specialized S-Works bike—Wilsons bike—tossed in a grove of bamboo 68 feet from the apartments entrance.
## Five: “Id Like to Talk to You”
The next morning, Austin detectives Richard Spitler and Jason Ayers surveilled Stricklands home from an unmarked car. They took note of the vehicles in his driveway, including his BMW motorcycle and Armstrongs black Jeep, noting that its chrome, bike storage, and luggage rack appeared to match the vehicle at the murder scene.
When they saw Strickland exit the house, they approached and asked if he knew a woman named Anna Wilson. The use of her first name threw him off, and he said he didnt. When they tried again—this time saying Moriah, her middle name—Strickland understood immediately and said yes, he knew her. The detectives told Strickland that Wilson had been killed. He was stunned, and the realization that he was one of the last people to see her alive washed over him. He agreed to go downtown and tell detectives everything he knew.
Lance Tindall, a commercial real estate agent and recreational cyclist, got a text from Strickland at around 8 a.m. that Thursday, the morning after Wilsons murder. Tindall had been trying to connect with Strickland to buy some used wheels, and Strickland suggested he come by before ten. Driving up to the house, Tindall noticed a police vehicle and saw Strickland pulling out of the driveway. Strickland saw Tindall, reversed to move in his direction, and rolled down his window.
“Hey, I have to go to the police station,” he said. “One of my friends died last night, and the two of us had gone swimming.”
“Like a homicide?”
“Yeah,” Strickland said, looking anguished. “It sounds like she was murdered.” Strickland told Tindall the wheels were inside and that Armstrong knew he was coming. Shaken, Tindall walked up to the front door, where Armstrong greeted him. They started talking about the murder, and she told him that Moriah Wilson was the victim.
As Armstrong talked, she began removing some of the extra parts from the wheelset Tindall was buying. She explained to him that Wilson was a phenom whod won big races in California, including the Sea Otter mountain bike race in Monterey and the Belgian Waffle Ride, a tough event in San Diego that shed taken by an astounding 25 minutes. As Armstrong worked, she looked at Tindall and said, “Is Austin really becoming this sort of city?”
Confused, Tindall asked, “What do you mean?”
“Are we really this violent of a city?”
Maybe, Tindall said, noting that homicides had increased across the country, and that yes, as Austin grew, there was bound to be more violent crime. “But a professional cyclist who just happens to come through town for a day or two gets murdered?” he said. “No, I dont think thats something thats normal for the city of Austin.”
Then Armstrong asked something that struck Tindall as strange. “Is Cherrywood a bad neighborhood?”
The murder actually took place in a neighborhood a few blocks south of Cherrywood, in East Austin. The citys east side, where neighborhood boundaries can be fuzzy, has historically been home to Autins lower-income and minority communities. Though, as people in Austin generally knew, over the past couple of decades it had been heavily gentrified. Tindall said he had friends whod lived in the area for decades and never had issues with crime. In fact, he said, a mutual friend of theirs owned a house there.
“Its definitely not a neighborhood where there are random acts of violence and murder,” he said.
Armstrong excused herself to go to the bathroom. She had removed everything but a tire from one wheel. Tindall tried to get it off but couldnt. Feeling a bit odd about the situation, he waited ten minutes or so for Armstrong to come out. When she emerged, she removed the tire and Tindall left.
He told police that it would later occur to him: How did Armstrong know the area where Wilson had been murdered?
He knew that he and Wilson were just friends at that point, and he had no intention of cheating on Armstrong. But he also should have known that lying to Armstrong about connecting with Wilson was a terrible idea.
![Image](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/unbound-bk-3_h.jpg?crop=25:14&width=500&enable=upscale)
(Brad Kaminski)
Downtown at police headquarters, detectives led Strickland to a small room with padded walls and said he was free to leave at any time. They talked to him for an hour, and he told them about his relationships with Armstrong and Wilson, and the details of the time hed spent with Wilson the previous day. Then the detectives excused themselves, leaving Strickland alone for what seemed like an hour and a half. He sat on the floor, tightly wedging his long frame into a corner of the room. He covered his head with his arms and pulled his hat over his face. This emerging nightmare was real.
When the detectives came back, they told Strickland about the surveillance footage, and how Armstrongs vehicle appeared to be outside the apartment Wilson had entered around the time she was killed. Strickland was shocked by the potential connection of his girlfriend to Wilsons murder. Throughout the interview, and in a second one done on May 17 with Stricklands lawyer present, detectives pressed him: Do you think Armstrong is capable of something like this?
“Do I think Kaitlin could kill somebody?” he said to Spitler. “No, I dont. I have no concept of having that much rage and the ability to suspend reality for long enough to do something like that.”
“Has she mentioned in the past wanting to hurt Mo?” Spitler asked. “Do you think she is capable of hurting Mo?”
“If I thought she was physically capable of hurting another human, I would have extricated myself immediately from that situation,” Strickland said. “Not so much for my own personal safety, but my concern for another human.”
Spitler pressed Strickland on the possibility that Armstrongs jealousy led to murder. “Ive given you all the facts I have about anybody doing anything,” he said.
Later, when Spitler left the room to take a call, Stricklands lawyer, Claire Carter, asked: “Is there something you didnt say last time—that you dont feel like you got to say?”
Exhausted by what he saw as APDs attempt to get him to implicate Armstrong, Strickland replied bluntly. “I have something to say: Fuck you guys for manipulating me.’”
The day after Wilsons murder, as detectives were interviewing Strickland downtown, Austin police officers searched his home, taking his and Armstrongs pistols along with Armstrongs phone. Then they arrested Armstrong on a charge that, oddly, had no connection to the murder.
In March 2018, Armstrong got a botox treatment at a medical spa in South Austin, costing $653. When it came time to pay, according to the misdemeanor arrest warrant, Armstrong pulled out a Mastercard with her name on it, then said she wanted to use a different card that shed left in her car. She put the Mastercard on the counter, went to her car, and never came back. She was later charged with theft of service, but shed never been arrested on the charge until now, more than four years after the warrant was issued.
Armstrong was cuffed, taken to police headquarters, and led into an interrogation room by two brawny officers in tactical vests and backward ball caps. She sat in the corner, wearing a sleeveless shirt and her hair in a braid.
After about 18 minutes, Detective Katy Conner entered the room and uncuffed Armstrong. Conner explained why shed been arrested and said that she was going to read Armstrong her rights. “If youre reading me my rights, then I should have an attorney?” she asked. She also told Conner that shed never heard of this warrant before. At that point, someone knocked on the door. “Are they knocking here?” Armstrong asked.
Conner got up, opened the door, and spoke to a colleague. “Well, good news,” she told Armstrong when she came back, explaining that there had been a mistake: the warrant wasnt for her. (As it turned out, it _was_ for her, but the Austin police seemed not to know that at the time.) “So youre not under arrest, OK?” Conner said. The door to the room was unlocked, but Armstrong appeared baffled and uncertain about her rights, and about whether she could really stand up and leave.
“They just came to my house and put me in handcuffs for no reason?” she asked. Conner said there had been “miscommunication on that.” Without reading Armstrong her rights, she added, “But I would really like to talk to you.” Then she started asking questions about Armstrongs whereabouts on the night of Wilsons death.
Armstrong eventually got a lawyer, Rick Cofer, and when he examined the details of this interview later, relying on video and a written transcript, he noticed that Armstrong had asked two more times if she needed to have counsel present. Conner ignored Armstrong and told her that police had obtained footage of her vehicle near the murder scene. Police records of the interview say that Armstrong had nodded in acknowledgement that the vehicle was hers. When Conner told Armstrong that this didnt look good for her, Armstrong allegedly nodded again, to convey that she understood.
Cofer disputes this, saying she remained still and silent, and that any head nodding was done only to convey that she was paying attention.
As the interview went on, Conner told Armstrong that Strickland had been with Wilson the previous evening, adding, “Maybe you were upset and just happened to be in the area.”
Armstrong replied: “I didnt have any idea that he saw or even went out with this girl, as of recently.”
Armstrong asked permission to leave, five times in all. After about ten minutes, Conner opened the door and let her out.
They helped her find a coach, Neal Burton, who put her through a series of physical tests. The results showed that her power output was world-class, her potential unlimited.
![Image](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/moriah-wilson-black-and-white-3_h.jpg?crop=25:14&width=500&enable=upscale)
(Kai Caddy)
When Strickland returned home that evening, Armstrong was there. She seemed deeply shaken, like someone whod been sucked into a bizarre, awful tragedy. They were in shock and didnt speak much at first. Finally, Armstrong told him that the police had searched the house and taken her in for questioning.
“Im really scared, what should I do?” she asked. Strickland said he thought that, from a criminal perspective, they didnt have anything to worry about. They just needed to document where they were and what theyd been doing, and to write it down before they forgot any details.
Later they lay in bed, trying without success to fall asleep. “I just miss my mom,” Armstrong said at one point. “I want to go to Michigan. I want to hug my mom.”
The next morning, Armstrong wanted to talk more with Strickland about what had happened, but she was worried that the police might have bugged the house, so they walked outside and headed to a nearby coffee shop. In the front yard, they found that someone had tipped over Stricklands motorcycle, which was parked next to Armstrongs Jeep. In addition, the top layer of a dry-stacked limestone wall in front of the house had been knocked down and strewn across the sidewalk.
At the coffee shop, they sat in silence. Eventually, Strickland asked Armstrong to describe where shed been and what shed done on Wednesday.
She said shed gone to a yoga class, then to a waxing appointment in South Austin. But why, Strickland thought, did the police believe that her vehicle had been in East Austin? His mind raced. He knew Armstrong was into astrology; maybe shed gone to see an energy worker on the east side? It seemed possible. Anything seemed more possible than Armstrong killing Wilson.
After finishing their coffee, Strickland and Armstrong walked back to the house. The police had taken their phones. “What should I do? Where do I get a phone?” Armstrong asked Strickland. He suggested she pick up a temporary phone at Walmart. Kaitlin left around 10:30 a.m. Their lawyers had suggested that they separate for a while, so Strickland went to his dads house. He wouldnt see her again.
## Six: Away
Not long after Armstrong and Strickland came back from getting coffee on May 13, she drove her Jeep to a CarMax about a mile from Stricklands house, on the I-35 frontage road, where she sold it for $12,200. Its unclear where she stayed on Friday night, but by Saturday morning she was at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport, wearing white pants, a blue jacket, and a black protective face mask as she boarded a plane for New York City. Her flight passed through Houston and landed at LaGuardia.
Two months earlier, Armstrongs sister, Christie, had moved to a private campground and wellness retreat a few hours north of the city called Camp Haven. Someone staying at the campground told tabloids that they had seen Armstrong with Christie, a fact that investigators have not confirmed.
On Tuesday, May 17, Austin police got the results back from the ballistics test theyd performed on Armstrongs gun, and they issued a warrant for her arrest. That test, along with evidence allegedly putting her vehicle at the scene of the crime, seemed like more than enough to bring her in for additional questioning, but the warrant went further. It also speculated on a motive for the crime: that Stricklands meeting with Wilson had driven Armstrong into a murderous rage.
The affidavit included text exchanges between Strickland and Wilson about the status of their relationship, anonymous sources who described it as “on again, off again,” and an account of Armstrong telling Wilson to “stay away from [Strickland].” The affidavit also stated that Armstrong had “rolled her eyes in an angry manner” when Detective Conner told her that Strickland had been out with Wilson.
In a statement, Wilsons family refuted the assertion that she was still romantically involved with Strickland at the time of her murder, stating that she wasnt in a relationship with anyone then. (Wilsons family did not respond to requests for comment for this article.) As for the eye roll, its not captured on video, and Kaitlins lawyers dispute the assertion.
On May 18, just as the news of Wilsons murder was reaching a boil, Armstrong boarded an international flight from the Newark airport in New Jersey bound for Costa Rica.
![Kaitlin Armstrong wearing cycling gear](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/kaitlin-armstrong-biking_s.jpg?crop=1:1&width=500&enable=upscale)
On Tuesday, May 17, Austin police got the results back from the ballistics test theyd performed on Kaitlin Armstrongs gun, and they issued a warrant for her arrest. 
![Kaitlin Armstrong U.S. Marshals](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/kaitlin-armstrong-wanted-poster_s.jpg?crop=1:1&width=500&enable=upscale)
(Courtesy U.S. Marshals)
In Costa Rica, Armstrong dyed her hair, cut it short, and went by the name Ari, though police believe she used at least two other aliases. She checked in at a hostel in Santa Teresa, a beach town known for its world-class yoga and burgeoning surf scene, making friends with locals and teaching yoga classes.
Of all the places to escape to, Santa Teresa, which sits on the Nicoya Peninsula on the countrys Pacific coast, seemed like a promising choice. To get there, you have to drive about 90 minutes from the capital, San José, take a ferry for another 90 minutes across the Gulf of Nicoya, and then drive one more 90-minute stretch to the western side of the peninsula. There, visitors find vegan cafés, surf bars, and pristine beaches set against mountainous rainforest.
Decades ago, Santa Teresa had a reputation as a low-key outlaw outpost. Electricity didnt arrive until 1996, and for a long time there wasnt a single paved road. In the old days, you might have met people there who preferred not to be found. But today youre more likely to see a touristy T-shirt that reads, “A sunny place for shady characters.” Tom Brady and Matthew McConaughey have been spotted in town.
Other Austinites were roaming around Santa Teresa, too. At Don Jons Surf and Yoga Lodge, the hostel where Armstrong shared a room for under $20 a day, she met Kael Anderson, a 27-year-old from Austin who went there frequently to surf. Anderson had heard about Wilsons murder, but it didnt occur to him that the woman he knew as Ari might be the accused killer.
“It seemed like she was holding a lot back,” Anderson told me. “She wasnt communicating much. But there were no whispers. Nobody knew a thing. She did not come off as the murderous type, or a person to plan a premeditated murder. She was pretty cool. She sat in a corner and worked off her laptop pretty much the entire time.”
Armstrong hung out at the one bar where most people went: Kooks Smokehouse, a barbecue joint run by Greg Haber, a former lawyer from New York. In Santa Teresa, when a woman whos new to the scene rolls through, locals often introduce themselves and offer to buy her a drink. Haber said that he saw Armstrong in his place two or three times a week, usually with friends of his. [According to the _Austin American-Statesman_](https://www.statesman.com/in-depth/news/crime/2022/07/15/accused-of-killing-cyclist-moriah-wilson-austin-kaitlin-armstrong-fled-to-costa-rica/65370395007/), Armstrong also befriended a local named Teal Akerson, who shed met outside a tattoo shop.
Teal put Armstrongs name in his phone as “Ari Tattoo,” and they got together a few times, talked, and smoked a little pot. At one point, when Teal tried going in for a kiss, she backed away. She told him shed just been through a bad breakup.
In late June, a little over a month after Armstrong became a fugitive, she took two buses and a ferry back to San José. According to [a report about the case on NBCs _Dateline_](https://www.peacocktv.com/watch/asset/tv/dateline-nbc/9060582955933764112/seasons/31/episodes/the-last-ride-episode-1/7cd938b4-dd08-3c4f-9ee6-c1e0427de8dc?section=episodes)_,_ she went to a clinic called the AVA Surgical Center and got a nose job. “She was completely changing the way she looked,” Anderson says. When people asked why she had a bandage on her nose, Armstrong told them shed been hurt in a surfing accident.
Law enforcement finally caught up with her on June 29. She was sitting in the hostel lobby, chatting with a friend, when three Costa Rican police officers who were working with the U.S. Marshals approached. They demanded to see identification. Kaitlin told them she didnt have any. Later, in a lockbox at the hostel, police found a receipt for plastic surgery totalling $6,350 under the name Alisson, along with Christies passport.
## Seven: Judgment
I saw Armstrong a couple of months ago, during a pretrial hearing in the 403rd state district court for Travis County. Chains linked her ankles, and bailiffs guarded her on either side. She wore the maroon uniform issued by a jail in Del Valle, just east of Austin. Her hair had regained much of its auburn color. She wore it parted on the side.
Her lawyers had been busy, releasing a series of motions challenging almost every aspect of the states case. One demanded exclusion of Armstrongs May 12 police interview from the pending trial, on the grounds that Detective Conner never issued Armstrong a Miranda warning during the interrogation. Another argued that the judge should throw out the arrest warrant, and the investigation stemming from it, calling the police affidavit, written by Detective Spitler, “a misogynistic and fictitious story portraying Ms. Armstrong as a jealous woman scorned by Mr. Strickland.” (Armstrongs lawyers declined to make her available for an interview for this article and did not respond to requests for comment.)
The pretrial motions made it clear that Armstrongs lawyers would be challenging fundamental pieces of evidence, including the ballistics test and the security video allegedly showing her jeep at the scene.
Each side has accused the other of using the media to promote their version of events. The defense, for example, points to [a chest-thumping press conference](https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?ref=watch_permalink&v=724761555465085) held by U.S. Marshals after Armstrong was apprehended. The presentation included her wanted poster with red print across her face, reading: “CAPTURED.”
For its part, the prosecution asked for a gag order, claiming that the defenses use of the media to sway public opinion toward Armstrong had tainted the local jury pool. The presiding judge, Brenda Kennedy, granted the order on August 23, saying that its in no ones interest for the trial to be removed to some remote location because of undue influence on jury members.
On November 9, Judge Kennedy denied the defenses motions seeking to exclude evidence. She said Armstrong didnt require a Mirandized warning because she wasnt officially in custody, and that the police didnt have any obligation to cease their questioning of Armstong when she wondered aloud if she needed a lawyer present. The additional arguments made by Armstrongs lawyer, in Judge Kennedys view, didnt meet the standard of the law or precedent.
Armstrong has a right to a fair trial and the presumption of innocence. Her lawyer argued that she left Austin legally, to be with her family. He also maintained that, at the time of Armstrongs departure, Strickland himself was still a suspect in Wilsons murder. The international flight? The hair dye? According to Cofer, they were decisions driven by fear of a potentially murderous boyfriend, not guilt.
Armstrongs trial is tentatively scheduled for June 2023.
“Do I think Kaitlin could kill somebody?” he said to Spitler. “No, I dont. I have no concept of having that much rage and the ability to suspend reality for long enough to do something like that.”
![Image](https://www.outsideonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/unbound-bk-1_h.jpg?crop=25:14&width=500&enable=upscale)
(Brad Kaminski)
At a memorial for Moriah Wilson last May, we gathered at the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Austin. We talked about anything other than the murder: the rides wed done that weekend, the events and adventures we had coming up.
A friend said to me: “I thought Colin might be here?” It would make sense. Wilson was his friend, and hes grieving, too. For Wilson. And also for Armstrong. And to a much lesser extent, for his own identity as a pro cyclist, a life he built for himself and has now lost. He hasnt been on a gravel bike since Wilsons murder. His last real ride was the one he started with Armstrong.
Id been to memorials for bike riders before. Many of them. I grew up in a bike club family. People driving cars ran into club members and killed them. I lost a close friend to road violence. I knew racers whod crashed and died while competing.
In some communities, gun violence is an all too regular occurrence. But in the cloistered cycling community I inhabit, its almost unheard of.
People get angry, they get hurt, they feel desperate all the time. They look for a solution to bring their pain to an abrupt end. A gun makes it very easy for them to hurt themselves, or someone else.
Strickland used flawed logic to purchase a gun, and he knows that. His belief that owning a gun would make women safer, free to pursue the life they want for themselves, was misplaced, regardless of whether or not Armstrong in fact killed Wilson. More guns equals more gun deaths. And not just of criminals. Less than 2 percent of violent crime is deterred through the use of a handgun.
Much more than the memorials Ive attended for bike riders, Ive attended celebrations of love. People who met and got married riding bikes. Children born to bike-riding couples, like Wilsons parents. After the memorial, we all went on a bike ride, from the Courthouse to Deep Eddy. It was a hundred degrees out. A swim with friends felt wonderful.
 
 
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# The New Rules
## Do You Know How to Behave? *Are You Sure?*
## How to text, tip, ghost, host, and generally exist in polite society today.
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/bc3/241/fb3f68e786975022a0ba034d4f5a7a9ba2-etiquette-nervous-man-4x5.rvertical.w570.jpg)
Illustration: Andrew Rae
- [Friends & Lovers](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#friends-and-lovers)
- [Strangers & Others](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#strangers-and-others)
- [Going Out & Staying In](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#going-out-staying-in)
- [Tipping](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#tipping)
- [Work](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#work)
- [The City](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#nyc)
- [Parenting](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#parenting)
- [Posting & Texting](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#posting-texting)
The ways we socialize and date, commute and work are nearly unrecognizable from what they were three years ago. Weve enjoyed a global pandemic, open employer-employee warfare, a multifront culture war, and social upheavals both great and small. The old conventions are out (we dont whisper the word *cancer* or let women off the elevator first anymore, for starters). The venues in which we can make fools of ourselves (group chats, Grindr messages, Slack rooms public and private) are multiplying, and each has its own rules of conduct. And everyones just kind of rusty. Our social graces have atrophied.
## On the cover
### —
We wanted to help. So we started with the problems — not the obvious stuff, like whether its okay to wear a backpack on the subway or talk loudly on speakerphone in a restaurant (you know the answers there). We asked people instead what specific kinds of interactions or situations really made them anxious, afraid, uncertain, ashamed. From there, we created rigid, but not entirely inflexible, rules.
Then we took our own medicine — we implemented these rules in our professional and personal lives. Some really didnt work. (“Its been great to chat” didnt quite land when we used it as a way to [exit a boring conversation at a holiday party](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#exit).) Others felt like instant canon (we agreed, for example, that [text-message amnesty is granted after 72 hours](https://www.thecut.com/article/tipping-rules-etiquette-rules.html#amnesty)). We fine-tuned and eliminated. We talked to friends, entertaining experts, and service workers. We sparked office arguments and made messes and ended up with a guide that we hope will stand the test of at least a bit of time — until the next great exciting social upheaval.
Life is finite. We cant be expected to spend all our time metabolizing content by friends or friends of friends. Still, if you encounter someone who has recently produced something creative and you dont feel like telling them you havent gotten around to engaging with it, say something about how impressive it is that theyve created something in the first place. “What a feat!” (with a cheerful hand gesture) is always effective. (“What a feat!” also works well if you saw your friends show and hated it.) Just dont overplay your hand and try to get into specifics. But if you do consume their artistic product, send them a nice note. Theyll remember forever.
At 2 p.m., theres still ample time for your friend — if they so choose — to text around and find another dinner companion. By three, they almost certainly will be alone for the night. (This doesnt apply if you want to cancel on someone who is cooking for you — in that situation, you have to tell them the night before.)
Your single friends have likely put up with a host of your well-intended yet annoying behaviors: that time you invited your significant other to tag along without asking, those other times you offered to set them up with your significant others unemployed friends. You may think that asking basic questions about their newfangled dating apps (“So which way do you swipe again?”) shows interest and engagement in their love lives, but your wide-eyed curiosity could just as easily come across as patronizing — and as a subtle reminder of your own blissful insulation from the dumpster fire that is app-dating.
This is doubly true in a vintage shop, where you should also offer to let them try on the things youve decided not to buy.
If, as a couple, you start an argument in the middle of a group of friends, that group of friends may start looking a lot like potential allies. Resist that urge. Do not attempt to shore up support. Do not ask if you are “clearly in the right.” Continue debating with your significant other if you must, but leave the others out of it. Your addiction to argument isnt everyone elses kink.
And dont turn on the lights when theyre asleep. Jet-lagged and want to talk? Dont do it. Think someone is coming in to kill you? Work it out yourself.
Theres no need to keep a tally or trade queries back and forth like its a tennis match, but do at least be aware of how long youre holding the floor and take care to share it.
If the conversation is so painful youre considering making up a story about a sick animal, your date will probably feel relieved.
Interject with “Oh my gosh, that was hilarious,” or “truly horrific,” or “unbelievable — youve told me.” But if you dont say it within the allotted time, you just have to listen to them tell the story again. And if youre in a larger group, you just have to listen, period.
Its annoyingly vague (and also smug). Some examples of when its acceptable: when trying to procure an apartment or a seat next to your, ahem, “partner” on an airplane and in negotiations with bosses about relocations. (This rule doesnt apply to people who are actively resisting the patriarchy by refusing to get married. You have no other word, we realize.)
Still, the historical mandate is hard-coded into most people and should be considered: If youre penetrating, you pay.
Your friend who is bereaved or suffering lives in time differently than you do. You learned about the death or the diagnosis at a particular moment and felt a pang of sympathy, tinged — if youre honest — with relief that you evaded loss this time, as well as a teensy bit of actuarial superiority: You dont smoke (that much), dont drink (that much), dont check your phone while driving (very often). **But you feel for your friend, so you put “condolence note” on a list along with other to-dos** — the health-insurance thing, the birthday gift, the financial-aid application — and there it sits, continually shuffled to the bottom of the agenda, reprimanding you as the days become weeks.
Things that are appropriate in any situation: babka, Brodo, money (if there are unexpected costs to deal with). A smoked turkey is especially nice for a grieving family — it can feed a lot of people, is delicious cold or warm, and can be eaten on its own, in a sandwich or salad, or hot open-faced.
You met up for a drink after work; discussed work, school, and siblings for 90 minutes; and ended the evening with a noncommittal “Lets do this again sometime.” Now its been three days and youre wondering what you owe this person you dont particularly want to see again. You *could* send a text letting them down gently, but its also fine to say nothing. At this point, neither of you has put so much energy into the interaction that it warrants a formal ending. (And besides, nobody likes getting rejected by someone they didnt care that much about in the first place).
There are exceptions, though. If youve been texting a lot after the date, or youve clearly talked about going on another one, then there is a social contract to not ghost. Quickly say good-bye and good luck and get outta there.
I dont ghost people because abandonment is my central trauma and passive-aggressive has never been my style. (Im more aggressive-aggressive.) I suppose I can understand the appeal of ghosting as an easy way to cut someone off for whatever reason, or for none at all. **What I cannot understand is ghosting someone and then coming back several years later to request a favor** that would have been a considerable ask even if we had remained friendly.
There are fewer breakup blackout dates than you think. Think its compassionate to wait until January 2 to dump them? No, it just shows you were planning to do it all through the holidays!
It doesnt matter who you have sex with.
The conventional wisdom has been that unless your friend is being hurt, keep your opinion to yourself because it will damage your relationship. Our feeling is that you can share your reservations — but you have only one shot. After that, your friend decides what they want to do and you cant bring up your grievances again unless they ask (no eyebrow raises or passive-aggressive observations, either).
This is partly because I can never remember anyones birthday, but I like giving people gifts as soon as I find something that may amuse them or that I want them to read or hear rather than waiting for some societally designated occasion. It feels less contractual this way. And the things I like giving — novelty T-shirts, hyperspecific vintage mugs, old issues of *The Face,* fruitcake, glossy eight-by-tens of 90s musicians — rarely rise to the gravitas of a birthday or holiday.
**Its just nice to offer someone a physical manifestation of “I was thinking about you.”** Or to figure out how you might distill someones personality into an eBay search string. Obviously, this doesnt work with children. But most other people in your life will appreciate the small unexpected interruption to business as usual. This dovetails with another personal rule: Always send mail; everyone loves getting surprises in the mail. — *Hua Hsu*
Its the perfect middle ground: assertive (*Weve met, I know it, and so do you*) but generous (youre telling them your name so they dont have to grope around blindly).
A couple of months ago, I met a famous singer backstage after her concert. I was wearing a loud pair of pants — the kind that attract a lot of attention wherever they go — designed by a friend. “I like your pants,” the singer said. “I like your glasses,” I responded in a panic. Horrible. False sounding. And how could it not be? A compliment that follows a compliment, even if meant sincerely, will always sound forced. Ive thought about it for months since and know exactly what I should have said: “Thank you” (owning the compliment) and “My friend will be so happy to hear you liked them” (gracious). — *Katy Schneider*
Just do it as early as possible, and casually.
Theres no better way to bring a conversation to a grinding halt.
The only good COVID conversation is “Are you feeling better, and can I get you anything?” No boring anecdata, no “how I became infected” stories, and certainly never ask anyone, “How did you get it?” Its dumb! Do you ask people how they got chlamydia? Do you ask where babies come from? Grow up.
If their mask makes you nervous, put one on too. If their mask makes you annoyed, get over yourself.
Maybe theyre at the tail end of bronchitis. Maybe theyre visiting an elderly relative next week. Maybe theyre feeling ugly. Maybe they have COVID right now! Its simply none of your business.
Its neutral and doesnt force someone to endure a trauma dump or a spiel on how “the world is up in flames.”
These are not the same. Try “Whats your ethnic heritage?” instead. Its not great, but at least its honest.
Its condescending to describe them thusly.
Not everyone believes in your made-up star bullshit.
It was 60 degrees in January. Theres lots to say.
Its oddly creepy when it comes from a man, and in other contexts, it reads as an unnecessary attempt to feign some kind of unity or connection between women.
Its classist and boring. Try three other topics first.
Flying is bad enough already. Do what you can to make things better for yourself. Just dont knock down elderly people on the way.
In the vast majority of circumstances, it is unacceptable to issue a verdict on the totality of someone elses appearance. You cannot walk up to a stranger at a party and declare, “Wow, great waist-to-hip ratio, but you sure do have a noticeably large forehead!” Yet that is exactly what “You know who you look like?” is, except in code. “I have assessed you,” you are saying, “and here is my inscrutable decision.” So now the target of your observation gets to figure out if it was a compliment or an insult, and because beauty is subjective, theres no way for them to know what you meant and no way for you to know how they received it — you simply cannot guess how the other feels about “young Barbra Streisand.”
One time, I was in a very spacious bar with at least a good two feet behind me, and then I felt it: a hand on my lower back like a piece of sandpaper. I turned around to find a man whose head was shaped like Caillous staring back at me. Its awkward, uncomfortable, and unnecessary. A nice little “Excuse me” would suffice. Is the music too loud? Give me a tap on the shoulder. — *Tarkor Zehn*
You might assume Im saying you should hold yourself in such high regard that no one else would ever impress you. That is not what I mean. Im counseling you never to be impressed based on my conviction that being impressed by people you meet is an implicit endorsement of the status competition that dogs so much of our social lives. Were impressed by degrees and professional accomplishments and physical beauty and fame, none of which is the basis of lasting human connection. Developing affection for someone makes you more human; being impressed by someone makes you less.
“Were comfortable”? Leave it in the 90s. Be forthright or say nothing. Theyve already noticed!
YOUR FRIEND: “This is my boyfriend, Pete.” (Its Pete Davidson.)
YOU: “Oh, of course! So nice to meet you.”
Its weird to pretend you dont know who they are, and unless youre a true fan, saying you love their work just feels disingenuous.
Same goes for Annie Hathaway and Jen Lawrence. Nickname-dropping is worse than regular name-dropping.
Hes not “Fiddy” for you.
Oh, look, youre the center of attention again!
We can see your eyes glazing over.
A classic good response: “Thanks for correcting me.” Then take the initiative to push the conversation forward. After the moment has passed, you may feel the urge to get more time with the person you misgendered, either to secure their forgiveness or to assure them (and yourself, lets be honest) that youre an ally. Resist it! Dont, for example, remind them of your progressive bona fides (“My best friend is trans!”), and dont find them later to apologize some more.
A simple “\[Name\] uses the pronouns they/them” will do.
Youre allowed to ask for things based on allergies and preferences. But when your dish transforms into another dish, youre a problem.
If youre waiting in line behind more than one person, thats your time to figure this out — its not for texting, getting deranged health tips from TikTok, or reading work Slack. Come ready to play, and cut right to the chase — just a string of nouns: “Poppy-seed bagel, cream cheese, not toasted.” Done. Next!
Once, I gave a dinner party with my ex, who was a fantastic cook. He created a five-course menu and made the pasta by hand. Then a famous designer — I wont say who — showed up with a blender filled with the ingredients for his own meal. He was on some very restricted diet. If I were on a very restricted diet or if I were gluten free, or vegan, or anything, I would not say a word to my host. At a dinner party, its about what the host wants to do. Just pick at what you can, then eat when you get home.  — *Wendy Goodman*
Theyll see straight through “Im going to the bathroom” or “Im going to get another drink.” And “Im gonna go make the rounds” is a bit cruel.
But if youre the only person who doesnt want to play the game, offer to be scorekeeper.
The worst part of any restaurant meal is the arrival of the check. Paranoia infects the table: *Who got what? And how many drinks? And youre a vegetarian? And whose card gets points where?* This is the police-interrogation room of the modern diner, bright and relentless.
Just offer! Admit that you ordered a whole-ass brook trout more than me on the check! Its all I ask. The acknowledgment. Plus, the entire tip is easy arithmetic. Nobody needs you to pull out the calculator function on your phone. Look, its not as if youre underwriting my California-sober lifestyle, either. You did not get invoiced for the CBD-forward hybrid I deployed to put on different clothes when its dark outside at 4 p.m. Respectfully. Besides, Im Asian! Chances are Ill pay the check on my way to the bathroom for the flex. I just need to know that you know. Yknow? — *Mary H.K. Choi*
No credit is awarded for arriving early, and demanding any is impolite. The pandemic changed everything but this.
## MY RULES
### Amy Sedaris
Photo: Getty Images/Getty Images
Be specific when ordering a martini. **•** *Be on time — the people with the most expensive watches are always late.* **• Assume everyone is grieving. •** Stay on the right. **• Make tipping your extravagance; dont just give back your change. •** *Stop ordering everything online, especially if you live in New York City.* **•** No dogs in grocery stores or restaurants — not everyone loves dogs. And stay near the leash; stop taking up the whole sidewalk. **•** *Leaving negative comments says more about you, the person who left the negative comment.* **• Lose music in shops or just play jazz. Old songs are triggering. •** Dont ride a Citi Bike if you dont know how. **•** *If you use a building laundry room, set a timer for when the washer and dryer finish. No one wants to remove your clothes.* **• No one wants to hear about your dreams or a TV show they havent seen. •** Stop sharing an umbrella. **•** *Dont butt in line with “a quick question.” They are never quick.* **• Learn how to properly mail a box. •** Stop calling your friend to ask the same questions every year—addresses, recipes, numbers. Write these things down. Keep track. **•** *Holding a seat for someone isnt fair.* **• Dont just order a martini — be specific. Vodka? Gin? Straight up? On the rocks? Olive? A twist? Dont make someone drag it out of you. •** *Dont make people have to chase you for money. Pay it.* **•** Find a new icebreaker. Not everyone wants to answer “What do you do?” or “What are you working on?” Assume maybe they dont do anything and arent working. **• If you smoke weed or cigarettes, have them on you. Dont always ask. Especially if youre on a four-hour boat ride for a wedding. •** *If you bring flowers to a party, they should already be in a vase.*
Amy Sedaris is an actress, comedian, and writer.
Any fewer is for misers; any more risks catatonia. N.B.: This rule holds for “classic” New Yorkstyle pizza.
Whoever owes you money may have a reason theyre waiting to pay you back — give them a chance to explain before you robo-remind them. That being said, try to pay people in a timely manner.
Tricked into performing a classic Jay-ZKanye collab? That song is “Friends in Paris” to you.
You cant use the day to make unreasonable demands on people. Youre growing up, so grow up.
Not everyone can or wants to pay for a round-trip ticket to Sedona plus lodging to celebrate your 31st, and no one wants to have to say that.
Its rude to the people genuinely enjoying that cheesy supper club or Medieval Times.
Its a house gift! It stays.
*Rules from an anonymous server at a Michelin-starred restaurant in New York.*
People dont know how to behave, but no ones ever known how to behave. Still, Ive been working in restaurants for 13 years and I feel like theres been a shift. **Restaurant etiquette has lapsed; people, at this point, treat everything like their living room.** Part of that has to do with the commodification of bourgeois luxury: Now everyone has a car service at their fingertips, everyone has on-demand concierge delivery of literally anything they need.
And never, ever make a superstar, whether they are famous or just extremely charismatic, face a wall; they always face the room. They must be allowed to sparkle. I once sat a very famous actor facing a wall at a dinner party. He didnt say anything to me, but I think he was upset — and Ive often thought about it since. — *Wendy Goodman*
If you need to use your phone, say you have to respond to something, then get in and get out (no perusing).
No matter if youre on the subway, in the office, or at a party, you should be the first one to bounce when things go wrong for any reason. Feeling menaced? Smell smoke? Time to head out. Not bringing anything to the situation? Run for the door. Making it a choice to always be the first one to leave in any kind of bad situation can save lives and help end a boring party for those who dont feel as bold.
Theyre not décor.
If you didnt receive a text from me within three hours after our hanging out, it would signal that I did not have a good time and I am simply not interested. I understand that not all of my cohort follows this rule, but they should. It is rude not to confirm that a good time was had. **I dont care if weve known each other for 15 years; Id like verification of a successful hang.** Most of my friends dont do this, so I tend to be the one to follow up. That said, a response to a confirmation of a solid hang is absolutely necessary. If I text “That was so nice,” Id like to hear “I love you so much” in return within the hour.
Windows open in winter? Mandatory testing? Hosting no-ventilation winter ragers where everyone spits in one anothers mouths? Absolutely fine. In your home, you set the rules.
Good hosts communicate expectations, whatever they are: “Hi, before we set up this playdate, you should know were asking all the kids to be masked indoors” or “Hey, this party is going to involve close-quarters a cappella singing. Dont attend if youre not comfortable with lots of aerosols.” **Letting people know what to expect is the best way to put guests at ease.** Include your testing requirements or other needs in the invite. And if youre not feeling bold, its okay to lie and say youre asking for masks because you were just exposed. (Its not a lie, anyway — you probably were!)
One persons “small party” is another persons “quite large party.”
Choosing bedrooms in an Airbnb tends to unfold in one of two ways: (1) A couple gets the biggest bedroom, leaving everyone else to fight over the rest, or (2) its first-come, first-served (i.e., anarchy). Both can be recipes for secret resentment. Instead, agree beforehand that the person who project-managed the trip into existence gets first pick. After all, putting together a group vacation can be a massive and complex logistical lift, from figuring out the dates, to researching lodgings and restaurants, to making reservations, to chasing down unresponsive members of the group text. And if you played a more passive role, its a good and basically cost-free way to show your appreciation. (The one caveat is that if youre traveling with people who brought their kids, its probably not nice to put them in a super-tiny room.)
Partys over.
You never know who might overhear you raving about the big twist or panning an actors overhyped performance. At a certain point, people have to accept that theyre going to hear spoilers for the film, but not three minutes before seeing it.
If you cant afford to, say that and see if theres some other way to make it right.
But money is always the perfect gift. Does this feel tacky to you? Reconsider.
Aim for at least a 60-40 ratio of telephone to Seamless.
Big App is not your neighbor, rents arent getting any cheaper, and despite what you might have heard, occasional telephone calls will strengthen your mind and your social graces as well as your vocal instrument.
We deserve something out of this.
Nobody wants to be the person who swipes that lone, lingering croquette or slurps down the final oyster from a communal seafood tower. Are you selfish? A glutton? All of the above? No. You are sparing everyone — your guests, yourself, your server — from the limbo of leaving one last bite on a shared plate. Letting something sit on the table uneaten while the bussers wonder whether they should clear the dish: Thats not polite. Its annoying. Eat the food! Thats why its there.
It is now almost impossible to make any sort of purchase without being confronted with a Square screen asking for 15, 20, or 25 percent. And not just for a coffee: Buying a water bottle at the deli or crackers at a specialty grocery store now sometimes also prompts the option. This might irritate or confuse you, but the reality is there are new social expectations around what deserves a tip. [***Read what they are and how to handle these situations here***](https://www.grubstreet.com/article/new-tipping-rules.html) ➼
The reality is were all having side conversations. If something is funny, just dont laugh out loud. A smirk is fine.
Unless the vibe of the meeting is dire.
Theres nothing worse than being woken up at 2:30 a.m. with a dumb text or a Slack notification. So why did you do that to yourself? Phones and computers have great tools now to manage your time away, including setting working hours and muting types of notifications. **Were responsible for which flashing lights and noises we let into our lives.** Because of that, anyone should feel free to text a friend or message a co-worker at any hour. We cant successfully move into the future unless we recognize that the onus is on the receiver, not the sender.
Sorry, Gen Z! And for those times when you have to be camera-off, just tell the host or group at the beginning. No need to give a reason; thats your business.
If your video-call background contains an infinity pool, a grand marble staircase, or a view from your yacht, the least tacky thing is to find a white wall instead.
Its far kinder than forcing your colleagues to play the game of “Can you decode what Im saying based on every fifth word?”
1\. Someone crying.
2\. Someone getting yelled at.
3\. A private phone call you overheard.
I like to think of my subway commute as “me time.” I know, objectively speaking, that this is untrue, that the train during rush hour is jammed with people who are not me. Nevertheless, under certain ideal circumstances, the bustling subway is a place where I can step outside my life, a no-mans-land between home and office, where, on the way to work, I can read a book in the quiet lull before battle and where, on the way back, I can reflect on the day that has passed. **The commute, in the right light, is a sacred space not to be infringed upon.**
Cordially say hello, make five minutes of engaged conversation (to show them youre not trying to escape), then say youre running late and get out of there.
You dont know their trauma! I get very amped up in workplaces, and sometimes that takes the form of overly aggressive conviviality — like discussing what people are putting on their plates in the cafeteria or eating at their desks. Once, I said to a colleague, “Wow, sport, youre really going whole hog at the steam tables!” Needless to say, we then had an emotional heart-to-heart about that persons long journey with disordered eating and why what I did was not okay, and **I never talk about peoples food anymore. (Mostly.)** Why would I want to make someones fraught lunch moment worse? Simply minding your own business is the best manners of all. — *Choire Sicha*
Others can simply leave if they dont like it.
“Im embarrassed to say I just tested positive for COVID,” one of our co-workers DMd us while we were working on this guide. But why should they feel bad? Straight people who didnt live through the AIDS pandemic are still catching up with the idea that its not your fault when you get a virus.
Instead, coronavirus outbreaks in communities are a time to revisit the group norms of a place like an office. Are you sure your office should be a mask-free space, endangering or excluding older and immunocompromised people? Is your community or employer addressing ventilation? **Are you still sure you should have to work in an office at all?** The only entities that should feel shame or embarrassment are the structures that allow us to spread COVID, not the people who are just trying to get through a day of work.
Socks arent the worst thing you can see in an office. But toes are.
That way, they dont have to share if theyre not ready.
Just sidestep into the street and go around them.
Dont cluster by the door. Dont sit in an aisle seat and leave an empty window seat next to you. Everyone will get in and out faster.
Nothing strips you down to your bare humanity like having to parallel park. A successful parallel-parking job requires the motor skills and depth perception of a professional athlete along with the kind of intuition that guides a migratory bird back home in the spring. It feels like a test — by God and by everyone else in the line of cars impatiently waiting behind you.
**People should be allowed the grace to park alone without being perceived.** If you are walking down the street and see that a stranger is parallel parking, avert your eyes. “What if they need my help?” you ask. You are allowed to help only if you are directly and explicitly asked to by the driver. Otherwise, keep walking — its whats best for everyone. — *Clio Chang*
Especially in New York, where their friend likely is.
Ditto for jumping the turnstile.
Whether its Marty Scorsese or someone filming an outfit-of-the-day TikTok, they dont own the sidewalk.
Its not a big deal. New York is expensive, impossibly so. [Median rents hit unprecedented highs in 2022](https://www.curbed.com/2023/01/nyc-real-estate-covid-more-apartments-higher-rent.html), and a slow comedown from the summer peak has done little to improve things. In this kind of market, **talking about what we pay to live here isnt rude — its more like asking someone how they managed to survive a bear attack.**
Almost a decade ago, I was at my local park chatting with a friend while our young kids played in the little-kid area. We were in that wonderful liminal space of caregiving awareness where we were facing our kids general direction but werent paying them any mind. Just then a dad we didnt know strode into our field of vision with his voice raised to an unnecessary pitch. He was — wait, what? He was yelling at our kids.
Friend, if Ive traveled to your inconvenient neighborhood to meet you for dinner, and I ask, “Hows baby?,” Im going to need you to parry with something better than, “Babys fine, boring,” shrug, eye roll.
## My Rules
### Lauren Santo Domingo
Photo: Getty Images/Getty Images for WSJ. Magazine I
Whatever you do, try to avoid “Pleasure to meet you.” **• Text, email, and Paperless Post invitations are all okay. The only thing thats not okay is an invitation from an assistant sent to your friends. •** *Tell your guests what time you plan to sit down for dinner at a dinner party. (Example: “The party starts at 7:30, were sitting at eight.”)* **•** If there is no dress code, tell your guests what you are wearing — and then actually wear it. Dont say youre wearing jeans and then wear a gown or vice versa. **• Dont make complicated dress codes (like Tuscan-sunset sorbet tones) or send an elaborate mood board with outfit ideas.•***Be up-to-date with* The White Lotus. *As in, dont put your hands over your ears and scream “No spoilers!”* **•** Always RSVP “no” if youre the slightest bit unsure. Its so much easier to change your reply to a “yes” at the last minute than to try to come up with an excuse to cancel. And if you reply “yes,” you have to go. **• Reply to an invite right away. Busy, productive people respond quickly. Lazy, chaotic people reply late. Its a fact. I have proof. •** *If youre going to a small party, do not arrive on time. Its rude. But if youre going to a large party where you dont know anyone, go early. Its easier to find someone new to talk to in a small crowd than in a big crowd.* **•** Always introduce people who are in a conversation or who you think may have something in common. Dont be offended if they become friends without you. **• Always introduce a younger person to an older or a more distinguished person. •** *Say “How do you do?” instead of “Pleasure to meet you.”* **•** Never name-drop unless its a funny, self-deprecating story. But if you must (and sometimes you must), use the celebritys first and last name. Somehow its less obnoxious. **• Host couples should be seated at different tables so more people feel as if theyre at a good table. •** *Never ask your guests to take off their shoes.* **•** Never ask your guests to smoke outside — or not to smoke at all. **• Never give “a tour” unless people insist. And if they insist, dont show the bathrooms.•***If you want out of a conversation, you can say, “Well, I dont want to keep you any longer.”* **•** Dont cough in a crowded room. **• When setting a table, put the silverware and glasses wherever you want, and dont invite the person who would give you a hard time about things being in the wrong place.**
*Lauren Santo Domingo is the co-founder of Moda Operandi and a former editor.*
How clever they are is a great topic to discuss at length with partners, grandparents, and their teachers. Friends (especially ones with kids) and even siblings, not so much.
All kids are different, and you pretty much always end up offending or stressing out another parent. So keep it to yourself and enjoy being quietly smug about your superior parenting choices.
Asking a teenager “Where do you want to go to college?” can raise a host of sore subjects theyd rather avoid, including their own self-worth and family net worth. We asked a group of high-stress high-school students what to say instead. They included “What are you thinking about life after high school?” and “What are you most excited about when thinking about college?” and the more direct but all-inclusive “What are your plans after high school?”
Were they exposed to COVID three days ago? Do they have diarrhea? Let it all hang out and then let the other parents decide how to proceed.
Are you feeding them? Y/N.
Am I supposed to stay? Y/N.
Are siblings welcome? Y/N.
Is this a no-gift party? Y/N.
We may never be able to identify the patient zero of “Please, no gifts.” But its easy to understand why, once we parents saw this phrase for the first time, we all then began to affix it to our own *PAW Patrol*themed evites. No one wants to make people they barely know feel obligated to add an errand and a financial obligation to their overburdened lives, and also our kids are already swimming in an ocean of plastic crap. The problem with “Please, no gifts”? **It doesnt work, and it makes people feel weird whether they obey the rule or — as its tacitly understood one can and maybe should — loudly ignore it.**
Since people will bring gifts no matter what, it is now my belief that gentle and specific gift guidance is more realistic. You know, **“Gifts arent necessary, but Hortense loves books about turtles,”** for instance. Alternatively, we might opt to say nothing and let the chips fall where they may. Then we can all turn our attention to bigger problems, like the abolition of goody bags. — *Emily Gould*
They know their baby is crying.
The combination of the single letter and period comes across as unfriendly (even if it doesnt read that way to boomers). It basically means “fuck you” to Gen Z. But *k* (no period), *kk,* or *ok* are fine.
The sudden demotion can feel disheartening to the other person. A mid-level “haha” or a quick “Lol” is kinder.
If they hand you their phone to show you a photo, keep your thumb still. Sure, youre friends, but theyd probably prefer you not see the close-up selfies of their moles, their screenshots of text gossip, or the 200 outtakes from the nude photo shoot they did the other night.
This is true across the board for men communicating with women.
In a spicy man-on-man venue like Grindr, dick pics are fine, but everything else requires consent.
Lets say you invited someone to your “thing” (dinner, party, book talk, baby shower, séance, intention-setting gathering), and they said “no” or offered a noncommittal “maybe.” It might smart a little, but should you discover that they went to another social engagement instead, do not reach out and confront them or shit-talk them to your mutual friends. In fact, its probably best not to track them on Instagram in the first place — the story youll tell yourself will always be worse than the real one. — *Allison P. Davis*
Social media has familiar formats because they accomplish goals. YouTubers flash a peace sign and sign off with “Dont forget to like and subscribe!” because it works. But theyre businesspeople. Youre actual people. Sound, imagery, and text are your palette for self-expression. Why not use these platforms to find out how you communicate best instead of borrowing from everyone else?
Were talking about the one-word responses to your photos or stories (“cute!” “haha!”) or even the heart emoji itself. Its okay to heart-react if you want to, but you can set yourself free from the expectation. (This holds true for text-message reactions.)
When you (Oh my God) have something wild to share (You wont believe this!) and you just (Are you kidding?!) cant wait (Im dying) to share it in person (Holy shit), you know you cant put it in writing. **Texts are far too easy to screenshot and far too boring to type.** As your attorney, I must advise you: Send that gossip in a voice memo.
Unless the recipient is one of those people who saves all their voice memos — careful, they exist — this mode is ephemeral. It is fast, and it is fun. Nothing beats a face-to-face tête-à-tête or even a dishy phone call. But a series of increasingly (What?) unhinged (No!) recordings (Again?!) of your friend talking out of school in their actual (Gasp!) voice? Its enough to singe your ear. — *Madeline Leung Coleman*
## My Rules
### Laila Gohar
Photo: Getty Images/Dave Benett/Getty Images for Per
No neighborhood profiling! **•** *Never do dishes while your guests are still at the table. This is the same as committing party murder.* **•** **Always greet your partner with a kiss, and if youre looking at your phone, look up. •** Face up and away from your phone when you cross the street (even if youre at a crosswalk and its green). **•** *Dont ask people how much they pay in rent.* **• Dont ask people where they live within two minutes of meeting them. This is every New Yorkers attempt to profile you based on your neighborhood. •** Dont ask people what their star sign is upon meeting them (or ever). **•** *Dont smell like Le Labo Santal 33.* **• If youre fit and capable and see a woman alone with a stroller on the subway stairs, offer to help out. •** Buy the churros on the subway. Theyre good. And a very respectable hustle, IMO. **•** *Dont say things like “I dont go above 14th Street.”* **• Dont ask the server for “something funky” when they ask what wine you would like. •** And while were at it, here are some phrases and words I think should be banned: *creative type* and *creatives* as a noun, *circle back,* *inspo, girlboss, the gram, influencer.*
[*Laila Gohar*](https://www.thecut.com/2022/05/up-on-the-rooftop-in-gohar-world.html) *is a chef, artist, and founder of* [*Gohar World*](https://gohar.world/)*.*
Then be honest about the fact that you ignored it in the first place.
After that point, you dont have to acknowledge the old text when you get in contact again.
It doesnt matter if you have a big following. Its a gesture, it takes 0.5 seconds, and it matters more than you probably realize.
From “all best” to “lotsa love,” be yourself.
I refuse to give up email sign-offs because Im a romantic and a historian — they are the last vestige of written correspondence, and they must be preserved. That said, there is only one correct way to sign off on an email, and that is “as always.” Its a workhorse that can be intimate without being weirdly romantic, respectful without being overly formal, or exasperated without being too cold. An initial is abrupt, “best” is boring, and “cheers” is obnoxious. An adverb — “hastily,” “warmly,” “faithfully,” “tenderly” — has charm but requires some thought. “As always,” on the other hand, is the effortless adieu of someone dashing off emails in between fabulous outings — while I am in actuality hunched over my laptop reading and rereading emails I drafted a week ago. — *Madeline Porsella*
While it is safe to assume that most people under the age of 50 are umbilically attached to their phone, to have demonstrable proof that they have seen and ignored your communiqué is psychologically inadvisable.
No screenshots, and no copy and paste, without permission. And pictures? Get the consent in triplicate.
People text differently. Its okay to communicate about it. Getting bombarded? Try saying “Hey, I dont text that much” or “I dont text as much when Im busy during the day at work” if you have a different text cadence from a friend.
On Instagram, where best practices are unspoken but nearly universal, the conventional wisdom is that you should post on your main feed no more than once a day. Infrequent posting is perfectly in line with Instagrams social mechanisms — it maximizes likes on each post, prioritizes the consumer, and lends itself to a tasteful, optimized feed where only the best-of-the-best pics make the cut. But if youre going to participate in social media, the only way to have any fun with it is by consciously defying the incentives it dangles in front of you. **Post excessively, indulgently, tastelessly.** Maybe even take some shots with the in-app camera and post them as-is (it only seems unimaginable because youre not thinking big enough). **The curated** [**photo-dump**](https://www.thecut.com/2021/09/instagram-photo-dump-trend.html) **carousel, polite and unintrusive, is dead**; posting 15 individual photos to your main grid in one day is what freedom feels like. — *Rayne Fisher-Quann*
“Only the most moronic amongst us post photos of famous people seconds after they die,” [Keith McNally](https://www.curbed.com/article/reasons-to-love-new-york-2022.html) recently wrote on Instagram. “Its not a form of respect for the dead, but an attempt to sycophantically associate themselves with the famous. Its their 15 minutes of fame, the necrophiliac bastards.” We tend to agree: Unless David Crosby was your actual uncle,
or cousin, or whatever, refrain.
**Additional contributions by:** Mariam Aldhahi, Rachel Bashein, Marisa Carroll, Danielle Cohen, Brock Colyar, Chris Crowley, Andrea González-Ramírez, Sukjong Hong, Danya Issawi, Tirhakah Love, Shawn McCreesh, Justin Miller, Sasha Mutchnik, Jen Ortiz, Matthew Schneier, Joy Shan, Genevieve Smith, Alexis Swerdloff, Jen Trolio, Olivia Truffaut-Wong, Elizabeth Weil, and Winnie Yang.
The New Rules
 
 
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Link: https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2022/11/the-people-fleeing-austin-because-texas-is-too-conservative.html?utm_source=sailthru&utm_medium=email_acq&utm_campaign=ogs_ob1&utm_content=great-story&utm_term=
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# The People Fleeing Austin Because Texas Is Too Conservative
## Austin Has Been Invaded by Texas
The progressive paradise is over for some, and theyre fleeing to bluer pastures.
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/c45/b89/f63ec5cfc0a764fec19746c7a2058b9383-austin-texas.rsquare.w700.jpg)
Photo-Illustration: Intelligencer; Photo: Getty Images
On a late summer evening, friends of John Stettin gathered at a bar called Kitty Cohens in East Austin to say good-bye. A carrot cake with “Good Luck” written in orange icing softened in the heat, but as far as they were concerned, the occasion was his birthday. “You cant say, Happy going away!’” said Jeff, his best friend, greeting him with a hug. “Were just not happy. Were all very sad about it.” Good-bye parties are inherently not that fun. Theyre even less fun when theyre driven by a far-right takeover of the state government.
“Tell him he cant leave,” whispered a woman seated under an umbrella. “There are too many Republicans.” 
To hear Stettin tell it, that is precisely why he is moving out of what Rick Perry once described as the “blueberry in the tomato soup,” a predominantly Democratic city full of liberal expats like himself seeking progressive politics and an urban lifestyle at a red-state cost-of-living discount. “It was easy to just be in Never Neverland, floating with a bunch of other transplants having a good time,” said Stettin, who relocated from Dallas to Austin five years ago.
But then 2020 happened. As the pandemic raged, Governor Greg Abbott [banned](https://www.texastribune.org/2021/08/06/texas-greg-abbott-covid-restrictions/) municipalities including Austin from implementing COVID measures such as mask mandates. The following year, amid a brutal winter storm, the states electric grid failed, killing hundreds and leaving millions freezing in the dark, and it has yet to be fixed. That summer, Abbott codified permitless carry and further restricted voting access. This past February, he [ordered investigations into the parents of trans children for child abuse](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2022/04/how-texas-became-a-virulently-anti-trans-state.html). By June, when the Supreme Court overturned *Roe* v. *Wade*, Texas was ten months ahead, having already effectively banned abortion with no exceptions for rape or incest and topped it with a $10,000 reward for informants.
“Its like how a frog boils one degree at a time,” Stettin said. “They trigger-banned all abortion *and* theyre offering a bounty! What more do you need if you are a remotely liberal person to get the fuck out of here?” His destination was Massachusetts. “At least if Im going to get into an argument with a guy in Boston,” he said, “hes probably not carrying an AR-15 in his trunk.”
This summer, that anxiety pervaded a stratum of liberal Austin, namely women, LGBTQ+ folks, parents, and people of color who fear a future in Texas and have the means to escape. The overturning of *Roe* seemed to remove the last obstacle in the states march to the far right, which is likely to be cemented in the upcoming election where Beto ORourke is way behind Abbott. While the Democratic mayor and the liberal city council institute token measures such as decriminalizing abortion, its cold comfort. One 25-year-old woman said she had her tubes tied, fearing the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy. One couple may relocate to the Northeast to carry out their pregnancy. Some job candidates are [refusing to relocate](https://www.wsj.com/articles/small-businesses-in-texas-plot-next-moves-as-abortion-law-shifts-11658061310). At Stettins party, his friend Jeff swiped open his phone to a note entitled “New Austin Cities” — a list of places that are what Austin used to be to him before he moved here from New York. It read, “Pittsburgh, Durham, Boise, Columbus, Jackson Hole, Chattanooga. Factors: Climate change, demographics, economy, location, taxes, nature, weather.” He plans to stick it out at least for now. “Global warming in the next ten years,” he said. “Thats gonna be fucking real.”
The alarm was acute among transplants. Bri Jenkins is moving home to Hamden, Connecticut, after six years working with various nonprofits in Austin. “It could be three weeks before I saw another Black person, and that was such a mindfuck for me,” she recalled feeling when she first moved to Austin. After a far-right gunman killed 23 people in El Paso in 2019, she stopped going to parades. “Too many vantage points,” she said. “White men with guns and Army fatigues are protected, but people who are peacefully protesting … are always bombarded by the police,” she said, referring to the [police crackdowns](https://www.statesman.com/restricted/?return=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.statesman.com%2Fstory%2Fnews%2F2022%2F02%2F18%2Faustin-police-officers-indicted-grand-jury-2020-protest-victim-settlement-cost-city-apd-bean-bags%2F6833008001%2F) during 2020s George Floyd protests. As a queer woman, she fears for the fate of gay rights, which Senator Ted Cruz and Attorney General Ken Paxton [have](https://www.kvue.com/article/news/national/supreme-court/ted-cruz-supreme-court-same-sex-marriage/269-d73a10b0-57bf-439e-a849-ea76a50c4679) [expressed](https://www.chron.com/politics/article/Texas-abortion-ken-paxton-sodomy-law-gay-marriage-17271966.php) could be next. “I just want to be back in a state that isnt trying to strip away all of my rights at every turn,” she said.
However many people leave, it will be small in comparison with how many keep coming. Austin is the [fastest-growing metro](https://www.austinchamber.com/blog/02-08-2022-migration) in the U.S., and its population has increased by one-third over the past decade, with people from across Texas and the nation lured to the hippie-cowboy capital by tech jobs. In some cases, this explosive growth has bred at least as much discontent as the shifting political landscape. What was once seen as an affordable, creative haven is now a runaway boomtown, [pricing out most of whatever was left of Austins proclaimed weirdness](https://www.curbed.com/2021/07/austins-real-estate-market-inside-the-frenzy.html) and drawing frequent comparisons to San Francisco. In the past year, rent [soared](https://www.statesman.com/story/business/real-estate/2022/08/16/apartment-rents-hit-all-time-highs-in-austin-areas-booming-market/65397831007/) more than 20 percent, and the median home price rose almost as much over the same period (before home prices dropped thanks to interest-rate hikes). The airport has new direct flights to Vail, Colorado, and Texass first Soho House opened there last year. [Elon Musk](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/what-is-elon-musk.html) has built a $1.1 billion “gigafactory” nearby, turning “Tesla” into shorthand among some to describe the citys bougification. “Theres nothing weird about Austin,” said one Soho House patron, who recently flew home to California for an abortion. “Lululemon is everywhere.”
Parents of trans children started to flee months ago. In March, Karen had just picked up her 10-year-old daughter from acting camp when she began telling her about an upcoming protest at the governors mansion against Abbotts order instructing Child Protective Services to investigate families providing gender-affirming medical care to their trans children for child abuse. Karen (whose name is being withheld to protect her family) asked if her daughter might want to do a voice recording to share her story with the crowd. “Am I going to die?” she asked. Stunned, Karen asked why she would think such a thing. “Because everybody here hates me.” Karen pulled over, jumped out, and threw her arms around her daughter as they sobbed. “It was that moment when I knew we had to leave,” she recalled through tears.
A second-generation Texan, she stayed as long as she could. “Ive always said, Im gonna stay and fight until they try to take my kids away,’” she said. While she said her daughter is not undergoing any sort of medical treatment targeted by the directive, she did not want to risk being separated from her children. In early June, they fled from Austin to Portland, Oregon. When she told her Republican father about her decision, he burst into tears. He said, “Im glad youre getting out of here to get someplace safe.”
Karen said she has PTSD from the experience, and she feels survivors guilt for not staying behind to fight with other families with trans children. But in the end, leaving is what she, and at least five other families she knows, had to do. Speaking from Portland, she said, “I am genuinely frightened for my home state.”
Jordan Massingill is not far behind. A 32-year-old software engineer living in Austin, she will move once her 15-year-old daughter graduates from high school so as not to tear her away from her friends. Massingill was born and raised in Amarillo, in the conservative Panhandle, and gave birth to her daughter when she was 17 years old. “Its a double-edged sword. I feel an obligation to other women in Texas in the position I was in not that long ago,” she said. On the other hand, she wants to raise her daughter with access to proper reproductive-health care, and though she realizes many women dont have the means to leave, she does. “As a mother, it feels very much like I have a responsibility to the safety of my child. Sacrificing your body to the Texas GOP is not worth it,” she said. “It doesnt matter how liberal Austin is. You still live in Texas.”
The People Fleeing Austin Because Texas Is Too Conservative
 
 
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Link: https://www.newyorker.com/news/dispatch/the-profound-defiance-of-daily-life-in-kyiv
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# The Profound Defiance of Daily Life in Kyiv
It was just after 1 *P.M.* The weather in Kyiv was about fifteen degrees Fahrenheit but felt far colder. The writer Peter Godwin and I were walking through the university district. To get warm, we entered the National Museum of the History of Ukraine, its lower windows covered with sandbags and plywood. Inside, the lobby had been transformed into an exhibit of recent artifacts of [the Russian invasion](https://www.newyorker.com/news/dispatch/kyivs-peace-is-destroyed)—street signs riddled with bullet holes, a childs pillow pierced by a bullet. In the light-filled stairway just off the main floor, pieces of shrapnel and Russian bombs had been hung from the ceiling, making a grim installation of rusted steel.
A guide approached. Her name was Svitlana. She wore skinny jeans and an orange faux-fur vest. We asked her if we could see the rest of the museum. She told us that much of the museum was empty, that the most precious of its eight hundred thousand artifacts were hidden, to avoid being looted by Russian forces. We asked if we could see the museum anyway. She called the museums press secretary and, after a few minutes of intense conversation, she got permission to give us a tour.
“But the cashier isnt here yet,” Svitlana said. She asked us to wait a few minutes, so we sat down on a bench in the lobby, next to a couple of Ukrainian women who looked to be in their seventies. They were bundled up in heavy down coats and rubber boots.
A few minutes later, Svitlana approached again.
“Im sorry,” she said. “There is an air raid. We must go downstairs.”
These days in Kyiv, news of air raids is more commonly communicated by smartphones than by sirens. We followed her to the basement.
Downstairs, a group of older docents were huddled together in a carpeted room used for childrens education. We sat with Svitlana in the adjoining hallway, brightly lit and covered in gray tile. The hallway was unheated, so we kept our coats on. We asked how long the air raids usually lasted.
“Sometimes an hour, sometimes two,” she said.
Her full name was Svitlana Slastennikova. She was in her thirties, with blond hair, a heart-shaped face, and an earnest disposition. Her fingernails were painted red and matched her phone case. Hunched forward on a bench, she opened an app that allowed her to track Russian missiles in the air.
She clicked her tongue. “Oh, its bad,” she said.
The technology is now so advanced that Ukrainian citizens can know, more or less in real time, where the Russian missiles are coming from and generally where theyre going. In this case, Russia had just launched some seventy missiles, headed to sites all over Ukraine. The assumption was that they were directed at power substations, meant to cripple the countrys electrical grid. Vladimir Putins recent strategy has been to knock out the power in the depth of winter in hopes of breaking the spirits of everyday Ukrainians.
So far this strategy has not worked.
“My friends and I, we have jokes about it,” she said. “At home I organize all my housework during the hours I have power.” She and her husband, a doctor who runs a private medical clinic, recently bought an inverter, which stores power when the grid is functioning. “Im ready to be without electricity, but not a part of the Russian world, you know?”
Svitlana was born in 1986, “the year of Chernobyl,” she said. Shes worked at the museum for thirteen years, but her work has grown more urgent since 2014. When the Russians invaded the Donbas and [annexed Crimea](https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/the-creeping-annexation-of-crimea), Ukrainians wanted to learn more about their history as a people, independent of Russia. Because she finds so many Ukrainians, and foreign visitors, confused about the distinct histories of Ukraine and Russia, Svitlana wrote, and is now translating into English, a lecture titled “Ukrainians vs. Russians. Why Are We Not Fraternal Nations?” It details the distinct history of Ukraine, going back centuries. “Were not the same people,” she says. “Ethnically, were totally different from Russians.”
For years, Svitlana had been giving tours inside the museum, but immediately after the [February, 2022, invasion](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/03/07/putins-bloody-folly-in-ukraine), the staff closed the building. Before the war, the museum employed about three hundred, but around twenty per cent of the staff left when the war started and have not returned. Now, on any given day, between fifty and seventy curators, guides, archivists and other staff members are on site, she says, and they have to fulfill their educational mission without many of the museums holdings.
“At the moment,” Svitlana says, “We have lectures, lectures, lectures.”
Meanwhile, Putin has made every effort to erase [Ukrainian identity](https://www.newyorker.com/news/q-and-a/vladimir-putins-revisionist-history-of-russia-and-ukraine). His troops have ransacked museums and churches, bombed schools and cultural centers, and have fed Russian-speaking Ukrainians in occupied regions a constant diet of propaganda asserting that Ukrainians are Russians, and always have been. Before the 2022 invasion, even Svitlanas own mother had believed some of the messaging coming from Moscow.
“When the Russians first invaded in February,” Svitlana said, “my mother told me, In one month we will be part of Russia. I said to her, You are insane.’ ”
This is part of the generational divide in Ukraine. Those who grew up in Soviet times are often more sanguine about Russian control, while those who grew up after Ukraines independence, in 1991, often look to Europe, not Moscow, as their past and future. The fierce resistance put up by Ukrainian troops, and the [atrocities committed by Russian soldiers](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/08/08/the-prosecution-of-russian-war-crimes-in-ukraine), have shocked many older Ukrainians.
“My mother, when she saw how wild these Russians are,” Svitlana said, “she changed her mind. These crimes being committed in the twenty-first century? Now she doesnt want to be part of Russia.” Her mother, like millions of Ukrainians, is fluent in both Russian and Ukrainian. But many people now choose to speak Ukrainian, even if they grew up speaking Russian. A few days earlier, Peter and I had joined a delegation from *PEN* America (where Peter served a term as president) that was highlighting [cultural erasure in Ukraine](https://pen.org/report/ukrainian-culture-under-attack/), and toured a library in [Chernihiv](https://www.newyorker.com/news/dispatch/the-siege-of-chernihiv) that had been hit by a missile.The second floor was largely ruined, but on the first floor, a group of women gathered for tea, biscuits, and lessons in the Ukrainian language.
Svitlanas phone pinged again.
“Oh, no. This is real,” she said. Her app had more detail now. The missiles appeared to be heading toward targets all over the country: west toward Lviv, Ternopil, and Khmelnytskyi, south toward Kryvyi Rih, and north toward Kyiv.
Peter and I were getting texts now from friends in Ukraine, telling us to get somewhere safe. In recent weeks, the danger was most acute near any of the power substations. Residents could either be hit by the missile itself or, more likely, by a fragment of that missile after the Ukrainian military had shot it from the sky.
But in our time in Kyiv, nine months into the war, we saw that life away from the front was going on with shocking regularity. The grocery stores were well-stocked and immaculate. Restaurants were full. The streets were crowded with people shopping, working, living. The nail salons were open. The tattoo parlors were open. Stores were bright with holiday decorations. Make no mistake, there were countless signs that the country was at war—checkpoints outside the city, rolling blackouts—but, also, throughout Kyiv, a profound defiance was evident in every packed café and gallery. Even the members of the museum staff, as wed been talking to Svitlana in the basement, were moving up and down the stairs, seeming unworried about the missiles in the air. A cleaning woman had been busy with the basements two bathrooms; she hadnt paused once since the raid began.
We heard the scuffling of footsteps on the stairs. A group of people trundled down, two adults and a teen-ager in a sweatshirt bearing the face of Johnny Depp. Theyd been outside and had come into the museum for shelter. They went into the carpeted classroom and sat next to a whiteboard featuring a handwritten time line of Ukraines history.
Online, we could see images of families massing in the subways of Kyiv. Built during Soviet times in anticipation of nuclear war, the subway stations are among the deepest in the world—some as far as three hundred feet below street level. I asked if Svitlana needed to check in with her own husband and kids. No, she said. She already had got word on her phone that they were sheltering in place. Her kids school had a basement they used during raids.
“They started practicing before the invasion began,” she said, “I didnt approve of this. I thought it was scary to the kids, to have them doing these drills.” Like so many Ukrainians, Svitlana didnt think the invasion would actually happen—even when a hundred thousand Russian troops were amassing at the border.
Her son is twelve and her daughter is five, and by now theyre used to the drills. Her children play games while they shelter in place. At the beginning of the invasion, Svitlana had taken her kids west for a couple of months, but now that the fighting has moved to the eastern front, she is content to stay in Kyiv. With every Ukrainian victory, more residents of the city have returned from elsewhere in Europe and the western part of the country. “I cant imagine living in Poland. Living in some gymnasium,” she said. Her husband, like all men between eighteen and sixty, is barred from leaving the country anyway.
 
 
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# The Promise of Pyer Moss
[spring fashion](https://www.thecut.com/tags/spring-fashion/) Jan. 30, 2023
Kerby Jean-Raymond was one of fashions most celebrated young designers. Then what happened?
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/4c2/1e8/62ad1babae4d4272593616d1cab3499a8a-Paper-Monday---Kerby-v2.rhorizontal.w1100.jpg)
**On September 10, 2015,** [Kerby Jean-Raymond](https://www.thecut.com/2020/09/pyer-moss-cathy-horyn-the-lost-season.html), the designer of the then-little-known two-year-old brand [Pyer Moss](https://www.thecut.com/2020/09/pyer-moss-cathy-horyn-the-lost-season.html), opened his runway show at the Altman Building on 18th Street with a 12-minute film titled *This Is an Intervention.* It featured graphic cell-phone and body-cam footage of police brutality against Black men, including shootings, and interviews with relatives of those killed.
Invited to sit in the front row were Oscar Grants mother, Sean Bells fiancée, and Eric Garners daughter, while some fashion people had been told to literally take a back seat — in the second or third row. When the show began, the models wore white Doc Martens, some covered in fake blood and others inscribed with Garners last words, I CANT BREATHE; neck cuffs that evoked choke holds; straps; and uneven, torn-looking, disheveled clothing, as if the models had been tossed around by someone, perhaps the cops. Artist Gregory Siff spray-painted the garments with BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE during the show. The film ended with: FOR MORE INFORMATION AND INSIGHT, OPEN YOUR EYES.
It shocked the fashion world, which is better known for producing, and selling, superficial fantasies of perfection and privilege than for engaging in political commentary. For Jean-Raymond, who had started Pyer Moss in 2013, it had been a risk he felt compelled to take. Black Lives Matter was founded in 2013 as well, following the acquittal of George Zimmerman, and the ubiquity of camera phones had made videos of deadly interactions with the police available for everyone to see. When the news came out, thanks to an interview he did with the Washington *Post*s senior critic-at-large Robin Givhan, that Jean-Raymond was making the film a part of his show, his first venue canceled. Several fashion insiders refused to attend when they were demoted from the front row, and many of his potential buyers were not pleased. But the show made Jean-Raymond a star.
Covering him was an opportunity for the fashion press to feel relevant. He was a noisemaker with something to say, a good interview and headline. At a time when cancel culture and the act of calling out brands were emerging as influential forces, even white people understood that his critique of the exclusionary fashion world was valid. He attracted the support of Anna Wintour and other members of the fashion Establishment, who eager to prove that it was inclusive. Reebok started an ongoing, successful partnership with the brand. Black celebrities and politicians allied with him. Wearing Pyer Moss meant you stood for something: Michelle Obama wore a Pyer Moss blazer on *The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon* in 2018. Lena Waithe wore a custom Pyer Moss suit to the Met Gala in May 2019. Kamala Harris wore a Pyer Moss coat on the eve of her inauguration in 2021. For the Black community, it felt as if one of its own was finally breaking barriers on the communitys terms — no code-switching, no making themselves small, no following the rules.
Ten years in, Jean-Raymonds star has only risen. He hangs out with celebrities (Tracee Ellis Ross, Brent Faiyaz), made a cameo on *Insecure,* and drives flashy cars (a McLaren 720S, an Aston Martin Superleggera, a Porsche GT3 RS). Meanwhile, his brand is nearly nonexistent.
There is no Pyer Moss boutique. The clothing celebrated on the runway was mostly not available to anybody who didnt have a celebrity stylist to pull it for them, and company insiders complained that quality control was so uneven that at times what was produced was too flawed to be sold. Jean-Raymond sometimes missed deadlines, didnt always pay bills, started other projects, and alienated allies. He referred to Pyer Moss as an “art project” and seemed reluctant to make practical choices. Among the fashion insiders who had cheered his rise, there has been a growing feeling that he has wasted an opportunity to build something important.
The last straw for many of his early supporters was his couture show in July 2021. Titled “WAT U IZ,” and put on in the U.S. during Paris Couture Week, it was a tribute to the various innovations that Black people have been responsible for, often without credit. The models came down the runway decked out in a jar of peanut butter and a traffic light. A lot of it wasnt really clothing, much less couture. Even if the professional critics and other members of the fashion press seemed hesitant to publicly express their disappointment, they whispered among each other that hed lost the plot of his brand.
“The media becomes so enthralled, and some of them get infatuated, and what it does is it causes problems for a creative person because it makes them think they can fly,” said activist and model Bethann Hardison, who encouraged Jean-Raymond early on. “Its not the artists fault or the designers or the brands fault, but the media brushes underneath them and pushes them so high that everyone is buying it. But me being a garment girl, Im still looking for the basics because you still have to sell clothes.”
Since the couture show, not much has been heard from Pyer Moss. Theres no shopping function on its website, the last Reebok collection dropped last fall, and the brand is no longer working with its PR company of over five years, the Hinton Group, which had so carefully helped Jean-Raymond build the sort of heroic press most small designers could only dream of. Over email, Jean-Raymond expressed surprise that anyone would think poorly of his brand. “I feel a huge sense of responsibility to everyone who believes in me and what Pyer Moss has come to represent,” he wrote. “Pyer Moss means everything to me.”
It is understandably very difficult to make a small independent designer into a sustainable business these days. And yet the notable level of anger and resentment toward Jean-Raymond, especially among those in the Black fashion community who thought he was changing the game, is an especially vivid example of the dangers of overpromising. “For a lot of black designers and designers of color, theres this added pressure,” says Givhan. “Youre not just doing it for you, youre doing it for the community. And if I dont get it right, will there be another opportunity?” In his first decade as a designer, Jean-Raymond has failed to play by fashions most basic rules: provoke, yes, but use the attention to make and sell clothing.
The spring-summer 2016 collection made him a star. Photo: Fernando Leon/Getty Images
**Born in** **East Flatbush,** Kerby Jean-Raymond was raised by his father, who had emigrated from Haiti to Brooklyn in the early 80s and worked as a cabdriver and, later, an electrical technician. Kerby had a tough upbringing: His neighborhood was one of the most violent in New York and had been an epicenter of the crack epidemic. His mother died in a house fire during a trip to Haiti when he was 7, and he spoke often about how badly he was treated by his stepmother, who gave her own son Christmas gifts while he got nothing. He lost several friends to gun violence and the prison system, and, like many young Black men, he had a number of terrifying encounters with racist cops.
Jean-Raymond didnt hide his vulnerabilities, often leaving people, even those doing business with him, with the urge to protect him. “If you spend time around him, its very clear that theres something wrong, or something that happened to him in the past, all of the signs of someone who was just trying to hold on,” said one former employee.
Jean-Raymond knew he wanted to be a fashion designer early on, after falling in love with Dennis Rodmans Nike Air Worms. He was eager and ambitious from the start. At 13, he got his first after-school job at a sneaker store in Flatbush called Ragga Muffin. At 14, while attending the High School of Fashion Industries, he landed a design internship with Kay Unger, a local womenswear designer who produced Georgina Chapmans Marchesa, where Jean-Raymond later interned. At 15, he launched his own fashion line, Marys Jungle, backed by $150 from Unger. He then did freelance design for Marc Jacobs, Theory, Kenneth Cole, and Badgley Mischka. Before Pyer Moss, prompted by his opposition to the war in Iraq, he started a T-shirt line printed with slogans like WE WONT FIGHT ANOTHER RICH MANS WAR.
After graduating from Hofstra University with a business degree, Jean-Raymond worked at AT&T, among other places, before deciding to pursue fashion full time and launching his own brand. An initial investment of $35,000 from his former business partner Rayon Baker helped him start Pyer Moss in 2013. The name referenced his late mothers maiden name as well as the name of a cousin of hers, who was already in the U.S., that she had used on her green-card application. The company started out offering just menswear, which took inspiration from motocross and samurai. Rihanna wore one of his leather jackets, but most of his first runway models were white.
Brittney Escovedo, an early employee and the co-founder of Beyond8, the production company for all of Jean-Raymonds shows, said that at first, the designers focus was on making Pyer Moss a serious fashion brand. For Jean-Raymond, that meant not being too outspoken, casting thin white models, and focusing on themes that didnt necessarily relate to him personally but appealed to the general public. There was, by all appearances, little emotion. “I dont really believe that was 100 percent who he was,” said Escovedo. “He was throwing these things against the wall, and they werent sticking in a real way, so when it came to the Black Lives Matter show, I think he was fed up. It was his way of expressing his creativity in the most authentic way possible.”
In February 2016, his fall collection put a spotlight on Black mental health with buttons attached to jackets and commander caps that referenced self-medication through drug use: ACID, BOOZE, LSD, MOLLY. He ended the show with a model carrying a sign down the runway that read MY DEMONS WON TODAY. The line was taken from the last message posted by MarShawn McCarrel, a Black Lives Matter activist who had committed suicide earlier that month. It was Jean-Raymonds first show to be covered by *Vogue* Runway, a coveted accomplishment for any fashion designer. In September 2016, his spring collection, “Bernie vs. Bernie,” made a statement about privilege and wealth and was the first show in which he integrated a live performance, this time by Cyrus Aaron and Austin Millz.
By then, Pyer Moss was getting regular coverage from all the heavy hitters: fashion critic Vanessa Friedman at the New York *Times, Vogue,* Givhan, Fashionista, *Womens Wear Daily, Harpers Bazaar,* and Cathy Horyn at the Cut*.* All were coming around to making the same point: Jean-Raymond was doing something interesting. He was up next.
“He was rolling in at a time when it was very good that someone like him was coming along, and people were very excited by not only what he was doing but the way he looked, the way he spoke, everything,” said Hardison.
In November 2017, Jean-Raymond announced that he had landed an 18-month contract to design Reebok by Pyer Moss. “It was important for me as a Black man to usher in Black creatives,” said Damion Presson, the global-entertainment-marketing director at Reebok at the time. “I feel like the footwear industry is a culture that profits immensely off of Black culture, and I thought it was important to help uplift and get some of these designers that dont necessarily have the same notoriety as the bigger names. I told Reebok if Anna Wintour and all these write-ups in these other fashion outlets are in support of Jean-Raymond, why wouldnt we get onboard?”
Reebok seemed to make the right bet. In 2018, Pyer Moss won the CFDA/*Vogue* Fashion Fund Award. The winner of the award gets $400,000 and mentorship from a fashion executive to help them develop as a business. Jean-Raymonds mentor was Laurent Claquin, head of Kering Americas, the luxury-retail conglomerate behind brands like Balenciaga and Gucci.
What made Pyer Moss stand out was in part Jean-Raymonds tenacity in doing things his own way. He was determined to control his message and prevent it from being co-opted. After he used some of the Reebok money to buy out his original backer, the company became independent. “As soon as I felt like I had enough of a cult following, I was like, *I dont need to abide by the rules,*” Jean-Raymond said in a 2020 *Surface* profile headlined “The Free Agent,” a nickname bestowed on him by Claquin.
He refused to follow the typical show schedule, which meant there were no specific seasons associated with his collections and no consistency around when to expect new clothes from the brand.
“The energy dissipates quickly, and if you dont capitalize, you get caught on spending way too much and making little to nothing,” says Joseph Ferrara, an adjunct professor of marketing at NYU and co-founder of Resonance, a technology company that helps fashion brands with production, who worked with Pyer Moss.
Still, Jean-Raymond was gutsy. He wore a T-shirt that read IF YOU ARE JUST LEARNING ABOUT PYER MOSS, WE FORGIVE YOU during a meeting with Wintour in which he showed her his collection. For his CFDA/*Vogue* Fund competition show, fashion editors were forced to come to Brooklyn … in the rain, no less. The outdoor show, titled “American, Also. Lesson 2 — Normal,” held at Weeksville Heritage Center, in a neighborhood founded by freed slaves in the 19th century, featured a performance by a gospel choir with music curated by Raphael Saadiq. The choir was one of his trademark gestures speaking to his authenticity. Members of the Centers staff complained they werent invited, nor were residents of the neighboring Kingsborough Housing Projects, though Jean-Raymond had promised an invitation and free clothing — “a total lie,” said a former employee. Meanwhile, the $300 hoodies reading WEEKSVILLE NEW YORK Jean-Raymond sold bothered some staffers of the nonprofit. “Its just a slap in the face to us; the Weeksville community are not folks who can spend $300 on a sweatshirt” when the center needed money, one noted.
Three years after his Black Lives Matter show, “American, Also” celebrated Black leisure. The artist Derrick Adams, whose work is suffused with everyday Black joy, collaborated on the pieces. Jean-Raymond was making a point: As he told the *Times,* “You know what we wrote on the mood board in the design studio as our takeaway for this collection? We wrote, Black people like muffins and *Seinfeld* too.’”
Forgoing the fashion calendar, Jean-Raymond took a full year after winning the CFDA/*Vogue* Fund Award to put on his next show. It took place at Kings Theatre in East Flatbush in front of an audience of 3,000. Brent Faiyaz opened the show accompanied by a 90-person choir; *Stranger Things* actor Caleb McLaughlin walked the runway; and celebrities including Normani, Tracee Ellis Ross, and Quavo showed up. The show, titled “Sister,” was an homage to Rosetta Tharpe, the queer Black woman who invented rock and roll, with cropped jackets hemmed with piano keys at the bottom and guitar silhouettes. It was a collaboration with Sean John (which, under the direction of Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, was the first Black-owned brand to win a CFDA award). The show reportedly cost $400,000 to mount.
“It was like a Black family reunion,” said Stefanie Tomlin, the former general manager at Kings Theatre. “It was so Black. It was so central and core to Black culture and who we are. I felt like it was representative of me — I felt like it was representative of us.”
**From left:** The spring 2020 runway show at Kings Theatre. Photo: Sean Drakes/WireImagePyer Moss Reebok sneakers. Photo: Fernanda Calfat/Getty Images
**From top:** The spring 2020 runway show at Kings Theatre. Photo: Sean Drakes/WireImagePyer Moss Reebok sneakers. Photo: Fernanda Calfat/Getty Images
**According to insiders at Pyer Moss,** the brands 2018 Black leisure collection was never produced for sale. But some of the looks appeared on red carpets, worn by celebrities such as Gabrielle Union-Wade and Laura Harrier, and in fashion editorials, like one on Refinery29 featuring Yara Shahidi. The 2019 collection was designed with the help of Christopher John Rogers, who went on to win the 2021 CFDA Womenswear Designer of the Year Award for his own work. That was seen by many critics as one of Pyer Mosss strongest collections, and the clothes showed up on the red carpet on people like Lexi Underwood and Jean-Raymond himself. But Jean-Raymond and Rogers didnt continue to work together, and the collection was sold only in very limited quantities on the brands website.
Jean-Raymond also used his runway collections to pay his respects by collaborating with celebrated Black fashion brands that had paved the way for him: Cross Colours in February 2018, FUBU in September 2018, and Sean John in September 2019. Aside from one T-shirt from the Sean John collaboration, none of these garments ever went into production.
More and more, it seemed that Jean-Raymond, the amazing showman with big ideas, had only limited interest in doing what it took to make and sell clothes.
To these critiques, Jean-Raymond is defiant. “Fashion houses often use shows as opportunities to display creativity, and not everything from the runway makes it into production,” he noted in an email. “I dont know why we would be held to a different standard. We are a ten-year-old fashion brand that regularly sells from the runway clothing and other items, including bags, sneakers and footwear. Its our business.”
The 2021 Pyer Moss Met Gala after-party at Juniors in Brooklyn. Photo: David X Prutting/BFA.com and Jojo Korsh/BFA.com
**But for some, the minuscule** output presented a mystery. As Joseph Ferrara said: “Where is the product that were associating with this awesome story?” For those who joined the company believing, as one put it, “hes like this god, and you go there thinking were going to change lives,” the work became increasingly frustrating.
“Im a designer — I dont need another designer around me,” Jean-Raymond said in a 2018 interview with the New York *Times.* He is, in fact, not a trained designer, which isnt rare in the fashion industry. He also insisted on running both the creative and business sides — there was no Robert Duffy to his Marc Jacobs, no Giancarlo Giammetti to his Valentino.
As a result, people who worked there say, decision-making was haphazard and eccentric, and the environment often felt high-handed. He didnt like for employees to set out-of-office messages on their email accounts when they were out of the office. (“That was offensive to him because were not a corporate company,” said a former employee on the design team.) Jean-Raymond wouldnt invite staffers to meetings if he felt he couldnt trust them, even if those meetings were necessary for them to attend in order to do their jobs. Another former employee on the design team pointed out to Jean-Raymond that the brands price points and quality didnt align. (“I mean, Conway and Rainbow have better stuff,” the former employee told me.) After that exchange, this person started getting pulled off calendar invites. “It just didnt really feel like a team atmosphere,” another member of the design team said. At times, workers werent allowed to make eye contact with Jean-Raymond and had to “earn” privileges to speak to him.
According to several insiders, the design process often felt like “gaslighting” when Jean-Raymond would deny asking for things he had asked for or would rush things that “he didnt want us to spend time on fitting,” saying the designers were making it all too “complicated.” The craftsmanship suffered. Staffers recall that he could be paranoid: He was convinced the baby-blue pleated dress that opened Givenchys September 2018 show copied the pleated skirts from his September 2018 show, though they debuted only a few weeks apart. He would constantly compare himself to and put down other designers, including Virgil Abloh.
“One minute, if youre listening to him, were best friends; he loves me. Wed go over his house and hed say, Im gonna introduce you to Beyoncé,’” said one former employee. “But if youre like, I dont think you should do this, then it was like, I hate you, you dont believe in my business, you dont believe in what were doing, you dont trust me.’”
In May 2021, Jean-Raymond let one of his executives and best friends, who had no background in design, take over a collection that a designer was working on. When the samples came back, nothing fit right (“You couldnt even get it over your head,” said a former employee.) Former designers say this happened repeatedly. Jean-Raymond denied this, saying that he was the only designer on the collection and that “we sometimes receive samples that dont have the correct fit, but this is true across the industry and is just part of the process of making things.”
A couple of months earlier, the brand had released a video series called “Always Sold Out” about people really wanting to buy Pyer Moss but finding that everything was unavailable. One film, titled *Production and Persuasion,* featured Tracee Ellis Ross on the phone yelling at factories to produce clothing for the brand, asking them how they were treating their workers, and bribing them with cheesecakes.
According to several people with firsthand knowledge, cheesecakes wouldnt have helped much. Pyer Moss was often late in paying factories and, as a result, did not have good relationships with them. Contrary to what the Pyer Moss website implied, often when items were listed as “sold out,” it was due to very limited stock rather than high demand.
A look from Pyer Mosss couture show. Photo: Cindy Ord/WireImage
**In February** 2021, Jean-Raymond was invited by the Fédération de la Haute Couture et de la Mode to show. Usually, that would mean in Paris, during Couture Week, but instead he chose to do it 3,500 miles away at Villa Lewaro, originally the home of beauty mogul Madam C.J. Walker in Irvington, New York. According to a former employee, Jean-Raymond got the opportunity to present a couture show through connections at Kering. The brand pulled strings even though Pyer Moss had never done couture nor did its business seem ready to support a couture line, but the gamble made sense: The status that comes with being the first Black American designer at Couture Week would make history.
Usually a couture show takes a year to prepare, at the very least six months, but insiders told me the design team started making prototypes less than two months ahead of time. (Jean-Raymond says “sampling began” in April; the show was in July.) The sewers were still finishing items the night before. “Something this big requires so much development. I had to find someone to make a gigantic sandal. Those arent the kind of things you could just find with a phone call,” said Wendi Williams-Stern of Studio Unbiased, an L.A. company that specializes in couture tailoring, who worked on the show. Jean-Raymond said he wanted to disrupt haute couture, but the pieces Pyer Moss put on the runway looked more like costumes for a school pageant.
“Youre looking at 25 different projects that need to be done in two months, and all we really got to start was looking at images — there werent, like, prototypes at first,” said Williams-Stern. “The pieces could have been a little better if we had more time.”
A week before the show, several employees warned Jean-Raymond of the likelihood of a rainstorm the day of the show. He insisted that they stick with the scheduled date. “Its not gonna rain, youre so negative, youre always so negative,” a former employee recalls him telling the weather-worriers. “So then everyone just went with it. At the end of the day, Jean-Raymond does what he wants to do; hes the one who has the final say.”
It did pour on the day of the show, but people still showed up to support Jean-Raymond and wait out the storm, and eventually the event turned into an impromptu party. “It became sort of fun. Kerby comes out of nowhere, and he starts handing out little joints, and the musics good underneath that little tent. It was a moment that you would never remember, and it became memorable,” said Hardison. Then, at the request of Jean-Raymond, the team put on the same exact show two days later, and a lot of the same people came out again. People were always rooting for him. That decision added significantly to the cost. “The collection was expensive because we had to mount the show twice due to rain,” said Jean-Raymond. “It was hard. We had to repair the ruined set and do our best to salvage the samples. It turned out to be a beautiful experience that created a lot of coverage and excitement for the brand.”
Jean-Raymond was blowing through his money. According to several employees, Kering had by that point dedicated millions of dollars to Jean-Raymond, partly via Jean-Raymonds incubator program, Your Friends in New York, and partly via an investment in Pyer Moss. Some staff thought that while it was noble that Jean-Raymond wanted to help bring up young creatives, it seemed a bit ambitious to start a program giving other designers advice when he was having a hard time keeping Pyer Moss afloat.
The money Kering invested in Pyer Moss wasnt always put to good use, according to company employees who watched it come in and go out. Some was used to pay old bills and overdue invoices. Much of it went to the development of multiple collections that never came to fruition. It was used to throw spur-of-the-moment parties and helped fund a documentary about the brand. It was used for a company trip to Joshua Tree for team bonding during which Jean-Raymond flew in a shaman to guide an ayahuasca ceremony. “To suggest that we used funds inappropriately is wholly false,” Jean-Raymond said. “Designers and employees often receive an annual trip to Paris during market. During the pandemic, we went to Joshua Tree instead because Europe wasnt open for U.S. travel. This is where we did a majority of the design for the couture collection.”
Jean-Raymond was known for having a camera crew around, an arrangement some compared to being on a reality-TV-show set. “He forced everyone to get micd up,” one former employee remembers, “and he thought it was great to overact on-camera.” What Jean-Raymond described as “an investment in the marketing of the brand” didnt go entirely as planned. “The film was not delivered in the creative direction that we … agreed on, so we decided to finish the film with another agency,” he said, which led to some disagreement on what should be paid. “We have since found an amicable solution.”
At one point, according to several former employees at Pyer Moss and a former Kering employee, Kering executives voiced concerns about just where their money had gone. According to a Kering spokesperson, no formal process to find out was ever enacted: “There was no audit, nor was one requested. There is no change in our relationship with Kerby, Pyer Moss, and Your Friends in New York.”
In December 2021, Jean-Raymond laid off most of his team; several employees said they were let go with no severance. They said Jean-Raymond told them the company was shutting down and had no more money, only to hire two more rounds of employees (and then fire them) right after. He claimed he was going to Dubai to find investors and told the employees the company “would love to work with us in the future” and that they “would hear from them at the start of the year.” The former employees never heard back. (Jean-Raymond denied ever firing people because he couldnt afford to pay them.)
Theres no denying that Jean-Raymond pushed the boundaries of what a fashion show could be and created space for other designers of color to make bold statements and explore their identities. In an email, Anna Wintour praised “Kerbys talent and vision, not to mention the way he constantly questioned the fashion system” and stressed that “fashion has for him been the perfect medium for his restless, questioning mind.”
But many people wanted more from him than an interesting art project. They wanted him to run a business. Thats what makes his trajectory so frustrating for the people who had the power to help him, who wanted him to win.
“A lot of people go in really excited to work with and be involved with a brand that feels like its connected to culture and community and wants to give back,” said a former design-team member. “This is the higher message that everyone has associated with the brand. However, once you are inside, you realize theres nothing to be a part of because its not real.”
Jean-Raymond hired another team between March and April 2022, including designer Andre Walker, who didnt stay for long. According to a former employee, Pyer Moss was having trouble paying factories for samples — Jean-Raymond denies this — and was trying to repair its relationship with Kering. “I didnt feel comfortable moving things forward with a lot of factory vendors that I knew we couldnt pay for. So I would get pricing and do all of everything but putting anything into production,” said a former employee. “It does feel like I was there and did nothing.”
Jean-Raymond had plans to show again during Paris Couture Week, but he eventually realized he couldnt afford it. In August 2022, he laid off his newly hired team, keeping only his personal assistant and one other employee, telling them the brand had no more money and he couldnt make payroll.
Pyer Moss had a lot stacked against it. Smaller brands almost always lose money. They lack the scale of production of larger brands, and for the entirety of Pyer Mosss existence, the old department-store and boutique systems that once supported upstart companies were in crisis. (RIP, Barneys New York.) And the pandemic upended production, delivery, and supply chains. Givhan says most brands that are the same age as Pyer Moss arent yet profitable, “but the thing with him is it just didnt seem like there was a route to making money.”
Yet there is also a playbook of sorts for making it: Create what industry insiders call a “hero product” that enough people could buy to sustain the larger business.
Telfar is a good example of this strategy. The brand, founded by Telfar Clemens in 2005, started to hit over $1 million in sales after its shopping bag became popular in 2017. Prior to that, the brand was pulling in only $100,000 in sales per year.
In April 2022, Pyer Moss had finally launched its own collection of handbags and shoes and announced it to the *Times,* which dutifully hyped it with the headline “The Next It Bag?” Prices ranged from $200 for a wallet to $1,800 for a small purse. The line was made in Italy; Francesca Bellettini, chief executive of the Kering-brand Saint Laurent, whom Jean-Raymond told the *Times* he considered his “fairy godmother,” made the connection. According to the article, it was something of a revelation that he could do more than create a performance; he could make clothing that sells. “Bottega Veneta sells clothes and has shows,” he said. “Chanel sells clothes and has shows. Pyer Moss was known for shows, but people are going to get their basics from somewhere, so they should have the option to get them from us.”
Jean-Raymond was advised by his finance and design teams that the brand should start at a more realistic price point and place an order for a small amount from the factories to test how the accessories sold. He ordered over $2 million worth of product, much of it still sitting in the office today.
As one employee put it, “Fashion is a hard business to make real money in, but what was so frustrating and disappointing is that you get this huge investment, which is the dream for so many designers, and you blow it on dinners and Airbnbs and bullshit.”
To date, the only hero product Jean-Raymond has successfully produced is himself.
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The Promise of Pyer Moss
 
 
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# The Radical, Lonely, Suddenly Shocking Life of Wang Juntao
After years of resisting Chinas regime, an exile confronts murder and espionage in Queens.
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/bcb/bde/a2449d523e6ec74f2bfb30725a31215be2-ChineseDissidents-NEW.rhorizontal.w1100.jpg)
Wang Juntao in 1976 and today. The text references his first, “unforgettable” term in prison. Photo: Alex Hodor-Lee; Courtesy of Wang Juntao (archive)
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A few days a week, Wang Juntao, a primary organizer of the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests and one of the worlds most renowned Chinese dissidents, travels from his home in New Jersey to his office in Flushing. He drives to the train station with the cheapest parking, then takes the path to the LIRR to Main Street, emerging to the whiff of fish and cigarettes and the roar of planes making their final approach to La Guardia. Skirting a stretch of street vendors and Falun Gong practitioners, Juntao cuts up 41st Avenue toward the weather-beaten headquarters of the Democratic Party of China, the organization he has led for more than a decade, dedicated to the overthrow of the [Chinese Communist Party](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/01/china-economy-property-bubble-reopening-zero-covid.html).
New York has the greatest number of exiled Chinese activists in the world, and Flushing is the effective headquarters of the *minyun —* the movement for democracy in the Peoples Republic of China. The cause, which counted thousands of adherents in the period after Tiananmen, has dwindled in recent years to include perhaps a few hundred active dissidents. Juntaos office is not a glamorous space. Located above a noodle shop and an internet café, it has boxes piled in the entryway, and the bathroom doubles as storage for the old-school tools of protest: megaphones, signs, paintbrushes.
Juntao usually sits in a folding chair at the head of a long table covered in fraying plastic. At 64, he is impish and disarming with a prominent comb-over and an even more prominent paunch. When I went to see him in Flushing recently, he pulled back a curtain to reveal shelves of wine and liquor and offered me a cup of red. “Im a professional revolutionary,” he said in a heavy Beijing accent. “You have to drink, you have to fight, you have to be tough.”
Being a dissident is “a miserable life,” Juntao told me after a couple of rounds. When he still lived in China, the Communist regime put him in prison twice, and for decades hes had only limited contact with his family to spare them official harassment. “The Chinese government hijacks your relatives,” he said. “If you love them, you have to pretend not to love them.” In Flushing, some of his fellow activists were now in their 70s and 80s, and every time they gathered, there seemed to be another empty seat. Meanwhile, the news from China brings constant reminders of the Communists increasingly authoritarian rule, from internment camps in Xinjiang province to mass surveillance powered by facial-recognition technology. For almost three full decades in exile, Juntao has kept alive the dream of a democratic revolution in China, but he is no closer to seeing it realized.
This past March, Juntao was hit with back-to-back shocks. His closest friend and colleague in the *minyun*, Jim Li, whod been by his side since before Tiananmen, was murdered. Two days later, another intimate member of their circle, Wang Shujun, was arrested by the Department of Justice and accused of spying on dissidents for Chinas intelligence service. (Juntao and Shujun are not related.) When I first visited him, Juntao was reeling, trying to make sense of the killing and the alleged espionage. For months, he indulged a cloak-and-dagger theory that the two crimes were related. But even as he mourned, he remained optimistic about the push for Chinese democracy. His life, he said, has had “four ups and three downs.” Even if the movement was at an ebb, it was only a matter of time before the political tide changed. “When its down, you cannot make a difference,” he said in August. “But you can make a difference in yourself. And the difference in yourself will determine if youll have a chance when its up.” Soon, he predicted, President [Xi Jinping](https://nymag.com/tags/xi-jinping/) would lose enough support that he would face a backlash.
In the Chinese diaspora, that kind of faith is rare. Many would call it quixotic. In October, Xi secured an unprecedented third term as president, seeming to extinguish hopes of reform in the near future. It also seemed to validate a strategy favored by a new, postTiananmen generation of activists: to abandon the idea of a widespread uprising and focus on more realistic goals, like persuading western companies to cut ties with factories in areas where ethnic minorities are being persecuted.
Then, incredibly, Juntaos prediction came true. In November, after ten residents of an apartment building in Ürümqi died in a fire, the Chinese internet lit up with accusations that Xis stringent “zero COVID” policies had made it hard for them to escape the blaze. Protesters filled streets across the country, from the industrial city of Zhengzhou to the elite Tsinghua University in Beijing. Some called for Xi to step down. It was fearless rhetoric of a kind nearly absent since Tiananmen, and shocking to anyone who has watched China embrace growth over political liberty and seen it crush dissent.
The rallies belied everything the cynics and incrementalists thought they knew. Young protesters were waving signs and appearing maskless in front of police, risking their freedom and maybe their lives. Even more astonishing, the demonstrations seemed to work. Within ten days, the strongest authoritarian government in the world reversed course on one of its signature policies, abruptly easing lockdown restrictions.
Juntaos platitudes about keeping the democratic flame alive during the darkest hours suddenly felt true. And while political analysts were careful to note the limited scope of the civil disobedience, a new generation had learned the lesson Juntao has spent his life trying to impart: that change is always possible. The next time we met, in late November, he was buoyant, calling the eruption a “turning point.”
He only wished Jim Li had lived to see it.
Wang Juntao in Times Square. Photo: Alex Hodor-Lee
Juntao grew up privileged on the campus of a Beijing military academy where his father was a high-ranking official. His name means “billowing wave of the army,” and he imagined that one day he would be a great military figure. “I dreamed of leading the Chinese army to defeat West Point graduates,” he said. Juntao was 7 when the Cultural Revolution began in 1966, and he waved flags and sang songs as a dutiful Little Red Guard. But he also had a contrarian streak, devouring romantic *wuxia* epics in which wandering knights perform heroic deeds against daunting odds. In 1976, when a reported one million people filled Tiananmen Square to mourn the death of Zhou Enlai and criticize the so-called Gang of Four that had battled him for control of the government, Juntao led his high-school classmates in joining the demonstrations. Many of the protesters posted poems in the square, and the four Juntao put up are considered some of the most famous. One of them read, in part: “I swear to slaughter the traitors to fulfill the wishes of my elders / Armed with high spirits, I have no fear of knives or axes.”
His poems angered several members of the Communist elite, including Mao Zedongs wife, and Juntao was jailed for 224 days *—* one for every word. He told me he was “proud” and “excited” to spend his senior year in prison, recognizing the value of notoriety. “I realized I would be very special,” he said. He saw it as an opportunity to learn about aspects of society that were closed off to most people, and the other inmates showed him that it was possible to live outside the system, independent from the party. “I learned a lot from those criminals,” he said.
It was a thrilling time to be a young democrat in China. After Deng Xiaoping began introducing market reforms in 1978, glimmers of liberal experimentation appeared: Villages began holding elections, and newspapers started investigating corruption. Peking University was the center of this political ferment, and after enrolling there to study nuclear physics, Juntao quickly established himself as a campus leader. By 1986, he had become a celebrity activist, and he took his organizing to Wuhan, where a friend introduced him to a law instructor named Jim Li.
Jim*—*who then went by his Chinese name, Jinjin *—* also came from a family loyal to the Communists. Before they took over in 1949, his father had been a tailor. By the time Jim was born, in 1955, he was a teacher at the police academy of Hubei province on his way to becoming a department head. For a time, it looked like Jim would follow in his fathers footsteps. He enlisted in the army at 15, serving as a telegraph operator, and later joined the Wuhan police department, assigned to catch pickpockets on city buses. But his politics changed at the Hubei College of Business and Finance, where he studied law and wrote a thesis on the U.S. Constitution. A professor who worked on Chinas 1982 Constitution *—* which introduced reforms like term limits*—*showed him that changing the system was possible. Jim returned to Wuhan to teach, and upon meeting Juntao, he recognized a fellow idealist. They loved debating and drinking. Juntao was brash and provocative; Jim was serious and diligent, a scholar with a temper that could erupt unexpectedly.
Juntao and Jim soon moved to Beijing. Juntao helped start a think tank and staffed it with political scientists, economists, and statisticians *—* a bold new example of civil society existing independent of the [Communist Party](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/do-republicans-know-what-communism-is.html). Jim, who was lean and handsome with thick, expressive eyebrows, pursued a doctorate in law at Peking University, where he was elected president of the graduate-student body, a position that put him on the fast track to Party leadership. “If he had not joined the Tiananmen movement in 1989, his future would have been limitless,” a fellow activist told me.
In April 1989, after the death of Hu Yaobang, a liberal Party elder who had championed many of the countrys free-market reforms, students flooded into Tiananmen Square to demand wholesale change: accountability, due process, democracy. The protests lasted for weeks. As the crowds grew, Juntao, who was all but living at the square, began mediating between protesters and the government. He was a moderating force, ultimately trying to negotiate a deal in which the demonstrators would evacuate in return for the Party granting more independence to student publications, among other concessions. Meanwhile, Jim was working to organize a union called the Beijing Workers Autonomous Federation. Aside from a group that had briefly operated in Taiyuan years before, it was the first independent labor organization in the country. “Our old unions were welfare organizations,” Jim told a young New York *Times* reporter named [Nicholas Kristof](https://www.nytimes.com/1989/05/26/world/upheaval-in-china-tide-turns-toward-chinese-hard-liner.html). “But now we will create a union that is not a welfare organization but one concerned with workers rights.” Jims alliance scared Beijings party elite: That same month in Poland, a similar coalition had successfully negotiated for reforms with the Communist government.
On June 3, Jim got on his bike and headed toward Tiananmen for another night of protests. On the way, he heard gunshots and saw students running in the opposite direction, some injured and bloodied. The [Chinese military](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2015/09/china-shows-off-its-military-in-huge-parade.html) had opened fire on protesters, killing hundreds. Jim turned back. A memoir he wrote in 2009 offers no further details.
Juntao tells his account of the atrocity sparingly, too. “Im sick of talking about the past before I get to the future,” he said. “I have to focus on what Im doing now.” That night in Beijing, he was waiting to meet a friend at a hotel when word came of a shooting, and he asked his driver to take him to the scene. He saw wrecked cars and a protester whod been shot dead. He spent the next few days trying to arrange escape routes for activists, then changed his clothes, permed his hair, and fled the city.
After the massacre, the Communist Party rounded up as many protesters as it could. Many escaped the country, but thousands were arrested and an unknown number were executed. Jim was caught after a few days and sent to prison in Beijing on charges of “counterrevolutionary propaganda and incitement.” In 1991, after 681 days behind bars, he was released when the government decided not to prosecute. He sold real estate and taught at small schools for two years, until the authorities allowed him to leave the country, along with his wife and son, and attend Columbia University.
Juntao spent four months after Tiananmen on the lam, working under a fake name at a factory in a small mountain town. After his arrest, Premier Li Peng said at a Politburo meeting that Juntao “must be shown no mercy.” Prosecutors accused him of being one of the “black hands” manipulating the Tiananmen protesters and charged him with “plotting to subvert the government.” A show trial resulted in a sentence of 13 years for him and a colleague, Chen Ziming *—* the longest of anyone involved. “Its an absurdity,” a Western diplomat told Kristof, who wrote about the case for the front page of the *Times*. “They needed somebody to blame for millions of people marching on the streets, and in public its come down to blaming these two guys.”
In prison, Juntao contracted hepatitisB that went untreated for months. He agitated for proper medical care, writing letters to top officials and staging repeated hunger strikes. The authorities put him in solitary confinement to prevent him from influencing fellow prisoners, but it didnt work: The other inmates regarded him as a “king,” he told me. Even some guards treated him with respect, calling him “No. 2.” (Chairman Mao was No. 1.) Juntao sent holiday cards to his interrogators, writing, “I think of us as friends, not enemies.”
In 1994, after relentless petitioning by his then-wife, Hou Xiaotian, and international pressure on China to improve its human-rights record in exchange for trade privileges, Juntao was let out of prison early to seek medical treatment in the U.S. He immediately took a flight to New York and was so excited to begin his new life that he didnt sleep for 24 hours.
Jim Li at Tiananmen Square in 1989.
At Columbia, Jim found that the celebrity of his Tiananmen activism afforded him no great status. He and his family lived in an apartment near the university, and to make rent he delivered food for a Peking-duck restaurant. Later, they moved to the Midwest so Jim could get two degrees (a masters of law and a doctorate) at the University of Wisconsin; eventually they settled in Queens, where they crammed into a one-bedroom apartment, sleeping on a borrowed mattress.
Juntao spent three years at Harvard, where he earned a masters in public administration, then got another masters and a Ph.D. in political science at Columbia. When he and Jim finally reunited in New York, then in their late 30s, they picked up their boozy bull sessions, conspiring to influence Chinese politics from afar. Hou described the pair as “like brothers.” They lobbied members of Congress to support fledgling pro-democracy groups in China and to pass resolutions promoting human rights there. A [1995 profile in the Washington *Post*](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/magazine/1995/06/25/long-distance-dissident/e8301f9a-b8bb-4e49-a16b-311cd44326d8/) described Juntao briefing a group of representatives, including Nancy Pelosi, in a small room at the Capitol and laying out a complicated strategy to use the expected death of Deng Xiaoping to unite reformers within and without the Communist Party and trigger a democratic reckoning.
In Flushing, Juntao and Jim organized events commemorating the anniversaries of the Tiananmen massacre and met with visiting Chinese dissidents. They teamed up to create advocacy groups, including the Chinese Constitutionalist Association and China Judicial Watch, and joined many more; Jim wrote the charter for the Federation for a Democratic China. But as one similar-sounding organization after another was founded, with similar personnel and similarly vague aims, China grew exponentially more powerful, navigating its way from global pariah to iPhone-making, Olympics-hosting juggernaut. The dissidents of the *minyun* had fiery rhetoric, but with Democratic and Republican administrations alike looking past human-rights issues to encourage investment, they were shouting in vain.
Juntao and Jims ambitions began to diverge. Juntao was an absolutist, always calling for total victory over the Communists. In 2010, he created a new branch of the Democratic Party of China *—* an organization that had started 12 years earlier in Hangzhou, had been promptly banned, and was then claimed by at least half a dozen splinter groups in Flushing alone. Juntaos iteration grew to eclipse the others, with a shifting roster of a few hundred members. Juntao began organizing weekly protests in New York and D.C., leading “study sessions” for members to learn about democracy, and offering news analysis on Chinese-language talk shows. His office became a clubhouse and de facto social-services center for new immigrants. He dispensed advice about where to live, how to find a job, and which lawyers were most dependable. “Im their priest,” he said. “I give them faith.”
Jim remained deeply opposed to the Communists. (Juntao recalls that Jim once saw an old couple dancing to a traditional Communist song in Chinatown and yelled, “Go back to China, fuck you!”) But his true calling had always been the law, not politics. He started a legal practice in Flushing on a shoestring budget and soon developed a reputation as a rigorous attorney specializing in immigration, asylum, and sensitive “Red Notice” cases protecting clients from being extradited to China. But he was a bad businessman, hiring friends and family and taking on too many cases for free. To attract more paying clients, Jim began attending social events hosted by a “hometown committee” *—* an organization friendly with the Communist Party. When his dissident allies objected, Jim told them, not very convincingly, that he was trying to influence the groups politics from the inside.
Within a few years, he had saved enough to buy a house in Jericho, Long Island, and taken up skiing and golf. When his parents immigrated, Jim bought a house for them, too, on a leafy street in Flushing. Jims father, bitter that his sons activism had hurt his career, often warned him not to do anything “against China.” Jim would reply that he was working not against China but against the Communist Party. Either way, Jim grew more moderate as he got older. In 2006, he co-founded the Hu Yaobang & Zhao Ziyang Memorial Foundation, an organization dedicated to persuasion and reform, not revolution.
Jim also drifted to the right in U.S. politics. He voted for Donald Trump, largely because of his aggressive stance on China. On January 6, 2021, Jim posted on Twitter a video of the [insurrection at the Capitol](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/2021-insurrection-aftermath.html). He condemned the violence but objected to media descriptions of the crowd as a “mob.” “When students occupied the Square in 1989, the Communist Party said they were thugs,” he wrote in Chinese, adding, “Today we are not trying to overthrow the American Constitution, we are just expressing it.”
Jim in 2020. Photo: Jim Li & Associates
For younger Chinese activists, the Tiananmen generation is no longer the vanguard. In September, I went to Washington to visit Jewher Ilham, a prominent young advocate for Uyghur rights. On the fourth floor of a modern office building on K Street, Ilham, who is 28, explained how she helped persuade more than a dozen fashion brands to stop sourcing their products from Xinjiang province, where the government has reportedly operated forced-labor camps. “Some of them freaked out, like, Oh my God, what should we do?’ ” she said. “Either for ethical reasons or because theyre smart enough to see theres a global trend thats coming.”
Ilham, who works at the Worker Rights Consortium, left for the U.S. in 2013 after her father, the economist Ilham Tohti, was detained by police at the Beijing airport. Shes since campaigned for his release and the fair treatment of Uyghurs, whose suppression by the Chinese government the U.S. has called a “genocide.” When I mentioned the 1989 generation, she grew reticent. “I think we work separately,” she said diplomatically. “Theres a gap.” Some pro-democracy leaders have questioned aspects of the Uyghur-rights movement. Wei Jingsheng, who led the influential Democracy Wall movement in Beijing in 1978, has suggested, spuriously, that the Uyghurs have committed genocidal acts of their own; he has been accused by Uyghur activists of parroting Communist talking points about their history.
Other younger dissidents are concerned more with practical, day-to-day issues than toppling the Party. At the McDonalds on Flushings Main Street, I spoke with Yang Zhanqing, 44, a leader of the “rights defense” movement, which focuses on protecting Chinese citizens from land seizures, sex-based discrimination, and police abuse, using Chinese law to push back against the government. Yang and his cohort keep a purposely low profile. Whereas Juntaos crew shouts in Times Square every weekend, Yang asked me not to mention details of his groups recent activities, fearing retaliation.
The Trump era only widened the rift between the *minyun*s old guard and the youth. Teng Biao, a human-rights activist and professor at the University of Chicago, says that many older dissidents support Trump because they adhere to a “conservative brand of Western liberalism.” Having come of age under Mao-style socialism, when enemies of the regime were labeled “rightists,” they came to associate the right with virtue and to conflate progressive ideas with authoritarianism. Now, when Teng goes out to dinner with friends, he says, “we have to consider, Oh, this person is a Trump supporter, this person is not. Thats a big harm to the dissident community.”
A young Chinese feminist activist I spoke with did not even want to be mentioned in the same article as the *minyun*. “We dont see those people as our role models,” they said. The generations may share some experiences of being persecuted by the Communists, they explained, “but if theyre expecting us to learn from them *—* no.”
The activist also rolled their eyes at the old guards relative disinterest in progressive causes like racial justice. When I asked Juntao about Black Lives Matter, he said he supports the idea but is concerned about “security”: “If you tie the policemans hands, then criminals get their chance.” Countless American-born boomers have fallen out of ideological step with millennials and Gen Z; its that much harder for those speaking U.S. politics as a second language.
But the *minyun* needs fresh blood to survive. That is why, early last year, when a young woman arrived in Flushing eager to join the movement, Juntao and Jim gave her a warm welcome.
In January 2022, a 25-year-old named Zhang Xiaoning showed up at Jims office and asked for a meeting. She said that shed been raped by a police officer in Beijing and that when she filed a complaint, the government covered it up and put her in a mental institution. Zhang got out and flew to the U.S in August 2021. Shed been trying to bring attention to her ordeal, protesting in front of the U.N. and the White House. Now she needed a lawyer to help her apply for political asylum.
Jim was sympathetic but wary. Zhang seemed to have “emotional problems,” he wrote in a memo. But untreated mental-health issues are common in China, and while there were some discrepancies in Zhangs story *—* in some paperwork, she complained of “sexual harassment” instead of rape *—* Jim trusted her. He agreed to take on Zhangs case for free.
Over the coming weeks, they met several times to work on her asylum application, and Zhang acted more and more strangely, according to Jims memo. She asked whether Jim felt guilty about participating in the pro-democracy movement, given the “pain” it had caused his family. The memo goes on to describe Zhang emailing him complaining about other members of the *minyun* and calling them dogs; one evening, according to the memo, she phoned Jim nine times, then sent an email calling him a “loser.”
Zhang was living at a hostel on Kissena Boulevard in Flushing, sharing a room with several other women for around $450 a month, according to a fellow lodger named Victor. She had few possessions *—* a handful of plastic bags and a coat *—* and almost no money. She didnt use her real name when interacting with roommates, instead calling herself “An-An.” Victor heard from the landlord that she was obsessed with Jim Li, showing pictures of the lawyer to her roommates and landlord and saying she was in love and wanted to marry him. (Jims first marriage ended in divorce, and he later remarried. I never saw any evidence that he was romantically involved with Zhang.)
On February 18, Zhang told Jim that the rape story was false. Shed heard of such things happening to other women, she said, but it hadnt happened to her. Jim said he could no longer represent her. Zhang begged him to reconsider. Now that shed publicly denounced the Communists, she would almost certainly be persecuted if she returned to China. In New York, shed already been harassed by officials from the Chinese consulate, she said, and back home the Party had been giving her parents trouble. Having fabricated her case to boost her chances of winning asylum, she was now facing deportation — a worst-case scenario.
Zhang returned to Jims office repeatedly to try to change his mind. On March 11, she lost her temper and allegedly tried to strangle him. An employee called the police, but when they arrived, Jim asked them to let Zhang go. Later that day, Zhang called Juntao, almost crying, and asked for help. Theyd spoken once before, and she knew that he and Jim were close. During an hour-and-a-half-long conversation, Juntao reassured her that she could make amends. All she had to do was bring Jim a dessert and apologize, he said, and the lawyer would come around.
Juntao also suggested that Zhang join a protest he was planning for the next day. In Times Square, they met in person for the first time. Zhang was slight and nervous-looking, with rimless glasses. Wearing a blue face mask, she stood in front of a TKTS sign, raised a fist, and chanted, along with Juntao and a couple dozen others, “Free, free China! Democracy China!” At one point, Zhang removed her mask, exposing her face to the cameras. Juntao took it as a sign of her commitment and felt a surge of pride.
The following Monday, March 14, Juntao was driving when a friend called to say that Jim had been attacked. Juntao pulled into a parking lot and called Jims phone. No one answered, so he tried the office. Someone picked up and told him in a shaky voice that Jim was “gone.”
Zhang had shown up at Jims building that morning carrying a cake and saying she wanted to apologize *—* just as Juntao had suggested. Jim invited her into his office. A few minutes later, the secretary heard them arguing, and then a shout. She opened the door to discover Jim in his swivel chair, covered in blood, with Zhang standing beside him holding a knife. Another employee charged in and restrained her while the secretary called 911.
Jim was pronounced dead at the hospital. The next day, Zhang was charged with his murder.
Wang Shujun. Photo: Alex Hodor-Lee
The days following the homicide were filled with bewildering developments. Before Zhangs arraignment, a crowd of journalists and onlookers waited for her to exit the police station. As she passed the cameras, someone yelled, “Do you regret what you did?” Zhang shouted back, “Youre the ones who should feel regret!” As police wrestled her toward a waiting car, she called her critics “traitors” and accused them of “killing students.” Her meaning was obscure, but many assumed she was blaming the *minyun* for the deaths of Chinese citizens killed by soldiers in 1989.
On March 16, Juntao visited Jims office, taking in the large brown bloodstain on the carpet and laying flowers at a makeshift shrine. Jims employees told him they had found a strange clue: a couple of flags Zhang had left behind, representing China and the Communist Party.
At almost the same moment, federal prosecutors in Washington held a press conference to announce the arrest of five men on charges of harassing and spying on Chinese dissidents in America. Juntao knew one of them well: Wang Shujun, a kindly historian who served as secretary general of the foundation Jim had led. According to the Department of Justice, since 2005, Shujun had been collecting intelligence for Chinas ministry of state security about dissidents in New York *—* which, if true, would almost certainly have included Jim.
Shujuns arrest, combined with Zhangs perp walk and the flags, fueled wild theories about Jims death. “When the FBI was about to close the net on Wang Shujun and the foundation, Li Jinjin was suddenly silenced,” one Twitter user wrote in Chinese, referring to Jim by his Chinese name. A local journalist wrote a song speculating about a connection: “They tell the press its just a coincidence/But denying the link to the murder makes no sense.”
When I met Juntao for dinner one night in April, he said hed concluded that Jim was assassinated. “The dissident community has a consensus that this is political murder,” he said. Juntao said he believed the Party eliminated Jim because he was helping the U.S. government expose moles in the *minyun*.
The notion that Beijing ordered Jims killing is far-fetched. Nicholas Eftimiades, a former intelligence officer who studies Chinese espionage, said the odds of China sending an agent to assassinate an American citizen on U.S. soil are “pretty, pretty slight.” “If that was to become public, that would sink the relationship between the U.S. and China,” he said. “Theyre not stupid.” When I presented this argument to Juntao, he took the classic conspiracist line: *Thats what they want you to think.* If Zhang didnt behave like an assassin *—* attacking Jim after several people saw her enter his office with no evident plan for escape *—* that was just further proof of her professionalism.
Like any good activist, Juntaos superpower has always been his ability to see what others dont *—* to imagine the world as different from what it is. But that skill has a flip side. At one point, Juntao admitted that he can talk himself into believing what he wants to be true. “Sometimes people like me confuse subjective impression with objective reality,” he said. “If we believe something is true, its actually based on our hope, not on reality.”
The more theorizing I heard from Jims friends and colleagues, the more it started to sound like a form of grief. One reason his death hit the community so hard was that he didnt live to see a democratic China. Jims peers were confronting the likelihood that they, too, wouldnt see it in their lifetimes. They were mourning not just a friend, but also the cause.
After all theyd suffered, Jims death needed to have meaning. If it had been a state-sanctioned assassination, then he died for a reason. The hardest thing to accept would be that he had died at the hands of a disturbed maniac *—* in other words, for nothing.
Zhang, who pleaded not guilty, is detained at Rikers Island while her case progresses. She wrote me two letters, in perfect penmanship, declining to answer questions. But she did say she was disillusioned with the *minyun*. Its not hard to understand how someone in her position would be frustrated: Groups like Juntaos Democratic Party of China promise to help immigrants apply for asylum and trot them out in front of cameras to denounce the Communist Party. If their applications fail, they might well feel trapped and desperate, unable to live in the U.S. legally and unable to return to China.
Some of Juntaos dissident peers have argued that this practice of boosting asylum applications in exchange for party dues and donations — Juntao calls them optional “thank-you gifts” — exploits immigrants and sullies the purity of the cause. Juntao bristles at this criticism, saying that even if new arrivals join his group for self-interested reasons, he can still persuade them to embrace democracy. He likewise rejects the argument that his entire project has failed because the Chinese Communist Party still rules. “People blame us, saying China is still under the CCP. I say, Who do you think Iam? Im not a rainmaker. Im not a god,” he told me once, in a rare flash of anger. “If someone says, The CCP becomes stronger and stronger, I say, Your fault is much bigger than mine. I did my best, but you did nothing.’”
If theres no evidence that Zhang was a trained killer, the U.S. governments case that Wang Shujun is a Chinese operative is richly documented. So is the fact that the Peoples Republic cares deeply about the activist scene in New York and commits extensive resources to monitoring it. In 2020, the Justice Department charged a New York police officer with gathering intelligence on the citys Tibetan community for the Chinese government. (Prosecutors recently moved to drop the case, citing new, unspecified “additional information.”) In October, federal authorities accused a father and daughter living in Queens and on Long Island of participating in “Operation Fox Hunt” *—* a covert Chinese campaign to harass dissidents and other Chinese nationals and coerce them into returning to the mainland. And this month, the *Times* reported that the FBI had raided a suspected Chinese “police outpost” at a building on East Broadway, one of more than 100 such offices around the world that surveil the Chinese diaspora.
Shujun was always more scholar than activist. After studying military history at one of Chinas top academic institutions, he moved to New York in 1994. He published more than a half-dozen books of popular history, some of which sold well in Hong Kong and mainland China. In 2006, a dissident friend recommended him to serve as secretary general of the new Hu Zhao Foundation *—* of which Jim was also a founding member *—* and he accepted. According to the FBI, Shujun started collecting information about the activist community and passing it to Chinese officials. An indictment filed in May alleges that between 2005 and 2022, Shujun met with Ministry of State Security officers during trips to China, communicated with them on a messaging app, and shared information in the form of “diaries” hed save to an email-drafts folder that Chinese agents could access. The indictment alleges that this amounts to conspiracy and failure to register as a foreign agent, among other crimes. (Shujun denies the charges and many details of the FBIs account. His lawyer, Kevin Tung, said, “My client maintains his innocence and would like a judge to decide his case.”)
Some Flushing dissidents say they long suspected Shujun. “He didnt speak honestly,” said one, Edmound Jiang, who thought Shujun treated him too much like a celebrity when he arrived in the United States. “It wasnt natural. Im just a regular person.” (Not long after we spoke, Jiang fell and died.) Juntao also doubted Shujuns loyalty, partly because he traveled to China regularly and partly because he would ask about the nitty-gritty of *minyun* activities. “Nobody cares about the details except a spy,” Juntao said.
In 2012, Juntao shared his concerns with Jim. They were planning to hold a conference (“Deadlock, Breakthrough, and Chinas Democratic Transformation”) with guests invited from around the world, including mainland China. Juntao was worried that the Chinese government would stop some of them from leaving the country, so he told Jim not to share the roster with Shujun. According to Juntao, Jim brushed him off. When the guests applied for permission to leave China, they were rejected. Juntao suspects Shujun alerted the authorities. (Shujun disputes this account, saying he did not see the guest list and that any rejections had nothing to do with him.)
On July 31, 2021, while Shujun was staying at his daughters house in Norwich, Connecticut, a young man knocked on the door. According to the DOJs version of events, when Shujun opened it, the man said he was sent by “the boss” to deliver a message. Shujun invited him in. The man said “headquarters” wanted to warn Shujun that the FBI had been monitoring him, and offered to help him delete his “diaries” and other messages, according to the indictment. Shujun allegedly provided the young man with his passwords and told him to delete some of the diaries, but not so many that it would look suspicious. The young man *—* an undercover FBI agent *—* recorded the entire conversation.
Months elapsed, and Shujun was not arrested; then, two days after Jim was killed, he was. The Justice Department declined to answer my question about whether the two events were related.
On a sweltering morning in August, Iwent to Shujuns apartment in Flushing, where he is free on bail. In his dimly lit living room, he turned on a fan, set down three cups on a table beside me *—* coffee, tea, and room-temperature Pepsi *—* and sat in a chair directly opposite me, our knees almost touching. At times, he leaned in so far that our faces were only a foot or two apart. He spoke energetically, with large gesticulations, which, along with his thick black hair, made him seem younger than his 74 years.
The DOJs case is all a big misunderstanding, Shujun told me. Sure, hes met three of the four MSS officers mentioned in the indictment. And yes, he did have multiple lunches with one who was helping Shujuns son-in-law in Hong Kong collect debts. But he never accepted money from them, he said, and the information he shared was all public. (On this last point, the DOJ disagrees.) Plus Shujun emphasized that it was his job to spread the news of pro-democracy activities. Jim had encouraged Shujun to tell Chinese officials about their work, he said. “If Li Jinjin were still alive, hed be my biggest defender.”
To my surprise, Juntao defended Shujun. Even if Shujun was taking money from the Communist Party, it probably wasnt for political reasons but rather as “a business,” Juntao said. “Its the Chinese way,” he said. And anyway, Juntao said, hed rather have an informant be someone he knows. That way, “I control what kind of information they get.” He said he still considers Shujun a friend who supports democracy. I found Juntaos forbearance strange at first, but perhaps it makes sense for someone tired of losing friends.
Jims funeral in late March was an extravagant affair. Some 300 mourners gathered at the Chun Fook Funeral Home in Flushing, spilling out of the main room into the lobby, and countless wreaths and hand-painted poetry banners decorated the walls.
Juntao hung off to the side with a huddle of activists, grousing. Jims family wanted the ceremony to be strictly apolitical; in some ways, it even favored the Communist Party. The music was a dirge typically played at the funerals of party leaders, and at one point, a guest carrying a sign with the famous Tiananmen “tank man” photo was escorted out. A signed obituary circulated, listing Jims legal colleagues above the pro-democracy crew.
Some members of the *minyun* thought the sanitized occasion was an insult to everything Jim had believed. He may have lost some of his revolutionary zeal as he adapted to a life of home ownership and golf, but he still loathed the Communists. When Juntao went up to speak, he ignored the no-politics rule and gave a rousing eulogy praising Jims quest for freedom and justice, invoking the memories of fellow dissidents and imagining a day when they could hold a public funeral for all of them back in China.
Later, Juntao and his *minyun* colleagues held a second, explicitly political memorial. In an upstairs ballroom at a mall down the street from his office, they told stories about Jims activism in Wuhan and Beijing and how hed kept up the fight in the United States.
Absent from either ceremony was Jims elderly mother, who lived just a mile away. After some discussion, Jims friends and family had decided not to tell her that her son was dead. Instead, they told her he had gone abroad.
All summer and fall, week after week, Juntao held his usual rallies in Washington and New York, unfurling the same banners and chanting the same slogans. After the breakthrough COVID protests swept across China in November, we met in his office one last time. I asked if the burst of public dissent vindicated his long-term approach to change. Juntao replied that every generation has to come by its democratic awakening organically, often after some experience of repression. “Some ideas passed from us to them,” he said. “But they may not even know.”
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[See All](https://nymag.com/tags/china)
The Radical, Lonely, Suddenly Shocking Life of Wang Juntao
 
 
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# The Secret Weapons of Ukraine
## ON THE ROAD
The air-raid siren sounded again through the defiant city, but William McNulty refused to be bothered by it. After a long morning of meetings in Kyiv with Ukrainian partners in need of medical tourniquets and cold-weather clothing, the man had earned an afternoon nap. The air flowing through the hotel rooms open window nipped of brittle autumn, and sunlight was leaking through gray clouds; winter, as the Ukrainians liked to quip, was coming.
*Fuck it,* McNulty thought. The chances of getting hit by a drone strike in a city of three million people seemed low. A U.S. Marine veteran from Chicago whos served in Iraq and done humanitarian work in dozens of conflict and natural-disaster zones, hes grown numb to the frequent sirens that are now a mainstay of life in Ukraine. Since Russias latest invasion began in February of last year, hes traveled throughout the country, by train and van, to rural villages and the front, delivering supplies to those fighting at democracys edge. His nonprofit group, Operation White Stork, makes no quibble about supporting Ukraine in the war. Hes had his fill of messy wars and ambiguous purposes. He believes this is it, the real deal, the righteous cause that people of action always not-so-secretly crave.
![civilians train with military instructors at an abandoned factory outside kyiv on january 30, 2022 target practice with dark horse allies](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-008-1677011574.jpg?resize=2048:* "civilians train with military instructors at an abandoned factory outside kyiv on january 30, 2022 target practice with dark horse allies")
Target practice with Dark Horse Allies.
Benjamin Busch
Even altruists need sleep, though. So McNulty, forty-five, lay on his bed, shut his eyelids, and focused, as much as he could, on rest. Then came a strident hum. It cut through the sirens, then over them, braying and obnoxious, like a great lawn mower in the sky. It kept nearing and nearing. Then it passed directly over McNultys hotel.
“That was enough for me,” he recalls days later, as we drive somewhere along the black ribbon of highway between Kyiv and the port city of Odesa in the far south. He identified the noise as the engine of an Iranian-made Shahed kamikaze drone, one of many Russia has used to terrorize Ukraines civilian population over the past few months. He dared move only when the noise had faded out and there was nothing but air-raid siren again. To McNultys fortune, another target had been selected in Kyiv that afternoon in mid-October. “I headed down to the shelter room. Then we went out and ate at a nice Italian place.”
In the language of this new war, McNulty is a “volunteer,” one of roughly tens of thousands of internationals and local Ukrainians whove devoted themselves to supporting the resistance against the Russian military. The roles they play vary widely, from humanitarians like McNulty to social-media celebrities fundraising for military units. There are brash foreign fighters and humble food drivers and furtive gunrunners and ancient babushkas knitting camouflage ghillie suits in community gyms. Some are volunteers in the literal sense, burning through their savings to subsidize their work. Some earn a small stipend; still others are profiteers who see nothing wrong with benefiting financially amid a nations war for survival. Its proven dangerous work, too—in January, two British volunteers were killed attempting to evacuate an elderly civilian. In February, American Pete Reed, another Marine veteran, was killed when an antitank missile hit his ambulance. For all the differences in type and approach, the volunteer movement is unified by a core belief that this is a fight worth fighting, that Ukraine is worth defending.
![civilians train with military instructors at an abandoned factory outside kyiv on january 30, 2022](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-016-1677011639.jpg?resize=2048:* "civilians train with military instructors at an abandoned factory outside kyiv on january 30, 2022")
Freshly dug graves in Lviv.
Benjamin Busch
Its a belief I happen to agree with. In late February 2022, I joined two friends, fellow combat veterans, in Lviv, in western Ukraine. We spent two weeks training a group of civilians in combat basics and self-defense. It was a frightening and thrilling and inspiring experience, and then we returned home to America, to our families, as the war progressed and endured. Others went forward. With interest and perhaps a bit of envy, I watched the volunteers of Ukraine coalesce and organize through the summer and into the early autumn. Then, this past fall, I decided to go back, for three weeks, joined by one of the other trainers from February, Marine veteran Ben Busch. We wanted to see the volunteer ecosystem thats developed and to meet some of the people whove upended their lives for it.
In the White Stork van on the road, McNulty turns to look at me. He has stony blue eyes and the shaky, aid-worker gaze of those hyper-acquainted with injustice. The back of the van overflows with first-aid kits for Ukrainian army and Territorial Defense units well meet in the coming days. My narrow ass is wedged between boxes of decompression needles, chest seals, and hundreds of heavy-duty shovels. Getting the shovels to the front before the winter freeze is especially important. Its hard to dig trenches in ice.
“This wars weird, man,” McNulty says. “Changes every week. But not once have I asked myself, *Are we doing the right thing?*
We settle into a mellow silence. The van rolls smooth. Harvested fields of sunflower, wheat, and corn run along our sides. A falling sun traces them with clean light. For these minutes, here, the war breathes easy. For these minutes, here, the war seems faraway and calm.
Calm is a mirage. Its not the same as peace. But its also not a kamikaze drone.
---
***Field of Mars, Lychakiv Cemetery, Lviv***
*The blue and yellow bands of the Ukrainian flag wave in a soft breeze. A crying mother—sobbing, really—smooths the pebbles on her sons grave. I sneak a glance at the tombstone. Killed three months ago. An older woman tries to get the mother to stand. For many minutes the mother refuses to. A framed photograph leaning against the memorials cross shows a cheerful young man with big ears hugging a handsome rottweiler. I think of an American gold-star mother I know who once told me shed trade all the benches and highway sections named for her son for one more smile. Nearby, gravediggers and a priest linger. Four empty spaces await other sons of other mothers.*
---
## THE INTERNATIONALS
When we left Ukraine last spring, it was already clear that the country would be a beacon for foreigners of various stripes. Dozens upon dozens were massing along the Polish and Romanian borders, or gathering in western Ukrainian cities like Lviv, or already making their way to Kyiv, the capital, which was under assault and a personal obsession of Putin himself.
Some of these folks were who they said they were. Some were not. Some could provide critical skills and resources to the Ukrainian people and military. Some could not.
![e](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/1-1677011746.png?resize=2048:* "e")
“If youre still here in-country, more than likely youve found something,” says Jeremy Fisher, a U.S. Air Force vet who runs Dark Horse Allies, a nonprofit focused on training new Ukrainian military recruits and potential draftees. Nearly all of Fishers trainers are veterans of NATO militaries, and some fought in the preceding months on the zero line with Ukraines International Legion, a military unit composed of foreign fighters. “There have been a number of yahoos that came over saying, Im a military trainer, but they dont know what theyre doing.”
Fishers description of this natural process of attrition is echoed by Josh, an American who arrived in April and is serving in the International Legion. (Josh requested to not use his full name for security purposes.) A Marine veteran in his mid-twenties who served in Syria, Josh was seriously wounded fighting in a northeastern village in Kharkiv Oblast in late September by shrapnel from a Russian artillery round. I ask him about concerns that political extremists are going to Ukraine to gain battle credentials that they can utilize in domestic movements. “All those bitches got weeded out quick,” he says. “Maybe one or two have hacked it here and there, but if youre not here because you actually believe in this fight, itll show on the ground. Fuck them.”
Everyones story is different. Everyones story is a little the same. Certain traits and patterns recur as we meet more volunteers. Most are men, though not all. Many of the younger ones served during the tail end of the war on terror and didnt get the combat experience theyd anticipated or perhaps wanted. Some of the older ones sold their businesses or homes to sustain their work. More than a few are living off military pensions or disability checks. I stop tallying the number of divorces and separations.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a warning sign at a mined beach in odesa](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-014-1677011944.jpg?crop=1.00xw:1.00xh;0,0&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a warning sign at a mined beach in odesa")
A warning sign at a mined beach in Odesa.
Benjamin Busch
One can view this as a bit sad, even pathetic. Or one can regard their coming to Ukraine as an act of courage. Here they are, in another war zone, trying to pay it forward to others, because they believe they still have more to give.
“A lot of people around the world arent able to drop what theyre doing and come help, even if they want to,” says a Dark Horse trainer named Dean. Hes fifty-four, a veteran of the New Zealand army with paramedic experience, and now spends his days leading a basic-training course in the woods of western Ukraine. “I was.”
“I see this as my way to keep defending the United States—if not America exactly, then its ideals, what its supposed to stand for,” says Max Cormier, McNultys deputy at White Stork. Cormier is twenty-eight, a former U.S. Army airborne infantry officer with a surfer vibe, from the Tidewater region of Virginia. He appreciates the straightforwardness of their humanitarian work and the plainness of his directives: “Dont crash the van; deliver the goods.”
Cormier got a residency permit that lets him stay in the country for longer stretches to better help with the war effort. “A lot of people come here looking for meaning,” he says. “Some of us have found it.”
Were at a seaside restaurant in Odesa, watching dusk spill over glassy blue water. Skull-and-crossbones signs speckle the view; the beaches here were mined in case the Russian naval infantry tries to seize them. A few diehard locals still stroll across the sand with exactness. War will not stop their sunbathing. Cormier checks his phone. A delivery of medical supplies the next morning needs to be coordinated. And a post-work Tinder date before they push east is not out of the question. War cant stop Tinder, either.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine an air raid shelter in mykolaiv](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-001-1677012013.jpg?crop=1.00xw:0.938xh;0,0&resize=2048:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine an air raid shelter in mykolaiv")
An air-raid shelter in Mykolaiv.
Benjamin Busch
White Stork has delivered more than twenty-two thousand modern first-aid kits since last spring. As we travel the southern shoreline from Odesa to the Mykolaiv and Kherson regions, I see some of the Soviet-era kits that theyre replacing. One is stamped 1988. Its eleven years older than the soldier carrying it.
---
***Podil District, Right Bank, Kyiv***
*Souped-up four-wheel drives lacquered in camo paint rumble through every intersection. A giant billboard featuring the Rock drapes from one building, encouraging people to buy Under Armour. Nearby, theres a banner deman**ding* *the freedom of the imprisoned Mariupol Defenders. Theres a moon somewhere in the sky, but no one can see it.*
*To the hotel bar we go. Theres Wilson, sipping on a Jack and Coke, making conversation. He does this every night. Former mil, he says, an engineer by trade, and hes putting together a crew. For what? Hes not comfortable talking details.*
*One crew member is a South African named Black Pete. Black Pete gave himself that nickname to differentiate from a Brit known as White Pete, though Black Pete is also white. “Its funny to call myself Black Pete,” Black Pete says. Hes already drunk and bothering the clerk tasked with tending the bar. Later, a woman joins Black Pete. She appears to be a sex worker; he keeps insisting we call her his “associate.”*
*Nazar, our interpreter and guide, decides this scene isnt for Ukrainians. He excuses himself to call his wife.*
*A wounded legionnaire drinks with us. He raises his sweater without ceremony and we gaze upon his fresh wounds and listen to his war story. It is what young soldiers and old soldiers must do together. It is a good and true war story, and we buy him another round and toast to his bravery. Everyones trying hard to ignore Black Pete, even his associate, because he is distractingly loud. My friend Ben talks with Wilson in one corner. I huddle with a jovial Australian with a Santa beard. “Bullets are flying; the women are stunners,” he says.*
*“This is the dream.”*
---
## THE UKRAINIANS
The obvious good. The clear purpose. The value of empowering those on the ground level. These ideas come up over and over again in meetings with volunteers. Large operations like World Central Kitchen and UNICEF maintain a robust presence here. But most of the thousands-strong volunteer network is made up of much smaller organizations, consisting mainly of Ukrainians, a cobweb of decentralized connections that relies on personal referrals and loose, logistical partnerships.
![e](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/2-1677012092.png?resize=2048:* "e")
Sometimes volunteers find their group; sometimes the groups find them. Take Ihor, a middle-aged Lviv man who went to Bucha, near Kyiv, last April, right after the city was freed from Russian occupation, loading up a van with generators and fuel and driving straight into the maelstrom. What he saw there—rape victims, bodies being eaten by dogs—led him to quit his job and become a full-time supply driver for various charities. “Ive seen parts of my country Id never been to before,” he says. “And now I know war is worse than the books say.”
Then theres Ekaterina, a fitness director in Kharkiv who told her mom they werent evacuating no matter what and who now oversees the delivery of new and repaired vehicles to frontline units. Theres Alena in Irpin, a leafy, upscale suburb of Kyiv where the invasion was pushed back last spring. A fire-support captain, she fought in that battle. She says two things saved the Ukrainian military in those messy, confusing days: relentless artillery from Kyiv and “regular people in the community who grabbed a gun and fought.”
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine students drawings at a mykolaiv school](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-013-1677012139.jpg?crop=0.876xw:0.869xh;0.0518xw,0.0369xh&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine students drawings at a mykolaiv school")
Students drawings at a Mykolaiv school.
Benjamin Busch
Mykolaiv, in the south, is the first place we visit where the war feels like a tangible, active force. Artillery booms in the near distance. People here are twitchy and tense. The front line lies only a few miles from Mykolaivs city center. Its moving in snailish increments toward Kherson, two hours east, but moving. Kherson will be liberated in about two weeks. But now there are rumors the Russians may blow the river dam, flooding Kherson, rather than see it taken back by Ukrainian soldiers. Or that theyll deploy tactical nukes, or airborne Spetsnaz, or suicidal Chechens.
“Theres some electricity now; its not so bad,” Oleksandra Blintsova says of her native city. “When it was total black, I was walking around with a shovel to protect myself.” Blintsova, thirty-eight, volunteers for Heroes for Ukraine, a local nonprofit that emerged in the aftermath of the Russian invasion. She coordinates medical training for civilians, serving as an interpreter and assistant instructor for visiting military veterans who teach first aid and combat medicine. While walking us through Mykolaivs Chestnut Square, she points to some cruise-missile ruins in the squares interior. She says locals call it a gift from the Moscow Diplomatic School. “We will always laugh at them,” she says. “Then they cant control us.”
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a destroyed government building in mykolaiv](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-015-1677012235.jpg?crop=1.00xw:0.926xh;0,0&resize=2048:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a destroyed government building in mykolaiv")
A destroyed government building in Mykolaiv.
Benjamin Busch
During the first night of the invasion, February 24, Mykolaiv came under heavy shelling. Blintsovas husband had already been mobilized, so she brought their two young children, her mom, and an elderly neighbor to a shelter. There were maybe a hundred people hunkering there, and to both project calm and maybe even find some herself, she and a couple others started knitting together camo nets from old T-shirts and blankets. What began as a small act of defiance quickly turned into something more pragmatic. After camo nets came pillows and boot insoles, then ghillie suits. One elderly babushka proved especially adept at rolling homemade cigarettes for the local fighters.
In the subsequent weeks, Russian soldiers breached the outskirts of Mykolaiv, and some of their scout units penetrated the city proper. They couldnt hold it, though. By mid-April, all Russian ground forces had withdrawn from attempts on the city. But the war was still there, just miles away, and many Mykolaiv men like Blintsovas husband were still fighting it. So the supply center kept at it, homemade cigarettes and all.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine oleksandra blintsova, a volunteer for heroes for ukraine](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-002-1677012281.jpg?crop=0.634xw:1.00xh;0.259xw,0&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine oleksandra blintsova, a volunteer for heroes for ukraine")
Oleksandra Blintsova, a volunteer for Heroes for Ukraine.
Benjamin Busch
Blintsova takes us to a nearby school where a friend works as the principal. Most of the kids do remote learning, though a few classrooms have students in them, each child seated at a desk a brazen act of normalcy. “Our children say three words every day,” the principal says. “Peace, country, victory.”
Many experts on global politics believe that Putin has been hell-bent on this invasion, or something like it, for years. I cant help but wonder, there in the school, if hed perhaps have reconsidered had he a better inkling of Ukraines entrenched national pride and identity.
“My husband says he fights the Russians so our boys wont have to,” Blintsova says as we depart the school. “And maybe hes right. I hope so. But someday our boys will fight if they have to. And so will their boys. Because they are Ukrainian. And Ukraine belongs to Ukrainians.”
---
***Irpin, Kyiv Oblast, Hero City of Ukraine***
*“The last Ukrainian checkpoint was right there, by the mall. Giraffe Mall. Silly name. This is exactly how far the Russians got.”*
*Im tagging along on a guided tour for Western think-tankers and national-
security gurus. Were driving to the places made infamous by occupation and murder: Irpin, Bucha, the airport. To learn. To nod and consider. To bear witness to bravery and ruin and futility and aftermath. Theres enough of a cranky soldier still in me to find it all a bit ridiculous. The actual wars far to our east now. But hey, they came, I think. How many of their tribe never dare leave air-conditioned offices?*
*Someone asks about the Street of Death. Our guide shudders. “You can go there,” she says, pointing down the block, behind a set of damaged apartments. Months ago, she fought in Irpin. She knew the Street of Death when scorched cars and bodies blotted it. “I will not.”*
*“Were good, I think,” someone says. No one objects. Its an interesting thing, watching a womans combat bona fides burn holes into a cluster of male egos. We return to the cars and caravan to the next spot.*
---
**JOURNEYS THROUGH A NATION AT WAR**
Over three weeks last autumn, Matt Gallagher, joined by fellow veteran Benjamin Busch and their interpreter, Nazar, traveled across Ukraine to report this story. They saw firsthand that while the battlefields illuminate one facet of the war—the stalled advance of Russias invading forces—they obscure another: that the entire nation, across social, economic, and cultural lines, is engaging in the fight for its freedom.
![e](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/5-1677012958.png?resize=2048:* "e")
---
## **THE SEEKERS**
Let us speak plainly: Theres something odd about volunteering for a foreign war. The Americans who fought for loyalist Spain in the 1930s were later labeled “premature antifascists” for their efforts (a term they adopted as a badge of pride). Even after Pearl Harbor, fewer than 39 percent of U.S. troops who served during World War II volunteered for it. More than 61 percent were drafted.
Not every international we encounter in Ukraine is a lost soul. But some are. One person who requests anonymity goes into great detail about catching his wife in bed with a neighbor and buying a one-way airline ticket to Poland the following day. “Cant lie,” he says. “It was the most freeing fucking feeling.”
Redemption tours take many forms.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine burned out cars in bucha](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-006-1677012492.jpg?crop=1.00xw:0.986xh;0,0&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine burned out cars in bucha")
Benjamin Busch
Sam Cook, forty-five, has lived in Ukraine since 2018. He graduated from West Point, commanded a cavalry troop in Iraq, and first came to Eastern Europe to run a tech company. Hes since started Borderlands, a historical foundation, and now teaches a course on war and storytelling at a Kyiv university. Seeing this new wave of internationals discover the country he adores, he says, has been “a bit of a time warp.” Before the invasion, he and his Ukrainian wife were planning on raising their family in Kyiv. Nothing since has changed that vision, not even a missile recently striking a city park six hundred meters from their apartment. “Its kind of like the old Wild West,” he says. “People dont care who youve been, just who you are now and what youre doing.”
What about those with families back home? Only two people I meet say that aspect of their life continues to hold strong: Martin Wetterauer, chief operating officer of the Mozart Group, a donor-funded military-training organization, and Stephanie Willis, who works for New Horizons for Children, a charitable fund that specializes in supporting displaced Ukrainian orphans.
Wetterauer points to a long career as an officer in the Marines to explain his marriages success. He calls home more often from Kyiv, he says, than he did during various deployments across the Middle East, Africa, Bosnia, and beyond. (I later learn he may be home even more: In early February, the Mozart Group will reportedly collapse amid allegations of financial mismanagement.) And Willis is able to rotate back to the States every four to six weeks, which comes with its own challenges. “Some people dont even realize the wars still happening,” she says. “That can be a lot.”
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine amed khan, an american with deep pockets and powerful connections](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-003-1677012708.jpg?crop=0.661xw:1.00xh;0.185xw,0&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine amed khan, an american with deep pockets and powerful connections")
Amed Khan, an American with deep pockets and powerful connections.
Benjamin Busch
Another American I meet, also helping with orphans, is less a volunteer and more a benefactor. Amed Khan, fifty-one, travels through the conflict-
ravaged country looking for causes he believes in. Hes described to me a few times as “one of the most important Americans in Ukraine,” and not just by people hoping for a taste of his financial support. Theres a rumor Russia has put a bounty on his head. Khan demurs when asked about it. He doesnt deny it, either.
“This is not a matter of evil versus good. This is evil versus normal,” he says. “Its literally the defense of freedom.” A veteran of the Clinton White House, Khan later founded a private international investment firm and proved quite successful at it. In 2011, he purchased one of Andy Warhols celebrated *Mao* portraits, the one shot up by actor Dennis Hopper, for a cool $302,500. He detests the slow bureaucracy of large-scale humanitarian work, so he goes out and gives directly.
“If you fashion yourself a philanthropist, this is what you need to be doing,” he says, sharing anecdotes of rich and famous acquaintances hes cajoled into donating to war-relief efforts. We meet him in a fancy Odesa hotel, where hes staying a couple nights after working on the repairs to an area orphanage damaged by Russian shelling. A few weeks prior, he spent time in the recently liberated area of Kupiansk asking locals what they needed. There he met an abandoned German shepherd he took a liking to. No one there seemed in a position to take the dog. Jack Khan, so named to get the pet passport approved, now lives in Italy with opera singer Andrea Bocelli.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a destroyed car east of kharkiv](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-005-1-1677012766.jpg?resize=2048:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a destroyed car east of kharkiv")
A destroyed car east of Kharkiv.
Benjamin Busch
Theres world-weariness in Khans laughter and self-deprecation. Hes seen much more than your average rich banker has. There are also flashes of an old, hidden idealism. Hes helped to house Syrian, Iraqi, and Rwandan refugees over the past two decades and to evacuate thousands of Afghans since the country fell to the Taliban in 2021. “Im no fan of the military-industrial complex, but this is something that has to be done,” he says. “Theres a genocide going on.”
His money and connections make Khan different from most internationals in Ukraine. But there are a few commonalities. No partner or kids back home to complicate his globe-trotting or patronage—“What kind of jerk would I be if I was doing this with a family?” he says. And then theres this:
“They have something called a society here,” Khan says. “Nothing is bigger than it. It reminds me of the America I grew up in. It reminds me of an America I miss.”
Not every foreigner in Ukraine, though, has come to help orphans.
---
***Dnieper-Bug Estuary, Northern Coast of the Black Sea***
*A night on the water with drone hunters. “We have NATO lasers and American night vision,” one says, “but we do better without them. We get the radar from our phones. We listen.” He taps his ear. “Then we shoot.”*
Slapdash as fuck, *I think. But its hard to argue with success: This Territorial Defense team of a dozen has shot down three Russian drones over the past week, they say. Theyre armed with ten rifles, two pistols, and a Browning machine gun mounted to the back of a pickup truck.*
*I ask what they need. Too many supplies, they say, not enough weapons. What kind? All kinds. They have questions for me, too. Have I met Jennifer Lawrence? (No.) Has Elon Musks brain cracked? (Probably.) What the hell is going on with American politics?*
*“Our president is a Jew. Our governor is part Korean,” one says through the shorn dark. “How can we be Nazis? Who are these people that get tricked?”*
*Some indeterminate time later—minutes? hours? down the nocturnal well, who can say?—the lieutenant barks out in coarse Ukrainian. The drone hunters spread across the position like a wave, guns and ears arching toward the sky.*
*Shaheds are inbound.*
*Seconds drip into the still. The air smacks of chilly sea. Someone fidgets with the straps of their plate carrier. Someone else charges their rifle, and the black magic of the gun slams forward. Theres that clarity of purpose again, I think.*
---
## **THE BUSINESSMEN**
War is many things. An abomination. A proving ground. And also: a business. Theres money to be both made and found in Ukraine. Wars layers of white, gray, the beyond gray—theres green in it all.
For example, the HIMARS. Anyone who knows anything about Ukraine knows this mobile rocket-launcher system changed the trajectory of the war upon its arrival last summer. (“The sense of martyrdom went away,” Cook, the Borderlands founder, says. “It gave them hope that they could win.”) The U.S. government supplies HIMARS to Ukraine, but its Lockheed Martin that makes them, and not out of the goodness of its heart.
![e](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/3-1677013094.png?resize=2048:* "e")
Theres no clean binary between a pursuit of profit and genuine support for a free Ukraine. Yes, there are lines, moral and legal. Some are obvious, like U.S. International Traffic in Arms Regulations. Others are up to the beholder.
Steven Moore, fifty-four, moves both in volunteer circles and on the business side of the war. A former political operative whos been the chief of staff to a Republican congressman, he was between jobs and recently separated from his wife when Russia invaded. He had friends in Ukraine and wanted to help. Five days later, he established a safe house for fleeing civilians along the Romanian border. That safe house soon grew into a supply operation, and now Moore heads the nonprofit Ukraine Freedom Project.
When we speak over lunch at a Crimean Tatar restaurant in Kyiv, the groups focus has been food deliveries to people in need in Kharkiv and Donetsk Oblasts—more than two hundred tons worth.
“I want to stay here,” Moore says, “because I feel Ive been making an impact.” One way hes done that is lobbying. When a body-armor company run by a friend of a friend in Lviv ran into issues with its steel supplier in Sweden, he flew to Washington “and sat down with the lobbyist for the steel company,” he says. “She got me connected with the right people. Now these guys have a steady supply of steel.”
Moore is also a cofounder of HighCat, a German start-up thats currently testing (and marketing) combat drones designed to attack armored vehicles and artillery pieces with munitions from above. “Im the guy thats looking for funding.”
War enterprise with wing tips and half Windsors: a proud tradition. (Months later, after this story went to print, Moore emailed to say he and the German engineers had parted ways.)
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a soldiers kit](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-020-1-1677013133.jpg?resize=2048:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a soldiers kit")
A soldiers kit.
Benjamin Busch
The conversation reminds me of something a Ukrainian soldier told me a couple days prior, in a destroyed village near Kherson: “War is math. More dead Russians means more alive Ukrainians.”
There are the aboveboard hustles, and then there are the others. Such as: A prominent international trainer in the east establishes contacts in a local unit. He exchanges training for captured Russian equipment, which in turn is traded for new Western gear that can be sold. This all happens without official governmental sanction, Ukrainian or Western, because what kind of fool self-reports? And hey, goes the rationale, its peanuts in the grand scheme.
At the expat Irish pub in Lviv, I meet someone from a group Ive been told repeatedly transports weapons for various militias. He laughs when I try to get him to agree to an interview. Its not a friendly laugh. As a peace offering, he sends over a pricey whiskey.
“On me,” he says with a wink from across the bar. “I make more than journalists.”
---
## **THE LEGIONNAIRES**
In October, news broke that Conor Kennedy, RFKs twenty-eight-year-old grandson, had spent the summer fighting in Ukraine with the International Legion. “I liked being a soldier, more than I had expected,” he wrote of the experience on Instagram. “It is scary. But life is simple, and the rewards for finding courage and doing good are substantial.”
Russia slanders those who join the Legion as mercenaries and soldiers of fortune. They are paid by the Ukrainian government, its true—a base salary of about $630 per month, the same amount Ukrainian soldiers get—and qualify for prisoner-of-war status under the Geneva Conventions, according to *The New York Times*. Most every Legion company is commanded by a Ukrainian officer, a hard lesson learned after a bevy of ugly and disorganized incidents involving the unit early in the war.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine josh, a volunteer with the international legion, shows his surgical scar](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-012-1677013158.jpg?crop=1.00xw:0.913xh;0,0.0868xh&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine josh, a volunteer with the international legion, shows his surgical scar")
Josh, a volunteer with the International Legion, shows his surgical scar.
Benjamin Busch
Ukraines foreign minister said last March that nearly twenty thousand soldiers from more than fifty countries had volunteered to join the Legion. Whether that tally was accurate at the time, it is almost certainly inflated today, as legionnaires can come and go in a way Ukrainian fighters cannot.
A tangle of semi-independent militia groups also populate the terrain. Some are Ukrainian only, some international only, some mixed; Im told that all are task-organized to Ukrainian military commanders. A few hundred Americans have volunteered for direct action, best I can gather, perhaps more. At least eleven are reported to have died as of press time. A U.S. Army vet killed in May, Stephen Zabielski, was fighting with a group called the Wolverines, according to *Rolling Stone*. Another Army vet, Joshua Jones, was killed in August; hed fought with both the Legion and a Canadian-led militia known as the Norman Brigade. (Hopping units is not uncommon for international combatants.) Two other American vets, Alexander Drueke and Andy Huynh, were captured by Russian forces in June while fighting with yet another international unit known as Task Force Baguette. They were freed in September in a prisoner exchange.
Then theres the confusion of the actual battlefield.
This article appeared in the March 2023 issue of Esquire
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“If the Russians were anything other than hot garbage, we wouldve been fucking wiped out,” says Erik, a U.S. Army infantry veteran in his early thirties. (Erik requested to not use his full name for security purposes.) Hes recounting an operation east of Kupiansk, a small city in northeastern Ukraine that was liberated in September. When we meet, he and his friend Josh, the Marine veteran in his mid-twenties, are recuperating from injuries in Kyiv.
Both men arrived in Ukraine last April. They soon linked up with a squad of international military vets that was attached to a larger Ukrainian unit. After a few months of support operations, Josh says, “we figured out we were cash cows.” He explains: “The more foreigners you have in your unit, the more you can sell that to someone”—investors, journalists. “ ‘*This* is why I need all this gear; I have the guys who can use it.’ ”
The group walked, shopping themselves as a singular entity until they found a Legion commander who promised to use them for combat missions.
They got what they wanted in late summer, in and around greater Kharkiv. They found it a different type of warfare than theyd fought in Afghanistan or Syria. Suppression weapons like rockets mattered tremendously. Artillery and air support went both ways now. Night reconnaissance proved especially interesting, with one pair of night-vision goggles for the entire squad of twelve.
![e](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/4-1677013300.png?resize=980:* "e")
I ask how many in the Legion are capable fighters. I expect a low number in response but not as low as I get: 10 percent. “Its a zoo,” Josh says. “We did good work, but lets be real: Were grunts driving civilian cars.”
Septembers eastern counteroffensive presented an opportunity for the Legions regular line battalions to prove to Ukrainian senior command they could be relied upon. Its the same counteroffensive that brought Josh and Erik to Kupiansk and a little village beyond it known as Petropavlivka.
While clearing the village on foot, they came across a Ukrainian patrol that had pinned some Russians in a one-story building. Erik and a Ukrainian counterpart broke down the front door and tossed in some grenades, then Erik entered. Two grenades met him inside in return, spraying his body with fragmentation. A Canadian legionnaire dragged him to the bathroom, near the entryway, where they were able to maintain something like security because of the angles of the building. The Canadian applied two tourniquets—one to Eriks leg, one to his arm—in the bathroom while the rest of their squad tried to figure out how to get them out.
A Russian 122mm artillery round solved the dilemma for everyone. It landed near the building, putting the small-arms gunfight on pause. In the stunned aftermath, “my squad leader provided cover from the doorway while two guys drug me out,” Erik says. The round also sent shrapnel screaming along the buildings side, where Joshs team “ate the artillery blast.” At that point, he says, he started “poking myself and finding holes of blood.”
As for the trapped Russians, if any survived the artillery round, they were soon dispatched by a Ukrainian tank. Seven enemy bodies would eventually be pulled from the buildings wreckage.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine trench to an apartment building in kharkiv](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-004-1677013325.jpg?resize=2048:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine trench to an apartment building in kharkiv")
A trench to an apartment building in Kharkiv.
Benjamin Busch
Both men were medevaced. Josh immediately underwent surgery to remove shrapnel from his liver and lungs. Erik says hes still pulling fragment slivers from his leg and back. They begin to argue over minor details of the gunfight and their evacuation, who was where and when. They decide to settle matters by watching footage of the battle from one of their phones. Turns out, a drone had recorded most of it.
“Like watching yourself in a dream,” Josh says. He presses play.
---
***Freedom Square, Kharkiv***
*On the drive east, our interpreter Nazar shares news: His wife is pregnant. Joy amid ruin. He seems as starry-eyed and unprepared as any other new father, as it should be.*
*I cant be the only one in our rental car who starts thinking of the Ukrainian children being abducted and taken to Russia for forced adoptions.*
*We arrive to Kharkiv at night, walk the streets looking for a place to eat. The entire city is dark, traffic sparse. I have the sense were being watched as curfew looms.*
*Daylight in the grim city brings half buildings and rubble porn. We visit a mostly empty Freedom Square and guess at where the massive Lenin monument once stood. Protesters pulled it down nine years ago.*
*We return to the car and drive around. Artillery holes puncture groceries and proud little homes. A babushka rakes leaves. We stop. Ben takes some photos. Then we keep going. The potholes grow. The impact craters multiply.*
---
## **THE SURVIVORS**
We enter the tiny village of Tsyrkuny, northeast of Kharkiv and about eight miles from the Russian border, to the sound of hammers banging on wood. Restoration is underway, though its hard to see how the locals even knew where to begin. Trench lines run beside the dirt roads, and deep craters spot the drab landscape. Some houses appear untouched. Others look like a demented god reached down and ripped them apart just to see what would happen. Heavy artillery thumps away in the near distance, steady as a heartbeat. The occupation may have ended here, but the war hasnt.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a volunteer in mykolaiv demonstrates her homemade ghillie hood](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-020-2-1677013383.jpg?crop=1.00xw:1.00xh;0,0&resize=2048:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a volunteer in mykolaiv demonstrates her homemade ghillie hood")
A volunteer in Mykolaiv demonstrates her homemade ghillie hood.
Benjamin Busch
Post-invasion, Tsyrkuny became a refit area for Russian troops attempting to push into Kharkiv. They stayed until May, when the area was liberated. Artillery barrages continued through August, going both ways, and sporadic shelling still happens. The bleakness remains, but the worst has passed.
This is the end of the road for all the work of all the various volunteers, where all the relief effort is supposed to effect change. Some of it has. Residents speak of deliveries of food and blankets and generators. Perhaps its fitting they cant name the exact volunteer groups that have come.
Viktor, forty-seven at the time, and Natalya, forty-four, have lived in Tsyrkuny their entire lives. They raised both their sons here. We find them in their homes courtyard with her mother, Hanna. Theyre trying to figure out what to do with their large garden for the winter. It needs tending, but so much else demands their focus.
When the Russians first arrived in Tsyrkuny, the Ukrainian couple stayed because of her mother. Within a matter of days, one of their vehicles had been stolen and their house searched—local separatists arrived, too, and were looking for private guns. Computers were being taken from neighbors houses, cell phones confiscated and SIM cards removed. They looked around at what was happening and decided they couldnt linger. They packed up their other car and chanced a back-road drive to the city.
They made it. Not everyone did. One of Natalyas cousins was seized by the occupiers last spring. No one has heard from him since.
When Viktor and Natalya returned to the village in May, they found their home had been turned into a dump. All their windows and mirrors had been broken. Any electronics and other valuables left behind had been looted, and human feces covered the floor of one bedroom. Even the potatoes stored in the basement were gone.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine viktor and natalya with her mother, hanna, whose son aleksander was killed on the fifth day of the invasion](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-010-1677013421.jpg?crop=1.00xw:1.00xh;0,0&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine viktor and natalya with her mother, hanna, whose son aleksander was killed on the fifth day of the invasion")
Viktor and Natalya (with her mother, Hanna), whose son Aleksander was killed on the fifth day of the invasion.
Benjamin Busch
None of that mattered, though, not compared with their familys most significant loss. On the fifth day of the invasion, their older son, Aleksander, twenty-five, a border guard, died while on duty.
“We are not political people. Before the war, we avoided all that,” Natalya says. For most of our time together, she defers to her husband, but on this issue, she steps forward with resonant rage and sadness. The circumstances of their sons death remain murky, but theres no doubt she holds Russia responsible. “Now we hate them. We will never get over it. They broke our lives.”
Viktor works for the gas company, and Natalya hopes to resume her home flower business once spring arrives. As were shown around the village, Viktor stresses theyre better off than most, that they consider themselves blessed. Their faith has been tested, he says, but they know their boy is with God now. That matters to them. It matters a lot.
Their younger son is seventeen, studying in Kharkiv to be a history teacher. “What if hes drafted to fight, too?” I ask.
“Hell be a history teacher,” Viktor says.
Theres still no electricity in the village and theyve been told not to expect any through the winter. Viktor insists we follow his steps exactly; mines have been found in yards, and a neighbor down the street lost an eye to a Russian booby trap while cleaning out his own kitchen. A washing machine sits along the main dirt path, conspicuous as a zit, taken from a house but left behind in May by some panicked Russian. No ones claimed it, Viktor says. Not everyone has returned yet.
![local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a photo of aleksander, who was twenty five when he died](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/benjamin-busch-esq030122ukraine-009-1677013463.jpg?crop=0.632xw:1.00xh;0.237xw,0&resize=980:* "local and international volunteers support the resistance against the russian military in ukraine a photo of aleksander, who was twenty five when he died")
A photo of Aleksander, who was twenty-five when he died.
Benjamin Busch
Hanna approaches Ben with a handful of shrapnel fragments shaped like daggers. Theyve been wrenched from the walls and doors, remnants of the artillery pit behind the family garden. “We hear some dont believe,” she says. She means Russias war on civilians. “Take these and show them.”
Viktor and Natalya are rebuilding the best they can. Its a choice they make anew every morning. Theyve restructured their emotional lives, too, around their grandson, Aleksanders little boy. They already have a crib in the room hell stay in once the house is done.
The couple at first decline to share their last name. Which is normal enough. Before we depart, though, they come up, together, and say theyd like their sons full name to be published. To honor him, they say.
His name was Aleksander Shmalko. He was a son, and a husband, and a father, and he died defending Ukraine from the invaders.
---
***Old Town, Lviv***
*My last night in-country. One train between here and the security of NATO skies. Ritual is important, so I go back to the Irish pub and order a pint.*
*A young American and a one-armed Brit sit nearby. They ask who I am, where Im from. Im sick of veils, so I tell the truth. “Hey, Im from around there, too,” the young American says. Turns out, hes the much younger brother of an old friend.*
*Its absurd happenstance. Its also not. Certain people come to Ukraine. I should know that by now.*
*I remember this young man as a boy. Hes grown up, a military veteran himself, here to conduct medical training. He needs better supplies, though, he says. “There are some folks who can help with that,” I say.*
*His reasons for being here are both unique and universal. His colleague served in Mariupol. We spend the rest of the evening discussing the battle fought there and the battles still to come.*
*“How long you here?” I ask them.*
*Only now do I realize the futility of the question.*
![Headshot of Matt Gallagher](https://hips.hearstapps.com/rover/profile_photos/e5879484-05e1-4728-ae40-c7cf9d7ccfea_1565818759.file "This is an image")
Matt Gallagher is the author of the novels *Empire City* (2020) and *Youngblood* (2016), a finalist for the Dayton Literary Peace Prize. Hes also the author of the Iraq war memoir *Kaboom* (2010) and lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with his family.
 
 
---
`$= dv.el('center', 'Source: ' + dv.current().Link + ', ' + dv.current().Date.toLocaleString("fr-FR"))`

@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
---
Tag: ["Society", "🌐", "🚫", "Shaming"]
Tag: ["🤵🏻", "🌐", "🚫", "🫵🏼"]
Date: 2022-03-27
DocType: "WebClipping"
Hierarchy:
@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ In “[The Shame Machine](https://www.amazon.com/Shame-Machine-Who-Profits-Humil
Perhaps the most powerful shame machines of all are social-media companies, to which ONeil devotes the middle (and best) section of the book. If the quintessentially shameful scenario is one in which we are “seen, inappropriately, by the wrong people in the wrong condition,” as the philosopher Bernard Williams argues, then the Internet is the perfect theatre: online, almost everyone has an audience almost all the time, and social-media companies have every incentive to push Sacco and other bunglers into the spotlight. Stale debates about the interpersonal ethics of “cancel culture,” ONeil notes, have long overlooked the extent to which “digital titans, led by Facebook and Google, not only profit from shame events but are engineered to exploit and diffuse them.”
Since Saccos highly publicized wipeout, many have suffered a similar fate, in large part because of social-media fracases. In 2014, a British astrophysicist named Matt Taylor delivered a press briefing about the Rosetta mission while clad in a shirt depicting cartoon women in suggestive attire, a garment that turned out to be a birthday present from a female friend who had designed it. While Taylor was discussing his hand in devising the first spacecraft to land on a comet, many viewers fixated not on his accomplishment but on the sexism that his shirt supposedly evinced. Soon, #shirtgate and #shirtstorm were trending on Twitter. More recently, aggrieved TikTok users heaped abuse on a man dubbed West Elm Caleb, a furniture designer in the unfortunate habit of wooing and then ignoring women on dating apps. Commenters began by chastising him for his disrespectful behavior, but before long they were calling on his employer to fire him. Though very few people, if you buttonholed them, would advocate the sort of trial by TikTok that West Elm Caleb endured, social-media companies work to push paroxysms to the top of our feeds in defiance of our feeble scruples.
Since Saccos highly publicized wipeout, many have suffered a similar fate, in large part because of social-media fracases. In 2014, a British astrophysicist named Matt Taylor delivered a press briefing about the Rosetta mission while clad in a shirt depicting cartoon women in suggestive attire, a garment that turned out to be a birthday present from a female friend who had designed it. While Taylor was discussing his hand in devising the first spacecraft to land on a comet, many viewers fixated not on his accomplishment but on the sexism that his shirt supposedly evinced. Soon, `#shirtgate` and `#shirtstorm` were trending on Twitter. More recently, aggrieved TikTok users heaped abuse on a man dubbed West Elm Caleb, a furniture designer in the unfortunate habit of wooing and then ignoring women on dating apps. Commenters began by chastising him for his disrespectful behavior, but before long they were calling on his employer to fire him. Though very few people, if you buttonholed them, would advocate the sort of trial by TikTok that West Elm Caleb endured, social-media companies work to push paroxysms to the top of our feeds in defiance of our feeble scruples.
 
 

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---
Tag: ["🩺", "Human", "BurnOut"]
Tag: ["🩺", "🫀", "😵"]
Date: 2022-05-30
DocType: "WebClipping"
Hierarchy:

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---
Tag: ["🤵🏻", "🇺🇸", "👮‍♀️"]
Date: 2023-02-05
DocType: "WebClipping"
Hierarchy:
TimeStamp: 2023-02-05
Link: https://www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazine/nico-walker-money-diaries
location:
CollapseMetaTable: true
---
Parent:: [[@News|News]]
Read:: [[2023-02-06]]
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```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
id Save
```
^button-HowILearnedMoneyinPrisonNSave
 
# The Snack-Cake Economy: How I Learned Money in Prison
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The Fly was one of the first people I saw when I walked into my housing unit at the federal prison in Ashland, Kentucky. He was cooking something in the dayroom microwave, patting his belly, having a good enough time, it seemed. His celly was his own brother. They were both from the Midwest, via Mexico, these brothers were, and they were both in for something to do with cocaine. By the time I showed up, though, their principal business had shifted. They were storemen. Solid ones. Two of the all-time greats.
In prison, you could eat at the chow hall three times a day and live on that, but you would be hungry. The food was mostly carbohydrates, oftentimes stale. The chicken quarters were said to be expired crocodile food, irradiated so as to be safe to eat. The first day, you couldnt touch any of it. Nobody could come in cold off the street and dig into the baked fish. You had to undergo a process. You went to jail. You got hungry. You got hungrier. Then you ate. Still, even after this process, sometimes you didnt want to eat at the chow hall, or sometimes you couldnt because you had to be somewhere else during “feeding.” So, if you had any money on your book — your inmate account — you went to the prison commissary. The trouble was that you could go to the commissary only once a week. That was why storemen, like the Fly, existed.
The Fly and his brother ran the most legit store in the housing unit, if not on the entire compound, selling commissary food at a markup. Need freeze-dried coffee? Or a bag of Nilla Wafers? A legal pad? See the storeman. You could do a lot with storeman food. Crush up a bag of Nilla Wafers extra fine, pour it into a bowl, add a can of Pepsi and some hot-cocoa mix, stir in a glob of no-refrigeration-needed mayonnaise, microwave it for 13 minutes, and then, *presto!*, you had a cake that actually resembled a cake.
> Twelve-packs of Pepsi, Little Debbie snack cakes, mackerel in a mylar pouch, summer sausage: this is what holds the U.S. carceral state together.
Many guys tried to be storemen. It was considered one of the better hustles, preferable to cutting hair or fixing shoes. It wasnt passive income but the closest thing to it. Plus, the cops — the corrections officers — were in no hurry to wreck a storemans hustle, since the whole point of having a commissary was to keep the prisoners content enough that they wouldnt burn down the place. Twelve-packs of Pepsi, Little Debbie snack cakes, mackerel in a Mylar pouch, summer sausage: this is what holds the U.S. carceral state together. And, since storemen made commissary food accessible to prisoners who had little or no money on their book, the cops usually tolerated them, provided that they dealt only in commissary and, to a lesser degree, postage stamps. The problem was that being a storeman required start-up capital, hence many guys failed or never got started.
The Fly and his brother were particularly good storemen because, at some inconvenience and expense, they kept a larger inventory than most others. The Fly handled advertising. He stayed busy cooking in the dayroom, making whatever it was look nice, like you were missing out if you were above some microwave cooking. That first time I saw him, he was using brown rice, giardiniera peppers, and Tapatío from the commissary, plus chicken, cheese, an onion, and a green pepper from the kitchen. At Christmastime, he made tamales with spicy corn chips that he smashed up and turned into shells and filled with kitchen cheese and pork. His brother, who kept the books, so to speak, was usually posted up in a chair by their cell door on the top tier, across from the Spanish TV mounted to the dayroom wall.
If you were a storeman, you couldnt do much business if you werent around, so either you or somebody you trusted needed to stay in the housing unit all day. The Fly and his brother took orderly jobs so they wouldnt have to leave for long periods. They would sweep or mop the housing unit, say — some low-wage job they could usually pay someone else to do for them so they could focus on the store. The Fly did get outside sometimes, though. Whenever we organized a soccer league in the late summer or early fall, he would show up at the end of games to sell sodas to thirsty players walking off the field, stashing whatever stamps he earned in his hat.
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Postage stamps were the currency. Each week, you could buy 20 Forever Stamps, what we called mailers, at the commissary and spend them like cash. But we mostly used compound stamps — worn-out first-class mailers, worth about 30¢ a piece. When the Fly and his brother were running things, you could get a Zebra Cake for two compound stamps, or 60¢. A new box from the commissary cost $1.75 for six cakes, so 30¢ each. That was what they would have paid for it, so their markup was about 100%. Those prices werent predatory, though, not given their overhead and labour.
I bought stamps with the $45 a month I made from my prison jobs teaching the GED and, later, clerking in the Adult Continuing Education program. I wasnt breaking rocks, but it was work. My folks, bless their hearts, also put money on my book. I took their money and felt ashamed. But someone on the outside — an aged mother, a long-suffering wife — carried the financial burden for a lot of prisoners, who would have been far worse off otherwise. Even basics, like underwear and toothpaste, cost money in prison. Some guys were sent no cash. Thats really doing time. I didnt do time like that.
> Not having many things was fucking marvelous. Basically everything you owned could fit into a three-foot-tall box.
It was a low-security prison. Not a minimum. Not a medium. Not a high. A low. And to be at a low, you cant have more than 20 years. I was behind bars for eight and a half years, during which time the overall zeitgeist among the cops ran to “fuck the prisoners over and fuck them relentlessly.” I heard someone (I forget who) say that in prison, and I remember thinking, *Thats well said*. Most of us arrived when we were relatively young, serving a dime apiece or so. The guys with the real football numbers, theyre up in the mediums and the highs. Theyre the ones with nothing to lose, so the cops cant fuck with them too much. But we did have something to lose — our release dates — so they screwed with us plenty.
Sometimes you could peel off and reuse a stamp from a letter if the post office failed to cancel it. Once, before mail call, a cop — a real Mister Your Tax Dollars At Work — went through every envelope and crossed out any stamp the post office had missed, lest a prisoner whos literally impoverished come upon it and put it toward the purchase of a soup from the storeman. This was a foul thing to do, because (a) it was a waste of time and (b) there is a God in heaven and to engage in such petty bullshit profanes the sacred gift of life. But the cops, as a rule, could not give less of a shit about being decent to the prisoners.
The Fly and his brother, in contrast, were almost always decent. They were bankers as much as vendors, happy to loan you 10 stamps, say, to get a haircut in the housing unit. (If you paid less than 10 stamps, you werent getting a haircut that you couldnt have given yourself, provided you were able to track down clippers.)
Unlike bankers, the brothers didnt charge interest on loans, but if you ran credit with them, they would give you a list the night before your commissary day. If you owed, say, two books of stamps, that was 40 compound stamps, or $12. The Flys brother would say, “Can you get me a 12-pack of…Diet Mountain Dew?” Of course, you would say. “And,” he would say, checking his inventory, “can you get me...three boxes of Swiss rolls and three soups?” Ideally, you wouldnt say no. If you wanted to be sure that you could borrow stamps in the future, you wouldnt say no.
The commissary was open four days a week, three if there was a federal holiday. It was by the back gate. When your day came, you stood outside in one of two lines, waiting for the doors to open. It would be raining, because it would always be raining on your store day, and if it wasnt raining, it would be the hottest day of summer.
Once you got inside, you stood in line until you reached a small opaque window. Youd filled out a list ahead of time, writing down whatever you wanted for yourself and needed for the storeman. You put the piece of paper in a slot beneath the window and left it there. Eventually, a cop behind the window called your name, and you stepped up to the counter. Toothpaste, underwear, Swiss rolls, soups, stamps, typing ribbon, mackerel: it all came out through a gap under the window. After the cop rang up everything and subtracted the total from your book, he slid out your bullshit. If you were getting more than you could carry with two hands, you put it in a laundry bag. Back at the housing unit, your first stop was to see the brothers to settle up. If neither was home, you left the bullshit in their cell. Theyd know. It was an easy enough thing. You could count on it to be alright.
> When youre headed to prison for a decade or so, you have to assume that whatever relationship you have on the outside will wither and die.
Prison wasnt all bad. I dont want to bad-mouth it all the way, because I liked it sometimes. Not having many things was fucking marvelous. Basically everything you owned, excluding your three uniforms and a bedroll, could fit into a three-foot-tall box. What youd lost you made up for in other ways. You could focus so intently on a photograph that you basically lived in it whenever you looked at or even thought about it.
Losing people was harder than losing stuff. When youre headed to prison for a decade or so, you have to assume that whatever relationship you have on the outside will wither and die. Knowing this, some people will go back to jail just to make a clean break. The Fly was a romantic, though. He didnt see it coming. When his wife finally got around to divorcing him, he lost his shit. He was placed on suicide watch, and by the time the prison let him off, he was taking a number of medications.
The last time I saw the Fly, I was in the law library, working on a [novel](https://www.amazon.ca/Cherry-novel-Nico-Walker/dp/0525520139). The Fly knew that he was leaving, that the prison was shipping him somewhere else. He didnt tell me the reason why. He only wanted to shoot the breeze one last time. We used to watch TV together. We both liked soccer and the telenovela *Qué Pobres tan Ricos*. But his meds had him zooted as fuck, and he wasnt the same. He was hurting.
I was playing Modest Mouse on an MP3 player, one Id bought for $70 in the commissary but that would have cost $29 on the street. The Fly wanted to know what I was listening to. He didnt know Modest Mouse, so I gave him the earbuds. “Yeah, man,” he said, listening. “Fucking rock and roll!” He was kidding around, talking real loud, but he sounded fucked up and sad. His demeanour was fatalistic in a way it hadnt been before, as if something in him had given out.
It wasnt long after that that the Fly did get shipped out. I forget where he went. His brother was down about it. “I tried to tell him were lucky,” he said. And they were lucky — to have been in the same prison, in the same housing unit, in the same cell.
With the Fly gone, his brother got sloppy, taking chances he wouldnt have otherwise. Then one day there was a shakedown, one of those where a dozen cops roll in before the 6 AM rec move, kick all the prisoners out into the yard, and proceed to tear shit up, looking for contraband. This time they found a phone in the brothers cell. We were all out on the yard when the cops came deep and snatched him up. They took him away, and none of us saw him again. Nobody liked that. We were there to get fucked, though, so thats what they did. They fucked him and they fucked us. They were relentless about that. ♦
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**Wealthsimple Favourites**
- [“My Finances, in Brief,”](https://www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazine/david-sedaris-money-diaries) an Essay by David Sedaris
- Karen Russell on [writing, money, and motherhood](https://www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazine/karen-russell)
- [“The Code That Controls Your Money,”](https://www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazine/cobol-controls-your-money) by Clive Thompson
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*Nico Walker is the author of the novel* [Cherry](https://www.amazon.ca/Cherry-novel-Nico-Walker/dp/0525520139).
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# The Spectacular Life of Octavia E. Butler
The girl who grew up in Pasadena, took the bus, loved her mom, and wrote herself into the world.
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/2eb/2c7/b0c916d25b4445445cce7aa37e63ba023b-OctaviaButler.rvertical.w570.jpg)
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**Octavia Estelle Butler** was named after two of the most important people in her life: her mother, Octavia Margaret Guy, and her grandmother, Estella. Her grandmother was an astonishing woman. She raised seven children on a plantation in Louisiana, chopping sugarcane, boiling laundry in hot cauldrons, and cooking and cleaning, not only for her family but for the white family that owned the land. There was no school for Black children, but Estella taught Octavia Margaret enough to read and write. As far as Butler could tell, her grandmothers life wasnt far removed from slavery — the only difference was she had worked hard enough and saved enough money to move everyone out west during the Great Migration, to Pasadena, California, in the early 1920s.
Octavia Margaret worked from an early age; she attended school in California but was pulled out after a few years to help earn money. When Butler was very young, her family used to “stay on the place,” meaning they lived on the property of the family they worked for. Her father, Laurice James Butler, worked as a shoeshiner and died when she was 3 years old. Later, her mother would rent a spot for the two of them in Pasadena and work as a day laborer for wealthy white women. Octavia Margarets dream was to have her own place where she could tend her garden. She was quiet and deeply religious, and she read Butler bedtime stories until she was 6, at which point she said, “Heres the book. Now you read.”
In her family, Butler went by Junie, short for Junior, and in the world, she went by Estelle or Estella to avoid confusion for people looking for her mother. As a girl, she was shy. She broke down in tears when she had to speak in front of the class. Her youth was filled with drudgery and torment. The first time she remembered someone calling her “ugly” was in the first grade — bullying that continued through her adolescence. “I wanted to disappear,” she said. “Instead, I grew six feet tall.” The boys resented her growth spurt, and sometimes she would get mistaken for a friends mother or chased out of the womens bathroom. She was called slurs. It was the only time in her life she really considered suicide.
She kept her own company. In her elementary-school progress reports, one teacher wrote that “she dreams a lot and has poor concentration.” That was true. She did dream a lot, and she began to write her dreams down in a large pink notebook she carried around with her. “I usually had very few friends, and I was lonely,” Butler said. “But when I wrote, I wasnt.” By the time she was 10, she was writing her own worlds. At first, they were inspired by animals. She loved horses like those in *The Black Stallion.* When she saw an old pony at a carnival with festering sores swarmed by flies, she realized the sores had come from the other kids kicking the animal to make it go faster. Childrens capacity for cruelty stayed with her. She went home and wrote stories of wild horses that could shape-shift and that “made fools of the men who came to catch them.”
She found a refuge at the Pasadena Public Library, where she leaped into science fiction. She especially liked Theodore Sturgeon, Ursula K. Le Guin, Frank Herberts *Dune,* and Zenna Henderson, whose book *Pilgrimage* she would buy for her friends to read. She was a comic-book nerd: first DC and then Marvel. When she was 12 years old, she watched *Devil Girl From Mars,* a black-and-white British science-fiction movie about a female alien commander named Nyah who has mind-control powers, a vaporizing ray gun, and a tight leather outfit with a cape that touches the floor. Butler thought she could come up with a better story than that, so she began to write her own: temporary escape hatches from a life of “boredom, calluses, humiliation, and not enough money,” as she saw it. “I needed my fantasies to shield me from the world.”
**1962:** Octavia at 15. Photo: Octavia E. Butler Estate
When she learned she could make a living doing this, she never let the thought go. Later, she would call it her “positive obsession” and would put it all on the line. Her mothers youngest sister, who was the first in the family to go to college, became a nurse. Despite her familys warnings, she did exactly what she wanted to do. That same aunt would tell Butler, “Negroes cant be writers,” and advise her to get a sensible job as a teacher or civil servant. She could have stability and a nice pension, and if she really wanted to, she could write on the side. “My aunt was too late with it, though,” Butler said. “She had already taught me the only lesson I was willing to learn from her. I did as she had done and ignored what she said.”
Butler would grow up to write and publish a dozen novels and a collection of short stories. She did not believe in talent as much as hard work. She never told an aspiring writer they should give up, rather that they should learn, study, observe, and persist. Persistence was the lesson she received from her mother, her grandmother, and her aunt. In her lifetime, she would become the first published Black female science-fiction writer and be considered one of the forebears of Afrofuturism. “I may never get the chance to do all the things I want to do,” a 17-year-old Butler wrote in her journals, now archived at the Huntington Library in Pasadena. “To write 1 (or more) best sellers, to initiate a new type of writing, to win both the Nobel and the Pulitzer prizes (in reverse order), and to sit my mother down in her own house before she is too old and tired to enjoy it.” The world would catch up to her dreams. In 2020, *Parable of the Sower* would hit the best-seller list 27 years after its initial publication and 14 years after Butlers death. After years of imitation, Hollywood has put adaptations of nearly all of her novels into development, beginning with a *Kindred* show coming to Hulu in December. She is now experiencing a canonization that had only just begun in the last decade of her life.
“I never bought into my invisibility or non-existence as a Black person,” Butler wrote in a journal entry in 1999. “As a female and as an African-American, I wrote myself into the world. I wrote myself into the present, the future, and the past.” For Butler, writing was a way to manifest a person powerful enough to overcome the circumstances of her birth and what she saw as her own personal failings. Her characters were brazen when she felt timid, leaders when she felt she lacked charisma. They were blueprints for her own existence. “I can write about ideal mes,” she wrote on the cusp of turning 29. “I can write about the women I wish I was or the women I sometimes feel like. I dont think Ive ever written about the woman I am though. That is the woman I read and write to get away from. She has become a victim. A victim of her upbringing, a victim of her fears, a victim of her poverty — spiritual and financial. She is a victim of herself. She must climb out of herself and make her fate. How can she do this?”
**1970:** Butler, 23, with her classmates at Clarion West Workshop. Photo: Clarion West
**Butler was on** the 6 p.m. Greyhound bus in Pittsburgh heading home from the Clarion Workshop for science-fiction writers. She felt proud of the past six weeks. She had just turned 23, and Clarion was the first time she was taken seriously as a writer. After graduating from high school, she had continued to live at home while attending Pasadena City College. She exhausted the creative-writing classes there and the extension classes at UCLA, where a teacher had once asked her, “Cant you write anything normal?” She got into a screenwriting class at the Open Door Workshop through the Writers Guild of America, where she met the writer Harlan Ellison. She knew his work well, particularly his anthology *Dangerous Visions,* which was part of a literary, more socially minded turn in the genre. He later said she “couldnt write screenplays for shit” but knew she was talented and encouraged her to go to Clarion, even giving her some money.
Clarion was the farthest Butler had ever been from home and required a three-day cross-country trip to get there. Adjusting was difficult at first. Western Pennsylvania was hot, humid, and lonely. The radio stations stopped playing at eight. When the other students socialized, she wrote letters to her friends and mother — six in the first week. Epistolary writing was a way to unload and unblock herself and, at least at Clarion, to feel less isolated. “Write me and prove that there are still some Negroes somewhere in the world,” she wrote to her mother early on. Ellison did tell her there would be one Black teacher there: Samuel Delany, who at 28 was a literary wunderkind. Hed published nine novels by then, winning the Nebula Award — the fields highest honor — for Best Novel two years in a row. When Butler saw him for the first time, she told him he looked like a wild man from Borneo. (She probably shouldnt have said that, she thought later.) When she felt particularly hard on herself, she would write letters to her mother she never sent. “Im not doing anything,” she wrote. “Im hiding in this blasted room crying to you. Which is disgusting.” Her mother had forgone dental work so Butler could attend. She wouldnt complain like that.
Yes, she was still shy. She rarely spoke in class, and when she did, she put her hand over her mouth. (“She would never volunteer an answer,” Delany recalled, “but whenever I called on her, she always had an answer and it was always very smart.”) But Ellisons session was a shot in the arm. Butler hadnt turned in anything all workshop, and his one-story-a-day gauntlet invigorated her. She finished “Childfinder” at 4 a.m. — a story about a Black woman named Barbara who has the ability to locate children with latent psionic abilities and to nurture them. She sold the story to Ellison for his next anthology, *The Last Dangerous Visions,* and an editor at Doubleday encouraged her to send along her book manuscript for *Psychogenesis,* a world she had been building out since her teens.
Ellison was a social force: vexing and impossible to feel neutral toward. He would tell Butler to “Write Black!” and “Write the ghetto the way you see it!” — advice that annoyed her. She also had a crush on him. In her journals, she gave him a code name, El Llano, something she did for all of her crushes (William Shatner was “Gelly”). She wanted someone who could help guide her career, and she had hoped Ellison could be her mentor, champion, and lover. “Llano could easily be that master,” she wrote. But she was wary of losing herself. “If I am not careful, he will take over without even realizing it. A master must teach me to use my own talent, not to lean on his. I love him, but this is not what he teaches. So I will continue to love him and teach myself.”
Collected notes from 1970 to 1996. Photo: Octavia E. Butler Estate
**The high of Clarion** wore off quickly. Ellison had promised “Childfinder” would make Butler a star, but the publication of *The Last Dangerous Visions* kept getting delayed. She sent fragments of *Psychogenesis* to Diane Cleaver, the Doubleday editor she met at the workshop. Cleaver said it was promising but she would need the complete manuscript. Over the next five years, Butler didnt sell any writing but wrote constantly. She had moved into her own place in Los Angeles, one side of a single-story duplex in Mid City. On Saturdays, she packed a draft of *Psychogenesis* into her briefcase and went to the library to do research. One day, she lost the briefcase in a department store; from this point on, she always made a backup copy of her work.
She tried to stick to a tight schedule. Every morning at 2 a.m., she woke up to write. This was the best time, before the day was filled with other people, when her mind could roam freely. Sunrise brought the life she did not ask for: menial jobs at factories, offices, and warehouses. She subsisted on work from a blue-collar temp agency she called “the Slave Market.” Her mother wished she would get a full-time job as a secretary, but Butler preferred manual labor because she didnt have to “smile and pretend I was having a good time.” Her body hurt; she needed to go to the dentist. She took NoDoz to stay awake during the day. She was always crunching numbers: the price of paper, how far she could stretch a $99.07 biweekly paycheck. “Poverty is a constant, convenient, and unfortunately valid excuse for inaction,” she wrote in one journal entry.
The world of *Psychogenesis* had to do with psionics — telepathy, telekinesis, mind control — which was popular in the science fiction she was reading. The possibility that you could control the circumstances of your life with your mind held a strong appeal for Butler. She believed in its real-world application, too. She had begun taking self-hypnosis classes back in high school and devoured self-help books like *The Magic of Thinking Big* and *10 Days to a Great New Life.* She particularly loved Napoleon Hills *Think and Grow Rich,* a book of motivational practices cribbed from the French psychologist Émile Coués concept of optimistic auto-suggestion, which originated the mantra “In every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” She would learn to manifest.
One of Hills exercises was to go to a quiet spot and write down a sum of money you want to earn and how you would get it. You had to do it with “faith.” For a stretch of months in 1970, Butler would follow these instructions in the morning and at night. “Goal: To own, free and clear, $100,000 in cash savings,” she wrote. These mantras sounded a drumbeat throughout her early journals*.* She drew up contracts for herself with writing benchmarks — *I will put together an outline; I will complete a short story* — and signed them “OEB.” She copied out Frank Herberts quote “Fear is the mind killer” and wrote it again, breaking it up into stanzas. Writing was an incantation, a spell she could cast upon herself and the reader. “The goal right now is to achieve a scene of pure emotion,” she wrote. “I want the feeling to spark in the first sentence and I want my reader, my captive to read on helplessly hating with vehemence any interruption strong enough to break through to them. I shall succeed.”
Then, in December 1975, at 28, she sold her first book. After losing the *Psychogenesis* draft, she began writing another novel, *Patternmaster,* that takes place in the same universe. It was about a struggle for succession between two psionics, a young upstart named Teray and a seemingly unbeatable being named Coransee, both vying to become the next “Patternmaster” — that is, the leader of the telepathic race known as the Patternists. Butler sent the manuscript to Doubleday. By then, Cleaver had left, and Sharon Jarvis, the science-fiction editor, accepted the submission.
The novels poured out of Butler during this time. While *Patternmaster* was being finalized, she resurrected *Psychogenesis* as a prequel (a newfangled concept the jacket copy would describe as a “pre-sequel”) and called it *Mind of My Mind.* “I have to write about winners — at least until I am one,” she wrote in her journal. In other words, she wrote about characters she aspired to become. In *Patternmaster,* the two characters are upstaged repeatedly by Amber, a healer neither can control. In *Mind of My Mind,* a young, Black psionic named Mary discovers she can create a “pattern,” a neural network that brings other psionics under her control. While at first the others bristle, they soon come to discover they enjoy the mental stability her power gives them.
By 1977, Butler had two published novels but was no closer to financial security. Jarvis had given her a $1,750 advance for *Patternmaster,* which was not enough to live on. Their editor-writer relationship was workmanlike. “What is it you want of Sharon Jarvis?” she asked herself. She had hoped for at least a $2,000 advance for *Mind of My Mind* as well as “respect, even friendship if such is possible. But definitely respect.” The two wouldnt meet until after she had published three novels with Jarvis, and Jarvis was surprised to learn Butler was Black. “I went up to her at a science-fiction convention and introduced myself and she opened her mouth, stepped back, and stared,” Butler said. “Then we both played at not knowing why she was behaving that way.” (Jarvis recalled this, too. “When I was an editor, I didnt give a crap about somebodys background,” she said.)
Although *Mind of My Mind* was accepted for publication, Jarvis said there was a catch. At the time, both books were part of Doubledays library-subscription project, which earmarked a certain number of genre titles to send to public libraries. Because of this, Jarvis said the books had to be “clean” and expletives would have to be removed for publication. “There is absolutely no problem with any scenes, no necessity for rewriting, but the four-letter words have to come out,” Jarvis wrote in a letter. “Even the use of Christ as an expletive must go.” (The N-word, however, was published without concern.)
Butler had been intentional about cuss words, even outlining which ones each character would use. (The character Karl, for instance, would stick to religious outbursts like “Hell!”) She felt the changes made the dialogue stilted and untrue. She wrote back, “Im not sure I could convince anybody that, for instance, Mary, a feisty (usually) angry lower-class Black woman says Oh shoot! or Forget you!’”
“I dont think the story suffers in any way if you change it,” Jarvis responded. “Consider Barry Malzbergs words: If its money versus integrity, money wins out every time.’” She continued, “If I can take out blatantly offensive words such as *fuck* and *shit* and leave the *hell*s and *damn*s, we both can be happy. But I will still have to list *Mind of My Mind* as a second-stringer with a possible warning attached, so I couldnt offer more than another $1,750.” (Jarvis said the maximum amount she could offer any author at the time was $3,000.) The exchange became increasingly tense, ending with Jarvis saying she could keep the other expletives, but that *fuck* was nonnegotiable. “Is that finally clear?” she wrote.
Butlers relationship with Doubleday continued to deteriorate. She discovered that other science-fiction writers hadnt heard of *Patternmaster* and that it wasnt listed in the catalogue or sold at the Doubleday bookstore in Los Angeles. A review copy of *Mind of My Mind* hadnt been sent to Mike Hodel, a radio-show host she was set to do an interview with. In general, there was little to no effort to promote her books beyond the library presales. “I cant help but feel as though Im in trouble when I find myself having to bring in proof to booksellers that my book even exists,” Butler wrote. “Take it all in stride,” Jarvis replied when she asked her about these issues. “Ive heard worse.”
Butler didnt feel she had other options: She was hoping to sell the company *Survivor,* the third installment in her series. She didnt think the book was ready for publication, but she needed the money so she could travel to Maryland to do research for her next book*.* Jarvis would offer no more than $1,750 for *Survivor,* either, this time because of a sex scene that she agreed the book “needed.” “What youve told me is that a mild three-paragraph sex scene is going to cost me $250,” Butler replied. “I cant pretend to be happy about that. I accept your offer of $1,750, but Im not happy.”
Photo: Octavia E. Butler Estate
**Butler would have** to promote herself. She sent *Patternmaster* to *Ms.* Magazine for review consideration. She regularly attended science-fiction conventions like Westercon to network and sell books. She met a fellow Black science-fiction writer, Steven Barnes, at one of them, and they would commiserate over the years about the lack of support for their work. “How do we win?” said Barnes. “How do we play this game in a way that doesnt break our hearts and send us to the poorhouse?”
Perhaps because of Butlers efforts, her books sold better than Doubleday had expected. Jarvis told her *Mind of My Mind* went into a second printing “because we underestimated the advance sales.” Soon after, Butler received a letter from a young agent at Writers House named Felicia Eth asking if she had representation. Up to that point, Butlers only experience with an agent had been when her mother paid $61.20 — more than a months rent — to a scammer. (“Ignorance is expensive,” Butler would later write.) Writing a best seller was a constant preoccupation — a way to make life financially sustainable. “I need something that sells itself,” she wrote. “Something that screams its significance or its scariness or its timeliness so loudly that it cant be ignored.”
Her next book would be her first stand-alone novel. Titled *Kindred,* it represented a new level of maturity for Butler as a writer and has become one of her most enduring works. It blends historical fiction with time travel, sending Dana, a modern-day writer living in Los Angeles, to an antebellum-era plantation in Maryland where she has family roots. The time-travel mechanism is a psychological trap: When the life of one of Danas ancestors, a white slave owner named Rufus, is threatened, she is pulled into his orbit to save him. When she believes her own life to be threatened, she returns home. Danas existence depends on not only saving Rufus but allowing him to live long enough to rape her other ancestor, a free Black woman named Alice. Butler spent weeks in Baltimore researching at the citys historical society; she read deeply, including George Rawicks first 19 volumes of slave narratives, *The American Slave*; autobiographies by Frederick Douglass and Harriet Jacobs; and journals of slave owners wives “to understand that point of view, too.”
Early in her career, Butler received criticism for not writing explicitly about racial politics. “Why do you write that stuff?” she recalled being asked. “You should write something thats more politically relevant to the struggle.” She first got the idea for *Kindred* in college when she was a member of the Black Student Union. She had a discussion with another student — male, her age, middle class, and the self-appointed scholar on all things Black history — that she never forgot. “I wish I could kill off all these old people who have been holding us back for so long, but I cant because I would have to start with my own parents,” she remembered him saying. He believed the older generations were to blame for the lack of racial equity and that they “should have rebelled” against slavery. His impertinence reminded her of herself when she was younger. On days when her mother couldnt find a sitter, she would bring Butler with her as she worked in other peoples homes. They entered through the back door, and white people spoke in front of them as if they didnt exist. One day, she told her mother, “I will never do what *you* do. What *you* do is *terrible.*” Normally, her mother would have put her in her place, but that day she didnt say anything. She just gave her daughter a quiet look.
“I carried that look for a number of years before I understood it,” Butler said in an interview in 2003. “I didnt have to leave school when I was 10, I never missed a meal, always had a roof over my head because my mother was willing to do demeaning work and accept humiliation. What I wanted to teach in writing *Kindred* was that the people who did what my mother did were not frightened or timid or cowards, they were heroes.”
Initially, she tried writing *Kindred* with a male protagonist — not dissimilar from her self-righteous friend — but found she couldnt keep him alive. A proud Black man like him who would look a white man dead in the eye? He wouldnt last long enough to learn “the rules of submission.” No, she reasoned, the main character had to be female because her gender would make her seem less threatening. “I was wild for *Kindred,*” said Eth. “It was a real departure from what people were writing or reading about.” Eth was hoping to sell it as a mainstream title, i.e., not science fiction, and queried numerous publishers: Simon & Schuster, William Morrow, Putnam. Most editors resisted the genre mixing. “The blend of realism and fantasy just didnt work to my mind,” replied Daphne Abeel at Houghton Mifflin. Gail Winston at Random House liked the book but said she “couldnt get the support she needed to push it through.” Butler was restless, while Eth counseled patience. *Kindred* “is a wonderful book because its not easily categorized, and we have to expect that thats going to mean we have to work harder and have more faith in it,” Eth wrote. “I have that faith and dont want to give up.”
Funnily enough, *Kindred* ended up at Doubleday: Eth sold it to an editor in the fiction department for $5,000. The book was published in 1979 and received a muted response. While New York legacy media ignored it, it was reviewed in *Essence, Ms.* Magazine, and science-fiction publications like *Locus* and *Asimovs Science Fiction.* “Black writers did not know I was Black,” she said. “But a couple of experiences helped with that.” One of them came when Veronica Mixon, a young Black assistant editor at Doubleday, pitched the first magazine profile of Butler for a 1979 issue of *Essence* titled “Futurist Woman.” *Kindred* fell out of print, but the book allowed Butler to understand where her readership was: in the Black community and among women. Moreover, she began to feel she was owed money commensurate with her work. “I will be sold cheap as long as I permit myself to be sold cheap,” she wrote. “Enough is enough. I will not permit it again.”
**In her journals,** particularly from the 1970s and 80s, Butler would deliver self-assessments on her looks, her personality, her comportment. When she was younger and less confident, she often reprimanded herself for saying something she thought was embarrassing. She wanted to become “unembarrassable” but later understood she needed to let go of that. “I maintain distance between myself and other people out of fear. Fear of the pain they will give me if they see me naked. And find me not merely ugly, but foolish and without value,” she wrote. “The defense is not to care.”
In middle age, she would describe herself as “comfortably asocial,” but her journals reflect a deep yearning for intimacy. Loneliness was a constant affliction. She wanted companionship and sex. “Another person would help me to grow up socially,” she wrote. “A lasting relationship would be good for me.” Often, she imagined being with a man: “We want now a man over six feet tall. White, Black, yellow, we do not care.” Still, her relationships with men were not emotionally fulfilling; the sex was brief and “never initiated” by her. During her late 20s, she also imagined herself with a woman. “I know that but for the social stigma, I would rather love women,” she wrote. “I do it so easily. Closeness with men doesnt seem to fulfill except physically.”
When Butler was 28, she decided to stop living inside her head and meet some women. She worried most about how being in a relationship with a woman could impact her career. “Isnt being Black and female stigma enough?” she wondered. “It could hurt me. However small I am, it could. If I keep low after coming out, is it fear or shame?” After great hesitation, she picked up the phone to call the Gay and Lesbian Center in L.A. to inquire about some of its upcoming meetups. “Of course its possible that the only thing the center group will teach me is that I dont want to be part of their particular group,” she wrote. “Not that I dont share their unifying inclination. Why am I being so oblique today? Their lesbianism.”
Her journal from the first meetup burns with an intensity of detail. “A lot of them look like police women — have that odd smugness of authority about them, have that tough little face, slightly pushed together without being at all ugly,” she observed of the attendees. She noticed that all of them were white. She watched them kiss one another in a way she knew wasnt “sisterly” and felt pangs of envy. The only time she spoke up was to correct a woman — “white, pretty, and one of those Id never have suspected” — who was making incorrect claims about parapsychology. (Then she worried about coming off as a killjoy and know-it-all.) She wondered if she was attractive enough and played out scenarios in her head: If she were to pursue this lifestyle, her appearance would mean “the male burden would be on me” when courting women.
Butler ended the day in a heap of anguish. If only she had a friend to guide her. She wasnt confident that women would be interested in her — gay women liked attractive women, just as straight men did. Many of her social anxieties were tied to her lack of money, which she thought having would make her “more civilized, socialized.” At another meeting later in the month, she decided she was done. She sat through the centers announcements and went home. “I dont belong there any more than I belong anywhere else,” she wrote. “It would require an effort that Im not willing to put forth to make me part of those people. Theyre not for me. If I found a woman I went well with, we could make it.”
As far as her close friends and editors knew, Butler wasnt in a romantic partnership. “I am sorry that she did not seem to have that deep, intimate relationship,” said Barnes. “It can be difficult for artists. She had that sense of existential loneliness that human beings get. It was a price she was willing to pay to become the human being that she wanted to be. She became that person, and all it takes to get everything you want is everything youve got. Life takes everything.”
Photo: Octavia E. Butler Estate
**Butler never learned** to drive. As an adult, she realized she was dyslexic (she hadnt received an official diagnosis as a child) and needed time to read; she didnt want to risk trying to read street signs behind the wheel. Instead, she took the bus, an inconvenient way of getting around L.A. and one that created constant proximity with strangers who relied on the same municipal system; it became a steady source of inspiration in her writing. She observed people and occasionally wrote character sketches. During one bus ride, she watched a fight break out: One man accused another of looking at him funny (he wasnt) and lunged at him. At that moment, Butler thought of the opening line for her next short story, “Speech Sounds”: “There was trouble aboard the Washington Boulevard bus.”
A story set in a dystopic near future in which a pandemic degrades peoples ability to communicate, “Speech Sounds” came out of a depressive period for Butler. It was the early 80s, and she was languishing with a new novel, *Blindsight,* which she felt was a “thin and impoverished” version of *Mind of My Mind.* (It would go unpublished.) Her friend Phyllis was dying of multiple myeloma at the time, and every week, Butler would bring her a new chapter of *Clays Ark,* the fifth *Patternist* book she was working on, to read. Butlers Uncle Clarence had recently died, and another friend attempted suicide. Her house had been burgled and the thieves took her typewriters, tape recorders, TV, and radio — something that happened multiple times. She worried about her safety and told Barnes she wanted to take martial-arts classes. “The main thing I felt was wronged,” she wrote after one burglary. “As though I expected the world to be a fair or a sensible place where people see the folly as well as the injustice of robbing the poor. I thought, *Why did they do it?* I had so little.”
Meanwhile, she felt the world was in a state of regression. Butler was a self-professed news junkie with a keen interest in political leaders going back to the Nixon-Kennedy debates. She wanted to understand how their words held sway over people. “Bigotry is easing back into fashion,” she wrote shortly after the presidential election of Ronald Reagan. His attack on social-welfare programs and environmental regulations and the funny math of Reaganomics all filled her with dread. “Reagan is the tool of utterly self-interested, fatally shortsighted men — men who deem it a virtue to be indifferent to human suffering,” she wrote. “We will probably go on solving our problems by borrowing from the future until we are forced by the consequences of our own behavior to change.” She would filter her misgivings into her next series: the *Xenogenesis* trilogy, which she sold to Warner Books in a three-book deal in 1985. The contract — $75,000, to be divided out around the submission of each installment — was the strongest she had yet received and was buoyed in part by publishers renewed interest in science fiction. She sent her mother some money and bought herself a plane ticket to Peru to location-scout for the books.
**1985:** Butler, 38, on a research trip in Peru for her *Xenogenesis* trilogy. Photo: Octavia E. Butler Estate
Science fiction can be categorized into three types of stories: “What if?,” “If only,” and “If this goes on.” The first *Xenogenesis* book, *Dawn,* was born from Butlers horror at the Reagan administrations notion of a “winnable nuclear war” — the worst imaginable scenario of “If this goes on.” Its protagonist, Lilith, is awakened from a cryogenic sleep by an alien race called the Oankali after a nuclear holocaust has destroyed Earth. The Oankali tell Lilith humanity is doomed because of “two incompatible characteristics”: intelligence and a hierarchical nature. Butler designed the Oankali to trigger an instinctive response of fear and disgust; theyre covered in long tentacles like invertebrates. While humans are xenophobic, these aliens are xenophilic. The Oankali give Lilith a “choice” — either go back into a cryogenic-like state or help awaken more humans to mate with the Oankali and start a new race. Essentially, evolve or die. This was the beginning of Butlers “fix the world” books, her attempts to work out whether humanity could save itself from itself. Throughout the trilogy, she returns to this core observation: that our intelligence and need for dominance would lead to self-annihilation.
Photo: Octavia E. Butler Estate.
Photo: Octavia E. Butler Estate.
**Butlers dire prognosis** for the world brought her acclaim. In 1984, she won a Hugo Award for Best Short Story for “Speech Sounds,” followed by another Hugo and her first Nebula for *Bloodchild.* She returned to Clarion as a teacher the following year. Beacon Press was doing a line of feminist science fiction and bought the rights to reissue *Kindred* in 1988, a move that would seriously expand the books readership. That Christmas, she paid off the mortgage on her mothers house.
Butler was in her 40s now. She wanted to write her “magnum opus,” but felt she had lost some of the fuel that had kept her going so far. “In a way, I have run dry,” she wrote in a moment of discouragement. “You start to repeat yourself or you write from research and/or formula. Im like an old prodigy who has run on instinct for years, and now must learn her craft all over again because instinct has failed.”
When she was looking for ideas, Butler would do what she called “grazing,” which in practice meant having any number of books open around the house and perusing whatever might be of interest to her: environmental science, anthropology, microbiology, Black history, political studies. Lately, she had been taken by the Gaia hypothesis, an idea tendered by the scientists James Lovelock and Lynn Margulis that Earth is like a human body, a synergistic, self-regulating whole that we are a part of despite our behavior to the contrary.
What if she were to graft this idea onto space-colonization narratives? Wouldnt a planet reject humans like a body rejecting an organ transplant? What if, instead of enacting the same hostile-native scenario, interstellar colonists were afflicted by the environment and tiny bacteria? Humans would have to learn how to synergize and work with the planet, rather than carry on with their smash-and-grab attitude. This could be a series exploring different worlds and their peculiar challenges. “Im researching now and playing with ideas, but I know by the way this feels that Ive got something good,” she wrote in a 1989 letter to her agent, Merrilee Heifetz, who had taken over from Eth. “Ive a convention and a week of Clarion coming up, so I cant quite hide out with 30 or 40 books and my typewriter. Thats what I feel like doing. You see, this is what Im like when Im in love.”
The resulting book, *Parable of the Sower,* begins in Southern California in the year 2024. Earth, ravaged by the climate crisis called “the Apocalypse,” or “the Pox,” is beyond repair. People have become chained to systems of indentured servitude by company-owned cities. The narrative follows Lauren Olamina, a precocious 15-year-old living in a gated community surrounded by adults who try to fortify its defenses. She knows this safety is an illusion and records her beliefs secretly in a notebook. She suffers from a hyperempathy disorder, a crippling condition that causes her to “feel” what others feel. It forces her to be a tougher, faster decision-maker. She becomes the magnetic leader of a new religion but works slowly and subtly through actions and common sense.
Over four years, Butler rewrote the first 75 pages several times. “Everything I wrote seemed like garbage,” she said. Poetry finally broke the block. “I was forced to pay attention word by word, line by line,” she said. In the book, Lauren calls her belief system Earthseed — a fusion of Heraclitus, Darwin, and the Buddha that revolves around the core principle that “God is change.” She advocates for adaptability and communality as the path of survival for the species. The Earthseed verses take the form of Butlers own motivational writing, which had transformed from self-help contracts into poetry. “One of the first poems I wrote sounded like a nursery rhyme. It begins: God is power, and goes on to: God is malleable. This concept gave me what I needed,” she wrote. The ultimate goal of Earthseeds adherents is to shape the Destiny, which will allow humans to “take root among the stars.” Space colonization was Butlers equivalent to building a cathedral. She believed only some extraordinary feat like space travel could bring people together in a common goal. “Earthseed doesnt just reconcile science fiction and religion,” wrote her biographer Gerry Canavan. “It remakes science fiction *as* religion.”
*Parable of the Sower* was published in 1993. She liked her editor at the time, Dan Simon, who listened when she told him who her various audiences were and sent her out on a book tour. She spoke at independent Black-owned, science-fiction, and feminist bookstores. For the first time, the New York *Times* reviewed her work (albeit as part of a science-fiction roundup). The greater culture was shifting to meet her. “She was coming into more consciousness because of the growth of Black publishing,” said her writer friend Tananarive Due. “When the Black Books movement took off in the 1990s, a lot of us were caught in that wind.”
**2005:** Butler, 58, with her students at Clarion West Workshop. Photo: Leslie Howell
On June 9, 1995, Butler received an unexpected call. It was from the MacArthur Foundation, informing her that she had been awarded one of its famed “Genius” grants. She was so surprised that she didnt ask about the particulars. In her journals, she gave the award a code name: U.B., for Uncle Boisie, a.k.a. A. Guy, possibly as a reference to a male academic who had nominated her. “This isnt real yet,” she wrote. “It wont be until the letter arrives. What am I to do? Let us consider sensible behavior.” She would enroll in the foundations health plan. She would get life insurance and add her mother as its recipient.
The following week, she got the official letter informing her that she would be granted a total of $295,000 over five years. It would be the largest sum of money she received in her lifetime. The letter read:
> *Your award carries with it no obligations to the Foundation of any kind. The Foundation has no expectation that your work will retain the form or direction it has to date, nor that you should consult the Foundation about changes. Quite simply, your award is for you to use for whatever purposes you choose.*
She made a photocopy of it and, per her habit, started doing the math in the margins: $28,500 in 1995. 1996, $57,500. 1997, $58,500. 1999, $59,500. “A chance to write *and* to meet daughterly obligations,” she wrote.
A year later, her mother had a stroke and was hospitalized for three weeks before dying. Butler rarely spoke about the death publicly or with friends. “I wrote nothing of value for some time,” she said. Her grief focused her as well. She had been in a rut with *Parable of the Talents,* the second in the series (which in recent years would become known for featuring a fascist president, Andrew Steele Jarret, who proclaims he will “Make America Great Again”). “Later, when I came back to the novel, I found myself much less inclined to be gentle with my character,” Butler said, referring to Lauren. “Also I found that I needed to see her not only through her own eyes but through those of her daughter.” Butler would say this was “my mothers last gift to me.” On her mothers headstone, Butler wrote: “Beloved Mother/Octavia Margaret Butler/19141996/God is Love.”
**A few years** after her mothers death, Butler bought a house in Lake Forest Park just north of Seattle: a three-bedroom ranch-style home with neatly trimmed hedges in front and towering cypress trees in back. She turned one of the bedrooms into a library filled wall to wall with books and another into a study where she would write. Crucially, the house was right off a bus line she could take to U Street to go to events and to the bookstore. She was no longer the girl who would freeze up in class and spoke regularly at conferences, universities, schools, and festivals with authority and presence. In addition to the financial stability, the MacArthur grew her stature. She was the first science-fiction writer to win the grant — a fact the genres community seemed to belatedly acknowledge when *Parable of the Talents* won the Nebula for Best Novel in 2000. That year, Butler also received a PEN Lifetime Achievement Award. “All of the sudden, people who had not paid any attention to my work began to pay attention to me,” she said in an interview with Charlie Rose. Her goal of $100,000 in savings had changed to $1,000,000.
With the completion of the first two *Parable* books, she had finally set the stage for Earthseed believers to go to the stars. She had an ambitious plan of four more novels with the same title formulation — *Trickster, Teacher, Chaos, Clay* — set on other planets. True to its name, *Parable of the Trickster* confounded her. Butler wrote dozens of fragments that never moved beyond exposition. She explored a variety of ailments the planet might afflict on new arrivals: blindness or hallucinations, a body-jumping disease or a “nearly lethal homesickness.” Nothing was working. Republicans continued to depress her, particularly George W. Bushs invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. She needed a break, so she started writing *Fledgling,* a sexy polyamorous vampire novel, instead.
But writing had become generally difficult. Beginning in the late 90s, Butler began to feel fatigued. She was taking medication for high blood pressure and heart arrhythmia but felt the drugs were sapping her strength and sex drive. She kept notes of her symptoms — shortness of breath, nausea, back pain, hair loss. Her condition continued to deteriorate into the new millennium. She got pneumonia that was misdiagnosed and left untreated for weeks. Soon, she couldnt walk more than half a block without getting tired. “Im not functioning,” she wrote in 2004. “I sit and drowse a lot. I know Im not thinking very well, and Im certainly not breathing very well.”
On February 24, 2006, Butlers friend Leslie Howle was supposed to pick her up to bring her to a local conference. Howle and Butler had met in Seattle in 1985 when Butler was a teacher at Clarion and Howle was a student. Howle remembers her then: young and mosquito bitten and grinning after her trip to Peru. That week, Howle became her chauffeur, a role she would continue to fill over the years, particularly once Butler moved to Seattle. Howle would drive her on grocery runs to Whole Foods and Costco, and they would take hiking expeditions to Wallace Creek, Mount Rainier, and the ice caves. “She really loved getting out in nature,” said Howle. “If Octavia had a place where she saw God, that was it.”
Before she left the house that day to pick up her friend, Howle received word that Butler had died. She had fallen outside of her home, hitting her head on the concrete. She was 58 years old. She had been complaining that weekend about dizziness, nausea, and swollen ankles; she had even called her doctor, who told her she just had the flu and to rest up. Up until then, the medical advice she had received was to exercise more. “I am furious about that because when wed go hiking, she would be striding up switchbacks and Id be panting along behind her,” said Howle. “And shed be like, Oh, do you want me to wait for you?’”
“What happened with Octavia didnt need to happen,” Howle continued. “Despite being the incredibly powerful person she was, she did not assert herself with her doctor. Even today, doctors discount women of a certain age and women of color. Some of its racism, some of its ageism, some of its sexism — but all the isms conspired against her in the end is what I feel. She needed more people who were protective of her.”
**Shortly after** Butlers death, Howle organized a memorial service for her at the Science Fiction and Fantasy Hall of Fame in Seattle. On short notice, over 200 people gathered, including her friends the writers Vonda McIntyre, Nisi Shawl, and Harlan Ellison, via video. Howle remembered the way Butler would end calls by saying, “Ill be seeing you, then.” Butlers cousin Ernestine Walker said, “There is an African proverb: As long as you speak my name, I live.’”
Butlers name has only continued to grow. Since 2004, when BookScan began tracking numbers, over 1.5 million copies of her books have been sold. A Clarion scholarship, her onetime middle school in Pasadena, and a studio lab at the Los Angeles Public Library now all bear her name. In 2021, NASA named the landing site of the Mars Rover *Perseverance* the Octavia E. Butler Landing Site. The playwright and fellow MacArthur grantee Branden Jacobs-Jenkins had been pitching a television adaptation of *Kindred* since 2016, but it wasnt until the Black Lives Matter protests in 2020 that networks got serious. His is the first out of the gate. Viola Davis is working on a TV adaptation of *Wild Seed* for Amazon, Issa Rae and J.J. Abrams are producing *Fledgling,* A24 acquired the rights to *Parable of the Sower,* and according to the director of the Butler estate, Jules Jackson, theres a “humongous bidding war” for *Dawn* now.
Her most lasting legacy, though, is her writing, published and unpublished. Butler left her papers to the Huntington Library in her will, and she had seemingly kept everything: every journal, notebook, scrap of paper, envelope, contract (official and personal), card, reader letter, photograph, press clipping, diary, datebook, and draft. She kept the correspondence she received and made copies of the letters she sent — just in case. All told, the Octavia E. Butler archive contains 9,062 pieces held in 386 boxes, one volume, two binders, and 18 broadsides. She saved everything except the rejection slips she threw out in a fit of despair when she was young. The archive is evidence of the breadth of a writers life: her labor, her joy, her pain, and her greatest love.
Today, her writing is often read inspirationally and aspirationally. Some have taken the tenets of Earthseed literally as a philosophy of living. “Octavia Butler knew” is a common response to cataclysm. Butler did not believe in utopia, but there is a deep strain of hope in how people engage with her work: a desire to learn how to save ourselves from this mess weve made. She wasnt sure imperfect people could ever create a perfect world, but they could try. In an epigram for *Parable of the Trickster,* she wrote:
> *There is nothing new*
>
> *under the sun,*
>
> *but there are new suns.*
What the archives show is how much she struggled with hope herself. She was “a pessimist if Im not careful.” When she was working on a novel, her drafts tended to reveal the crueler sides of human nature. She didnt like Lauren Olamina at first because she saw the character as a power seeker. Earlier iterations of *Parable* depicted her as a calculated leader who orders assassinations on her enemies and puts shock collars on those who try to leave Earthseed. But the version of Lauren in the finished book is wise, practical, strong — someone who could grow a community into a movement. If Butler had been writing idealized selves since childhood, Lauren was the young adult she wished she had been, and her rise into myth has come to resemble her characters. You could understand this as a function of her desire for commercial success: We all need heroes. But another way to see it is that hope is not a given. It was through rewriting that she was able to imagine not only the darkest possible futures, but how to survive within them. Hope and writing were an entwined practice, the work of endless revision.
*An earlier version of this piece incorrectly stated the* Kindred *series will be coming to FX. It will air on Hulu.*
- [Our Task Was to Expand the Universe of the Book](https://www.vulture.com/article/branden-jacobs-jenkins-kindred-adaptation-interview.html)
- [The Butler Journal Entry I Always Return To](https://www.vulture.com/article/the-octavia-butler-journal-entry-i-always-return-to.html)
- [Misreading Octavia Butler](https://www.vulture.com/article/octavia-e-butler-why-we-misread-her.html)
[See All](https://www.vulture.com/tags/octavia-butler)
The Spectacular Life of Octavia E. Butler
 
 
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```button
name Save
type command
action Save current file
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^button-TheTragedyoftheSpiceKingNSave
 
# The Tragedy of the Spice King
## When an entrepreneur was seized by mental illness, his neighbors became victims and he became trapped in a broken system.
Photo-Illustration: Intelligencer
![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/3e4/127/d1d2d73577aa8d73dea228b9023198b876-spice-king-lede.rsquare.w700.jpg)
Photo-Illustration: Intelligencer
Dhiraj Arora had terrorized Fort Greene for years, but the campaign he launched on a warm January night in Brooklyn was remarkable even for him. Just after 2 a.m., he threw bottles at Evelina, a trattoria on DeKalb Avenue, smashing a large window. From there, he took aim at Izzy Rose in neighboring Clinton Hill, where a security camera captured him pitching shards of concrete through the cocktail bars large storefront window. He capped the night off by returning to Fort Greene, where he tossed a metal garbage basket into the window of the Great Georgiana, a popular gastropub on the corner of Dekalb and Vanderbilt. The next night Arora picked up where he left off, shattering a curtain of windows at Rhodora, an ecoconscious natural-wine bar a block away from Evelina.
“I immediately knew who it was because hes been doing this for years,” said Giuseppe de Francisci, a managing partner at Evelina. “Hes trashing restaurants that have kicked him out.”
De Francisci isnt the only business owner who has dealt with 47-year-old Arora before. It was the third time Arora had broken a window at the Great Georgiana in the last ten months. Employees at the Indian restaurant Dosa Royale had called 911 on him years earlier. He also broke a bottle at the feet of Treis Hill, the owner of Dick & Janes cocktail bar; threatened to burn a hostess at Evelina; slapped a manager at Saraghina Caffè in the chest; and harassed a bartender and guests at Izzy Rose. Aroras incessant menacing has been so bad recently that someone posted a flyer urging anyone who saw him to contact the police. “Millionaire Menace Terrorizes Fort Greene” it announced in bold red letters above a mug shot of Arora.
Aroras family says hes no millionaire. Twenty years ago, he founded a company that rode the health-food craze by selling packets of Indian-spice blends in grocery stores across the country. In 2007, *Crains* named Arora one of the citys top business owners, and a few years later the New York *Post* crowned him the “Spice King.” With his star on the rise, Arora lived the life of a swaggering playboy entrepreneur who spent extravagantly on clothes, travel, and restaurants. “I am the definition of passion,” he told a small magazine at the time. “Stay tuned.”
But Aroras bluster masked his struggle with bipolar and alcohol-use disorders, a dual diagnosis that made it impossible for him to maintain his business. Over the past decade, his family and friends watched helplessly as his mental health declined, taking away the success hed earned and sending him down a destructive path.
“His episodes have become far worse and more frequent, and now every time theres an episode, all we can do is call the police,” said his sister, Puja Arora. “At that point hes violent, hes dangerous, hes a threat to himself, hes a threat to others. Its this constant cycle. Every step of the way the system failed him.”
Aroras family has seen him cycle in and out of hospitals, jails, and rehab facilities. Since 2019, hes been arrested in New York, New Jersey, and Florida for stalking, harassment, menacing, criminal mischief, and more. His illness has confined him to a sort of systemic purgatory: Too sick for his family to care for, but not harmful enough for the legal system to intervene.
Meanwhile, his neighbors fear what the next episode might bring, a looming dread shared by many New Yorkers who say [crime is the citys top problem](https://poll.qu.edu/poll-release?releaseid=3865) — including Mayor Eric Adams, who has blamed mental illness for the rise in subway crime in particular. In November, he announced a haphazard plan to allow first responders, including NYPD officers, to forcibly remove people from the streets and involuntarily hospitalize them. Members of the City Council ripped into that plan at a hearing in early February, saying the city cant police its way out of a mental-health crisis.
Indeed, police havent made a difference when it comes to treating Aroras own crisis or, until recently, preventing him from terrorizing people. Mental-health court gives defendants a chance to enter treatment programs as an alternative to jail or prison, but none of Aroras cases appear to have gone through the court. Its unlikely his crimes — mostly misdemeanors — would have qualified him for the kind of court-ordered supervised medical treatment that his family hopes might prevent further incidents. “People who do well in mental-health court are those who have significant challenges related to untreated mental illness and have committed a serious crime. If they dont have those two things, then you dont really have the mechanisms at play to respond to them,” said Jeff Coots, director of John Jay College of Criminal Justices From Punishment to Public Health program.
Arora and his sister grew up in Bridgewater, New Jersey, where she recalls he was “super-loving, protective, hysterical” before the onset of bipolar. “He was an athlete. He was voted best all around in high school, most likely to succeed. He had all the hot chicks.” Dhiraj received his bipolar diagnosis in 1997, the same year he graduated from the University of Michigan, and was in and out of hospitals for treatment.
After college, Arora moved back home and, inspired by his parents reputations as some of the best cooks in his familys community, sold spice mixes he blended together at local flea markets. He gave his company a simple name, Arora Creations, and tapped into Americans growing desire for healthier organic ingredients in their everyday grocery stores. “Dhiraj has hands down one of the smartest, savviest business minds Ive ever come across,” said a family friend who works in finance. The company operated with a few employees who worked out of Aroras studio on Canal Street. By 2008, some 8,000 stores across the country, including Publix and Whole Foods, carried Arora Creations spice packets. “This isnt a trend, this isnt fat-free,” he said in a promotional video from the time. “This is a lifestyle. This is my culture. This is my tradition, my roots.”
As the company grew, so did its founders drinking and erratic behavior, according to those who knew him. In September 2011, Arora ran naked through the gym of the midtown Four Seasons Hotel while drinking tequila. “Suck my million-dollar cock,” he allegedly told police as they took him to St. Lukes-Roosevelt Hospital for a psychological evaluation. No charges were filed. The *Post* picked up on the story and, when a reporter reached Arora for comment, he offered a correction: It was “suck my $57 million dick,” he said.
The *Post*s story was easy fodder for New Yorks media blogs, nearly all of which ran gleeful posts about the incident. The *Observer* interviewed Arora over an alcohol-soaked lunch at the Breslin for a short [profile](https://observer.com/2012/01/selling-the-sizzle-new-york-spice-king-dhiraj-arora-lets-it-all-hang-out/) that depicted him as an immature but charming — if a bit unhinged — impresario. A close friend speculated that Arora enjoyed the media attention the episode brought him, even if it was bad for business: The swaggering, yoga-practicing entrepreneur was a familiar trope in the 2010s, and Arora seemed happy to play the part.
Whatever high Arora might have felt crashed when, a few months later, one of the police officers who arrested him filed a $57 million lawsuit against Arora claiming he had assaulted her. The case was dismissed, but the negative publicity from the incident, along with Aroras deteriorating mental health, virtually doomed his business and he filed for bankruptcy in 2014. He spent the next several years living in a small apartment in Fort Greene, drinking away what little money his business brought in.
When the pandemic struck in 2020, Arora moved in with his mother in New Jersey and tied together a few months of sobriety. For the first time in years, Puja felt like she had her brother back. “We went out to dinner two or three times a week, we went out for walks, we did things, we hung out the way we used to. Then he stopped taking his medicine and the cycle started,” she said.
Arora disappeared for days. Family and friends did what they could to help, loaning him money, bailing him out of jail, paying for lawyers and expensive treatment facilities. Occasionally, he would stick to medications to treat his bipolar disorder and stay away from alcohol, but the drinking would resume and he would quit taking medicine and spiral out of control. Hes been hospitalized more times than the family can count.
“He goes there, they drug him up, they keep him there for three days or two weeks, then hes released, and thats the problem. Theres no follow-up, hes not mandated to attend any of his sessions,” said Puja. “It just feels unfair. He is insanely smart. He has the ability to do well in this world, and well for himself, but he needs help. He needs the compassion that we feel for other diseases.”
When he is not at home or in a hospital, Arora is often in the place his family fears most: police custody. Last February, the NYPD picked him up in the throes of another manic episode in lower Manhattan. Arora told police that he needed to go to the hospital because he didnt have his medication. Arora was brought in handcuffs to the Mount Sinai Beth Israel emergency room where he said  officer Blair Butler struck him in the head and cut open his ear so badly that he was stitched up in the ER. (Aroras attorney, David Cetron, provided video of the incident.) The Manhattan District Attorney Offices police accountability unit opened an investigation that determined it couldnt prove criminal conduct on Butlers part. The Civilian Complaint Review Board also opened an investigation but has yet to issue a recommendation.
Arora was attacked by a NYPD officer inside Mount Sinai Beth Israel last year.
While Aroras family worries how he will be treated by officers who often have no training to deal with someone in a manic state, sometimes they have no other choice but to ask the police for help. This past June, Puja called 911 because she feared her brother would hurt her mother. Again, police took him to a hospital where he was admitted for psychiatric treatment. After he was discharged, police arrested Arora for a separate incident in which hed dialed 911 and made a false report. He spent the next 89 days in jail. About a month after he was released, in October, he was arrested again.
In November, Prapti Patel, a 33-year-old consultant, was having drinks with a friend at Izzy Rose when she noticed a man throwing broccoli rabe at them. Arora had been hanging around the bar recently, even handing out spice packets to customers. Patel said she politely asked Arora to stop, but he became enraged and threatened to kill her. “He started calling me an Indian bitch and saying he hated Indians even though he was Indian,” Patel said, adding that she was so disturbed by the incident that she filed a report with the NYPD. Nothing happened, and Aroras behavior took a sharp turn for the worse.
On January 14, Arora was arrested for allegedly refusing to pay for dinner at a sushi restaurant in Tribeca. Three days later, he was arrested again for menacing and criminal possession of a weapon when he threatened someone in downtown Manhattan. His mother, Chancal, bailed him out, showing up at a court hearing with an employee from Recovery Centers of America in the hopes of shuttling her son directly to the mental health and alcohol treatment facility near their home in New Jersey. They didnt even have a chance. According to Chancal, Arora slipped out of the courthouse after he was released from custody. In an interview, Arora claimed he was sent to Bellevue Hospital for a psychological evaluation after the hearing and that by the time he returned to the courthouse, his mother and the recovery center  employee were already gone. Regardless, Chancal was frustrated by the courts unwillingness or inability to force her son into treatment, and she left uncertain whether she would see him before his next arrest.
A little over a week later, Arora went on his rampage through Fort Greene. Fed up, Evelinas de Francisci posted a video of security-camera footage on Instagram, urging anyone who saw Arora to call the police. A few days later, one of Evelinas regulars saw him in Soho and called 911. Arora was arrested and sent to Rikers Island. A grand jury charged him with two counts of felony criminal mischief and one misdemeanor.
Arora has yet to be arraigned on his most recent charges, but because of the severity of the charges and his lengthy criminal record, he now faces years in prison. “Hes committing criminal acts, but its more the result of mental illness than anything else. Hes a real pleasant guy when hes on his meds, but when hes off, hes totally irrational,” said Steven Alan Hoffner, one of Aroras attorneys. “Hes just sick.”
But some of Aroras victims are unwilling to accept that premise. “I know people with bipolar disorder. The mood swings dont transform people into violent monsters,” said de Francisci. “Hes the cause of his issues.”
During phone calls from Rikers, Arora defended himself by saying the Brooklyn business owners had previously antagonized him while also acknowledging his struggles with bipolar disorder and alcohol use. “You lose absolute control of judgment. Add the vodka and things get aggressive,” he said. He blamed his parents for not bailing him out of Rikers and getting him into a treatment program while he awaits trial.
Chancal said she cant put together the money for her sons bail and shes lost faith in her own ability to keep him in a treatment program. She also knows her son has little chance of improving in one of the countrys most notorious jails where the mentally ill have been routinely abused by corrections officers and dozens of inmates have died from drug overdoses, suicide, and violence in recent years. She hopes, against all evidence, that the system will finally help her son.
“If somebody is having a heart attack in a restaurant, will the police take him to a hospital or a jail? Why is there a discrimination between physical illness and mental illness?” she wondered. “Dhiraj should be in a hospital.”
The Tragedy of the Spice King
 
 
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@ -126,7 +126,7 @@ The offense of making a false report—punishable by law in most states—was or
There are no data, either at the state level or nationally, about the number of people who have been prosecuted for falsely accusing someone of sexual assault. Lisa Avalos, a law professor at Louisiana State University who studies false-rape prosecutions, told me, “It absolutely happens regularly throughout the country, but its an ad-hoc system.” With the help of a researcher, Cleuci de Oliveira, I filed public-records requests in every county in Ohio and found that, in the past fifteen years, at least twenty-five people have been prosecuted for the crime, including one who was thirteen years old. Nearly all of them pleaded guilty. The only false-alarms rape case in Ohio known to reach an appeals court involved a woman who had been convicted of the crime, in 1997, after she reported that a man she had met at a bar had followed her home and forced her to have sex. She and her alleged rapist agreed on most facts of their encounter except whether the sex was consensual. The appeals court overturned the womans conviction and questioned the “wisdom and fairness” of charging someone with making false alarms when the crucial question—whether an encounter was rape—“depends on whose version of the event is believed.” (The court wrote that the police “believed from the outset that \[the woman\] was lying and proceeded to investigate a claim against her rather than the reported rape.”)
False-allegation prosecutions offer a response to the imperative, popularized by the #MeToo movement, to believe women. News of the cases often circulates on mens-rights Web sites, providing a counternarrative: women are vindictive and desperate for attention, and believing them is a waste of public resources. Nancy Grigsby, who has worked for forty years in organizations that address violence against women, said she has observed that, in the wake of #MeToo, “the eye rolls are bigger now, like Here they come with their liberation stuff.’ ” Last year, in the county where Grigsby lives, in Ohio, a woman reported to the police that her ex-boyfriend had raped her and then forced her to go to stores to return gifts that he had given her. But when video footage at a mall showed that the woman did not appear the way the police imagined a rape victim to look, the police dropped their investigation against the ex-boyfriend. Instead, the woman was charged with filing a false report. Grigsby told me, “It is a rural county, and it doesnt take very long for people to hear that story and decide, Im not calling the police if I get raped.”
False-allegation prosecutions offer a response to the imperative, popularized by the `#MeToo` movement, to believe women. News of the cases often circulates on mens-rights Web sites, providing a counternarrative: women are vindictive and desperate for attention, and believing them is a waste of public resources. Nancy Grigsby, who has worked for forty years in organizations that address violence against women, said she has observed that, in the wake of `#MeToo`, “the eye rolls are bigger now, like Here they come with their liberation stuff.’ ” Last year, in the county where Grigsby lives, in Ohio, a woman reported to the police that her ex-boyfriend had raped her and then forced her to go to stores to return gifts that he had given her. But when video footage at a mall showed that the woman did not appear the way the police imagined a rape victim to look, the police dropped their investigation against the ex-boyfriend. Instead, the woman was charged with filing a false report. Grigsby told me, “It is a rural county, and it doesnt take very long for people to hear that story and decide, Im not calling the police if I get raped.”
The legal system generally puts sexual intercourse into two categories—rape or not rape—a binary that is at odds with the way these things often unfold: two drunk people with unequal power who find themselves sexually involved for reasons that are complex and unstated. Such encounters are rarely not confusing. It may be impossible to locate an objective truth about each participants state of mind. And yet the spectre of the lying, manipulative woman is sufficiently pervasive that reports of assault that lack evidence can get wrongly classified as acts of willful mischief or revenge. The most comprehensive analysis of sexual-assault reports, published by the Home Office in the U.K. in 2005, found that, in a sample collected during a fifteen-year period, the police had labelled about eight per cent of rape complaints “false,” but often for shaky reasons, such as the complainant being inconsistent or mentally ill. Jordan, the author of “The Word of a Woman?,” told me that even when a complaint is false the circumstances that give rise to the report rarely indicate malice. She said, “Women with past abuse histories may conflate past trauma with present experiences, so the falseness comes from a place of genuine confusion and signals high vulnerability, not vindictiveness.” We expect victims to have unblemished histories, in part because sexual violence is addressed at the individual level, where, for good reason, the burden of proof is high; less attention is paid to the social and structural reasons that people become victims—the imbalances of power that shape identities over a lifetime.

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@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ It was just a “clumsy and middle-aged moment,” a Rowling spokesperson [told
Her official entrance into the debate came about a year and a half later, when Rowling came to the defense of Maya Forstater. An obscure global development expert, Forstater had lost her contract at a think tank after a series of tweets her coworkers felt were transphobic, including [one that stated:](https://twitter.com/mforstater/status/1046450304986812416?lang=en) “that men cannot change into women.”
“Dress however you please,” Rowling [tweeted in December 2019](https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/1207646162813100033). “Call yourself whatever you like. Sleep with any consenting adult wholl have you. Live your best life in peace and security. But force women out of their jobs for stating that sex is real? #IStandWithMaya #ThisIsNotaDrill.”
“Dress however you please,” Rowling [tweeted in December 2019](https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/1207646162813100033). “Call yourself whatever you like. Sleep with any consenting adult wholl have you. Live your best life in peace and security. But force women out of their jobs for stating that sex is real? `#IStandWithMaya` `#ThisIsNotaDrill`.”
Rowlings message blew what had been a small, national story into an international furor, with people on both sides quick to weigh in, sometimes aggressively. When someone sent Forstater the tweet over WhatsApp, she thought, “Somebody made that to cheer me up. And then I saw that it was real. And, you know, the Internet was going crazy… just all these likes and retweets.”

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Link: https://www.businessinsider.com/the-not-quite-redemption-of-south-africas-infamous-marathon-cheats-2022-12?r=US&IR=T
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^button-Thenot-quite-redemptionofinfamouscheatsNSave
 
# The not-quite-redemption of South Africa's infamous ultra-marathon cheats
Some of you will know this story already. Some of you will think you do. In South Africa, it's lodged in the collective memory, sticky and stubborn. The race. The twins. The watches. The subterfuge. In the world of global running, meanwhile, it still makes lists of the greatest marathon cheats. Even now. Even 23 years later. 
But before the scandal and the shame, the comeback and the infamy, was the event itself. And to understand how things ended up where they did, there's nowhere else to start but right there. 
It's Wednesday, the 16th of June, 1999. South Africa, five years clean of apartheid rule, is the world's darling. And today happens to be the day that Nelson Mandela will step down as the nation's first Black president. In a few hours, he'll hand over the reins to his deputy, Thabo Mbeki.
At 5:59 a.m., when this story starts, it's still pitch black outside. We're in Pietermaritzburg, a tidy colonial city an hour's drive inland from Durban. In front of the red brick city hall stand 12,794 runners. It's the starting line of the Comrades, a 89.9-kilometer (56-mile) race that cuts through the rolling hills that tumble out from here to the Indian Ocean. In addition to the runners gathered on the start line, and the tens of thousands who will flank the route from here to Durban, many South Africans are watching live on television.  
South Africans became obsessed with this homegrown event, the largest and oldest ultramarathon in the world, when a global boycott targeting its racist apartheid government barred the country from big international sporting events like the Olympics and the World Cup. In the lonely depths of South Africa's isolation, winners of this insanely long race were catapulted to fame and landed lucrative sponsorship deals. Even after apartheid was toppled and South Africa was invited back into the global fold, the Comrades retained its caché, and now it also had big-ticket prize money.
One of the runners at the start line this morning, not yet attracting any attention, wears the race number 13018 Sergio Motsoeneng. At 21, he's one of the youngest runners here, competing in a field crowded with world champions, in a sport where people often peak in their 30s or 40s. He's come here from Phuthaditjhaba, an impoverished area near the Lesotho border. He's never run this far in his life.  
First prize in the Comrades is 100,000 South African Rand ($16,400 at the time). This year, the big corporate running clubs are offering additional money to runners who could break the course records. Sergio's club is offering a R1 million ($164,000) bonus, the equivalent of 70 years of his father's salary. Sergio has nine siblings to help support, and no job. This race is going to be his ticket out. 
From the loudspeakers, the theme song from the running cult film Chariots of Fire blasts into the crowd. Runners peel off the trash bags and ratty sweatshirts they've brought to keep warm while they wait. On a raised platform above the start line, Pietermaritzburg's mayor lifts a handgun. He fires. The race is on.
![A close-up of marathon runners in South Africa](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
Runners are seen taking part in the Comrades Marathon in 2018.
RAJESH JANTILAL/AFP via Getty Images
For years, the idea of winning the Comrades has vibrated through Sergio and his younger brother, Arnold, at a constant frequency. Beginning as teenagers, they won race after race, dominating the sport in Phuthaditjhaba, a small city in the bowl of the Maluti Mountains, a poor and rural corner of the country near South Africa's border with Lesotho. They were rewarded mostly in dinky plastic trophies and bragging rights, plus the occasional cash prize. 
But the boys had bigger ambitions. When Sergio was about 15, and Arnold about 13, they started training informally with a white coach named Eugene Botha. Then in his late 20s, Eugene was short and jovial, with the twitchy excitability of a boxer. He'd been a pro runner in Johannesburg. Now, he ran a fire extinguisher business in the town of Bethlehem, 165 miles to the southeast. The tidy town center once named the cleanest town in South Africa was nearly all white. The township of matchbox houses and shacks crowded together on its perimeter was all Black. 
Eugene ran his business from his living room and coached high school running on the side. Sergio and Arnold noticed that his runners were good. They wanted to know how he did it. 
Eugene was charmed by the brothers' drive to show what they could do on a bigger stage. "A runner can always recognize another runner," Eugene tells me. "They were the best in Phuthaditjhaba. At all the races they entered, they won them by far." Sergio, he says, "had the style, the strength, the everything." 
Eugene's business often brought him to Phuthaditjhaba, an hour drive from Bethlehem, and he began taking Sergio and Arnold on long runs through the mountains, or to a track for speedwork drills. It wasn't yet clear to him if Sergio and Arnold were just Phuthaditjhaba good or once-in-a-generation good. But they had pluck.
From the start, the boys were impatient. They wanted to run longer distances, the ones with the big prize money. Hold back, Eugene told them. It didn't make sense to punish their bodies like that, not when they had so much potential, not when they were just getting started.  
Against their mentor's advice Sergio and Arnold decided the Comrades was the race to win. And not in ten years. Now. 
\*\*\*
Five hours and 40 minutes after the crack of the start gun, Sergio Motsoeneng staggers across the finish line at Kingsmead Cricket Ground in Durban. He looks dazed as a race official drapes him in a blue and white Powerade towel. Ninth place, behind a mix of Black and white runners. It's not the record-breaking run he was hoping for, but it is, unequivocally, a phenomenal performance. He'll get R6000 ($1000) in prize money, plus a medal made of real gold. 
The TV commentators are stunned. A top ten finish from a no-name runner, and on his first go no less? "Motsoeneng coming through and surprising us all," marvels Bruce Fordyce, a nine-time Comrades winner turned pundit.  
That night, there's a dinner for Sergio's running club, Rentmeester Reparil Gel, which takes its tongue-twisting name from the insurance company and pain relief gel that co-sponsor it. It's one of the country's elite clubs, and its runners have done well. Four, including Sergio, finished in the top ten, and three more in the top 50. Everyone is celebrating, drinking beer, slapping each other on the back. Andrew Kelehe, a runner who finished third — though he'd land in second place after another runner was disqualified for doping — and one of the coaches, John Hamlett, will tell me later that Sergio looked off. He's being really quiet, maybe he's sick. 
By the time Sergio arrives back in Phuthaditjhaba the next day, he's all smiles. His family meets him outside their two-bedroom brick house in a flurry of hugs and tears. 
They all watched the race together on their tiny black and white TV, squinting for footage of Sergio at the front of the pack, they tell him. It was only at the end that they'd spotted him, as the TV cameras panned to Sergio sprinting to the finish just ten minutes behind the winner, arms pumping and face drawn. They'd spend the whole night singing and praising god and dancing in the street. 
"You've opened the future for all of us," Joseph Mphuthi, another runner and an old friend of Sergio's, tells him.
The prize money is a far cry from the R1.1 million Sergio had dreamed of, but it's not nothing either. He buys groceries for the family, new shoes for himself, cloth for the tailoring business that Arnold has started in Bloemfontein, three hours away. 
Their father had told them, more than once, to cut it out with the running. He was fed up with his sons constantly begging him for taxi fare and race entry money, and he didn't hesitate to tell them, you boys need real jobs. His rages were red-hot, often stoked by alcohol. 
But a top 10 finish in South Africa's most prestigious race is something no one expected. This is the moment, Sergio thinks, when everything changes. 
\*\*\*
A few weeks later, Eugene is home in Bethlehem when his phone rings. It's someone from Rentmeester, Sergio's running club. 
Do you know the runner, Motsoeneng? The caller asks.
Yes, I do.
Do you know there are two of them, brothers? 
I do. 
Would you be able to tell them apart?
Of course. 
Ok, says the man on the other end, we're going to fax you some photos now. Please tell us what you see. 
A minute later, Eugene is staring at side-by-side images of a lanky Black runner wearing the number 13018. There's a blue and green Rentmeester singlet hanging off his trim frame, a black cap is pulled low over his face, and he has on a pair of blue and yellow Nikes. 
Immediately, Eugene sees the problem. The runner on the right is clearly Sergio. Ropey and slight, he has soaring cheekbones and a torso so thin you can see the air ripple through his lungs when he breathes. His fists are balled and he's wearing a pink watch on his right wrist. 
![Two side-by-side pictures of a runner.](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
A side-by-side comparison of Sergio Motsoeneng and his brother, Arnold Motsoeneng, racing in the Comrades in 1999.
Gail Irwin/Reuters
Eugene studies the picture on the left. This runner looks stockier and there's a scar running down his right shin. His head is tilted forward, and his face is shrouded by the bill of his cap. He's also wearing a watch, but it's yellow and on his left wrist. 
Eugene's stomach drops. The runner on the left Eugene has no doubt is Sergio's brother Arnold.
Within a few days, the two pictures will be splashed across the front pages of South Africa's biggest newspapers. 
\*\*\*
The sun is setting quickly as I scramble up the steep hillside outside Phuthaditjhaba. Ahead of me, Arnold Motsoeneng moves nimbly, hopping over rocks and thorn bushes with the light, sure-footed steps of someone who has run this route many times before. 
For going on thirty years, this mountain he and Sergio nicknamed the Titanic, for its sharp pointed slope, is where they have trained, back and forth, up and down, until their legs and lungs burned. Tonight, though, we are walking, Arnold at the front, Sergio and another brother, Moratoe, at the back, and me in the middle, taking big ragged breaths in the thin air. "You doing ok?" Arnold calls back to me. His voice is warm and gentle, and he smiles at me with the same dazzling cheekbones that graced magazine covers in 1999 beside headlines about the "Crooked Comrades 'Twins.'" I smile back, flashing him a thumbs up. 
A few weeks earlier, I was home in Johannesburg, Sergio's number punched into my phone, screwing up the courage to start the call. By then, I'd spent hours scouring the internet for information about the Motsoenengs, reading article after article with titles like "Two Brothers, One Ultramarathon, and the Greatest Cheat in Running History" and "Top 10 Worst Sporting Cheats." 
They all told the same basic story, although some of the details were fuzzy: In 1999, two lookalike brothers concocted a clever plan to win the Comrades. They ran the race as a relay, swapping their clothes and shoes in portable toilets along the route. If they hadn't forgotten to swap their watches, too, they might have pulled it off. 
Some of the retellings had it — mistakenly — that the brothers were identical twins. One had Sergio and Arnold speeding between handoff points in a getaway car, as if part of an elegantly choreographed heist. One or two stories speculated that a third runner, a "Mr. X," had also run parts of the race. 
The stories hinted at a bigger anxiety. This was, remember, a fragile moment in the life of the new South Africa. There were plenty of people out there, white people especially, who were still praying to see it fail. Reporters from the time wrote that the brothers were "getting rich" off their "skullduggery" and opined that they'd "turned an illustrious event into a race of shame."
"People were saying, 'look what they did to this race, that's what they'll do to the country," remembers Dana Snyman, a white tabloid journalist from the time. 
So when I reached Sergio and made my pitch for an interview, it surprised me that he seemed willing to hear me out. Sure, what they'd done was unethical, I said. But they'd also grown up in apartheid South Africa, one of the most immoral systems imaginable. Weren't they just giving themselves an advantage in a world that had disadvantaged them in every possible way? 
I tell him, their story rang like a kind of analogue prequel to twenty-first century shaming, where seemingly all of society lays into someone's bad behavior and leaves them branded forever. They'd done an idiotic thing when they were young and now, 23 years later, it was still the one thing most people knew about them. I wanted to hear their side, and to know what they'd made of their lives in the long shadow of this scandal. 
Sergio invited me to come meet him. He'd show me around, he said, and help me make sense of what had really happened. "Trust me," he said, "I'll explain everything." 
So that's how I end up here, catching my breath on a mountain top. From up here, Phuthaditjhaba stretches out below us like a scale model of a city. The Motsoeneng brothers pointed out their schools, their favorite running routes, and the old track stadium where Sergio and Arnold won races as teenagers. 
![Two men stand on an incline with mountains in the background.](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
Arnold (left) and Sergio.
Ryan Brown for insider
In those days, they didn't run for South Africa, but for QwaQwa one of ten "homelands" established for Black South Africans. According to the apartheid government, South Africa was actually a mosaic of different, separate nations, coexisting in beautiful harmony, and QwaQwa was a tiny nub of land backing up against Lesotho. 
The homeland system, much like apartheid, was an elaborate display of racist make-believe. Tiny, non-contiguous territories supposedly, the original territory of different Black South African ethnic groups dotted across the country. Naturally, those territories comprised only 13 percent of the land, in a country where three quarters of the population was Black, and excluded the country's best farmland, and its wealthy mineral reserves.
The family arrived here in 1987. Sergio and Arnold's father Jonas was hired as a school caretaker, and squashed in the two-bedroom caretakers' cottage. Jonas and his wife, Emily, were both from a nearby farm in "white" South Africa's eastern Orange Free State, where their families had been long-term tenants of a family of white farmers. Emily left school in at the age of 10  to take care of the white family's baby. Jonas milked their cows. 
Sergio could remember, when he was little, watching how the white farmer ran his tractor, harvesting field after field of maize and beans. When he was done, Sergio's father and the other Black farmworkers walked those same fields, picking up for themselves whatever the white man had left behind. 
But if opportunities still seemed dim for Emily and Jonas' generation, their children expected more. 
Even as most of the country remained under strict racial segregation, South Africa's apartheid government cared enough about getting back into international sports that it agreed to integrate running. In 1975, Black runners, and women, were allowed to compete in the Comrades for the first time. 
Other major races also integrated, and soon, Black runners dominated the sport. Eugene, who started competing in the late 1980s, recalls competing in the 1991 City to City ultra-marathon from Johannesburg to Pretoria and finishing ninth, behind eight Black runners. As an incentive to keep up white runners' spirits now that they were regularly bested by Black athletes, Eugene's running club gave him a bonus for finishing first among white runners, he told me.
Sergio and Arnold were the athletes of their family. Although they were two years apart in age, they started school together on the farm, and from the time they were young, they were inseparable. Two boys who seemed to know each other's thoughts without asking. *Mafahla*, the other kids called them, *the twins*. "We didn't have another friend," Sergio remembers. 
![A view of mountains.](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
The mountains around Witsieshoek rise high in the Drakensberg region in South Africa.
COLLART Hervé/Sygma via Getty Images
People were constantly confusing him and Arnold, stopping him on the street to congratulate him for a race Arnold had won, and vice versa. 
In his teens, Sergio was named to a South African development squad for young athletes, which meant he was supposed to focus on short-distance training and stay away from long races  But he couldn't help himself, the prize money for marathons was too good. So yes, he once ran a marathon and then told officials to record the finish as Arnold's.  
Who was it hurting? Everyone always said they looked like twins anyway. 
\*\*\*
Back to 1999. Eugene can see the story has legs. 
Even before the photos dropped on his fax tray, there'd been questions. 
Not long after the race, Nick Bester, the Comrades' 15th place finisher, lodged a complaint with the Comrades Marathon Association, the CMA. A timing mat showed that the runner registered as Sergio Motsoeneng passed the race's halfway point 7 minutes behind Nick Bester. But somehow, that same runner beat him by eight minutes. 
At first, the Comrades dismissed the allegations. Then, Nick helped dig up these race photos. 
As soon as Eugene hangs up with the official from Sergio's club, he calls Clem Harrington. 
A prosecutor in the old South Africa, Clem was also a Comrades veteran who'd run it 21 times before he turned 40, some kind of record. Clem was the kind of guy who could fight for or against anyone, and win. And that, Eugene thought, was what the Motsoenengs needed.  
They confront Sergio together, and Clem proposes a solution: Sell the story to a tabloid. Confess everything. Say how deeply sorry they are. The money's gone, so use the tabloid's fee to pay it back. You might save your running career. And it might still be a good one after all, Sergio's marathon best was a 2:19, and even running half a Comrades at the pace you did is no joke. 
Sergio agrees, and Clem negotiates the fee with the *Huisgenoot*, a Afrikaans tabloid known for its scoops and celebrity gossip. A few days later, reporter Dana Synman comes to the cottage in Phuthaditjhaba and interviews the brothers for four hours, while a knot of other journalists huddle outside.
"The overwhelming impression I got from them was sincere," the journalist remembers. "They were desperate and they were naïve. They tried their luck, and they didn't get away with it. It's not like robbing a bank. To run a Comrades, even half a Comrades, that's very tough." 
The story appears on the cover of the *Huisgenoot* under the headline POOR BROTHERS' DREAM BECOMES A NIGHTMARE. Inside, there's a photo of Sergio with his arm draped over Arnold, the famous pink watch dangling from his wrist. "I am sorry about what happened at the Comrades," Sergio is quoted saying. "But people also need to know: I did not kill. I'm just tired of being poor."
A few days after the story appears, Eugene, Clem, and Sergio drive to Pietermaritzburg to return the medal and hand over that fistful of cash. Sergio tells the CMA board how sorry he is and Clem asks for the minimum sentence. "We ask South Africa to forgive him," he pleads. 
![Three men hold](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
An old photograph of Eugene, Clem, and Sergio, held by Eugene.
Curtesy of Eugene Botha
It's been an embarrassing year all around for the CMA, actually. In addition to Sergio, two other runners in the top ten have been disqualified, both for doping. The winners' tables keep shifting, prize money keeps getting returned. 
In the end, Sergio and Arnold get a five-year ban from the Comrades. Clem is satisfied it's punishment enough to scare them straight, and they'll still be young enough to compete. They'll have a chance, one day, to put this behind them, and maybe turn an embarrassing story into a triumphant one. 
But shame blooms out from the lie like a bloodstain, dark and heavy and hard to wash out. "My heart was broken," says Emily, their mother. "I still don't believe they ever cheated. 
"We just wanted to forget it ever happened," Sergio's wife, who was then his girlfriend, tells me. 
Not long after the scandal slid out of the public eye, Jonas Motsoeneng learned he had brain cancer. He died in the early hours of January 1, 2000, as South Africa spun into a new millennium. 
\*\*\*
When we finally get into it, Sergio and Arnold claim they can't remember exactly when they decided they would cheat, or whose idea it was to begin with. Sergio had been training, really training, he says. But when he heard about Rentmeester's R1 million reward, something inside him shifted. 
Together, they scrutinized the course map, which showed the portable toilets. They picked a spot, just before halfway, where they hoped it would be easy to slip in and out of the crowd. And that was it. 
It was Arnold who had started the race in Pietermaritzburg, they say. At the agreed-upon spot, they'd both slipped into the cramped space of a portable toilet and hurriedly peeled off their clothes. 
Suddenly, bang! There was a knock at the door.
Sergio, are you in there? It was Dewald Steyn, one of Rentmeester's managers. I've got your energy drinks out here for you.
Inside the toilet, the men froze. They couldn't open the door now. He'd see for sure that there were two of them inside.
I feel sick, Sergio called back out.
Hurry up, Dewald said. You're losing time.
Outside, he waited. Inside, they waited.
Finally, Dewald said he'd leave the drinks, and walked off. Sergio and Arnold waited a little longer, then Sergio slipped out the door, and onto the road to run the race's second half. Arnold waited a little longer, then hitched a ride back to Durban, where he caught a mini-bus taxi home. 
![Runners line up to use portable bathrooms.](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
Runners use the bathrooms before the start of the start of the 94th edition of the Comrades Marathon in 2019.
RAJESH JANTILAL/AFP via Getty Images
But many of the Motsoeneng's contemporaries in South African running say the story still feels fuzzy, incomplete. "They were in the toilets so long, they would have had to cut the course to make up the time," Nick says when I call him. 
And many suspect this hadn't been the first time they cheated. Arnold entered the Comrades in 1998, but dropped out around halfway had that been a dress rehearsal? A handoff gone wrong? And then there was the City to City Marathon in 1998. "We" the front runners "were far, far ahead of the rest of the guys," Nixon Nkodima, another professional runner, tells me. "Then suddenly this guy" — Sergio — "comes out of nowhere and passes us, like he's running a 5k pace \[45k's into an ultra\]. I thought, maybe he's on drugs."
But Arnold, who has largely managed to stay out of the limelight, says there's no reason for them to retreat. "The only thing is that we were looking for cash," he tells me. "But apart from that, we knew we could make it."
\*\*\* 
There's a second chapter to this story that makes a bit of a mess of the narrative that made me want to talk to the brothers in the first place. 
When the ban that Clem had brokered lifted, both Sergio and Arnold started racing again, and winning. In 2009, Sergio made a triumphant return to the Comrades, and the following year, in 2010, he had a breakthrough race. In a photo taken as he sprints towards the finish line, he's grinning, an inversion of the tense, drawn face he wore when he crossed the line a decade before. He finished third.
Speaking to the press afterwards, Sergio is again a model of contrition, saying he's now a family man who'd paid his dues and learned from his mistakes. 
"It just goes to show he did not have to do what he did in 1999," said Cheryl Winn from the Comrades Marathon Association, co-signing his narrative of redemption. "He has great ability."
But six weeks later, the Comrades announced the results of its drug testing of top finishers. Sergio's has come back positive for a performance-enhancing steroid called Norandrosterone.
\*\*\* 
"When they told me I'm positive, I told them, go to hell," Sergio tells me now. He, of all people, knew how a decision like that could snap a life in two. 
We're sitting on a covered porch, beside the brick house he's been building for the last decade and a half in a neighborhood of Phuthaditjhaba called Elite. He's been doing the work himself, by hand, adding a room every time he gets a bit of money. The building sits at a slightly precarious angle to the rocky ground. Its walls bow gently inward. 
Today, Sergio works as a teacher and drives an old green forest green Mercedes, which is parked out front. He has a daughter in university and a wife he lists in his phone as "The Love of My Life." His ten pit bulls clatter around in the house. Both he and Arnold coach running on the side. 
In person, Sergio fizzes with charisma and warmth. But he also holds me at arm's length. I ask to visit the school where he works, but he demurs, saying he would rather not remind his colleagues of the scandal. As it is, when he disciplines his students, he says, the pluckier ones demand to know why they should have to listen to a liar and a cheat like him. 
Of course he didn't cheat at the Comrades in 2010, he tells me. He can't prove it but offers some theories. 
Nandrolone, Sergio says, is found in uncastrated pigs, and there are known cases where athletes tested positive after consuming wild pork. He ate a lot of meat when he was training hard. And also, rumors have swirled for years about Comrades athletes and coaches spiking their rivals' sports drinks, or swapping urine samples before they were shipped off to the lab. Maybe it was that.
And what about what happened to Ludwick Mamabolo, he says, the man whose Comrades win in 2012, two years after Sergio was disqualified, was revoked after he tested positive for a stimulant? His lawyers argued the Comrades' procedures for doping testing had been so haphazard, it was impossible to say with any certainty if the sample tested had even been Ludwick's at all. Ludwick was exonerated and got his title back. 
![A runner reaching the finish line.](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
Ludwick Mamabolo crosses the Comrades Marathon finish line in 2012. After he disqualified for testing positive for a stimulant, he challenged the test and got his title back.
RAJESH JANTILAL/AFP/GettyImages
I looked into all of it, and even spoke to Ludwick's lawyer. But their cases seemed fundamentally different you could slip the substance Ludwick tested positive for into a sports drink. Nandrolone, by contrast, is usually injected. South Africa's anti-doping body, meanwhile, destroys case records after ten years, and I couldn't find anyone who believed enough in Sergio to plead his case.
Except, of course, Arnold. "If he took it, I would know. Each and everywhere he goes, I go," Arnold tells me. 
Those results shattered them both. "I knew, that's it for him," Arnold says. Gone, was any hope of convincing people they'd just made a stupid mistake all those years before. 
It doesn't make any sense that Sergio would cheat, Arnold keeps saying. It just doesn't make any sense. 
\*\*\*
It's hard, sometimes, not to read everything that happens in South Africa as a metaphor. This is a country where the jailers handed the keys to the inmates, and everyone was told to *forgive.* While the whole world watched, Nelson Mandela shook hands with apartheid's last president, FW de Klerk, and told him, *What is past, is past* "Wat is verby, is verby!"
The story of two young men, born into one of the most unequal societies on earth, trying imperfectly, deceitfully to find their way out of it also feels like something bigger than itself. It's a version of what South Africans have been doing for a generation now since the end of apartheid. As Sergio tells me, "Nobody wants to be poor forever."
![A runner holds a portrait of Nelson Mandela.](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
A Comrades Marathon runner holds a portrait of late South African icon Nelson Mandela in 2014.
RAJESH JANTILAL/AFP via Getty Images
For Sergio and Arnold, the past was something they believed they could, quite literally, outrun. It didn't turn out like that, but it didn't turn out like that for most Black South Africans either. In the generation since the end of apartheid, inequality has remained stubbornly persistent. The wealthiest 3,500 South Africans [own more](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-08-04/apartheid-legacy-maintains-south-african-wealth-gap-group-says?leadSource=uverify%20wall#xj4y7vzkg) than the poorest 32 million. Much of the country's elite is now Black, but so too are nearly all its poorest people.
When Sergio and Arnold cheated, it felt to many like it was saying something not just about them, but about the moral character of Black South Africans generally. *Look*, they said, *this is who you've handed our country to*. As I sat speaking to Sergio, South Africa's president, Cyril Ramaphosa, was fighting for his political life after revelations that wads of cash, potentially ill-gotten, had been stolen from inside his sofa. 
Of course corruption isn't limited to Black leaders, in South Africa or anywhere else. The apartheid regime was shot through with graft. Its first Black government inherited a state that was nearly bankrupt. And a generation, like Sergio and Arnold, came of age promised a world that was, for most of them, never going to materialize. 
"You have to be Zola Budd level to get out of here," Eugene remarked to me, referring to the bare-footed white South African teenager who became a record-breaking runner for England in the 1980s. "People steal millions, and yet this \[Sergio\] is the guy they want to go after." 
Now, sitting by Sergio's house, I listen carefully as he lays out his theories about that 2010 race. 
I nod along, scribbling notes. It feels like we're up on that mountain in Phuthaditjhaba again. The world is laid out below us, small and vast and we can't quite make out all the details. 
\*\*\*
Toward the end of my trip, I'm with Arnold, twisting my car up a steep road to the border with Lesotho.
![A view of mountains.](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
The Maluti Mountains, as seen from Butha Buthe, Lesotho, in 2021.
Sumaya Hisham/Reuters
He wanted to show me this route where they used to train, 20 kilometers up, 20 kilometers down, waving to the border guards as they went. The air is dry and thin, and smells of wood smoke. Below us, in the valley where the Motsoeneng brothers have lived nearly all of their lives, the high-altitude sun glints off tin roofs. A shepherd coaxes a small flock of grey sheep up a hillside. The vegetation is dry and crisp. 
Of the two Motsoeneng brothers, Arnold has always been the more reserved. In 1999, he faded into the background of the cheating scandal. Even now, he is content to let Sergio, clever, fast-talking, and brash, be the face of their story. 
I realize there's something I haven't asked him yet. When he was running in the Comrades, keeping pace with South Africa's greatest runners, he knew it was a lie, but was it also a thrill? 
He smiles. It was one of those charmed days runners are blessed with every now and again, where you feel like you could run forever, he says. He was weightless. Nothing hurt. Even now, when he is training, he thinks, *I wish it could feel like that day agai*n.
![xxxx](data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'%3F%3E%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='1' height='1'/%3E)
Arnold with the kids her coaches.
Ryan Brown for Insider
The next day, I stood next to the dirt soccer field where Arnold coaches an elementary school cross country team, watching the kids plunk down backpacks and shed their school uniform sweaters. Here, on the edges of Phuthaditjhaba, the city slips in and out of focus. A city bus grumbles past, then a shepherd on horseback. 
A lot of the kids run barefoot, just as Arnold and Sergio did when they were that age. They call Arnold *ntate,* the Sesotho word for father. He explains the day's drills, and they all take off running, arms untucked and flailing.  
Sometimes the kids get lazy and start cutting the corners, he tells me. "And I tell them, when you do that, you're not cheating me. You are only cheating yourself." 
*Correction: December 30, 2022 — Due to an editing error, an earlier version of this story misstated, in the first reference, the year of the Comrades race when Sergio and Arnold Motsoeneng were caught cheating. It was in 1999, not 1990.*
 
 
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`$= dv.el('center', 'Source: ' + dv.current().Link + ', ' + dv.current().Date.toLocaleString("fr-FR"))`

@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
---
Tag: ["Art", "🎥", "TomCruise", "🇺🇸"]
Tag: ["🎭", "🎥", "TomCruise", "🇺🇸"]
Date: 2022-03-27
DocType: "WebClipping"
Hierarchy:

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